Leanne, This is your Temporary Gift 'till I Finish the Story :) *huggles* / strangest title ever

[inevitably_grey]

Rosemallows versus Bees
to Leanne, 17

The bees that, together,
in swarms, buzz and
plunge to booze nectar

from the flowers that croon,
deaf-chorus, Alas,
alas, they steal our water,

and, deaf-chorused, cry
Alas, alas, you rob us
to the bees, yellow-

cargoed round balls
whose gossamer
wings are more still, less

flurry when their beaks
swill

Comments

[dory_the_fishie]

Ooh, pretty! It makes me think of summer, which is lovely. I especially liked, "rosemallows/bending in the wind/but not by it," for some reason. Wonderful as always.

-squishes-

[inevitably_grey]

Did you notice I used "bending in the wind but not by it" two times in the poem for effect? And did you notice the same with "full / of (rosemallow) nectar"?

Thanks, dear. I think this is one of the better poems I've written: more rhythm than what I've posted thus far, and on MNFF, better linebreaks, better sonics and gathering of images. Still seems a little two-dimensional with it only being about the bees drinking nectar and then getting stitched, but I'm afraid I didn't have any other idea to inco-operate / any intriguing idea. *hint hint :P*

Anyway, feel free to do whatever you like with it. It's yours.

Best,
James

[inevitably_grey]

I've got another which I considered posting, up. Pick which you like the most and I'll remove the other.

*squishes back*