Fic: "Open your Eyes, Open your Heart" PART IV
Part III
PART IV
They don’t decide anything that night. No need to rush things. Decisions like that need to be well thought through and Jensen doesn’t want to end up losing everything in the end.
Jensen doesn’t want to risk everything just because they made one little mistake. Giving the label just one reason to sue would be enough.
Jared's taken up staying close to Jensen. There's flirting going on, though it's mostly subtle and tentative again. No word about Florida. Simple smiles, small touches and Jensen thinks he’s going crazy.
Jensen doesn’t have the right words ready yet. He doesn’t know how to justify what he said to Jared or how to apologize for them. Jared sometimes looks at him, honest eyes and small smile, as if he’s waiting for Jensen to finally realize what he has to do.
And yet Jared also keeps on saying, whispering sometimes when they are close, ‘talk, Jen. Don’t keep it in.’ Jensen wants to, he really does. The words stay hidden, deep in his mind.
The bus becomes home all over again, even though he keeps on missing Texas and calls his family at least once a week. Jared does the same and more often then not they end up talking over each other when trying to talk to their mom’s.
Jensen's on edge, a nervous ball of energy with no real way to let loose. The label, the uncertain future, the new songs he can only write when Jared’s around, his own messed up feelings - everything's closing in on him.
He smokes even more now. It makes Sandy and Jared resort to hiding his cigarettes, which leads to more than one shouting match that has them all laughing stupidly in the end.
The landscapes rush by now, dots outside the window, black tarmac just a long band into the horizon. Weather doesn’t even register anymore and the days are just numbers Jensen can’t figure out anymore. It’s life on the road but it’s so much more these days.
They barely stop in between gigs.
Jared seems to have settled into it now as well; seems he's less twitchy, more relaxed. Things between them change, slowly and mostly without Jensen even noticing.
Somewhere along the way, Jensen starts to find himself in conversations with Jared that last well into the night, and sometimes carry over to the next morning. They talk about life, the universe and how they ended up where they are now and why. Jensen learns things about Jared he’s pretty sure no one else knows.
Like how he loves writings songs so much more than being on stage, how he loves to dance and can lose himself in a rhythm, how he misses home but has started to love his job.
Jared’s song makes it on the set list the first time for one of their club gigs and Jensen is ridiculously happy about it.
One morning, fall fading and days getting shorter, Jensen’s distracted by the ink stains on his fingers when the right words are suddenly there. They sort of find him in a weak moment. Early mornings aren’t his favorite time of the day.
It happens unexpectedly and ends up being surprisingly easy. Jensen woke up still tired but unable to go back to sleep. He found Jared already awake, on a sugar high and let himself talked into staying in the tank with him. They’ve been mulling over lyrics for hours now. The others still asleep and Jensen hopes it stays like that for a while longer.
Jared’s cradling a cup of freshly brewed coffee, one from Mike’s stash and they're both wide awake now. He’s watching the sunrise, long legs tugged beneath him in a way Jensen didn’t imagine was possible. He looks tussled, sleepy but not exhausted.
Jared looks beautiful, Jensen thinks.
Long hair frames his face, hiding and watching the world outside. He looks calm, peaceful, and Jensen envies him a little. Jared's listening to him play, soft music, rearranged words and pencil scratching over paper. Jared listens and Jensen feels it deep down in his bones, feels the focus on him and shivers a little.
They sit close, something that happens now and then, not really touching but still close enough to feel body heat and movement. Jensen lets the pencil rest and simply looks over at Jared. He knows, suddenly, why Jared’s still there, what he’s waiting for and why Jensen let himself dance with the stranger all those weeks ago. It’s a sense of belonging, a feeling that Jensen can’t describe. It makes him set his guitar down and turn fully toward Jared.
“I’m sorry.” And he is. For everything; the mistrust, the words, his outburst. He wants Jared to know it. He's not sorry for having a crush on him, though, and he hopes Jared can understand that as well. The words hang there, in the air between them, but Jared’s eyes are on him now.
His face is blank, unreadable, but Jensen wants to touch anyway. Feels the urge to trace his fingers along strong cheekbones and the moles sprinkled over skin. He wants to kiss Jared, to touch those soft-looking lips and to taste him. He's been wanting to for a while now, but never dared to really think about it. Now he can and allows himself to do so.
