T update: one week
I promised myself to not post constantly about T changes but instead force them onto a schedule, so I would have a good basis for comparison. Scientific method or some shit, right?
I've been using AndroGel 1% once daily, applying approximately half of one 2.5g packet to my shoulders, alternating sides daily. It's worth including that I do not open a new packet each day; I fold up the foil and use the other half the next day, so I would expect that to decrease effectiveness. On the other hand, Days 1 and 2 felt very similar, as did Days 3 and 4, so maybe folding up the foil is good enough and it doesn't go bad in 24 hours.
Voice:
I started to doubt my sanity about four days in because pretty much nothing should happen after four days on 1/4 the "standard" dose, right? I wouldn't believe it except that I've been making recordings; after four days, it sounds lower to me but grittier or rougher to my partner. I can still get into my old range, but it requires straining in a way that's the reverse of what I've been doing for the past three years, and it feels really strange. I think all the change happened in the first two days and stopped after that. Those were the only days that my throat felt almost swollen (I'm guessing this is what people were referring to when their T updates said their voices felt "tight"). In spite of this, I've been read as female more than usual this week, so I'd say it's a wash. /-: Based on this, however, I am extremely tempted to use a full packet each day.
Emotions:
I didn't think I was being affected at all until today. I got in a fight over something that actually was a big deal but had trouble keeping my cool. I don't know how much was because it was such a serious matter (which, to be fair, I took too seriously, although in ways that are consistent with how I've always been) or because I'm more prone to rage or aggression because of T, but my hands were shaking when I took myself aside and rationally decided to solve the problem directly. (To be fair, my body had been twitching all over all day, which happens sometimes due to my seizure condition and has not happened previously this week.) It's definitely giving me some doubts, because I was pretty certain I wouldn't experience emotional changes. I called my therapist and asked to meet more regularly (once a week instead of every other week) for a while until I'm in a more steady state, but I'm afraid to tell my endo in case she wants to take me off T because of that. For the past few years, every emotional outburst has triggered a migraine, and this one's no different. I was sort of hoping T would change that because they are caused by drops in blood pressure, but no dice -- my blood pressure is still dropping too much after I get angry enough to raise it in the first place. Based on this, I am reluctant to use a full packet each day but cautiously comfortable with using half a packet each day.
Metabolism:
Possibly related to sex drive or something, but I expected my appetite to increase if anything and it has only decreased. I already have a low appetite due to ADHD medication and a fast metabolism when I don't take my meds anyway, so this is somewhat concerning. I've also been really tired and have now arranged to get 8.5 hours of sleep each night, up from a steady 7.5 for the past few months. If I try to wake myself after only 8, I end up snoozing the alarm for hours and feel sluggish anyway.
Hair:
I was expecting to be addressing changes in my hairline here, but there haven't been any. I have, however, noticed that my head hair isn't getting oily at as high a rate as before. I can now go three days without washing it with shampoo (just water in the shower). This is sort of a bad thing because my primary motivation to shower is usually the state of my hair. Also, I expected more oil and everywhere.
Acne:
On that note, my acne has not exploded. Obviously I've still got big cysts on my back and all over my face (jawline, hairline, nose, forehead, and ears), but the rate at which pimples are emerging is not much higher than it normally is. I should qualify this with the caveat that I started T less than a week after my last period, meaning I would be ovulating right about now, and the worst is very much yet to come. I can't find my tretinoin cream, so the only acne medication I've been using for the past week has been the topical antibiotic, which I also noticed had expired last month. I'm making an appointment with my PCP to renew the prescription.
Facial hair:
I discovered a little tuft of really long vellous hair at the corner of my jaw today. I started with noticeable sideburns; the barber I went to this past year would always shave them for me and call them sideburns, and he was not so much the trans*positive. However, aside from one non-vellous hair that once grew on my chin, I've never had any obvious hair growth anywhere else on my face or neck. I'm kinda doubting the jaw-corner hair is from T due to the timing, but it's worth noting for future comparison.
Downstairs:
For background, I still have some fears about my junk growing, although I've obviously decided it's worth the risk in order to get my voice into passing range. Still, the concern is that the geometry will change enough that (1) I'll have to re-learn how to masturbate, meaning there would be some time when I would have to suffer without it and (2) my dick will be so big that it can't help but rub on my underwear and chafe all the time, increasing my now-minimal bottom dysphoria, and that if/when I menstruate, it will be even more uncomfortable than it already is. So far, nothing's changed visually while, erm, flaccid, and it may be just a little bit bigger when erect, but too small to measure either way. Aside from my pants feeling tight from time to time and needing to rearrange myself more often, this is actually pretty cool.
Sex drive:
My sex drive actually seems to have declined, so it's probably not the T. I expected that T would have a bigger impact on my sex drive than my voice, but I was surprised to discover the opposite, at least in my case.
Everything else:
I'm going to try to comment on body hair, muscle growth, any hormone cycles, body fat migration, aromatic changes, and chesticle density, but nothing's changed (yet?). I have been doing pull ups approximately daily but have seen no pattern; I can do 2-4, just as before. As for passing, I'm getting read more inconsistently, but it's probably due to my new haircut. I've twice used the women's restroom in a public place, and caused women approaching the restroom to assume they were going the wrong way when they saw me going through the door. I've also gotten a few really long stares from ~8-14 year old girls in public restrooms.
