Private Practice fic: Stupid Is (Violet/Cooper)
Title: Stupid Is
Pairing: Violet/Cooper
Rating: PG-13
Words: 3008
Summary: Love makes people stupid. Violet knows this, because she knows Cooper.
Notes: Sequel (which, wow, took me a bit longer to finish than I thought, heh) to Sock Drawer of Love. I make absolutely no apologies for the grand heaping pile of shmoopiness that is this fic.
Of course Cooper loved her. Of course he did. Once she'd gotten over the initial weirding-out, the weirdest thing about it was how weird it wasn't.
Because of course Cooper loved her.
No one would be stupid enough to put up with all of her dysfunctional emotional crap, otherwise. It just made sense. Love did that - it made people stupid.
"What are you thinking about?" She looked over at him, eyebrows raised, and he winced. "Sorry. I'd never say that, but you look like you're about to burst a blood vessel in there somewhere, so, I'm asking."
"I'm thinking about how stupid you are," she told him.
"That's nice. Wanna have sex again?"
"Yes. But we have to go to work."
"Sorry, I just, I can't -" his words were muffled suddenly, as he was busy kissing the side of her neck. He lifted his head to look down at her. "I can't understand a word you're saying when you're so naked. What did you say?"
She smiled up at him, wide and adoring, because he was so adorable and she'd never really appreciated that before - at least, not in a way she'd been able to articulate - and said, "I'll buy you a frappuccino if you go take a shower and get dressed."
"Come with?"
"I think you can manage on your own." He was already trying to drag her up with him. "Cooper," she told him, trying not to laugh, "I have no clothes here. I have to go home."
"That's very practical of you."
"One of us has to be."
Standing up the rest of the way, she wrapped her arms around him.
It wasn't even weird that they were both totally naked, standing in the middle of his bedroom in the stark light of day.
Well, it was a little weird. But they were getting there.
"Oh, so it's your turn today," he said with his chin on her head.
She could feel him smiling into her hair.
*
At home, in the bathroom, she ran a hand through that same hair, and it got caught. She frowned, leaning closer to the mirror, turning her head, until she encountered a row of tiny braids sticking out from behind her ear.
She left the bathroom and found a phone.
"Cooper, what's with my hair?" she said when he picked up.
"Oh. You were snoring at like four am and I got bored."
She hung up and tossed the handset back on the couch.
Then she reached over to pick it up again, because she really needed to ask Cooper whether he had turned into a twelve-year-old girl when she wasn't looking.
The phone rang before she could hit redial.
She answered it. "Hello?"
"I'm not a twelve-year-old girl," he said. "I just - I got bored. You snore."
"I do not."
"I tried to roll you over, but you kicked me."
"I did not!"
"I'd like my frappuccino with a double shot and extra chocolate sprinkles, by the way."
She hung up again, and made her way back to the bathroom, untangling her braids.
*
He was waiting for her in the parking lot, leaning against his car.
"You might be my favourite provider of breakfast ever," he said when she presented him with not just the coffee but an apple danish to go with it. "Although Dell does have that 'service with a smile' thing going for him..."
Stirring her whipped cream, she turned her face up and gave him a very deliberate smile.
She hated mornings. Everything was too bright and confronting. She leaned against Cooper's car, turning her frappuccino into monotone sludge, and sneaking looks at him out the side of her sunglasses.
"We're missing the morning meeting," he said eventually.
"I know."
"We're doing that on purpose, aren't we."
"Totally. My first appointment's at nine-thirty."
"Me too."
They checked their wrists simultaneously.
Fifteen minutes to kill.
*
"You guys missed the meeting," Naomi greeted them at the desk while Dell handed them their morning files.
"Oh, we were -"
"Consulting."
"Consulting, on a patient."
"Over breakfast."
Cooper held up the remains of his danish, before passing it to Dell to toss.
"And uh, we lost track of time."
"Sorry."
They both said the last part at the same time.
Then looked at each other, trying to will themselves not to laugh.
Cooper, closer to losing it than she was, chose to flee. "I um, have stuff. In my office." He pointed, and made a speedy exit.
She turned to watch him go, grinning stupidly. Then turned back to find both Naomi and Dell staring at her.
"Okay, what was that?"
"What was what?" She was suddenly very interested in one of her files.
"That," Naomi said. "What was... that."
"No idea what you're talking about."
"Okay, is it just me or was that something?" Naomi was now leaning over and addressing Dell.
"That? That was nothing."
Dell was her new favourite person, she decided.
Then he added, "Not compared to what I saw them doing in the parking lot a few minutes ago when I went to get one of my textbooks from my car."
Her head shot up. "Hey. Dell? Gossiping is a really unattractive quality in a man, and Naomi knows that. Naomi?"
Naomi took a moment to look at her like she was crazy, and then turned back to Dell. "Spill."
*
So apparently, killing the greater part of fifteen minutes making out against Cooper's car wasn't the greatest idea. Who would've guessed, she wondered.
Her frappuccino a sticky, spoiling puddle out in the parking lot, she headed away from Dell and Naomi's gossip-fest and towards the kitchen for coffee. Cooper joined her there about thirty seconds later.
