The living room of 132 is empty, as are both bedrooms. The suite is painfully clean, apart from the dumbbells in the middle of the living room and the handful of sweaty workout clothes tossed on the floor
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Enter a slightly frazzled Goldilocks, with her usual lack of announcement. Holding her hand and toddling along at her side is little Eleanor, armed with her fierce-looking teddy bear. For once the bear's head is not in her mouthGoldy is taking steps to stamp that habit out already. In its place is a pacifier, which is being sucked on with slightly less contentment.
"Now, normally it's good manners to knock on other people's doors," the Fable informs her child. "But we never need to in Auntie Steph and Auntie Mel's case, because we're always welcome here
( ... )
"Oh, I'm sure it would have been," Goldy says, remarkably patiently. "I'd have been crying myself to sleep at night, pining my life away for you. However, that was the rational explanation, not what actually happened.
Eleanor, meanwhile, drops the vibrator. It looks like she's about to burst into tears until the thing hits the tiled floor and the buzzing reverberates around the bathroom. She wriggles for down, squealing happily and making grabby hands for the duck.
Steph obliges, still trying to figure out what the hell Goldy's talking about. She settles, at length, for merely raising one eyebrow. (Mostly because it has taken too long to prepare an otherwise suitable response, and eyebrow-raising is the only thing that won't appear belated -- you can always pretend it was just a pause for effect, with an eyebrow-raise.)
"Apparently, by virtue of having sex with the god Eros some time ago, I unwittingly signed up for the Olympic Surrogate Special," Goldy reveals. She stoops and picks up the discarded pacifier, paying zero attention to Eleanor. Said baby is now crawling after the Squeakins, trying to catch it as it pulses energetically across the floor.
"Unwanted children without any of the physical inconveniences of gestation."
"Neat huh?"
Judging by her tone, she doesn't seem to think so.
"Well, pregnancy does kind of suck," Steph muses, crouching down so that Eleanor's within arm's reach again, just in case.
She's trying not to be all 'OMG OMG EEEEEEEE BABY OMG G LOOK YOU HAVE A BABY AND SHE'S ADORABLE AND OMG I LOVE HER CAN I KEEP HER EEEEE!' because Goldy fairly evidently isn't enthused about the situation. But the squee is very hard to squish, occasionally breaking free in little giggles or coos when Elle does anything particularly adorable, such as try to beat the duck senseless with a handtowel.
Goldy rewards her friend with a distinctly flat look.
"Thanks Steph."
"It's been a lifetime goal of mine to have children, as you well know. And I've strived for many long centuries to get god-powered sperm to ignore my contraception methods. Having the fetus stolen from my womb was just a delightful bonus."
"Hence the slightly dubious tone," Steph points out, glancing up from where she's crouched on the floor rather anxiously. "Need to get drunk and rant?"
And with that she whirls around and starts heading for the main door.
"I'll be back to pick her up in the morning."
It should be noted that Goldy has not brought a diaper bag with her, or any other necessary baby-sitting supplies. Maybe she assumes that Steph has plenty of such things on-hand because of all the other child-minding she does, or maybe she's just a terribly thoughtless mother.
Goldy pulls up short of the exit. She was so close!
"What?"
Her voice is already loaded with exasperation.
"Oh come on, Sweetcheeks," she then wails. "I've had her for two hours straight! You know you want to get to know my baby a little better, and spend some quality one-on-one time with her."
"First I want to spend some quality time with you!" Steph points out. "C'mon, G, you can't information-dump like that and then go out to get pissed with someone else. Pleeeease?"
"Some friend you are. You offered me an opportunity to get drunk, and then totally rescinded it. That's just fucking mean, baiting me like that."
"And you," she says, pointing at Eleanor in a very accusatory fashion, "you quit looking so happy about it all. Mommy's the only one who's allowed to take delight in other people's misfortunes. Unless it's daddy who's the butt of the joke, in which case we mock him together. Remember?"
