Suits Fic: From The Ashes 1/3
Title: From The Ashes (Part 3 of Fate's Decree series)
Author: Moi
Fandom: Suits
Rating: NC-17 (~24,200 words)
Summary: In which Mike is Sherlock, Harvey has ninja skills, and January really isn't shaping up to be a good month for the boys. Set approximately 6 months after In Totidem Verbis. You'll need to read the first 2 fics for this to make any sense at all.
Warning: Implied violence, implied non-con and minor character death.
Disclaimer: Not mine, no profit made.
Notes: This piece is slightly darker than the previous two, and I honestly have no idea where this came from. Expect angst, h/c, and an entire soap opera series worth of Drama. Again, any medical stuff mentioned in this is curtesy of Dr Google. Many thanks again to slashybits and scribewraith for beta.
Feedback: Very welcomed!
Read it in full at Dream Width or in 3 parts here:
It was the first day of Mike Ross's second week as an attending physician at NYP emergency department when dispatch called in three victims with multiple gun shot wounds. It was a drug deal gone south and they were coming in under police escort.
Julie Kim, now Chief Resident, eventually called Mike in to consult on John Doe number one who had a bullet lodged so close to his brain stem that one wrong move and the guy would end up either dead or comatose.
"Too much noise artifact," Mike said, looking at the x-ray images. "All we can say for certain is that the bullet is lodged next to his brain stem. The resolution on this thing is crap. Where's the CT?"
"I know. I've ordered a CT, but they're backed up at the moment, which is why I got the x-ray first," Julia replied. "We were taking one for his shoulder anyway, might as well look at his head. Took care of the shoulder wound by the way, bullet went straight through and didn't hit anything vital."
"Good," Mike replied. "Push the CT through and find out who's on call in neurology. This is going to be one of theirs."
It wasn't until they were wheeling the guy out to get his CT that Mike recognised the unconscious figure on the gurney.
Trevor Evans.
And just like that, Mike's vision of the world tilted on its axis, as his past came crashing through to the present. Mike could feel his pulse speeding up, his breath quickened; signs of an anxiety attack, his brain told him.
"Are you all right? You look like you've seen a ghost," Jo Wilcox, the newly promoted head nurse, asked when Mike found himself seeking refuge at the admissions counter, focusing on his breathing in an attempt to not give into the sheer panic his hindbrain seemed to want to send him into.
"I think I might have," Mike replied. Ignoring Jo's confused look, Mike reached for his cell in his lab coat pocket. "I need to make a call. I'll be in my office if anyone needs me."
Mike shut the door the moment he stepped into the cramped office he shared with Dr Elizabeth Damar, the other permanent attending physician at the ER who was usually on the afternoon shift. He hit the speed dial for Harvey; it took a handful of rings before Harvey picked up.
"Mike?" Harvey answered.
"Bad time?" Mike asked, even the distracted tone of Harvey's voice was enough to clam him down slightly. He wanted to speak to Harvey, but now that Harvey was actually on the phone, Mike realised that he had never actually told Harvey about Trevor, and that was not a conversation he wanted to have over the phone while both of them were at work.
"Charlie's here," Harvey's tone was curt, like he usually was when he was focused on a serious problem. The fact that it was related to Charlie didn't bode well.
"In your office? Is everything all right?"
"No, not really. I'll talk to you over dinner?" Harvey's tone had softened slightly at the last statement, but not by much. Mike immediately picked up on what Harvey's not saying; not something he wanted to discuss at work and over the phone. Just like Mike's own problem then.
"Yeah. I'll see you then."
The fact that Harvey simply hung up without saying goodbye was again not a good sign. If Charlie was in the sort of trouble that he had to go to Harvey for help, Mike's ghost from the past could wait; he had managed to forget about Trevor for over fourteen years, he could wait a few more hours. He had to.
* * *
"You didn't have to blow off Mike like that," Charlie said as soon as Harvey hung up. They were in Harvey's office, Charlie on the couch while Harvey stood, pacing. The door was closed and Donna had strict instructions not to let anyone interrupt them unless the building was burning to the ground.
"He'll understand," Harvey replied. It might sound like he was taking Mike for granted, but Harvey was confident that after over a year together, he knew Mike well enough to say he wouldn't mind. Mike had enough self-confidence and awareness to know not to take it personally. "How the hell did this happen, Charles? You haven't even been back for five months!"
"I don't know! I have a feeling it's been going on since before I took over the project and they're just setting me up as the fall guy. Who would ask questions when it's the new guy who screwed things up, right?" Charlie said, rubbing his face with his palms. Harvey had never seen his brother this stressed out before. "Two people are in ICU because of that shoddy foundation work, I know I don't have anything to do with it, but I still feel responsible."
"Don't say that anywhere outside this office," Harvey warned. "The fact that they've told you to take some time off instead of asking you to help with the investigation is telling me that they think you're guilty of whatever it is that happened."
"Harvey, the part of the building that collapsed was built months before I took over the project. Surely they can't blame me for it?"
"It depends on what they find," Harvey replied. "Without knowing what they want or what information they have, there's nothing much we can do at this point. They might not even do anything."
"You think that's likely?" Charlie asked, skeptical.
"I honestly don't know, not without having more information," Harvey shrugged, not liking the situation one bit. "I'll do some digging. You go home and keep Janice company. Isn't the baby due any day now?" Harvey asked, steering the conversation to happier grounds.
"Yeah, in about three days actually," Charlie smiled, and then he frowned again. "Harvey, if this thing goes south, I'm not sure I can afford your hourly rates. Not with the new house and the baby."
"Don't worry about it. You can pay the expenses and disbursements, and I'll take care of the rest. Besides, we might not get to that point."
"I'm sure you don't believe that. You wouldn't be trying so hard to look unconcerned otherwise."
Harvey sighed. "I forgot who I was talking to," Charlie had always been able to see through his facade. "Like I said, Charlie. Let me do some digging and we'll see what we turn up. Go home and give Janice my best, and don't worry until I tell you to. I've got your back, and this is definitely something they won't expect."
"What? That I have a big brother?"
"That your big brother happens to be me," Harvey replied, confident. "I haven't lost a case since I made Junior Partner, I'm not going to start with my own brother," and Harvey knew it was true. If Hartford Construction came after Charlie, they would be in for one hell of a surprise.
* * *
Mike had stared out of the window in his office for over a minute before he felt calm enough to think straight again. With their history, there was no way Mike could remain objective enough to treat Trevor. It didn't matter that Trevor was likely to be transferred to neurology after the CT scan, Mike was not putting his name down on Trevor's charts as the supervising doctor, he was not going to open the hospital up to the potential fallout that it might bring.
With that in mind, Mike went straight to the office of the head of the department. Over the years that he'd been with the NYP, Mike hadn't actually worked that closely with Dr Richard Hughes before his appointment as attending physician. The middle-aged doctor had always been somewhat of a fatherly figure of the department and encouraged everyone to seek him out if they had any problems. The few times Mike has had to seek his consult because Davidson had been otherwise occupied and the situation was too urgent to wait, Hughes had been more than happy to jump into the foray. Mike had got the feeling that Hughes, now in a more administrative and research intensive position, missed the day-to-day insanity of the ER.
"Ah, Mike, what can I do for you?" Hughes greeted him after Mike knocked on his opened office door. Hughes quite literally had an open door policy to anyone in his department. He never shut his doors unless he was in a confidential meeting with colleagues or patients.
"Dr Hughes, I was wondering if you have a couple minutes to spare?"
"Of course, have a seat. And what did I said about calling me Richard?"
"Thanks, uh... Richard," Mike shut the door behind him. Hughes looked at Mike, curious and assessing.
"What can I do for you, Mike?"
"I think I need you to take over one of the patients who came in earlier with multiple GSWs. He's still in CT at the moment and quite likely will be transferred to neurology once he's stabilised, but until then, I can't be the supervisor on record for him," Mike said in a rush.
"And why's that?"
"The patient's listed a John Doe at the moment, but his name is..." Mike found himself tripping over Trevor's name. "Trevor. Trevor Evans," he finally managed. "I knew him from school."
Hughes was quiet for a moment, he merely looked at Mike. It was then Mike realised he might actually have to tell Hughes what happened between him and Trevor and Mike had to fight down the urge to panic.
"I'm assuming that you have a negative history with Mr Evans?" Hughes eventually asked.
"Very," Mike answered, then he took a deep breath and continued. "We were friends, but we had a fall out. He was high on god knows what and completely lost control. He came at me with a baseball bat."
"He assaulted you?"
"Yes," Mike nodded. "I haven't seen him since I identified him to the police."
