(no subject)
Title: Untitled Part 1
Author: icebear_cw
Fandom: Swim RPF
Pairing: Brendan Hansen/Kosuke Kitajima
Timeline: Olympics 2004
Rating: PG 13
Notes: Christmas story for a friend. I know it's late (very late, but the story was finished months ago, just never posted it here).
This is not betaed, so all faults are mine.
Aaron snorts and he snaps back into reality. Slightly confused he turns.
“What?”
“Nothing. Just.. look at that? I mean come on.”
Brendan follows Aaron’s eyes and freezes. That is the last person he wanted to see here. Not that he is still pissed because of the trouble he always seems to bring with. Or that he might be angry for losing to a cheater. No, that are not the reasons. He just does not want to start dealing with his own insecurities, or condition of mind for that matter right now. Not here. Not now. He had done that enough during the last one and a half week. And had come to the decision that this special person would never ever again be able to overwhelm him that much.
The next time he would be prepared. Not that there would be a next time. No way.
Three blow jobs in the locker room, and sex behind one of the apartment buildings in the village was already enough. Not that he was keeping a list or something but that really was nothing he could forget easily. And does repeated kissing count as one time or as already the next time? Shaking his head he turns back to Aaron and asks again. “What?”
“Oh please, look at him. He is parading around as if nothing ever happened. As if he owns the world and put on the greatest performance ever. That’s just so.. hypocritical. And unfair. I mean most of the people here know the truth and it’s just…”
Aaron shrugs, unable to really express his feelings.
Brendan smiles, pats him on the back. “Let it be. Okay? He is just not worth the trouble. And we want to have fun here. Right?” He fixes the other man with a look he hopes transmits reassuring vibes and not the desperation and guilt he is feeling right now. He not only is lying and somehow betraying he best friend, who got into trouble for him but he is betraying himself as well. Aaron blinks for a second, as if trying to decide whether Brendan is nuts or just drunk, but then nods and grins. “Right dude. That buddy is not worth all the shit he put us through. Let’s go and look for Crock.”
An hour later he is trying to hold up Ian while a few feet away Aaron and Jason are snickering about something only they get. He is slightly pissed at them for just dumping Ian on him without attempting to help him in any way. As if he did not want to have any fun. That is the closing ceremony after all.
“Let me get him.” Brendan jumps, looks up startled. He has to blink, it is just a notch too bright for his bleary eyes. Michael grins, takes hold of Ian’s arm, who just groans and is about to slump against whatever solid is in his way.
“You want to take care of Ian? Mike you are as drunk as him.”
“Know that Mooney. Just thought…” The teen is shrugging at him. “Thought I’d help a friend.”
“I am not exactly your friend.”
“Crock is though.” Michael nods as if underlining this for himself. And Ian seems to have the same idea, he winds himself out of Brendan’s grip. A reassuring pat on the back, a slurred “thanks bud” from one third of the famous Trio and a mumbled “I’ll take care” from their most famous of all swimmers and he is standing there alone. Alone in the midst of his team and every other team of these Games.
That is when his eyes find the ones of the person he really had planned to avoid. Which now might be impossible because the other one is looking back at him. No Aaron around to pull him away, to crack a joke with and forget about that moment. No one else is even close enough for him to pull of something which might earn the description “escape”.
And then he gets a slight smile and a nod. That almost does him drop to his knees and pray to whatever God is listening. This is so not fair. Why does it always have to be him falling for such stupid ideas like getting involved with his fiercest opponent? He doesn’t get it and right now he doesn’t want to because he is busy not coming in his jeans.
Elbows in his back, one blink, a turn of his head and when he looks back the Japanese is gone. He has to shake himself; more than twice; to make the feeling of dizziness pass. He blinks again, just to get the focus back and to be able to tell himself that is was just an illusion. That it did not happen at all. Right now he is just not sure what of the things happened should be the illusion, the last week or the moment just a few seconds ago. But he knows. Knows it is still there. In his system like Aaron would say. And he absolutely wants to meat that somebody who said that getting it done would help getting it out of the system. Because really, that is total bullshit. And he wants to tell the twit that having sex is really no way to get it solved.
He jumps. Really jumps when a hand sneaks under his shirt and strokes his lower back. He is frozen to the spot, not daring to turn around. He knows who it is. No one would do that to him, no one would sneak up like that. Except…
“Kosuke.”
“So… This is our last night then?”
The tone is light. Suggestive even. He can hear the smirk. He hates it. Hates it that this is getting him. Brendan turns slowly, blinks. Wants to nod but can’t really bring his muscles to cooperate.