"I try not to," Goldy retorts, her temper not improving in the light of the conspiratorial mirth. "I've been very good about not cussing in her presence so far. You could try the patience of a saint though."
Huffing loudly, she makes another move towards the front door.
"I've got a delightful Riesling on ice in my room. If you're only allowing me one glass, at least let me get a decent bottle of wine..."
It's a blatant secondary escape attempt, but maybe Steph will fall for it.
"Now, normally it's good manners to knock on other people's doors," the Fable informs her child. "But we never need to in Auntie Steph and Auntie Mel's case, because we're always welcome here ( ... )
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"So I've been fine."
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Eleanor, meanwhile, drops the vibrator. It looks like she's about to burst into tears until the thing hits the tiled floor and the buzzing reverberates around the bathroom. She wriggles for down, squealing happily and making grabby hands for the duck.
Steph obliges, still trying to figure out what the hell Goldy's talking about. She settles, at length, for merely raising one eyebrow. (Mostly because it has taken too long to prepare an otherwise suitable response, and eyebrow-raising is the only thing that won't appear belated -- you can always pretend it was just a pause for effect, with an eyebrow-raise.)
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"Unwanted children without any of the physical inconveniences of gestation."
"Neat huh?"
Judging by her tone, she doesn't seem to think so.
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She's trying not to be all 'OMG OMG EEEEEEEE BABY OMG G LOOK YOU HAVE A BABY AND SHE'S ADORABLE AND OMG I LOVE HER CAN I KEEP HER EEEEE!' because Goldy fairly evidently isn't enthused about the situation. But the squee is very hard to squish, occasionally breaking free in little giggles or coos when Elle does anything particularly adorable, such as try to beat the duck senseless with a handtowel.
"Uh ... congratulations?"
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"Thanks Steph."
"It's been a lifetime goal of mine to have children, as you well know. And I've strived for many long centuries to get god-powered sperm to ignore my contraception methods. Having the fetus stolen from my womb was just a delightful bonus."
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"I thought you'd never ask."
And with that she whirls around and starts heading for the main door.
"I'll be back to pick her up in the morning."
It should be noted that Goldy has not brought a diaper bag with her, or any other necessary baby-sitting supplies. Maybe she assumes that Steph has plenty of such things on-hand because of all the other child-minding she does, or maybe she's just a terribly thoughtless mother.
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Not that Steph objects to babysitting, because eeee adorable little girl!, but it wouldn't do to let Goldy know that.
"I believe you forgot something." She nods her head at Eleanor, now happily playing with vibrator and bubbles.
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"What?"
Her voice is already loaded with exasperation.
"Oh come on, Sweetcheeks," she then wails. "I've had her for two hours straight! You know you want to get to know my baby a little better, and spend some quality one-on-one time with her."
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"We can't get wasted in front of the baby though," she whines. "I'd be a terribly irresponsible mother if I did that."
A glimmer of hope creeps into her follow up question.
"Wouldn't I?"
It's hope for an answer in the negative.
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She exchanges grins with Eleanor. Almost as if they're both amused by this.
"You may have a single glass of wine, and you have to sip it slowly."
Unbending a little: "But I'll get you chocolate cake to go with. After all, you're a mom now. You can let your figure go."
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Goldy throws Steph a nasty scowl.
"Some friend you are. You offered me an opportunity to get drunk, and then totally rescinded it. That's just fucking mean, baiting me like that."
"And you," she says, pointing at Eleanor in a very accusatory fashion, "you quit looking so happy about it all. Mommy's the only one who's allowed to take delight in other people's misfortunes. Unless it's daddy who's the butt of the joke, in which case we mock him together. Remember?"
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BFFS.
"You shouldn't use language like that in front of her," Steph says cheerfully. "She'll pick up bad habits."
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Huffing loudly, she makes another move towards the front door.
"I've got a delightful Riesling on ice in my room. If you're only allowing me one glass, at least let me get a decent bottle of wine..."
It's a blatant secondary escape attempt, but maybe Steph will fall for it.
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