Personally, I had no issue with how you've been writing Rhinox up until now, but meh~
I saw that Optimus/optimism pun coming a mile away, but it still made me smile x3
Cheetor is BLUNT! Ouch, Dinobot's pride is hit! DX What IS Cheetor's malfunction? Or is it just a classic case of Dad-vents-on-Mom-vents-on-child-vents-on-sibling type thing?
(CHEETOR REFUSES TO FIT WITHIN MILTONIAN BLANK VERSE. THIS IS A PROBLEM.) Cheetor sought him out, and pressed energon in his hands, and told him, "he'll be alright." "Hurm." Dinobot couldn't pace, not without knocking the kid aside, and taking his anger out on him would be wrong, no matter how annoying he was. And really, how could someone be irritating just standing there? At least someone who didn't really smell that bad? "You've come back in worse shape, actually, I'm pretty sure he's come back in worse shape," the kid babbled on. "And you really need to drink that, because if you don't, I'll be in worse shape." "Hurm," Dinobot said again. It was a good, non-committal sound. Calming, even, like Optimus had been when he had kindly ordered Dinobot to hand over Rattrap and cover their retreat. He hadn't wanted to, but Optimus could fly, and he couldn't, and Rattrap was damn near cut clear in half by Megatron's teeth, and still talking"Give 'em hell f'r me," he'd wheezed. "See ya back at base
( ... )
Monosyllabic Dinobot is monosyllabic. Love that, and love Rattrap being snarky on the brink of death, because really, what's the point of getting bitten in half if he can't sic a raptor on the big purple bozo in revenge? Of course Cheetor is love, too, but you already knew that
( ... )
Y'know, Cheetor's one of the more mature teenagers in the world, if he can actually figure out what's going on even if it's only part-way figured out. I loved the conversations between him and Dinobot. This whole chapter was fun to read just for the conversations.
Comments 24
Personally, I had no issue with how you've been writing Rhinox up until now, but meh~
I saw that Optimus/optimism pun coming a mile away, but it still made me smile x3
Cheetor is BLUNT! Ouch, Dinobot's pride is hit! DX What IS Cheetor's malfunction? Or is it just a classic case of Dad-vents-on-Mom-vents-on-child-vents-on-sibling type thing?
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Dinobot needed SOMEone to shake him out of his guilt-trip. As for what's bugging Cheetor, you'll find out in a couple chapters.
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Cheetor sought him out, and pressed energon in his hands, and told him, "he'll be alright."
"Hurm." Dinobot couldn't pace, not without knocking the kid aside, and taking his anger out on him would be wrong, no matter how annoying he was. And really, how could someone be irritating just standing there? At least someone who didn't really smell that bad?
"You've come back in worse shape, actually, I'm pretty sure he's come back in worse shape," the kid babbled on. "And you really need to drink that, because if you don't, I'll be in worse shape."
"Hurm," Dinobot said again. It was a good, non-committal sound. Calming, even, like Optimus had been when he had kindly ordered Dinobot to hand over Rattrap and cover their retreat.
He hadn't wanted to, but Optimus could fly, and he couldn't, and Rattrap was damn near cut clear in half by Megatron's teeth, and still talking"Give 'em hell f'r me," he'd wheezed. "See ya back at base ( ... )
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