"I see," Hughes replied, thoughtful. "I'll take over Mr Evans's care," Hughes agreed, but Mike had a feeling that he was not done, so he didn't say anything and waited for Hughes to continue. "I'm glad you're smart enough to come to me with this instead of trying to deal with this yourself."
"I wouldn't want to compromise the hospital's standard of care," Mike replied.
"That's not the only reason, Mike, and I think you realised that. You have a level of insight that I'm sad to say, escape doctors many years your senior. How much longer until the end of your shift?" Hughes asked, seemingly out of the blue.
Mike looked at his watch. "Three hours. Why?"
"Go home. Go find that young man of yours and try not to have a panic attack. Yes, I noticed you've been trying to keep your breathing under control, and you're doing a very good job of it, but I've been practicing medicine for a while. You can't fool me that easily," Hughes said kindly. "You're in no shape to be treating patients right now."
"Are you sure it's not because you're looking for an excuse to get back in the ER?" Mike replied jokingly, trying not to sound too relief and knowing he probably failed.
"Well, that too. Two birds with one stone. I'm amazed at the brilliance of my solution," Hughes smiled. "I mean it Mike, go home. Or go see Dr Wilson in Psych if you need to."
"No, I'll be fine. Thanks."
"You're welcome."
Mike left Hughes's office feeling a little more like himself; he would not have to see Trevor and for now, the rest could wait for a bit.
* * *
The first inkling Harvey had that something might be wrong with Mike was when he received a text from Mike saying he was getting off work early.
As soon as Harvey was done talking to Vanessa on the phone, he rang Mike.
"What's wrong?" Harvey asked as soon as Mike picked up the phone.
"What makes you think there's something wrong?"
"You called me in the middle of a shift, and less than half an hour later you text me to say you're getting off work early; over three hours early. Now, I admit I was too distracted in the first instance to realise that something was amiss, but now I'm sure something's definitely wrong."
Mike sighed. "I'm on my way to your place. I'll talk to you when you get home."
"You do realise that's not at all reassuring, right?" Harvey asked. Mike usually preferred his own more modest apartment than Harvey's condo, which Mike thought was just a bit too 'modern minimalist' for his taste.
"What's going on with Charlie?" Mike asked instead.
"There was an incident at the site of the project he's working on, people were hurt. He's concerned that they might try to put the blame on him. I'm having someone looking into it for me. And for the record, just because I answered your question doesn't mean that I don't recognise a diversion tactic. Talk to me, Mike."
"I will. Just don't want to be doing it over the phone when I'm sitting in a cab in the middle of Manhattan traffic."
"You're taking a cab? Okay, now I'm really worried," Harvey said, alarmed. Despite Mike's considerable financial means, he didn't often indulged in things like designer clothes or taking a cab when he could ride his bike or take the subway, the only exceptions were when he had to rush back to the hospital due to some emergency. The fact that Mike had voluntarily, as far as Harvey knew, got into a cab to go to Harvey's place suggests that Mike was either physically incapable of riding home due to some injury, or -
"I'm fine. I'm not injured or maimed or any of the hundred horrible things that're going through your head right now," Mike said before Harvey's mind could spiral out of control and conjure up with more worse case scenarios. "I'm just a bit...rattled. Thought it was probably not the best state of mind to be biking through city traffic."
"Right. Good thinking," Harvey replied, getting his thoughts under control. He was a lawyer, it was his job to anticipate the worse, Harvey can't help that his mind automatically jumps to the worse case scenario. "I'm going to get Donna to reshuffle my meetings and -"
"You don't have to. I can wait until you get off work," Mike protested.
"Mike, you called me in the middle of the day," Harvey said, his voice soft. He needed Mike to know that Harvey got his message; that Harvey knew that whatever it was that managed to rattle Mike, it was a big deal. Because Mike was not easily rattled, he dealt with life and death on a daily basis and was trained to remain calm and level headed in a variety of emergency situations; Harvey had witnessed it first hand.
"Yeah, I did."
"I'll get home as soon as possible."
"Okay," Mike sounded relieved, and Harvey knew he made the right call. "Love you," Mike said, voice quieter than before.
"You too. I'll see you soon."
As soon as Harvey hung up, Donna was in his office informing him that she had rescheduled all his meetings for the afternoon except for Henderson, who was already waiting in the boardroom.
"You want me to get rid of him?" Donna asked.
"No. It shouldn't take more than half an hour. And stop listening to my private conversations," Harvey admonished, knowing that it was part of their ritual. Donna would continue to do what Donna does, and Harvey would let her.
* * *
The moment he stepped into Harvey's condo Mike finally felt a sense of safety that he wasn't even aware had fled him. He made his way into the bedroom, leaving his messenger bag by the door, and headed straight for the balcony.
The January air was bitingly cold this far up, but Mike didn't care, he needed to see New York from up high, to hear the muted noise of the traffic far below; to physically remind himself how far he had come since he was seventeen and clueless.
Mike was no longer the confused kid in love with his best friend, whom his mother and grandmother disapproved of; whom Mike himself knew was bad news. The relief he felt after leaving Hughes office was short lived. Mike's mind, normally his best asset, was betraying him, threatening to replay the entire sorry episode back to him in high definition and stereo surround sound. He had barely held it together during the cab ride, and if Harvey hadn't called when he did, Mike was sure he would've had a panic attack right in there in the cab.
So Mike breathed, fighting his memories and the tide of emotions that were associated with it; hurt, anger, pain, betrayal, and worse of all, fear.
It was completely illogical, Trevor was no threat to him now, if anything, he was utterly helpless, and Mike quite literally had the power of life and death in his hands. One extra zero in his dose of medication, a wrong diagnosis, accidental slip of the scalpel during surgery - which Mike could request to assists in - nicking a small but important vein, it would be so easy....
"Mike?" Harvey's voice snapped Mike out of his thoughts, and Mike felt disgusted at himself for sinking to that level. He was a doctor, he took an oath to do no harm, and yet here he was, actively thinking of ways to harm a patient.
"In here," he called out, turning around just in time to see Harvey walking into the bedroom.
"It's freezing."
"Sorry, should've shut the door."
"Have you been standing out here since you get here?" Harvey asked, stepping out onto the veranda to join Mike
"Yeah. Needed some air to clear my head," Mike shrugged as Harvey moved to stand right in front of him, eyes scanning Mike's face for whatever clue Harvey was hoping to find.
"Doesn't look like it's done any good," the concern in Harvey's voice was clear, and Mike felt his control slipping. Harvey must have seen some signs, because the next thing Mike knew, he was in Harvey's arms, and Mike held onto him as though his life depended on it. "I've got you, whatever it is, I've got you," Harvey murmured into his ear. "God, you're trembling. Let's go back inside, all right? You're freezing."
Mike nodded against Harvey's shoulder, not trusting himself to speak without completely losing it.
They made their way back into the bedroom, Harvey still half embracing Mike. Shutting the sliding door behind them, Harvey steered Mike towards the bed. Mike let go of Harvey when they sat down on the edge of the bed and let himself fall backwards to lie on top of the covers, staring blankly at the ceiling.
A minute later, Mike felt the bed dipped beside him, he turned his head to find Harvey, sans jacket and waistcoat, lying on his side watching Mike.
"Talk to me," Harvey prompted gently.
"Did you have a best friend? When you were a kid, I mean," Mike asked.
"Yeah. Rick Jones. Grades five through sophomore year in high school. We used to hang out at his place, spend the afternoon watching Star Trek on video. He was the one who got me hooked."
Mike couldn't help but smile at the mental image of a young Harvey sitting in front of the TV, enthralled by the adventures of Captain Kirk. "What happened to Rick?" Mike asked.
"His dad got a promotion and their family moved to Seattle just before senior year. We lost contact."
"Not a bad way for a friendship to end," Mike turned his attention back to the ceiling. He wasn't sure if he could get the story out if he was looking at Harvey. "Trevor Evans, I knew him since we were six. We did everything together, and practically all my firsts were with him. First prank, first fight, first exam cheat, first smoke, first love, first high, first kiss..." Mike trailed off. "And just five minutes ago I was imagining how I could make sure he didn't walk out of the hospital alive."
"Mike?"
Mike could tell Harvey was shocked. Whether it was from Mike's disclosure about the fact that he'd been a cheat and an addict, that he'd contemplated killing someone or a combination of both, he wasn't sure.