He appeared suddenly behind her, leaning in, his mouth by her ear. "Stop smiling," he said in a low voice. Which wasn't at all sexy. "You look deranged."
"I haven't had sex in - in a really long time. Give me a break." He passed her the sweetener and a stirrer, which she took, and confessed, "I think they know."
"Oh, they definitely know."
She glanced sideways to see him waving at someone - or, she suspected, several someones - through the glass.
*
"No," Sam said. "No-no-no-no-no. No. Guys, we agreed. No-consorting rule. You two are consorting!"
She stuck the plastic stirrer in her mouth and acted like the entire practice converging on the kitchen in order to accuse her of consorting with Cooper was not at all embarrassing.
"I thought that was just for Pete," she said.
"Hey," Pete protested. "I never agreed to that rule in the first place."
"The rule," Sam insisted, "is for everyone. Including Pete."
"Especially Pete," Naomi broke in. "But Sam, you only care about that rule because no one here wants to sleep with you."
"Excuse me, that is not the reason, and I'll have you know -" Sam began, at the same time Naomi continued to loudly insist that it was the reason, and he shouldn't take out his frustrations on everyone else.
Meanwhile, Cooper was saying, "It's a stupid rule, and what are you going to do about it, anyway?"
"Why don't we take it on a case by case basis?" Addison spoke over the top of Sam, Naomi and Cooper, effectively silencing them. "With a vote. Why don't we just vote? Who here doesn't care if Violet and Cooper are... doing whatever it is they're doing?" She raised her hand.
Dell, who had been hovering in the doorway, very quickly raised his hand, too. "Oh, me, I like this plan. Case by case basis. Excellent idea. Yes."
Cooper and Violet had both put their hands up while Dell was still enthusing.
Sam put his hands on his hips. "You don't vote," he said to Dell. And then to Addison, "And you shouldn't vote."
"What? Why?"
"Because you're new. And you're biased. And so is he," he turned to indicate Pete, and then swung round towards her and Cooper. "And you two are more biased than they are. Which doesn't matter because nobody is voting."
"Well you didn't say anything about me," Naomi said. "And I have the bigger share in the practice, anyway, so I win."
"What do you win? There is no winning."
"Everything, Sam. I win everything. And nobody cares what Cooper and Violet do, what's your problem?"
Violet snuck a look over at Cooper, who was snickering. She sipped her coffee, grinning. Naomi in railroad-mode was fun to watch.
"I," Sam said carefully, "uh, I just..."
"Exactly," Naomi finished, and then turned away from Sam. "You two are fine."
Cooper held up a hand to her. "Yes!"
"Oh, come on," said Sam.
Naomi high-fived Cooper, and smirked. "Suck it up, Sam."
"Thank you, Naomi," Cooper said.
Snorting, Violet echoed, "Yeah, thank you, Naomi."
She got a finger pointed at her in return.
"You, me and Addison," Naomi said. "Lunch. Details." Then she leaned in and spoke under her voice. "You two just better not crash and burn in a huge flaming mess and take the entire practice down with you, because I will never hear the end of it from Sam."
"Yeah, thanks, no problem," Cooper said, grabbing Violet and steering her out of the kitchen.
Not that she was exactly reluctant to get out of there.
"Do you realise the people we work with just voted on whether or not we're allowed to have sex?" she said.
"It's nice to have the approval of our peers, isn't it?"
"Not at all humiliating," she agreed.
*
It was just sitting there on her desk, late morning, when she had just seen a patient out to the elevator and returned to her office to go over session notes.
Her answering machine. The message light blinking innocently.
"Hey," Cooper swung around the door frame mere seconds after she crossed the threshold. "I just had this kid, his brother dared him to eat expired yoghurt? Mom brought in the container to show me. It was like a gallon of expired yoghurt, we're talking rank, and he ate the whole thing."
"But you sounded less impressed when you were treating the kid, right?"
"I tried to tone it down."
"You high-fived him, didn't you."
He held up a finger and thumb. "Just a little bit."
Snorting, she dropped into her chair and reached over to hit play on the answering machine.
*
"I'm going to punch Alan in the face."
She looked up at Cooper from between her hands.
"What? I get to do that now I'm your - it's just, it's the rules, okay? I get to punch Alan in the face."
The longer she didn't say anything, she noted, the more Cooper panicked, and the more frantic his pacing became.
He almost tripped over her coffee table and she spoke.
"Cooper, please don't punch Alan in the face."
"Not seeing a reason why I wouldn't."
"Because people don't want a paediatrician who's up on assault charges." She sat up, pushing her hair back from her face. "I'm the practical one, today, remember?"
He stopped pacing, and stood still, staring at her floor.
"It was just a message. I'm not going to..." She shrugged. "It was just a message."
And if she had to ignore a sick thrill at the thought of Alan calling her, wanting to apologise, wanting to make it up to her - she was probably better off keeping that to herself.
If Cooper didn't already suspect the truth.
"He showed up here and you - Vi, you just keep going back to the guy. How am I supposed to -"
"Trust me?"
