The land of the exceptionally cool
So, I spent the last glorious month living with gondolinchick01 and it left me with a whole lot to smile about, that goes without saying. It was an extremely enjoyable experience and I got to try a whole load of new things, meet loads of great people, trek through extreme amounts of snow and do things that horrified and entertained a great many people, especially those at California Pizza Kitchen. I could tell you about all the things I got up to but... I'm not going to. That'd be far too coherent and I'm enjoying the memories far too much to share them with you plebs.
*ahem*
Instead what I'll do is present to you a list of some of the wonderful new things I learned in the past month. Of course no travel story is complete without the obligatory whining about the journey so I'll throw that in first and get it out of the way.
Things I learned in traveling
Plane flights are plane flights, you take them and don't bother complaining, millions go through it daily. I won't bore you all with a discussion of why it wasn't comfortable or entirely enjoyable. However, my time in Newark airport cemented a lesson I'd learned when I was 12 years old: New York hates me. Read that carefully, I don't have a thing against New York but New York DESPISES me. I've been there technically three times; the first time was to visit my Aunt who is a fashion designer in Manhattan (www.RosieNeira.com) when she got married.* One of several fairly similar incidents that told me this was during the Halloween parade they have every year in Manhattan. We had to cross a road block to get to my aunt's apartment. My family got through okay but when I tried to get through the police officer stopped me and asked me where I thought was going. Now I'm from a mostly Spanish family and look more Spanish than most of said family too, and this guy's attitude was fairly clear to read from his face, "I don't trust you you fucking Mexican."
It is this attitude I CONSTANTLY get screwed by in New York. Similar incidents have happened to me around the empire state, in the subway and on this most recent trip in Newark customs where I was spoken to like a criminal and pulled over to have my bag searched faster than you can say 'no hablo ingles, senior.' Funniest part is the guy who pulled me over looked exactly like the one from Halloween night: Piggy, short, blond, somewhere in his late 40s and indescribably sweaty. Maybe it was him again? I wonder if he remembered me too? Either way I also got stopped on the way out at customs for a hand luggage search. It's a shame for them as much as anything as they ultimately missed the fact the 80 year old Texan woman behind me was smuggling enough crack to put down the population of Cuba.
No soy Mejicano, pendejo.
Of course, the truth is I might be biassed by the fact I had been awake for N hours too long and the airport had no caffeinated soda what-so-ever but let's move on.
Important, interesting and relevant things I learned in America
- English people can't say 'ass', 'dang', 'y'all', 'dude' or use any sort of Gangsta slang without sounding ridiculous.
- Monk is a weapon, a rule held sacred by all who DM in our extended circle of DnD players.
- The vast majority of contents inside Dungeons and Dragons manuals are someone's masturbation fantasies published with statistics attached.
- Distracting someone from making a LiveJournal post can be a lot of fun. **
- I look great in a red and black skirt and green eyeshadow. However, wearing a skirt outside on a cold day is *extremely* uncomfortable.
- I do NOT look good in vinyl pants. For
gondolinchick01 and
surcia anual Gothmas party I had to get a pair of ridiculous goth Vinyl pants. Worst part is we had to eventually venture in to the horrors of Hot Topic for these and the smallest I could find were size 38. I'm size 30 and I'm not exactly anorexic.
-
padparadscha is great fun to take to a movie.
- Everything in America is ridiculously cheap compared to England.
- England does not know the true meaning of cold. England only THINKS it knows the true meaning of cold.
- Wait staff will serve you much quicker when you're in drag out on the town.
- I'm very good at seducing men.
- I've committed enough sins to keep me in confession until I'm an extremely old man.
- The previous two facts are related.
- Despite this I'm convinced that God has lust for everything.
- Hot Addiction is a serious problem in the western world.
- Kirsch is vile but can make exceptional cake and nearby glass explode when poured on a candle.
- Every one of my friends is particularly fond of the word 'absconds'.
- Joseph Stalin as a role model will neither help you collect sticks nor take over your local school.
