Winter War: Nanao: Looking For A Blonde
Title: Nanao: Looking For A Blonde
Arc: Winter War - an AU co-write with liralen and sophiap
Characters: Tatsuki, Keigo, Mizuiro, Ishida Ryuuken
Rating/Warning: PG-13 for language, references to character death
Summary: There is a pressure on the world.
Notes: This is a rather dark AU co-plotted with liralen and sophiap. The war against Aizen's forces went very badly. Nothing is sacred and no one is safe.
Links
1. Nanao: Winter
2. Ukitake: Waking Up
3. Ikkaku: What Is, What Was
4. Kuukaku: Holding Ground
5. Nanao: Morning, Interrupted
6. Ukitake: Chance
7. Karin: Keeping Up Appearances
8. Yoruichi: Hunting
9. Momo: Trust No One
10. Soi Fong: En Garde
11. Gin: On Top
12. Karakura: Waiting
13. Iba: Hurry Up And Wait
14. Isane: Present
WINTER WAR: NANAO: LOOKING FOR A BLONDE
Impromptu Meeting To Discuss Matsumoto Impersonation
Notes taken by Ise Nanao
Well, this should be the easiest part of the plan, Ukitake-taichou says.
Sasakibe-fukutaichou agrees, says how many blondes do we have here anyhow, there has to be someone who is tall and big.
Iba-fukutaichou says no there isn't.
Sasakibe-fukutaichou says really?
Ukitake-taichou does that thing with his eyebrows.
No there really isn't, Iba-fukutaichou says, I mean, have you looked at them?
Yeah, Madarame says, you got a point, there's nobody with tits like she used to have.
Everyone looked at me (Ise Nanao).
I know perfectly well what you are talking about, I say, I am not entirely deficient in vocabulary, even if Kyouraku-taichou would have described them as twin moons of delight, peaks of joy, glorious bosoms of marble, breasts sculpted by a master, paired pears of pleasure, etc --
Madarame has coughing fit.
Yes well can you think of anyone, Ise-kun, says Ukitake-taichou.
I am temporarily going over inhabitants of current base in my head when Iba-fukutaichou says simple, what about Isane-fukutaichou? All you need to do is stick a blonde wig on her.
Yeah, Madarame says, she's sure got the body for it, but isn't she a bit tall?
So we stick her with other tall people, Iba-fukutaichou says, it won't show too much.
It's perfect! Hinamori-fukutaichou says and bounces.
We may have problem, I say.
What is problem, says Ukitake-taichou.
We don't have a blonde wig, I say.
Oh come on, Madarame says, everyone knows women always have lots of hair stuff, all you need to do is to wash it in bleach or something, right?
No wait, Hinamori-fukutaichou says, Ise-fukutaichou is right, we don't have any blonde wigs and it would be sort of obvious if you tried bleaching Isane-fukutaichou's hair, it'd just look like someone dipped a lavender kimono in bleach and left it out in the sun, you know, sort of that colour that you get when indigo dye gets really faded and maybe even blotchy, besides --
Madarame says something which I did not manage to hear and/or record about how Certain People might have known all about that sort of thing but that he "sure as fuck" did not.
(Note to self: censor language before submitting final version.)
Is it really that difficult to make a blonde wig, Sasakibe-fukutaichou says.
Yes, says Soi Fong-taichou.
Sasakibe-fukutaichou spills tea due to Soi Fong-taichou appearing from behind him.
A fake blonde wig would be feasible from a distance, says Soi Fong-taichou, but at close range would be obviously false, and we have already agreed that this must be an impersonation at close quarters. The same goes for dyeing hair unless it can be done very well, and unfortunately we are lacking good facilities, short of going to Urahara Kisuke and asking him for blonde hair dye, which I do not think is acceptable.
I suppose you have a point, Ukitake-taichou says, it would be very difficult to mistake Isane-fukutaichou for Matsumoto-fukutaichou unless it was in pitch darkness.
(At this point Ukitake-taichou pauses a little. This is when Kyouraku-taichou would have made comment about pitch darkness and having to judge by touch, only in a nice way.)
It might be easier to find someone who is already blonde, I say, and, you know, pad them.
But could you really fake that properly, says Madarame. I mean, when a man gets his hands on that sort of thing --
At this point Hinamori-fukutaichou totally accidentally spills her tea on Madarame and discussion is put on hold while she gets more tea.
I think we should remember that this should not involve anyone getting their hands on anyone, Ukitake-taichou says. This is purely visual illusion, right, Soi Fong-taichou?
