Fic: Lost Boys (HP)
I'd forgotten all about this fic I'd been idly playing around with, in the hopes that the ending would improve, or grow a plot. And then I realised it was a fairly self-contained story where I indulge myself in imagining how nice Neville would be as a teacher, and how many people are left behind after wars.
Title: Lost Boys
Characters: Neville Longbottom, Teddy Lupin
Rating: Gen, PG
Disclaimer: All 'Harry Potter' belongs to JKR and WB; no infringement intended and no profit made.
Summary: All the walking woundeds after a war. “He rarely thinks of his parents, but sometimes when he does, it wrenches at his heart."
+ Lost Boys +
It's only on walking into the entrance hall that it hits him. They're waiting outside the Great Hall before being brought in for sorting, and he spots the enormous plaque. Hard to miss, and all the other first years must see the memorial, but their eyes soon leave it to stare at all the paintings and suits of armour.
But all Teddy can see is that plaque. Listing reams of names, there must be at least fifty, sixty names, and it stretches across and up the wall, mockingly opposite the rolls of past Head Boys and Girls, and Headmasters.
He doesn't even think of them that often, more distantly curious about them than anything else. He's not looking for them. He won't look for their names.
He sees them all the same, sandwiched between the Weasley's brother and some Creevey boy, 'Order of the Phoenix' neatly carved after their names. Just a couple of names on a wall crammed with victims.
It hurts him then, and it never hurt him before. Among all these other kids chattering about their Hogwarts' letters and their families, he just stares at his dead parents' names.
Eventually, he walks past the memorial without even looking at it.
+ + +
He's never seen his grandmother cry. "We don't give them satisfaction, Teddy. They've taken all they can from us." She looks bitter and defiant in her grief, a Black even when she tried to escape. "We're all the family we need."
He doesn't understand this, until one day on Diagon Alley on a trip out with his godfather, he walks bang smack into this pale lady.
She stares at him askance, her face draining of what little colour it had, perhaps about to say something to him, before Harry snatches him away.
Harry turns to him to say something, but seems to swallow his words at the last minute. When he finally speaks, it's to tell him firmly never to talk to strangers, no matter who they say they are, and "umm, let's not tell your gran about that lady."
+ + +
Teddy's been spoilt all his life, he accepts that now. For so long, the only child of an Order of the Phoenix member, he gets used to spoiling from 'uncles' and 'aunties'. He remembers fighting with Victoire over some toy or other, and exclaiming "I've no mummy or daddy, you have to give it to me," and it working.
+ + +
They're all talking about the holidays, and what they'll do with their mum and dad and brothers and sisters, and Teddy doesn't know why, it's not like it's a big deal to him, but he has to leave the dormitory. He rarely thinks of his parents, but sometimes now when he does, it wrenches at his heart.
He goes outside, near the greenhouses so he won't be found, and sits down looking out at the mountains.
He barely hears the shuffling behind him. It's Professor Longbottom.
"Mind if I sit down?" He takes a seat next to Teddy, and there's silence for a few moments, both of them looking out over the lake up at the mountains
"You live with your grandmother, I understand?" (Years later when Teddy is finishing school, he'll go down to the greenhouses to thank Neville for this conversation, and for being a friend and a listener and for understanding, and Neville will confess that at that moment he was thinking of Teddy's father asking the same question, long ago)
Teddy nods defiantly.
"I was raised by my Gran too. My parents were injured in the First War Against Voldemort"
Teddy looks around surprised, but Professor Longbottom appears fully concentrated on scratching out some caked soil from his robe.
"I think… coming to Hogwarts for people like us can be a different experience. Realising all these other students have full families, that your situation is a bit different. It can be difficult sometimes, I mean, most of the time it doesn't make a difference, but sometimes it just hits you."
"That's… that's it exactly, sir." Teddy starts to swallow down the lump in his throat. "I don't want to sound ungrateful to my Gran or godfather or anyone…"
"They're not what you could have had." Longbottom finishes for him.
"I only really know about them from the war stories, not about them or anything. Except," Teddy thinks twice about admitting this, that he might have been the one that forced them to stay together, that they weren't really that happy together. But there's a memory that catches in his throat, coming down the stairs at The Burrow and overhearing the adults reminiscing about the war. "My dad might have wanted to leave my mum during the war."