He looked up at her finally, expression pained. Fearful. It was Cooper, and he was afraid of her.
Not that she blamed him - he had reason to be afraid, because he knew her better than anyone. He knew she was a black hole of dysfunction and misery and could drag him down with her so easily.
But watching him stand there, she couldn't imagine anything that would make her hurt him. Something told her that would be awful in a way she couldn't fathom, not for all her experience of people and the many ways they could be hurt, and hurt each other. It was knowledge she didn't want.
"Come over here," she said, holding out her hand.
*
He sat on her desk, his palm all sweaty as she held it with hers. He didn't seem inclined to break the silence, but his head turned a little as he glanced at the answering machine. Pointedly, she thought.
"I don't want to deal with this today," she said. Or possibly whined. "Today, I get a free pass. Don't I? From all that crap?"
"And tomorrow?"
"You'll still be here to hold my hand. So I'll be fine," she said simply.
"Unless I'm in jail for punching Alan in the face."
"I'm sure someone would bail you out."
"You'd bail me out."
"I told you not to do it! I'm hoping you get a cellmate with a leather fetish. It'd serve you right."
"Totally worth it."
"Stupid," she muttered, but she was laughing now. Then her eyes drifted for a treacherous second towards the answering machine.
Which of course Cooper noticed.
"If I wasn't here you'd have listened to that thing fifty times already, wouldn't you?"
"I can't wave it away with a magic wand." She gripped his hand tighter. "Do something," she told him. "Help me."
Turning, he reached over and hit a button on the answering machine.
"Message erased," came the electronic voice.
She blinked.
"You deleted the message."
He shrugged.
"You deleted it," she said again.
It had taken her over six months to delete the last message Alan had left on her machine.
Not saying anything in reply, Cooper just leaned over and kissed her on the forehead. Then he pushed off from the desk, apparently meaning to go, but she was still holding onto him. He looked down at their joined hands, wary, and slowly, she started to smile.
"You rock," she said.
The wariness fled, replaced with a smile of his own, so that they were smiling at each other and seriously, they really did need to stop doing that, but for now it was just fine.
"I know," he said, shrugging it off as if he hadn't been very, very worried. Then, prudently, he changed the subject entirely. "So, your place tonight? Maybe knock off a few of the Ashley Judd collection?"
"Actually, why don't you pick a movie you like?"
Cooper, who had once sat through 'Divine Secrets of the Ya-Ya Sisterhood' three times in one weekend while she got weepy and wondered aloud, and often, why she didn't have more female friends, said, "Really?"
Like a little kid on Christmas morning.
"No porn," she added.
"Still awesome." At that point, he gave his arm a shake. "Violet, detach."
For a moment, she actually considered not doing that. But Cooper needed his arm back, and she needed to stop clinging to him like a lifeline. At least for now - she could have him back later, she reminded herself, and sitting back she let his hand slip out from between hers.
He patted her head, looking like he knew exactly what she'd been thinking, and took off. She was pretty sure to go check through his Netflix list. But he stopped as he got to the door, pointing two fingers at her.
"Nudity's okay, though, right?"
"I hope so," she told him. And then grinned goofily because she was flirting with him. Flirting with Cooper. And it was so stupid - it wasn't even good flirting - and yet, she kind of loved it.
She loved -
"Oh my god. I love you."
She stared at him from behind her desk as a wide grin spread across his face, and he laughed. "You sound a little surprised, there."
"You don't."
"That's 'cause I have hope. I don't live in sad, cynical Violet World." He leaned back against the doorjamb, apparently completely at ease. "Violet."
"What?"
"This time you come over here."
He held out his hand and she went to him.
"I love you," she said again, feeling stupid, more than anything, for not saying it sooner.
"Yeah, you do," he agreed.
He ruffled her hair.
She smacked his arm. Then she kissed him.
He never seemed taller than when she did that. She had to get up on her toes, and he rubbed his hand down her back, supporting her, his hand warm and sure through her top.
"Oh no, this is - this is not happening," a voice interrupted. "There are patients. People who came to see their doctors. Not their doctors macking on each other."
"Did Sam just say 'macking'?" she said to Cooper under her breath.
"That's it. I am vetoing this. I am vetoing all of you. No macking in the hallways. I have to find Naomi. Going to veto this. Not professional. Not at all." Sam moved on, continuing to talk to himself.
"Did you happen to get his opinion on macking in our offices, as opposed to hallways?" Cooper wondered.
She backed up, pulling him after her, and closed the door.
*
"It's good, right? Admit it."
"Come on. Anyone can make spaghetti."
"And when was the last time you made spaghetti, Cooper?"
"Last week."
"Keeping in mind that from a can doesn't count."
"Totally counts. Says 'spaghetti' right there on the label."
"I made this from scratch. I used fresh herbs."
"You know, you've got a little something, right -"
She pushed his hand away and reached for a napkin as he laughed at her.
"Just put the damn movie on."
"Okay, I got a couple. This one has Angelina Jolie in it, and this one has - I don't know, but they wear very little clothing and things explode."
She put down her napkin and picked up her fork. "Surprise me."
the end