I agree, Soi Fong-taichou says, and also we should bear in mind that we will be able to hide some details with bandages if Matsumoto-fukutaichou is supposed to be injured. Important details are some reiatsu, blonde hair, height, bosom and --
And this, Hinamori-fukutaichou says, and she brings out Matsumoto's necklace.
(Had not known she was wearing it.)
Right, says Soi Fong-taichou, thank you for this helpful contribution, Hinamori-fukutaichou. It will be passed back to you once we're done with it.
Some reiatsu, Shiba-sama says, why do we need reiatsu, you know, it might even be easier to have someone toting an unconscious blonde and I can think of a couple of the trainees at my place who --
It will be more convincing if the level of reiatsu suggests a vice-captain, Sasakibe-fukutaichou says. The people who see this need to be convinced, and then to convince Ichimaru.
Shiba-sama looks at her missing arm and I can just tell that she is thinking of a really bad idea involving a fake arm or something.
Okay, Madarame says, what about Kaede from my group, she's got the bosom and --
Too short, Ukitake-taichou says, if she is the person I'm thinking of.
High heels, Madarame says.
They don't make them a foot high, Hinamori-fukutaichou says.
Madarame stops and thinks. What about Shirogane, he finally says. I mean, it's not that she's, he looks at me, not really, um, gifted in the tits area, but she's blonde and she's the right sort of height, and she's got some reiatsu, they wouldn't write her off as a nobody. And she's a good actress.
But what about her glasses, Hinamori-fukutaichou says. You know that she's not very good without them --
No, that'll help, Soi Fong-taichou says, we'll add a bandage and it'll make her look as if she's injured, with a couple of people helping her.
Everyone thinks about this and someone gets more tea.
(Delete bit about tea in formal report.)
Yeah, Madarame says, she'd do fine. She's competent. She's on watch at the moment, supposed to be working with Kotetsu later, we can catch up with her and explain things then.
Indeed, Soi Fong-taichou says, I will do so.
Madarame gives Soi Fong-taichou a look.
Soi Fong-taichou gives Madarame a look.
Both give each other looks.
Please do that, Soi Fong-taichou, says Ukitake-taichou. And Ise-kun, why exactly are you taking notes? This should all be over in a couple of days, and I do not expect anyone's memory to fail them that fast.
Everyone gives me a look.
Well, sir, I say. You never know what might be important.
(Note to self: edit that bit out.)
---
Arc: Winter War - an AU co-write with liralen and sophiap
Characters: Tatsuki, Keigo, Mizuiro, Ishida Ryuuken
Rating/Warning: PG-13 for language, references to character death
Summary: There is a pressure on the world.
Notes: This is a rather dark AU co-plotted with liralen and sophiap. The war against Aizen's forces went very badly. Nothing is sacred and no one is safe.
Links
1. Nanao: Winter
2. Ukitake: Waking Up
3. Ikkaku: What Is, What Was
4. Kuukaku: Holding Ground
5. Nanao: Morning, Interrupted
6. Ukitake: Chance
7. Karin: Keeping Up Appearances
8. Yoruichi: Hunting
9. Momo: Trust No One
10. Soi Fong: En Garde
11. Gin: On Top
12. Karakura: Waiting
13. Iba: Hurry Up And Wait
14. Isane: Present
WINTER WAR: NANAO: LOOKING FOR A BLONDE
Impromptu Meeting To Discuss Matsumoto Impersonation
Notes taken by Ise Nanao
Well, this should be the easiest part of the plan, Ukitake-taichou says.
Sasakibe-fukutaichou agrees, says how many blondes do we have here anyhow, there has to be someone who is tall and big.
Iba-fukutaichou says no there isn't.
Sasakibe-fukutaichou says really?
Ukitake-taichou does that thing with his eyebrows.
No there really isn't, Iba-fukutaichou says, I mean, have you looked at them?
Yeah, Madarame says, you got a point, there's nobody with tits like she used to have.
Everyone looked at me (Ise Nanao).
I know perfectly well what you are talking about, I say, I am not entirely deficient in vocabulary, even if Kyouraku-taichou would have described them as twin moons of delight, peaks of joy, glorious bosoms of marble, breasts sculpted by a master, paired pears of pleasure, etc --
Madarame has coughing fit.
Yes well can you think of anyone, Ise-kun, says Ukitake-taichou.
I am temporarily going over inhabitants of current base in my head when Iba-fukutaichou says simple, what about Isane-fukutaichou? All you need to do is stick a blonde wig on her.
Yeah, Madarame says, she's sure got the body for it, but isn't she a bit tall?
So we stick her with other tall people, Iba-fukutaichou says, it won't show too much.
