The Downsides of a Falling Heart
The Downsides of a
Falling Heart
Lina-centric; Yunho/Lina, PG. 1572 words.
(Sequel to The Benefits of a Breaking Heart)
The way Lina sees it - there are three downsides to being around and slowly falling in love with Jung Yunho (once again).
The first downside was that it is comfortable - a little too much so that sometimes it makes her forget all the idiotic things he’s said and done during the short time they stopped being anything to each other in the first place.
If it weren’t comfortable, then Yunho wouldn’t have been so cool and friendly. He wouldn’t be calling her at ungodly hours at night (“There’s nothing good on TV and Changmin’s ran my iPad’s battery out after playing God knows what. Think you could spare an hour talking to me for a bit?” “I saw your Cyworld update about baking. You actually know how to cook now?”) especially when he’s bored and can’t sleep because he knows that she’s probably also bored and can’t sleep too.
But the more he remains the same, friendly and cool, the more she wants to be awake to receive his calls. It begins to feel like things could go back to how it used to be - before the drama of being too busy as idols or the difficulties of keeping their relationship hidden from the public - because in the end, he really hasn’t changed at all and she knows that. She knows that he still collects coins and saves them in the large plastic gallon bottle he keeps in between his desk and dresser and that he still eats ramen when he’s up too late and can’t get to sleep. She’s come to enjoy knowing the fact that Yunho hasn’t changed all that much and that she still knew him the way she did from before.
Probably when they go out to drink with their colleagues, he won’t realize that she hasn’t been pretending to ignore him or sitting away from him. Probably he won’t realize that she’s been laughing too much at his lame jokes and turning her head towards him all night. Probably he won’t realize that she hasn’t been able to keep from not smiling and that her cheeks are beginning to hurt a little bit but she just can’t stop because he’s being too cute right now and really what else could a girl do but smile?
So yes, it’s too comfortable. It’s too much for her heart to take when she’s been so keen in filing him and their time together away from her memories. If it were any more than this, she probably wouldn’t be able to hold herself away any more.
Somehow though, she doesn’t think that’s such a bad idea either.
The second downside is, if Lina hasn’t completely lost it yet and she thinks she might as well have, is that her best friend might actually be totally okay with this.
Not that she’s said it out loud yet. Stephanie called one day and asked Lina flat out if something was going on between Yunho and her again, and she had completely denied it-waving her hand about as if her friend could see her from miles and miles away in America and hoping to sound normal while her heart hammered against her chest-but still, she got the feeling that Stephanie didn’t seem to think it would be a bad idea. And if this thing between her and him were any more comfortable, then Lina isn’t sure just how long she could keep from bursting the three words from her lips.
But she will keep quiet. At least, for a little while longer as she sorted her feelings out. Mostly because she doesn’t have the guts to (it’s self-preservation, she reasons, things could turn out bad if she opened her mouth too soon), and also because she doesn’t like the fact that she’s actually falling in love with the guy Stephanie might still like and she wants her to know that she didn’t intend for it to happen and that it was all Yunho’s fault for being around her so much all the time.
That’s why when she hears Stephanie laughing into the receiver and telling her to “Just go for it, babe” in English, Lina almost cries. Stephanie’s always been much more direct and mature than her - she always knew the right things to say and always kept her honest - it was one of the things she loved about the ballerina the most.
And it’s that honesty that makes Lina stare at him on the walk home and gets her mind reeling with thoughts (Stephanie says to just go for it. That means it’s okay… Maybe I should… should I?). “Hey,” she calls Yunho, “Are you really going to walk me home?” She grins to herself when he simply nods a few steps ahead of her as if it were the most obvious thing in the world and catches up to him. She remembers how Yunho seemed to like walking her home these days and links her arms with his.
Yunho doesn’t say anything but grins at her on the way back, but that’s fine by her. And Stephanie will play innocent as to why she’d call thirty minutes later to ask her about beauty tips and stammering at the mention of Yunho’s name, but that’s okay too.
Because the thing about falling in love (again), Lina thinks, is that when she finally admits it to herself she’ll be needing some girl friend advice and who was better to talk to her about it than her very own Kim Bokyung, ballerina extraordinaire?
The third downside is that she’s starting to believe in second, third, fourth and so on and so forth chances.
When they broke up for the very first time, there were a lot of tears and cursing (at his expense). At least, that’s how it was for that relationship… she hadn’t had cried for another in a very long time. It was all pretty simple to her since that day - happy and going out one day, indifferent and broken up the next.
But with Yunho, there was a lot more than just tears and cursing (again at his expense). Or rather, it was just how it was between them - things were always going to different between them, no matter how normal and comfortable they were with each other now than way back when. The thought makes her laugh under her breath and he turns to look at her from where he’s sitting inside one of the practice rooms in SM.