"I haven't seen Trevor since I was seventeen. He was expelled and spent eight months in juvie for drug possession and putting me in the hospital. Earlier today he was wheeled into the ER, my ER with multiple GSW," Mike took a deep breath, steeling himself of what was yet to come. "I did some stupid things with Trevor, got high on pot, helped him cheat on exams, all sorts of crap I never told you about. I knew I was doing the wrong thing, but somehow, Trevor always, always managed to convince me it was a good idea. I think the fact that I was in love with him didn't help either. Mum caught us one day when she got home early from work."
"Caught you doing what?"
"Each other, and a bag of weed," Mike replied. "She kicked Trevor out and basically locked me in my room until I sobered up. Then she sat me down at the kitchen table, the bag of weed between us, and asked me what she had done wrong."
"Ouch."
Mike snorted. "Yeah, major guilt trip. She didn't say anything about my apparent preference for guys, just the drugs. I swore to her that I would never get high again, and I've kept that promise. Trevor wasn't too happy about it, kept calling me a spoilsport, party pooper and god knows what else. Mum and Grammy wanted me to stop hanging out with him, but I couldn't. I kept thinking that I could get him to change and give up the pot," Mike let out a bitter laugh. "The whole time that we were together, he had a girlfriend, Jenny. The three of us would hang out together, and all that time, I was screwing her boyfriend behind her back. God, I was an asshole."
"Mike -"
"Harvey," Mike turned back to look at his partner. "Let me finish. I need to get this out now or I never will." It was something he had kept to himself for a long time, not telling anyone at first out of fear, then it became important that his mum and Gammy never find out because it would hurt them, but Harvey was different. Harvey was more than capable of taking care of himself.
"All right."
"Trevor was constantly prodding me, and after a couple months of it, I decided to break things off with him. Jenny had become a friend and I couldn't do that to her. Trevor wasn't too happy about it and considering the fact that I was the only one putting out, I can see why. I probably picked the worse moment to tell him about it though. That night, his parents were away and he'd somehow got his hands on some pills, god knows what they were, probably amphetamines come to think of it. He was completely out of his head, wouldn't let me leave and that was when things got violent."
Mike stopped, not sure if he was able to go through with this. Mike trusted Harvey, there was no doubt about that and he wanted Harvey to know; he needed Harvey to know, but now he wasn't sure if he was actually capable of telling it.
"You said earlier he put you in the hospital?" Harvey prompted. Mike felt Harvey's hand slowly running through his hair, the gentle caress was comforting and Mike drew strength from it.
"I was in the wrestling team, I could hold my own in a normal fight, but whatever Trevor was on, had him so pumped that he barely cared that I broke his nose. It just made him madder and he found a baseball bat from somewhere and just came at me."
The first swing Trevor took went wide and Mike duck out of the way, but the second swing managed to hit him on his left ribcage. Mike moved with the motion, trying to lessen the impact, but it didn't help and he went down. Seemingly satisfied now that Mike was incapacitated, Trevor tossed the baseball bat aside, as Mike struggled to get back on his feet. Trevor grabbed Mike's wrists and pinned him back onto the ground.
"Let me go!"
"No. No one leaves me, and you're not leaving me, Mike. You're not. We're so good together, we could do great things!" Trevor declared, a manic grin on his face. With the blood still dripping down from his broken nose and lips, and his half swollen eyes, he looked like a monster from one of Grimm's Fairy Tales.
"Great things? You barely passed math in junior year and almost flunked history last term. If it hadn't been for me, they would've put you in remedial!" Mike spat out, trying not to pass out from the pain on his side.
"Shut up!" the grin was gone, replaced by pure fury.
"Admit it. You need me more than I ever needed you."
"I know you're in love with me, you need me!"
"Past tense, Trevor. I was in love with you. Then I realised you're not worth it, and all you've ever done was to pull me down with you."
"Shut up!"
"That's all you were ever good for Trevor, getting into trouble. I was always the one who had to get us out. Get off me you fucking asshole!" Mike tried to flip Trevor over with one of his wrestling moves, but the pain in his side made any movement excruciating. "What would Jenny think if she knew you had to cheat to even get a D average? What would she think of you when she realised that you couldn't even put two and two together to get four? That you're an idiot?" Mike taunted.
"I'm not an idiot! Shut up!"
"And what would she think when I tell her you've been cheating on her all this time? With a guy!"
"Shut the fuck up or I'll make you!" Trevor yelled, his grip on Mike's wrists tightening, cutting off the blood flow, and Mike could feel his hands slowly going numb. It was getting harder to breathe especially with Trevor resting more and more of his weight on Mike.
"Get the fuck off me and go fuck yourself, Trevor. I'm done with you!" Mike yelled.
"But I'm not done with you Mike. I'm not done with you at all, and for once I'm going to make you shut up!"
It was then Mike noticed Trevor's erection pressed against his thigh and started to panic.
"I tried to get away, but I almost passed out from the pain," Mike said, his voice had gone quiet.
"Did he..." Harvey sounded tense.
"For months after," Mike continued, his eyes closed. "I swear I could still feel him at the back of my throat, his taste still on my tongue," Mike felt Harvey shifting beside him, a palm on his cheeks, gently turning his head towards Harvey. Mike swallowed hard, opening his eyes he was a little surprise to see pain and hurt reflected back at him. "I'm sorry," Mike said, reaching up to grip Harvey's hand with his own and holding it close to his chest.
"What for?"
"It wasn't my intention to hurt you by telling you about this."
"I'm glad you told me."
"I've never told anyone before. They know about the baseball bat and the drugs, but I never said anything about..." Even after fourteen years, Mike still couldn't bring himself to say it.
"The rape." But Harvey didn't seem to have the same problem.
"Not even my mother or Grammy knows."
"I'm not going to tell Edith," Harvey reassured, gently squeezing Mike's hand.
"It took months, but I managed to put it behind me. I buried the memory, poured all my energy into college applications, taking as many AP classes as I could and acing every single one of them. I contemplated going to CalTech, getting as far away from him as I possibly could, but I didn't want to let him win. And if I ran, he would've won," Mike paused, trying to slow down the flood of emotions that the memories had brought back.
"Did you get any help dealing with it? A counselor?"
Mike nodded. "Mum and Grammy made sure I went."
"But you never told them the full story." It wasn't really a question.
"I think everyone knew better than to mention Trevor's name to me after that, so that made forgetting easier. And some of the stuff the counselor had me doing to deal with the assault, that helped, too. But seeing him today again, with no warning...everything just came back and I don't know how to make it stop," Mike closed his eyes and swallowed, breathing deeply and trying not to fall apart more than he already did.
He felt Harvey moving again; moments later Mike's head was resting on Harvey's chest and Harvey's arms around him, holding him close with his hands rubbing up and down against Mike's back. Breathing in the familiar scent of Harvey, Mike knew then, without a word having spoken, that whatever happened, Mike would get through it because Harvey had his back.
* * *
Harvey had always been good with words, he may not like the uncertainties of going to court, but when he was in front a judge making his arguments, he was one of the best. Harvey was a master in the art of persuasion; words were his tools, which he wielded to great effect. Yet, despite his mastery of words, he had often found himself at lost when it came to expressing his thoughts and feelings to people he cared about, so he relied on his actions instead. When Mike finally stopped speaking, Harvey wasn't sure what words there were to express what he was feeling.
Sorrow? That Mike had gone through something so horrible and had borne the burden alone for so long.
Anger? At the man who did this to him, a man Harvey hadn't even know existed until an hour ago yet he now wanted to maim.
Pain? That Mike was hurting from an event that happened half a lifetime ago, that Harvey wasn't able to help. It was a physical ache that Harvey could feel in his chest.
Pride? So very proud that Mike had survived and thrived despite of it.
And the overwhelming sense of love for the man in his arms; ridiculously smart, confident, compassionate, funny, and all those ludicrous adjectives one find in personal ads that he and Mike would occasionally go through on a Sunday morning for mocking purposes. Every new thing Harvey learned about Mike only served to confirm that he was also one of the most resilient people Harvey had ever met. To have someone like Mike also be completely in tune with Harvey was something he had never expected. Mike was, in every sense of the term, Harvey's better half.
How was it possible for Harvey to put that all into something he could easily express? So all Harvey did was hold Mike close, and hope somehow Mike knew what Harvey was not able to put into words.
Harvey wasn't sure how long they were lying there before he felt Mike relax a fraction, the grip he had on Harvey's hand loosen slightly.
"What's going on with Charlie?" Mike finally asked, just slightly above a whisper, unwilling to disturb the quietness that surrounded them.
"Mike - "
"Unless you can't tell me because of attorney-client privilege?" Mike raised his head to look at Harvey and Harvey could see it in his eyes, a plea to for Harvey to distract him, to give Mike's brain something else to focus on other that the constant replay of a past event that he was cursed to remember every single detail of.