“You were deep in thoughts?”
“Huh..” Nice, no he can’t even speak anymore.
“Isn’t that how you say it? Deep in thoughts?”
“Huh? Oh.. Oh yeah. Was thinking”
“About me?”
He gulps. The hairs on his neck are standing up and he feels the other man. He is close. Too close almost. Suddenly Brendan needs to get away. Away from him. This. Which he can’t explain. Not to himself and not to others. Fingers are trailing his spine, almost rub his overheated skin. Like a promise to what might come later. At the same time they are telling him that it is his decision. He has to decide how the night will go on. Right now he is not sure if he will ever be able to decide anything. He shudders, wishes Kosuke would stop torturing him like that, wishes that Kosuke would not know him that well. And again he wonders why it has to be him of all people. Why not Aaron for God’s sake? He shudders again, this time at his own thought. Kosuke is circling him now, almost as if he knows what’s going inside of Brendan’s head. Kosuke plays with him, has been ever since this has started. Brendan knows that as well. And strangely enough he does not mind that much anymore. Something has grown inside of him. Something he still has to define in a way.
He tries to stop the world from spinning, wills his heartbeat to slow down again. But the hand on his back, the hot breath on his neck does not help at all.
“Have to go. You will miss me B. As I will miss you. And we will meet again. If not tonight than on another occasion. It will be good.”
Like the fingers the voice is full of something. It is more than just a simple promise but still light enough to be open to interpretation. A suggestion again.
A screech next to him and the hand is gone as well as Kosuke. Brendan feels his presence still lingering around somewhere but unseen, unnoticed within the masses of happy athletes. The screech again and this time he looks and almost topples over. Aaron has Mike in a headlock, and their star swimmer is trying to struggle free, turning it into a whole new kind of foreplay. Brendan blinks, shakes his head and wonders why he is thinking of foreplay when he watches Aaron and Mike. And decides that Kosuke has really fucked with his mind. Because, he is sure that he has never thought something like that before, at least not in connection with those two. So it is Kosuke’s fault. Everything is Kosuke’s fault.
“What’s ‘Suke’s fault?”
He jumps. Again.
Ian leans heavily against Jason and eyes him warily.
“Everything. Nothing. Everything.” Brendan shrugs. Jason grins, winks and increases Brendan’s ever-present panic at least a 100 percent. This whole situation is surreal. Even more than the things going through his head. Jason is not a guy who picks up on vibes easily, that’s at least what he thought all the time. So Brendan’s decides to give a fuck about Jason right now.
This is not how it was supposed to go. This night. The Closing ceremony. Hell, even the Games weren’t supposed to go like they apparently had. If they had gone as planned Brendan now wouldn’t desperately trying to get a certain Japanese out of his head.
Jason pats him on the shoulder and goes back to attempting to drag Ian with him. He needs to get out of here, away from all the craziness.
An hour later he sits on the damp grass in front of his apartment in the village. He has been shot out of his room. By Aaron, which is a novelty. He tries not to listen too much. Mostly because he simply does not want to think. Think about what’s going on in that room because it inevitably would lead to him thinking about what he has done.
It is true what everyone says about the Games. The borders and limits are lower than usual and exceptions are made more frequently. He is not sure as what his “thing” would go through. A lower border would mean he had thought about it before. Would probably have done it even without the Games to help him. An exception would mean that it will never happen again. Never. And that was what scared Brendan. He couldn’t decide, couldn’t explain what it was. What it is. In a few hours he will be gone. Back to reality. Back to whatever kind of life he had before. And still not quite the same.
He knows Kosuke will not come to him tonight. He knows he will not go either. But he is content somehow. Kosuke’s words are still echoing in his ears. He looks up just in time to see Jason lean Ian safely against one of the house walls. He smiles when he sits down next to Brendan.
“Got it bad huh?”
Okay, fuck the “not taking on vibes” thingy. He is seriously fucked now. He swears under his breath which makes Jason laugh.
“Am not blind Bren. And well the locker room was not exactly locked.”
He knows how stupid sputtering and denying would be so he doesn’t do it. But turning red he cannot avoid. Deep red. And Jason does not stop smiling. Brendan wants to punch him. Just because he is smiling and not freaking out like he should. Like everybody should about this whole thing. Brendan blinks, he wants to punch Jason for not freaking out? He is fucked up.
“Don’t worry. Am the only one. If he hasn’t told anybody that is.”
Jason pats him again. Which is oddly comforting despite the rising panic in his guts.
