Glee - 100% Sure - Finn/Rachel
Title: 100% Sure
Author: ilerya82
'Verse: Glee
Claim/Pairing: Finn Hudson & Rachel Berry
Media: fanfic
Word Count: 3,925
Rating: T, there's a couple of dirty words in here, but it's not too bad.
Warnings: If you have not seen 3x22 Goodbye please do not read this fic!!! Ok, now that I'm off my high horse, I just don't want to spoil the finale for anyone who has not seen it because they are living under a rock. This is not one of my normal fandoms to write for, so I apologize in advance for any OOC moments. This idea just ate at me since the finale.
Disclaimer: I do not own Glee nor has any money changed hands for the production of this fic. It was purely to satisfy my muse and the little plot bunnies that have taken over my brain.
Summary: A lot of things can change in six months. Hearts can break, mend and learn to love some one new - or old...
Table/Prompt/Listing... for _____ Community: grandparents from my bingo card for love_bingo... It's a really vague reference made by Quinn at the end, I know, but Grandparents is a REALLY hard prompt!
100% Sure
Six months had passed since he’d put her on that train. Six months since she had unashamedly cried her heart out as she watched him from her window seat. Six months of wondering why he would toss her aside. Six months without contact, just because she didn’t feel she was strong enough to make that contact. She had gotten on that train and not been able to unravel herself from the pain and heartbreak of losing him for six months. She still wasn’t over it, but that was because Rachel Barbara Berry doesn’t give up easily and she refused to give up on her future with Finn.
From the moment she’d met up with her dads after stepping off that train, Rachel had adopted New York as her home. They’d spent the week wandering around the city, taking in all the sights, smells and sounds. They’d eating in fine restaurants, seen numerous Broadway shows and off Broadway plays, but though she was enjoying herself outwardly, Rachel had felt like she was dying inside. She put on a brave face during the day but when the night would fall and the stars were out, the sounds of Faithfully played softly through her ear buds from the iPod and she would let the tears stream down her face. She wasn’t ready to do this alone, not without her Finn.
The first week had passed and one thing that Rachel had learned was that she didn’t want to return to Lima. She couldn’t. She didn’t want to think about Lima and the heartache that awaited her there without Finn until school started.
“Really, Daddy,” she’d pleaded, “I don’t want to leave! Could we find me a little apartment? It could be the size of a shoebox, I don’t care. I could share it with Kurt - he’s coming to go to school nearby. I could find a job, break free… I don’t want to go back to Lima just yet, it’s too soon.”
Too hard.
The words were unspoken but they hung in the air. They knew it would have been too hard for her to see Finn. They’d steeled themselves for this reaction the moment he had come to them and explained that he needed to set her free. It’s not that they’d complained about the idea of their marriage. Anything that Rachel wanted, they wanted Rachel to have, but they really had never approved. They had wanted her to wait, see the world, make a name for herself, not settle for some two bit hack mechanic jock with no future and living in suburbia for the rest of her life. Her middle name was Barbara for a reason.
Rachel didn’t need to second guess their responses. She knew they wanted her as far away from Finn as they could get her, and she silently thanked her father’s for that. They wanted her to live her dream, and though at this moment she was still all kinds of mad at Finn for pushing her away, she was thankful that he did too. After her father’s had consented, they set about on a goal of finding an appropriate apartment for her, with room for Kurt in the hopes that he would like the idea of rooming with their little girl. She knew they didn’t want her to be alone and she thought for sure that if she at least had Kurt, she wouldn’t feel so alone. She also would feel a little closer to Finn having his brother around.
She had sent a frantic CALL MEEEEE!!!! text to Kurt and it seemed that no sooner had the little envelope on her phone sailed away with her message than the phone started ringing in her hands.
“Hell-“
“Rachel Barbara Berry! Why have I not heard all the juicy details on your future new digs! You need to update me ASAP honey, I’m dying to hear about your visit to NYADA!” Kurt had summarily cut her off and Rachel couldn’t suppress the giggle that bubbled up from her stomach. She still missed Finn, but it was nice to talk to her friend again.
“Kurt, I have some really exciting news… And it affects you! You’re still planning on going to that fashion school here, right?”
“Yes baby girl, you know that. I decided that I would just do it and then audition for NYADA again next year while working out there. Why?” She could hear that his curiosity was piqued. Rachel was suddenly overjoyed at the thought of sharing an apartment with Kurt. Although, two divas sharing a bathroom… She made a mental note to bring that up with her dads.
“How would you like to share an apartment with me?”
The question hung in the air for a moment. Rachel bit her bottom lip, not expecting it to take serious thinking power for her friend. Maybe the disintegration of her relationship with his brother was affecting his decision. She was just a friend, but Finn would always be a brother.
