Sam Season Four Meta
So, about ten days ago (according to Gmail), riveryklown and I were talking (as we tend to do) and in my quest to find a nice happy fic to write, I ended up doing a lot of meta about Sam. This is not unusual for us (we talked about Sex and Violence at length for like...three days, I am not kidding you), but I thought it would be a fun thing to share with the comm. Well, not fun, it's not happy meta, but...
Pretty much everything is said by me unless otherwise noted. It was done over email, so there are some very not...essay-like things to it and some times are part of longer discussions, but I'm trying to transcribe it as best as possible.
It's mostly meta about Sam and his relationship with Dean, but there are mentions of Ruby (pro-Ruby, Bridget, don't have a heart attack) and the angels.
Winchester Alpha/Beta meta by technosage that is referenced within. It's not necessary to read that to understand this, but honestly, I'd recommend you read that rather than this because it's REALLY interesting and well done.
Spoilers through 4.18, just to be safe.
lavendergaia: I think that after Sam finished killing Lilith, he probably wouldn't care whether the apocalypse happened or not, he might even encourage it if it means he's one step closer to Dean. He had already cut ties with Bobby; I think he was getting ready to leave everything behind.
riveryklown: Sam was up to something. I mean, even in Mystery Spot he was just going after Trickster... once the target is gone... where does he go? That really IS their relationship though, fucked up as it is, and when I put it like that, I can kinda see why they'd be the ones to save the world. That's a LOT of emotions all directed towards one person. From both of them.
lavendregaia: I really do think that Sam has become more like Dean and vice versa this season and that Sam has stopped seeing himself as a person and sees himself as an extension of his brother. Like, Dean has done EVERYTHING for him his entire life and all Sam had to do was end a stupid deal and he had a whole YEAR to do that and every time he couldn't save Dean (which was a lot of times), he stopped seeing value in himself as a person and became more dedicated to just being a force that kept Dean safe and then Dean died for good and he became a force to retroactively make Dean safe and then he would have nothing left to do. And now that Dean is alive again, all he sees is Sam Winchester: brother's protector, not Sam Winchester: Person. He forced himself into the role SO MUCH so quickly, so single-mindedly that he can't find his way out of it and he doesn't even want to because this at least gives him a reason to be alive and he doesn't have to concentrate so much on the fact that he's the FUCKING ANTICHRIST AND HE'S GOING TO END THE WORLD.
riveryklown: It's like this whole PURPOSE is forced on him and y'know, purpose is good but sometimes you just want to live and he hasn't been able to live even a little since mid S2. Everything he does is somehow connected to the GRAND SCHEME OF UNIVERSE and of course he feels like an extension of Dean, of everything, when it seems like he doesn't even matter, like anyone could take his place, and the only way he can maybe matter even a little is by NOT letting anyone take his place.
lavendergaia: It's like he feels if he's doing it for Dean, it can't be the wrong thing because it's FOR DEAN. And I think he could rationalize just about anything at this point, down to killing Castiel or taking over Lilith's spot in hell because if it was for Dean, he would be willing to do it. Which isn't what Dean wants but Sam doesn't think Dean knows what Dean wants because he's still traumatized from Hell (not that Sam's not hypocritical because he's still traumatized from Dean's time in hell), so he has to think of what Dean would want and he's thinking wrong but he's trying to do his best. No one else can protect Dean but him, no one else has the powers or the ability to get stronger by he does and really, what's a little blood sucking compared to his brother's life and immortal soul?
No other weapon they have is going to keep Dean alive or keep Sam alive so he can help protect Dean. Everyone else is so fucking useless. And Sam saw every Tuesday how easy Dean can get killed. He has to be ready for anything.