“I am not going to make up reason’s why this is a stupid thing to do, because I have seen worse. Okay, let’s say more bizarre things than two guys getting it on in a locker room. Really, man, these are the Olympics. My second. And we had a 15-year-old and several 17-year-olds with us last time. I mean, come on, most of the village is probably getting it on right now. So before you ask, no I am not freaked. And no, I have no idea what that will mean for your future life. The only thing I can say is that if you want to talk I am there.”
Brendan nods, not really able to say anything. Just knowing it is enough right now. Maybe he will talk some day but not now. He smiles a bit at Ian mumbling about Haribos and Hannah. Jason snorts, says something about crazy Germans and is about go back to Ian when he stops.
“I have something for you.”
Brendan takes the slip of paper and frowns. Jason shrugs and grins.
“You know, a lot of things go unnoticed at a Closing Ceremony.” With that he is gone. Back to helping Ian to bed.
It takes him almost an hour before he dares to take a look. And when he does he is just speechless.
******
3 months later
“BRENDAN! Fuck it. Get of the damn internet. I need to make a call.”
Brendan grins, types something into the open messenger window and pats Jack, who is lying at his feet. Aaron has been yelling at him for the last 20 minutes and he has been trying to sign off ever since. But somehow they find new topics to talk about. Which still amazes him even after almost two months of talks like that. It always takes them hours to actually find an end.
They tease each other with the things they have done in Athens. They flirt even, which makes it easier for Brendan to come to terms with what has happened. It took him a months and after he had hit "Send" he had been sick for two days in a row. He still has dreams about Athens, the sex, the kisses. He craves for the touches in nights he lies awake thinking. It had been casual sex, that much was and still is clear. Kosuke had been in game mode.
Right now Brendan wouldn't actually mind a Game-mode-Kosuke. He was horny. Constantly. And the Japanese was his favorite fantasy. Mainly because Brendan actually has something to grasp on, to remember.
Two weeks. That long had it taken to get an answer back. Two weeks in which Brendan had been pending between hope, despair, anger and I-don't-give-a-fuck-attitude. Aaron had been ready to go up the walls by the time Kosuke wrote back and put an end to the whole misery. Ever since then they have developed a kind of pattern. Which now includes a lot of flirting.
Aaron stomps up the stairs and appears in his door for the nth time. Taps his fingers on the door frame.
“Come on Mooney. I really, really need to make a call. My cell is down and he will get pissed again if I don’t call. And.. What the hell are you two talking about anyway? I can’t believe you can say much to him besides that he should stop cheating.”
“Aaron!”
His friend holds up his hands in surrender. “Sorry man. I know… he is not like that. I still don’t get how you got his email addy. And why you kept it… Anyway.. Pleeeeeaaaaasssse, Mooney! I. Need. The. Phone.”
Brendan grins and nods. Types the last words, says goodbye and signs off.
“Okay. There you go.”
“Thanks man.” Aaron is bounding down the stairs again, dialing already. One day he has to tell Aaron why, that much is sure. But he still has to clear a lot of things for himself. He should thank Jason one day as well.
When he hears the slight Californian slur, which still creeps into Aaron’s language whenever he is getting excited Brendan takes out his cell and grins at the blinking message.
He is looking forward to the World Championships.
TBC???
Maybe.
Title: Untitled Interlude I
Author: icebear_cw
Fandom: Swim RPF
Pairing: Brendan Hansen/Kosuke Kitajima, Aaron Peirsol, Ian Crocker
Timeline: May 2005
Rating: PG 13
Notes: This is not betaed, so all faults are mine. Meaningless fluff (in a way), not really important for the story. Just felt like it.
Untitled Interlude
Austin/Texas I
“Did you hear it? Did you read it? Come on, did you?”
Brendan is grinning from ear to ear and it’s hard for him no to bounce. Aaron juts shakes his head but it’s obvious that he is trying to hide a smirk. And Ian… Ian just sits in the sun dreaming.
“Yes Mooney I heard. I read it even. I do have internet now you know.”
Ian looks up from whatever grass leave he was watching and frowns. “Heard what? What did you read besides your surfing mag this time?” Aaron throws a pillow from the garden chairs and the fight is on again. They have been trying to furnish Aaron’s new house for days now and had hoped to be finally finished in a way some when during the weekend.
Brendan sighs, tries not pout at the lack of interest from his friends and sourly trots back into the house.
“I think he is pisssed Ian.”
Ian smirks. “Probably. Man, I think he got it bad.” They both try to hide a grimace. Aaron gets up again and follows Brendan inside. He still has some trouble accepting the new standings concerning his best friend’s love life. But he was trying and no one could say he wasn’t open minded. Still, it was a sore spot between them. One still waiting to be solved.
