Fic: "Gone but not Forgotten", Eliot/Sophie, PG
Fic title: "Gone but not Forgotten"
Author name: the_milky_way
Genre: Leverage
Pairing: Eliot Spencer (hinting at Eliot/Sophie)
Rating: PG
Word Count: ~ 1.800
Beta: Thank you so much A.
Warnings/Spoilers: spoilers for 2.15
Disclaimer: This story is fictional (not real, didn't happen). Not true in any way. I don't own anything. Characters belong to the TNT
Notes:
This is for spiritcrow, who prompted me with this picture for
Gone but not forgotten.
She isn’t there but is omnipresent anyway. It’s like there is a ghost hovering above them, a ghost that lingers and makes things just a tiny but more awkward and tensed. Sometimes he wonders how she does it. How she managed to find her way under all of their skins, into all of their hearts. It’s a feat not easily achieved and he admires her for doing it so thoroughly.
Every time he talks to her, only to see that she is okay, he feels guilty. It’s not like the others aren’t doing it, well except for Nate. But that is because Nate is a moron. He feels guilty because he knows that he is the only one she calls back more often than not, that he is the only who always knows where exactly she is.
Not even Tara seems to be that close to her.
He feels guilty because he is not supposed to have those kinds of secrets anymore but it’s exciting and so very him that he can’t help it. It’s also her, which makes it even harder for him to really regret what he is doing behind everyone’s back.
***
There are times when he thinks he can’t do it anymore. Small moments when things seem to fall apart more than usual, when he isn’t sure why he is there, why he still clings to a thought, a hope that has no use, no permission to live on any longer.
It’s when Nate seems to only be able to function with a glass in his hand, when Hardison hides away behind smart talk and jokes, when Parker sits and just watches and when Tara is so overly present that no one else has room to be. It’s then that he wonders about what they are doing, if it will be the last time they work a job.
It’s then the he misses her the most.
It’s then that he draws back into himself, into sarcasm and fighting stances, into his own world without checking what it might do to people around him. He has never really paid attention to others much, that changed when she came into his life. Now he constantly wonders if people are okay, if he is doing the right thing, if he is actually helping. But in those moments when things aren’t well he doesn’t care.
In these moments he just wants to hear her voice.
He doesn’t know when she became such a crucial part of his life. It might only have taken a few minutes, maybe days or weeks, he can’t tell anymore. It scares him a bit. Scares him because he isn’t used to being so attached to feelings, to a person that is not himself.
He can’t remember the point when all of them became his life.
He tries not to eavesdrop when Hardison connects the screen, when she is there talking to Parker or when he catches Tara speaking quietly on the phone. Every single cadence of her voice touches something that has been buried deep and way down in his soul.
During the times they sit there, all together safe for Nate, talking to her thousands of miles away, he thinks it’s sad that he wants to just tell her to come back. He isn’t even above begging anymore because when he looks around himself, really looks at the team or what is supposed to be a team, he knows that they need her. If only to tell them what pathetic losers they are.
But he doesn’t dare to really beg, doesn’t know what she might say, might do then. He knows he is not as important to her as the team as a whole or as Nate. He knows all this but he still sits there and listens to her accent floating through the speakers, almost as clear as if she was there.
Sometimes, when there is just this little whiff of perfume in the air, when there is a soft breeze touching his arm, he thinks she is back. It’s all just a figment of his imagination. But when he looks around then he sees Hardison frozen in place and Parker sinking back into herself even more.
***
He slowly gets used to Tara. Doesn’t see her as the only real connection to her anymore. Because Tara is good, helps where no one else can, keeps Nate on his toes and away from the edge, something they have been struggling with lately. Tara is tough, a good addition to the team, he has to admit that and he has no bitter thoughts about that after a while.
It still feels wrong in some ways. It still feels like they crossed a line and can never go back to how things were. Never before did he feel like he needed to go back, like he wanted things to be okay again. Never before was there something worth fighting for, never something that wasn't his own life.
