Fic: Unsent 2/?
Title: Unsent
Rating: Teen
Disclaimer: Not mine~
Summary: Rose's declaration of love soon leads to her departure from the TARDIS, and not everything is as it seems on Earth. "She vows, right then and there, to never forget him, even if she did imagine it all."
2
"What time is it there?"
"What time is it here? Um, we're in the same time zone."
"Um, oh yeah, right."
Stepping out of the TARDIS doors has always inspired a thrill within her, even if she is only stepping out onto the pavement outside the Powell Estates. Now, however, as her left foot aligns itself with its right counterpart, and the sound of the police box's doors slamming resounds in her ears, she can't help but detect a note of finality in the situation. There is a moment where she pauses, where all those barriers she had built against her own selfishness crumble into mere dust. She imagines what would happen if she just stepped back inside and allowed the Doctor to give in to all those self-destructing tendencies, allowed that slow corruption of his sense of right and wrong to spread and consume him.
No. Rose couldn't do that, not to him. The Doctor, she has learned, is very much a god in some ways. In the same ways, he is a slave, a puppet, and an individual. She's accepted this; she knows that when it comes down to the universe or Rose, it has to be the universe. When he told her that he wasn't going to forget her - that he'd rather die than forget her, she knew she had to leave. The Doctor wasn't meant to off himself over some human, and if he didn't realize that, then her worst fears are confirmed. Rose Tyler has corrupted him, entwined him into her snare of hope and joy and selfishness while he was just oh so vulnerable and now he's intoxicated with the difference.
She feels sick thinking about it. It sounds as if she's poisoned him or something. But the worst part is that she knows it's all true.
Ironically, just as she concludes this train of thought, the TARDIS' engines sound and Rose hears the familiar noise of metal grinding against time. She doesn't need to look behind her shoulder to know that the TARDIS is dematerializing, so instead she looks around.
The sky is a harsh white, the buildings around her gray and dull red, the whole picture forming a sloppy cityscape. The grass is green, with just the beginning of brown at its tips. In the distance, she hears traffic and some neighbor screaming at her husband.
The whole scene is too familiar for her liking. It was almost as if she'd dreamt it all, and it's only just now that she's waking up. It's like she never left.
She vows, right then and there, to never forget him, even if she did imagine it all.
0000
Mum, of course, is all about tea and the salon and who's dating whom on that soap she supposedly loathes and yet watches religiously.
"I swear, it's like they've got a drug or something in the telly. I mean, it's just drivel and things but I just got to know if the father of Jillian's baby really is the man in the masquerade. Ooh-is that something I should worry about? You know, with all you tell me it's not crazy to think they've got drugs in the telly. Could it be aliens or something?"
Rose nods. "Y-wait. Mum, there aren't aliens in the telly."
Jackie is affronted. "Well, don't be like that about it. What about that thing you told me about with the brainwashing on T.V. with the satellite that had the monster in the ceiling?"
"You mean the Jagrafess? Mum, that's different."
"How, exactly?" Jackie isn't irritated anymore, and she blinks a slow, calculating blink as she observes her daughter's face. Rose has seen that look before.
"It just…is."
"Rose, where's the Doctor?"
A silence falls between them - an occurrence so uncommon that it's unsettling.
"Is he coming back?"
Rose can't bring herself to speak. Her expressions curls, and she chokes on an ugly-sounding sob as she turns toward her mother.
"Rose? What happened? What'd he do to you?"
She sobs once more, almost laughing. Through her hiccups, she says, "It's not him, Mum. It was all me. I've," Rose lifts her gaze to meet her mother's. "I've ruined him."
0000
Time does not halt when Rose Tyler stepped out the TARDIS doors. Mercilessly, it continues to tick by. The Doctor can envision the rest of his life quiet clearly - full of excitement and happiness and adventure and sadness and loneliness. A long winding road waits for him. It would be brilliant. It would be without Rose.