Jensen wants Jared. Body and soul, everything.
Jared's smile is blinding, intensive but soft at the same time, and Jensen can only stare at it like it’s the best thing he’s ever seen. His chest feels tight but not in a bad way, not like it has for the last few months, ever since the first phone call.
It’s soft touches at first, fingers on his wrist and hip, pulling him closer. Then a peck on the cheek and finally Jared hugging him gently, as if he’s afraid he might spook Jensen should he move too fast. It almost makes Jensen laugh. It’s perfect in it’s innocence.
Apology accepted. Meaning understood.
Skin tingling and heart racing, Jensen suppresses a sigh, drops his head on Jared’s shoulder and stays like that, taking him in. Nothing else happens, they move apart again, smile softly and maybe a little shy and go back to what they’ve been doing all morning. Jensen thinks he’s finally on the way to figuring Jared out, to getting to know him beyond the seemingly easy going guy that has suddenly inserted himself into Jensen’s chaotic life.
Jensen gets up after a while, doesn’t even need to look at Jared to know that he needs more coffee as well. The thankful smile he gets when he places the cup in front of Jared is devoid of all surprise and Jensen realizes that they’ve come a long way. How he ever thought Jared was a hooker, he'll never know. It probably says a lot about his state of mind, and probably still does on some accounts. He feels like a jerk all over again just thinking about it.
“Stop it. It’s okay, Jen. Promise.” How that can be, Jensen doesn’t know, but he wants to believe Jared, and so he just nods and picks up the guitar again.
“Used to get sick on the bus,” Jensen says, not really knowing why he's talking. Though if Jared’s surprised by the change of topic, he doesn’t show it. He twists on the couch, sprawls out a little and stretches his legs out in front of him. It brings him even closer to Jensen.
“Really?”
“Uh huh. Was 17, first tour ever. Homesick and car sick at the same time. I don’t know how often our driver had to stop ‘cause of me. Spent half the tour at the side of the road puking my guts out. Tiny bus, smelly and loud as fuck. Real rock star experience.”
Jared’s laughing, loud and happy, but also still watching him. Jensen simply smiles, because it’s a nice picture to look at.
“Now, though, I can’t sleep too well anywhere but on the bus. Got so used to it that I even learned not to break my legs in the bunk.”
This time Jared snorts and dissolves into laughter again. “God, tell me about it.”
It’s like an invitation to rake his eyes over Jared’s long body. Jared lets it happen, spreads his legs a little even, thigh muscles visible under the fabric of loose track pants, t-shirt riding up and freeing a glance at tanned skin beneath. Jensen could go on watching Jared forever.
Jared's half-lidded eyes are still watching him with interest, so Jensen keeps on talking.
“It’s home now. Kind of. Spent most of the last 10 years on here and on the road. Wrote my best pieces on the bus.” Jensen shrugs, embarrassed all of a sudden and a little out of his element. He can still feel Jared’s lips on his skin. It’s catching up with him.
The guitar suddenly feels heavy in his hands and he lets it slide back down to the floor. The cup still feels warm in his hands and he sips at the coffee. Mike will kill them but working on songs with Jared is way more important than Mike’s imported French roast. There are gummy worms on the table as well, simply because Jared can’t start a day without them.
The sun’s fully up now, casting a weird light through the windows, Jensen could think of worse ways to start a day. He hasn’t needed any help from Jack or José during the nights recently. No pills either, not for sleeping and not for calming himself after an attack. Jared being around seems enough for him, for now.
Jared sighs into his cup, grins all wide when Jensen can’t suppress one of his own. The coffee just is this damn good. They settle back into a comfortable silence. Jensen sketching, new designs for their logo, and noting down words that spring up randomly when he steals a look at Jared. Jared, still sprawled out, now watches the world outside again. It’s peaceful in a way.
“You love writing songs, don’t’ya?” Jared says into the silence. Jensen somehow expected him to speak and nods without taking his eyes from the sketch, fine black lines already spreading further on the paper than he’d anticipated.
“Thought so.”
