Golden Girls Prompt
Title: Up, Up and Away!
Author: Lopaka Tanu
Prompt: 3 Broken Bone
Claim: General Golden Girls
Rating: Mature Adults
Genre: Humor
Summary: It's okay, I still had a lovely time.
Disclaimer: I do not own the Golden Girls.
___________________________________________
"It's okay, I still had a lovely time." Smiling sweetly, Blanche closed the door, letting the bolt in the handle lock in place. "Like hell I did!"
"And good evening to you, Blanche." Having just entered the living room, Dorothy stared at her friend in shock. "I take it from that little out burst, your date didn't go so well?"
"No, it didn't go so well," Blanche mocked. Her nose scrunched in distaste. "The evening was a disaster! Right from the get go, the man could not do one thing right. He tripped over his own shoes out in drive way as I passed him to get to the other side of his car and he shoved me down right in the mud. After that, he slammed my hair in the car door."
"How did he do that? Your hair is barely passed your ears." She really wasn't interested, it was just the polite thing to do. Blanche's dates rarely aroused her interest any more.
Huffing, Blanche took her seat on the edge of the couch, adjusting the clump of her new do. "Well, as you know, I tried for the fly away look that's been so popular for tonight. What I didn't know was that he would leave his door open and the wind would pass through. It was so strong that my hair almost did fly away. I was leaning over to get out of the way of that terrible gale when then that clumsy oaf bumped in to the door, slamming it shut, and nearly took my head off!"
"How terrible, do go on." Oh, she was good. Dorothy had her book open, but she had her friend so worked up, she knew that Blanche didn't see it. She knew exactly when to interject a few words or phrases to keep the conversation going after years of practice.
"Well, on the way to the restaurant he got a speeding ticket for hitting the accelerator at a red light when he tried to get the brakes. I swear, that man ought to have his feet amputated! Lord, I could just kill him!" Hands clenched, Blanche knew her new rhinestone bag was going to suffer cracks under this pressure. "At the restaurant he tucked the table cloth down the front of his pants, I kid you not! He got up like a gentleman when I went to powder my nose and he took the entire meal with him. All that cheap steak and reheated potatoes just laid there as I stormed out of the restaurant. Oh, I didn't tell you the worst part of that, he took me to Jimbo's Shack, that tacky little place on the water front full of Cubans fresh off the boat. If they weren't so damned good looking I would never go there again!"
"Of course. The quality of a place is always based upon the cuteness factor of the waiters." Certain words triggered certain responses. She had deduced from the level of outrage tempered with sultry quivering and lust induced haze in the words that Blanche was talking about another bad restaurant with cute waiters. Really, she should write a paper on this.
"Exactly!" Patting Dorothy's knee, Blanche smiled. Then her recollection of the date continued and she scowled once more. "Anyways, after that fiasco I wasn't about to sleep with him. Then he took me down to the beech. For over two hours I listened to him beg, plead, and debase himself in front of me and I finally relented just to get him to shut up. After all, he was kinda cute." Scoffing with no amusement, Blanche shook her head. "Boy, was that a mistake."
"Oh?" Now here was the interesting part. It was very rare that Blanche had a bad sexual experience and not even a classic novel could compare to the joy she got out of these moments.
"Turns out Mr. Daniel P. Neuman was not only a lousy date, a spineless weasel, and a shallow, pathetic shell of a man, he was also impotent!" Chuckling darkly, Blanche's eyes narrowed at what damage she was going to reek on him.
"You mean he suffered from Erectile Disfunction?" Oh, that was just too good. The woman who prided herself on her looks and sexuality was being laid low by a common occurrence.
"Impotent! The man was impotent! Don't sugar coat it, Dorothy. Mr. Limp-as-a-noodle Neuman was so flaccid he couldn't even entice a trout! And to top it off, he had the audacity to suggest it might be my fault! The nerve of that man, to suggest that I, Blanche Elizabeth Devereaux would ever inspire a man's penis to shrivel!" There was a snap and she as pretty sure something expensive in her makeup bag had just cracked, but she couldn't be brought to give a damn. "Mr. Daniel P. Neuman has yet to learn just how shrunken his manhood is When I am through with him, he will not only be sorry to ever have crossed me, he will not only rue the day he met me, he will crawl the very Earth cursing my name, never knowing respite from his eternal torment, the likes of which have not been seen even in the eternal depths of hell!"
Having stood as she talked, Blanche tossed her bag on the coffee table and stomped her way to the kitchen. "I will see you later Dorothy, I have a few calls to make about Mr. Neuman's Broken Bone!"
While the door to the kitchen swung shut, Dorothy started a slow clap. After that, she was ready for bed. Some how, Pride and Prejudice just didn't hold the same appeal.