Nate seems to be oblivious to them talking to her, but he knows Nate is anything but. He sees the frown when Nate comes back into the room just when Hardison shuts off the screen, sees the lines getting deeper around Nate’s eyes, sees the glass constantly attached to Nate’s hand.
He sees it all and he feels helpless about what to do about it, about how to fix it, make it better again. He doesn’t know when they reached the point of breaking apart again, but they are close and that’s why they all know that they need her back if they want to make it.
They all try to talk her into coming, all of them in their own unique way. He can tell that it’s getting harder for her to stay away every time they ask but there is still a resolution in her eyes he can’t quite understand.
It’s not until Nate really messes up, until he messes up that he regrets not being more persistent.
***
He counts his way through the ship. Every number a man down, an enemy less to look out for. Every number a step closer to getting them out of here, to saving Nate and the team. He counts and it’s, in a very weird way, his safety net. It’s something to concentrate on and get everything else out of his head.
He needs to focus, needs to get away from every thought about Nate and Tara. He hates that he can’t do anything but keep it all together.
When he sees her, with Hardison right next to him, gasping out slightly, he almost goes to his knees out of gratitude. She is here, and she is saving their asses.
Her casual “took you long enough” makes him smile a little and then flinch at the sharp pain going through his split lip. He doesn’t care. It’s pathetic how much he had hoped for her to show, how much he needed to see her.
Things are looking up again.
Looking at Hardison he knows he isn’t the only one thinking it.
***
Only things don’t go as planned. Nothing turns out how he wanted it. Nothing is good in the end.
Yeah Sophie is back. Saved their asses again. Only to make them leave one of their own behind. They left one of the team behind to save themselves and he doesn’t know how to feel about it.
Sure, they did what Nate told them to do but sometimes, and this is one of the times, he wishes he wasn’t so trained on taking orders. This is one of the times he thought going against orders would have been the right thing to do.
Especially with Sterling circling around Nate like a hungry vulture.
The things he sees through the window of the helicopter makes his stomach knot up painfully. It’s something else he is not really used to yet. It hurts to leave Nate behind and even Sophie being there, having come back for them, isn’t helping now. He has never left anyone behind.
The touch of her hand shocks him, makes him jump in a way that hasn’t happened in years. Looking into her eyes he suddenly knows that she can see what he is feeling. There is no pity in her eyes and he is thankful for that. Wouldn’t know how to deal with it otherwise.
He looks back out of the window, swallows hard and tries not to get angry at the sight that greets him. Sterling, all perched over Nate, is something he just can’t stomach after everything.
He is angry at everything and everyone right now. He is angry at Nate for being reckless, angry at himself for not trying harder to get them out, away; angry at Sterling for being there, for messing it up even more. He is just angry, seething silently.
Anger is a thing he can deal with, knows how to get rid of it. Anger is his escape.
Then her hand is back on his but this time she just doesn’t simply touch him, this time she curls her fingers and entwines them with his. This simple touch, just her fingers entwined with his, manages to calm him down.
This is not like him. He doesn’t care what everyone else thinks of him, doesn’t care if he is alone or not. Only that he does care now. He wants to know what she thinks of him, what she sees in him that she actually sits there holding his hand.
The look she gives him is nowhere near the pity he expects it’s soft, yes but not condescending or anything like that. It’s sad and he knows that she thinks about Nate the same way he is thinking about him and maybe more so. He saw the kiss after all.
But then there is something else there, something that goes beyond simple support and friendship. He is momentarily stunned because this is not what he had ever thought he’d see in her eyes. And she knows it, too, the way she tilts her head and lets him look.
She smiles, lets Hardison and Parker talk and babble, doesn’t interrupt them and he knows that now she is really looking at him, that she is seeking as much support from him as he is getting from her.
He squeezes her hand, holds on to it and doesn’t try to analyze why his heart thuds in his chest and why he can’t stop looking at her.
It’s been hovering there for a long time but right now he can admit to himself that she might mean more to him than just a good friend. There is time for thoughts like that but this moment isn’t it.
Eliot leans back against the seat, looks back down onto the ship’s deck and softly tucks her hand closer. Sophie lets him and that’s all he needs right now.
