The Suit - Chapter 8 (Bleach, Sado/Ishida)
Title: The Suit, Chapter 8/10
Rating: currently R
Pairing: Sado/Ishida
Warnings: Set in Bleach universe, but the time skip made it A/R.
Summary: With less than a year left before Uryuu heads off to university, he'd been certain he'd avoid all the complications and distractions of a high-school romance. His attraction to Chad threatens to throw a wrench in his neatly-laid plans.
Chapter 8
One part of me just wants to tell you everything
One part just needs the quiet
In the bright morning sunshine, the six of them walked quietly back toward the town proper. Even when Chad took a turn away from the group, down the street that would take him to his apartment and Uryuu turned with him, no one spoke; they all carried their exhaustion with a solemn silence.
Chad wore a coat that he'd shed when the fighting began, and that covered his tattered shirt, but one leg was mostly bare, the pants-leg left behind in the dirt. That, plus Uryuu's showy white uniform smeared with dirt, gained them curious glances which Chad seemed not to notice. He plodded on, sagging in exhaustion.
Uryuu walked beside Chad, noticing the glances but unable to care, his mind ticking. The near-epiphany that had come with the sunrise had stunned him into inner stillness. Right then, walking quietly at Chad's side in the breaking dawn, everything that had once seemed so complicated now felt so simple.
"Are you okay?" Chad asked suddenly, the words pricking the bubble of stillness that surrounded Uryuu.
"What?" Uryuu's head snapped up. "Why are you asking me that?"
Chad shrugged.
"Just... tired," Uryuu explained. "Are you all right?"
"Yeah." Chad's smile was soft, almost amused. "Just like new."
"Good," Uryuu said with a nod, skimming his gaze over Chad's tattered pants. A mental flash of exposed bone and muscle made him frown.
"...Also, we passed your street," Chad said after a few more seconds.
Uryuu glanced behind him, his eyebrows rising. "Oh. Well--" He squared his shoulders and kept walking forward. "I thought I'd make you some breakfast. I bet you're going to be extremely hungry, if you're not already."
Chad's smile widened. "I don't have much food at home."
"I'll make do," Uryuu said.
Once the bathroom door closed behind Chad and the hiss of the shower started up, Uryuu stretched his arms above his head, grimacing at the dull ache in his shoulders and back. Then he walked into the kitchen area and found that Chad had been telling the truth; he had almost no food. Uryuu frowned into the refrigerator, frowned harder into the cabinets, and for a moment considered stepping out to visit a convenience store.
He discarded that idea--he wanted to be here when Chad came out. So with one last frown, he plucked several packages of instant noodles out of the cabinet and set the water on to boil.
When Chad emerged from the bathroom clad in a threadbare t-shirt and a pair of sweatpants, Uryuu had a very small feast of noodles, crackers, plums and juice arranged on the low table in the living area. As he approached, it made Uryuu's heart glad to see that the shuffle in his step had faded, and that the slump had gone out of his broad shoulders. To distract himself from the way Chad's hair looked wet and clinging to his cheeks, which truly wasn't the reason he'd chosen to come home with Chad, Uryuu knelt and rearranged the dishes, pushing two bowls of noodles and the plate of rice crackers to Chad's side of the table. "You really didn't have much," he said.
"Haven't been shopping yet," Chad said, taking his place and looking down at the modest spread. He seemed pleased... and by all outward appearances entirely unaffected by the events of earlier. Uryuu's stomach, however, was still tight and sore and a little bit sour from the aftereffects of adrenaline, and he had to pick at his noodles before he could swallow a good mouthful.
Chad ate with all the appetite of a healthy teenaged boy, emptying his bowls and finishing off the rice crackers when Uryuu indicated with a wrinkling of his nose that he didn't want any.
"You going to school today?" Chad asked, reaching for a plum.
Uryuu glanced at the clock; he still had enough time to go home, shower and change, and still make most of his classes, as long as he didn't dawdle. But he didn't even consider it an option. "No. And you're not either. You need sleep."
