[Songification - Still...] My Heart Is Yours, Always
Zutto kakushiteita himitsu datte, Kimi dake ni wa tsutaeta kitanda
Looking around to this all-so-familiar surrounding, Ohno Satoshi couldn't believe that he's finally here again. It's weird that even though there are already a lot of things changed, his feelings about this place remains the same. He can still remember clearly the days he used to spend in this place.
And of course, the one person he used to spend those days with. A bitter smile forces itself to Ohno's face. So it's been five years, eh? He thought to himself. Five years since that time that seemed like dark ages. Which, actually, doesn't feel that dark anymore now.
He still remember how everything tossed and turned and crashed and burnt. He has to admit it, he hated it. He hated that he had to leave everything back then. And for all the things he hated because of that, he hated himself the most. It's true that he did choose the best for himself and his friends. And of course his lovely Kazu. What he hate the most is that it made him lonely. Yet he can do nothing to wash that loneliness off.
Because there's always only one person who can do that.
Seven years ago, in Nino's apartment
"Hey, Ojii san. What are you doing, being up in this hour of the day?" Nino poked Ohno's cheek. Ohno's been spending the night at Nino's place after their dinner. It's the first time Ohno's still up after he took a shower. Facing his canvas and holding a palette. Yes. He keeps some of his painting equipment there.
"Oh-chaan. Let's go to bed. I want to cuddle," Nino poked Ohno's cheek again.
"Kazu. Do you know what loneliness is?" Ohno suddenly asked, still not moving his face from his canvas, while his hands still drawing a line on it.
"Un? Why, Oh-chan? Are you feeling lonely?" Nino asked with a worried tone in his voice.
"I used to. But with you around, I don't have to anymore," Ohno put down his paintbrush and palette. He turned his head facing his lover, "Thank you, Kazu. For pulling me out of this dark and lonely pit. I love you. I did, I do, and I always will."
Nino blushed. "What's with that sudden change of mood, you baka." He then rushed to the bedroom. Not wanting Ohno to see his blushing face.
Ohno smiled. He stood up and made his way to the bedroom. He saw his beloved Kazu lying on his usual side of the bed. He climbed to the bed, lied beside him, and stretched out his arms to hug him from behind. "I love you, Kazu."
Nino was just staying silent for a while. But then he said, "I love you, too. Satoshi. I did, I do, and I always will." He hold Ohno's hand and smiled himself to sleep.
The person that means the most to him. Five years wasn't enough to erase him from his memory. Of course he can't, how can he forget the person that he's promised to always be by his side forever, but ended up leaving him for good?
Six years ago, in their favourite diner
"I'm not sure of this, Oh-chan. This is like, the biggest opportunity I've ever had, but I'm not sure about it. Do you think I should take it and do it anyway?" Nino asked Ohno about the job offering he just got. It was an offer to do a Hollywood movie. Unusually, this time Nino had no confidence about taking the job.
"Kazu, they're offering you meaning you are capable of this job," Ohno answered lightly while still focusing on his dinner.
"But this is for Hollywood, Satoshi. It will be different from what I've done so far," Nino raises his tone.
Ohno lifted his eyes to meet Nino's. He was surprised to see that those beautiful eyes gave out something that can only be described as fear. And worry.
"Sshh.. What's that, Kazu? What's bothering you?" Ohno reached out to hold Nino's hands. Tight. "Hey. Don't be so worried about that. Just remember that I'll help you through any obstacles you have in life. These hands, holding yours? These hands will keep on holding yours for however long you need it to. You can do everything in your life, Kazu. You're a great man," he paused his words for a second. "And I'm glad that I can have this man in my life."
Nino can't help himself to let out a smile. "Those words have nothing to do with what I worried about, you know, Oh-chan. But somehow I feel so relieved. Now the only thing I'm worried about is that I can't hold your hands when I do that job."
"Well if you ask me to, I'll happily go with you. So you won't have to let go of these hands."
Nino smiled. "No. You won't have to. It's unfair if I dragged you along like that. Beside, it's not like you don't have any jobs yourself."
"Anyway you can now let go of my hands and continue your dinner, Satoshi," Nino blushed. He just remembered that they're in a public place right now.
"What if I don't want to?" Ohno replied.
And he left that person then and there without even a proper farewell.
Five years ago, on their third anniversary
"Whatever you say on that, whatever your opinion is, I have to go. it's been arranged. I'll leave at 10 PM sharp. And no. I won't take you with me. I'm really, really sorry, Kazu. But this is it. We also have to end this. We can't be together anymore," Ohno said that while looking directly at Nino's eyes. He's surprised that he was able to do that coldly like that.
"Wha. Wait. End this? End this you say?! What do you mean end this, Satoshi?!"
"I'll go away, Kazu. Starting a whole new life. And even though you're staying here, I have to ask you to also start anew. Forget me. Go find someone better than me. Someone who will love you more than I do. Do things you love. Have fun. I know you haven't been for a while."
"Satoshi, that's not what I want!" Nino almost scream his lungs out on that, but he remembered that they're in a public place right now.
"But that's what you have to do. We have different directions in life, and we have to stop pretending that we don't. Let's just start walking to those directions. And I'll make it easier by leaving you."
"Which. Part. Of leaving. That is easier. Satoshi?" Nino almost explode. He took a deep breath. "What about those promises you've made me? Hah? You told me to just forget all that?"
"Yes, Kazu. Forget that. See? I'm nothing but a man who can't fulfill his promise. You do deserve someone better."
Ohno feels ache in his heart. That's why he didn't want to come here at the first place. His mind would just play stupid flashbacks. And it hurts.
He pulled his phone out of his pocket then dialed a number he still had in the back of his head even after these five years.
"Hey. I'm in Japan right now. Can we meet?"
Another fic already. Iyey! No yay! Because Please Have A Cup is still on delay.
Hahahah. So yesterday (actually, very early this morning) me and gurajiorasu have decided to throw a party collaboration-fic-project called Songification. This is part of it. I have been wanting to do a fic based on this song since forever because of its lively beat and sad vocals Arashi put on it and the lyrics. God bless this song's writer. And producer.
And, I decided to put more fun to it by writing it around my Gimmick Game based fic, Everybody Has A Secret. Even though it can actually stand on its own.
I haven't planned on doing this before but it's actually fun! :D
Okay. See you later soon!
*tagging jade_lil and akhikaru because I said I'll let you guys know if I write something around Everybody Has A Secret. ;)