“If you don’t feel that you can because of -“ Kurt cut her off again.
“I would love to!”
It had all been settled rather easily. Kurt would be arriving on the train the next day to help Rachel and her dads’ apartment hunt. There would be two bathrooms and there would be two bedrooms, they would receive a modicum of support from both the Berry’s and from the Hummel’s but they would be responsible for their anything above and beyond their rent. There had been rules and stipulations about the apartment imposed on them. Well, really, only one rule had been place upon them.
The rent would be paid by the parents until such time as they were not in school. The first of the month following the end of said child’s enrollment in an institution of higher learning would be when they would commence being responsible for their half of the rent should they decide they want to continue living in the apartment. This, the parents had considered good incentive to keep Kurt and Rachel in school. Though neither of them really needed the incentive, both being as hungry as they were to make their Broadway dreams a reality.
The selection had been rather simple. Both sets of parents agreed on the location, rent and furnishings purchased. Both sets of parents wept a little as the U-Haul truck they had loaded with their things had departed Lima for the bright lights of New York City. When Kurt had returned to pack his things, Rachel had not come with him. Their lease was to start immediately, so she had remained behind in New York searching for a job while she had sent explicit instructions to him and to her fathers that Kurt was to pack her things. She had quietly added to Kurt that there was a lot of stuff in her room that was sentimental of her time with Finn. She had given him instructions to pack that box himself and to make sure that when it arrived here safely, Kurt would store it for her.
“It’s not that I’ve given up on us,” she said softly to Kurt as they were saying goodbye at the train station, “I just don’t think that I can handle seeing so much of what was surrounding me. If he wants me out of his life, then so be it. If it was meant to be, the Universe will see to it that we come together again.”
“I know, baby girl,” Kurt said as he hugged her, vowing to see her again in a few days with a moving truck full of their things. He’d vowed to keep her mementos safe from the destructive grasp of her fathers, and safely tucked away until she was ready to see them again.
September…
Time passed. Both she and Kurt had found jobs to help pay for the essentials. School started and Rachel threw herself into her classes. NYADA was her every dream come true!
But every night before she would go to bed, after dinner time and laughter with Kurt, after Skype chats with her dads and even some emails and texting with Quinn, Rachel would turn down the lights and pop the ear buds in. Her iPod seemed to be set perpetually to play Faithfully and the sounds would soothe her to sleep as she cried, careful to be as quiet as she could. She put on a brave face during the day, but at night she fell apart.
Oh Finn, where are you now and why did you have to go?
October…
Time was flying! Before she knew it, it was Reading Week and time for the students to head home for a week long break. Rachel had been adamant when Kurt had attempted to get her to come back to Lima that she couldn’t. She had shifts to cover at Macy’s and there was a new Off-Off-Broadway play that she was going to head to the open casting call for. She knew Kurt could see through the excuses. He continued to try to persuade her until the moment he walked out the door and headed for the train station.
“He still loves you, you know…”
The words had hung in the air as the door shut behind him. Kurt had been a real friend. He’d stayed out of their breakup, never once mentioning Finn though she could see on his face that he’d wanted to share the news from home. He just had wanted to protect his friend’s fragile heart more.
Rachel pulled her engagement ring from her right hand pocket. It was funny; she had only just stopped wearing it. Her hand had felt naked for the first few days. From the moment he had given it to her, it had never left her hand and so now, it was the weirdest feeling not to have it there. She stared at it, inspecting it in the hazy light of the dying day. In the time that had passed, Rachel had learned that she had needed the push. It still hurt that he had done it, but she had needed it. She had needed the break to realize she was 100% sure.
She slipped the ring back on her left hand and continued watching Chicago on the TV, singing along when the mood struck.
November…
Since Reading Week, Kurt had been more and more down trodden that Blaine wasn’t with him. Their Skype conversations and texting sessions would generally leave him in a melancholy state affirming that he loved that man and couldn’t wait for Mr Schue’s upcoming nuptials that weekend. Rachel herself was aflutter with excitement to return to Lima, something that she hadn’t felt in a long while. The night before they were to leave, Rachel sat beside Kurt on the sofa and felt that now was the time to ask some very serious questions.
“Kurt?” she softly begged his attentions. As usual, he and Blaine were texting back and forth and his face was a mixture of happiness and sorrow. Rachel placed a hand on his forearm and waited for his attention.
“Hmm?” he looked up at her expectantly.
“I wanted to ask you a few questions, if you don’t mind answering them for me…” she paused and gathered strength. Kurt’s phone beeped again with a message waiting for him. “I think I’m finally ready to hear all what you may be able to tell me.”