Author name: the_milky_way
Genre: Leverage
Pairing: Eliot Spencer (hinting at Eliot/Sophie)
Rating: PG
Word Count: ~ 1.800
Beta: Thank you so much A.
Warnings/Spoilers: spoilers for 2.15
Disclaimer: This story is fictional (not real, didn't happen). Not true in any way. I don't own anything. Characters belong to the TNT
Notes:
This is for spiritcrow, who prompted me with this picture for
Gone but not forgotten.
She isn’t there but is omnipresent anyway. It’s like there is a ghost hovering above them, a ghost that lingers and makes things just a tiny but more awkward and tensed. Sometimes he wonders how she does it. How she managed to find her way under all of their skins, into all of their hearts. It’s a feat not easily achieved and he admires her for doing it so thoroughly.
Every time he talks to her, only to see that she is okay, he feels guilty. It’s not like the others aren’t doing it, well except for Nate. But that is because Nate is a moron. He feels guilty because he knows that he is the only one she calls back more often than not, that he is the only who always knows where exactly she is.
Not even Tara seems to be that close to her.
He feels guilty because he is not supposed to have those kinds of secrets anymore but it’s exciting and so very him that he can’t help it. It’s also her, which makes it even harder for him to really regret what he is doing behind everyone’s back.
***
There are times when he thinks he can’t do it anymore. Small moments when things seem to fall apart more than usual, when he isn’t sure why he is there, why he still clings to a thought, a hope that has no use, no permission to live on any longer.
It’s when Nate seems to only be able to function with a glass in his hand, when Hardison hides away behind smart talk and jokes, when Parker sits and just watches and when Tara is so overly present that no one else has room to be. It’s then that he wonders about what they are doing, if it will be the last time they work a job.
It’s then the he misses her the most.
It’s then that he draws back into himself, into sarcasm and fighting stances, into his own world without checking what it might do to people around him. He has never really paid attention to others much, that changed when she came into his life. Now he constantly wonders if people are okay, if he is doing the right thing, if he is actually helping. But in those moments when things aren’t well he doesn’t care.
In these moments he just wants to hear her voice.
He doesn’t know when she became such a crucial part of his life. It might only have taken a few minutes, maybe days or weeks, he can’t tell anymore. It scares him a bit. Scares him because he isn’t used to being so attached to feelings, to a person that is not himself.
He can’t remember the point when all of them became his life.
He tries not to eavesdrop when Hardison connects the screen, when she is there talking to Parker or when he catches Tara speaking quietly on the phone. Every single cadence of her voice touches something that has been buried deep and way down in his soul.
During the times they sit there, all together safe for Nate, talking to her thousands of miles away, he thinks it’s sad that he wants to just tell her to come back. He isn’t even above begging anymore because when he looks around himself, really looks at the team or what is supposed to be a team, he knows that they need her. If only to tell them what pathetic losers they are.
But he doesn’t dare to really beg, doesn’t know what she might say, might do then. He knows he is not as important to her as the team as a whole or as Nate. He knows all this but he still sits there and listens to her accent floating through the speakers, almost as clear as if she was there.
Sometimes, when there is just this little whiff of perfume in the air, when there is a soft breeze touching his arm, he thinks she is back. It’s all just a figment of his imagination. But when he looks around then he sees Hardison frozen in place and Parker sinking back into herself even more.
***
He slowly gets used to Tara. Doesn’t see her as the only real connection to her anymore. Because Tara is good, helps where no one else can, keeps Nate on his toes and away from the edge, something they have been struggling with lately. Tara is tough, a good addition to the team, he has to admit that and he has no bitter thoughts about that after a while.
It still feels wrong in some ways. It still feels like they crossed a line and can never go back to how things were. Never before did he feel like he needed to go back, like he wanted things to be okay again. Never before was there something worth fighting for, never something that wasn't his own life.
Nate seems to be oblivious to them talking to her, but he knows Nate is anything but. He sees the frown when Nate comes back into the room just when Hardison shuts off the screen, sees the lines getting deeper around Nate’s eyes, sees the glass constantly attached to Nate’s hand.