Sam needs to have control of Dean’s life because he has no control over anything anymore, least of all his own life. And when Sam’s not around to exert some control over Dean (which he mostly does without realizing it because he’s a controlling top by nature), Dean goes and does stupid shit like making deals and getting sent to hell. As far as Sam is concerned, Dean has no control over just about anything lately, he’s always getting dicked around by angels or demons or fate or other things that don’t have his best interest at heart like Sam does, so of course Sam is going to step in and do whatever he can to make sure things go fine for his brother. Sam needs something to control and Sam thinks Dean needs someone to control him, so that’s what Sam is going to do! And he’s going to do anything he has to to make sure that he can take care of any situation that might come up, be it Samhain or Alastair or whatever.
I mean, the more I think about what’s going through Sam’s mind, the more it makes sense. Dean can’t TAKE IT anymore. There’s nothing left of Dean to break and every time he starts healing, they set into him again. He couldn’t survive going back to hell. His soul would just…there would be nothing left. And Sam certainly can’t handle Dean going back to hell. Sam will do anything to stop that. ANYTHING.
He's such a complicated figure this season. Like, season three was all about his guilt and his need to stop the deal (because we really didn't have time for much else with the strike), but now he's all guilty and needy and loving and scary and conflicted and worried and I think that as much as he likes being the big brother to take care of Dean, he does miss Dean. I think he would like the old Dean to be back more but not try to take any of Sam's power away (and by power I don't mean demon power, I mean relationship power) because that's when they start to fight and when Dean fights, he retreats, which makes it harder for Sam to protect him. And then Sam has to be more secretive with how he's getting stronger, and then more secretive about how he's protecting Dean, which makes it harder to protect Dean and it makes it this big full circle of Sam doing everything he can to protect Dean and Dean not making it easy for him. Which is why I think Sam was so happy in Yellow Fever because Dean was still Dean, but Dean WAS relying on him and did lean on him for support and allowed Sam to protect him and was on the outside everything Sam thinks he is on the inside, so he felt validated and even at the end when Dean wasn't all scared and needy anymore, he knew that Dean wanted and appreciated his efforts.
I think Sam is trying to be both Dean's Alpha and his Beta, particularly after Yellow Fever. In that episode, Dean was basically a wounded pup that needed to be taken care of because it couldn't fend for itself and since Sam's the only other member of the pack, obviously he has to take over all the roles and when Dean let him, it just reinforced that role in him, so Sam's trying to balance being the leader and being the comforter/protector and he can't do it as well, there's only so many things a person can do.
I remember everyone saying after that episode about how Sam didn’t seem very concerned about his brother and he was concerned, but he wasn’t worried because he had no need to be. He had been training for months to save Dean from all the scum of hell, some stupid ghost isn’t going to get the best of him. He was excited to have the opportunity to show Dean just how much he could save him and how much he cares and how Dean doesn’t have to worry because Sam had his back the whole time and wouldn’t let anything happen to him. They had time limits before and they did things Dean’s way and it got completely fucked up and that was Sam’s opportunity to go, “Look what happens when I’m in charge and I make the decisions, good things happen and everyone is okay and our surrogate father shows up to have drinks with us and the day is saved yay!”
Sam is so used to Dean's emotional support, but Dean's so raw from hell that he just can't give anymore because he doesn't have it to give, so Sam is trying to be both roles at the same time which is overwhelming so he defaults to the one that is easiest, that makes Dean fight against him the least, which is to be Dean's beta and just protect and backs him up, so it's a alpha betaing for a beta and that doesn't work. You can't divide by zero. Dean doesn't want the emotional support or to feel like he's useless, but right now he is sort of useless in the way that Sam needs him. Dean is so drained that he can't give Sam anything, but can't take it either and they're just grating against each other.
Which I think is where Ruby comes in because (don't hate me) with Dean out of commission, she's become both Sam's beta and alpha female. She's trying to reassure him that Dean will be okay and give him the support he needs so he can step back into the alpha position and take control and her very presence reminds him of the last time he really let Dean be in charge, when he didn't use his powers and Dean died. But it isn't working as well as she would hope because she's not what he needs. He needs his brother because it's Dean's specific betaness that helps him. I mean, you could have considered Jess his alpha female back in Stanford, but the little we saw of Sam was not the alpha we've seen whenever he's with Dean, even in the flashbacks like Afterschool Special.