Kurt glanced down at the message. She saw him tap furiously on the keypad and lean forward to place the phone on the table. He turned to her and took her hands in his.
“Whatever I can tell you, I will. What would you like to know?”
“Tell me about Finn. Tell me whatever you can, whatever you know that lead up to me being here… In New York… Without him.”
She saw him suck in a hard breath. Rachel knew this would be tough on him too, but she needed to hear it before they headed back to Lima. She needed to know what she was facing.
“The night before you left, I found Finn in the backyard singing REO Speedwagon and kind of rocking himself. It was really weird to see him like that, I’ve never really seen him break, I mean I’ve seen him on the edge before but he looked broken…
“I can't fight this feeling any longer
And yet I'm still afraid to let it flow
What started out as friendship
Has grown stronger
I only wish I had the strength to let it show
I tell myself that I can't hold out forever
I said there is no reason for my fear
'Cause I feel so secure when we're together
You give my life direction
You make everything so clear”
Kurt could see him curled almost in a ball out in a dark corner of the yard. Carole had sent him to find her son, she was getting worried about Finn and truth be told, he was worried about his brother too. Since his rejection from Pace, Finn had seemed a little off, a little rattled.
Graduation had come and gone. Tomorrow, his family and friends would gather to wish Rachel and Finn the best of luck on their life’s journey in the courthouse at City Hall. Then the newly minted Mr. and Mrs. would be leaving for Niagara Falls to enjoy a little time together before the big move to New York and NYADA. He wasn’t totally jealous - he was going too. Just not to NYADA. New York was calling his name. He could try for NYADA again, he’d already decided.
As he drew closer, he could hear the tears shaking Finn’s voice and watched his body rocking as he sang.
“And even as I wander
I'm keeping you in sight
You're a candle in the window
On a cold, dark winter's night
And I'm getting closer than I ever thought I might
And I can't fight this feeling anymore
I've forgotten what I started fighting for
It's time to bring this ship into the shore
And throw away the oars, forever”
The pain was clear and crisp in his voice. Kurt could almost taste it. He didn’t dare approach. Sometimes you just need to cry these things out.
“'Cause I can't fight this feeling anymore
I've forgotten what I started fighting for
And if I have to crawl upon the floor
Come crashing through your door
Baby, I can't fight this feeling anymore
My life has been such a whirlwind since I saw you
I've been running round in circles in my mind
And it always seems that I'm following you, girl
'Cause you take me to the places
That alone I'd never find”
This was about Rachel; it just had to be, the lyrics screamed her name. What on Earth could have happened to make him break down like this? Kurt was her best friend, he would have heard from her if the wedding was off, wouldn’t he?
“And even as I wander
I'm keeping you in sight
You're a candle in the wind
On a cold, dark winter's night
And I'm getting closer than I ever thought I might
And I can't fight this feeling anymore
I've forgotten what I started fighting for
It's time to bring this ship into the shore
And throw away the oars, forever”
Finn got to his feet and turned his face to the sky, as though he was screaming the words to the stars. Hell, maybe he was. Kurt was seriously concerned now.
“'Cause I can't fight this feeling anymore
I've forgotten what I started fighting for
And if I have to crawl upon the floor
Come crashing through your door
Baby, I can't fight this feeling anymore”
The final words croaked from his voice as he dropped his head into his hands and let the tears flow freely. Kurt decided now was the time to chance an approach. He came up behind him and placed a hand on Finn’s shoulder. Startled, Finn sniffled and began wiping his face with his hands.
“Geez, don’t sneak up on me like that! You scared me to death! Almost gave me a heart attack!” Finn shouted halfheartedly
“Are - Is everything OK Finn? That was some pretty soulful stuff there…”
“I’m OK,” he said softly, “No, no, I’m not OK. I don’t know what I am anymore and that’s what I’m afraid of.” Finn walked towards the fence and leaned his arms against it whether to hold himself up or to brace himself with, Kurt was unsure.
“Kurt, I love her with all my heart, but all I’m doing is dragging her down. Her father’s helped me see that tonight. I have to set her free - allow her to fly and be the star that she’s destined to be. If she really was mine, if the Universe really does have our names written in the stars, then we’ll survive this right?”
“What are you saying?”
“We’re not getting married tomorrow,” he turned and the brothers were face to face, “Make sure everyone is at the train station by four. Rachel’s going to New York, to NYADA.” He stalked off towards the house leaving Kurt standing with his jaw hanging. Shocked, stunned and unable to believe what he was hearing, Kurt turned to follow.