“Hey, Mooney. Come on, don’t be sour. I know how much it means to you.”
He found Brendan sitting in the kitchen with milk and cookies in front of him.
“Are that Debbie’s?”
Brendan nods and grabs another one.
“She will be happy to hear that you love them so much.”
“You don’t?”
“Uhm… Well.. They are… Fine. Really. I mean.”
Brendan’s giggles interrupt his rant and Aaron feels stupid. “Uhm. Yeah. Hey, so will you go to the meet then?” Aaron silently congrats himself for the smooth topic change even though he sees Brendan’s knowing grin.
“Yep. I will try. I want to see him again and talk. You know from person to person, face to face. Really talking as in moving your mouth and seeing the other one.”
“I think I get the picture Bren.”
Aaron laughs, pats him on the shoulder and looks up when Ian walks in as well.
“Yo guys, found something.” He holds up an old photo book grinning like mad and Aaron just wants to hide under the table just then. Brendan only gets the reason for Aaron blushing when he sees the title of the book.
“Sydney 2000”
Aaron makes a grab for the book but Ian is already flipping through the thick pages. And in the moment Brendan comes up with a very sweet and mocking “Awwww” he wants to smack both of them.
“So we are discussing the sins of my youth instead of Brendan freaking out over Kosuke coming to the States right?”
The petulant “I am not freaking.” and the answering snort that follow does not really stop them from looking through the photos, so Aaron knows he has lost and just gives up trying.
Hours of talking and discussing Michael’s and his strange but somehow normal relationship, or whatever Ian meant in saying that, later Aaron finally is alone in his new home. Only to be interrupted in his own musings by a knock on the door. A second later and Brendan is back in his living room, pacing and looking pale.
“What’s wrong Mooney?”
Brendan stops, looks strangely at him, shrugs and goes back to pacing around.
“Dunno.”
“Kosuke I guess?”
The shrug again. “Ian.. Crock said I should think about a way to approach him after all this time… And I.. I mean things have changed. I think. But if not? If it is still casual.”
Aaron blinks. He isn’t user if he is the right one to talk to. About Kosuke. But then again Brendan is his best friend and he wants to help him. So he leans back into the couch pats the place next to him and thinks about a way how to do this.
“So basically you fear that Kosuke still just wants to.. Uhm.. have you body? And nothing else.”
A small smile catches on the edges of Brendan’s lips.
“You know, you can say sex instead of ‘wanting your body’. I am not that behind anymore A.”
Aaron grins, gently hits Brendan’s arm and shrugs. “Sorry buddy. Okay, but I am right huh?”
The man next to him just nods again.
“So if he really should just want your body… Sorry.. If he really just wants sex from you that would be bad then?”
“Uhm.. Maybe? I mean I have no objects to that but.. Would you please stop making such a face? I am perfectly aware of what you and Ian think. But well… I do care but.. Maybe I want… More? Maybe?”
It was way too serious but Aaron had to suppress a grin at Brendan’s stuttering. Who would have thought that the poster boy for white Middle class America would actually admit being in love with another man. Aaron decided to ignore the fact that this man had to be Kosuke.
“More huh? So more than the flirting you two have had going on for the last months? You know I think Crock is right, you really should think about a way to approach him. But you know what else? I think if the chats are any indication Kosuke might… And I say might, so no guaranty here…so he actually might be on the same page as you are.” This time it is Aaron who shrugs when Brendan shoots him a surprised look.
“Uh.. You think?”
“He might be. Yes. I don’t know. But if I was him and was only wanting your body, I would have waited until the next big meet, would have tried it and would not have such lengthy, hour-long chats and talk with you. You see were I am coming from?”
Brendan just nods but has that goofy grin form earlier plastered on his face again.
“Would you please wait with the bouncing when you are home?”
Brendan laughs, hugs Aaron briefly and almost runs out of the door.
Shaking his head Aaron flops down on the coach, briefly considers going online and decides against it. The real voice was much better than any messenger. Taking out his phone, choosing speed dial he hopes that the other one is alone right now. He exactly knows what he wants.
Jack slowly pats through the room and flops down at his usual place. The feet of his owner, which as always at this hour is abusing his keyboard and does not stop smiling weirdly. Within seconds Jack is asleep.
Brendan briefly looks down, types another three words and laughs out loud when a few seconds later the reply blinks on his screen. Despite his earlier minor panic attack he dared to go online and was now really looking forward to the coming summer. If only it still wouldn’t be months until then.