Sam already has his beta and he doesn't want Dean replaced, he just wants him better. That's why Ruby doesn't work for him because she's trying to usurp Dean's role, push him down the food chain, but that's not where he belongs. Sam appreciates the help but that's why he doesn't let her talk bad about Dean and tries to explain that she is only temporary here just like she was only temporary when Dean was in hell.
I know that a lot of the wank was about Sam calling Dean a dick but Sam wasn't USED to being a beta. Other than doing things like changing the room and going to the mill and telling Dean not to scratch, he couldn't support him very well emotionally or explain what was happening, so his logic was a little off. The best he could come up with was, "You're a dick like everyone else! It's a good thing you're an ass sometimes because we have some sort of lead! By acknowledging your dickishness and not yelling at you for it, I am doing my best to show you that it's okay that you can't be my beta right now!" Dude wanted to be a lawyer, not a therapist.
I mean, I think we've had some progress lately, but every time that I think we take a step forward with Sam leading the way, Dean pulls back and makes a passive aggressive comment about Ruby or whatever (partial jealousy about being replaced, I'm sure) and starts snapping at Sam again and then Sam is torn between snapping back and putting the Beta in his place and remembering that he's supposed to be helping Dean, so he gets frustrated. And I know that you didn't agree with Sam during Sex and Violence but A) the sleeping with Cara thing was TOTALLY him trying to find another alpha female while Dean found a new beta and B) the argument was the Siren's way of bringing Sam's long buried alpha back to the surface, trying to set the natural order back and since Dean is SO FUCKED UP right now that he can't be in any place, he was basically rogue and fought back. I mean, with the mind warp of the power, you could totally see Dean as basically an outsider threatening the pack (threatening Sam's Dean) and Sam fighting to defend his territory.
Dean's just being indecisive. I mean, he doesn't want Sam to be all over him and trying to force all of his love on him, but it's also, "If I can't have him/don't want him, no one else can! Not Ruby or hotty hot doctors or anything!"
*cough* Yeah, that's it. Wow, that was a lot longer than I thought it was. Blame riveryklown. But either way, if you made it through all that (I wouldn't blame you if you didn't), I hope it at least made you think and feel free to comment and debate me about any point of it. I like doing that. :)
Pretty much everything is said by me unless otherwise noted. It was done over email, so there are some very not...essay-like things to it and some times are part of longer discussions, but I'm trying to transcribe it as best as possible.
It's mostly meta about Sam and his relationship with Dean, but there are mentions of Ruby (pro-Ruby, Bridget, don't have a heart attack) and the angels.
Winchester Alpha/Beta meta by technosage that is referenced within. It's not necessary to read that to understand this, but honestly, I'd recommend you read that rather than this because it's REALLY interesting and well done.
Spoilers through 4.18, just to be safe.
lavendergaia: I think that after Sam finished killing Lilith, he probably wouldn't care whether the apocalypse happened or not, he might even encourage it if it means he's one step closer to Dean. He had already cut ties with Bobby; I think he was getting ready to leave everything behind.
riveryklown: Sam was up to something. I mean, even in Mystery Spot he was just going after Trickster... once the target is gone... where does he go? That really IS their relationship though, fucked up as it is, and when I put it like that, I can kinda see why they'd be the ones to save the world. That's a LOT of emotions all directed towards one person. From both of them.
lavendregaia: I really do think that Sam has become more like Dean and vice versa this season and that Sam has stopped seeing himself as a person and sees himself as an extension of his brother. Like, Dean has done EVERYTHING for him his entire life and all Sam had to do was end a stupid deal and he had a whole YEAR to do that and every time he couldn't save Dean (which was a lot of times), he stopped seeing value in himself as a person and became more dedicated to just being a force that kept Dean safe and then Dean died for good and he became a force to retroactively make Dean safe and then he would have nothing left to do. And now that Dean is alive again, all he sees is Sam Winchester: brother's protector, not Sam Winchester: Person. He forced himself into the role SO MUCH so quickly, so single-mindedly that he can't find his way out of it and he doesn't even want to because this at least gives him a reason to be alive and he doesn't have to concentrate so much on the fact that he's the FUCKING ANTICHRIST AND HE'S GOING TO END THE WORLD.
