hay mas...

[iambickilometer]

I'm on a roll!

Fanart...coming soon to a LJ post near you.

But for the meantime...

Title: Second Chance
Fandom: Tsubasa
Wordcount: 269
Author Note: This is my first foray into the world of second person POV, and I'm not at all sure about it. Please offer as much critique as you can.

The first night is the hardest. You feel as if you’re going to explode,

Comments

[shadow_piper]

Cool. Not manny people can pull off the second-person thing, but I think you did it very well.

[iambickilometer]

Sweet! Thanks. I'm still not sure if I did, but I'm glad you think so.

[kenarbes]

2nd person POV is extremely difficult, harder than 1st person. Which is why most writers avoid it. I'm not really clear on what 2nd person is, but I think that your second and fourth paragraphs might be having POV problems. Might be, because Fai either knows what the vampire twins told Kurogane or he can somehow connect to Kurogane on such a deep level that he can almost read the ninja's mind. Which may be possible, now that they've been bound together and Kurogane, in essence, belongs to Fai.

You did a good job. Don't abandon 2nd person if you're still interested in exploring it. You might be the one to "write the book" on how it's done.

[iambickilometer]

It's not really from eaither POV, though. Someone's telling the story (originally, it was supposed to be first-person from Kurogane's POV, but I didn't like that at all.)

I really like that interpretation of POV, though. I want to explore that further now.

Thanks, and thank you especially for taking the time to give in-depth critique. I'll certainly keep it in mind when I try again. (Although I certainly doubt I'll be "writing the book" on anything.)

@_@

[evilteddybear10]

As for praise this is greatly insightful as usual and a unique take on the vampire senses bit.

I'm even less sure about what second person POV means, but I think I tentatively agree with kenarbes. I was under the impression when I started to read that Fai knew more than he should about the inner workings of Kurogane. I know that third person is used most because it is the most versatile. It is removed from either character so you can state the inner workings of both. But second POV is not like that.

Maybe it's because stating "you" puts the reader in the place of the character and as such you can't know what Kurogane's thinking? Or maybe someone close enough to the situation to call the character "you" can't have that much insight? @_@ I'm so confused. I think you did a wonderful job...I just think it showed more insight than it should, but I don't remember why...

Re: @_@

[iambickilometer]

Second person, to me, has always been another person (narrator, perhaps) speaking about the character to the character. It's definitely sketchy, because the mysterious speaker is not explained at all, or it becomes first person. I do abuse that unique situation in giving too much of a third-person omniscient viewpoint. Second person is limiting.

Your explanation makes more sense, though. If the reader is being put in the character's place and being told how they are feeling and reacting, they wouldn't be able to know someone else's viewpoint unless there was a switch. Which I didn't intend. So that's my main problem, I think.

Thank you again, especially for the helpful critique. I'll definitely be trying again sometime.

[iambickilometer]

I agree. Drabbles are great.

Thank you!

[l0t0phage]

This is fucking beautiful.

[iambickilometer]

Thank you. (The more swearing the better?)

[l0t0phage]

You are welcome :) (fuck, yeah! ;) )

[iambickilometer]

Damn right.

[fengtianshi]

Wonderful piece! Perfect second person pov! I really really love it! <3

[iambickilometer]

Thank you!