- Ph'nglui mglw'nafh Cthulhu R'lyeh wgah'nag fhtagn.
- My 4 month year old niece Phoebe's first word was 'bugger' and came on Christmas eve.
-Diversity is a word used by escaped mental patients to describe the act of patronising minorities whilst keeping a straight face.
- In the mid-west Jello is considered food along with finger bones jammed in to a cat's brain and wrapped in a ribbon, tumor sauce and uncooked radish.
- It is entirely possible to torture someone with the 'Blimp song'.
-
gondolinchick01 hands my ass to me in Unreal Tournament 2K4 even worse than online. However, I can make her throw up by playing Sonic the Hedgehog hard enough.
- The League of Gentlemen virus has somehow spread across the Atlantic ocean. I fear for the day the whole world is like Roysten Vasey.
-
chancrescolex aka Jhonen Vasquez wasn't hugged enough as a child.
- Someone rewrote a The Hobbit set in outer space. A loud feminist rewrote The Hobbit and set it in outer space. A loud feminist rewrote The Hobbit, set it in outer space, changed most characters to women, had almost a polar opposite writing style to the massive exposition that is Tolkien and had a tenuous grasp of most scientific concepts and yet it was an extremely entertaining read.
- I sound extremely strange singing Rammstein songs out loud.
- I don't care about the former, I just can't help myself even when others complain.
- In America you can browse an adult store three years before you can legally drink. Unfortunately, as evidenced by having to wear ridiculous pants to Gothmas I still found no killer skirt there.
- Most importantly: I am a very lucky person to have
gondolinchick01 in my life.
*In the 'drawings' section, picture 11 for some reason there is in fact a picture of this very wedding.
** http://gondolinchick01.livejournal.com/32614.html
In light of my greater understanding and appreciation of our across-the-pond neighbors I will now discard it all and stick this post through an online 'redneck translator.' Sure, it sucks compared to my other translations but I'm reeling from jetlag and crappy LJ tags.
Peace out y'all.
The land of da exceptionally cool
So, I spent da last glorious month livin wif gondolinchick01 and it left me wif a whole lot ta smile about, dat goes wifout saying. It was an extremely enjoyable experience `n` I got ta try a whole load of new thangs, meet loads of great people, trek through extreme amounts of snow `n` do thangs dat horrified `n` entertained a great many people, especially those at California Pizza Kitchen. I could tell yew about all da thangs I got up ta but... I'm not going to. dat'd be far too cocheernt `n` I'm enjoying da memories far too much ta shrrr em wif yew plebs.
*ahem*
Instid whut I'll do is present ta yew a list of some of da wonderful new thangs I learned in da past month. Of course no travel story is cumplete wifout da obligatory whinin about da journey so I'll throw dat in farst `n` get`r out o fhe way.
thangs I learned in traveling
Plane flights aur plane flights, yew tekk em `n` don't bother cumplainin, millions go through it daily. I won't bore ya`ll wif a discussion of why it wasn't comfortable er entarly enjoyable. However, my time in Newark areport cemented a lesson I'd learned when I was 12 years old: New York hates me. Rid dat crrrfully, I don't have a thang against New York but New York DESPISES me. I've been yonder technically three times; da farst time was ta visit my Aunt who is a fashion dezineer in Manhattan (www.RosieNeira.com) when she got married.* One of several farely similar incidents dat told me dis was durin da Halloween parade they have evary year in Manhattan. We had ta cross a road block ta git ta my aunt's apartment. My family got through okay but when I tried ta git through da police officer stopped me `n` asked me wher I thought was going. Now I'm from a mostly Spanish family `n` luk mow Spanish than most of said family too, `n` dis guy's attitude was farely clyear ta rid from his face, "I don't trust yew yew fuckin Mexican."