THE END
Author: Lopaka Tanu
Prompt: 3 Broken Bone
Claim: General Golden Girls
Rating: Mature Adults
Genre: Humor
Summary: It's okay, I still had a lovely time.
Disclaimer: I do not own the Golden Girls.
___________________________________________
"It's okay, I still had a lovely time." Smiling sweetly, Blanche closed the door, letting the bolt in the handle lock in place. "Like hell I did!"
"And good evening to you, Blanche." Having just entered the living room, Dorothy stared at her friend in shock. "I take it from that little out burst, your date didn't go so well?"
"No, it didn't go so well," Blanche mocked. Her nose scrunched in distaste. "The evening was a disaster! Right from the get go, the man could not do one thing right. He tripped over his own shoes out in drive way as I passed him to get to the other side of his car and he shoved me down right in the mud. After that, he slammed my hair in the car door."
"How did he do that? Your hair is barely passed your ears." She really wasn't interested, it was just the polite thing to do. Blanche's dates rarely aroused her interest any more.
Huffing, Blanche took her seat on the edge of the couch, adjusting the clump of her new do. "Well, as you know, I tried for the fly away look that's been so popular for tonight. What I didn't know was that he would leave his door open and the wind would pass through. It was so strong that my hair almost did fly away. I was leaning over to get out of the way of that terrible gale when then that clumsy oaf bumped in to the door, slamming it shut, and nearly took my head off!"
"How terrible, do go on." Oh, she was good. Dorothy had her book open, but she had her friend so worked up, she knew that Blanche didn't see it. She knew exactly when to interject a few words or phrases to keep the conversation going after years of practice.
"Well, on the way to the restaurant he got a speeding ticket for hitting the accelerator at a red light when he tried to get the brakes. I swear, that man ought to have his feet amputated! Lord, I could just kill him!" Hands clenched, Blanche knew her new rhinestone bag was going to suffer cracks under this pressure. "At the restaurant he tucked the table cloth down the front of his pants, I kid you not! He got up like a gentleman when I went to powder my nose and he took the entire meal with him. All that cheap steak and reheated potatoes just laid there as I stormed out of the restaurant. Oh, I didn't tell you the worst part of that, he took me to Jimbo's Shack, that tacky little place on the water front full of Cubans fresh off the boat. If they weren't so damned good looking I would never go there again!"
"Of course. The quality of a place is always based upon the cuteness factor of the waiters." Certain words triggered certain responses. She had deduced from the level of outrage tempered with sultry quivering and lust induced haze in the words that Blanche was talking about another bad restaurant with cute waiters. Really, she should write a paper on this.
"Exactly!" Patting Dorothy's knee, Blanche smiled. Then her recollection of the date continued and she scowled once more. "Anyways, after that fiasco I wasn't about to sleep with him. Then he took me down to the beech. For over two hours I listened to him beg, plead, and debase himself in front of me and I finally relented just to get him to shut up. After all, he was kinda cute." Scoffing with no amusement, Blanche shook her head. "Boy, was that a mistake."
"Oh?" Now here was the interesting part. It was very rare that Blanche had a bad sexual experience and not even a classic novel could compare to the joy she got out of these moments.
"Turns out Mr. Daniel P. Neuman was not only a lousy date, a spineless weasel, and a shallow, pathetic shell of a man, he was also impotent!" Chuckling darkly, Blanche's eyes narrowed at what damage she was going to reek on him.
"You mean he suffered from Erectile Disfunction?" Oh, that was just too good. The woman who prided herself on her looks and sexuality was being laid low by a common occurrence.
"Impotent! The man was impotent! Don't sugar coat it, Dorothy. Mr. Limp-as-a-noodle Neuman was so flaccid he couldn't even entice a trout! And to top it off, he had the audacity to suggest it might be my fault! The nerve of that man, to suggest that I, Blanche Elizabeth Devereaux would ever inspire a man's penis to shrivel!" There was a snap and she as pretty sure something expensive in her makeup bag had just cracked, but she couldn't be brought to give a damn. "Mr. Daniel P. Neuman has yet to learn just how shrunken his manhood is When I am through with him, he will not only be sorry to ever have crossed me, he will not only rue the day he met me, he will crawl the very Earth cursing my name, never knowing respite from his eternal torment, the likes of which have not been seen even in the eternal depths of hell!"
Having stood as she talked, Blanche tossed her bag on the coffee table and stomped her way to the kitchen. "I will see you later Dorothy, I have a few calls to make about Mr. Neuman's Broken Bone!"
While the door to the kitchen swung shut, Dorothy started a slow clap. After that, she was ready for bed. Some how, Pride and Prejudice just didn't hold the same appeal.
THE END