Chad smiled, slow and easy, and he finished chewing before he spoke. "All right," was all he said, still smiling, and Uryuu wanted to sigh in relief; he'd expected some argument, thought he might have to talk Chad into taking the rest he definitely needed. And after the morning they'd had, Uryuu didn't know if he had the energy left to argue.
They finished eating in silence, listening to the morning bustle of the town outside--birdsong faded, overcome by steadily increasing sounds of traffic, doors opened and closed in the apartment complex, and Uryuu's thoughts were louder than any of these things. While he was still eating his plum in neat little bites, Chad stood and cleared the table. Uryuu watched him, watched the stretch of the t-shirt across his shoulders, the way the wet hair curled at the back of his neck, and a complicated tangle of emotions and reservations and urges and concerns made his stomach go sour again. He put his plum down, half-eaten, and rose from the table.
"So... " he said, straightening the cuff of his uniform sleeve. He'd realized, over the course of the meal, that he had no clue how one invited oneself to sleep with another person.
"Thank you," Chad said. He leaned against the kitchen counter. "Are you... "
Uryuu sighed softly. Of course he couldn't count on Chad to provide the right conversational cues, but he was too worn out to work up any frustration. He glanced at the futon, folded in the corner, then back at Chad, remembering the long fingers gently cradling his wrist, the warmth of Chad's body at his back, the sheer unexpected comfort of it. When he met Chad's eyes, he was almost positive Chad was thinking the same thing.
He took a slow breath. "I'll stay, if you want," he said quietly.
Perhaps it was his imagination, but he thought he saw Chad relax, as if he'd been bracing himself to hear something unpleasant. "I'd like that," Chad said, his deep voice soft and serious.
And Uryuu had no clue how to respond to that, and his palms were suddenly clammy and his throat was dry, so he just nodded and picked up the remainder of his plum. As he dropped it into the garbage bin, Chad pushed off from the counter a few feet away. "I have some clothes, if you want to change," he offered.
Uryuu craned his head back to meet Chad's eyes, and the mental image of himself in Chad's clothes--if they'd even stay on him--made Uryuu hmmf in amusement.
"They're Ichigo's," Chad clarified, and when Uryuu didn't answer right away, he added, "They're clean." As if that were the entire reason for Uryuu's hesitation.
Clean clothes would be nice, though. And as comfortable as his uniform was, it was still a uniform, made of sturdy fabric and riddled with small pockets, which were filled with a multitude of useful things. He'd just ignore the fact that the clothing belonged to Ichigo. "That would be nice, thank you."
When Uryuu stepped out of the bathroom, feeling self-conscious dressed in a ring-neck t-shirt and a pair of gym shorts that barely covered his briefs, he found that Chad had turned off the lights, closed the curtains against the bright morning sunlight and laid out the futon. He sat on it now, his back to Uryuu, arms crossed over his drawn-up knees, head bowed, and it hit Uryuu again what they had just witnessed. Twenty-three children dead, their souls freed from their bodies, and Chad only inches away from joining them. Uryuu crossed his arms over his stomach, chilled. If Orihime hadn't been there...
And that was exactly why he was here now. He'd come in the hopes that his presence, his company, could distract Chad from whatever had him staring off into space like that, would comfort him, ease him into sleep. It wasn't the only reason he was here now, walking silently on bare feet to kneel beside the futon, but it was by far the most important one.
"Sado-kun," he said quietly.
Sado turned to face him, and after a few silent seconds his full lips quirked up in a little smile. "Those are pretty old, aren't they," he said, glancing down at Uryuu's legs.
Uryuu tugged down on the shorts, which only succeeded in baring another inch of hip. "Yeah," he said, attempting to subdue his embarrassment. "When's the last time Ichigo wore these, middle school?"
"Almost," Chad said. "I bet you're cold." Chad scooted back on the futon, pulling with him the comforter still folded at his feet--Hawaiian print, Uryuu noticed with a sort of affectionate amusement when he watched Chad shake it out.
Grateful for the chance to cover up, Uryuu slid in beside him and stretched out on his back. He shivered, and then Chad was close, his arm moving slowly on its way to lay over Uryuu's chest. Slowly enough to give him a chance to say no, Uryuu realized.