It is dis attitude I CONSTANTLY git screwed by in New York. Similar incidents have happened ta me `rounst da empire state, in da subway `n` on dis most recent trip in Newark customs wher I was spoken ta lik a criminal `n` pulled over ta have my bag searched licketdspliter than yew can say 'no hablo ingles, senior.' Funniest part is da guy who pulled me over luked exactly lik da one from Halloween night: Piggy, short, blond, somewher in his late 40s `n` indescribably sweaty. Maybe it was him again? I wonder if`n he remembered me too? Either way I also got stopped on da way out at customs fer a hand luggage search. It's a shame fer em as much as anythang as they ultimately missed da fact da 80 year old Texan woman behind me was smuggling enough crack ta put down da population of Cuba.
No soy Mejicano, pendejo.
Of course, da truth is I might be biassed by da fact I had been awake fer N ares too long `n` da areport had no caffeinated soda whut-so-ever but let's move on.
Impotent, interestin `n` relevant thangs I learned in America
- English people kaint say 'ass', 'dang', 'y'all', 'dude' er use any sort of Gangsta slang wifout sounding ridiculous.
- Monk is a weapon, a rule held sacred by all who DM in our extended circle of DnD players.
- da vast majority of contents inside Dungeons `n` Dragons manuals aur someone's masturbation fantasies published wif statistics attached.
- Distractin someone from makin a LiveJournal post can be a lot of fun. **
- I luk great in a red `n` black skirt `n` green eyeshadow. However, wearin a skirt outside on a cold day is *extremely* uncumfortable.
- I do NOT luk good in vinyl pants. fer gondolinchick01 and [Unknown LJ tag] anual Gothmas party I had ta git a pare of ridiculous goth Vinyl pants. Worst part is we had ta eventually venture in ta da horrors of Hot Topic fer dese `n` da smallest I could fin` were size 38. I'm size 30 `n` I'm not exactly anorexic.
- padparadscha is great fun ta tekk ta a movie.
- Everythang in America is ridiculously cheap cumprrrd ta England.
- England don`t know da true meanin of cold. England only reconS it knows da true meanin of cold.
- Wait staff will serve yew much quicker when yew're in drag out on da town.
- I'm very good at seducing men.
- I've committed enough sins ta keep me in confession until I'm an extremely old man.
- da previous two facts aur related.
- Despite dis I'm convinced dat God has lust fer evarythang.
- Hot Addiction is a serious problem in da western world.
- Kirsch is vile but can make exceptional cake `n` nearby glass explode when poured on a candle.
- Every one of my friends is particularly fond of da werd 'absconds'.
- Joseph Stalin as a role model will neither help yew collect sticks nor tekk over yore local school.
- Ph'nglui mglw'nafh Cthulhu R'lyeh wgah'nag fhtagn.
- My 4 month year old niece Phoebe's farst werd was 'bugger' `n` came on Christmas eve.
-Diversity is a werd uset by escaped mental patients ta describe da act of patronising minorities whilst keeping a straight face.
- In da mid-west Jello is considered food along wif finger bones jammed in ta a cat's brain `n` wrapped in a ribbon, tumor sauce `n` uncooked radish.
- It is entarly possible ta torture someone wif da 'Blimp song'.
- gondolinchick01 hands my ass ta me in Unreal Tournament 2K4 even worse than online. However, I can make her throw up by playing Sonic da Hedgehog hard enough.
- The League of Gentlemen virus has somehow spread across da Atlantic ocean. I fear fer da day da whole world is lik Roysten Vasey.
- Jhonen Vasquez wasn't hugged enough as a child.***
- Someone rewrote a The Hobbit set in outer space. A loud feminist rewrote The Hobbit `n` set it in outer space. A loud feminist rewrote The Hobbit, set it in outer space, changed most characters ta wimmen, had almost a polar opposyte writin style ta da massive exposition dat is Tolkien `n` had a tenuous grasp of most scientific concepts `n` yet it was an extremely entertainin read.
- I sound extremely strange singin Rammstein songs out loud.
- I don't crrr about da former, I just kaint help myself even when others cumplain.
- In America yew can browse an adult store three years b4 yew can legally drink. Unfortunately, as evidenced by havin ta wear ridiculous pants ta Gothmas I still found no killer skirt yonder.