End interlude I
Author: icebear_cw
Fandom: Swim RPF
Pairing: Brendan Hansen/Kosuke Kitajima
Timeline: Olympics 2004
Rating: PG 13
Notes: Christmas story for a friend. I know it's late (very late, but the story was finished months ago, just never posted it here).
This is not betaed, so all faults are mine.
Aaron snorts and he snaps back into reality. Slightly confused he turns.
“What?”
“Nothing. Just.. look at that? I mean come on.”
Brendan follows Aaron’s eyes and freezes. That is the last person he wanted to see here. Not that he is still pissed because of the trouble he always seems to bring with. Or that he might be angry for losing to a cheater. No, that are not the reasons. He just does not want to start dealing with his own insecurities, or condition of mind for that matter right now. Not here. Not now. He had done that enough during the last one and a half week. And had come to the decision that this special person would never ever again be able to overwhelm him that much.
The next time he would be prepared. Not that there would be a next time. No way.
Three blow jobs in the locker room, and sex behind one of the apartment buildings in the village was already enough. Not that he was keeping a list or something but that really was nothing he could forget easily. And does repeated kissing count as one time or as already the next time? Shaking his head he turns back to Aaron and asks again. “What?”
“Oh please, look at him. He is parading around as if nothing ever happened. As if he owns the world and put on the greatest performance ever. That’s just so.. hypocritical. And unfair. I mean most of the people here know the truth and it’s just…”
Aaron shrugs, unable to really express his feelings.
Brendan smiles, pats him on the back. “Let it be. Okay? He is just not worth the trouble. And we want to have fun here. Right?” He fixes the other man with a look he hopes transmits reassuring vibes and not the desperation and guilt he is feeling right now. He not only is lying and somehow betraying he best friend, who got into trouble for him but he is betraying himself as well. Aaron blinks for a second, as if trying to decide whether Brendan is nuts or just drunk, but then nods and grins. “Right dude. That buddy is not worth all the shit he put us through. Let’s go and look for Crock.”
An hour later he is trying to hold up Ian while a few feet away Aaron and Jason are snickering about something only they get. He is slightly pissed at them for just dumping Ian on him without attempting to help him in any way. As if he did not want to have any fun. That is the closing ceremony after all.
“Let me get him.” Brendan jumps, looks up startled. He has to blink, it is just a notch too bright for his bleary eyes. Michael grins, takes hold of Ian’s arm, who just groans and is about to slump against whatever solid is in his way.
“You want to take care of Ian? Mike you are as drunk as him.”
“Know that Mooney. Just thought…” The teen is shrugging at him. “Thought I’d help a friend.”
“I am not exactly your friend.”
“Crock is though.” Michael nods as if underlining this for himself. And Ian seems to have the same idea, he winds himself out of Brendan’s grip. A reassuring pat on the back, a slurred “thanks bud” from one third of the famous Trio and a mumbled “I’ll take care” from their most famous of all swimmers and he is standing there alone. Alone in the midst of his team and every other team of these Games.
That is when his eyes find the ones of the person he really had planned to avoid. Which now might be impossible because the other one is looking back at him. No Aaron around to pull him away, to crack a joke with and forget about that moment. No one else is even close enough for him to pull of something which might earn the description “escape”.
And then he gets a slight smile and a nod. That almost does him drop to his knees and pray to whatever God is listening. This is so not fair. Why does it always have to be him falling for such stupid ideas like getting involved with his fiercest opponent? He doesn’t get it and right now he doesn’t want to because he is busy not coming in his jeans.
Elbows in his back, one blink, a turn of his head and when he looks back the Japanese is gone. He has to shake himself; more than twice; to make the feeling of dizziness pass. He blinks again, just to get the focus back and to be able to tell himself that is was just an illusion. That it did not happen at all. Right now he is just not sure what of the things happened should be the illusion, the last week or the moment just a few seconds ago. But he knows. Knows it is still there. In his system like Aaron would say. And he absolutely wants to meat that somebody who said that getting it done would help getting it out of the system. Because really, that is total bullshit. And he wants to tell the twit that having sex is really no way to get it solved.
He jumps. Really jumps when a hand sneaks under his shirt and strokes his lower back. He is frozen to the spot, not daring to turn around. He knows who it is. No one would do that to him, no one would sneak up like that. Except…
“Kosuke.”
“So… This is our last night then?”
The tone is light. Suggestive even. He can hear the smirk. He hates it. Hates it that this is getting him. Brendan turns slowly, blinks. Wants to nod but can’t really bring his muscles to cooperate.