He knew, from experience, that this pain that pulled at his very seams, nearly undoing him every second would not cease anytime soon. He allows one tear to fall silently down his cheek as he exhaled, shocked by his loss.For once, the Doctor mourns. He allows himself to face reality and be scared senseless by it. Then he opens his eyes, and pulls down the dematerialization lever.
The sound of the TARDIS engines soon grinds to a halt. There is a moment before he dashes through the TARDIS doors, where he contemplates going back to the Powell Estates. Forty-two seconds, he calculates - it would take him only forty-two seconds to return to her. The smile of hers he sees in his mind is almost tangible. Almost. Forty-two seconds.
"Stop it," the Doctor tells himself. He runs down the ramp and out the door, fleeing from the cold reality that was now infused in his life.
0000
It has been a day of nothing at all. Jackie had gone to work, feeling that her daughter needed some time for reality to sink back in. She was right. Rose spent the entire day watching reruns of EastEnders and chowing down on microwave popcorn. She never once touched the phone to call Shareen or Liz or the rest of her gang she had left behind. When all there was on the telly was infomercials, she turned it off and simply let her mind wander. She took a shower. Ate some more.
Now, she is playing solitaire on the kitchen table. She's losing. Rose never had actually learned any strategy or anything. Somehow, it ruined the fun. Somehow, just jumping in without a clue was more appealing than obsessing over a plan or whatever. How very Doctor of me, she muses.
Abruptly, she drops the card she was holding. "Solitaire is boring," Rose says to the empty air, and leaves the kitchen, not bothering to clean up the game.
She enters her old room. Teen magazines and laundry litter the place. It doesn't surprise Rose that Jackie never bothered to clean it up. It looks weird to her, in a way. Sure, it's a teenager's room, but it doesn't feel like her room. Is she not a teenager?
Rose smooths out her old pink comforter and sits on her old bed. She thinks of what happened in the kitchen. Maybe she's doing this wrong. Maybe she shouldn't go all repressed. Maybe she should think of the Doctor, just let all her pass out in one big go and try to heal and recover from there.
She tries it, squeezing her eyes shuts and just remembers.
The way his old leather jacket smelled. The way his old blue eyes shined. The way it felt when he went off with that tree. The way it felt when he said that she was the best. The way her hand burned from hanging from a barrage balloon. The way it felt when he exploded and his face changed. The way his new voice trusted her. The way he talked to her like there was no one else in the world, even though the Sycorax leader stood only a few meters away. The way apple grass smelled. The way that werewolf reminded her of gold. The way she realized she was just another Sarah Jane. The way he told her that she was not, and the way that she didn't believe him. The way it felt when he left her. The way it felt to see her father alive, again. The way it felt when Mickey left her. They way her tears burned when she struggled to work out if she should tell him or not. The way her declaration turned itself on its head. The way it felt to leave him.
Her eyes shoot open, the images still swimming in her vision. Barrage balloons. Gas-mask zombies. Jack Harkness. But - he's dead, Jack's dead, isn't he?
Werewolves. Queen Victoria. The Torchwood Estate.
Rose blinks. What is happening? It is almost if these memories were being forced at her. Is there something in her head? Suddenly, the whole idea that this force wanted to harm her seems ridiculous. She can't even bring herself to be wary.
Moving on, Rose decides that whatever this force was, it wants to tell her something. Werewolves and Jack. What could it mean? Time for some Googling, she thinks. I bet I could go to that library two streets over.
Rose almost smiles. Not one day after leaving the Doctor, she invents this whole new mystery for her to solve. The smile fades. Is it all just in her head? Something her subconscious cooked up to entertain her because it knew nothing on Earth could thrill her like traveling did?
Rose sighs. Sometimes, she thinks she thinks too much. Sometime, she thinks that she's become too much like the Doctor.
She wonders if that's a good thing or a bad thing. Both, she decides, after a moment or two of contemplation. Suddenly, Rose's whole body lurches in a hysterical half-laugh half-sob. She is stilling crying when Jackie returns.
"How far away did you think we were?"
"I don't know. It felt far."