ignite
ignite
Jaejoong/Victoria, PG. 1,399w
The question is how to start it, he thinks, because once that's over everything else follows quite easily. Or at least he thinks it’ll flow easily, but that could all be in his head. And if it wasn't going to - well, then there’s always a second chance.
For now though, because it hasn't really started yet and because starting it (‘it’ being the keyword here, and love being its’ equivalent) is the hardest part, Jaejoong can't really think about how he had managed to go about it once upon a time ago. Because that was then, and this is now. That time consisted of two very different people, at very different circumstances - and he was no way in the right state of mind to be comparing each of those moments.
He was younger then, and her name was Yeonhee.
Nowadays though, he is older, and this time the name is Victoria.
Yes, it’s quite different. Polars apart, actually.
But, see, the point is how it starts - and because of this, he knows, it's the most difficult part of the game. He sits and waits, with the light off and his head tilted back over the couch’s arm, and thinks of how he could possible work it out this time without messing up badly and loosing what he's already lost once before.
The problem is, he concludes, is that she's complicated. All women are, by definition, and that's a fact that can not be changed. How you work with that fact is the question.
No amount of past experience, charm or insight he has into her could help direct him toward the proper way to get it going. She was still a foreigner in a lot of ways, no matter how many calls and messages they’d sent back and forth. And whatever happens, when he tries to really start it, depends upon her mood at the time and how her day went. Simple as that. Because she's a woman… and a woman can answer the same question twelve different ways depending on weather or how they managed to buy a whole box of Chocopie today and completely forgetting that she’s in a low-carb diet or that her manager is going to kill her once he finds out that she did, in fact, each five Chocopies in one seating or that she keeps in contact with him - the traitor, so to speak, and a bad influence on a developing leader like herself.
I've never been that complicated, he thinks to himself and then shakes his head, No wait, yes I have. Because even if he really can't remember most of what happened to him after 2009, or how he refused to think of those times; even if the feelings from back then did still stab at him once every other night, Jaejoong thinks that he’s started his life off a little bit better after then. Far better, and looking at the whole world in a whole new different (better) light - because he had refused to for so long. So yes, perhaps he can understand a little bit about being moody and temperamental because of that. Because he was for awhile back then. Or maybe he still is.
Still, he can't understand the mind of a woman.
And he's been at this for at least two hours.
The real problem here is that he can't concentrate. Ever. His mind flutters of on things like buying Chocopies at the store or the brightness of her smile or the Chinese food she sent over the night before. It's a cretin type of ADD, one that lets him avoid focusing on the things he would rather not focus on. Take this train of thought, for instance.
Focus on her, He scolds himself and forces his thoughts to halt. This is not about you, it's about her. It's about the possible of ‘us’.
But how do we start?
There's a silence around him that unnerves, despite there being quite a few people with him in the restaurant. He refolds his hands over his stomach and thinks: This isn't getting me anywhere. He cringes, shoot. Focus, Kim.
What would she want?
His nose itches a little bit but he ignores it and closes his eyes again, sealing himself into the quiet - remembering what he should do at a time like this. There had to be kindness, a compassion for the other person. He can remember kindness being a key - because Victoria herself was kind, a little too much sometimes but it was her way and it was endearing. A little bit understanding didn’t hurt as well, with his situation and the fact that she shouldn’t even be contacting him. But, he muses, she could have just ignored me right from the start?
What else is there? Was it possible that he'd missed something important? A clue that would tell him how to do this properly again, something that could lead him to confess in the right manner without scaring her or himself off?
But how would he know, anyway, that this time it was really love? Was it written in between their messages, lying under the humor in their conversations? Was it somewhere in between her sharing stories of relationships she’s had before and after, and him sharing as well, vice versa? Was it hiding in fingers grazing during late night strolls, their smiles free and true and honest? Because if that was the case - then he does know he loves her now, quite deeply, and he has a fair inkling (hope) that she loves him too.
But what did he know for sure?
Heaving out a long sigh, Jaejoong waves and calls for a waiter. There are several dishes he’d like to try but none that he could choose that wouldn’t scream desperation. Pity he couldn’t bring her to his home instead; maybe the he could have made her something. Something she liked... like, well, anything.
Tofu, he remembers, she likes tofu.