"No, Charlie's fine with me telling you. I've cleared it with him. It's just that there's not much to say beyond what I already told you over the phone. I'm looking into things, and until we find something or his employer does something, there's nothing much for me to go on with."
"What happened though?"
"Couple days ago the foundation on the building project he was working on caved in and collapsed. It was the end of the day so most people had left the site by then, but two workers were standing on top of it when it happened. They're both in ICU at the moment and the doctors aren't sure whether they will survive."
"And they think it's Charlie's fault?" Harvey was pleased to note that Mike seemed to be sufficiently distracted, he was sounding a lot more like himself than he had merely minutes ago.
"We don't know for sure, but it's looking that way. Instead of asking him to investigate and find out what went wrong, they put him on leave. He's has only been working on that project for the last two months and he said he had been noticing some discrepancies with some of their records and the architectural plans," Harvey elaborated.
"What sort of discrepancies?" Mike asked, twisting around so he could look at Harvey.
"Records that may indicate that they were cutting corners with the materials they were using and taking short cuts. He didn't have enough to actually go to anyone about it yet, but he had been making copies of files just in case."
"And you think that someone might have figured out what he was doing and is now scapegoating him to get him out of the way? I take that you have Vanessa on the case?" Mike lifted his head off Harvey's chest.
Harvey gave Mike a dirty look. "Did you read my mind?"
"I just know you," and the small smile Mike gave him was encouraging.
"You should've gone to law school. Together, we could've ruled the galaxy."
"Harvey Reginald Specter, you did not just go Darth Vader on me!" Mike's surprised laugh sounded even better to Harvey. "Oh god, did you just imply that I was Luke?! That's just wrong, dude, so very very very wrong!"
"God, I should've never told you my middle name!" Harvey groaned, hiding his grin by leaning up to capture Mike's lips in a kiss. Harvey had realised for a while now that he would never regret any actions that would make Mike happy, or in this case, forget (even if it was only just for a little while) his troubles. At the back of his mind, Harvey made a mental note to himself to find out everything he could about Trevor Evans.
* * *
Hughes must have said something to the staff in the ER about not bringing things up with Mike, because no one mentioned anything about Hughes taking over his patient and the remaining of his shift. Mike hadn't slept much the night before. It was a bit of a surprise that he hadn't had a nightmare. On the other hand, Mike would have to be asleep to dream, so maybe it really wasn't that unexpected. He had ended up keeping Harvey up half the night with his tossing and turning, but Harvey had outright vetoed the idea of Mike taking the guest room when Mike suggested it at three in the morning.
Mike was thankful that it had been a relatively normal day at the ER with no major catastrophes and Mike could pretend to be doing paperwork in the tiny office, only venturing out when he was called upon for the occasional consult when no one else was available. Mike was just finishing up his notes on his latest patient at his customary position at the admissions desk counter and was starting to think he might just be able to finish his shift without any drama when a familiar voice from his childhood called out to him.
"Mike? Mike Ross?"
Mike looked up from his paperwork the to see Margaret Evans standing at the front desk. Trevor's mother looked pretty much like the last time Mike had seen her. Her hair was shorter with a little more grey than auburn, and there were a few more lines on her face, but she was still recognisable from the woman who used to sneak him an extra cookie before he headed home for dinner.
"Mrs Evans," Mike acknowledged her with a nod.
"I got a message on my phone that Trevor was brought in here," Mrs Evans looked concerned but not agitated; there was something about her expression that seemed to hint at a sense of resignation, like she had been expecting something like this to happen. "I... I didn't know you work here," she stammered, almost as though seeing Mike had caught her off-guard.
Mike gave up all pretense of working on the chart. "I'll take over from here, Jo," Mike said, standing up and making his way around from the back of the counter, not bothering with his lab coat which he'd taken off earlier and was now slung over the back of the chair he was sitting in.
"Dr Ross?" the fact that Jo was addressing him by his title spoke volumes to Mike about just how much she had worked out about his history with Trevor because he was certain Hughes had not divulged any details. Jo had never bothered calling Mike by anything other than his name since the first day of his residency over four years ago.
"Doctor?" Mrs Evans looked surprise at hearing Jo's revelation. "I guess I shouldn't be surprised, you were always the smart one."
"He's in the ICU on level seven," Mike replied, getting straight to business and trying his best to be professional. He had fond memories of Mrs Evans, and it really wasn't her fault that her son turned out to be a bastard despite her best efforts, but it was hard not to feel let down and disappointed by her. It didn't help that Mike's memories of Margaret Evans were inescapably tied up with that of her son.
"How is he?"
"I'm not sure. I didn't ask," Mike knew he sounded callus and unprofessional to be talking to a patient's next of kin the way he was, but given their personal history, it would be the height of hypocrisy to pretend otherwise. "You want me to bring you up?" Still, he couldn't help but offer.
"If you don't mind?" Mrs Evans looked hesitant, clearly unsure about where she stood with Mike. She wasn't the only one.
"I wouldn't have offered otherwise," Mike replied. He turned to Jo. "Jo, I'm going to show Mrs Evans to the ICU. Page me if anyone needs me." When Jo nodded her understanding, Mike turned back to Mrs Evans. "Elevator's this way."
Neither of them spoke as they waited. When the elevator came, they were the only occupants.
"I'm sorry," Mrs Evans said just as they passed level two. "I never got the chance to apologise to you after - "
"Don't," Mike interrupted. "You weren't the one who beat me up and left me for dead."
Mrs Evans was visibly taken aback by Mike's directness. "No, but - "
"Mrs Evans, you didn't do anything. He is responsible for his actions. You have nothing to apologise for and I will never accept his apology even if he did offer me one." The ding of the bell announcing their arrival shattered the awkward silence that followed Mike's statement. Mike led the way towards the ICU admissions desk, only vaguely aware that Mrs Evans was following behind him.
"Ah, Dr Ross," George, one of the ICU nurses greeted him from behind the desk. "To what do we owe the pleasure of your company?"
Mike smiled at George's antics despite himself. "Just making sure Mrs Evans didn't get lost on her way up. Which ward is Trevor Evans in?" Mike asked, somewhat surprised by the fact that he hadn't stumbled over Trevor's name, nor did it send him on the verge of panic. He was still tensed, and was actively trying to breathe normally, but it was nowhere near as bad as it was the day before.
"That would be Ward Four," George answered without even consulting the charts. "You want me to get Dr Raj?"
"Yeah. He will probably want to talk to Mrs Evans. Thanks George."
"No problem, Dr Ross."
"This way," Mike indicated to Mrs Evans to follow him. Ward Four was the second last room down the hallway from the admissions desk. Mike really had no desire to see Trevor, he wasn't masochistic enough to test the limits of his control to that extend, but he also didn't want to just leave Mrs Evans. "Dr Raj is one of the best neurosurgeons in the region; he'll be able to tell you more about Trevor's condition."
"You seem to know everyone."
"Not really. But my job in the ER means I'd have to consult with most of the departments in the hospital, so I have at least a couple of contacts in each department," Mike shrugged as they stopped in front of Ward Four. The ICU ward was all glass and sliding doors for ease of observation and access; Mike turned his back towards the entrance to the room, not even wanting to catch sight of Trevor. "Dr Raj should be here soon. I need to get back to the ER."
"You seem to have an important job," Mrs Evans commented. Mike wasn't sure if she was just trying to make conversation or whether she really wanted to know.
"I'm basically a supervisor," Mike replied, not really wanting to go into too much detail with a woman he hadn't seen for half a lifetime. While she might have been, at one time, as familiar a sight to him as his own mother, the passage of time and distance had rendered Margaret Evans practically a stranger.
"I'm glad you didn't let him drag you down," Mrs Evans said. "Ever since he got out of juvie and went straight back to the drugs, I knew something like this would happen," the sadness and regret in her entire being was obvious even to the most casual observer. "I'm only surprised that it took this long."
"Mrs Evans - " Mike started.
"Go back to work and save some lives, Mike," she interrupted, her words eerily similar to those of Mike's own mother's weeks before she died. "Trevor has reaped what he sowed, I've long been expecting this and I've made my peace," Mrs Evans gave Mike a sad smile and Mike watched as she walked into the room towards his unconscious son.
Mike left, feeling uncertain and almost a sense of pity for Mrs Evans, he wanted to call Harvey but thought better of it. Harvey was probably in meetings, having to play catch up from the day before. As he stepped back into the familiar pandemonium of the ER, Mike felt some of the tension drain out of him and his breathing became easier. It was only a couple of hours until he got off work; that would be soon enough.
