Why it Must be Me? - Chapter 17
Title: The Maknae's Dilemma Series: Story 1 - Cho Kyuhyun of Super Junior (Why it Must be Me?)
Author: imaginarybulb
Rating: PG-13 to NC-17
Pairing(s): Kyuhyun/?, Eunhyuk/Kibum/Donghae, Kyuhyun/Sungmin, Kangin/Leeteuk, Hankyung/Heechul, parings may come and go
Summary: It had always been the three of them. Everyone knew that, so does Kyuhyun. Especially Kyuhyun. But still, Kyuhyun succumbed into their world.
Siwon massaged his head and temple before covering his mouth with the same hand that was propped on his knee. He sighed and closed his eyes, trying to calm his messed up mind. His train of thoughts were cut off abruptly when the person on his bed shifted slightly, making him freeze.
After a long minute, Siwon slowly turned towards the sleeping male and he felt like slapping his face yet again when he saw Kyuhyun, sleeping. He had been doing the same thing ever since he had waken up. Thinking hard, turning towards the sleeping maknae, feeling like slapping himself, thinking, turning towards the sleeping maknae, feeling like slapping himself and on and on and on.
The same sentence had been running around his head ever since that night; what have I done?
Last night… Last night he…
Fuck dammit, Choi Siwon!
Siwon groaned into his hands, the thought of raping the maknae hadn’t left his mind. How could he, the hyung, rape their one and only maknae? How could he even dare to do that to their maknae?
How could he become so inhumane?
Siwon fisted his hair with both hands, the images were forming in his head, creating memories. How Kyuhyun looked so debouched under him. How Kyuhyun moaned sounded like. How Kyuhyun begged him to move faster hyung, faster, harder!
How Kyuhyun didn’t stop him.
Why? He silently thought. It had been bothering him. Why didn’t Kyuhyun stop him? Why didn’t Kyuhyun hit, punch, kick or bite him? Why didn’t Kyuhyun scream for help?
Why Kyuhyun let Siwon did that to him?
His mind was fucked up by now. All he wanted to do was helping Kyuhyun to solve his problem with Sungmin. And now, he had slept with Kyuhyun for an unknown reason.
It’s no doubt that he had liked Kyuhyun for quite some time now, but that didn’t give him the permission to take advantage on the maknae. No matter how much he hugged, kissed or touched Kyuhyun, he already drawn a line between him and Super Junior’s maknae. And he had promised to himself that he won’t cross the line no matter what.
And he broke the promise.
This is wrong, he thought but the other part of his mind didn’t agree, but it felt so right last night, don’t you think?
The way his bow-shaped lips turned red and swollen from the kiss.
The way his milky white chest heaving up and down.
The way his eyes glazed with lust.
The way he begged you to go faster.
The way he clenched around your dick.
The way he cum all over yours and his chest-
“Shut up,” Siwon growled, pressing his palm harder to his eyes, blocking all the vivid images. He began to grow harder at the thought of last night, but his erection was killed instantly the moment he felt Kyuhyun shifted around his bed again.
He turned behind him and his heart beats faster when Kyuhyun started opening his eyes slowly. He clamped his mouth shut, afraid of making any noise, afraid of scaring Kyuhyun away. He had to explain this or else-
“….Siwon hyung?” his train of thought was cut off when Kyuhyun’s sleepy chocolate brown orbs met his darker brown ones. He blinked, not answering as he eyed the maknae pushing himself up while rubbing his sleepy eye, not realizing that he was bare-chested.
Siwon cleared his throat awkwardly as he shifted his gaze to the safest spot; the floor. He waited, until he heard the soft gasp elicited by Kyuhyun. He hesitantly looked up and saw Kyuhyun covering his mouth, his eyes filled with shame as he held the blanket to cover his torso.
“….Kyu…” Siwon started softly, not wanting to make the younger one panicked.
“I’m sorry,” came the instant muffled reply. Siwon blinked as Kyuhyun removed the hand from his mouth and sighed heavily, his hands curled into fists, “I’m sorry, Siwon hyung… This… I…” It doesn’t take long for Kyuhyun to break down into sobs, his hands automatically covering his face as if in shame.
“I’m so sorry for being such an idiot…” he heard Kyuhyun sobbed, “This is…. I can’t even… I’m so sorry, hyung… I’m sorry…”
Siwon just stayed silent as Kyuhyun continued to sob out strings of ‘I’m sorry’. He felt so many emotions running around him right now. Sad that the maknae looked so broken. Hurt that Kyuhyun actually didn’t feel what he had felt for the maknae. Confuse at what actually had happened to Kyuhyun. Angry for being such a useless hyung.
Sighing softly, Siwon stood up after he ruffled Kyuhyun’s hair, “I’ll give you some time to be alone. Call me if you need anything.”
--
Ryeowook bit his lips, his eyes unfocused.
His mind was unfocused.
Ryeowook was just back from drinking with his old friends. He was drunk, just a bit because he could still walk back to the dorm without falling flat on his face and inserting the key into the keyhole without missing it.
“I’m home~~” he said cheerily, his words slurred due to the alcohol, okay maybe I’m a little too drunk. He frowned with a pout when he got no reply, “Aish… Everyone asleep already?”
Of course, it’s already 1.43 AM.
Huffing when he couldn’t take off his shoes, Ryeowook sat on the floor, planning to take off his shoes using his hands. He succeeds after two minutes struggling and he felt exhausted after that. He lay on the floor, too lazy to move to his room.
He was about to close his tired eyes when he heard soft noises.
Snapping his eyes open, Ryeowook pushed himself up, his eyes roamed across the dark dorm, trying to see through the darkness. He rubbed his nose, “Anyone there?”
No answer.
But the noises were still there. Soft, too soft that Ryeowook almost misses it. If it’s not because of the quietness of the dorm, he would’ve missed the soft noises.
Grunting, Ryeowook pushed himself up so that he was standing on his feet. He still couldn’t stand straight because of the alcohol, but he forced himself to take a step forward. And another and another, until he’s in the middle of the living room.
“Hello?” he asked softly, still in daze. And yet again, he got no answer. Shrugging, maybe I’m hearing things, he stumbled towards his room, or maybe it was Sungmin or other members but what the heck, he’s drunk and he’s sleepy. He couldn’t care less where he wanted to crash into.
