Unwholesome Thoughts
TITLE: Unwholesome Thoughts
RATING: R for mentions of violence and sexuality. Pretty innocent, though.
PAIRING: Mal/Kaylee
SUMMARY: Mal is disturbed by Kaylee's behavior after Objects in Space.
"Kaylee? You down there?" Mal strode off the bridge, gazing down into the cargo bay where, sure enough, he found River and Kaylee, on their knees, absorbed in a game of jacks.
Kaylee scrambled up far too quickly and took a step back, even though he was still on the catwalk and couldn't exactly touch her from there. "Yes, sir," she said, face anxious. "Sorry, me'n River was just playin'...engine's all shiny, though, room's tidy..."
"Wasn't comin' to scold you," Mal said gently. Kaylee'd been acting...weird with him the last few days. Same with Jayne and Simon too. It had him worried. She was fluttery and anxious whenever they were around, and she'd taken to calling him sir a lot more, which she mostly didn't do. "Just to let you know dinner's ready. You and River come along now."
"Yes, sir," Kaylee said again, but she didn't move, and Mal realized she wasn't going to until he left. Sighing a little, he moved towards the galley. It didn't sit well with him, having his mechanic so off from her normal shiny self. She'd not let him hug her or anything since that hwoon dahn Jubal Early had come on the ship, and Mal, unfortunately, could think of all kinds of reasons that was.
River was a little slower to follow Kaylee, and Mal caught her just outside the galley. "River, you...you been spendin' a lot of time with Kaylee."
River nodded a little. "She wants to make it up to me, so I let her. I am gracious and good."
"Well, that's...real good. Proud of you," Mal said, looking a little confused. "I just need to know...you see things, know things. You know...maybe you know what happened to her, what that man did..."
River shuddered a little. "Kaylee believes lies. About what the world is, how it works. She believes the innocent are protected. He showed her the lies."
Looking into her sad, knowing eyes, Mal couldn't help but wonder who anyone who'd seen River Tam could imagine that the innocent were protected. "He touch her, or just threaten her?"
River shook her head. "No hands on. Tied her hands only. But the words penetrated her mind, just as he threatened to. There were tears."
Mal sighed heavily. That was a relief to hear, though not. "What'd you mean about her making it up to you?"
River tilted her head. "Will you take her secrets now? He wanted to take her flesh, but you'll take the rest? She never told you lies about who she is. Gentle, weak. She wants to be strong for you, but she makes no pretense."
Mal rested a hand on her shoulder. "All right, River. You're a good girl, keepin' those secrets." He gave her a smile, so she'd know he understood.
River looked pleased at that, and they went in to dinner together. Kaylee pulled River down affectionately to sit beside her, ignoring most of the rest of the table. It hurt to see her sunniness worn like a mask, when ordinarily it was the pure shining of her soul.
When the meal was done and Inara had taken Simon's portion to him in the infirmary, Kaylee began clearing plates, but Mal lingered after the rest, laying a hand on her arm, which he quickly withdrew when she flinched away from him. "Need to talk to you, Kaylee."
"'s my turn to do the dishes," she said softly, not pausing in her activity, but moving so they had the table between them.
"All right," he said stubbornly. "We can do it together, then. But after that, we'll be having that talk. That's an order, dong ma?"
Kaylee nodded unhappily, and he didn't say anything else as they cleared the table together and did the dishes. He could practically feel the anxiety rolling off her at the close proximity to him, though, and it made him grit his teeth. He could kill Jubal Early again just for making his little Kaylee afraid of him.
When the dishes were drying, he walked towards the sitting room with the sofa, indicating with a gesture that she should follow. When he sat down, she sat as far as she could on the other side, and he frowned. "Kaylee, this ain't gonna work. I ever give you any reason to be scared of me?"
She shook her head a little. "No, sir."
"Then come here."
Taking a deep breath, Kaylee did as he said, moving to sit closer. He took possession of her hand and held it in his. "You got something you wanna tell me about?"
Kaylee shook her head again, but there were tears coming in her eyes. "No, sir," she whispered.