********
The train began to pick up speed. Finn followed, running beside it, chasing his hopes and dreams, his heart as it sped from his life. Her hand was on the window reaching out for him. It was breaking him. He followed the train until the edge of the platform and he could run no more. He watched as it went, stood there until it was out of sight.
When he collapsed it was Puck, Blaine and Kurt who helped the fool to his feet. He sobbed without shame at the loss of the light of his life.
“Every time I’ve talked to him, every time I’ve been home… He asks about you. He wants to call, to talk to you but I know he doesn’t because he needs you to be OK. He needs you to be strong and to chase your dreams. He can’t be what holds you back, he doesn’t want to be just that guy riding your coattails, Rach.”
The tears were streaming down her face. Stupid, foolish love!
“You OK, hon? You sure you really needed to hear that?” Rachel nodded her head to him, smiling through tears.
Kurt continued to tell her of the days that had passed before her text message. About the broken Finn at Quinn’s graduation party. About Quinn trying to beat some sense into his thick skull for letting her go without him and for even contemplating joining the army. His words were interspersed with laughter and tears, from both of them, but in the end Rachel did feel better.
She finally had what she needed. She twisted the ring on her left hand, it was right where it should be and so was she, but something was missing and she needed to rectify that. As soon as humanly possible.
********
Will and Emma’s wedding had been planned for the weekend before Thanksgiving since most of the New Directions Alums would be returning to see their families for break and it would be easiest for their college schedules. They had promised them that they would be there to sing. The new New Directions and the old, together as one, singing for the happiness of two of the greatest influences in their lives.
It was a beautiful day. The air was crisp and refreshing as some of the alums raucously exited the hall to cool off. Rachel laughed and rejoiced at being with her Glee Club friends again. They had all been through so much together, they were like a family. Kurt and Blaine were laughing and dancing together in the middle of the parking lot. Puck had scooped Quinn up into his arms and was twirling her around, her head thrown back laughing like a school girl. Santana, Brittany, Tina, Mercedes, Artie… She looked around and expected to see him, but he wasn’t there.
“Oh, Rachel it is soooo good to see you again!” Tina gushed, surprising the tiny vocal dynamo. Rachel placed a hand on her arm, smiled and pushed off towards Quinn. If anyone knew where Finn was hiding, it would be Quinn and Puck.
Puck was signing in her ear as he continued to twirl her round and round. Rachel laughed and was almost dizzy trying to focus on her friend’s face. It was hard for her to believe that despite everything that they had been through; Quinn had become one of her best friends. She knew both her heart and Finn’s, and for that Rachel was grateful.
“Quinn,” she was unusually meek, not really wanting to break up the happy couple, but aching for that kind of happiness for herself. They were both giggling and dizzy as they came to a stop and Puck reluctantly placed Quinn back on the ground. They both wobbled a little and Puck tried to steady her with his arms.
“I think,” Quinn said through giggles, “The one you’re looking for is over there.” She raised her arm, pointing towards the gardens.
She could just make out Finn’s silhouette in the distance; his back was to her staring outwards. She couldn’t help but wonder if he was thinking about this wedding as a bittersweet moment, just as she was.
What’s he thinking? Is he thinking of me?
Her body moved by sheer force of gravity. He drew her to him, a force to be reckoned with. Now was the time. It hadn’t been a year, but it was time that they put this relationship right.
She sidled up beside him, as if floating on air and slipped her hand into his, letting their fingers lace and intertwine. Rachel’s eyes fell on their hands, as did Finn’s, before they each drifted their gazes to the others eyes. Rachel was the first to smile as the tears she had been holding back began to pool in her eyes. Finn smiled; turning his body he brought his free hand up to stroke her cheek with his thumb and brushes away that one errant tear.
“Hey.”
“Hey,” his voice was rough, as though he hadn’t spoken in a millennia. Rachel had so much that she wanted to say in this moment, so much that she wanted to tell him. She wanted to pour out her soul, to scream, to cry, to fight, to kiss, to hug, to hold… To melt. She wanted to melt in his arms. “I’ve missed you so - sooo much.”
It was only a whisper, but to Rachel it was like a scream, an arrow through her heart as Finn spoke. She launched herself into his arms, unable to hold back any longer. Tears flowed freely from them both.
“I’m 100% sure,” she whispered in his ear and he laughed, spinning her around rather like Puck had done to Quinn.
********
From the parking lot, two friends stood arm in arm watching the reunion.
“It’s about damned time!” Quinn said as she punched Kurt in the arm playfully.
“You said it! I was getting so sick of being in the middle of their moping!” came his quick retort.
“Well, let’s just remind them of how foolish they were when they’re surrounded by children and grandchildren on their golden wedding anniversary.”