Go to Part 2
Author: Moi
Fandom: Suits
Rating: NC-17 (~24,200 words)
Summary: In which Mike is Sherlock, Harvey has ninja skills, and January really isn't shaping up to be a good month for the boys. Set approximately 6 months after In Totidem Verbis. You'll need to read the first 2 fics for this to make any sense at all.
Warning: Implied violence, implied non-con and minor character death.
Disclaimer: Not mine, no profit made.
Notes: This piece is slightly darker than the previous two, and I honestly have no idea where this came from. Expect angst, h/c, and an entire soap opera series worth of Drama. Again, any medical stuff mentioned in this is curtesy of Dr Google. Many thanks again to slashybits and scribewraith for beta.
Feedback: Very welcomed!
Read it in full at Dream Width or in 3 parts here:
It was the first day of Mike Ross's second week as an attending physician at NYP emergency department when dispatch called in three victims with multiple gun shot wounds. It was a drug deal gone south and they were coming in under police escort.
Julie Kim, now Chief Resident, eventually called Mike in to consult on John Doe number one who had a bullet lodged so close to his brain stem that one wrong move and the guy would end up either dead or comatose.
"Too much noise artifact," Mike said, looking at the x-ray images. "All we can say for certain is that the bullet is lodged next to his brain stem. The resolution on this thing is crap. Where's the CT?"
"I know. I've ordered a CT, but they're backed up at the moment, which is why I got the x-ray first," Julia replied. "We were taking one for his shoulder anyway, might as well look at his head. Took care of the shoulder wound by the way, bullet went straight through and didn't hit anything vital."
"Good," Mike replied. "Push the CT through and find out who's on call in neurology. This is going to be one of theirs."
It wasn't until they were wheeling the guy out to get his CT that Mike recognised the unconscious figure on the gurney.
Trevor Evans.
And just like that, Mike's vision of the world tilted on its axis, as his past came crashing through to the present. Mike could feel his pulse speeding up, his breath quickened; signs of an anxiety attack, his brain told him.
"Are you all right? You look like you've seen a ghost," Jo Wilcox, the newly promoted head nurse, asked when Mike found himself seeking refuge at the admissions counter, focusing on his breathing in an attempt to not give into the sheer panic his hindbrain seemed to want to send him into.
"I think I might have," Mike replied. Ignoring Jo's confused look, Mike reached for his cell in his lab coat pocket. "I need to make a call. I'll be in my office if anyone needs me."
Mike shut the door the moment he stepped into the cramped office he shared with Dr Elizabeth Damar, the other permanent attending physician at the ER who was usually on the afternoon shift. He hit the speed dial for Harvey; it took a handful of rings before Harvey picked up.
"Mike?" Harvey answered.
"Bad time?" Mike asked, even the distracted tone of Harvey's voice was enough to clam him down slightly. He wanted to speak to Harvey, but now that Harvey was actually on the phone, Mike realised that he had never actually told Harvey about Trevor, and that was not a conversation he wanted to have over the phone while both of them were at work.
"Charlie's here," Harvey's tone was curt, like he usually was when he was focused on a serious problem. The fact that it was related to Charlie didn't bode well.
"In your office? Is everything all right?"
"No, not really. I'll talk to you over dinner?" Harvey's tone had softened slightly at the last statement, but not by much. Mike immediately picked up on what Harvey's not saying; not something he wanted to discuss at work and over the phone. Just like Mike's own problem then.
"Yeah. I'll see you then."
The fact that Harvey simply hung up without saying goodbye was again not a good sign. If Charlie was in the sort of trouble that he had to go to Harvey for help, Mike's ghost from the past could wait; he had managed to forget about Trevor for over fourteen years, he could wait a few more hours. He had to.
* * *
"You didn't have to blow off Mike like that," Charlie said as soon as Harvey hung up. They were in Harvey's office, Charlie on the couch while Harvey stood, pacing. The door was closed and Donna had strict instructions not to let anyone interrupt them unless the building was burning to the ground.
"He'll understand," Harvey replied. It might sound like he was taking Mike for granted, but Harvey was confident that after over a year together, he knew Mike well enough to say he wouldn't mind. Mike had enough self-confidence and awareness to know not to take it personally. "How the hell did this happen, Charles? You haven't even been back for five months!"
"I don't know! I have a feeling it's been going on since before I took over the project and they're just setting me up as the fall guy. Who would ask questions when it's the new guy who screwed things up, right?" Charlie said, rubbing his face with his palms. Harvey had never seen his brother this stressed out before. "Two people are in ICU because of that shoddy foundation work, I know I don't have anything to do with it, but I still feel responsible."
"Don't say that anywhere outside this office," Harvey warned. "The fact that they've told you to take some time off instead of asking you to help with the investigation is telling me that they think you're guilty of whatever it is that happened."
"Harvey, the part of the building that collapsed was built months before I took over the project. Surely they can't blame me for it?"
"It depends on what they find," Harvey replied. "Without knowing what they want or what information they have, there's nothing much we can do at this point. They might not even do anything."
"You think that's likely?" Charlie asked, skeptical.
"I honestly don't know, not without having more information," Harvey shrugged, not liking the situation one bit. "I'll do some digging. You go home and keep Janice company. Isn't the baby due any day now?" Harvey asked, steering the conversation to happier grounds.
"Yeah, in about three days actually," Charlie smiled, and then he frowned again. "Harvey, if this thing goes south, I'm not sure I can afford your hourly rates. Not with the new house and the baby."
"Don't worry about it. You can pay the expenses and disbursements, and I'll take care of the rest. Besides, we might not get to that point."
"I'm sure you don't believe that. You wouldn't be trying so hard to look unconcerned otherwise."
Harvey sighed. "I forgot who I was talking to," Charlie had always been able to see through his facade. "Like I said, Charlie. Let me do some digging and we'll see what we turn up. Go home and give Janice my best, and don't worry until I tell you to. I've got your back, and this is definitely something they won't expect."
"What? That I have a big brother?"
"That your big brother happens to be me," Harvey replied, confident. "I haven't lost a case since I made Junior Partner, I'm not going to start with my own brother," and Harvey knew it was true. If Hartford Construction came after Charlie, they would be in for one hell of a surprise.
* * *
Mike had stared out of the window in his office for over a minute before he felt calm enough to think straight again. With their history, there was no way Mike could remain objective enough to treat Trevor. It didn't matter that Trevor was likely to be transferred to neurology after the CT scan, Mike was not putting his name down on Trevor's charts as the supervising doctor, he was not going to open the hospital up to the potential fallout that it might bring.
With that in mind, Mike went straight to the office of the head of the department. Over the years that he'd been with the NYP, Mike hadn't actually worked that closely with Dr Richard Hughes before his appointment as attending physician. The middle-aged doctor had always been somewhat of a fatherly figure of the department and encouraged everyone to seek him out if they had any problems. The few times Mike has had to seek his consult because Davidson had been otherwise occupied and the situation was too urgent to wait, Hughes had been more than happy to jump into the foray. Mike had got the feeling that Hughes, now in a more administrative and research intensive position, missed the day-to-day insanity of the ER.
"Ah, Mike, what can I do for you?" Hughes greeted him after Mike knocked on his opened office door. Hughes quite literally had an open door policy to anyone in his department. He never shut his doors unless he was in a confidential meeting with colleagues or patients.
"Dr Hughes, I was wondering if you have a couple minutes to spare?"
"Of course, have a seat. And what did I said about calling me Richard?"
"Thanks, uh... Richard," Mike shut the door behind him. Hughes looked at Mike, curious and assessing.
"What can I do for you, Mike?"
"I think I need you to take over one of the patients who came in earlier with multiple GSWs. He's still in CT at the moment and quite likely will be transferred to neurology once he's stabilised, but until then, I can't be the supervisor on record for him," Mike said in a rush.
"And why's that?"
"The patient's listed a John Doe at the moment, but his name is..." Mike found himself tripping over Trevor's name. "Trevor. Trevor Evans," he finally managed. "I knew him from school."
Hughes was quiet for a moment, he merely looked at Mike. It was then Mike realised he might actually have to tell Hughes what happened between him and Trevor and Mike had to fight down the urge to panic.
"I'm assuming that you have a negative history with Mr Evans?" Hughes eventually asked.
"Very," Mike answered, then he took a deep breath and continued. "We were friends, but we had a fall out. He was high on god knows what and completely lost control. He came at me with a baseball bat."
"He assaulted you?"
"Yes," Mike nodded. "I haven't seen him since I identified him to the police."