But he didn't say no, and the arm draped over him, and Chad's generous body-heat began immediately soaking into his skin. Uryuu closed his eyes and felt Chad's breath against his shoulder, and he felt something in his chest swell and tremble, and he swallowed.
Because it hadn't gone away at all. Over the months, the attraction he'd fought and accepted, and then fought and denied, it hadn't finally worked itself out, as he'd told himself it would. Seeing Chad at school, watching him with his friends, his frequent presence in Uryuu's thoughts, all that had added up to turn a little attraction into something much more profound--and much more complex.
But Uryuu could hardly even consider the complexities of his feelings when Chad's fingers splayed out over his shoulder and Chad's forehead bumped against the side of his head. Could hardly think at all, beyond, He's alive. Fingers shaking, Uryuu brought the arm crammed between them up and tentatively flattened his hand on Chad's leg, the one that had regenerated in front of his eyes only hours ago. Chad's fingers on his shoulder squeezed gently.
"How is it?" Uryuu asked in a voice barely louder than a whisper. He left his hand there for another second, feeling the warmth and the solid muscle under the sweatpants, but more than that, feeling the wholeness of it.
"...Fine," Chad said, a low rumble in his ear. "It doesn't feel any different than usual."
Chad's arm was a solid weight over Uryuu's chest, and even through Ichigo's old shirt he could feel the warmth of Chad's breath on his shoulder. He was buffeted with images of Chad bleeding, broken, blood and bones gleaming in the huge rents in his flesh. How many times had he seen Chad fall, and wondered if he'd ever get back up again? How many times had he fallen, himself?
It wasn't a thing that he thought about often; it wasn't a thing that he let himself worry about, normally. He was what he was, and he did what he did because he had to. He knew that the others were the same. Who among them could turn their backs on a soul in need, who could ignore the call to arms? None of them could. This would continue. They would answer the call when it came, and at any time, one of them could fall. Soon enough, luck would run out.
It could happen in a month.
It could happen tomorrow.
Chad's face, grey and lifeless, his dark blood spilling out onto the dirt.
Uryuu squeezed his eyes closed as that thing in his chest shuddered, and Chad must have felt him twitch, because he raised his head.
"What is it?" Chad whispered.
Uryuu turned his face a few degrees toward Chad, met Chad's dark eyes, and it was impossible to find the words to explain what had made him tremble, what was making his hands shake still.
You were almost gone, he thought, and then right on its heels: I almost lost you.. This thought made him feel selfish, foolish, and yet, he couldn't stop thinking.
I've wasted so much time, when I could have spoken.
But he swallowed and licked his lips, still entirely clueless in which direction Chad's feelings lie. After the morning they'd had, Chad especially, he couldn't bring himself to shatter this peace. Closing his eyes and letting his head fall back, facing the ceiling once more, he said, "It's been... a long time. Since anyone... "
Chad seemed to understand without Uryuu having to finish the sentence. Since anyone came that close to dying. His palm pressed against Uryuu's upper arm, fingers curling around the curve of his shoulder.
"I know," Chad said, and the chaste, careful way he hugged Uryuu against him made Uryuu swallow hard again.
"It's just that... I don't think that's something you ever get used to," Uryuu whispered. Then he took a deep breath, blew it out hard. "Forgive me. It was you, not me."
"No need to apologize," Chad said. "It's not easy, to think of losing a friend."
Uryuu relaxed at the understanding in Chad's voice, and the simple way he said the word friend. His throat tightened, and a wave of deep loneliness blindsided him. He clearly saw his isolation stretching back over the long years of his schooling, broken only by brief, intense periods of war and bloodshed. He knew that if he didn't make some changes, that loneliness could very well stretch out into his future. He could easily see himself in ten years, working long hours at a law office in some other city and going home to an empty apartment, never speaking to anyone unless it was necessary. And though that was one of the options he'd previously accepted, even hoped for, thinking of it now make his gut clench with the desolation of it.
But he wasn't lonely now. Now, he was being held by a friend, being comforted though he'd come here to give comfort. He thought that Chad was one of the few people in this world who could understand exactly how his inner landscape was being ravaged.
