Comments | indyhat: Safe

indyhat

Safe - Chapter 12

Jun 02, 2007 10:19

Characters: Peter/Claude-centric ensemble
Rating/Warnings: PG-13
Word count: 1,070ish
Spoilers: AU, but 1.11 ("Fallout"), sorta kinda not really.
Disclaimer: Nothing is mine but the words.
Summary: Holocaust-era Heroes
A/N: Posting because we have to move on, even though I'm not totally happy with this. ( Previous chapters)

"Being invisible is so great-"

( Read more... )

hiro, heroes_fic, heroes, peterandclaude, claude, fic, safe, claire, peter

Comments 37

trippypeas June 2 2007, 15:07:37 UTC

poor Claire and Peter.. and yeah for a little bit of Zach..

indyhat June 2 2007, 16:21:26 UTC

yeah for a little bit of Zach..

He might feature again later. I haven't decided! Seem to have so much on my plate ...

trippypeas June 2 2007, 16:41:26 UTC

awesome you know i've just realized i like zach..i never thought about it..you'll be ok...

indyhat June 2 2007, 18:32:41 UTC

I think Zach is ace, and very underrated.

And thanks! :)

c_quinn June 2 2007, 15:58:10 UTC

Switching to Peter's view (and then Claire's) wasn't jarring, just unexpected. Most stories do tell everything from all view points so it's not strange.

"We have to- it's Tani."

Essential Peter.

Nice humor at the beginning with Claude and Hiro, I thought. Gave his a needed lighter touch. :)

indyhat June 2 2007, 16:23:52 UTC

Switching to Peter's view (and then Claire's) wasn't jarring, just unexpected.

Even that might be a bit much, then. Honestly I prefer to stick to just P&C, but sometimes, like here, I need more than that. Am having a Hard Think about what to do with this sort of thing.

Nice humor at the beginning with Claude and Hiro, I thought.

Thanks. It's been a bit heavy going, the last couple of chapters! No let-up tomorrow, either. Big action scene to come, which will end the first act, if you like.

Thanks for commments - always appreciated :)

Man, I hate this chapter.

c_quinn June 2 2007, 16:37:04 UTC

Man, I hate this chapter.

You shouldn't hate it; there's no reason to. It's developing the plot and bringing the characters together--it's necessary. You also managed to develop a believeable rapport between Claude, Hiro and Ando.

I tend to look at these chapters as transitionals. They're essential but usually feel, to write anyway, that they're slowing down the plot. It's not like that to read them, though.

indyhat June 2 2007, 18:32:09 UTC

Thank you - that's immensely helpful and reassuring. I'm reminded at the moment that I am still very new to this and have a lot to learn! Thank you :)

You also managed to develop a believeable rapport between Claude, Hiro and Ando.

Thank you - that's nice to hear :)

betterthanlegos June 2 2007, 16:18:05 UTC

I didn't find the POV switching jarring at all.

This was great. I liked the last part with Claire. I don't know why, but I did. And I rather enjoyed the whole interaction with Hiro and Claude at the beginning. Good stuff.

indyhat June 2 2007, 16:25:30 UTC

I didn't find the POV switching jarring at all.

Good - thank you! Feedback is always helpful :)

I liked the last part with Claire. I don't know why, but I did.

I'm glad. I haven't really given her much to do, but I felt she needed something.

And I rather enjoyed the whole interaction with Hiro and Claude at the beginning.

Hiro + Claude = win :)

Thank you!

whatwas June 2 2007, 20:46:56 UTC

Let me know if switching POV mid-scene is jarring...
not at all.... didn't even really notice until you mentioned it.... just seemed like the natural progression of the story.....

loved the beginning with Claude's thoughts on Hiro's conversation with Anders.... lol

indyhat June 3 2007, 12:34:01 UTC

Claude and Hiro = win! More people should run with this *g*

Glad you enjoyed it and that the POV stuff worked OK for you :)

see_bee_flee June 2 2007, 21:17:51 UTC

"I use power for - good things. Not - spy on people."

Heh. Hiro's so very insistent about using his powers for good.

The great thing about having chapters that are not so action-dependent is that they automatically become character-dependent, and you did a very good job with showcasing the developing relationships and the characters' feelings. I especially like Peter--he has to do something, save his brother, the world, everything. I can't wait to see how Sylar fits into all this, as well.

Clara runs upstairs to her room. Shuts the door behind her and sits on the bed, hugging her treasured stuffed bear. I just want to be ordinary. But that isn't ever going to be possible.

This bit felt a tad awkward to me, though. Very--rushed, I think. Sorry I can't explain it better.

But anyway, it was wonderful, on the whole. I love "talky" chapters. XD

indyhat June 3 2007, 12:37:38 UTC

Hiro's so very insistent about using his powers for good.

Isn't he adorable? :D

you did a very good job with showcasing the developing relationships and the characters' feelings.

Thank you. It felt a bit noisy to me, but if it's comprehensible and I've stayed true to the characters, then that's a relief!

This bit felt a tad awkward to me, though. Very--rushed, I think. Sorry I can't explain it better.

No, that's really helpful, thank you. I agree with you! I feel that I've short-changed Claire quite badly here (and in the story so far in general). I've been thinking about your comments and I might come back and edit more of her stuff into this chapter.

I love "talky" chapters. XD

Pleased to hear it! This is far and away my least favourite so far. *g*

Thanks for feedback - massively helpful :)