CM: BigBang 2011
Chapter 12
They slept in late to profiler´s standards. Aaron woke up to the sound of Spencer showering just before eight thirty am and discovered he´d already made coffee. He hoped Spencer had only had one cup but was grateful for the hot liquid.
“Hi,” Spencer greeted shyly as he entered the kitchen with a damp hair sticking in all directions.
“Hey, feeling better?” Aaron replied and watched as Spencer put five spoons of sugar into his coffee.
“Yeah, sorry about that.” Spencer didn´t even look at him.
Aaron waited; he knew if he gave Spencer time to collect his words Aaron would very likely get the full story. He got lucky.
“The doctors can´t find anything wrong,” Spencer started and slowly turned around, facing him. “They say it´s psychosomatic, but… I´m not crazy.” Spencer looked at him fearful.
“I know you´re not,” Aaron told him firmly and met his eyes to show him he wasn´t lying. He understood why Spencer´s mind would immediately go to mental illness.
Spencer looked down, visibly relaxing. Aaron wondered how he could get Spencer to see beyond his fear.
“If you take the psychosomatic disorder out, what is the main cause of migraines?” Aaron asked and regarded the genius as he thought.
“Stress, but that doesn´t apply either,” Spencer told him.
Aaron frowned, wondering if Reid was really that naïve. “Reid, our jobs are stressful. The pressure of solving cases in time can sometimes be unbearable. And when we don´t the disappointment only adds to the stress.
“I can do my job,” Spencer said defensively.
“I´m not saying you can´t, but I need you to recognize what might be the underlying cause for your migraines,” Aaron said gently. Spencer´s look as he stared at him was desperate and Aaron hated it. Neither spoke for the longest time. “At least think about it,” Aaron said and retreated to his bedroom.
For a few hours Aaron concentrated on making phone-calls, answering e-mails and reviewing reports. He heard the other man moving around in the living room along with wood banging together but left him alone until he was desperate for coffee.
He found Spencer on the floor struggling to assemble the bookcases. Without a word, he walked into the living room and took the screwdriver from Spencer. He beckoned Spencer to support the plank while he screwed the screw in place. Spencer looked up and gave him a small smile. They worked in silence until Aaron felt Spencer watching him and looked up.
Spencer stared at him in thought for a moment. “You are planning on staying, aren´t you?” he asked quietly.
“At least until tomorrow, yes. The doctor said two days,” Aaron told him, “Are you going to try to send me home?”
“No point,” Reid said as he handed the last screw to Aaron. “You've clearly made the decision to stay. If I told you to leave, you would sleep in your car, parked across the street.”
Aaron huffed as he screwed the last screw in. He was a little surprised by the way Spencer saw him but knew Spencer wasn´t all wrong. “Let´s raise it,” he said and together they lifted the frame.
“Thank you, Hotch,” Spencer said quietly as he stood on one side of the frame and didn´t take his eyes off of him.
“You´re welcome,” Aaron said as he studied the frame before locking his eyes with Spencer´s. Aaron knew Spencer was thanking him for being there, for making sure he was alright. The air changed around them. Aaron found it harder to breathe the longer he stared into those amber eyes. His mouth fell open to draw in more air and he saw Spencer´s eyes fall to his mouth and then return to his eyes. The yearning in Spencer´s eyes was a reflection of Hotch´s own need and want.
The urge to stroke Spencer´s cheek became too much and Aaron forced it away by tightening his hold on the frame. Spencer set his hand on Aaron´s chest and before Aaron could stop him, Spencer leaned forward and set his lips against Aaron´s. Aaron´s eyes closed; Spencer´s lips felt firmer than a woman´s, but it didn´t change the fact that Spencer was pressing harder against him. The tip of Spencer´s tongue ran against the seams of Aaron´s lips. He opened his mouth to object but forgot to move away and there was Spencer´s tongue, exploring and teasing his with light touches. Aaron tasted hint of sweetened coffee and apples. It numbed his thoughts and warmed his body, and he couldn´t get enough of it.
Tilting his head just so, Aaron pushed against the tongue with his own. Spencer tangled his long fingers into Aaron´s hair, sending tingles down Aaron´s spine that pooled in his abdomen. Aaron grabbed the front of Spencer´s T-shirt and pulled the young man closer.
“Hotch…” Spencer breathed out when they broke for air and it brought Aaron back to reality. He abruptly let go of Spencer and took a step back far enough for Spencer to lose is hold.
Breathing harshly, Spencer stared at him, confused. “Hotch?”
Spencer looked away and tried to collect his thoughts. “I can´t…” Hotch breathed. “I can´t do this.”
Spencer didn´t hide his surprise. “Why not?”