riveryklown: It's like this whole PURPOSE is forced on him and y'know, purpose is good but sometimes you just want to live and he hasn't been able to live even a little since mid S2. Everything he does is somehow connected to the GRAND SCHEME OF UNIVERSE and of course he feels like an extension of Dean, of everything, when it seems like he doesn't even matter, like anyone could take his place, and the only way he can maybe matter even a little is by NOT letting anyone take his place.
lavendergaia: It's like he feels if he's doing it for Dean, it can't be the wrong thing because it's FOR DEAN. And I think he could rationalize just about anything at this point, down to killing Castiel or taking over Lilith's spot in hell because if it was for Dean, he would be willing to do it. Which isn't what Dean wants but Sam doesn't think Dean knows what Dean wants because he's still traumatized from Hell (not that Sam's not hypocritical because he's still traumatized from Dean's time in hell), so he has to think of what Dean would want and he's thinking wrong but he's trying to do his best. No one else can protect Dean but him, no one else has the powers or the ability to get stronger by he does and really, what's a little blood sucking compared to his brother's life and immortal soul?
No other weapon they have is going to keep Dean alive or keep Sam alive so he can help protect Dean. Everyone else is so fucking useless. And Sam saw every Tuesday how easy Dean can get killed. He has to be ready for anything.
Sam needs to have control of Dean’s life because he has no control over anything anymore, least of all his own life. And when Sam’s not around to exert some control over Dean (which he mostly does without realizing it because he’s a controlling top by nature), Dean goes and does stupid shit like making deals and getting sent to hell. As far as Sam is concerned, Dean has no control over just about anything lately, he’s always getting dicked around by angels or demons or fate or other things that don’t have his best interest at heart like Sam does, so of course Sam is going to step in and do whatever he can to make sure things go fine for his brother. Sam needs something to control and Sam thinks Dean needs someone to control him, so that’s what Sam is going to do! And he’s going to do anything he has to to make sure that he can take care of any situation that might come up, be it Samhain or Alastair or whatever.
I mean, the more I think about what’s going through Sam’s mind, the more it makes sense. Dean can’t TAKE IT anymore. There’s nothing left of Dean to break and every time he starts healing, they set into him again. He couldn’t survive going back to hell. His soul would just…there would be nothing left. And Sam certainly can’t handle Dean going back to hell. Sam will do anything to stop that. ANYTHING.
He's such a complicated figure this season. Like, season three was all about his guilt and his need to stop the deal (because we really didn't have time for much else with the strike), but now he's all guilty and needy and loving and scary and conflicted and worried and I think that as much as he likes being the big brother to take care of Dean, he does miss Dean. I think he would like the old Dean to be back more but not try to take any of Sam's power away (and by power I don't mean demon power, I mean relationship power) because that's when they start to fight and when Dean fights, he retreats, which makes it harder for Sam to protect him. And then Sam has to be more secretive with how he's getting stronger, and then more secretive about how he's protecting Dean, which makes it harder to protect Dean and it makes it this big full circle of Sam doing everything he can to protect Dean and Dean not making it easy for him. Which is why I think Sam was so happy in Yellow Fever because Dean was still Dean, but Dean WAS relying on him and did lean on him for support and allowed Sam to protect him and was on the outside everything Sam thinks he is on the inside, so he felt validated and even at the end when Dean wasn't all scared and needy anymore, he knew that Dean wanted and appreciated his efforts.
I think Sam is trying to be both Dean's Alpha and his Beta, particularly after Yellow Fever. In that episode, Dean was basically a wounded pup that needed to be taken care of because it couldn't fend for itself and since Sam's the only other member of the pack, obviously he has to take over all the roles and when Dean let him, it just reinforced that role in him, so Sam's trying to balance being the leader and being the comforter/protector and he can't do it as well, there's only so many things a person can do.