He was slumping on Leeteuk’s (or could be Shindong’s) bedroom door when the same noises spun into his hearings for the third -or maybe fourth - time. He frowned, because this is serious. He kept hearing noises and he couldn’t make out where it came from and what it is.
It could be a burglar or some crazy fans.
Alarmed, Ryeowook tip-toed slowly towards the noises. He had to strain to hear it since the noises were too soft. After a few stumbles and quiet curses, Ryeowook finally gave up when he stumbled and fell on to the floor. He sighed heavily, feeling sleepiness taking toll on him.
“H-Hyung!”
Ryeowook’s ears perked up.
“Ungh! S-Siwon h-hyung! F-Faster…!”
His eyes snapped open, Kyuhyun?
“T-Too tight! Ugh!”
He pushed himself up, Siwon?
It’s a blur after that, because the sleepiness had engulfed Ryeowook, forcing him to the dreamland, with Kyuhyun’s moans and Siwon’s grunts as his lullaby.
Ryeowook jumped when someone patted his shoulder, making the said person to jump as well. He turned towards the person and gave a tensed, “S-Sungmin hyung!”
Sungmin blinked before he smiled, “Hey Wook. What’s up?” he sat beside the eternal maknae, sipping his coffee. He stopped sipping when Ryeowook didn’t reply. He turned his head towards the younger male and frowned when Ryeowook was staring to the floor, his own brows creased as he gnawed his lips.
“Hey…” Sungmin softly said as he patted Ryeowook’s shoulder and his frown deepened when Ryeowook jumped again, “Wookie-ah… What’s wrong?”
Ryeowook blinked, surprised. He didn’t know how to answer Sungmin’s simple yet bothering question. Sure, the older male had heard all of his problems before, but this is not something he could freely tell the pink-lover male.
Because this involves Kyuhyun.
He knew that Sungmin has a soft-spot on Kyuhyun. He loves the maknae more than anyone in the group. It doesn’t take a genius to know that. However, Ryeowook was still pondering if the love is love or something that restricted only to brotherly-love. Sungmin is always there for Kyuhyun and Kyuhyun (though not visible) is always there for Sungmin. But lately the two looked so awkward together, as if they were having a fight or something. It’s rare to even see them sleeping together in their shared bedroom. Sometimes Sungmin was having a late schedule that required him to come home at 3AM in the morning or sometimes it was Kyuhyun or sometimes Kyuhyun would sleep at Leeteuk’s room or sometimes Sungmin would go to the gym. Ryeowook was bothered by the lack of ‘KYUMIN’ interactions, but Hankyung had told him that it could be because of the schedule.
And Ryeowook believed the older male.
“Ryeowook?” Ryeowook snapped out of his reverie for the third time upon hearing Sungmin’s voice. He looked at the older male, “Yeah?”
Sungmin sighed, “I asked you, what’s wrong? You’ve been spacing out.”
The eternal maknae bit his lips, he was torn between telling Sungmin what had happened or kept it as his little secret. But seeing Sungmin’s worried eyes, he just couldn’t lie to the older male.
And he just didn’t have the heart to tell Sungmin what had happened.
Frustrated, Ryeowook ruffled his own hair roughly, surprising the older male. He cradled his head with his hands, eyes clenching tight as his head pounded painfully. It could be the hangover or maybe because the thing that had been running around his mind, Ryeowook wasn’t sure.
Sungmin eyed the eternal maknae worriedly. Ryeowook had been spacing out all morning and he’s not taking his breakfast. He knew Ryeowook went drinking last night with his old colleagues so it could’ve been the hangover, but something in Sungmin said that it was something more than that.
It was something serious.
It was something that involved Kyuhyun.
Dread washed over him. What happened to Kyuhyun? He instinctively gripped Ryeowook’s shoulder, surprising the younger male, “Ryeowook, tell me, is something happened to Kyuhyun?”
Ryeowook’s eyes widened, completely surprised at the question and Sungmin’s heart beats faster. He knew he had hit the jackpot. He placed aside his coffee so that he could grab Ryeowook’s shoulders with both of his hands. He turned the eternal maknae so that they were facing each other, “Wook, tell me!” he asked again, desperation all over his face and voice.
Ryeowook was hesitating, he knew that. From the way he bit his lips to the way he averted his gaze back to the floor, and Sungmin was becoming even more restless. He shook the younger one lightly, urging him to just spill it out.
“Well…” Ryeowook started, still hesitating and Sungmin leaned towards him a bit, his frantic eyes searched for Ryeowook’s nervous orbs.
“It’s…” Ryeowook took a deep breath. “It’s about Kyuhyun.”
--
Kyuhyun sighed as he sat beside on the edge of Siwon’s bed. After Kyuhyun had finished showering, he was met with a neat bed (with its sheets changed) and his clean clothes for him to change into. Siwon was nowhere in sight and Kyuhyun knew the older male was giving him some privacy.
How irony, the maknae thought as he ran his fingers through his slightly damp hair. He snapped his head towards the door when it was being knocked, Siwon’s voice spun into his hearings, “Can I come in?”
“Uhm… Yeah, sure,” Kyuhyun answered, it’s your own room, he added in afterthought.
Siwon opened the door as he hesitantly peered inside and Kyuhyun couldn’t help but to chuckle at the older male’s cute behavior, “It’s okay hyung. Come in.”
Siwon nodded and entered the room, slowly closing the door behind him. He walked towards the maknae and stopped a few feet from him, confusing Kyuhyun.
“Are you okay?” the actor started after a minute of silence. He was nervous about this. Hell, he didn’t even know what to say to Kyuhyun right now.
“Yeah, I’m fine,” came the calm reply, which surprised Siwon.
“You mean… Y-You’re not… Uh… Hurt?” he carefully asked, his Shibrows knitted together.
“Uh….” Kyuhyun rubbed his neck, not knowing how to answer. Of course it hurts, but he just couldn’t tell that to Siwon because he just knew the older male would freak out, so he chose the safest answer, “I’m fine, really.”
It seemed to be the best answer because Siwon sighed in relief and silence fell between them again. Kyuhyun knew Siwon wanted to ask something and he somewhat knew what was it, so he just kept silence and waited for Siwon to speak out.