Author: ilerya82
'Verse: Glee
Claim/Pairing: Finn Hudson & Rachel Berry
Media: fanfic
Word Count: 3,925
Rating: T, there's a couple of dirty words in here, but it's not too bad.
Warnings: If you have not seen 3x22 Goodbye please do not read this fic!!! Ok, now that I'm off my high horse, I just don't want to spoil the finale for anyone who has not seen it because they are living under a rock. This is not one of my normal fandoms to write for, so I apologize in advance for any OOC moments. This idea just ate at me since the finale.
Disclaimer: I do not own Glee nor has any money changed hands for the production of this fic. It was purely to satisfy my muse and the little plot bunnies that have taken over my brain.
Summary: A lot of things can change in six months. Hearts can break, mend and learn to love some one new - or old...
Table/Prompt/Listing... for _____ Community: grandparents from my bingo card for love_bingo... It's a really vague reference made by Quinn at the end, I know, but Grandparents is a REALLY hard prompt!
100% Sure
Six months had passed since he’d put her on that train. Six months since she had unashamedly cried her heart out as she watched him from her window seat. Six months of wondering why he would toss her aside. Six months without contact, just because she didn’t feel she was strong enough to make that contact. She had gotten on that train and not been able to unravel herself from the pain and heartbreak of losing him for six months. She still wasn’t over it, but that was because Rachel Barbara Berry doesn’t give up easily and she refused to give up on her future with Finn.
From the moment she’d met up with her dads after stepping off that train, Rachel had adopted New York as her home. They’d spent the week wandering around the city, taking in all the sights, smells and sounds. They’d eating in fine restaurants, seen numerous Broadway shows and off Broadway plays, but though she was enjoying herself outwardly, Rachel had felt like she was dying inside. She put on a brave face during the day but when the night would fall and the stars were out, the sounds of Faithfully played softly through her ear buds from the iPod and she would let the tears stream down her face. She wasn’t ready to do this alone, not without her Finn.
The first week had passed and one thing that Rachel had learned was that she didn’t want to return to Lima. She couldn’t. She didn’t want to think about Lima and the heartache that awaited her there without Finn until school started.
“Really, Daddy,” she’d pleaded, “I don’t want to leave! Could we find me a little apartment? It could be the size of a shoebox, I don’t care. I could share it with Kurt - he’s coming to go to school nearby. I could find a job, break free… I don’t want to go back to Lima just yet, it’s too soon.”
Too hard.
The words were unspoken but they hung in the air. They knew it would have been too hard for her to see Finn. They’d steeled themselves for this reaction the moment he had come to them and explained that he needed to set her free. It’s not that they’d complained about the idea of their marriage. Anything that Rachel wanted, they wanted Rachel to have, but they really had never approved. They had wanted her to wait, see the world, make a name for herself, not settle for some two bit hack mechanic jock with no future and living in suburbia for the rest of her life. Her middle name was Barbara for a reason.
Rachel didn’t need to second guess their responses. She knew they wanted her as far away from Finn as they could get her, and she silently thanked her father’s for that. They wanted her to live her dream, and though at this moment she was still all kinds of mad at Finn for pushing her away, she was thankful that he did too. After her father’s had consented, they set about on a goal of finding an appropriate apartment for her, with room for Kurt in the hopes that he would like the idea of rooming with their little girl. She knew they didn’t want her to be alone and she thought for sure that if she at least had Kurt, she wouldn’t feel so alone. She also would feel a little closer to Finn having his brother around.
She had sent a frantic CALL MEEEEE!!!! text to Kurt and it seemed that no sooner had the little envelope on her phone sailed away with her message than the phone started ringing in her hands.
“Hell-“
“Rachel Barbara Berry! Why have I not heard all the juicy details on your future new digs! You need to update me ASAP honey, I’m dying to hear about your visit to NYADA!” Kurt had summarily cut her off and Rachel couldn’t suppress the giggle that bubbled up from her stomach. She still missed Finn, but it was nice to talk to her friend again.
“Kurt, I have some really exciting news… And it affects you! You’re still planning on going to that fashion school here, right?”
“Yes baby girl, you know that. I decided that I would just do it and then audition for NYADA again next year while working out there. Why?” She could hear that his curiosity was piqued. Rachel was suddenly overjoyed at the thought of sharing an apartment with Kurt. Although, two divas sharing a bathroom… She made a mental note to bring that up with her dads.
“How would you like to share an apartment with me?”
The question hung in the air for a moment. Rachel bit her bottom lip, not expecting it to take serious thinking power for her friend. Maybe the disintegration of her relationship with his brother was affecting his decision. She was just a friend, but Finn would always be a brother.