Uryuu drew in a careful breath, aware that his eyes were wet, and that he was on the verge of losing his composure entirely. He realized that it was silly to think that Chad could read him so perfectly; probably just some fantasy his mind, in its exhausted, compromised state, had come up with to make him feel even more connected to Chad. But read his mind or not, Chad was reacting in just the way Uryuu needed: not speaking, not interrupting his thoughts, only moving now that Uryuu had himself under some kind of control.
Chad pushed himself up and slid his right arm under Uryuu's neck, and Uryuu let Chad turn him onto his side, with his back to Chad. He tried not to sigh when Chad wrapped his left arm around him and pulled him up tight against his long, warm body. Chad held him close, knees tucked into the hollows behind Uryuu's own knees, his forehead pressed against the back of Uryuu's head.
Uryuu found Chad's wrist and slipped his fingers around it, gave it a little squeeze. He felt a subtle shiver run through Chad, felt his breath come out shaking against the back of his neck, and he closed his eyes and pressed Chad's arm hard against his stomach. It occurred to him that perhaps Chad needed to hold someone exactly as much as Uryuu needed to be held.
This made a sublime sense to him, and the clear logic of it soothed him almost as much as the warmth of the embrace. He kept a steady pressure on Chad's wrist--I'm here, you're not alone, he hoped it said to Chad--until he felt Chad's breathing slow. The pitch of it lowered, became thick and heavy and even, and Uryuu listened to Chad sleeping until he too fell asleep.
TBC...
__________________
Mannn, I love these guys. I can't even.
Also, I made a small edit to the last chapter to slightly lessen Chad's injuries. Originally, I'd had Chad losing an arm, which was very in-character, I thought! XD But I re-thought it, worried I was dipping into too many cliches as it was, and at the last minute, I changed it to his leg, severed just below the hip. BUT, I do think that was a *little* too extreme, so I changed it to his leg below the knee, instead. Less blood loss that way, right?
Also also, I need to go in and edit all the next/previous chapter stuff, eventually.
Lyrics (c) Toad the Wet Sprocket - I Will Not Take These Things For Granted and omg, I LOOOVE this song, I think it's just perfect.
previous chapter | next chapter
Rating: currently R
Pairing: Sado/Ishida
Warnings: Set in Bleach universe, but the time skip made it A/R.
Summary: With less than a year left before Uryuu heads off to university, he'd been certain he'd avoid all the complications and distractions of a high-school romance. His attraction to Chad threatens to throw a wrench in his neatly-laid plans.
Chapter 8
One part of me just wants to tell you everything
One part just needs the quiet
In the bright morning sunshine, the six of them walked quietly back toward the town proper. Even when Chad took a turn away from the group, down the street that would take him to his apartment and Uryuu turned with him, no one spoke; they all carried their exhaustion with a solemn silence.
Chad wore a coat that he'd shed when the fighting began, and that covered his tattered shirt, but one leg was mostly bare, the pants-leg left behind in the dirt. That, plus Uryuu's showy white uniform smeared with dirt, gained them curious glances which Chad seemed not to notice. He plodded on, sagging in exhaustion.
Uryuu walked beside Chad, noticing the glances but unable to care, his mind ticking. The near-epiphany that had come with the sunrise had stunned him into inner stillness. Right then, walking quietly at Chad's side in the breaking dawn, everything that had once seemed so complicated now felt so simple.
"Are you okay?" Chad asked suddenly, the words pricking the bubble of stillness that surrounded Uryuu.
"What?" Uryuu's head snapped up. "Why are you asking me that?"
Chad shrugged.
"Just... tired," Uryuu explained. "Are you all right?"
"Yeah." Chad's smile was soft, almost amused. "Just like new."
"Good," Uryuu said with a nod, skimming his gaze over Chad's tattered pants. A mental flash of exposed bone and muscle made him frown.
"...Also, we passed your street," Chad said after a few more seconds.
Uryuu glanced behind him, his eyebrows rising. "Oh. Well--" He squared his shoulders and kept walking forward. "I thought I'd make you some breakfast. I bet you're going to be extremely hungry, if you're not already."
Chad's smile widened. "I don't have much food at home."
"I'll make do," Uryuu said.