He settles on ordering a pot of tofu stew, and cringes at how lame it was. He could have made her that at home if she requested it. It would have been easy - but then how would it look to her if he’d invited her back to his place? On a week night, in between her schedules and his?
He sighs loudly again and buries his face in his hands.
There's nothing I can get her that she doesn't have already.
Focus. How can I start it without being too… abrupt? Or corny? Flowers? Too cliché, even more me. Jewelry? That’s too much so early on. Chocolate? She might think I want her to get fat or something.
Heels click softly towards him and he almost jumps in surprise. He looks up at her standing in front of him, out of breath and grinning, and then he just knows.
“Jaejoong?”
She's framed by the glow from a light around them. Modelesque and surprisingly naïve, she looks just as confused as he is to see her finally arrived. Her index finger reaches out to poke him on the forehead and she says his name again, her eyebrow rising as her grin widens even more. Jaejoong's chest tightens, instinctually, and the answer comes to him as easy as he’d hoped it would be.
Fact is, they've already started it. Somehow, some way - without noticing, it had begun and it was perfect.
“Did you wait very long? I told you I would be late-the MV shoot was clear across town and my manager wouldn’t let me go even though I’d finished hours before-”
The kiss comes quick on her lips and she falls silent, staring at him as he withdrew ever so slowly. It was there. It was that simple. The answer could have smacked him if it was alive - angry at his ignorance. He pinches her nose for good measure and grins as the stew finally arrives and he starts serving her a bowl,
“I missed you, Victoria.”
She says nothing in return but smiles again instead, her hair frizzing from a hard day of being a woman. She gets it, and it was good. Because they were perfect for each other the way they were - neither needing a starting point to get what they’d felt inside because it's always there. Unspoken, free and honest.
And that's the best part about love, isn't it?
* * * *
Author's Note: My self-challenge was... Pick a random pair and make a oneshot! Obviously I have succeeded, although who knows if anyone will bite! This is a little weird, but that's just because I'm not exactly in the right state of mind. I just had to get this plot bunny out my head.
Anywho, since I am done with this - I will now focus my energy on Physiology. This week until next is my exams week so wish me luck!
Jaejoong/Victoria, PG. 1,399w
The question is how to start it, he thinks, because once that's over everything else follows quite easily. Or at least he thinks it’ll flow easily, but that could all be in his head. And if it wasn't going to - well, then there’s always a second chance.
For now though, because it hasn't really started yet and because starting it (‘it’ being the keyword here, and love being its’ equivalent) is the hardest part, Jaejoong can't really think about how he had managed to go about it once upon a time ago. Because that was then, and this is now. That time consisted of two very different people, at very different circumstances - and he was no way in the right state of mind to be comparing each of those moments.
He was younger then, and her name was Yeonhee.
Nowadays though, he is older, and this time the name is Victoria.
Yes, it’s quite different. Polars apart, actually.
But, see, the point is how it starts - and because of this, he knows, it's the most difficult part of the game. He sits and waits, with the light off and his head tilted back over the couch’s arm, and thinks of how he could possible work it out this time without messing up badly and loosing what he's already lost once before.
The problem is, he concludes, is that she's complicated. All women are, by definition, and that's a fact that can not be changed. How you work with that fact is the question.
No amount of past experience, charm or insight he has into her could help direct him toward the proper way to get it going. She was still a foreigner in a lot of ways, no matter how many calls and messages they’d sent back and forth. And whatever happens, when he tries to really start it, depends upon her mood at the time and how her day went. Simple as that. Because she's a woman… and a woman can answer the same question twelve different ways depending on weather or how they managed to buy a whole box of Chocopie today and completely forgetting that she’s in a low-carb diet or that her manager is going to kill her once he finds out that she did, in fact, each five Chocopies in one seating or that she keeps in contact with him - the traitor, so to speak, and a bad influence on a developing leader like herself.
I've never been that complicated, he thinks to himself and then shakes his head, No wait, yes I have. Because even if he really can't remember most of what happened to him after 2009, or how he refused to think of those times; even if the feelings from back then did still stab at him once every other night, Jaejoong thinks that he’s started his life off a little bit better after then. Far better, and looking at the whole world in a whole new different (better) light - because he had refused to for so long. So yes, perhaps he can understand a little bit about being moody and temperamental because of that. Because he was for awhile back then. Or maybe he still is.