Professor Longbottom is silent, so Teddy turns to look at him and finds him staring back, eyebrows raised.
"Where on earth did you hear that?"
"I overheard…"
"I wouldn't trust anything you overhear," Professor Longbottom interrupts.
Teddy doesn't speak after this, feeling chastised by the interruption.
It's Professor Longbottom who breaks their silence.
"My memory of your parents at the Battle of Hogwarts is that they generally ended up fighting back to back, and in the Room of Requirement before we went out to fight, he had a photo of you and your mum in his breast pocket. Whatever else you 'overheard', this is what I'm telling you and what I saw”
Professor Longbottom looks a little lost and sad at the memory for a minute, and Teddy remembers how brave Prof. Longbottom was; when everyone thought Uncle Harry was dead and all was lost, and Prof. Longbottom still stood up to Voldemort.
Professor Longbottom suddenly breaks out of his reverie.
"I expect you know by know what your mum was like as a daughter, and how brilliant a teacher your father was. Do you know much else?"
"I don't really know anything about them, not really. I never asked 'cause it seemed to upset people, and they never really told once they thought I wasn't interested."
"Oh, I don't know, sometimes you can hear a little too much about how marvelous your parents were and what a disappointment you must be," Longbottom muses ruefully, almost talking to himself, before remembering Teddy, "Though I doubt that'll be the case with you - everyone knows how special you are."
"What about your parents, Prof. Longbottom? When they died…"
"They didn't die, Teddy," the Professor corrects him quietly and there's a long uncomfortable pause before he continues in a strained voice, "they were tortured to insanity. They're not really there."
Teddy doesn't know what to say. It doesn’t matter anyway; he doesn't think the Professor would hear him.
"I've just… been watching them fade away all my life." And that's not really aimed at Teddy so he keeps quiet, a little ashamed of his questioning his teacher
The silence between them stretches out and Teddy thinks how he came out here feeling alone and sorry for himself, when really he's just one of many who get left behind after a war.
Longbottom rouses himself, "Anyway. That's the story with my parents." And with that, he shrugs and exhales, and when he turns around to look at Teddy, there's no trace of sorrow.
"I think the hardest thing," says Prof. Longbottom, clearly returning to the topic of Teddy's parents, 'is to find out who they really were, you know, little things. Not what great sons they were, or anything like that."
His smile for Teddy is warm and understanding, and Teddy remembers why Prof. Longbottom is pretty much a favourite teacher for at least half the school.
Professor Longbottom stands up with one last glance at Teddy
"I'll see what I can do, Mr. Lupin."
+ + +
He starts to get letters. And when he looks up to the head table, he catches the Professor's eye, so he blushes and smiles, and the Professor smiles and nods at him.
He gets letters from Harry and Ron and Hermione and Mr. and Mrs Weasley and old Professor McGonagall about his dad. Professor Sprout writes about his mum and even includes old herbology essays.
Minister Shacklebolt writes of schooldays with his dad (‘and it was then that Remus realized that Sirius and James were being drowned tenderly by the Giant Squid… ‘) and auror training with his mum. 'She was Mad-Eye Moody's pet, so that gives you an idea of how winning her personality really was.'
Charlie Weasley writes an epic tale of school adventures with his mum, "half the burns I have aren't from dragons, but escapes gone awry. Also, you mum had great tits, and I know no-one's going to mention that so I thought I'd better say it. She was a great laugh, so please be like her.'
Bill Weasley writes of his mum and dad's married life, and the happiness of Teddy's birth. 'I think you've been hearing nonsense about them - Remus always, always wanted what's best for your mum, and later you. Don't think that he didn't love your mum and you. Those were not good times to be a werewolf, but anyone who met him would had died for him
Teddy reads his letters and cries and cries, and mourns for his family and what might have been. He falls asleep sobbing, dreaming of a quiet man smiling at a spirited girl.
When he wakes up, he feels relieved and freed. He's lost them; he'll never really know them, not like Victoire knows her parents - that easy worn knowledge: the scope of sweeping character traits or the nuance of mundane early morning habits, but he has this: other people’s memories to carry with him, to keep them as warm echoes in his life.