“Why’s that?” Jensen asks, glances up briefly to see Jared watching him, then goes back to the letters on the white page.
“The way you are with words when they're connected to music. Just shows how much it means to you.” Jared shrugs and Jensen feels it, realizing how close they are again. Without meaning to, he leans into the warmth at his side, leans into Jared. Neither of them move away.
“Getting back into loving it again. ’S the only way I know how to use words.”
Jared snorts, unattractively and loud. The meaning is clear, if Jensen had been good with words otherwise, none of their drama would have happened. They look at each other, mouths twitching and laughter breaks free just a second later. It feels good.
“Good to see y'all getting along.” Danni’s there, arm wrapped around a still half-asleep Sandy. They look good together, more so then before and Jensen’s glad that they have each other. He feels Jared leaning into his side even more, creating space for Danni at the other end of the couch.
There are looks exchanged but no words that follow up. It’s all good, settled now, and Danni seems to understand that.
The girls curl up across from them, dozing and simply enjoying a quiet morning on the road. Jensen goes back to doodling and rearranging words; Jared to watching the world go by. They stay like this for a while. When Jared moves, Jensen only has a second to miss the warmth before Sandy takes his place.
Jensen only huffs a little when the sheet is pulled from under his pen, crude black lines left behind and almost end up on the table. Jared grins, placing a plate of French toast under Jensen’s nose instead. It’s small talk through breakfast, Jared settled against Jensen’s other side now. How they ended up squished together on only one couch is anyone’s guess but Jensen sort of likes it. He feels good, at home, for the first time in a while.
He’s not going to lose this. He’s just not.
“Did you ever get to do your own songs on Idol?” Sandy asks - leafing through the sheets of music from last night - around a mouthful of yogurt which is something Jensen really doesn’t want to see when he's eating. Danni just looks fondly at her, and Jensen can only just keep himself from rolling his eyes. He looks at Jared instead, before realize he might not look so much different.
“No. They didn’t want that. Was okay though, I had a good time.” Jared’s lost the melancholic edge to his voice when he speaks about it. Jensen’s heard it before, but now it sounds like Jared’s made his peace with that part of his life. He’s not the washed up ex-Idol contestant Jensen thought him to be before. Far from it.
“You know, I dreamed of this. Being on tour. I thought maybe Idol would help me get that. But then I just didn't want to be on stage anymore. I like being on the road. I like writing more. Idol was an experience and I liked it. Even if it didn’t get me much in the end."
“Got’ya this gig here,” Jensen says, grins when everyone looks at him.
“Right. ‘Cause being your slave was totally my goal in life,” Jared grumbles, though he's grinning.
“Well, I’m a good master,” Jensen deadpans with wink that makes Jared laugh out loud and Sandy choke on her milk. Danni just grins, understanding in her eyes, happy for him.
“Good morning, boy and girls. Jenny.” Mike flops down right on top of Jensen. And Jensen will forever deny the squeal or his inability to free himself. He’ll also always insist people remember the fact that Jared choked on his laughter instead of coming to his rescue. Jensen grunts, then sighs and gives up his struggles. Jared just pats him on the head.
An hour later, after Mike scared the shit out of Chris by pounding on the bathroom door, and after Chris cursed up a storm, the bus is closing in on their destination for the day. Jensen doesn’t even know which state they're in anymore. He gets up, needs to get some things from his bunk and actually wants to sneak in a quick smoke. He’s standing on wobbly legs having sat on them for too long when a second later he finds himself sprawled on Jared’s lap.
The turn the bus took was unexpected, but Jared’s heated look is even more. They're so close, noses almost touching, eyes focused to an extent Jensen has to blink to keep them from crossing. Jared’s hands on Jensen’s hip keep him from crashing to the floor or the table behind him. Jensen’s clutching strong shoulders, fingers twisted into soft fabric, feeling hard muscles underneath.
Jensen breathes in, deep and controlled, feeling a little light-headed now. Jared smells fresh, like the lemon shampoo Chris mocked him about so often, a little musk mixed in, and something uniquely Jared underlining it. It’s a heady mixture and Jensen wants to taste it. Jensen finds himself moving closer, heart skipping and fingers sweaty. He knows what will happen now, wants it to. Needs it to.