Still, he can't understand the mind of a woman.
And he's been at this for at least two hours.
The real problem here is that he can't concentrate. Ever. His mind flutters of on things like buying Chocopies at the store or the brightness of her smile or the Chinese food she sent over the night before. It's a cretin type of ADD, one that lets him avoid focusing on the things he would rather not focus on. Take this train of thought, for instance.
Focus on her, He scolds himself and forces his thoughts to halt. This is not about you, it's about her. It's about the possible of ‘us’.
But how do we start?
There's a silence around him that unnerves, despite there being quite a few people with him in the restaurant. He refolds his hands over his stomach and thinks: This isn't getting me anywhere. He cringes, shoot. Focus, Kim.
What would she want?
His nose itches a little bit but he ignores it and closes his eyes again, sealing himself into the quiet - remembering what he should do at a time like this. There had to be kindness, a compassion for the other person. He can remember kindness being a key - because Victoria herself was kind, a little too much sometimes but it was her way and it was endearing. A little bit understanding didn’t hurt as well, with his situation and the fact that she shouldn’t even be contacting him. But, he muses, she could have just ignored me right from the start?
What else is there? Was it possible that he'd missed something important? A clue that would tell him how to do this properly again, something that could lead him to confess in the right manner without scaring her or himself off?
But how would he know, anyway, that this time it was really love? Was it written in between their messages, lying under the humor in their conversations? Was it somewhere in between her sharing stories of relationships she’s had before and after, and him sharing as well, vice versa? Was it hiding in fingers grazing during late night strolls, their smiles free and true and honest? Because if that was the case - then he does know he loves her now, quite deeply, and he has a fair inkling (hope) that she loves him too.
But what did he know for sure?
Heaving out a long sigh, Jaejoong waves and calls for a waiter. There are several dishes he’d like to try but none that he could choose that wouldn’t scream desperation. Pity he couldn’t bring her to his home instead; maybe the he could have made her something. Something she liked... like, well, anything.
Tofu, he remembers, she likes tofu.
He settles on ordering a pot of tofu stew, and cringes at how lame it was. He could have made her that at home if she requested it. It would have been easy - but then how would it look to her if he’d invited her back to his place? On a week night, in between her schedules and his?
He sighs loudly again and buries his face in his hands.
There's nothing I can get her that she doesn't have already.
Focus. How can I start it without being too… abrupt? Or corny? Flowers? Too cliché, even more me. Jewelry? That’s too much so early on. Chocolate? She might think I want her to get fat or something.
Heels click softly towards him and he almost jumps in surprise. He looks up at her standing in front of him, out of breath and grinning, and then he just knows.
“Jaejoong?”
She's framed by the glow from a light around them. Modelesque and surprisingly naïve, she looks just as confused as he is to see her finally arrived. Her index finger reaches out to poke him on the forehead and she says his name again, her eyebrow rising as her grin widens even more. Jaejoong's chest tightens, instinctually, and the answer comes to him as easy as he’d hoped it would be.
Fact is, they've already started it. Somehow, some way - without noticing, it had begun and it was perfect.
“Did you wait very long? I told you I would be late-the MV shoot was clear across town and my manager wouldn’t let me go even though I’d finished hours before-”
The kiss comes quick on her lips and she falls silent, staring at him as he withdrew ever so slowly. It was there. It was that simple. The answer could have smacked him if it was alive - angry at his ignorance. He pinches her nose for good measure and grins as the stew finally arrives and he starts serving her a bowl,
“I missed you, Victoria.”
She says nothing in return but smiles again instead, her hair frizzing from a hard day of being a woman. She gets it, and it was good. Because they were perfect for each other the way they were - neither needing a starting point to get what they’d felt inside because it's always there. Unspoken, free and honest.
And that's the best part about love, isn't it?
* * * *
Author's Note: My self-challenge was... Pick a random pair and make a oneshot! Obviously I have succeeded, although who knows if anyone will bite! This is a little weird, but that's just because I'm not exactly in the right state of mind. I just had to get this plot bunny out my head.
Anywho, since I am done with this - I will now focus my energy on Physiology. This week until next is my exams week so wish me luck!