That morning, when he walks past the memorial he looks for their names. And feels proud.
After that, he always looks for their names.
*
End
Title: Lost Boys
Characters: Neville Longbottom, Teddy Lupin
Rating: Gen, PG
Disclaimer: All 'Harry Potter' belongs to JKR and WB; no infringement intended and no profit made.
Summary: All the walking woundeds after a war. “He rarely thinks of his parents, but sometimes when he does, it wrenches at his heart."
+ Lost Boys +
It's only on walking into the entrance hall that it hits him. They're waiting outside the Great Hall before being brought in for sorting, and he spots the enormous plaque. Hard to miss, and all the other first years must see the memorial, but their eyes soon leave it to stare at all the paintings and suits of armour.
But all Teddy can see is that plaque. Listing reams of names, there must be at least fifty, sixty names, and it stretches across and up the wall, mockingly opposite the rolls of past Head Boys and Girls, and Headmasters.
He doesn't even think of them that often, more distantly curious about them than anything else. He's not looking for them. He won't look for their names.
He sees them all the same, sandwiched between the Weasley's brother and some Creevey boy, 'Order of the Phoenix' neatly carved after their names. Just a couple of names on a wall crammed with victims.
It hurts him then, and it never hurt him before. Among all these other kids chattering about their Hogwarts' letters and their families, he just stares at his dead parents' names.
Eventually, he walks past the memorial without even looking at it.
+ + +
He's never seen his grandmother cry. "We don't give them satisfaction, Teddy. They've taken all they can from us." She looks bitter and defiant in her grief, a Black even when she tried to escape. "We're all the family we need."
He doesn't understand this, until one day on Diagon Alley on a trip out with his godfather, he walks bang smack into this pale lady.
She stares at him askance, her face draining of what little colour it had, perhaps about to say something to him, before Harry snatches him away.
Harry turns to him to say something, but seems to swallow his words at the last minute. When he finally speaks, it's to tell him firmly never to talk to strangers, no matter who they say they are, and "umm, let's not tell your gran about that lady."
+ + +
Teddy's been spoilt all his life, he accepts that now. For so long, the only child of an Order of the Phoenix member, he gets used to spoiling from 'uncles' and 'aunties'. He remembers fighting with Victoire over some toy or other, and exclaiming "I've no mummy or daddy, you have to give it to me," and it working.
+ + +
They're all talking about the holidays, and what they'll do with their mum and dad and brothers and sisters, and Teddy doesn't know why, it's not like it's a big deal to him, but he has to leave the dormitory. He rarely thinks of his parents, but sometimes now when he does, it wrenches at his heart.
He goes outside, near the greenhouses so he won't be found, and sits down looking out at the mountains.
He barely hears the shuffling behind him. It's Professor Longbottom.
"Mind if I sit down?" He takes a seat next to Teddy, and there's silence for a few moments, both of them looking out over the lake up at the mountains
"You live with your grandmother, I understand?" (Years later when Teddy is finishing school, he'll go down to the greenhouses to thank Neville for this conversation, and for being a friend and a listener and for understanding, and Neville will confess that at that moment he was thinking of Teddy's father asking the same question, long ago)
Teddy nods defiantly.
"I was raised by my Gran too. My parents were injured in the First War Against Voldemort"
Teddy looks around surprised, but Professor Longbottom appears fully concentrated on scratching out some caked soil from his robe.
"I think… coming to Hogwarts for people like us can be a different experience. Realising all these other students have full families, that your situation is a bit different. It can be difficult sometimes, I mean, most of the time it doesn't make a difference, but sometimes it just hits you."
"That's… that's it exactly, sir." Teddy starts to swallow down the lump in his throat. "I don't want to sound ungrateful to my Gran or godfather or anyone…"
"They're not what you could have had." Longbottom finishes for him.
"I only really know about them from the war stories, not about them or anything. Except," Teddy thinks twice about admitting this, that he might have been the one that forced them to stay together, that they weren't really that happy together. But there's a memory that catches in his throat, coming down the stairs at The Burrow and overhearing the adults reminiscing about the war. "My dad might have wanted to leave my mum during the war."