“Uhmm…” the older male bit his lips as he scratched the back of his head nervously, “Uh… I… Wh-What is going to happen now?” Kyuhyun looked up, “Between us,” Siwon added.
The maknae lowered his head and faced the floor again. He took a deep breath, “I-I’m sorry, hyung. For what I’ve done.” He looked up and met with Siwon’s confused face, “I’m really sorry. It’s just…” He lets out a shuddering breath, “I… I was…” Sad, angry, hurt, “I just…. It just sorta happened-Gosh, I really didn’t know how to explain this,” he said exasperatedly, burying his face into his palms.
Siwon watched the maknae silently and Kyuhyun continued, “I just… Something happened… And I… I’m sorry, hyung…. I just ruined our relationship, I know… And…And I’m sure it’s going to be hard for us to be back to normal… But… I-I… I’m sorry hyung, I really am.” He was rambling and he knew it, but Kyuhyun was loss at words. He couldn’t tell Siwon what really happened because it involves Sungmin and he really didn’t want to drag Siwon into his problem with Sungmin.
“Hey,” Kyuhyun removed his hands from his face, looking up at Siwon.
“You know… Nothing will change between us, no matter what had happened,” the older male said, a soft smile graced his handsome face.
“Hyung…” Kyuhyun started to tear up again, touched by Siwon’s words. He felt ashamed and angry at himself for using his kind hyung for his convenience. He felt a déjà vu, remembering the exact thing he had done to his other kind hyung, Sungmin. And now, he was paying the price for his selfishness, he lost his knight in shining armor, his anchor that kept him from drowning, his pillar that kept him from breaking, his protector. Kyuhyun started to sob; sadness and regrets surged through his body, he just couldn’t think what would’ve happen if he loses another hyung.
Siwon panicked when Kyuhyun cried again, he stepped forward to hold the maknae in his arms, but stopped immediately. He was afraid if Kyuhyun would be traumatized if he was near him. He had read about raped victims; they would avoid any close physical contact with other people.
Except that Kyuhyun was not raped, another part of his mind said. He went to you, so…
Siwon ruffled his own hair in frustration, this is not the time to debate about this. He then walked towards Kyuhyun and kneeled in front of the maknae, still keeping a safe distant between the two of them. Slowly, he raised his hand to pat Kyuhyun’s head, gaining the maknae’s attention. Siwon’s heart churned to see Kyuhyun’s teary, bloodshot eyes and he continued patting Kyuhyun’s head, marveling at the soft hair against his palm.
“It’s okay, Kyuhyun-ah… I understand if you have a problem that you didn’t want to talk about. I perfectly understand that what happened last night… Was unintentional,” he pressed a finger on Kyuhyun’s bow-shaped lips when the maknae tried to interrupt, “But I don’t care. You’re still my favorite dongsaeng, my maknae and I still love you.”
Kyuhyun went still, only soft hiccups were heard. He bit his lips as he cried again and lunged towards Siwon, hugging the older male tightly, surprising the actor.
“Thank you, hyung,” Kyuhyun said, “Thank you so much.”
Siwon smiled and hugged Kyuhyun back, “You’re welcome maknae.”
Nothing will change, maknae-ah. I promise you that.
--
Kyuhyun sighed as he opened his eyes slowly, blinking away the sleepiness. He glanced at the clock hung on the wall, 6.05 PM.
He gets up from the bed abruptly, his eyes widened, “What the-I’ve slept for 8 hours!?” His mouth was hung open in disbelieve. Siwon had already gone for his schedule right after their ‘crying and apologizing session’. The older male had bring him ‘breakfast in bed’ (like Sungmin, he bitterly thought) and let him to sleep in his room for awhile until his schedule, which is on 2 PM.
Oh fuck, Leeteuk hyung and manager hyung are going to fry my ass!!
He jumped off the bed, hastily making the bed. He groaned when the bed went messier than before, he’s not good with making things neat. Scratching his un-itchy head, he gave up with a loud huff, I’ll tell Siwon hyung I’m sorry later.
He then walked towards the door and opened it in fast movement. He was about to go to his room, when someone stopped him.
“Kyuhyun.”
Kyuhyun jumped when he heard his name was called by Eun-wait, Kibum. He turned his head towards the older male and his eyes widened slightly at seeing Kibum, Eunhyuk, Donghae, Sungmin and Ryeowook at the living room, all looking at him.
He frowned for a moment but managed to force out a smile, “Yes, hyung.”
“Can we talk for a moment?” Kibum said and Kyuhyun was bothered at how serious and stern the older male sounded. This is far from the normal cheery Kibum; he did not like this at all.
“I’m sorry hyung, I’m super late for my schedule,” he said, giving excuse. It’s not a lie, so it’s okay, he said to himself.
To his surprise however, Kibum shook his head softly, his hands crossed on his chest, “I called Leeteuk hyung earlier and told him that you’re sick. You’re excused today.”
Kyuhyun bit his lips, feeling panicked already, “Uh… I see… But… I’m not sick.”
“Oh, really?” Kyuhyun raised his brows at the tone; no, he did not like this one bit,. “Then, why are you sleeping in Siwon hyung’s room last night?”
“I was too tired last night so I just went to any room that I spotted, and it happened to be Siwon hyung’s room,” came the immediate reply and Kyuhyun mentally winced at how easy he tells a lie.
“Then, why didn’t you come out from Siwon hyung’s room and why was he bringing you breakfast and your clothes?”
Kyuhyun hesitated at that, “….I was too tired so I just took a bath in the bathroom in Siwon hyung’s room. He brought breakfast for me because I was too tired.”
Kibum stared at him and Kyuhyun squirmed slightly under the stare. Kibum’s eyes were intense and they seemed like they can read through his soul, “Then, why are you so tired, Kyuhyun-ah?”
Kyuhyun snapped his head up, his eyes widened as they connected with Kibum’s intense ones. His head scrambled for a lie, anything, anything that can save him from telling the truth. No, he’s not going to tell the truth. There is no way in hell, he’ll tell the truth.
“…I… I was tired…” he bit his lips, “I was tired because we were practicing really hard yesterday… And uh… I think my body is just too weak…” that was cheap, he bitterly thought. Having to use the weakness he hated, the accident, to cover up his ass.