The yelp surprises not only him but Jared as well, who almost dumps Jensen on the floor, despite his best attempts at avoiding it. Jensen manages to barely get his feet under him before he hits the edge of the table. His head hurts from the smack and he turns to glare at Mike.
“What the fuck?”
“We're here. Wherever here is. But hey, hotel room waiting for you, go on and continue being deviant. It’s a nice hotel room, with a bed.” Mike doesn’t even look guilty and Jensen huffs. He thinks that guy is just unbelievable sometimes.
Danni’s groan is very audible as is Jared’s stifled laugh. Jared’s still holding on to Jensen.
“Way to destroy the mood, Rose,” Jensen grumps, then blushes when the bus stops abruptly and Jensen finds himself in the exact same place from which he was so rudely extracted just a minute ago.
No one even tries to hold back their laughter. Jensen hates his life and the bus for all of a second, then just sighs and lets himself sink against Jared again.
Thanksgiving's just a week away and they're in California. The beach is close and Jensen can’t resist taking off and settling down on the warm sand. No show that evening means time to relax, to think, to spend with Jared.
Cigarette between his lips, stolen from the hidden stash he managed to save from Jared’s last raid, Jensen shifts in the sand and flips through his notebook to where he’s working on yet another sketch.
Some friends of theirs in the area dragged them to a party, a bonfire, on the beach. It’s still going, people are milling around and Jensen enjoys the feeling of getting away, but not being alone. He sits, taking in the laughter and sounds of guitars, along with the party still going on. He sees the scene, the people, and hears the words, in his mind. He sees Jared dancing with Sandy, keeping her away from grabby hands and sleazy surfer guys. He sees Mike and Chris trying to feed Steve some S'mores. And he sees Danni, sitting at the fire, lost in thought and smiling at Sandy, camera ready as always.
The pen scratching over the paper wakes him up a little. He looks down and sees the words and knows music that'll fit for them. Fast, pounding beats, slow intro, hard guitars and drums following. He hears Danni’s voice clear and bright.
That girl was hot
And ready to go
She's a mess from her heavy metal
And it's alright
Yeah that's alright
Falling into lost
Jensen smiles, writes on and doesn’t need to watch the party anymore to have the words flowing. It’s more elation and relief than anything else that makes him laugh out loud when he sees the second verse and chorus on the page.
This music is them, the new Benders - still bending the world to their dreams, only new ones now - and he’ll do everything to keep the feeling that's taken up residence inside of him. It’s right and it feels good because it's something he’s missed for way too long.
Quantum of ten
My friends's going gods
And it happens again
But it's alright
This is my kind
I'm running through the street
My hits in the air
This city is rock
We're not in Bel Air
And it's alright
This is my kind
Oh what a night
I guess you're ready for the show
(live where be free again)
Oh what a night
I guess you get to let me go
(live where be innocence)
"Oh what a Night"
“Can I join you?” The question surprises him and he looks up to see Jared standing there, hands in his pockets and toes curling in the still warm sand.
“Sure.” He’s so lost in his thoughts again a second later that he doesn’t feel Jared moving closer, almost jumps at the hand on his shoulder and smiles when Jared doesn’t take it away.
“Sorry, lost in thoughts,” Jensen mutters, but not really sure what he’s supposed to do now.
“Can I see?” Jared points at the notebook and Jensen doesn’t even think about not handing it over, just slides it into Jared’s hands and waits. He sees Jared’s lips moving and realizes that he’s trying to sing it. He suddenly smiles when Jared nods and just says, “Gotta be a fast beat. Real fast and pumping.”
“Yeah. I had the music before the words. Just saw the party, you guys, and it was all there.” He's missing the words again, the ones that'll say what he really means.
“I get it.” Jared smiles and the shine of the fire is reflected in his eyes. He looks gorgeous like that, peaceful and relaxed.
“I have some words. Do you mind?” Jared gestures to the lyrics that aren’t finished and Jensen simply nods.
“Worked so well last time, didn’t it?” Jensen knows how it sounds and hopes that Jared doesn’t hear the sarcasm that isn’t even there.
“Yeah, yeah it did.”