Once the bathroom door closed behind Chad and the hiss of the shower started up, Uryuu stretched his arms above his head, grimacing at the dull ache in his shoulders and back. Then he walked into the kitchen area and found that Chad had been telling the truth; he had almost no food. Uryuu frowned into the refrigerator, frowned harder into the cabinets, and for a moment considered stepping out to visit a convenience store.
He discarded that idea--he wanted to be here when Chad came out. So with one last frown, he plucked several packages of instant noodles out of the cabinet and set the water on to boil.
When Chad emerged from the bathroom clad in a threadbare t-shirt and a pair of sweatpants, Uryuu had a very small feast of noodles, crackers, plums and juice arranged on the low table in the living area. As he approached, it made Uryuu's heart glad to see that the shuffle in his step had faded, and that the slump had gone out of his broad shoulders. To distract himself from the way Chad's hair looked wet and clinging to his cheeks, which truly wasn't the reason he'd chosen to come home with Chad, Uryuu knelt and rearranged the dishes, pushing two bowls of noodles and the plate of rice crackers to Chad's side of the table. "You really didn't have much," he said.
"Haven't been shopping yet," Chad said, taking his place and looking down at the modest spread. He seemed pleased... and by all outward appearances entirely unaffected by the events of earlier. Uryuu's stomach, however, was still tight and sore and a little bit sour from the aftereffects of adrenaline, and he had to pick at his noodles before he could swallow a good mouthful.
Chad ate with all the appetite of a healthy teenaged boy, emptying his bowls and finishing off the rice crackers when Uryuu indicated with a wrinkling of his nose that he didn't want any.
"You going to school today?" Chad asked, reaching for a plum.
Uryuu glanced at the clock; he still had enough time to go home, shower and change, and still make most of his classes, as long as he didn't dawdle. But he didn't even consider it an option. "No. And you're not either. You need sleep."
Chad smiled, slow and easy, and he finished chewing before he spoke. "All right," was all he said, still smiling, and Uryuu wanted to sigh in relief; he'd expected some argument, thought he might have to talk Chad into taking the rest he definitely needed. And after the morning they'd had, Uryuu didn't know if he had the energy left to argue.
They finished eating in silence, listening to the morning bustle of the town outside--birdsong faded, overcome by steadily increasing sounds of traffic, doors opened and closed in the apartment complex, and Uryuu's thoughts were louder than any of these things. While he was still eating his plum in neat little bites, Chad stood and cleared the table. Uryuu watched him, watched the stretch of the t-shirt across his shoulders, the way the wet hair curled at the back of his neck, and a complicated tangle of emotions and reservations and urges and concerns made his stomach go sour again. He put his plum down, half-eaten, and rose from the table.
"So... " he said, straightening the cuff of his uniform sleeve. He'd realized, over the course of the meal, that he had no clue how one invited oneself to sleep with another person.
"Thank you," Chad said. He leaned against the kitchen counter. "Are you... "
Uryuu sighed softly. Of course he couldn't count on Chad to provide the right conversational cues, but he was too worn out to work up any frustration. He glanced at the futon, folded in the corner, then back at Chad, remembering the long fingers gently cradling his wrist, the warmth of Chad's body at his back, the sheer unexpected comfort of it. When he met Chad's eyes, he was almost positive Chad was thinking the same thing.
He took a slow breath. "I'll stay, if you want," he said quietly.
Perhaps it was his imagination, but he thought he saw Chad relax, as if he'd been bracing himself to hear something unpleasant. "I'd like that," Chad said, his deep voice soft and serious.
And Uryuu had no clue how to respond to that, and his palms were suddenly clammy and his throat was dry, so he just nodded and picked up the remainder of his plum. As he dropped it into the garbage bin, Chad pushed off from the counter a few feet away. "I have some clothes, if you want to change," he offered.
Uryuu craned his head back to meet Chad's eyes, and the mental image of himself in Chad's clothes--if they'd even stay on him--made Uryuu hmmf in amusement.
"They're Ichigo's," Chad clarified, and when Uryuu didn't answer right away, he added, "They're clean." As if that were the entire reason for Uryuu's hesitation.