“Are you sure?” this one came from Sungmin and Kyuhyun’s hands balled into fists. No, he’s not angry with Sungmin, not at all. He was trying to prevent himself from crying at the nonchalant tone Sungmin was using, as if nothing had happened last night, as if he didn’t scream that he hated Sungmin last night. How could he do that, Kyuhyun thought. How Sungmin could still be strong after what he had done? Kyuhyun had avoided him, saying things that hurt his feelings and yet Sungmin could still talk normally. Kyuhyun was hurt but he acted like his world wasn’t crumbling down.
But your love was unrequited by three people and the person that had promised to take care of you turned his back to you, the dark side of his mind mused.
But that was different, he countered back. I’m the one who fell in love, I’m the one who refused to let go, I’m the one acting like a jerk towards the person who loves me. Sungmin hyung did nothing wrong, he was just there, for me and I used him for my convenience.
“Kyuhyun?” he was snapped back to reality when Ryeowook’s soft voice spun to his hearings. He looked up - he just realized he had been staring at the floor - and saw the eternal maknae was fiddling with his fingers nervously; his eyes connected with Kyuhyun and unlike Kibum’s, Ryeowook’s eyes were filled with worry and anxiety.
What’s going on?
“Kyuhyun…. I…. We…” Ryeowook started, stumbling over his words and Kyuhyun frowned. What is going on here? he pondered, eyebrows creased into a frown. Suddenly, realization hits him, don’t tell me…
The three…already knew about my crush-
Instinctively, Kyuhyun started to bolt to his room when he felt the sudden panic attack. He was a few steps to his bedroom door when someone grabbed his wrist and yanked him into a stop. Feeling panicked, Kyuhyun yanked his hand from the grip, his eyes already watering.
“Kyuhyun, stop!” Donghae said, gripping the maknae’s wrist tighter. But Kyuhyun was still resisting; he gripped Donghae’s hand that was gripping his wrist and tried to pry it off, but it was evidence that the older male was stronger than him.
“Kyuhyun, listen to us!” Donghae said again and Kyuhyun couldn’t understand why the older male sounded so desperate like that.
Kyuhyun’s struggle against Donghae’s grip went about a minute or so and this time Donghae got the hold of both of his wrists, preventing him from escaping. He kept shaking his head while biting his lips when Donghae told him to calm down, until Kibum got enough of his antics and without the pair realizing it, the actor was walking towards them.
SLAP!
The whole room went silent. Donghae’s grips loosening, Sungmin’s eyes widened, Ryeowook’s covering his mouth as a small gasp escaped his lips, Eunhyuk was standing up, Kyuhyun stopped trashing and Kibum was still calm.
Even though his hand stung a bit from the slap he had gave Kyuhyun. On his right cheek.
Everything in Kyuhyun’s world just shut down, crumbling into pieces and became dark. Kibum had just slapped him. Hard. On his face. Kibum.
Tears spilling out of his eyes, but he didn’t realize it. His wrists slipped out of Donghae’s grips and rested weakly on his sides. His blank, teary eyes bore the floor, not noticing the regret in Kibum’s eyes.
“K-Kyuhyun-ah…” Kibum started, his hand reaching up to Kyuhyun’s stinging cheek and to his surprise (and everyone including Kyuhyun), the maknae slapped his hand away, his wide eyes met Kibum’s wary orbs and Kibum felt his heart stopped at the hurt and disbelieve look in the younger male’s eyes.
“Kyuhyun--”
“What’s your problem?” Kyuhyun asked, cutting the actor off. The older males were surprised at the harsh tone in Kyuhyun’s wavering voice.
“Why won’t you leave me alone!? Stop bothering me because you know nothing about me!” Kyuhyun pressed his palms to his ears and shut his eyes tightly, wishing that he was taken away from here, away from them, “Just leave me alone!!”
Then suddenly, Kyuhyun felt someone gripping his wrists again to pry his palms off his ears, forcing him to open his eyes and go back to the reality he had started to hate. Kibum was the one this time and he had never seen the older male looking so strained. Eyebrows forming a frown, eyes sad and wary, Kibum kept telling him to listen, just listen to me, Kyu!
“I heard you slept with Siwon hyung last night!” Kibum blurted out and Kyuhyun froze upon hearing the sentence. Cold fear washed through his body, bile rising up his stomach and he felt like dying.
“Kyuhyun, tell me. Is that the truth?” Kibum asked, shaking the frozen maknae’s shoulder.
When Kyuhyun didn’t answer, Kibum started to cry. He hit Kyuhyun chest with his fists, “Why!? Why are you doing this to yourself, Kyuhyun-ah!? Why!?” Ryeowook was also crying; Kyuhyun’s ears had caught but he still couldn’t move. Kibum continued to hit him, “Why are you acting like this!? Like-Like-Like a slut! Why!?”
Slut, the word slapped Kyuhyun’s face, harder than Kibum’s hand and Kyuhyun instinctively pushed the older male away, making the actor stumble back into Donghae’s arms. Kyuhyun’s chest tightened.
“That is none of your business!!” he yelled, “You have no right to call me that! I can do whatever I want!!”
“Kyuhyun!” came Sungmin’s sharp voice, obviously surprised at Kyuhyun’s words.
“Shut up! SHUT UP!!” the Super Junior’s maknae went hysteric, “What do you care!? You know nothing about me! You didn’t know how much I was hurt, how long I was hurt because the love that I offered was not accepted by the people I love! You would never understand that!!”
Kibum watched in silence and wide eyes that filled with tears as Kyuhyun kept yelling at them, Donghae tightened the hold on Kibum and Eunhyuk stood speechless besides the duo. Ryeowook was on his knees, crying and Sungmin was biting his lips as his hands balled into fists.
Kyuhyun pressed the ball of his palms to his eyes; his shoulders shook as he hiccupped, “All the love… That I had offered… Were not accepted by the people I love… Even when I tried to forget and offer it to someone else who said they were willing,” he sniffed, “….They still didn’t accept it… Then… What should I do? What can I do?”
Sungmin felt guilt eating his insides. He took a step forward toward the crying and broken maknae, “Kyuhyun…”
Kyuhyun shook his head, moving away further from his hyungs. He kept his hands on his head, his eyes were unfocused; he was confuse. He has no clue on what should he do right now, so he just do what he did best than singing, being an Evil-Maknae and cute maknae when needed.