"You stop that," he ordered gently. "You don't have to call me sir, you know that. I'm your cap'n, ain't I?"
She nodded, smiling wanly, and it reassured him. He slipped an arm around her shoulders, carefully drawing her closer. "Then you just tell the cap'n all about it."
'
Kaylee bit her lip, leaning her head against his shoulder, finally relaxing some. "I let you down again, cap'n. But he...he scared me so much..."
"Now how did you let me down?" he demanded, his tone lightly scolding. "River told me before how brave you were, gettin' the doors unlocked so I could get out."
"River didn't...didn't tell you everything." Kaylee bit her lip, looking up at his face. "I did somethin' real bad."
"What did you do?" he asked softly.
"I told him where River slept. But cap'n, he said he'd..." Her voice was anguished.
So that was it, then, what River hadn't told him. He was proud of her. Girl was learning to act like people. "He said he'd rape you, didn't he?" Mal didn't like even saying that word to the pretty thing in his arms, but they needed to have it out.
Kaylee nodded miserably. "So when he asked where River slept, I...I told him."
He began rocking her just slightly. "Kaylee, I know expect a lot of hard things out of my crew. But not ever more than a person can do. I would never expect you to put yourself in the way of that kind of pain, and neither does River."
Her tears were coming hot and fast now, wetting his shirt, and he didn't mind in the least. "I was so scared," she sobbed.
"Shhh..." He stroked her hair almost frantically. "You just relax now, Kaylee girl. It's over, and there ain't a soul on this boat who'd hurt you." She quieted a little at length, and he continued soothing her. "That's my good girl. You feelin' better now? Not all scared of me?"
"'m sorry about that," she sighed, and penitently squirmed closer, making him take her onto his lap. "Just...felt all wrong in my skin."
He arranged her comfortably, smiling at her and kissing her forehead. "Think half the reason you felt so bad was all that needless guilt you was carryin' around."
She looked a little shy then. "Just...don't like to disappoint you, cap'n."
"Kaylee, you don't, not ever. You're my good girl, you know that? Hell of a mechanic, and a fine person." He spoke firmly. It was more than he'd ever probably say to any other member of that crew.
She smiled at that, then frowned. "I just...made me think about things all different. I never...never did before. Just grappled with whatever good-lookin' man came along and seemed willin'."
"Ain't nothin' wrong with that," he said, blushing a little.
"But then I started thinkin' about things, about...about men hurting me. You, or Jayne, or Simon...'magined your faces changing, pinning me down..." She was starting to tremble a little again.
"Shh..." He kissed her temple again, willing those unwholesome thoughts out of her pretty head. "Ain't somethin' for you to worry about, not ever. Ain't a man on this boat wouldn't lay down his life to keep you safe, even Jayne." Mostly because he'd shoot Jayne if he didn't, but it all worked out the same.
"It...it felt bad, though, cause I'd thought about it before. 'bout all of you." Kaylee blushed a little, hiding her face against his neck.
Mal smiled wryly at that, though he felt something jump inside of him. "No harm in thinkin', Kaylee girl. Small boat like this, think we've all committed some sins of the mind."
She nodded. "I know. But it felt like that was what made it bad. Me bein' naughty and thinkin' those things."
"You think about whatever you want," he urged her. "Nothin' wrong with that. You're a good girl," he repeated.
She lifted her head and gave him a kind of shy grin. "That mean you'll take off your shirt next time we play hoopball?"
Mal found himself blushing. "Might do, young lady, but you just keep your thoughts to yourself."
"I do try," she said, smiling faintly, then kissed his cheek. "Sometimes you make it hard, though."
He didn't think it was a good idea just then to be confessing that she sometimes made it hard too, particularly given the double entendre that would lead to. "You behave yourself," he scolded, but he was smiling at her.
"I try," she said, then let her head rest quietly against his shoulder. He couldn't help wondering, in that moment, if she was having any of those unwholesome thoughts, but maybe it didn't matter. He had his mechanic back again, and that was what mattered.
