(Untitled)

[improper_me]

I hear your words as they wash over me,
It has been a day in the books,
A year in the making;

No holding me back,
All within my reach;

Shifting
Filtering
Falling
Madly
Blurry

I see you daily now,
We meet in a joy-filled union,
We know each other's songs,
I plunge;

Everything I wanted,
A smile and she breaks me;

Blurry
Madly
Falling
Filtering
Shifting

Her

Comments

[jem0000000]

*hugs*

[improper_me]

:)

[whipchick]

This is really lovely, and the ending is so simple and powerful. One thing caught me up - "joy-filled union" feels a little generic next to the beautiful specificity of "we know each other's songs." I wonder if that's a place where a detail that tells more about this relationship rather than an observation on many relationships would work?

[improper_me]

Great feedback. Now that I look it over, it does seem to stick out in a different tone than the words around it. Thank you for the critique!

[dreamsreflected]

this is beautiful.

[improper_me]

Thank you. Posting poetry is a tough one for me.

[cheshire23]

I like the idea here.

One thing that seemed off:

No partner could never say that...

Should that have been "could ever"?

[improper_me]

Ah yes. I switched that around when editing but forgot to save that error. Thanks you for the heads up!

[eternal_ot]

"But lies would bring me comfort."....aww...lovely imagery here..a nice poem! if only she understood *sigh*..:)

[improper_me]

Thank you, I appreciate it :)