He ran away.
Author: imaginarybulb
Rating: PG-13 to NC-17
Pairing(s): Kyuhyun/?, Eunhyuk/Kibum/Donghae, Kyuhyun/Sungmin, Kangin/Leeteuk, Hankyung/Heechul, parings may come and go
Summary: It had always been the three of them. Everyone knew that, so does Kyuhyun. Especially Kyuhyun. But still, Kyuhyun succumbed into their world.
Siwon massaged his head and temple before covering his mouth with the same hand that was propped on his knee. He sighed and closed his eyes, trying to calm his messed up mind. His train of thoughts were cut off abruptly when the person on his bed shifted slightly, making him freeze.
After a long minute, Siwon slowly turned towards the sleeping male and he felt like slapping his face yet again when he saw Kyuhyun, sleeping. He had been doing the same thing ever since he had waken up. Thinking hard, turning towards the sleeping maknae, feeling like slapping himself, thinking, turning towards the sleeping maknae, feeling like slapping himself and on and on and on.
The same sentence had been running around his head ever since that night; what have I done?
Last night… Last night he…
Fuck dammit, Choi Siwon!
Siwon groaned into his hands, the thought of raping the maknae hadn’t left his mind. How could he, the hyung, rape their one and only maknae? How could he even dare to do that to their maknae?
How could he become so inhumane?
Siwon fisted his hair with both hands, the images were forming in his head, creating memories. How Kyuhyun looked so debouched under him. How Kyuhyun moaned sounded like. How Kyuhyun begged him to move faster hyung, faster, harder!
How Kyuhyun didn’t stop him.
Why? He silently thought. It had been bothering him. Why didn’t Kyuhyun stop him? Why didn’t Kyuhyun hit, punch, kick or bite him? Why didn’t Kyuhyun scream for help?
Why Kyuhyun let Siwon did that to him?
His mind was fucked up by now. All he wanted to do was helping Kyuhyun to solve his problem with Sungmin. And now, he had slept with Kyuhyun for an unknown reason.
It’s no doubt that he had liked Kyuhyun for quite some time now, but that didn’t give him the permission to take advantage on the maknae. No matter how much he hugged, kissed or touched Kyuhyun, he already drawn a line between him and Super Junior’s maknae. And he had promised to himself that he won’t cross the line no matter what.
And he broke the promise.
This is wrong, he thought but the other part of his mind didn’t agree, but it felt so right last night, don’t you think?
The way his bow-shaped lips turned red and swollen from the kiss.
The way his milky white chest heaving up and down.
The way his eyes glazed with lust.
The way he begged you to go faster.
The way he clenched around your dick.
The way he cum all over yours and his chest-
“Shut up,” Siwon growled, pressing his palm harder to his eyes, blocking all the vivid images. He began to grow harder at the thought of last night, but his erection was killed instantly the moment he felt Kyuhyun shifted around his bed again.
He turned behind him and his heart beats faster when Kyuhyun started opening his eyes slowly. He clamped his mouth shut, afraid of making any noise, afraid of scaring Kyuhyun away. He had to explain this or else-
“….Siwon hyung?” his train of thought was cut off when Kyuhyun’s sleepy chocolate brown orbs met his darker brown ones. He blinked, not answering as he eyed the maknae pushing himself up while rubbing his sleepy eye, not realizing that he was bare-chested.
Siwon cleared his throat awkwardly as he shifted his gaze to the safest spot; the floor. He waited, until he heard the soft gasp elicited by Kyuhyun. He hesitantly looked up and saw Kyuhyun covering his mouth, his eyes filled with shame as he held the blanket to cover his torso.
“….Kyu…” Siwon started softly, not wanting to make the younger one panicked.
“I’m sorry,” came the instant muffled reply. Siwon blinked as Kyuhyun removed the hand from his mouth and sighed heavily, his hands curled into fists, “I’m sorry, Siwon hyung… This… I…” It doesn’t take long for Kyuhyun to break down into sobs, his hands automatically covering his face as if in shame.
“I’m so sorry for being such an idiot…” he heard Kyuhyun sobbed, “This is…. I can’t even… I’m so sorry, hyung… I’m sorry…”
Siwon just stayed silent as Kyuhyun continued to sob out strings of ‘I’m sorry’. He felt so many emotions running around him right now. Sad that the maknae looked so broken. Hurt that Kyuhyun actually didn’t feel what he had felt for the maknae. Confuse at what actually had happened to Kyuhyun. Angry for being such a useless hyung.
Sighing softly, Siwon stood up after he ruffled Kyuhyun’s hair, “I’ll give you some time to be alone. Call me if you need anything.”
--
Ryeowook bit his lips, his eyes unfocused.
His mind was unfocused.
Ryeowook was just back from drinking with his old friends. He was drunk, just a bit because he could still walk back to the dorm without falling flat on his face and inserting the key into the keyhole without missing it.
“I’m home~~” he said cheerily, his words slurred due to the alcohol, okay maybe I’m a little too drunk. He frowned with a pout when he got no reply, “Aish… Everyone asleep already?”
Of course, it’s already 1.43 AM.
Huffing when he couldn’t take off his shoes, Ryeowook sat on the floor, planning to take off his shoes using his hands. He succeeds after two minutes struggling and he felt exhausted after that. He lay on the floor, too lazy to move to his room.
He was about to close his tired eyes when he heard soft noises.
Snapping his eyes open, Ryeowook pushed himself up, his eyes roamed across the dark dorm, trying to see through the darkness. He rubbed his nose, “Anyone there?”
No answer.
But the noises were still there. Soft, too soft that Ryeowook almost misses it. If it’s not because of the quietness of the dorm, he would’ve missed the soft noises.
Grunting, Ryeowook pushed himself up so that he was standing on his feet. He still couldn’t stand straight because of the alcohol, but he forced himself to take a step forward. And another and another, until he’s in the middle of the living room.
“Hello?” he asked softly, still in daze. And yet again, he got no answer. Shrugging, maybe I’m hearing things, he stumbled towards his room, or maybe it was Sungmin or other members but what the heck, he’s drunk and he’s sleepy. He couldn’t care less where he wanted to crash into.
