The self-reccing meme
from ivanolix: Post, in your journal, a rec list singling out the best of your own fics. Tell people why you are especially proud of those particular fics, and of course provide links to them. Yes, that's right, this step involves self-promotion. How else are people supposed to find your fics? List as many or as few as you feel appropriate to represent your body of writing.
Also include a paragraph about the types of fics you most enjoy reading or are most interested in reading in the immediate future -- favorite tropes, pairings, fandoms, whatever. If you're particularly lazy, link to that Dear Writer post you did for whatever holiday exchange comes to mind.
Reply to other rec posts (like for example the one you are reading now) by reccing a fic of your own that might fit the original poster's tastes, or that you'd just really like them to read, because maybe they don't know they'd like it.
I am actually really happy to see this going around. Lately I've been trolling the Ladyfic meme for new friends, and every time I click on someone's journal, I wish they had a list of their best fics in their profile. It would be such a good way to get to know people, and I would really love to re-discover some of my old friends' favorite stories too! (*looks at flist hopefully*)
I know we're supposed to pick however many works we think represent us, but I have to admit I struggled. I thought five would be a good number, maybe ten at most. Then I decided to just fucking OWN it already and admit that I have written twelve stories I really love. These are listed chronologically, not in order of how much I love them, because that would be impossible.
1. How Winona Kirk Fell in Love, Found Her Strength, and Healed a Relationship with Bread Pudding - Winona/George, Jim Kirk
Three scenes from Winona's life involving bread pudding. I'm proud of this first and foremost because I was so, so tempted to choose one of the scenes, post it as a ficlet, and be done with the whole thing. Instead I stuck it out for three months to make a complete story, and I love it principally because of Winona and Jim's reconciliation scene. I could tell from the comments that I struck the right balance between what was said and not said, and let me tell you, it took lots of drafts to do that.
2. There Is Joy in Repetition (But Sometimes You Have to Break Routine) - Christine Chapel, gen
Christine Chapel defends sickbay from Romulan intruders while Kirk, Spock, and McCoy are critically injured. I'm proud of this because I almost gave up on it multiple times, and when I thought it was finished, it needed a pretty big overhaul...which again tempted me to default. I stuck with it though, and I think the work shows in the small details of Enterprise life, the realism of the action, and the final scene where Kirk and Chapel discuss the burdens of command.
3. Just Like a Waving Flag - mostly Sulu gen with a bit of Gaila/Sulu (please see story header for warnings)
When Sulu was a boy, he and his father tried to smuggle an Orion girl into freedom. It didn't work out. This, honestly, is the best and hardest thing I've ever written. It still breaks my heart a little that I've gotten more comments on silly drabbles about Gaila. It is a hard, gritty, sad story, but I didn't flinch from any of it, and I'm glad I wrote the *true* ending instead of the happy one.
4. Not the Desert, Not Repenting - Amanda/Sarek
Amanda and Sarek alone in a moment of the night. This ficlet is odd and possibly a little difficult to understand, but I love it anyway because it captures the push and pull of Sarek's desire and restraint. There's no sex, but the tension is hot, and I think you can see their love underneath.
5. Walk the Line - Amanda/Sarek
Sarek gives Amanda terrible Christmas gifts. It's one of those things that should be small, but it's not. Obviously, the story is about the challenges of an intercultural relationship, but it's also about what it's like to be in a relationship, period. We are all alien sometimes, even to the people we love, and working through that is both frustrating and beautiful. I think I got that across.
6. I Have Been Her Kind - Number One, gen (content advisory for abortion)
It's hard for me to even know what to say about this story except that it was important to me to write it and I'm glad I did. I just hate that abortion is so shrouded in silence; it means so many women -- my friends included -- have suffered alone. I wrote it for them.