So yeah - maybe there was some good out of giving him another chance (or two or three or four). Yunho’s either oblivious or faking it because she doesn’t think he’s all that dense to not sense that someone was falling right into the palm of his hands.
Giving chances isn’t exactly so bad anyway, she thinks. The old Lina - no, Jiyeon - back then was too insecure and too jealous and couldn’t possibly compare with the new one. New Lina is stronger and a lot more patient than she used to be and she’s never stupid… which is funny, she realizes as she watched him stand up and slowly make his way towards her, because they broke up because he broke her heart and didn’t she promise herself that she’d never ever let him in her life again?
… Nevertheless, New Lina was better and more capable now than she was back then and could probably handle heartbreak if he ever threw her one again. Life was about making mistakes and learning from them over and over after all -so why not risk it?
And there they were again, sitting side by side in an empty practice room, not really doing much except listening to the beating of their hearts. There’s some kind of force pulling her head towards his shoulder and when it finally occurs to her that she’s just leaned into him exactly the same way she would have done way back when they were Jiyeon-and-Yunho, she realizes that she doesn’t care anymore to keep to herself and stay away from him. It doesn’t feel like she has to anymore. It doesn’t feel like she has to keep pretending that she wasn’t falling in love all over again.
“Say… do you think it’ll be okay if we… um, that is to say…” He begins, turning his head towards hers sheepishly, “I mean, this isn’t probably the best time but I was wondering if you’d like to-”
“I’d love to.” She doesn’t ever want to be away from him again. Not when it feels so good to be warm and safe against him all the time. Not when somehow, he’s just told her what she wanted to hear even though they weren’t the exact words. “You still have to work on your pick-up lines, Yunho. I’m tired of finishing your sentences for you.”
For now, she’ll just enjoy it. Even if it ends badly again, even if he breaks her heart and leaves her to pick up the pieces, she’ll enjoy it for however long she can. Pretending is too much work and Lina’s too proud to keep waiting for the right moment any longer…
Because she loves him, she loves him, she loves him.
Once. Twice. Forever.
(It’s not for certain yet, but with the way Yunho molds his lips onto hers just then - Lina thinks this could be the time she’d been holding out for.)
Goodness. After almost a year of not continuing this two-shot, I have finally finished it! Look, it's my first ever K-Pop Het pairing: Yunho of DBSK and Lina of CSJH The Grace. ♥
Falling Heart
Lina-centric; Yunho/Lina, PG. 1572 words.
(Sequel to The Benefits of a Breaking Heart)
The way Lina sees it - there are three downsides to being around and slowly falling in love with Jung Yunho (once again).
The first downside was that it is comfortable - a little too much so that sometimes it makes her forget all the idiotic things he’s said and done during the short time they stopped being anything to each other in the first place.
If it weren’t comfortable, then Yunho wouldn’t have been so cool and friendly. He wouldn’t be calling her at ungodly hours at night (“There’s nothing good on TV and Changmin’s ran my iPad’s battery out after playing God knows what. Think you could spare an hour talking to me for a bit?” “I saw your Cyworld update about baking. You actually know how to cook now?”) especially when he’s bored and can’t sleep because he knows that she’s probably also bored and can’t sleep too.
But the more he remains the same, friendly and cool, the more she wants to be awake to receive his calls. It begins to feel like things could go back to how it used to be - before the drama of being too busy as idols or the difficulties of keeping their relationship hidden from the public - because in the end, he really hasn’t changed at all and she knows that. She knows that he still collects coins and saves them in the large plastic gallon bottle he keeps in between his desk and dresser and that he still eats ramen when he’s up too late and can’t get to sleep. She’s come to enjoy knowing the fact that Yunho hasn’t changed all that much and that she still knew him the way she did from before.
Probably when they go out to drink with their colleagues, he won’t realize that she hasn’t been pretending to ignore him or sitting away from him. Probably he won’t realize that she’s been laughing too much at his lame jokes and turning her head towards him all night. Probably he won’t realize that she hasn’t been able to keep from not smiling and that her cheeks are beginning to hurt a little bit but she just can’t stop because he’s being too cute right now and really what else could a girl do but smile?
So yes, it’s too comfortable. It’s too much for her heart to take when she’s been so keen in filing him and their time together away from her memories. If it were any more than this, she probably wouldn’t be able to hold herself away any more.
Somehow though, she doesn’t think that’s such a bad idea either.
The second downside is, if Lina hasn’t completely lost it yet and she thinks she might as well have, is that her best friend might actually be totally okay with this.