He was slumping on Leeteuk’s (or could be Shindong’s) bedroom door when the same noises spun into his hearings for the third -or maybe fourth - time. He frowned, because this is serious. He kept hearing noises and he couldn’t make out where it came from and what it is.
It could be a burglar or some crazy fans.
Alarmed, Ryeowook tip-toed slowly towards the noises. He had to strain to hear it since the noises were too soft. After a few stumbles and quiet curses, Ryeowook finally gave up when he stumbled and fell on to the floor. He sighed heavily, feeling sleepiness taking toll on him.
“H-Hyung!”
Ryeowook’s ears perked up.
“Ungh! S-Siwon h-hyung! F-Faster…!”
His eyes snapped open, Kyuhyun?
“T-Too tight! Ugh!”
He pushed himself up, Siwon?
It’s a blur after that, because the sleepiness had engulfed Ryeowook, forcing him to the dreamland, with Kyuhyun’s moans and Siwon’s grunts as his lullaby.
Ryeowook jumped when someone patted his shoulder, making the said person to jump as well. He turned towards the person and gave a tensed, “S-Sungmin hyung!”
Sungmin blinked before he smiled, “Hey Wook. What’s up?” he sat beside the eternal maknae, sipping his coffee. He stopped sipping when Ryeowook didn’t reply. He turned his head towards the younger male and frowned when Ryeowook was staring to the floor, his own brows creased as he gnawed his lips.
“Hey…” Sungmin softly said as he patted Ryeowook’s shoulder and his frown deepened when Ryeowook jumped again, “Wookie-ah… What’s wrong?”
Ryeowook blinked, surprised. He didn’t know how to answer Sungmin’s simple yet bothering question. Sure, the older male had heard all of his problems before, but this is not something he could freely tell the pink-lover male.
Because this involves Kyuhyun.
He knew that Sungmin has a soft-spot on Kyuhyun. He loves the maknae more than anyone in the group. It doesn’t take a genius to know that. However, Ryeowook was still pondering if the love is love or something that restricted only to brotherly-love. Sungmin is always there for Kyuhyun and Kyuhyun (though not visible) is always there for Sungmin. But lately the two looked so awkward together, as if they were having a fight or something. It’s rare to even see them sleeping together in their shared bedroom. Sometimes Sungmin was having a late schedule that required him to come home at 3AM in the morning or sometimes it was Kyuhyun or sometimes Kyuhyun would sleep at Leeteuk’s room or sometimes Sungmin would go to the gym. Ryeowook was bothered by the lack of ‘KYUMIN’ interactions, but Hankyung had told him that it could be because of the schedule.
And Ryeowook believed the older male.
“Ryeowook?” Ryeowook snapped out of his reverie for the third time upon hearing Sungmin’s voice. He looked at the older male, “Yeah?”
Sungmin sighed, “I asked you, what’s wrong? You’ve been spacing out.”
The eternal maknae bit his lips, he was torn between telling Sungmin what had happened or kept it as his little secret. But seeing Sungmin’s worried eyes, he just couldn’t lie to the older male.
And he just didn’t have the heart to tell Sungmin what had happened.
Frustrated, Ryeowook ruffled his own hair roughly, surprising the older male. He cradled his head with his hands, eyes clenching tight as his head pounded painfully. It could be the hangover or maybe because the thing that had been running around his mind, Ryeowook wasn’t sure.
Sungmin eyed the eternal maknae worriedly. Ryeowook had been spacing out all morning and he’s not taking his breakfast. He knew Ryeowook went drinking last night with his old colleagues so it could’ve been the hangover, but something in Sungmin said that it was something more than that.
It was something serious.
It was something that involved Kyuhyun.
Dread washed over him. What happened to Kyuhyun? He instinctively gripped Ryeowook’s shoulder, surprising the younger male, “Ryeowook, tell me, is something happened to Kyuhyun?”
Ryeowook’s eyes widened, completely surprised at the question and Sungmin’s heart beats faster. He knew he had hit the jackpot. He placed aside his coffee so that he could grab Ryeowook’s shoulders with both of his hands. He turned the eternal maknae so that they were facing each other, “Wook, tell me!” he asked again, desperation all over his face and voice.
Ryeowook was hesitating, he knew that. From the way he bit his lips to the way he averted his gaze back to the floor, and Sungmin was becoming even more restless. He shook the younger one lightly, urging him to just spill it out.
“Well…” Ryeowook started, still hesitating and Sungmin leaned towards him a bit, his frantic eyes searched for Ryeowook’s nervous orbs.
“It’s…” Ryeowook took a deep breath. “It’s about Kyuhyun.”
--
Kyuhyun sighed as he sat beside on the edge of Siwon’s bed. After Kyuhyun had finished showering, he was met with a neat bed (with its sheets changed) and his clean clothes for him to change into. Siwon was nowhere in sight and Kyuhyun knew the older male was giving him some privacy.
How irony, the maknae thought as he ran his fingers through his slightly damp hair. He snapped his head towards the door when it was being knocked, Siwon’s voice spun into his hearings, “Can I come in?”
“Uhm… Yeah, sure,” Kyuhyun answered, it’s your own room, he added in afterthought.
Siwon opened the door as he hesitantly peered inside and Kyuhyun couldn’t help but to chuckle at the older male’s cute behavior, “It’s okay hyung. Come in.”
Siwon nodded and entered the room, slowly closing the door behind him. He walked towards the maknae and stopped a few feet from him, confusing Kyuhyun.
“Are you okay?” the actor started after a minute of silence. He was nervous about this. Hell, he didn’t even know what to say to Kyuhyun right now.
“Yeah, I’m fine,” came the calm reply, which surprised Siwon.
“You mean… Y-You’re not… Uh… Hurt?” he carefully asked, his Shibrows knitted together.
“Uh….” Kyuhyun rubbed his neck, not knowing how to answer. Of course it hurts, but he just couldn’t tell that to Siwon because he just knew the older male would freak out, so he chose the safest answer, “I’m fine, really.”
It seemed to be the best answer because Siwon sighed in relief and silence fell between them again. Kyuhyun knew Siwon wanted to ask something and he somewhat knew what was it, so he just kept silence and waited for Siwon to speak out.
“Uhmm…” the older male bit his lips as he scratched the back of his head nervously, “Uh… I… Wh-What is going to happen now?” Kyuhyun looked up, “Between us,” Siwon added.