Jared takes the pen and writes. Jensen is fascinated by the ink staining the white paper and doesn’t read the words at first. When he does, he can hear it already. They fit the rest of the song, just like it's meant to be.
… We're running down the fields
Ravens in air
You wanna free world everywhere
And it's alright
cos we are blind
Oh what a night
I guess you're ready for the show
(live where be free again)
Oh what a night
I guess you got to let me go
(live where be innocence
Jared goes with the chorus Jensen’s settled on, adds bridges and verses like it’s no hard thing to do, making it seem so effortless that Jensen's a little stunned. The words flow and the song is suddenly alive.
Jensen longs for a guitar, for something to strum a tune on, to catch what’s on his mind right now. Instead he hums. Hums the song and grins when Jared joins in. It’s hard and fast, just the beat he wanted for it. It fits and the song is perfect for such a night.
It doesn’t take long for them to have company, people gathering around them, leaving the fires. Some recognize him, some don’t. It doesn’t matter. Not here. It’s a strange mix of people but it fits and Jensen suddenly feels all right with not being on his own anymore.
They sing and jam and when Chris joins them with his guitar, everything's just as perfect, voices blending together and lyrics changing. They're creating their own show, their own performance, right there on the beach.
Jared’s close, arms touching Jensen and then he slings them around Jensen when it’s Danni and Sandy singing and they're just listening. Jared's lips tickle against Jensen's ear when Jared starts to sing along again and Jensen settles against him. He feels safe, feels right and content, so he doesn’t move and doesn’t blink when those lips kiss his skin.
Jensen doesn’t shiver, not once, but he turns his head and kisses Jared. Right there on the beach with everyone watching and everyone cheering. Jensen's suddenly tired of holding back.
Jared drags him to the bus instead of the hotel, sounds from the beach loud and clear where it’s parked. There are thrumming beats now, music to move to. And they do.
Jared’s got the keys ready, stops to kiss Jensen against the door and to bring their bodies close. Jensen doesn’t even try to keep the moan in, submits to Jared’s wandering hands and loves the feel of them on his skin. It’s not too cold but Jensen doesn’t need it to be a public show.
Jared fumbles the door open, Jensen pressed against his back, hands never staying still.
“How’d you manage to get the keys?” His whispers against Jared’s skin.
“Bribed Steve with a bottle of Moet and the promise not to ruin his bus.” Jared grins at him, turns so that he’s behind Jensen and pushes gently. Jensen stumbles onto the bus, grinning and feeling giddy. They're dancing. Moving with each other, hands on heated skin beneath shirts and waistbands.
“God Jensen… I just… I wanna be close to you right now. That okay?”
Soft lips seek contact and Jensen turns his head just so. They slide across his neck, soft nibs and licks that make Jensen wonder why he denied himself for so long. He knows what Jared is asking, just them being close, nothing more and nothing less. They need it.
“Perfectly okay with me,” Jensen feels his voice rumble and his hip twitch, rock against Jared’s. It’s like a revelation just there, this thing between them couldn’t go anywhere else but here, they only took the less traveled way. Jensen smiles, moves into claim Jared’s lips again. He can do that now, is allowed to.
“Wanted you that first night. So bad. And then you were gone. Gotta dance with you now, until the end. Had such a crush on you, still have,” Jared sounds wrecked, it makes Jensen knees go week.
And it really feels so much like their first night. The words are there again, so overwhelming that Jensen can’t help but sing to Jared. The song, the result of that one night. Jared smiles, wide and happy, like he’s finally where he wants to be, where he belongs. Jensen knows the feeling, because it’s right there inside of him as well.
“Again, Jen. Sing it again.” Jared whispers, chest close to Jensen, hands on his hips,. They're moving to a beat only they can hear. Jensen sings it again. It feels like coming home now, feels like the words where there just for them. And then, suddenly, Jensen knows why.
“I’m in love with you.”
Jared's hazel eyes, ablaze with want, meet his, making him swallow and freeze. There's so much he could do, should do, but nothing seems as important as moving closer to Jared. He needs to be closer, more than ever before. Needs to feel Jared and the urge is so strong that he feel likes drowning. He starts to whisper the words, the lyrics all over again, humming them. For Jared.