"I see," Hughes replied, thoughtful. "I'll take over Mr Evans's care," Hughes agreed, but Mike had a feeling that he was not done, so he didn't say anything and waited for Hughes to continue. "I'm glad you're smart enough to come to me with this instead of trying to deal with this yourself."
"I wouldn't want to compromise the hospital's standard of care," Mike replied.
"That's not the only reason, Mike, and I think you realised that. You have a level of insight that I'm sad to say, escape doctors many years your senior. How much longer until the end of your shift?" Hughes asked, seemingly out of the blue.
Mike looked at his watch. "Three hours. Why?"
"Go home. Go find that young man of yours and try not to have a panic attack. Yes, I noticed you've been trying to keep your breathing under control, and you're doing a very good job of it, but I've been practicing medicine for a while. You can't fool me that easily," Hughes said kindly. "You're in no shape to be treating patients right now."
"Are you sure it's not because you're looking for an excuse to get back in the ER?" Mike replied jokingly, trying not to sound too relief and knowing he probably failed.
"Well, that too. Two birds with one stone. I'm amazed at the brilliance of my solution," Hughes smiled. "I mean it Mike, go home. Or go see Dr Wilson in Psych if you need to."
"No, I'll be fine. Thanks."
"You're welcome."
Mike left Hughes's office feeling a little more like himself; he would not have to see Trevor and for now, the rest could wait for a bit.
* * *
The first inkling Harvey had that something might be wrong with Mike was when he received a text from Mike saying he was getting off work early.
As soon as Harvey was done talking to Vanessa on the phone, he rang Mike.
"What's wrong?" Harvey asked as soon as Mike picked up the phone.
"What makes you think there's something wrong?"
"You called me in the middle of a shift, and less than half an hour later you text me to say you're getting off work early; over three hours early. Now, I admit I was too distracted in the first instance to realise that something was amiss, but now I'm sure something's definitely wrong."
Mike sighed. "I'm on my way to your place. I'll talk to you when you get home."
"You do realise that's not at all reassuring, right?" Harvey asked. Mike usually preferred his own more modest apartment than Harvey's condo, which Mike thought was just a bit too 'modern minimalist' for his taste.
"What's going on with Charlie?" Mike asked instead.
"There was an incident at the site of the project he's working on, people were hurt. He's concerned that they might try to put the blame on him. I'm having someone looking into it for me. And for the record, just because I answered your question doesn't mean that I don't recognise a diversion tactic. Talk to me, Mike."
"I will. Just don't want to be doing it over the phone when I'm sitting in a cab in the middle of Manhattan traffic."
"You're taking a cab? Okay, now I'm really worried," Harvey said, alarmed. Despite Mike's considerable financial means, he didn't often indulged in things like designer clothes or taking a cab when he could ride his bike or take the subway, the only exceptions were when he had to rush back to the hospital due to some emergency. The fact that Mike had voluntarily, as far as Harvey knew, got into a cab to go to Harvey's place suggests that Mike was either physically incapable of riding home due to some injury, or -
"I'm fine. I'm not injured or maimed or any of the hundred horrible things that're going through your head right now," Mike said before Harvey's mind could spiral out of control and conjure up with more worse case scenarios. "I'm just a bit...rattled. Thought it was probably not the best state of mind to be biking through city traffic."
"Right. Good thinking," Harvey replied, getting his thoughts under control. He was a lawyer, it was his job to anticipate the worse, Harvey can't help that his mind automatically jumps to the worse case scenario. "I'm going to get Donna to reshuffle my meetings and -"
"You don't have to. I can wait until you get off work," Mike protested.
"Mike, you called me in the middle of the day," Harvey said, his voice soft. He needed Mike to know that Harvey got his message; that Harvey knew that whatever it was that managed to rattle Mike, it was a big deal. Because Mike was not easily rattled, he dealt with life and death on a daily basis and was trained to remain calm and level headed in a variety of emergency situations; Harvey had witnessed it first hand.
"Yeah, I did."
"I'll get home as soon as possible."
"Okay," Mike sounded relieved, and Harvey knew he made the right call. "Love you," Mike said, voice quieter than before.
"You too. I'll see you soon."
As soon as Harvey hung up, Donna was in his office informing him that she had rescheduled all his meetings for the afternoon except for Henderson, who was already waiting in the boardroom.
"You want me to get rid of him?" Donna asked.
"No. It shouldn't take more than half an hour. And stop listening to my private conversations," Harvey admonished, knowing that it was part of their ritual. Donna would continue to do what Donna does, and Harvey would let her.
* * *
The moment he stepped into Harvey's condo Mike finally felt a sense of safety that he wasn't even aware had fled him. He made his way into the bedroom, leaving his messenger bag by the door, and headed straight for the balcony.
The January air was bitingly cold this far up, but Mike didn't care, he needed to see New York from up high, to hear the muted noise of the traffic far below; to physically remind himself how far he had come since he was seventeen and clueless.
Mike was no longer the confused kid in love with his best friend, whom his mother and grandmother disapproved of; whom Mike himself knew was bad news. The relief he felt after leaving Hughes office was short lived. Mike's mind, normally his best asset, was betraying him, threatening to replay the entire sorry episode back to him in high definition and stereo surround sound. He had barely held it together during the cab ride, and if Harvey hadn't called when he did, Mike was sure he would've had a panic attack right in there in the cab.
So Mike breathed, fighting his memories and the tide of emotions that were associated with it; hurt, anger, pain, betrayal, and worse of all, fear.
It was completely illogical, Trevor was no threat to him now, if anything, he was utterly helpless, and Mike quite literally had the power of life and death in his hands. One extra zero in his dose of medication, a wrong diagnosis, accidental slip of the scalpel during surgery - which Mike could request to assists in - nicking a small but important vein, it would be so easy....
"Mike?" Harvey's voice snapped Mike out of his thoughts, and Mike felt disgusted at himself for sinking to that level. He was a doctor, he took an oath to do no harm, and yet here he was, actively thinking of ways to harm a patient.
"In here," he called out, turning around just in time to see Harvey walking into the bedroom.
"It's freezing."
"Sorry, should've shut the door."
"Have you been standing out here since you get here?" Harvey asked, stepping out onto the veranda to join Mike
"Yeah. Needed some air to clear my head," Mike shrugged as Harvey moved to stand right in front of him, eyes scanning Mike's face for whatever clue Harvey was hoping to find.
"Doesn't look like it's done any good," the concern in Harvey's voice was clear, and Mike felt his control slipping. Harvey must have seen some signs, because the next thing Mike knew, he was in Harvey's arms, and Mike held onto him as though his life depended on it. "I've got you, whatever it is, I've got you," Harvey murmured into his ear. "God, you're trembling. Let's go back inside, all right? You're freezing."
Mike nodded against Harvey's shoulder, not trusting himself to speak without completely losing it.
They made their way back into the bedroom, Harvey still half embracing Mike. Shutting the sliding door behind them, Harvey steered Mike towards the bed. Mike let go of Harvey when they sat down on the edge of the bed and let himself fall backwards to lie on top of the covers, staring blankly at the ceiling.
A minute later, Mike felt the bed dipped beside him, he turned his head to find Harvey, sans jacket and waistcoat, lying on his side watching Mike.
"Talk to me," Harvey prompted gently.
"Did you have a best friend? When you were a kid, I mean," Mike asked.
"Yeah. Rick Jones. Grades five through sophomore year in high school. We used to hang out at his place, spend the afternoon watching Star Trek on video. He was the one who got me hooked."
Mike couldn't help but smile at the mental image of a young Harvey sitting in front of the TV, enthralled by the adventures of Captain Kirk. "What happened to Rick?" Mike asked.
"His dad got a promotion and their family moved to Seattle just before senior year. We lost contact."
"Not a bad way for a friendship to end," Mike turned his attention back to the ceiling. He wasn't sure if he could get the story out if he was looking at Harvey. "Trevor Evans, I knew him since we were six. We did everything together, and practically all my firsts were with him. First prank, first fight, first exam cheat, first smoke, first love, first high, first kiss..." Mike trailed off. "And just five minutes ago I was imagining how I could make sure he didn't walk out of the hospital alive."
"Mike?"
Mike could tell Harvey was shocked. Whether it was from Mike's disclosure about the fact that he'd been a cheat and an addict, that he'd contemplated killing someone or a combination of both, he wasn't sure.