The maknae lowered his head and faced the floor again. He took a deep breath, “I-I’m sorry, hyung. For what I’ve done.” He looked up and met with Siwon’s confused face, “I’m really sorry. It’s just…” He lets out a shuddering breath, “I… I was…” Sad, angry, hurt, “I just…. It just sorta happened-Gosh, I really didn’t know how to explain this,” he said exasperatedly, burying his face into his palms.
Siwon watched the maknae silently and Kyuhyun continued, “I just… Something happened… And I… I’m sorry, hyung…. I just ruined our relationship, I know… And…And I’m sure it’s going to be hard for us to be back to normal… But… I-I… I’m sorry hyung, I really am.” He was rambling and he knew it, but Kyuhyun was loss at words. He couldn’t tell Siwon what really happened because it involves Sungmin and he really didn’t want to drag Siwon into his problem with Sungmin.
“Hey,” Kyuhyun removed his hands from his face, looking up at Siwon.
“You know… Nothing will change between us, no matter what had happened,” the older male said, a soft smile graced his handsome face.
“Hyung…” Kyuhyun started to tear up again, touched by Siwon’s words. He felt ashamed and angry at himself for using his kind hyung for his convenience. He felt a déjà vu, remembering the exact thing he had done to his other kind hyung, Sungmin. And now, he was paying the price for his selfishness, he lost his knight in shining armor, his anchor that kept him from drowning, his pillar that kept him from breaking, his protector. Kyuhyun started to sob; sadness and regrets surged through his body, he just couldn’t think what would’ve happen if he loses another hyung.
Siwon panicked when Kyuhyun cried again, he stepped forward to hold the maknae in his arms, but stopped immediately. He was afraid if Kyuhyun would be traumatized if he was near him. He had read about raped victims; they would avoid any close physical contact with other people.
Except that Kyuhyun was not raped, another part of his mind said. He went to you, so…
Siwon ruffled his own hair in frustration, this is not the time to debate about this. He then walked towards Kyuhyun and kneeled in front of the maknae, still keeping a safe distant between the two of them. Slowly, he raised his hand to pat Kyuhyun’s head, gaining the maknae’s attention. Siwon’s heart churned to see Kyuhyun’s teary, bloodshot eyes and he continued patting Kyuhyun’s head, marveling at the soft hair against his palm.
“It’s okay, Kyuhyun-ah… I understand if you have a problem that you didn’t want to talk about. I perfectly understand that what happened last night… Was unintentional,” he pressed a finger on Kyuhyun’s bow-shaped lips when the maknae tried to interrupt, “But I don’t care. You’re still my favorite dongsaeng, my maknae and I still love you.”
Kyuhyun went still, only soft hiccups were heard. He bit his lips as he cried again and lunged towards Siwon, hugging the older male tightly, surprising the actor.
“Thank you, hyung,” Kyuhyun said, “Thank you so much.”
Siwon smiled and hugged Kyuhyun back, “You’re welcome maknae.”
Nothing will change, maknae-ah. I promise you that.
--
Kyuhyun sighed as he opened his eyes slowly, blinking away the sleepiness. He glanced at the clock hung on the wall, 6.05 PM.
He gets up from the bed abruptly, his eyes widened, “What the-I’ve slept for 8 hours!?” His mouth was hung open in disbelieve. Siwon had already gone for his schedule right after their ‘crying and apologizing session’. The older male had bring him ‘breakfast in bed’ (like Sungmin, he bitterly thought) and let him to sleep in his room for awhile until his schedule, which is on 2 PM.
Oh fuck, Leeteuk hyung and manager hyung are going to fry my ass!!
He jumped off the bed, hastily making the bed. He groaned when the bed went messier than before, he’s not good with making things neat. Scratching his un-itchy head, he gave up with a loud huff, I’ll tell Siwon hyung I’m sorry later.
He then walked towards the door and opened it in fast movement. He was about to go to his room, when someone stopped him.
“Kyuhyun.”
Kyuhyun jumped when he heard his name was called by Eun-wait, Kibum. He turned his head towards the older male and his eyes widened slightly at seeing Kibum, Eunhyuk, Donghae, Sungmin and Ryeowook at the living room, all looking at him.
He frowned for a moment but managed to force out a smile, “Yes, hyung.”
“Can we talk for a moment?” Kibum said and Kyuhyun was bothered at how serious and stern the older male sounded. This is far from the normal cheery Kibum; he did not like this at all.
“I’m sorry hyung, I’m super late for my schedule,” he said, giving excuse. It’s not a lie, so it’s okay, he said to himself.
To his surprise however, Kibum shook his head softly, his hands crossed on his chest, “I called Leeteuk hyung earlier and told him that you’re sick. You’re excused today.”
Kyuhyun bit his lips, feeling panicked already, “Uh… I see… But… I’m not sick.”
“Oh, really?” Kyuhyun raised his brows at the tone; no, he did not like this one bit,. “Then, why are you sleeping in Siwon hyung’s room last night?”
“I was too tired last night so I just went to any room that I spotted, and it happened to be Siwon hyung’s room,” came the immediate reply and Kyuhyun mentally winced at how easy he tells a lie.
“Then, why didn’t you come out from Siwon hyung’s room and why was he bringing you breakfast and your clothes?”
Kyuhyun hesitated at that, “….I was too tired so I just took a bath in the bathroom in Siwon hyung’s room. He brought breakfast for me because I was too tired.”
Kibum stared at him and Kyuhyun squirmed slightly under the stare. Kibum’s eyes were intense and they seemed like they can read through his soul, “Then, why are you so tired, Kyuhyun-ah?”
Kyuhyun snapped his head up, his eyes widened as they connected with Kibum’s intense ones. His head scrambled for a lie, anything, anything that can save him from telling the truth. No, he’s not going to tell the truth. There is no way in hell, he’ll tell the truth.
“…I… I was tired…” he bit his lips, “I was tired because we were practicing really hard yesterday… And uh… I think my body is just too weak…” that was cheap, he bitterly thought. Having to use the weakness he hated, the accident, to cover up his ass.