Oh, you’re all I taste, at night inside of my mouth
Oh, you run away, cause I am not what you found
Oh, you’re in my veins, and I cannot get you out
No, i cannot get you out
No, i cannot get you out...
Oh no, I cannot get you...
The want and need in Jared’s eyes is drawing him in - the way Jared looks at him without saying a word, Jensen doesn’t think he can fight it. He doesn’t want to fight it.
There’s a moment when they just look at each other, don’t move, don’t say a word. They just look, take each other in and try to understand what's happening. The beats from the beach are still cruising through Jensen, in waves and sparks. And then they dance again, stumbling and swaying along with the music from the beach. They lose their clothes along the way, move to the couch and Jensen feels new words already forming in his mind.
“My muse,” slips out and Jensen blinks, doesn’t stop moving but searches Jared’s face for some kind of reaction. Jared kisses him. Soft and slow, still moving in dance-like patterns, lowering Jensen down to the couch.
“I know,” Jared whispers against his mouth. “Glad I am.”
Jensen smiles as Jared slides over him. Jared whimpers when his fingers touch skin and Jensen just closes his eyes. They’re so close now that Jensen can feel Jared’s breath on his skin. Their lips crash together with a force that makes Jensen’s breath catch in the back of his throat. They fit like this, squashed together in an impossibly tight space but still moving freely and almost in sync. Jensen loves it. He loves the feel of Jared against him.
It shouldn’t surprise him how well they fit together. It does though, and that makes him moan out loud. Jared’s hand flies to his mouth, covers it gently and then presses a little tighter when Jared starts sucking at his neck. Jensen can’t help but moan. It’s hot. So very hot.
Jared's moving against him like he did in that night. The night that will always be the beginning of something new for Jensen. There are words on his mind again but he can’t say a single one of them because he's too occupied with Jared being so close. They move and writhe, tangling together in a heap that shouldn’t be possible on such a small surface.
He needs this so badly that he doesn’t even care when Jared’s silencing him with hard kisses. Jared’s stealing his air and Jensen loves it. His chest feels too tight, like it needs to expand but can’t. Jared’s on top of him, grinding, making sounds Jensen can only repeat. They moan into their mouths, clench fingers together and aren’t letting go. Jensen couldn't, even if he wanted to. He’s never letting go again.
There’s just skin on skin and Jensen wants to crawl into Jared, wants to feel everything of him. Jared’s heartbeat thunders under his fingers where he’s clutching Jared’s waist hard.
“God, Jen … Jensen.” Jared’s mouth moving along his cheekbone now, little nips and kisses, hands grabbing, clutching; legs entwining. Jensen needs so much right now, want thrumming through him, lust giving away into something more, something deeper.
“Jared … Jared.” It’s all he needs to say for Jared to smile, bright and knowing.
Jared starts to spread him out, right there on the couch. They never stop kissing, never stop touching. Jensen’s not willing to let go, even if Jared needs room to move. Jensen allows himself to shudder, to tremble at the sight above him. Powerful, strong Jared, so close and desperate. It spikes something inside of Jensen, makes him roll his hips and smirk at the groan Jared can’t suppress.
Jared retaliates, bites just hard enough to make Jensen arch into it, to make this all the more about want, lust and desperate desire. Almost unconsciously, Jensen spreads his legs further, letting Jared settle even closer.
The fabric of the couch feels smooth against his naked skin, makes him writhe just a fraction more, and it's enough to bring him ever closer to Jared. Jensen almost hurts with want now, can’t wait any longer. He needs Jared to move more, to just do something. He feels hot and sweaty, like Jared’s holding back to tease and he doesn’t want that, can’t stand it.
“Jared … come on. Come on, please...” He needs more. He needs Jared. And then Jared’s right there, moving and bringing their cocks together in hard thrusts.
Heat shoots through him, muscles twitching and straining but then Jared’s mouth is on his neck again. Sucking blood to the surface, making him dizzy and leaves him moaning. Jared's fingers scrape along his side, his other hand tugging at Jensen's hair, tugging so much that it almost hurts. Jensen's mind's clouded with lust, his hands grabbing and pushing. Then Jared's touching him again, hand soothing gently over scratches. His lips smoothing over bites and nips, then crashing their mouth together when they can't stop being apart any longer.