Aaron looked at him; he seemed so impossible young standing on the other side of the frame, face flushed, his T-shirt wrinkled and hair disheveled. “There are just too many obstacles,” he answered quietly.
Spencer seemed taken aback and stared at him for a few moments. The surprise in his eyes changed into hurt. Looking down, Spencer appeared to be considering Aaron´s words because a moment later he nodded. “Sorry, it won´t happen again,” he murmured and walked out of the room.
Aaron´s first instinct was to go after him but he forcibly pressed it down. This is for the best.
Spencer hid in his bedroom for the rest of the evening. Aaron put the second bookcase together if only for a distraction. He heard Spencer do his evening routine around ten pm, but the young man didn´t say good night. Aaron´s heart sank and he knew he was just one more person to reject Spencer.
The next morning wasn´t any better. Aaron noticed Spencer stayed in his room until he was certain Aaron was working in the bedroom. Then the young man moved to the living room and Aaron heard him turn on the TV. When he came to fetch some coffee, he found Spencer putting away his books onto the shelves, but Spencer didn´t acknowledge him in any way. Aaron left him alone, almost glad that he had to go to work the next day.
The afternoon went similarly to the morning. Aaron worked, Spencer organized his books and they didn´t speak. It wasn´t until late in the evening as Spencer was getting a glass of water that Spencer came quietly from his room and stood on the other side of the brick wall with his hands in his pockets.
“Would you mind if I rode with you tomorrow?” Spencer asked.
Aaron looked up. “I hope you´re not thinking about going to work?”
A ghost of a smile appeared on Spencer´s lips as he looked away. “No, I´m going to get my car.”
“Of course,” Aaron replied and regarded the young man as he stood still, clearly wanting to say something more but afraid of how it would be received.
“I haven´t been able to find a pattern to the migraines. They seem to come and go at random, and I can´t associate them with any behavior, feeling or diet. I´ve been in a few stressful situations since they started, but didn´t get a migraine,” Spencer confessed as he looked up and pursed his lips. “Miami excluded. There for I must conclude they aren´t work related.”
Aaron knew that this was Spencer´s peace offering. “Thank you for telling me,” he said, gratefully. “Promise me one thing, though?” Spencer´s eyebrows shot up before he nodded. “You tell me if you can´t work a case, headache or no headache.” Hotch looked him straight in the eyes, to make sure Reid understood how serious this was. “I ask you to do this because we trust you with our lives, Reid.”
Reid´s eyes glanced to the side as he thought about it. He looked back into Hotch´s eyes. “Okay, I promise,” he said quietly.
“Thank you.” Aaron knew he could count on that promise and it eased some of the stress and worry he had over Spencer.
Spencer nodded and turned to walk back, but Aaron wasn´t ready to let him go.
“Sometimes I forget about your memory and that is my fault,” Aaron started and looked at the counter but noted that Reid had turned around again, listening. “Cases, with time, they fade in our minds and others take their place. The worst stick with us but eventually the details of them fade too. But you remember all of them, every victim, every unsub.” Meeting Spencer´s gaze, he noted that Spencer was listening intently “Every time I remember how extraordinary your mind is, I worry that this job will send you overboard, that you´ll end up like Gideon.”
Spencer looked away and frowned. “But that also means I remember all the good things. The first time I saw Jack, Haley brought him to the office and I called him wrinkled and bald.”
Aaron chuckled. “I had forgotten about that.”
“Once, in New York, we went out for Chinese and Morgan made fun of me for not knowing how to use chopsticks. JJ put a rubber band at the end, but it didn´t help much,” Spencer grinned and leaned against the brick wall. “I remember my twenty fourth birthday; Gideon made me wear that silly hat and Morgan put trick candles on my cake. And one time when you caught me doing physics magic in the bull pen.” Spencer met his gaze, chuckling. “You told me I was gaining some distance on my film canister.” Spencer looked away and frowned as another memory seemed to enter his mind. “I remember when JJ let me feel Henry kick while she was pregnant, it freaked me out, and how terrified I was when I held him for the first time.” Spencer laughed softly.”I also remember when Rossi joined the team. I think he was afraid of me.”
That made Hotch laugh. “You certainly intimidated him by quoting his books by page numbers.”
Spencer chuckled low and rolled back on his heels. “Yeah, I try to remember those moments.”
Neither commented that it had been a long time since there was any reason to laugh with the team.
“Good night, Hotch,” Spencer said quietly when the silence became awkward.
“Good night, Spencer.”
Aaron watched Spencer walk down the hall and the memory of their kiss came to mind. His tongue licked his lower lip in an attempt to taste Spencer there. Hotch knew he would remember that kiss for a long time. He just hoped their work-relationship wasn´t as broken as their friendship seemed to be.
***
Ch: 13