“Are you sure?” this one came from Sungmin and Kyuhyun’s hands balled into fists. No, he’s not angry with Sungmin, not at all. He was trying to prevent himself from crying at the nonchalant tone Sungmin was using, as if nothing had happened last night, as if he didn’t scream that he hated Sungmin last night. How could he do that, Kyuhyun thought. How Sungmin could still be strong after what he had done? Kyuhyun had avoided him, saying things that hurt his feelings and yet Sungmin could still talk normally. Kyuhyun was hurt but he acted like his world wasn’t crumbling down.
But your love was unrequited by three people and the person that had promised to take care of you turned his back to you, the dark side of his mind mused.
But that was different, he countered back. I’m the one who fell in love, I’m the one who refused to let go, I’m the one acting like a jerk towards the person who loves me. Sungmin hyung did nothing wrong, he was just there, for me and I used him for my convenience.
“Kyuhyun?” he was snapped back to reality when Ryeowook’s soft voice spun to his hearings. He looked up - he just realized he had been staring at the floor - and saw the eternal maknae was fiddling with his fingers nervously; his eyes connected with Kyuhyun and unlike Kibum’s, Ryeowook’s eyes were filled with worry and anxiety.
What’s going on?
“Kyuhyun…. I…. We…” Ryeowook started, stumbling over his words and Kyuhyun frowned. What is going on here? he pondered, eyebrows creased into a frown. Suddenly, realization hits him, don’t tell me…
The three…already knew about my crush-
Instinctively, Kyuhyun started to bolt to his room when he felt the sudden panic attack. He was a few steps to his bedroom door when someone grabbed his wrist and yanked him into a stop. Feeling panicked, Kyuhyun yanked his hand from the grip, his eyes already watering.
“Kyuhyun, stop!” Donghae said, gripping the maknae’s wrist tighter. But Kyuhyun was still resisting; he gripped Donghae’s hand that was gripping his wrist and tried to pry it off, but it was evidence that the older male was stronger than him.
“Kyuhyun, listen to us!” Donghae said again and Kyuhyun couldn’t understand why the older male sounded so desperate like that.
Kyuhyun’s struggle against Donghae’s grip went about a minute or so and this time Donghae got the hold of both of his wrists, preventing him from escaping. He kept shaking his head while biting his lips when Donghae told him to calm down, until Kibum got enough of his antics and without the pair realizing it, the actor was walking towards them.
SLAP!
The whole room went silent. Donghae’s grips loosening, Sungmin’s eyes widened, Ryeowook’s covering his mouth as a small gasp escaped his lips, Eunhyuk was standing up, Kyuhyun stopped trashing and Kibum was still calm.
Even though his hand stung a bit from the slap he had gave Kyuhyun. On his right cheek.
Everything in Kyuhyun’s world just shut down, crumbling into pieces and became dark. Kibum had just slapped him. Hard. On his face. Kibum.
Tears spilling out of his eyes, but he didn’t realize it. His wrists slipped out of Donghae’s grips and rested weakly on his sides. His blank, teary eyes bore the floor, not noticing the regret in Kibum’s eyes.
“K-Kyuhyun-ah…” Kibum started, his hand reaching up to Kyuhyun’s stinging cheek and to his surprise (and everyone including Kyuhyun), the maknae slapped his hand away, his wide eyes met Kibum’s wary orbs and Kibum felt his heart stopped at the hurt and disbelieve look in the younger male’s eyes.
“Kyuhyun--”
“What’s your problem?” Kyuhyun asked, cutting the actor off. The older males were surprised at the harsh tone in Kyuhyun’s wavering voice.
“Why won’t you leave me alone!? Stop bothering me because you know nothing about me!” Kyuhyun pressed his palms to his ears and shut his eyes tightly, wishing that he was taken away from here, away from them, “Just leave me alone!!”
Then suddenly, Kyuhyun felt someone gripping his wrists again to pry his palms off his ears, forcing him to open his eyes and go back to the reality he had started to hate. Kibum was the one this time and he had never seen the older male looking so strained. Eyebrows forming a frown, eyes sad and wary, Kibum kept telling him to listen, just listen to me, Kyu!
“I heard you slept with Siwon hyung last night!” Kibum blurted out and Kyuhyun froze upon hearing the sentence. Cold fear washed through his body, bile rising up his stomach and he felt like dying.
“Kyuhyun, tell me. Is that the truth?” Kibum asked, shaking the frozen maknae’s shoulder.
When Kyuhyun didn’t answer, Kibum started to cry. He hit Kyuhyun chest with his fists, “Why!? Why are you doing this to yourself, Kyuhyun-ah!? Why!?” Ryeowook was also crying; Kyuhyun’s ears had caught but he still couldn’t move. Kibum continued to hit him, “Why are you acting like this!? Like-Like-Like a slut! Why!?”
Slut, the word slapped Kyuhyun’s face, harder than Kibum’s hand and Kyuhyun instinctively pushed the older male away, making the actor stumble back into Donghae’s arms. Kyuhyun’s chest tightened.
“That is none of your business!!” he yelled, “You have no right to call me that! I can do whatever I want!!”
“Kyuhyun!” came Sungmin’s sharp voice, obviously surprised at Kyuhyun’s words.
“Shut up! SHUT UP!!” the Super Junior’s maknae went hysteric, “What do you care!? You know nothing about me! You didn’t know how much I was hurt, how long I was hurt because the love that I offered was not accepted by the people I love! You would never understand that!!”
Kibum watched in silence and wide eyes that filled with tears as Kyuhyun kept yelling at them, Donghae tightened the hold on Kibum and Eunhyuk stood speechless besides the duo. Ryeowook was on his knees, crying and Sungmin was biting his lips as his hands balled into fists.
Kyuhyun pressed the ball of his palms to his eyes; his shoulders shook as he hiccupped, “All the love… That I had offered… Were not accepted by the people I love… Even when I tried to forget and offer it to someone else who said they were willing,” he sniffed, “….They still didn’t accept it… Then… What should I do? What can I do?”
Sungmin felt guilt eating his insides. He took a step forward toward the crying and broken maknae, “Kyuhyun…”
Kyuhyun shook his head, moving away further from his hyungs. He kept his hands on his head, his eyes were unfocused; he was confuse. He has no clue on what should he do right now, so he just do what he did best than singing, being an Evil-Maknae and cute maknae when needed.
He ran away.