“If you don’t feel that you can because of -“ Kurt cut her off again.
“I would love to!”
It had all been settled rather easily. Kurt would be arriving on the train the next day to help Rachel and her dads’ apartment hunt. There would be two bathrooms and there would be two bedrooms, they would receive a modicum of support from both the Berry’s and from the Hummel’s but they would be responsible for their anything above and beyond their rent. There had been rules and stipulations about the apartment imposed on them. Well, really, only one rule had been place upon them.
The rent would be paid by the parents until such time as they were not in school. The first of the month following the end of said child’s enrollment in an institution of higher learning would be when they would commence being responsible for their half of the rent should they decide they want to continue living in the apartment. This, the parents had considered good incentive to keep Kurt and Rachel in school. Though neither of them really needed the incentive, both being as hungry as they were to make their Broadway dreams a reality.
The selection had been rather simple. Both sets of parents agreed on the location, rent and furnishings purchased. Both sets of parents wept a little as the U-Haul truck they had loaded with their things had departed Lima for the bright lights of New York City. When Kurt had returned to pack his things, Rachel had not come with him. Their lease was to start immediately, so she had remained behind in New York searching for a job while she had sent explicit instructions to him and to her fathers that Kurt was to pack her things. She had quietly added to Kurt that there was a lot of stuff in her room that was sentimental of her time with Finn. She had given him instructions to pack that box himself and to make sure that when it arrived here safely, Kurt would store it for her.
“It’s not that I’ve given up on us,” she said softly to Kurt as they were saying goodbye at the train station, “I just don’t think that I can handle seeing so much of what was surrounding me. If he wants me out of his life, then so be it. If it was meant to be, the Universe will see to it that we come together again.”
“I know, baby girl,” Kurt said as he hugged her, vowing to see her again in a few days with a moving truck full of their things. He’d vowed to keep her mementos safe from the destructive grasp of her fathers, and safely tucked away until she was ready to see them again.
September…
Time passed. Both she and Kurt had found jobs to help pay for the essentials. School started and Rachel threw herself into her classes. NYADA was her every dream come true!
But every night before she would go to bed, after dinner time and laughter with Kurt, after Skype chats with her dads and even some emails and texting with Quinn, Rachel would turn down the lights and pop the ear buds in. Her iPod seemed to be set perpetually to play Faithfully and the sounds would soothe her to sleep as she cried, careful to be as quiet as she could. She put on a brave face during the day, but at night she fell apart.
Oh Finn, where are you now and why did you have to go?
October…
Time was flying! Before she knew it, it was Reading Week and time for the students to head home for a week long break. Rachel had been adamant when Kurt had attempted to get her to come back to Lima that she couldn’t. She had shifts to cover at Macy’s and there was a new Off-Off-Broadway play that she was going to head to the open casting call for. She knew Kurt could see through the excuses. He continued to try to persuade her until the moment he walked out the door and headed for the train station.
“He still loves you, you know…”
The words had hung in the air as the door shut behind him. Kurt had been a real friend. He’d stayed out of their breakup, never once mentioning Finn though she could see on his face that he’d wanted to share the news from home. He just had wanted to protect his friend’s fragile heart more.
Rachel pulled her engagement ring from her right hand pocket. It was funny; she had only just stopped wearing it. Her hand had felt naked for the first few days. From the moment he had given it to her, it had never left her hand and so now, it was the weirdest feeling not to have it there. She stared at it, inspecting it in the hazy light of the dying day. In the time that had passed, Rachel had learned that she had needed the push. It still hurt that he had done it, but she had needed it. She had needed the break to realize she was 100% sure.
She slipped the ring back on her left hand and continued watching Chicago on the TV, singing along when the mood struck.
November…
Since Reading Week, Kurt had been more and more down trodden that Blaine wasn’t with him. Their Skype conversations and texting sessions would generally leave him in a melancholy state affirming that he loved that man and couldn’t wait for Mr Schue’s upcoming nuptials that weekend. Rachel herself was aflutter with excitement to return to Lima, something that she hadn’t felt in a long while. The night before they were to leave, Rachel sat beside Kurt on the sofa and felt that now was the time to ask some very serious questions.
“Kurt?” she softly begged his attentions. As usual, he and Blaine were texting back and forth and his face was a mixture of happiness and sorrow. Rachel placed a hand on his forearm and waited for his attention.
“Hmm?” he looked up at her expectantly.
“I wanted to ask you a few questions, if you don’t mind answering them for me…” she paused and gathered strength. Kurt’s phone beeped again with a message waiting for him. “I think I’m finally ready to hear all what you may be able to tell me.”