I've been using AndroGel 1% once daily, applying approximately half of one 2.5g packet to my shoulders, alternating sides daily. It's worth including that I do not open a new packet each day; I fold up the foil and use the other half the next day, so I would expect that to decrease effectiveness. On the other hand, Days 1 and 2 felt very similar, as did Days 3 and 4, so maybe folding up the foil is good enough and it doesn't go bad in 24 hours.
Voice:
I started to doubt my sanity about four days in because pretty much nothing should happen after four days on 1/4 the "standard" dose, right? I wouldn't believe it except that I've been making recordings; after four days, it sounds lower to me but grittier or rougher to my partner. I can still get into my old range, but it requires straining in a way that's the reverse of what I've been doing for the past three years, and it feels really strange. I think all the change happened in the first two days and stopped after that. Those were the only days that my throat felt almost swollen (I'm guessing this is what people were referring to when their T updates said their voices felt "tight"). In spite of this, I've been read as female more than usual this week, so I'd say it's a wash. /-: Based on this, however, I am extremely tempted to use a full packet each day.
Emotions:
I didn't think I was being affected at all until today. I got in a fight over something that actually was a big deal but had trouble keeping my cool. I don't know how much was because it was such a serious matter (which, to be fair, I took too seriously, although in ways that are consistent with how I've always been) or because I'm more prone to rage or aggression because of T, but my hands were shaking when I took myself aside and rationally decided to solve the problem directly. (To be fair, my body had been twitching all over all day, which happens sometimes due to my seizure condition and has not happened previously this week.) It's definitely giving me some doubts, because I was pretty certain I wouldn't experience emotional changes. I called my therapist and asked to meet more regularly (once a week instead of every other week) for a while until I'm in a more steady state, but I'm afraid to tell my endo in case she wants to take me off T because of that. For the past few years, every emotional outburst has triggered a migraine, and this one's no different. I was sort of hoping T would change that because they are caused by drops in blood pressure, but no dice -- my blood pressure is still dropping too much after I get angry enough to raise it in the first place. Based on this, I am reluctant to use a full packet each day but cautiously comfortable with using half a packet each day.
Metabolism:
Possibly related to sex drive or something, but I expected my appetite to increase if anything and it has only decreased. I already have a low appetite due to ADHD medication and a fast metabolism when I don't take my meds anyway, so this is somewhat concerning. I've also been really tired and have now arranged to get 8.5 hours of sleep each night, up from a steady 7.5 for the past few months. If I try to wake myself after only 8, I end up snoozing the alarm for hours and feel sluggish anyway.
Hair:
I was expecting to be addressing changes in my hairline here, but there haven't been any. I have, however, noticed that my head hair isn't getting oily at as high a rate as before. I can now go three days without washing it with shampoo (just water in the shower). This is sort of a bad thing because my primary motivation to shower is usually the state of my hair. Also, I expected more oil and everywhere.
Acne:
On that note, my acne has not exploded. Obviously I've still got big cysts on my back and all over my face (jawline, hairline, nose, forehead, and ears), but the rate at which pimples are emerging is not much higher than it normally is. I should qualify this with the caveat that I started T less than a week after my last period, meaning I would be ovulating right about now, and the worst is very much yet to come. I can't find my tretinoin cream, so the only acne medication I've been using for the past week has been the topical antibiotic, which I also noticed had expired last month. I'm making an appointment with my PCP to renew the prescription.
Facial hair:
I discovered a little tuft of really long vellous hair at the corner of my jaw today. I started with noticeable sideburns; the barber I went to this past year would always shave them for me and call them sideburns, and he was not so much the trans*positive. However, aside from one non-vellous hair that once grew on my chin, I've never had any obvious hair growth anywhere else on my face or neck. I'm kinda doubting the jaw-corner hair is from T due to the timing, but it's worth noting for future comparison.
Downstairs:
For background, I still have some fears about my junk growing, although I've obviously decided it's worth the risk in order to get my voice into passing range. Still, the concern is that the geometry will change enough that (1) I'll have to re-learn how to masturbate, meaning there would be some time when I would have to suffer without it and (2) my dick will be so big that it can't help but rub on my underwear and chafe all the time, increasing my now-minimal bottom dysphoria, and that if/when I menstruate, it will be even more uncomfortable than it already is. So far, nothing's changed visually while, erm, flaccid, and it may be just a little bit bigger when erect, but too small to measure either way. Aside from my pants feeling tight from time to time and needing to rearrange myself more often, this is actually pretty cool.
Sex drive:
My sex drive actually seems to have declined, so it's probably not the T. I expected that T would have a bigger impact on my sex drive than my voice, but I was surprised to discover the opposite, at least in my case.
Everything else:
I'm going to try to comment on body hair, muscle growth, any hormone cycles, body fat migration, aromatic changes, and chesticle density, but nothing's changed (yet?). I have been doing pull ups approximately daily but have seen no pattern; I can do 2-4, just as before. As for passing, I'm getting read more inconsistently, but it's probably due to my new haircut. I've twice used the women's restroom in a public place, and caused women approaching the restroom to assume they were going the wrong way when they saw me going through the door. I've also gotten a few really long stares from ~8-14 year old girls in public restrooms.