“You were deep in thoughts?”
“Huh..” Nice, no he can’t even speak anymore.
“Isn’t that how you say it? Deep in thoughts?”
“Huh? Oh.. Oh yeah. Was thinking”
“About me?”
He gulps. The hairs on his neck are standing up and he feels the other man. He is close. Too close almost. Suddenly Brendan needs to get away. Away from him. This. Which he can’t explain. Not to himself and not to others. Fingers are trailing his spine, almost rub his overheated skin. Like a promise to what might come later. At the same time they are telling him that it is his decision. He has to decide how the night will go on. Right now he is not sure if he will ever be able to decide anything. He shudders, wishes Kosuke would stop torturing him like that, wishes that Kosuke would not know him that well. And again he wonders why it has to be him of all people. Why not Aaron for God’s sake? He shudders again, this time at his own thought. Kosuke is circling him now, almost as if he knows what’s going inside of Brendan’s head. Kosuke plays with him, has been ever since this has started. Brendan knows that as well. And strangely enough he does not mind that much anymore. Something has grown inside of him. Something he still has to define in a way.
He tries to stop the world from spinning, wills his heartbeat to slow down again. But the hand on his back, the hot breath on his neck does not help at all.
“Have to go. You will miss me B. As I will miss you. And we will meet again. If not tonight than on another occasion. It will be good.”
Like the fingers the voice is full of something. It is more than just a simple promise but still light enough to be open to interpretation. A suggestion again.
A screech next to him and the hand is gone as well as Kosuke. Brendan feels his presence still lingering around somewhere but unseen, unnoticed within the masses of happy athletes. The screech again and this time he looks and almost topples over. Aaron has Mike in a headlock, and their star swimmer is trying to struggle free, turning it into a whole new kind of foreplay. Brendan blinks, shakes his head and wonders why he is thinking of foreplay when he watches Aaron and Mike. And decides that Kosuke has really fucked with his mind. Because, he is sure that he has never thought something like that before, at least not in connection with those two. So it is Kosuke’s fault. Everything is Kosuke’s fault.
“What’s ‘Suke’s fault?”
He jumps. Again.
Ian leans heavily against Jason and eyes him warily.
“Everything. Nothing. Everything.” Brendan shrugs. Jason grins, winks and increases Brendan’s ever-present panic at least a 100 percent. This whole situation is surreal. Even more than the things going through his head. Jason is not a guy who picks up on vibes easily, that’s at least what he thought all the time. So Brendan’s decides to give a fuck about Jason right now.
This is not how it was supposed to go. This night. The Closing ceremony. Hell, even the Games weren’t supposed to go like they apparently had. If they had gone as planned Brendan now wouldn’t desperately trying to get a certain Japanese out of his head.
Jason pats him on the shoulder and goes back to attempting to drag Ian with him. He needs to get out of here, away from all the craziness.
An hour later he sits on the damp grass in front of his apartment in the village. He has been shot out of his room. By Aaron, which is a novelty. He tries not to listen too much. Mostly because he simply does not want to think. Think about what’s going on in that room because it inevitably would lead to him thinking about what he has done.
It is true what everyone says about the Games. The borders and limits are lower than usual and exceptions are made more frequently. He is not sure as what his “thing” would go through. A lower border would mean he had thought about it before. Would probably have done it even without the Games to help him. An exception would mean that it will never happen again. Never. And that was what scared Brendan. He couldn’t decide, couldn’t explain what it was. What it is. In a few hours he will be gone. Back to reality. Back to whatever kind of life he had before. And still not quite the same.
He knows Kosuke will not come to him tonight. He knows he will not go either. But he is content somehow. Kosuke’s words are still echoing in his ears. He looks up just in time to see Jason lean Ian safely against one of the house walls. He smiles when he sits down next to Brendan.
“Got it bad huh?”
Okay, fuck the “not taking on vibes” thingy. He is seriously fucked now. He swears under his breath which makes Jason laugh.
“Am not blind Bren. And well the locker room was not exactly locked.”
He knows how stupid sputtering and denying would be so he doesn’t do it. But turning red he cannot avoid. Deep red. And Jason does not stop smiling. Brendan wants to punch him. Just because he is smiling and not freaking out like he should. Like everybody should about this whole thing. Brendan blinks, he wants to punch Jason for not freaking out? He is fucked up.
“Don’t worry. Am the only one. If he hasn’t told anybody that is.”
Jason pats him again. Which is oddly comforting despite the rising panic in his guts.