Clean clothes would be nice, though. And as comfortable as his uniform was, it was still a uniform, made of sturdy fabric and riddled with small pockets, which were filled with a multitude of useful things. He'd just ignore the fact that the clothing belonged to Ichigo. "That would be nice, thank you."
When Uryuu stepped out of the bathroom, feeling self-conscious dressed in a ring-neck t-shirt and a pair of gym shorts that barely covered his briefs, he found that Chad had turned off the lights, closed the curtains against the bright morning sunlight and laid out the futon. He sat on it now, his back to Uryuu, arms crossed over his drawn-up knees, head bowed, and it hit Uryuu again what they had just witnessed. Twenty-three children dead, their souls freed from their bodies, and Chad only inches away from joining them. Uryuu crossed his arms over his stomach, chilled. If Orihime hadn't been there...
And that was exactly why he was here now. He'd come in the hopes that his presence, his company, could distract Chad from whatever had him staring off into space like that, would comfort him, ease him into sleep. It wasn't the only reason he was here now, walking silently on bare feet to kneel beside the futon, but it was by far the most important one.
"Sado-kun," he said quietly.
Sado turned to face him, and after a few silent seconds his full lips quirked up in a little smile. "Those are pretty old, aren't they," he said, glancing down at Uryuu's legs.
Uryuu tugged down on the shorts, which only succeeded in baring another inch of hip. "Yeah," he said, attempting to subdue his embarrassment. "When's the last time Ichigo wore these, middle school?"
"Almost," Chad said. "I bet you're cold." Chad scooted back on the futon, pulling with him the comforter still folded at his feet--Hawaiian print, Uryuu noticed with a sort of affectionate amusement when he watched Chad shake it out.
Grateful for the chance to cover up, Uryuu slid in beside him and stretched out on his back. He shivered, and then Chad was close, his arm moving slowly on its way to lay over Uryuu's chest. Slowly enough to give him a chance to say no, Uryuu realized.
But he didn't say no, and the arm draped over him, and Chad's generous body-heat began immediately soaking into his skin. Uryuu closed his eyes and felt Chad's breath against his shoulder, and he felt something in his chest swell and tremble, and he swallowed.
Because it hadn't gone away at all. Over the months, the attraction he'd fought and accepted, and then fought and denied, it hadn't finally worked itself out, as he'd told himself it would. Seeing Chad at school, watching him with his friends, his frequent presence in Uryuu's thoughts, all that had added up to turn a little attraction into something much more profound--and much more complex.
But Uryuu could hardly even consider the complexities of his feelings when Chad's fingers splayed out over his shoulder and Chad's forehead bumped against the side of his head. Could hardly think at all, beyond, He's alive. Fingers shaking, Uryuu brought the arm crammed between them up and tentatively flattened his hand on Chad's leg, the one that had regenerated in front of his eyes only hours ago. Chad's fingers on his shoulder squeezed gently.
"How is it?" Uryuu asked in a voice barely louder than a whisper. He left his hand there for another second, feeling the warmth and the solid muscle under the sweatpants, but more than that, feeling the wholeness of it.
"...Fine," Chad said, a low rumble in his ear. "It doesn't feel any different than usual."
Chad's arm was a solid weight over Uryuu's chest, and even through Ichigo's old shirt he could feel the warmth of Chad's breath on his shoulder. He was buffeted with images of Chad bleeding, broken, blood and bones gleaming in the huge rents in his flesh. How many times had he seen Chad fall, and wondered if he'd ever get back up again? How many times had he fallen, himself?
It wasn't a thing that he thought about often; it wasn't a thing that he let himself worry about, normally. He was what he was, and he did what he did because he had to. He knew that the others were the same. Who among them could turn their backs on a soul in need, who could ignore the call to arms? None of them could. This would continue. They would answer the call when it came, and at any time, one of them could fall. Soon enough, luck would run out.
It could happen in a month.
It could happen tomorrow.
Chad's face, grey and lifeless, his dark blood spilling out onto the dirt.
Uryuu squeezed his eyes closed as that thing in his chest shuddered, and Chad must have felt him twitch, because he raised his head.