It's perfect! Hinamori-fukutaichou says and bounces.
We may have problem, I say.
What is problem, says Ukitake-taichou.
We don't have a blonde wig, I say.
Oh come on, Madarame says, everyone knows women always have lots of hair stuff, all you need to do is to wash it in bleach or something, right?
No wait, Hinamori-fukutaichou says, Ise-fukutaichou is right, we don't have any blonde wigs and it would be sort of obvious if you tried bleaching Isane-fukutaichou's hair, it'd just look like someone dipped a lavender kimono in bleach and left it out in the sun, you know, sort of that colour that you get when indigo dye gets really faded and maybe even blotchy, besides --
Madarame says something which I did not manage to hear and/or record about how Certain People might have known all about that sort of thing but that he "sure as fuck" did not.
(Note to self: censor language before submitting final version.)
Is it really that difficult to make a blonde wig, Sasakibe-fukutaichou says.
Yes, says Soi Fong-taichou.
Sasakibe-fukutaichou spills tea due to Soi Fong-taichou appearing from behind him.
A fake blonde wig would be feasible from a distance, says Soi Fong-taichou, but at close range would be obviously false, and we have already agreed that this must be an impersonation at close quarters. The same goes for dyeing hair unless it can be done very well, and unfortunately we are lacking good facilities, short of going to Urahara Kisuke and asking him for blonde hair dye, which I do not think is acceptable.
I suppose you have a point, Ukitake-taichou says, it would be very difficult to mistake Isane-fukutaichou for Matsumoto-fukutaichou unless it was in pitch darkness.
(At this point Ukitake-taichou pauses a little. This is when Kyouraku-taichou would have made comment about pitch darkness and having to judge by touch, only in a nice way.)
It might be easier to find someone who is already blonde, I say, and, you know, pad them.
But could you really fake that properly, says Madarame. I mean, when a man gets his hands on that sort of thing --
At this point Hinamori-fukutaichou totally accidentally spills her tea on Madarame and discussion is put on hold while she gets more tea.
I think we should remember that this should not involve anyone getting their hands on anyone, Ukitake-taichou says. This is purely visual illusion, right, Soi Fong-taichou?
I agree, Soi Fong-taichou says, and also we should bear in mind that we will be able to hide some details with bandages if Matsumoto-fukutaichou is supposed to be injured. Important details are some reiatsu, blonde hair, height, bosom and --
And this, Hinamori-fukutaichou says, and she brings out Matsumoto's necklace.
(Had not known she was wearing it.)
Right, says Soi Fong-taichou, thank you for this helpful contribution, Hinamori-fukutaichou. It will be passed back to you once we're done with it.
Some reiatsu, Shiba-sama says, why do we need reiatsu, you know, it might even be easier to have someone toting an unconscious blonde and I can think of a couple of the trainees at my place who --
It will be more convincing if the level of reiatsu suggests a vice-captain, Sasakibe-fukutaichou says. The people who see this need to be convinced, and then to convince Ichimaru.
Shiba-sama looks at her missing arm and I can just tell that she is thinking of a really bad idea involving a fake arm or something.
Okay, Madarame says, what about Kaede from my group, she's got the bosom and --
Too short, Ukitake-taichou says, if she is the person I'm thinking of.
High heels, Madarame says.
They don't make them a foot high, Hinamori-fukutaichou says.
Madarame stops and thinks. What about Shirogane, he finally says. I mean, it's not that she's, he looks at me, not really, um, gifted in the tits area, but she's blonde and she's the right sort of height, and she's got some reiatsu, they wouldn't write her off as a nobody. And she's a good actress.
But what about her glasses, Hinamori-fukutaichou says. You know that she's not very good without them --
No, that'll help, Soi Fong-taichou says, we'll add a bandage and it'll make her look as if she's injured, with a couple of people helping her.
Everyone thinks about this and someone gets more tea.
(Delete bit about tea in formal report.)
Yeah, Madarame says, she'd do fine. She's competent. She's on watch at the moment, supposed to be working with Kotetsu later, we can catch up with her and explain things then.
Indeed, Soi Fong-taichou says, I will do so.
Madarame gives Soi Fong-taichou a look.
Soi Fong-taichou gives Madarame a look.
Both give each other looks.
Please do that, Soi Fong-taichou, says Ukitake-taichou. And Ise-kun, why exactly are you taking notes? This should all be over in a couple of days, and I do not expect anyone's memory to fail them that fast.
Everyone gives me a look.
Well, sir, I say. You never know what might be important.
(Note to self: edit that bit out.)
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