“I am not going to make up reason’s why this is a stupid thing to do, because I have seen worse. Okay, let’s say more bizarre things than two guys getting it on in a locker room. Really, man, these are the Olympics. My second. And we had a 15-year-old and several 17-year-olds with us last time. I mean, come on, most of the village is probably getting it on right now. So before you ask, no I am not freaked. And no, I have no idea what that will mean for your future life. The only thing I can say is that if you want to talk I am there.”
Brendan nods, not really able to say anything. Just knowing it is enough right now. Maybe he will talk some day but not now. He smiles a bit at Ian mumbling about Haribos and Hannah. Jason snorts, says something about crazy Germans and is about go back to Ian when he stops.
“I have something for you.”
Brendan takes the slip of paper and frowns. Jason shrugs and grins.
“You know, a lot of things go unnoticed at a Closing Ceremony.” With that he is gone. Back to helping Ian to bed.
It takes him almost an hour before he dares to take a look. And when he does he is just speechless.
******
3 months later
“BRENDAN! Fuck it. Get of the damn internet. I need to make a call.”
Brendan grins, types something into the open messenger window and pats Jack, who is lying at his feet. Aaron has been yelling at him for the last 20 minutes and he has been trying to sign off ever since. But somehow they find new topics to talk about. Which still amazes him even after almost two months of talks like that. It always takes them hours to actually find an end.
They tease each other with the things they have done in Athens. They flirt even, which makes it easier for Brendan to come to terms with what has happened. It took him a months and after he had hit "Send" he had been sick for two days in a row. He still has dreams about Athens, the sex, the kisses. He craves for the touches in nights he lies awake thinking. It had been casual sex, that much was and still is clear. Kosuke had been in game mode.
Right now Brendan wouldn't actually mind a Game-mode-Kosuke. He was horny. Constantly. And the Japanese was his favorite fantasy. Mainly because Brendan actually has something to grasp on, to remember.
Two weeks. That long had it taken to get an answer back. Two weeks in which Brendan had been pending between hope, despair, anger and I-don't-give-a-fuck-attitude. Aaron had been ready to go up the walls by the time Kosuke wrote back and put an end to the whole misery. Ever since then they have developed a kind of pattern. Which now includes a lot of flirting.
Aaron stomps up the stairs and appears in his door for the nth time. Taps his fingers on the door frame.
“Come on Mooney. I really, really need to make a call. My cell is down and he will get pissed again if I don’t call. And.. What the hell are you two talking about anyway? I can’t believe you can say much to him besides that he should stop cheating.”
“Aaron!”
His friend holds up his hands in surrender. “Sorry man. I know… he is not like that. I still don’t get how you got his email addy. And why you kept it… Anyway.. Pleeeeeaaaaasssse, Mooney! I. Need. The. Phone.”
Brendan grins and nods. Types the last words, says goodbye and signs off.
“Okay. There you go.”
“Thanks man.” Aaron is bounding down the stairs again, dialing already. One day he has to tell Aaron why, that much is sure. But he still has to clear a lot of things for himself. He should thank Jason one day as well.
When he hears the slight Californian slur, which still creeps into Aaron’s language whenever he is getting excited Brendan takes out his cell and grins at the blinking message.
He is looking forward to the World Championships.
TBC???
Maybe.
Title: Untitled Interlude I
Author: icebear_cw
Fandom: Swim RPF
Pairing: Brendan Hansen/Kosuke Kitajima, Aaron Peirsol, Ian Crocker
Timeline: May 2005
Rating: PG 13
Notes: This is not betaed, so all faults are mine. Meaningless fluff (in a way), not really important for the story. Just felt like it.
Untitled Interlude
Austin/Texas I
“Did you hear it? Did you read it? Come on, did you?”
Brendan is grinning from ear to ear and it’s hard for him no to bounce. Aaron juts shakes his head but it’s obvious that he is trying to hide a smirk. And Ian… Ian just sits in the sun dreaming.
“Yes Mooney I heard. I read it even. I do have internet now you know.”
Ian looks up from whatever grass leave he was watching and frowns. “Heard what? What did you read besides your surfing mag this time?” Aaron throws a pillow from the garden chairs and the fight is on again. They have been trying to furnish Aaron’s new house for days now and had hoped to be finally finished in a way some when during the weekend.
Brendan sighs, tries not pout at the lack of interest from his friends and sourly trots back into the house.
“I think he is pisssed Ian.”
Ian smirks. “Probably. Man, I think he got it bad.” They both try to hide a grimace. Aaron gets up again and follows Brendan inside. He still has some trouble accepting the new standings concerning his best friend’s love life. But he was trying and no one could say he wasn’t open minded. Still, it was a sore spot between them. One still waiting to be solved.