It was a good day.
RATING: R for mentions of violence and sexuality. Pretty innocent, though.
PAIRING: Mal/Kaylee
SUMMARY: Mal is disturbed by Kaylee's behavior after Objects in Space.
"Kaylee? You down there?" Mal strode off the bridge, gazing down into the cargo bay where, sure enough, he found River and Kaylee, on their knees, absorbed in a game of jacks.
Kaylee scrambled up far too quickly and took a step back, even though he was still on the catwalk and couldn't exactly touch her from there. "Yes, sir," she said, face anxious. "Sorry, me'n River was just playin'...engine's all shiny, though, room's tidy..."
"Wasn't comin' to scold you," Mal said gently. Kaylee'd been acting...weird with him the last few days. Same with Jayne and Simon too. It had him worried. She was fluttery and anxious whenever they were around, and she'd taken to calling him sir a lot more, which she mostly didn't do. "Just to let you know dinner's ready. You and River come along now."
"Yes, sir," Kaylee said again, but she didn't move, and Mal realized she wasn't going to until he left. Sighing a little, he moved towards the galley. It didn't sit well with him, having his mechanic so off from her normal shiny self. She'd not let him hug her or anything since that hwoon dahn Jubal Early had come on the ship, and Mal, unfortunately, could think of all kinds of reasons that was.
River was a little slower to follow Kaylee, and Mal caught her just outside the galley. "River, you...you been spendin' a lot of time with Kaylee."
River nodded a little. "She wants to make it up to me, so I let her. I am gracious and good."
"Well, that's...real good. Proud of you," Mal said, looking a little confused. "I just need to know...you see things, know things. You know...maybe you know what happened to her, what that man did..."
River shuddered a little. "Kaylee believes lies. About what the world is, how it works. She believes the innocent are protected. He showed her the lies."
Looking into her sad, knowing eyes, Mal couldn't help but wonder who anyone who'd seen River Tam could imagine that the innocent were protected. "He touch her, or just threaten her?"
River shook her head. "No hands on. Tied her hands only. But the words penetrated her mind, just as he threatened to. There were tears."
Mal sighed heavily. That was a relief to hear, though not. "What'd you mean about her making it up to you?"
River tilted her head. "Will you take her secrets now? He wanted to take her flesh, but you'll take the rest? She never told you lies about who she is. Gentle, weak. She wants to be strong for you, but she makes no pretense."
Mal rested a hand on her shoulder. "All right, River. You're a good girl, keepin' those secrets." He gave her a smile, so she'd know he understood.
River looked pleased at that, and they went in to dinner together. Kaylee pulled River down affectionately to sit beside her, ignoring most of the rest of the table. It hurt to see her sunniness worn like a mask, when ordinarily it was the pure shining of her soul.
When the meal was done and Inara had taken Simon's portion to him in the infirmary, Kaylee began clearing plates, but Mal lingered after the rest, laying a hand on her arm, which he quickly withdrew when she flinched away from him. "Need to talk to you, Kaylee."
"'s my turn to do the dishes," she said softly, not pausing in her activity, but moving so they had the table between them.
"All right," he said stubbornly. "We can do it together, then. But after that, we'll be having that talk. That's an order, dong ma?"
Kaylee nodded unhappily, and he didn't say anything else as they cleared the table together and did the dishes. He could practically feel the anxiety rolling off her at the close proximity to him, though, and it made him grit his teeth. He could kill Jubal Early again just for making his little Kaylee afraid of him.
When the dishes were drying, he walked towards the sitting room with the sofa, indicating with a gesture that she should follow. When he sat down, she sat as far as she could on the other side, and he frowned. "Kaylee, this ain't gonna work. I ever give you any reason to be scared of me?"
She shook her head a little. "No, sir."
"Then come here."
Taking a deep breath, Kaylee did as he said, moving to sit closer. He took possession of her hand and held it in his. "You got something you wanna tell me about?"
Kaylee shook her head again, but there were tears coming in her eyes. "No, sir," she whispered.