He sees it all and he feels helpless about what to do about it, about how to fix it, make it better again. He doesn’t know when they reached the point of breaking apart again, but they are close and that’s why they all know that they need her back if they want to make it.
They all try to talk her into coming, all of them in their own unique way. He can tell that it’s getting harder for her to stay away every time they ask but there is still a resolution in her eyes he can’t quite understand.
It’s not until Nate really messes up, until he messes up that he regrets not being more persistent.
***
He counts his way through the ship. Every number a man down, an enemy less to look out for. Every number a step closer to getting them out of here, to saving Nate and the team. He counts and it’s, in a very weird way, his safety net. It’s something to concentrate on and get everything else out of his head.
He needs to focus, needs to get away from every thought about Nate and Tara. He hates that he can’t do anything but keep it all together.
When he sees her, with Hardison right next to him, gasping out slightly, he almost goes to his knees out of gratitude. She is here, and she is saving their asses.
Her casual “took you long enough” makes him smile a little and then flinch at the sharp pain going through his split lip. He doesn’t care. It’s pathetic how much he had hoped for her to show, how much he needed to see her.
Things are looking up again.
Looking at Hardison he knows he isn’t the only one thinking it.
***
Only things don’t go as planned. Nothing turns out how he wanted it. Nothing is good in the end.
Yeah Sophie is back. Saved their asses again. Only to make them leave one of their own behind. They left one of the team behind to save themselves and he doesn’t know how to feel about it.
Sure, they did what Nate told them to do but sometimes, and this is one of the times, he wishes he wasn’t so trained on taking orders. This is one of the times he thought going against orders would have been the right thing to do.
Especially with Sterling circling around Nate like a hungry vulture.
The things he sees through the window of the helicopter makes his stomach knot up painfully. It’s something else he is not really used to yet. It hurts to leave Nate behind and even Sophie being there, having come back for them, isn’t helping now. He has never left anyone behind.
The touch of her hand shocks him, makes him jump in a way that hasn’t happened in years. Looking into her eyes he suddenly knows that she can see what he is feeling. There is no pity in her eyes and he is thankful for that. Wouldn’t know how to deal with it otherwise.
He looks back out of the window, swallows hard and tries not to get angry at the sight that greets him. Sterling, all perched over Nate, is something he just can’t stomach after everything.
He is angry at everything and everyone right now. He is angry at Nate for being reckless, angry at himself for not trying harder to get them out, away; angry at Sterling for being there, for messing it up even more. He is just angry, seething silently.
Anger is a thing he can deal with, knows how to get rid of it. Anger is his escape.
Then her hand is back on his but this time she just doesn’t simply touch him, this time she curls her fingers and entwines them with his. This simple touch, just her fingers entwined with his, manages to calm him down.
This is not like him. He doesn’t care what everyone else thinks of him, doesn’t care if he is alone or not. Only that he does care now. He wants to know what she thinks of him, what she sees in him that she actually sits there holding his hand.
The look she gives him is nowhere near the pity he expects it’s soft, yes but not condescending or anything like that. It’s sad and he knows that she thinks about Nate the same way he is thinking about him and maybe more so. He saw the kiss after all.
But then there is something else there, something that goes beyond simple support and friendship. He is momentarily stunned because this is not what he had ever thought he’d see in her eyes. And she knows it, too, the way she tilts her head and lets him look.
She smiles, lets Hardison and Parker talk and babble, doesn’t interrupt them and he knows that now she is really looking at him, that she is seeking as much support from him as he is getting from her.
He squeezes her hand, holds on to it and doesn’t try to analyze why his heart thuds in his chest and why he can’t stop looking at her.
It’s been hovering there for a long time but right now he can admit to himself that she might mean more to him than just a good friend. There is time for thoughts like that but this moment isn’t it.
Eliot leans back against the seat, looks back down onto the ship’s deck and softly tucks her hand closer. Sophie lets him and that’s all he needs right now.