LJ Idol Season 9, Week 3, Another Castle
Another Castle
There is a dwelling in my head. Ten personalities live inside my brain. I have Dissociative Identity Disorder, or what used to be known as Multiple Personality Disorder. I built this house in my head at the suggestion of another person who has DID. I also read the book “The Magic Castle,” and the boy in that book had used a castle in his head to help him cope.
This dwelling in my head is useful as everyone has a room where they can be safe. It’s a place where they can go when they are nervous, overwhelmed, scared, or just when they want to rest and not be seen. There is also a living room where we can all gather. The front door serves as an opening so they can look to the outside and be co-conscious with me. Co-consciousness is a big goal and something to work hard at. When a personality is co-conscious with me we both know what the other is doing. They can also influence my actions and decisions without taking over. This is something I strive for every day and it’s exhausting.
You might be wondering what is in this dwelling I have created. Emile, the oldest alter, or personality, has a room that is largely decorated in ethereal white. It has billowing curtains and soft music playing. He likes to use essential oils for calming and protection in his room but the fragrances change on a daily basis.
Steve, the next oldest alter, has a room with black leather furniture and a black comforter on his bed. He has a stereo to blast his rock music. There is a well-stocked liquor cabinet in his room as well.
Sly is the keeper of medical trauma and his room reflects his responsibility. The room contains medicine cabinets and medical equipment. He sleeps on a hospital bed with white sheets and blankets. Sometimes he will even be seen wearing a johnny in my head.
Sally has a yellow room. She loves warm happy colors. I think it is an attempt to push away the abuse she suffered and look forward to the future. Sally has games in her room, stuffed animals, and things from nature like crystals.
Jillian has a pink room full of dolls. She is a girly girl. She also has a punching bag in her room because she gets angry and needs an outlet to release her anger.
Michael and Martha share a room. It is blue for calming and is decorated with Sesame Street characters. Michael has cars and trains to play with and they share Legos and Lincoln logs. Martha has stuffed animals and a few dolls. They are often inseparable. Martha doesn’t like to communicate so Michael does it for her.
Gina has a blood read room for the blood she shed during her abuse. She is troubled and often shuts herself into the canopy bed she uses with the heavy red velvet curtains. She is quiet despite interruptions by me or the other alters.
Jessie has a room full of kittens and puppies. She has just transitioned to a toddler bed and feels like a big girl now.
Baby has the nursery complete with crib with a mobile hanging above it. There is a swing and a rocking chair in case anyone wants to comfort her. The room is done in a mix of pastels because no one knew Baby was going to be a girl before she was born.
I try to hold all of these images in my head. I try to hold in my heart that there is space for each alter. This is all new to me but it works and it helps. Having DID can feel so disorganized and this creation of a dwelling place really does help with that. I just need to get to the point where I can have more meetings with everyone in the living room and more interactions where I merge with alters at the front door.
Thanks for reading. I am happy to answer questions.
There is a dwelling in my head. Ten personalities live inside my brain. I have Dissociative Identity Disorder, or what used to be known as Multiple Personality Disorder. I built this house in my head at the suggestion of another person who has DID. I also read the book “The Magic Castle,” and the boy in that book had used a castle in his head to help him cope.
This dwelling in my head is useful as everyone has a room where they can be safe. It’s a place where they can go when they are nervous, overwhelmed, scared, or just when they want to rest and not be seen. There is also a living room where we can all gather. The front door serves as an opening so they can look to the outside and be co-conscious with me. Co-consciousness is a big goal and something to work hard at. When a personality is co-conscious with me we both know what the other is doing. They can also influence my actions and decisions without taking over. This is something I strive for every day and it’s exhausting.
You might be wondering what is in this dwelling I have created. Emile, the oldest alter, or personality, has a room that is largely decorated in ethereal white. It has billowing curtains and soft music playing. He likes to use essential oils for calming and protection in his room but the fragrances change on a daily basis.
Steve, the next oldest alter, has a room with black leather furniture and a black comforter on his bed. He has a stereo to blast his rock music. There is a well-stocked liquor cabinet in his room as well.
Sly is the keeper of medical trauma and his room reflects his responsibility. The room contains medicine cabinets and medical equipment. He sleeps on a hospital bed with white sheets and blankets. Sometimes he will even be seen wearing a johnny in my head.
Sally has a yellow room. She loves warm happy colors. I think it is an attempt to push away the abuse she suffered and look forward to the future. Sally has games in her room, stuffed animals, and things from nature like crystals.
Jillian has a pink room full of dolls. She is a girly girl. She also has a punching bag in her room because she gets angry and needs an outlet to release her anger.
Michael and Martha share a room. It is blue for calming and is decorated with Sesame Street characters. Michael has cars and trains to play with and they share Legos and Lincoln logs. Martha has stuffed animals and a few dolls. They are often inseparable. Martha doesn’t like to communicate so Michael does it for her.
Gina has a blood read room for the blood she shed during her abuse. She is troubled and often shuts herself into the canopy bed she uses with the heavy red velvet curtains. She is quiet despite interruptions by me or the other alters.
Jessie has a room full of kittens and puppies. She has just transitioned to a toddler bed and feels like a big girl now.
Baby has the nursery complete with crib with a mobile hanging above it. There is a swing and a rocking chair in case anyone wants to comfort her. The room is done in a mix of pastels because no one knew Baby was going to be a girl before she was born.
I try to hold all of these images in my head. I try to hold in my heart that there is space for each alter. This is all new to me but it works and it helps. Having DID can feel so disorganized and this creation of a dwelling place really does help with that. I just need to get to the point where I can have more meetings with everyone in the living room and more interactions where I merge with alters at the front door.
Thanks for reading. I am happy to answer questions.