"I haven't seen Trevor since I was seventeen. He was expelled and spent eight months in juvie for drug possession and putting me in the hospital. Earlier today he was wheeled into the ER, my ER with multiple GSW," Mike took a deep breath, steeling himself of what was yet to come. "I did some stupid things with Trevor, got high on pot, helped him cheat on exams, all sorts of crap I never told you about. I knew I was doing the wrong thing, but somehow, Trevor always, always managed to convince me it was a good idea. I think the fact that I was in love with him didn't help either. Mum caught us one day when she got home early from work."
"Caught you doing what?"
"Each other, and a bag of weed," Mike replied. "She kicked Trevor out and basically locked me in my room until I sobered up. Then she sat me down at the kitchen table, the bag of weed between us, and asked me what she had done wrong."
"Ouch."
Mike snorted. "Yeah, major guilt trip. She didn't say anything about my apparent preference for guys, just the drugs. I swore to her that I would never get high again, and I've kept that promise. Trevor wasn't too happy about it, kept calling me a spoilsport, party pooper and god knows what else. Mum and Grammy wanted me to stop hanging out with him, but I couldn't. I kept thinking that I could get him to change and give up the pot," Mike let out a bitter laugh. "The whole time that we were together, he had a girlfriend, Jenny. The three of us would hang out together, and all that time, I was screwing her boyfriend behind her back. God, I was an asshole."
"Mike -"
"Harvey," Mike turned back to look at his partner. "Let me finish. I need to get this out now or I never will." It was something he had kept to himself for a long time, not telling anyone at first out of fear, then it became important that his mum and Gammy never find out because it would hurt them, but Harvey was different. Harvey was more than capable of taking care of himself.
"All right."
"Trevor was constantly prodding me, and after a couple months of it, I decided to break things off with him. Jenny had become a friend and I couldn't do that to her. Trevor wasn't too happy about it and considering the fact that I was the only one putting out, I can see why. I probably picked the worse moment to tell him about it though. That night, his parents were away and he'd somehow got his hands on some pills, god knows what they were, probably amphetamines come to think of it. He was completely out of his head, wouldn't let me leave and that was when things got violent."
Mike stopped, not sure if he was able to go through with this. Mike trusted Harvey, there was no doubt about that and he wanted Harvey to know; he needed Harvey to know, but now he wasn't sure if he was actually capable of telling it.
"You said earlier he put you in the hospital?" Harvey prompted. Mike felt Harvey's hand slowly running through his hair, the gentle caress was comforting and Mike drew strength from it.
"I was in the wrestling team, I could hold my own in a normal fight, but whatever Trevor was on, had him so pumped that he barely cared that I broke his nose. It just made him madder and he found a baseball bat from somewhere and just came at me."
The first swing Trevor took went wide and Mike duck out of the way, but the second swing managed to hit him on his left ribcage. Mike moved with the motion, trying to lessen the impact, but it didn't help and he went down. Seemingly satisfied now that Mike was incapacitated, Trevor tossed the baseball bat aside, as Mike struggled to get back on his feet. Trevor grabbed Mike's wrists and pinned him back onto the ground.
"Let me go!"
"No. No one leaves me, and you're not leaving me, Mike. You're not. We're so good together, we could do great things!" Trevor declared, a manic grin on his face. With the blood still dripping down from his broken nose and lips, and his half swollen eyes, he looked like a monster from one of Grimm's Fairy Tales.
"Great things? You barely passed math in junior year and almost flunked history last term. If it hadn't been for me, they would've put you in remedial!" Mike spat out, trying not to pass out from the pain on his side.
"Shut up!" the grin was gone, replaced by pure fury.
"Admit it. You need me more than I ever needed you."
"I know you're in love with me, you need me!"
"Past tense, Trevor. I was in love with you. Then I realised you're not worth it, and all you've ever done was to pull me down with you."
"Shut up!"
"That's all you were ever good for Trevor, getting into trouble. I was always the one who had to get us out. Get off me you fucking asshole!" Mike tried to flip Trevor over with one of his wrestling moves, but the pain in his side made any movement excruciating. "What would Jenny think if she knew you had to cheat to even get a D average? What would she think of you when she realised that you couldn't even put two and two together to get four? That you're an idiot?" Mike taunted.
"I'm not an idiot! Shut up!"
"And what would she think when I tell her you've been cheating on her all this time? With a guy!"
"Shut the fuck up or I'll make you!" Trevor yelled, his grip on Mike's wrists tightening, cutting off the blood flow, and Mike could feel his hands slowly going numb. It was getting harder to breathe especially with Trevor resting more and more of his weight on Mike.
"Get the fuck off me and go fuck yourself, Trevor. I'm done with you!" Mike yelled.
"But I'm not done with you Mike. I'm not done with you at all, and for once I'm going to make you shut up!"
It was then Mike noticed Trevor's erection pressed against his thigh and started to panic.
"I tried to get away, but I almost passed out from the pain," Mike said, his voice had gone quiet.
"Did he..." Harvey sounded tense.
"For months after," Mike continued, his eyes closed. "I swear I could still feel him at the back of my throat, his taste still on my tongue," Mike felt Harvey shifting beside him, a palm on his cheeks, gently turning his head towards Harvey. Mike swallowed hard, opening his eyes he was a little surprise to see pain and hurt reflected back at him. "I'm sorry," Mike said, reaching up to grip Harvey's hand with his own and holding it close to his chest.
"What for?"
"It wasn't my intention to hurt you by telling you about this."
"I'm glad you told me."
"I've never told anyone before. They know about the baseball bat and the drugs, but I never said anything about..." Even after fourteen years, Mike still couldn't bring himself to say it.
"The rape." But Harvey didn't seem to have the same problem.
"Not even my mother or Grammy knows."
"I'm not going to tell Edith," Harvey reassured, gently squeezing Mike's hand.
"It took months, but I managed to put it behind me. I buried the memory, poured all my energy into college applications, taking as many AP classes as I could and acing every single one of them. I contemplated going to CalTech, getting as far away from him as I possibly could, but I didn't want to let him win. And if I ran, he would've won," Mike paused, trying to slow down the flood of emotions that the memories had brought back.
"Did you get any help dealing with it? A counselor?"
Mike nodded. "Mum and Grammy made sure I went."
"But you never told them the full story." It wasn't really a question.
"I think everyone knew better than to mention Trevor's name to me after that, so that made forgetting easier. And some of the stuff the counselor had me doing to deal with the assault, that helped, too. But seeing him today again, with no warning...everything just came back and I don't know how to make it stop," Mike closed his eyes and swallowed, breathing deeply and trying not to fall apart more than he already did.
He felt Harvey moving again; moments later Mike's head was resting on Harvey's chest and Harvey's arms around him, holding him close with his hands rubbing up and down against Mike's back. Breathing in the familiar scent of Harvey, Mike knew then, without a word having spoken, that whatever happened, Mike would get through it because Harvey had his back.
* * *
Harvey had always been good with words, he may not like the uncertainties of going to court, but when he was in front a judge making his arguments, he was one of the best. Harvey was a master in the art of persuasion; words were his tools, which he wielded to great effect. Yet, despite his mastery of words, he had often found himself at lost when it came to expressing his thoughts and feelings to people he cared about, so he relied on his actions instead. When Mike finally stopped speaking, Harvey wasn't sure what words there were to express what he was feeling.
Sorrow? That Mike had gone through something so horrible and had borne the burden alone for so long.
Anger? At the man who did this to him, a man Harvey hadn't even know existed until an hour ago yet he now wanted to maim.
Pain? That Mike was hurting from an event that happened half a lifetime ago, that Harvey wasn't able to help. It was a physical ache that Harvey could feel in his chest.
Pride? So very proud that Mike had survived and thrived despite of it.
And the overwhelming sense of love for the man in his arms; ridiculously smart, confident, compassionate, funny, and all those ludicrous adjectives one find in personal ads that he and Mike would occasionally go through on a Sunday morning for mocking purposes. Every new thing Harvey learned about Mike only served to confirm that he was also one of the most resilient people Harvey had ever met. To have someone like Mike also be completely in tune with Harvey was something he had never expected. Mike was, in every sense of the term, Harvey's better half.
How was it possible for Harvey to put that all into something he could easily express? So all Harvey did was hold Mike close, and hope somehow Mike knew what Harvey was not able to put into words.
Harvey wasn't sure how long they were lying there before he felt Mike relax a fraction, the grip he had on Harvey's hand loosen slightly.
"What's going on with Charlie?" Mike finally asked, just slightly above a whisper, unwilling to disturb the quietness that surrounded them.
"Mike - "
"Unless you can't tell me because of attorney-client privilege?" Mike raised his head to look at Harvey and Harvey could see it in his eyes, a plea to for Harvey to distract him, to give Mike's brain something else to focus on other that the constant replay of a past event that he was cursed to remember every single detail of.