"What is it?" Chad whispered.
Uryuu turned his face a few degrees toward Chad, met Chad's dark eyes, and it was impossible to find the words to explain what had made him tremble, what was making his hands shake still.
You were almost gone, he thought, and then right on its heels: I almost lost you.. This thought made him feel selfish, foolish, and yet, he couldn't stop thinking.
I've wasted so much time, when I could have spoken.
But he swallowed and licked his lips, still entirely clueless in which direction Chad's feelings lie. After the morning they'd had, Chad especially, he couldn't bring himself to shatter this peace. Closing his eyes and letting his head fall back, facing the ceiling once more, he said, "It's been... a long time. Since anyone... "
Chad seemed to understand without Uryuu having to finish the sentence. Since anyone came that close to dying. His palm pressed against Uryuu's upper arm, fingers curling around the curve of his shoulder.
"I know," Chad said, and the chaste, careful way he hugged Uryuu against him made Uryuu swallow hard again.
"It's just that... I don't think that's something you ever get used to," Uryuu whispered. Then he took a deep breath, blew it out hard. "Forgive me. It was you, not me."
"No need to apologize," Chad said. "It's not easy, to think of losing a friend."
Uryuu relaxed at the understanding in Chad's voice, and the simple way he said the word friend. His throat tightened, and a wave of deep loneliness blindsided him. He clearly saw his isolation stretching back over the long years of his schooling, broken only by brief, intense periods of war and bloodshed. He knew that if he didn't make some changes, that loneliness could very well stretch out into his future. He could easily see himself in ten years, working long hours at a law office in some other city and going home to an empty apartment, never speaking to anyone unless it was necessary. And though that was one of the options he'd previously accepted, even hoped for, thinking of it now make his gut clench with the desolation of it.
But he wasn't lonely now. Now, he was being held by a friend, being comforted though he'd come here to give comfort. He thought that Chad was one of the few people in this world who could understand exactly how his inner landscape was being ravaged.
Uryuu drew in a careful breath, aware that his eyes were wet, and that he was on the verge of losing his composure entirely. He realized that it was silly to think that Chad could read him so perfectly; probably just some fantasy his mind, in its exhausted, compromised state, had come up with to make him feel even more connected to Chad. But read his mind or not, Chad was reacting in just the way Uryuu needed: not speaking, not interrupting his thoughts, only moving now that Uryuu had himself under some kind of control.
Chad pushed himself up and slid his right arm under Uryuu's neck, and Uryuu let Chad turn him onto his side, with his back to Chad. He tried not to sigh when Chad wrapped his left arm around him and pulled him up tight against his long, warm body. Chad held him close, knees tucked into the hollows behind Uryuu's own knees, his forehead pressed against the back of Uryuu's head.
Uryuu found Chad's wrist and slipped his fingers around it, gave it a little squeeze. He felt a subtle shiver run through Chad, felt his breath come out shaking against the back of his neck, and he closed his eyes and pressed Chad's arm hard against his stomach. It occurred to him that perhaps Chad needed to hold someone exactly as much as Uryuu needed to be held.
This made a sublime sense to him, and the clear logic of it soothed him almost as much as the warmth of the embrace. He kept a steady pressure on Chad's wrist--I'm here, you're not alone, he hoped it said to Chad--until he felt Chad's breathing slow. The pitch of it lowered, became thick and heavy and even, and Uryuu listened to Chad sleeping until he too fell asleep.
TBC...
__________________
Mannn, I love these guys. I can't even.
Also, I made a small edit to the last chapter to slightly lessen Chad's injuries. Originally, I'd had Chad losing an arm, which was very in-character, I thought! XD But I re-thought it, worried I was dipping into too many cliches as it was, and at the last minute, I changed it to his leg, severed just below the hip. BUT, I do think that was a *little* too extreme, so I changed it to his leg below the knee, instead. Less blood loss that way, right?
Also also, I need to go in and edit all the next/previous chapter stuff, eventually.
Lyrics (c) Toad the Wet Sprocket - I Will Not Take These Things For Granted and omg, I LOOOVE this song, I think it's just perfect.
previous chapter | next chapter