Professor Longbottom is silent, so Teddy turns to look at him and finds him staring back, eyebrows raised.
"Where on earth did you hear that?"
"I overheard…"
"I wouldn't trust anything you overhear," Professor Longbottom interrupts.
Teddy doesn't speak after this, feeling chastised by the interruption.
It's Professor Longbottom who breaks their silence.
"My memory of your parents at the Battle of Hogwarts is that they generally ended up fighting back to back, and in the Room of Requirement before we went out to fight, he had a photo of you and your mum in his breast pocket. Whatever else you 'overheard', this is what I'm telling you and what I saw”
Professor Longbottom looks a little lost and sad at the memory for a minute, and Teddy remembers how brave Prof. Longbottom was; when everyone thought Uncle Harry was dead and all was lost, and Prof. Longbottom still stood up to Voldemort.
Professor Longbottom suddenly breaks out of his reverie.
"I expect you know by know what your mum was like as a daughter, and how brilliant a teacher your father was. Do you know much else?"
"I don't really know anything about them, not really. I never asked 'cause it seemed to upset people, and they never really told once they thought I wasn't interested."
"Oh, I don't know, sometimes you can hear a little too much about how marvelous your parents were and what a disappointment you must be," Longbottom muses ruefully, almost talking to himself, before remembering Teddy, "Though I doubt that'll be the case with you - everyone knows how special you are."
"What about your parents, Prof. Longbottom? When they died…"
"They didn't die, Teddy," the Professor corrects him quietly and there's a long uncomfortable pause before he continues in a strained voice, "they were tortured to insanity. They're not really there."
Teddy doesn't know what to say. It doesn’t matter anyway; he doesn't think the Professor would hear him.
"I've just… been watching them fade away all my life." And that's not really aimed at Teddy so he keeps quiet, a little ashamed of his questioning his teacher
The silence between them stretches out and Teddy thinks how he came out here feeling alone and sorry for himself, when really he's just one of many who get left behind after a war.
Longbottom rouses himself, "Anyway. That's the story with my parents." And with that, he shrugs and exhales, and when he turns around to look at Teddy, there's no trace of sorrow.
"I think the hardest thing," says Prof. Longbottom, clearly returning to the topic of Teddy's parents, 'is to find out who they really were, you know, little things. Not what great sons they were, or anything like that."
His smile for Teddy is warm and understanding, and Teddy remembers why Prof. Longbottom is pretty much a favourite teacher for at least half the school.
Professor Longbottom stands up with one last glance at Teddy
"I'll see what I can do, Mr. Lupin."
+ + +
He starts to get letters. And when he looks up to the head table, he catches the Professor's eye, so he blushes and smiles, and the Professor smiles and nods at him.
He gets letters from Harry and Ron and Hermione and Mr. and Mrs Weasley and old Professor McGonagall about his dad. Professor Sprout writes about his mum and even includes old herbology essays.
Minister Shacklebolt writes of schooldays with his dad (‘and it was then that Remus realized that Sirius and James were being drowned tenderly by the Giant Squid… ‘) and auror training with his mum. 'She was Mad-Eye Moody's pet, so that gives you an idea of how winning her personality really was.'
Charlie Weasley writes an epic tale of school adventures with his mum, "half the burns I have aren't from dragons, but escapes gone awry. Also, you mum had great tits, and I know no-one's going to mention that so I thought I'd better say it. She was a great laugh, so please be like her.'
Bill Weasley writes of his mum and dad's married life, and the happiness of Teddy's birth. 'I think you've been hearing nonsense about them - Remus always, always wanted what's best for your mum, and later you. Don't think that he didn't love your mum and you. Those were not good times to be a werewolf, but anyone who met him would had died for him
Teddy reads his letters and cries and cries, and mourns for his family and what might have been. He falls asleep sobbing, dreaming of a quiet man smiling at a spirited girl.
When he wakes up, he feels relieved and freed. He's lost them; he'll never really know them, not like Victoire knows her parents - that easy worn knowledge: the scope of sweeping character traits or the nuance of mundane early morning habits, but he has this: other people’s memories to carry with him, to keep them as warm echoes in his life.
That morning, when he walks past the memorial he looks for their names. And feels proud.
After that, he always looks for their names.
*
End