. . .thats what the shirt said.  meena had it last.  i remember my mom used to wear it all the time.  i thaught it was funny.  i understand now.  it wasnt funny, it was true.  and now it fits my situation.  nothing left for me here.  thats not true.  there is my son, who i never get to see. . .

where am i going with this?  i havent the foggiest.  i ( Read more... )

( Read more... )

this webpage i built took a coupledays.  it killed some time, got my mined off of things for a while.  i guess im in a better, or at least a neutral mood now.  awww-yeah, back to my old selfless self again.  here i go, doin stuff.  you know, i dont think i'll ever change.  not much doees with me.  im not all that different from wo i was 1, 3, 5 ( Read more... )

. . . . i spent an eterity on this webpage. and no one seems to be able to view it....

i can. i dont understand. HELLLLLLLLP!!!!!

NEVER REALLY IS A PROMIS. . . . .

WHAT THE HELL DID I DO?  WHAT  LESSON DID I MISS?  IS LIFE SOME ENTITY THAT TRUELY HATED ME?  DOES IT JUST FIND SOME  MORBID HUMOR IN FU(KING ME IN THE ^SS, OVER AND OVER AND OVER?

MARRIED. . . . .FOREVER. . . . .HAPPY. . . . .JUST GET MY SH!T TOGETHER, AND DO IT.  IT WAS A PLAN.  MOTIVATION.  DRIVE.  AND, NONE OF ( Read more... )

It's been a long time
Since I wore this rattlesnake smile
And a lotta my friends haven't seen it in quite a while
I feel my eyes rollin' deep inside my head
And there's a feeling of misconception in the air
Yeah, I'm startin' to see
Yeah, I do believe
I used to have a soft southern glowing face
I used to lead my heartaches away on the chase
When you ( Read more... )

Tuning: EADGBe (Em  G D/F# )

Em   Bm
Pretty girl on every corner
Am                 Em
Sunshine turns the sky to gold
Em                     Bm            Am  
Warm warm its always warm here
                          C
And I can't take the cold

e|-----------|
B|-----------|
G|-----------|
D|------0h2--|     (little fill)
A|--0h2------|
E|-----------|

Em ( Read more... )

the happiest i've been since the birth of my son?  i found jaime.

i know the difference between "need" and "want".  its subjective:

i "want" to make a life with her.  i want all my mistakes to go away.  i want to be a good man.  i want a job that i am good at, and that i enjoy.  i want, just once, for something to work out.  to last and be real ( Read more... )

when no one is reading, who am i beating?  who am i feeding?  is anyone needing me?  who will bleed for me, cry for me, whither and die, to see, what's realy hiding beneath this sadist's masacist skin.

its thin,you know? cracked as you stroked it.  you broke it, just to see what lies beneath.  is it nice?  is it gritty, warm and shitty?

did you ( Read more... )

feeling distant, cold and breathless,

many nights spent in restless

contemplation, angxiety, and hectick

thaughts, chaotic in their message,

cryptic tones, seemingly senceless

delusions of grandger foreshadowing decadence,

showing error in perception,

churning with my mined’s progression,

knowing there is such digression,

what is valid , whats the ( Read more... )