I remember everyone saying after that episode about how Sam didn’t seem very concerned about his brother and he was concerned, but he wasn’t worried because he had no need to be. He had been training for months to save Dean from all the scum of hell, some stupid ghost isn’t going to get the best of him. He was excited to have the opportunity to show Dean just how much he could save him and how much he cares and how Dean doesn’t have to worry because Sam had his back the whole time and wouldn’t let anything happen to him. They had time limits before and they did things Dean’s way and it got completely fucked up and that was Sam’s opportunity to go, “Look what happens when I’m in charge and I make the decisions, good things happen and everyone is okay and our surrogate father shows up to have drinks with us and the day is saved yay!”
Sam is so used to Dean's emotional support, but Dean's so raw from hell that he just can't give anymore because he doesn't have it to give, so Sam is trying to be both roles at the same time which is overwhelming so he defaults to the one that is easiest, that makes Dean fight against him the least, which is to be Dean's beta and just protect and backs him up, so it's a alpha betaing for a beta and that doesn't work. You can't divide by zero. Dean doesn't want the emotional support or to feel like he's useless, but right now he is sort of useless in the way that Sam needs him. Dean is so drained that he can't give Sam anything, but can't take it either and they're just grating against each other.
Which I think is where Ruby comes in because (don't hate me) with Dean out of commission, she's become both Sam's beta and alpha female. She's trying to reassure him that Dean will be okay and give him the support he needs so he can step back into the alpha position and take control and her very presence reminds him of the last time he really let Dean be in charge, when he didn't use his powers and Dean died. But it isn't working as well as she would hope because she's not what he needs. He needs his brother because it's Dean's specific betaness that helps him. I mean, you could have considered Jess his alpha female back in Stanford, but the little we saw of Sam was not the alpha we've seen whenever he's with Dean, even in the flashbacks like Afterschool Special.
Sam already has his beta and he doesn't want Dean replaced, he just wants him better. That's why Ruby doesn't work for him because she's trying to usurp Dean's role, push him down the food chain, but that's not where he belongs. Sam appreciates the help but that's why he doesn't let her talk bad about Dean and tries to explain that she is only temporary here just like she was only temporary when Dean was in hell.
I know that a lot of the wank was about Sam calling Dean a dick but Sam wasn't USED to being a beta. Other than doing things like changing the room and going to the mill and telling Dean not to scratch, he couldn't support him very well emotionally or explain what was happening, so his logic was a little off. The best he could come up with was, "You're a dick like everyone else! It's a good thing you're an ass sometimes because we have some sort of lead! By acknowledging your dickishness and not yelling at you for it, I am doing my best to show you that it's okay that you can't be my beta right now!" Dude wanted to be a lawyer, not a therapist.
I mean, I think we've had some progress lately, but every time that I think we take a step forward with Sam leading the way, Dean pulls back and makes a passive aggressive comment about Ruby or whatever (partial jealousy about being replaced, I'm sure) and starts snapping at Sam again and then Sam is torn between snapping back and putting the Beta in his place and remembering that he's supposed to be helping Dean, so he gets frustrated. And I know that you didn't agree with Sam during Sex and Violence but A) the sleeping with Cara thing was TOTALLY him trying to find another alpha female while Dean found a new beta and B) the argument was the Siren's way of bringing Sam's long buried alpha back to the surface, trying to set the natural order back and since Dean is SO FUCKED UP right now that he can't be in any place, he was basically rogue and fought back. I mean, with the mind warp of the power, you could totally see Dean as basically an outsider threatening the pack (threatening Sam's Dean) and Sam fighting to defend his territory.
Dean's just being indecisive. I mean, he doesn't want Sam to be all over him and trying to force all of his love on him, but it's also, "If I can't have him/don't want him, no one else can! Not Ruby or hotty hot doctors or anything!"
*cough* Yeah, that's it. Wow, that was a lot longer than I thought it was. Blame riveryklown. But either way, if you made it through all that (I wouldn't blame you if you didn't), I hope it at least made you think and feel free to comment and debate me about any point of it. I like doing that. :)