Kurt glanced down at the message. She saw him tap furiously on the keypad and lean forward to place the phone on the table. He turned to her and took her hands in his.
“Whatever I can tell you, I will. What would you like to know?”
“Tell me about Finn. Tell me whatever you can, whatever you know that lead up to me being here… In New York… Without him.”
She saw him suck in a hard breath. Rachel knew this would be tough on him too, but she needed to hear it before they headed back to Lima. She needed to know what she was facing.
“The night before you left, I found Finn in the backyard singing REO Speedwagon and kind of rocking himself. It was really weird to see him like that, I’ve never really seen him break, I mean I’ve seen him on the edge before but he looked broken…
“I can't fight this feeling any longer
And yet I'm still afraid to let it flow
What started out as friendship
Has grown stronger
I only wish I had the strength to let it show
I tell myself that I can't hold out forever
I said there is no reason for my fear
'Cause I feel so secure when we're together
You give my life direction
You make everything so clear”
Kurt could see him curled almost in a ball out in a dark corner of the yard. Carole had sent him to find her son, she was getting worried about Finn and truth be told, he was worried about his brother too. Since his rejection from Pace, Finn had seemed a little off, a little rattled.
Graduation had come and gone. Tomorrow, his family and friends would gather to wish Rachel and Finn the best of luck on their life’s journey in the courthouse at City Hall. Then the newly minted Mr. and Mrs. would be leaving for Niagara Falls to enjoy a little time together before the big move to New York and NYADA. He wasn’t totally jealous - he was going too. Just not to NYADA. New York was calling his name. He could try for NYADA again, he’d already decided.
As he drew closer, he could hear the tears shaking Finn’s voice and watched his body rocking as he sang.
“And even as I wander
I'm keeping you in sight
You're a candle in the window
On a cold, dark winter's night
And I'm getting closer than I ever thought I might
And I can't fight this feeling anymore
I've forgotten what I started fighting for
It's time to bring this ship into the shore
And throw away the oars, forever”
The pain was clear and crisp in his voice. Kurt could almost taste it. He didn’t dare approach. Sometimes you just need to cry these things out.
“'Cause I can't fight this feeling anymore
I've forgotten what I started fighting for
And if I have to crawl upon the floor
Come crashing through your door
Baby, I can't fight this feeling anymore
My life has been such a whirlwind since I saw you
I've been running round in circles in my mind
And it always seems that I'm following you, girl
'Cause you take me to the places
That alone I'd never find”
This was about Rachel; it just had to be, the lyrics screamed her name. What on Earth could have happened to make him break down like this? Kurt was her best friend, he would have heard from her if the wedding was off, wouldn’t he?
“And even as I wander
I'm keeping you in sight
You're a candle in the wind
On a cold, dark winter's night
And I'm getting closer than I ever thought I might
And I can't fight this feeling anymore
I've forgotten what I started fighting for
It's time to bring this ship into the shore
And throw away the oars, forever”
Finn got to his feet and turned his face to the sky, as though he was screaming the words to the stars. Hell, maybe he was. Kurt was seriously concerned now.
“'Cause I can't fight this feeling anymore
I've forgotten what I started fighting for
And if I have to crawl upon the floor
Come crashing through your door
Baby, I can't fight this feeling anymore”
The final words croaked from his voice as he dropped his head into his hands and let the tears flow freely. Kurt decided now was the time to chance an approach. He came up behind him and placed a hand on Finn’s shoulder. Startled, Finn sniffled and began wiping his face with his hands.
“Geez, don’t sneak up on me like that! You scared me to death! Almost gave me a heart attack!” Finn shouted halfheartedly
“Are - Is everything OK Finn? That was some pretty soulful stuff there…”
“I’m OK,” he said softly, “No, no, I’m not OK. I don’t know what I am anymore and that’s what I’m afraid of.” Finn walked towards the fence and leaned his arms against it whether to hold himself up or to brace himself with, Kurt was unsure.
“Kurt, I love her with all my heart, but all I’m doing is dragging her down. Her father’s helped me see that tonight. I have to set her free - allow her to fly and be the star that she’s destined to be. If she really was mine, if the Universe really does have our names written in the stars, then we’ll survive this right?”
“What are you saying?”
“We’re not getting married tomorrow,” he turned and the brothers were face to face, “Make sure everyone is at the train station by four. Rachel’s going to New York, to NYADA.” He stalked off towards the house leaving Kurt standing with his jaw hanging. Shocked, stunned and unable to believe what he was hearing, Kurt turned to follow.