"No, Charlie's fine with me telling you. I've cleared it with him. It's just that there's not much to say beyond what I already told you over the phone. I'm looking into things, and until we find something or his employer does something, there's nothing much for me to go on with."
"What happened though?"
"Couple days ago the foundation on the building project he was working on caved in and collapsed. It was the end of the day so most people had left the site by then, but two workers were standing on top of it when it happened. They're both in ICU at the moment and the doctors aren't sure whether they will survive."
"And they think it's Charlie's fault?" Harvey was pleased to note that Mike seemed to be sufficiently distracted, he was sounding a lot more like himself than he had merely minutes ago.
"We don't know for sure, but it's looking that way. Instead of asking him to investigate and find out what went wrong, they put him on leave. He's has only been working on that project for the last two months and he said he had been noticing some discrepancies with some of their records and the architectural plans," Harvey elaborated.
"What sort of discrepancies?" Mike asked, twisting around so he could look at Harvey.
"Records that may indicate that they were cutting corners with the materials they were using and taking short cuts. He didn't have enough to actually go to anyone about it yet, but he had been making copies of files just in case."
"And you think that someone might have figured out what he was doing and is now scapegoating him to get him out of the way? I take that you have Vanessa on the case?" Mike lifted his head off Harvey's chest.
Harvey gave Mike a dirty look. "Did you read my mind?"
"I just know you," and the small smile Mike gave him was encouraging.
"You should've gone to law school. Together, we could've ruled the galaxy."
"Harvey Reginald Specter, you did not just go Darth Vader on me!" Mike's surprised laugh sounded even better to Harvey. "Oh god, did you just imply that I was Luke?! That's just wrong, dude, so very very very wrong!"
"God, I should've never told you my middle name!" Harvey groaned, hiding his grin by leaning up to capture Mike's lips in a kiss. Harvey had realised for a while now that he would never regret any actions that would make Mike happy, or in this case, forget (even if it was only just for a little while) his troubles. At the back of his mind, Harvey made a mental note to himself to find out everything he could about Trevor Evans.
* * *
Hughes must have said something to the staff in the ER about not bringing things up with Mike, because no one mentioned anything about Hughes taking over his patient and the remaining of his shift. Mike hadn't slept much the night before. It was a bit of a surprise that he hadn't had a nightmare. On the other hand, Mike would have to be asleep to dream, so maybe it really wasn't that unexpected. He had ended up keeping Harvey up half the night with his tossing and turning, but Harvey had outright vetoed the idea of Mike taking the guest room when Mike suggested it at three in the morning.
Mike was thankful that it had been a relatively normal day at the ER with no major catastrophes and Mike could pretend to be doing paperwork in the tiny office, only venturing out when he was called upon for the occasional consult when no one else was available. Mike was just finishing up his notes on his latest patient at his customary position at the admissions desk counter and was starting to think he might just be able to finish his shift without any drama when a familiar voice from his childhood called out to him.
"Mike? Mike Ross?"
Mike looked up from his paperwork the to see Margaret Evans standing at the front desk. Trevor's mother looked pretty much like the last time Mike had seen her. Her hair was shorter with a little more grey than auburn, and there were a few more lines on her face, but she was still recognisable from the woman who used to sneak him an extra cookie before he headed home for dinner.
"Mrs Evans," Mike acknowledged her with a nod.
"I got a message on my phone that Trevor was brought in here," Mrs Evans looked concerned but not agitated; there was something about her expression that seemed to hint at a sense of resignation, like she had been expecting something like this to happen. "I... I didn't know you work here," she stammered, almost as though seeing Mike had caught her off-guard.
Mike gave up all pretense of working on the chart. "I'll take over from here, Jo," Mike said, standing up and making his way around from the back of the counter, not bothering with his lab coat which he'd taken off earlier and was now slung over the back of the chair he was sitting in.
"Dr Ross?" the fact that Jo was addressing him by his title spoke volumes to Mike about just how much she had worked out about his history with Trevor because he was certain Hughes had not divulged any details. Jo had never bothered calling Mike by anything other than his name since the first day of his residency over four years ago.
"Doctor?" Mrs Evans looked surprise at hearing Jo's revelation. "I guess I shouldn't be surprised, you were always the smart one."
"He's in the ICU on level seven," Mike replied, getting straight to business and trying his best to be professional. He had fond memories of Mrs Evans, and it really wasn't her fault that her son turned out to be a bastard despite her best efforts, but it was hard not to feel let down and disappointed by her. It didn't help that Mike's memories of Margaret Evans were inescapably tied up with that of her son.
"How is he?"
"I'm not sure. I didn't ask," Mike knew he sounded callus and unprofessional to be talking to a patient's next of kin the way he was, but given their personal history, it would be the height of hypocrisy to pretend otherwise. "You want me to bring you up?" Still, he couldn't help but offer.
"If you don't mind?" Mrs Evans looked hesitant, clearly unsure about where she stood with Mike. She wasn't the only one.
"I wouldn't have offered otherwise," Mike replied. He turned to Jo. "Jo, I'm going to show Mrs Evans to the ICU. Page me if anyone needs me." When Jo nodded her understanding, Mike turned back to Mrs Evans. "Elevator's this way."
Neither of them spoke as they waited. When the elevator came, they were the only occupants.
"I'm sorry," Mrs Evans said just as they passed level two. "I never got the chance to apologise to you after - "
"Don't," Mike interrupted. "You weren't the one who beat me up and left me for dead."
Mrs Evans was visibly taken aback by Mike's directness. "No, but - "
"Mrs Evans, you didn't do anything. He is responsible for his actions. You have nothing to apologise for and I will never accept his apology even if he did offer me one." The ding of the bell announcing their arrival shattered the awkward silence that followed Mike's statement. Mike led the way towards the ICU admissions desk, only vaguely aware that Mrs Evans was following behind him.
"Ah, Dr Ross," George, one of the ICU nurses greeted him from behind the desk. "To what do we owe the pleasure of your company?"
Mike smiled at George's antics despite himself. "Just making sure Mrs Evans didn't get lost on her way up. Which ward is Trevor Evans in?" Mike asked, somewhat surprised by the fact that he hadn't stumbled over Trevor's name, nor did it send him on the verge of panic. He was still tensed, and was actively trying to breathe normally, but it was nowhere near as bad as it was the day before.
"That would be Ward Four," George answered without even consulting the charts. "You want me to get Dr Raj?"
"Yeah. He will probably want to talk to Mrs Evans. Thanks George."
"No problem, Dr Ross."
"This way," Mike indicated to Mrs Evans to follow him. Ward Four was the second last room down the hallway from the admissions desk. Mike really had no desire to see Trevor, he wasn't masochistic enough to test the limits of his control to that extend, but he also didn't want to just leave Mrs Evans. "Dr Raj is one of the best neurosurgeons in the region; he'll be able to tell you more about Trevor's condition."
"You seem to know everyone."
"Not really. But my job in the ER means I'd have to consult with most of the departments in the hospital, so I have at least a couple of contacts in each department," Mike shrugged as they stopped in front of Ward Four. The ICU ward was all glass and sliding doors for ease of observation and access; Mike turned his back towards the entrance to the room, not even wanting to catch sight of Trevor. "Dr Raj should be here soon. I need to get back to the ER."
"You seem to have an important job," Mrs Evans commented. Mike wasn't sure if she was just trying to make conversation or whether she really wanted to know.
"I'm basically a supervisor," Mike replied, not really wanting to go into too much detail with a woman he hadn't seen for half a lifetime. While she might have been, at one time, as familiar a sight to him as his own mother, the passage of time and distance had rendered Margaret Evans practically a stranger.
"I'm glad you didn't let him drag you down," Mrs Evans said. "Ever since he got out of juvie and went straight back to the drugs, I knew something like this would happen," the sadness and regret in her entire being was obvious even to the most casual observer. "I'm only surprised that it took this long."
"Mrs Evans - " Mike started.
"Go back to work and save some lives, Mike," she interrupted, her words eerily similar to those of Mike's own mother's weeks before she died. "Trevor has reaped what he sowed, I've long been expecting this and I've made my peace," Mrs Evans gave Mike a sad smile and Mike watched as she walked into the room towards his unconscious son.
Mike left, feeling uncertain and almost a sense of pity for Mrs Evans, he wanted to call Harvey but thought better of it. Harvey was probably in meetings, having to play catch up from the day before. As he stepped back into the familiar pandemonium of the ER, Mike felt some of the tension drain out of him and his breathing became easier. It was only a couple of hours until he got off work; that would be soon enough.
Go to Part 2