“Hey, Mooney. Come on, don’t be sour. I know how much it means to you.”
He found Brendan sitting in the kitchen with milk and cookies in front of him.
“Are that Debbie’s?”
Brendan nods and grabs another one.
“She will be happy to hear that you love them so much.”
“You don’t?”
“Uhm… Well.. They are… Fine. Really. I mean.”
Brendan’s giggles interrupt his rant and Aaron feels stupid. “Uhm. Yeah. Hey, so will you go to the meet then?” Aaron silently congrats himself for the smooth topic change even though he sees Brendan’s knowing grin.
“Yep. I will try. I want to see him again and talk. You know from person to person, face to face. Really talking as in moving your mouth and seeing the other one.”
“I think I get the picture Bren.”
Aaron laughs, pats him on the shoulder and looks up when Ian walks in as well.
“Yo guys, found something.” He holds up an old photo book grinning like mad and Aaron just wants to hide under the table just then. Brendan only gets the reason for Aaron blushing when he sees the title of the book.
“Sydney 2000”
Aaron makes a grab for the book but Ian is already flipping through the thick pages. And in the moment Brendan comes up with a very sweet and mocking “Awwww” he wants to smack both of them.
“So we are discussing the sins of my youth instead of Brendan freaking out over Kosuke coming to the States right?”
The petulant “I am not freaking.” and the answering snort that follow does not really stop them from looking through the photos, so Aaron knows he has lost and just gives up trying.
Hours of talking and discussing Michael’s and his strange but somehow normal relationship, or whatever Ian meant in saying that, later Aaron finally is alone in his new home. Only to be interrupted in his own musings by a knock on the door. A second later and Brendan is back in his living room, pacing and looking pale.
“What’s wrong Mooney?”
Brendan stops, looks strangely at him, shrugs and goes back to pacing around.
“Dunno.”
“Kosuke I guess?”
The shrug again. “Ian.. Crock said I should think about a way to approach him after all this time… And I.. I mean things have changed. I think. But if not? If it is still casual.”
Aaron blinks. He isn’t user if he is the right one to talk to. About Kosuke. But then again Brendan is his best friend and he wants to help him. So he leans back into the couch pats the place next to him and thinks about a way how to do this.
“So basically you fear that Kosuke still just wants to.. Uhm.. have you body? And nothing else.”
A small smile catches on the edges of Brendan’s lips.
“You know, you can say sex instead of ‘wanting your body’. I am not that behind anymore A.”
Aaron grins, gently hits Brendan’s arm and shrugs. “Sorry buddy. Okay, but I am right huh?”
The man next to him just nods again.
“So if he really should just want your body… Sorry.. If he really just wants sex from you that would be bad then?”
“Uhm.. Maybe? I mean I have no objects to that but.. Would you please stop making such a face? I am perfectly aware of what you and Ian think. But well… I do care but.. Maybe I want… More? Maybe?”
It was way too serious but Aaron had to suppress a grin at Brendan’s stuttering. Who would have thought that the poster boy for white Middle class America would actually admit being in love with another man. Aaron decided to ignore the fact that this man had to be Kosuke.
“More huh? So more than the flirting you two have had going on for the last months? You know I think Crock is right, you really should think about a way to approach him. But you know what else? I think if the chats are any indication Kosuke might… And I say might, so no guaranty here…so he actually might be on the same page as you are.” This time it is Aaron who shrugs when Brendan shoots him a surprised look.
“Uh.. You think?”
“He might be. Yes. I don’t know. But if I was him and was only wanting your body, I would have waited until the next big meet, would have tried it and would not have such lengthy, hour-long chats and talk with you. You see were I am coming from?”
Brendan just nods but has that goofy grin form earlier plastered on his face again.
“Would you please wait with the bouncing when you are home?”
Brendan laughs, hugs Aaron briefly and almost runs out of the door.
Shaking his head Aaron flops down on the coach, briefly considers going online and decides against it. The real voice was much better than any messenger. Taking out his phone, choosing speed dial he hopes that the other one is alone right now. He exactly knows what he wants.
Jack slowly pats through the room and flops down at his usual place. The feet of his owner, which as always at this hour is abusing his keyboard and does not stop smiling weirdly. Within seconds Jack is asleep.
Brendan briefly looks down, types another three words and laughs out loud when a few seconds later the reply blinks on his screen. Despite his earlier minor panic attack he dared to go online and was now really looking forward to the coming summer. If only it still wouldn’t be months until then.
End interlude I