Jensen arches away from the couch and up, toward Jared, meets him halfway through a thrust and groans out loud. The wave builds inside of him. All he can think is how he needs to come. How he needs the friction, to lose himself against Jared.
With a bite against his neck and a vicious twist of Jared’s hips, it crashes through him. White and hot, almost painful.
They ride it out, still hard and fast, rhythm never faltering. Then he feels Jared’s nose poking him in the cheek and smiles. Jensen doesn’t really know what to say, so he keeps quiet. It’s Jared who breaks the silence and Jensen shouldn’t really be as surprised about that as it seems he is.
“We needed that?” Jared mumbles against his neck, moving until they're both spread out on the couch, but still wrapped around each other.
“Guess so,” he replies.
Jared snorts, but moves closer. He kisses Jensen deep and thorough leaving Jensen feeling sated. He hasn’t had such an intense make out session in years and knows he won’t let go of Jared for quiet a while.
“Might be in love with you, too. Just so you know,” Jared’s words seem to float but the reach Jensen just fine.
When Jared pulls a blanket over them and doesn’t move from the couch, Jensen doesn’t say anything. He’s already asleep, plastered against Jared with a small smile on his lips. He doesn’t care if anyone finds them like this.
They're on stage. A club again and this time Jensen loves it. Danni’s voice is clear and carries far. Sandy dances around so freely that Jensen's slightly afraid she’ll jump off stage any second now. Mike drums away, is in his own little world, just like Chris, who takes the guitar music to higher places.
Jensen finds he's feeling the same as his band: free, elated, and like a burden's been taken off his shoulders. And that last bit t in more ways than one. He sees Jared at the edge of the stage, tight jeans and even tighter t-shirt, smiling and moving to the beat.
It’s a sight Jensen savors and keeps his eyes focused on. His guitar doesn’t weigh a ton anymore and he plays with the lyrics, keeps Danni on her toes and laughs when she almost growls into the mic. It’s the most fun they've had in years and Jensen loves it, finally. This is how it’s supposed to be and how they’ll do it from now. He feels himself getting lost in the music, feeling it seep into his body and take over. He’s the song now and he doesn’t want to lose that feeling ever again.
They made a decision last night. Right there on the beach. They aren’t with the label anymore, told them to go fuck themselves (Mike's words) this morning. Over the phone. The label didn’t deserve anything else. It’s like a weight dropped from Jensen’s shoulders, more so than it did with the new song they submitted.
The tightness in his chest slowly abates and when he thinks of the future, it only stings a little. There’s uncertainty, but he won’t lose everything over it, he doesn’t feel like it could happen now.
They've promised to end the booked tour like the contract states, but then it'll be just clubs, at least for a while. Then it will be just them. They’ll have the chance to start something new, their own thing, from scratch.
Jensen’s looking forward to it.
Danni’s poke in his ribs snaps him back to the present and the fact that he’s singing Jared’s song without realizing it. Danni grins and Jensen hears the band play along and the crowd going wild. He sings it with his heart and knows Jared can tell.
This is them, now. They're free and playing the way they're supposed to play. Jared's there as well and Jensen knows there's no better place in the world -- except this stage, with everyone around him feeling the same.
There's comfortable illusion,
To hide reality,
And shame for those who believe,
In things they cannot see,
I cant see the wind blow,
But I can feel the breeze,
Its coming through my window,
Its moving all around me,
And I cant see the Hand no,
That pulls me to my knees,
But when I meet my shadow
I see gravity
EPILOGUE
The tires thump-thump beneath the bus, warm asphalt making the sound seems softer. The sun’s high up in the sky and the earth around them is brown, dry and baked in the summer air. But the bus is cool, with new air condition and an entirely new interior. Jensen likes it more than the old one. It’s fresh and light, no browns or blacks, but beige and cream instead. It fits their mood, especially on the bus; the laughter, smiles and happiness that's settled around them.
If he had doubts that this would work out, he's sent them all to rest by now. It’s okay to just play smaller venues and to not be on the road constantly. And he finds it's okay to have time to actually be himself, to be Jensen.