"You stop that," he ordered gently. "You don't have to call me sir, you know that. I'm your cap'n, ain't I?"
She nodded, smiling wanly, and it reassured him. He slipped an arm around her shoulders, carefully drawing her closer. "Then you just tell the cap'n all about it."
'
Kaylee bit her lip, leaning her head against his shoulder, finally relaxing some. "I let you down again, cap'n. But he...he scared me so much..."
"Now how did you let me down?" he demanded, his tone lightly scolding. "River told me before how brave you were, gettin' the doors unlocked so I could get out."
"River didn't...didn't tell you everything." Kaylee bit her lip, looking up at his face. "I did somethin' real bad."
"What did you do?" he asked softly.
"I told him where River slept. But cap'n, he said he'd..." Her voice was anguished.
So that was it, then, what River hadn't told him. He was proud of her. Girl was learning to act like people. "He said he'd rape you, didn't he?" Mal didn't like even saying that word to the pretty thing in his arms, but they needed to have it out.
Kaylee nodded miserably. "So when he asked where River slept, I...I told him."
He began rocking her just slightly. "Kaylee, I know expect a lot of hard things out of my crew. But not ever more than a person can do. I would never expect you to put yourself in the way of that kind of pain, and neither does River."
Her tears were coming hot and fast now, wetting his shirt, and he didn't mind in the least. "I was so scared," she sobbed.
"Shhh..." He stroked her hair almost frantically. "You just relax now, Kaylee girl. It's over, and there ain't a soul on this boat who'd hurt you." She quieted a little at length, and he continued soothing her. "That's my good girl. You feelin' better now? Not all scared of me?"
"'m sorry about that," she sighed, and penitently squirmed closer, making him take her onto his lap. "Just...felt all wrong in my skin."
He arranged her comfortably, smiling at her and kissing her forehead. "Think half the reason you felt so bad was all that needless guilt you was carryin' around."
She looked a little shy then. "Just...don't like to disappoint you, cap'n."
"Kaylee, you don't, not ever. You're my good girl, you know that? Hell of a mechanic, and a fine person." He spoke firmly. It was more than he'd ever probably say to any other member of that crew.
She smiled at that, then frowned. "I just...made me think about things all different. I never...never did before. Just grappled with whatever good-lookin' man came along and seemed willin'."
"Ain't nothin' wrong with that," he said, blushing a little.
"But then I started thinkin' about things, about...about men hurting me. You, or Jayne, or Simon...'magined your faces changing, pinning me down..." She was starting to tremble a little again.
"Shh..." He kissed her temple again, willing those unwholesome thoughts out of her pretty head. "Ain't somethin' for you to worry about, not ever. Ain't a man on this boat wouldn't lay down his life to keep you safe, even Jayne." Mostly because he'd shoot Jayne if he didn't, but it all worked out the same.
"It...it felt bad, though, cause I'd thought about it before. 'bout all of you." Kaylee blushed a little, hiding her face against his neck.
Mal smiled wryly at that, though he felt something jump inside of him. "No harm in thinkin', Kaylee girl. Small boat like this, think we've all committed some sins of the mind."
She nodded. "I know. But it felt like that was what made it bad. Me bein' naughty and thinkin' those things."
"You think about whatever you want," he urged her. "Nothin' wrong with that. You're a good girl," he repeated.
She lifted her head and gave him a kind of shy grin. "That mean you'll take off your shirt next time we play hoopball?"
Mal found himself blushing. "Might do, young lady, but you just keep your thoughts to yourself."
"I do try," she said, smiling faintly, then kissed his cheek. "Sometimes you make it hard, though."
He didn't think it was a good idea just then to be confessing that she sometimes made it hard too, particularly given the double entendre that would lead to. "You behave yourself," he scolded, but he was smiling at her.
"I try," she said, then let her head rest quietly against his shoulder. He couldn't help wondering, in that moment, if she was having any of those unwholesome thoughts, but maybe it didn't matter. He had his mechanic back again, and that was what mattered.
It was a good day.