7. Not Her Body But Her Life - Amanda, Spock/Uhura
Spock memorializes his mother through stories. I like this because so many of us never realize our mothers are human beings until it's too late, and I think this story captures that truth. I think I did a good job with Spock here, and the way that he and Uhura are both stumbling through their grief feels real to me.
8. Nobody to Help Me (But Myself) - Christine Chapel, Jim Kirk (see story header for warnings)
Christine Chapel is reluctantly sent on spy mission by Captain Kirk. No lies, I'm a little in love with my Kirk characterization here. I wish I could write more of him this way. He is so in love with Chapel -- not that he admits it, even to himself -- and there's going to be a story about that one day. It's actually half written... But I digress. I'm proud of this story because it captures the balance of strength and vulnerability that makes characters feel real. Chapel is scared, but she's a bad ass, and I'm happy I dealt with some of the complicated feelings she experienced after successfully completing her mission. Also, I love this story because it's proof that inserting yourself into a story does not make bad writing. What happened to Chapel happened to me, and the story is better for it. In fact, the story wouldn't exist without it.
9. Matched Set (The Clothes Make the Man Remix) - Chekov, gen
Starfleet issues everyone a uniform skirt and uniform pants. Chekov would really prefer to wear the skirt, and this is the story of him becoming sufficiently secure to do so. Writing this story was scary because I had never written about anything as important as gender identity and gender expression before, and I so badly wanted to get it right. Receiving comments saying I got it right are some of my proudest moments in fandom.
10. Surak and Socrates Want You to Masturbate - Gaila, background Spock/Uhura, past Gaila/Uhura
Gaila uses logic to convince Spock to masturbate in front of her. It's porn, but it's also about what it really means to be sex-positive, and I'm happy people have commented to say that came through. If I do say so myself, the title's pretty awesome, and this also contains the best one-liner I have ever written.
11. The Proper Treatment of Sexorexia - Gaila and Uhura, gen (sort of)
Gaila and Uhura aren't getting along, which is obviously because Uhura isn't having enough sex. Gaila decides to help, which unsurprisingly does not go according to plan. I'm really proud of the Gaila voice here, especially the balance between humor and just a bit of pathos. It is absolutely the funniest story I've ever written, but it works because it has emotional resonance too.
12. Carrion Comfort - Number One, Spock, gen
One helps a young Lieutenant Spock cope with his guilt after several members of an away team are killed under his command. This is more of an honorable mention than a real rec because I only wrote it two weeks ago, so I can't say whether it will become an enduring favorite. It's on here because it perfectly represents who I am as a writer now. I like stories that are understated. I find fulfillment in the balance between what characters say and what they don't. Most of all, I like stories where 'comfort' comes from simply acknowledging how much pain exists in the world sometimes. This story encapsulates that.
Doing this meme was strangely therapeutic. For a long time, I've believed that my stories are not as good as they were last summer. Now I can see that my interests as a writer have just shifted. I used to write stuff that was primarily funny and hopeful, with a bit of pathos. Now, as in "Carrion Comfort," I lean toward bittersweet and understated. It's not even a question of good writing vs. bad writing; it's just who I am right now. Some of that is me drifting toward the kind of writing that I admire rather than the kind of writing I think people want to read. When I was in college, I feel in love with the epilogue of Stephen King's On Writing. It was so austere, and because of that, incredibly powerful. I thought instantly, this is the writer I want to be. So there's that. There's also a long and terrifying look into my id. When I am being honest, I tend not to view happy things as real or true. I think happiness is usually qualified or complicated in some way, and it has to be earned. I don't think people ever really comfort us, but I think it is beautiful and consoling to know that we are never the only person to have experienced a particular kind of pain. (All of which might just be me saying that I reject easy answers, which sounds a bit less demoralizing than what I've written here.) Some people write to get further from themselves, but I write to get closer. I find something intensely satisfying in seeing myself and my issues laid out so clearly, even if no one can see them but me. There is an essay about my childhood in here somewhere, but I'm not going to write that today.