The tight feeling in his chest is still there sometimes; worry crashing down on him when things seem too new, too hard to conquer. He’s not alone, never was before, but now it seems easier to let go, to just listen to Jared’s voice calming him down. Sometimes, Jensen can’t believe that Jared’s still there, hasn’t left, gave them a chance to get to know each other.
Their gigs are booked and sold out. The new record on the way up in the charts, from ten to two in just one week. It’s so much better than it has been during the last few years.
They've all changed, so it was about time to change their way of expression as well. Jensen never thought, never even really hoped, that the songs would work out so well. But it turned out that they're exactly what the band needed to bring them back into the spotlight. New ideas, new songs, and now new fans.
Their own small label is flourishing under JD’s careful tutelage and Mike’s thorough artist scouting. It’s more work and fighting than they thought it'd be, but at the same time it's fun because they want to do it. They want it and they love it.
They all have their side projects as well, which means they don’t live only for the band anymore. They make time where they need it, something they’ve neglected for way too long. Which seems to have a positive effect on all of them; their work, their lives and the band.
Sandy's happy with the dance school, creating new moves and choreographies for the bands under contract and has earned herself a name in less than a year. Danni's so proud of her sometimes that she forgets that her photographs were the ones spreading the word. Danni’s pictures of the band on tour: of Jensen and Jared backstage, Mike painting and Sandy dancing, and of Chris and Steve jamming away; have made them immortal, if only for themselves to remember.
Jensen smiles when he thinks of the future, smiles at the thought that he won’t be alone. And at the fact that he’s far from breaking down now. Jared’s a real song writer, with contracts left and right, mostly doing work for the band’s own label but branching out from time to time. His lyrics flow and Jensen can write music to them that lifts them up to a whole new level.
The new label is Jensen’s thing and he never thought it would be. He loves producing and the fact that he can help other artists along. He likes that he can still be the singer, the rock star he wants to be, at the same time.
This is more the life he imagined when he dreamed of being famous and an important person; someone people listen to. He has a name, influence and has vowed to use it differently than their old management and record company did. He never wants to be the one killing creativity where and when it’s most needed. He never wants to be the one responsible for causing unbearable pressure and failing careers.
Sure, people still laugh about his ideas, tell him that he’s too idealistic and that it’ll never work in the long wrong. But he doesn't let that bother him anymore. Because it does work and if the business gets too harsh or too old, he’ll leave, like he’s promised Jared.
Jared snuffles in his sleep, blows warm air against Jensen’s skin and doesn’t let go of Jensen’s t-shirt where his hand is buried in it. It’s a sweet sight and Jensen feels the weird urge to aww at it, but suppresses it at the last second.
Jared lies sprawled on the couch in the living area, sprawled right over Jensen, like he always does these days. And Jensen wouldn't want it any other way. They've come a long way from dancing together, from only writing songs. And those songs turned into hits, while they were learning to be together.
Jared kisses his neck and licks a wet stripe onto his skin.
“Dude!” Jensen can’t help but laugh.
“You’re thinking too much again. ‘S not good, wanna sleep and you’re too loud,” Jared mumbles, tickling Jensen’s skin again and sighs when Jensen pulls him a little closer.
“Sorry.”
“’S okay. “
Jared flings his arm out, reaches over Jensen and grabs the remote to the stereo. It’s not the CD player, like usual but the radio that clicks on. Mike has taken up the habit of searching for the most atrocious stations he can find wherever they are. This time, though, the song that filters through the speakers is one he knows all to well. And he grins.
“Happy Number One, Jen," Jared says, then simply kisses him, preventing any kind of comeback. Both make Jensen speechless anyway. The kiss is languid and gentle, but still passionate. Jared’s kisses make Jensen mindless in a very good way.
They lose themselves in each other, to the hard beats and lyrics of “The Benders” first number one single in five years. Jensen’s tenth, Jared’s first. “Oh What a Night” fills the bus and sets the theme for the evening.
Oh what a night
I guess you're ready for the show
(live where be free again)
Oh what a night
I guess you get to let me go
The End
Please leave comments
***
Masterpost + Soundtrack