Not that she’s said it out loud yet. Stephanie called one day and asked Lina flat out if something was going on between Yunho and her again, and she had completely denied it-waving her hand about as if her friend could see her from miles and miles away in America and hoping to sound normal while her heart hammered against her chest-but still, she got the feeling that Stephanie didn’t seem to think it would be a bad idea. And if this thing between her and him were any more comfortable, then Lina isn’t sure just how long she could keep from bursting the three words from her lips.
But she will keep quiet. At least, for a little while longer as she sorted her feelings out. Mostly because she doesn’t have the guts to (it’s self-preservation, she reasons, things could turn out bad if she opened her mouth too soon), and also because she doesn’t like the fact that she’s actually falling in love with the guy Stephanie might still like and she wants her to know that she didn’t intend for it to happen and that it was all Yunho’s fault for being around her so much all the time.
That’s why when she hears Stephanie laughing into the receiver and telling her to “Just go for it, babe” in English, Lina almost cries. Stephanie’s always been much more direct and mature than her - she always knew the right things to say and always kept her honest - it was one of the things she loved about the ballerina the most.
And it’s that honesty that makes Lina stare at him on the walk home and gets her mind reeling with thoughts (Stephanie says to just go for it. That means it’s okay… Maybe I should… should I?). “Hey,” she calls Yunho, “Are you really going to walk me home?” She grins to herself when he simply nods a few steps ahead of her as if it were the most obvious thing in the world and catches up to him. She remembers how Yunho seemed to like walking her home these days and links her arms with his.
Yunho doesn’t say anything but grins at her on the way back, but that’s fine by her. And Stephanie will play innocent as to why she’d call thirty minutes later to ask her about beauty tips and stammering at the mention of Yunho’s name, but that’s okay too.
Because the thing about falling in love (again), Lina thinks, is that when she finally admits it to herself she’ll be needing some girl friend advice and who was better to talk to her about it than her very own Kim Bokyung, ballerina extraordinaire?
The third downside is that she’s starting to believe in second, third, fourth and so on and so forth chances.
When they broke up for the very first time, there were a lot of tears and cursing (at his expense). At least, that’s how it was for that relationship… she hadn’t had cried for another in a very long time. It was all pretty simple to her since that day - happy and going out one day, indifferent and broken up the next.
But with Yunho, there was a lot more than just tears and cursing (again at his expense). Or rather, it was just how it was between them - things were always going to different between them, no matter how normal and comfortable they were with each other now than way back when. The thought makes her laugh under her breath and he turns to look at her from where he’s sitting inside one of the practice rooms in SM.
So yeah - maybe there was some good out of giving him another chance (or two or three or four). Yunho’s either oblivious or faking it because she doesn’t think he’s all that dense to not sense that someone was falling right into the palm of his hands.
Giving chances isn’t exactly so bad anyway, she thinks. The old Lina - no, Jiyeon - back then was too insecure and too jealous and couldn’t possibly compare with the new one. New Lina is stronger and a lot more patient than she used to be and she’s never stupid… which is funny, she realizes as she watched him stand up and slowly make his way towards her, because they broke up because he broke her heart and didn’t she promise herself that she’d never ever let him in her life again?
… Nevertheless, New Lina was better and more capable now than she was back then and could probably handle heartbreak if he ever threw her one again. Life was about making mistakes and learning from them over and over after all -so why not risk it?
And there they were again, sitting side by side in an empty practice room, not really doing much except listening to the beating of their hearts. There’s some kind of force pulling her head towards his shoulder and when it finally occurs to her that she’s just leaned into him exactly the same way she would have done way back when they were Jiyeon-and-Yunho, she realizes that she doesn’t care anymore to keep to herself and stay away from him. It doesn’t feel like she has to anymore. It doesn’t feel like she has to keep pretending that she wasn’t falling in love all over again.
“Say… do you think it’ll be okay if we… um, that is to say…” He begins, turning his head towards hers sheepishly, “I mean, this isn’t probably the best time but I was wondering if you’d like to-”
“I’d love to.” She doesn’t ever want to be away from him again. Not when it feels so good to be warm and safe against him all the time. Not when somehow, he’s just told her what she wanted to hear even though they weren’t the exact words. “You still have to work on your pick-up lines, Yunho. I’m tired of finishing your sentences for you.”
For now, she’ll just enjoy it. Even if it ends badly again, even if he breaks her heart and leaves her to pick up the pieces, she’ll enjoy it for however long she can. Pretending is too much work and Lina’s too proud to keep waiting for the right moment any longer…
Because she loves him, she loves him, she loves him.
Once. Twice. Forever.
(It’s not for certain yet, but with the way Yunho molds his lips onto hers just then - Lina thinks this could be the time she’d been holding out for.)
Goodness. After almost a year of not continuing this two-shot, I have finally finished it! Look, it's my first ever K-Pop Het pairing: Yunho of DBSK and Lina of CSJH The Grace. ♥