Most of my reading comes from where_no_woman, which is no surprise since most of my flist comes from there too. I love stories about strong women, but even more than that, I love stories about real women who lead complicated and sometimes messy lives. I like women who are leaders and action heroes, but I also love stories about people making mistakes. Awesome isn't about being perfect all the time; it's about figuring out how to work around our flaws. I enjoy those themes about male characters too, but knowing where to find those stories is difficult.
I love friendship fic about anyone really, but especially Kirk and McCoy. Friendships are every bit as complicated, fascinating, and beautiful as romance, and stories that acknowledge that are intensely satisfying.
I'm still looking for m/m or f/f slash that tackles some of the issues of self-discovery and being different that (for me at least) are inextricably woven into the experience of being queer. It's maybe not as complicated as it sounds. That moment when Ianto's sister asks him if he's gay, and he has to explain his sexuality and deal with the fact that people have been talking about him? That's enough for me.
I like stories where people who canonically have nothing to do with each other form friendships or fall in love, and I love stories where characters employ Socratic dialogue against each other. (Um, that is a very specialized literary kink that I don't really expect other writers to indulge in, but I am mentioning it here just in case...)
Less ambitiously: I love Gaila, always Gaila. Amanda/Sarek and Pike/Number One are always and forever my OTPs. I like stories where women enjoy sex, and where characters are sex positive in general. And, as much as I love women, I also love Sulu, Spock, McCoy and Kirk, especially if the latter two are working through their pasts or the burdens of command (because there have to be some for McCoy, too, right? I mean, was he really prepared to be a CMO? I am curious). Other loves include fics that explore what went wrong between McCoy and Jocelyn, McCoy/Uhura stories of any stripe, and, somewhat bizarrely, Kirk/Sulu (but not really porn for that pairing).
Please do not feel shy about reccing! Obviously, since I have enthusiastically recced twelve stories of my own, I will not judge! More importantly, if you gave me recs, I would think of it as a favor to me rather than self-promotion to you.
Really, do the meme. And not because I am afraid of being the only one to do it. Because if you are on my flist, I love you writing, and I would love to see what you think is your best.
Also include a paragraph about the types of fics you most enjoy reading or are most interested in reading in the immediate future -- favorite tropes, pairings, fandoms, whatever. If you're particularly lazy, link to that Dear Writer post you did for whatever holiday exchange comes to mind.
Reply to other rec posts (like for example the one you are reading now) by reccing a fic of your own that might fit the original poster's tastes, or that you'd just really like them to read, because maybe they don't know they'd like it.
I am actually really happy to see this going around. Lately I've been trolling the Ladyfic meme for new friends, and every time I click on someone's journal, I wish they had a list of their best fics in their profile. It would be such a good way to get to know people, and I would really love to re-discover some of my old friends' favorite stories too! (*looks at flist hopefully*)
I know we're supposed to pick however many works we think represent us, but I have to admit I struggled. I thought five would be a good number, maybe ten at most. Then I decided to just fucking OWN it already and admit that I have written twelve stories I really love. These are listed chronologically, not in order of how much I love them, because that would be impossible.
1. How Winona Kirk Fell in Love, Found Her Strength, and Healed a Relationship with Bread Pudding - Winona/George, Jim Kirk
Three scenes from Winona's life involving bread pudding. I'm proud of this first and foremost because I was so, so tempted to choose one of the scenes, post it as a ficlet, and be done with the whole thing. Instead I stuck it out for three months to make a complete story, and I love it principally because of Winona and Jim's reconciliation scene. I could tell from the comments that I struck the right balance between what was said and not said, and let me tell you, it took lots of drafts to do that.
2. There Is Joy in Repetition (But Sometimes You Have to Break Routine) - Christine Chapel, gen
Christine Chapel defends sickbay from Romulan intruders while Kirk, Spock, and McCoy are critically injured. I'm proud of this because I almost gave up on it multiple times, and when I thought it was finished, it needed a pretty big overhaul...which again tempted me to default. I stuck with it though, and I think the work shows in the small details of Enterprise life, the realism of the action, and the final scene where Kirk and Chapel discuss the burdens of command.
