There goes the fear.

[iheartyourdeath]

I so wanted today to be a GOOD day, and I know it's not too late to turn it around, but I am learning to not ignore my feelings but to listen to what they are telling me and to embrace them. I wish I could remember good memories and things people say to me. But ALL I can remember, and all that I dream about, and the things that play over and over

Comments

[i_got_luckey]

I'm sorry...maybe you should come pamper yourself and have a mini facials etc. moodswingssalon.com

[xmanchildx]

I'm sorry to hear that Lisa. You've always been one of my favorites, and I can't recall personally ever saying anything mean to you, so as it goes, since I'm the King Of Arizona, anyone who disagrees with me and says shitty things to you will get jumped by 10+ kids that are half my age. Deal?

[5_3_10_4]

I was at an alanon meeting recently and someone got up and discussed how one of their biggest problems is that they cut whatever they're feeling with other feelings. Like, if something sad happens then they get angry about it or try to be happy thinking they will convince themselves they are. They said that they realized they dwell on things for so long because they never gave themselves an appropriate amount of time to just feel the emotion they wanted to feel, the emotional reaction that whatever their situation was caused, and since they never took the time to go through the emotions that their body naturally wanted to feel they never were able to fully get over it or recover. I feel like maybe you're suffering from the same thing. You're trying not to feel certain things, and you're trying to make yourself feel a way that you don't... when maybe you just need to let yourself be sad about something, or be mad, or be confused. Then when you're tired of feeling that way you'll move on, you'll forgive, and let go. Go through the

[5_3_10_4]

Also, tho it may be hard and seem dorky, try writing down the good things people say to you. Even if just something little, or something really touching. You'll see it adds up. When you hear something you like force yourself to remember.

I was once in an airport reading invisible monsters and the woman next to me asked me what my book was about and we chatted for a while. We didn't talk the whole flight but as I was getting off the plane she stopped me and said "You're not invisible, you'll make a difference." And I was really touched she told me that, and I wanted to always remember that a stranger recognized something in me that I didn't.

[iheartyourdeath]

Thanks Kim, That first paragraph makes so much sense to me, it's unreal. I am now dealing with twenty three years of repressed anger nd feelings, and it can really be overwhelming MOST of the time. I'm unlearning all my bad coping mechanisms, and learning some healthier ones. Getting rid of bad habits, and replacing them with (new) healthy things. Phewww.

Thank you for the kind words. I really hate hearing nice things about myself. I have really great people around me and good friends that treat me well, and it's still something I'm not so used to. Compliments are almost foreign to me. Or not so much foreign, but i feel like they are undeserved and I usually brush them off really fast because I hate how awkward they make me feel. I'm sure that doesn't make much sense..

I hope you are happy and are doing well. And I really hope you're still volunteering at the abused seal shelter place, because that stuff seems like it has always made you happy.

[witharrowsready]

i have a book for you to read... i'm going to be at goldenrule in a week or so... maybe i'll leave it there for you to pick up?

[iheartyourdeath]

That would be really awesome :) Thank you so much. Look forward to it!