********
The train began to pick up speed. Finn followed, running beside it, chasing his hopes and dreams, his heart as it sped from his life. Her hand was on the window reaching out for him. It was breaking him. He followed the train until the edge of the platform and he could run no more. He watched as it went, stood there until it was out of sight.
When he collapsed it was Puck, Blaine and Kurt who helped the fool to his feet. He sobbed without shame at the loss of the light of his life.
“Every time I’ve talked to him, every time I’ve been home… He asks about you. He wants to call, to talk to you but I know he doesn’t because he needs you to be OK. He needs you to be strong and to chase your dreams. He can’t be what holds you back, he doesn’t want to be just that guy riding your coattails, Rach.”
The tears were streaming down her face. Stupid, foolish love!
“You OK, hon? You sure you really needed to hear that?” Rachel nodded her head to him, smiling through tears.
Kurt continued to tell her of the days that had passed before her text message. About the broken Finn at Quinn’s graduation party. About Quinn trying to beat some sense into his thick skull for letting her go without him and for even contemplating joining the army. His words were interspersed with laughter and tears, from both of them, but in the end Rachel did feel better.
She finally had what she needed. She twisted the ring on her left hand, it was right where it should be and so was she, but something was missing and she needed to rectify that. As soon as humanly possible.
********
Will and Emma’s wedding had been planned for the weekend before Thanksgiving since most of the New Directions Alums would be returning to see their families for break and it would be easiest for their college schedules. They had promised them that they would be there to sing. The new New Directions and the old, together as one, singing for the happiness of two of the greatest influences in their lives.
It was a beautiful day. The air was crisp and refreshing as some of the alums raucously exited the hall to cool off. Rachel laughed and rejoiced at being with her Glee Club friends again. They had all been through so much together, they were like a family. Kurt and Blaine were laughing and dancing together in the middle of the parking lot. Puck had scooped Quinn up into his arms and was twirling her around, her head thrown back laughing like a school girl. Santana, Brittany, Tina, Mercedes, Artie… She looked around and expected to see him, but he wasn’t there.
“Oh, Rachel it is soooo good to see you again!” Tina gushed, surprising the tiny vocal dynamo. Rachel placed a hand on her arm, smiled and pushed off towards Quinn. If anyone knew where Finn was hiding, it would be Quinn and Puck.
Puck was signing in her ear as he continued to twirl her round and round. Rachel laughed and was almost dizzy trying to focus on her friend’s face. It was hard for her to believe that despite everything that they had been through; Quinn had become one of her best friends. She knew both her heart and Finn’s, and for that Rachel was grateful.
“Quinn,” she was unusually meek, not really wanting to break up the happy couple, but aching for that kind of happiness for herself. They were both giggling and dizzy as they came to a stop and Puck reluctantly placed Quinn back on the ground. They both wobbled a little and Puck tried to steady her with his arms.
“I think,” Quinn said through giggles, “The one you’re looking for is over there.” She raised her arm, pointing towards the gardens.
She could just make out Finn’s silhouette in the distance; his back was to her staring outwards. She couldn’t help but wonder if he was thinking about this wedding as a bittersweet moment, just as she was.
What’s he thinking? Is he thinking of me?
Her body moved by sheer force of gravity. He drew her to him, a force to be reckoned with. Now was the time. It hadn’t been a year, but it was time that they put this relationship right.
She sidled up beside him, as if floating on air and slipped her hand into his, letting their fingers lace and intertwine. Rachel’s eyes fell on their hands, as did Finn’s, before they each drifted their gazes to the others eyes. Rachel was the first to smile as the tears she had been holding back began to pool in her eyes. Finn smiled; turning his body he brought his free hand up to stroke her cheek with his thumb and brushes away that one errant tear.
“Hey.”
“Hey,” his voice was rough, as though he hadn’t spoken in a millennia. Rachel had so much that she wanted to say in this moment, so much that she wanted to tell him. She wanted to pour out her soul, to scream, to cry, to fight, to kiss, to hug, to hold… To melt. She wanted to melt in his arms. “I’ve missed you so - sooo much.”
It was only a whisper, but to Rachel it was like a scream, an arrow through her heart as Finn spoke. She launched herself into his arms, unable to hold back any longer. Tears flowed freely from them both.
“I’m 100% sure,” she whispered in his ear and he laughed, spinning her around rather like Puck had done to Quinn.
********
From the parking lot, two friends stood arm in arm watching the reunion.
“It’s about damned time!” Quinn said as she punched Kurt in the arm playfully.
“You said it! I was getting so sick of being in the middle of their moping!” came his quick retort.
“Well, let’s just remind them of how foolish they were when they’re surrounded by children and grandchildren on their golden wedding anniversary.”