3. Just Like a Waving Flag - mostly Sulu gen with a bit of Gaila/Sulu (please see story header for warnings)
When Sulu was a boy, he and his father tried to smuggle an Orion girl into freedom. It didn't work out. This, honestly, is the best and hardest thing I've ever written. It still breaks my heart a little that I've gotten more comments on silly drabbles about Gaila. It is a hard, gritty, sad story, but I didn't flinch from any of it, and I'm glad I wrote the *true* ending instead of the happy one.
4. Not the Desert, Not Repenting - Amanda/Sarek
Amanda and Sarek alone in a moment of the night. This ficlet is odd and possibly a little difficult to understand, but I love it anyway because it captures the push and pull of Sarek's desire and restraint. There's no sex, but the tension is hot, and I think you can see their love underneath.
5. Walk the Line - Amanda/Sarek
Sarek gives Amanda terrible Christmas gifts. It's one of those things that should be small, but it's not. Obviously, the story is about the challenges of an intercultural relationship, but it's also about what it's like to be in a relationship, period. We are all alien sometimes, even to the people we love, and working through that is both frustrating and beautiful. I think I got that across.
6. I Have Been Her Kind - Number One, gen (content advisory for abortion)
It's hard for me to even know what to say about this story except that it was important to me to write it and I'm glad I did. I just hate that abortion is so shrouded in silence; it means so many women -- my friends included -- have suffered alone. I wrote it for them.
7. Not Her Body But Her Life - Amanda, Spock/Uhura
Spock memorializes his mother through stories. I like this because so many of us never realize our mothers are human beings until it's too late, and I think this story captures that truth. I think I did a good job with Spock here, and the way that he and Uhura are both stumbling through their grief feels real to me.
8. Nobody to Help Me (But Myself) - Christine Chapel, Jim Kirk (see story header for warnings)
Christine Chapel is reluctantly sent on spy mission by Captain Kirk. No lies, I'm a little in love with my Kirk characterization here. I wish I could write more of him this way. He is so in love with Chapel -- not that he admits it, even to himself -- and there's going to be a story about that one day. It's actually half written... But I digress. I'm proud of this story because it captures the balance of strength and vulnerability that makes characters feel real. Chapel is scared, but she's a bad ass, and I'm happy I dealt with some of the complicated feelings she experienced after successfully completing her mission. Also, I love this story because it's proof that inserting yourself into a story does not make bad writing. What happened to Chapel happened to me, and the story is better for it. In fact, the story wouldn't exist without it.
9. Matched Set (The Clothes Make the Man Remix) - Chekov, gen
Starfleet issues everyone a uniform skirt and uniform pants. Chekov would really prefer to wear the skirt, and this is the story of him becoming sufficiently secure to do so. Writing this story was scary because I had never written about anything as important as gender identity and gender expression before, and I so badly wanted to get it right. Receiving comments saying I got it right are some of my proudest moments in fandom.
10. Surak and Socrates Want You to Masturbate - Gaila, background Spock/Uhura, past Gaila/Uhura
Gaila uses logic to convince Spock to masturbate in front of her. It's porn, but it's also about what it really means to be sex-positive, and I'm happy people have commented to say that came through. If I do say so myself, the title's pretty awesome, and this also contains the best one-liner I have ever written.
11. The Proper Treatment of Sexorexia - Gaila and Uhura, gen (sort of)
Gaila and Uhura aren't getting along, which is obviously because Uhura isn't having enough sex. Gaila decides to help, which unsurprisingly does not go according to plan. I'm really proud of the Gaila voice here, especially the balance between humor and just a bit of pathos. It is absolutely the funniest story I've ever written, but it works because it has emotional resonance too.
12. Carrion Comfort - Number One, Spock, gen
One helps a young Lieutenant Spock cope with his guilt after several members of an away team are killed under his command. This is more of an honorable mention than a real rec because I only wrote it two weeks ago, so I can't say whether it will become an enduring favorite. It's on here because it perfectly represents who I am as a writer now. I like stories that are understated. I find fulfillment in the balance between what characters say and what they don't. Most of all, I like stories where 'comfort' comes from simply acknowledging how much pain exists in the world sometimes. This story encapsulates that.
Doing this meme was strangely therapeutic. For a long time, I've believed that my stories are not as good as they were last summer. Now I can see that my interests as a writer have just shifted. I used to write stuff that was primarily funny and hopeful, with a bit of pathos. Now, as in "Carrion Comfort," I lean toward bittersweet and understated. It's not even a question of good writing vs. bad writing; it's just who I am right now. Some of that is me drifting toward the kind of writing that I admire rather than the kind of writing I think people want to read. When I was in college, I feel in love with the epilogue of Stephen King's On Writing. It was so austere, and because of that, incredibly powerful. I thought instantly, this is the writer I want to be. So there's that. There's also a long and terrifying look into my id. When I am being honest, I tend not to view happy things as real or true. I think happiness is usually qualified or complicated in some way, and it has to be earned. I don't think people ever really comfort us, but I think it is beautiful and consoling to know that we are never the only person to have experienced a particular kind of pain. (All of which might just be me saying that I reject easy answers, which sounds a bit less demoralizing than what I've written here.) Some people write to get further from themselves, but I write to get closer. I find something intensely satisfying in seeing myself and my issues laid out so clearly, even if no one can see them but me. There is an essay about my childhood in here somewhere, but I'm not going to write that today.
Most of my reading comes from where_no_woman, which is no surprise since most of my flist comes from there too. I love stories about strong women, but even more than that, I love stories about real women who lead complicated and sometimes messy lives. I like women who are leaders and action heroes, but I also love stories about people making mistakes. Awesome isn't about being perfect all the time; it's about figuring out how to work around our flaws. I enjoy those themes about male characters too, but knowing where to find those stories is difficult.
I love friendship fic about anyone really, but especially Kirk and McCoy. Friendships are every bit as complicated, fascinating, and beautiful as romance, and stories that acknowledge that are intensely satisfying.
I'm still looking for m/m or f/f slash that tackles some of the issues of self-discovery and being different that (for me at least) are inextricably woven into the experience of being queer. It's maybe not as complicated as it sounds. That moment when Ianto's sister asks him if he's gay, and he has to explain his sexuality and deal with the fact that people have been talking about him? That's enough for me.
I like stories where people who canonically have nothing to do with each other form friendships or fall in love, and I love stories where characters employ Socratic dialogue against each other. (Um, that is a very specialized literary kink that I don't really expect other writers to indulge in, but I am mentioning it here just in case...)
Less ambitiously: I love Gaila, always Gaila. Amanda/Sarek and Pike/Number One are always and forever my OTPs. I like stories where women enjoy sex, and where characters are sex positive in general. And, as much as I love women, I also love Sulu, Spock, McCoy and Kirk, especially if the latter two are working through their pasts or the burdens of command (because there have to be some for McCoy, too, right? I mean, was he really prepared to be a CMO? I am curious). Other loves include fics that explore what went wrong between McCoy and Jocelyn, McCoy/Uhura stories of any stripe, and, somewhat bizarrely, Kirk/Sulu (but not really porn for that pairing).
Please do not feel shy about reccing! Obviously, since I have enthusiastically recced twelve stories of my own, I will not judge! More importantly, if you gave me recs, I would think of it as a favor to me rather than self-promotion to you.
Really, do the meme. And not because I am afraid of being the only one to do it. Because if you are on my flist, I love you writing, and I would love to see what you think is your best.