- Most importantly: I am a very lucky person ta have gondolinchick01 in my life.
*ahem*
Instead what I'll do is present to you a list of some of the wonderful new things I learned in the past month. Of course no travel story is complete without the obligatory whining about the journey so I'll throw that in first and get it out of the way.
Things I learned in traveling
Plane flights are plane flights, you take them and don't bother complaining, millions go through it daily. I won't bore you all with a discussion of why it wasn't comfortable or entirely enjoyable. However, my time in Newark airport cemented a lesson I'd learned when I was 12 years old: New York hates me. Read that carefully, I don't have a thing against New York but New York DESPISES me. I've been there technically three times; the first time was to visit my Aunt who is a fashion designer in Manhattan (www.RosieNeira.com) when she got married.* One of several fairly similar incidents that told me this was during the Halloween parade they have every year in Manhattan. We had to cross a road block to get to my aunt's apartment. My family got through okay but when I tried to get through the police officer stopped me and asked me where I thought was going. Now I'm from a mostly Spanish family and look more Spanish than most of said family too, and this guy's attitude was fairly clear to read from his face, "I don't trust you you fucking Mexican."
It is this attitude I CONSTANTLY get screwed by in New York. Similar incidents have happened to me around the empire state, in the subway and on this most recent trip in Newark customs where I was spoken to like a criminal and pulled over to have my bag searched faster than you can say 'no hablo ingles, senior.' Funniest part is the guy who pulled me over looked exactly like the one from Halloween night: Piggy, short, blond, somewhere in his late 40s and indescribably sweaty. Maybe it was him again? I wonder if he remembered me too? Either way I also got stopped on the way out at customs for a hand luggage search. It's a shame for them as much as anything as they ultimately missed the fact the 80 year old Texan woman behind me was smuggling enough crack to put down the population of Cuba.
No soy Mejicano, pendejo.
Of course, the truth is I might be biassed by the fact I had been awake for N hours too long and the airport had no caffeinated soda what-so-ever but let's move on.
Important, interesting and relevant things I learned in America
- English people can't say 'ass', 'dang', 'y'all', 'dude' or use any sort of Gangsta slang without sounding ridiculous.
- Monk is a weapon, a rule held sacred by all who DM in our extended circle of DnD players.
- The vast majority of contents inside Dungeons and Dragons manuals are someone's masturbation fantasies published with statistics attached.
- Distracting someone from making a LiveJournal post can be a lot of fun. **
- I look great in a red and black skirt and green eyeshadow. However, wearing a skirt outside on a cold day is *extremely* uncomfortable.
- I do NOT look good in vinyl pants. For
gondolinchick01 and
surcia anual Gothmas party I had to get a pair of ridiculous goth Vinyl pants. Worst part is we had to eventually venture in to the horrors of Hot Topic for these and the smallest I could find were size 38. I'm size 30 and I'm not exactly anorexic.
-
padparadscha is great fun to take to a movie.
- Everything in America is ridiculously cheap compared to England.
- England does not know the true meaning of cold. England only THINKS it knows the true meaning of cold.
- Wait staff will serve you much quicker when you're in drag out on the town.
- I'm very good at seducing men.
- I've committed enough sins to keep me in confession until I'm an extremely old man.
- The previous two facts are related.
- Despite this I'm convinced that God has lust for everything.
- Hot Addiction is a serious problem in the western world.
- Kirsch is vile but can make exceptional cake and nearby glass explode when poured on a candle.
- Every one of my friends is particularly fond of the word 'absconds'.
- Joseph Stalin as a role model will neither help you collect sticks nor take over your local school.
- Ph'nglui mglw'nafh Cthulhu R'lyeh wgah'nag fhtagn.
- My 4 month year old niece Phoebe's first word was 'bugger' and came on Christmas eve.
-Diversity is a word used by escaped mental patients to describe the act of patronising minorities whilst keeping a straight face.
- In the mid-west Jello is considered food along with finger bones jammed in to a cat's brain and wrapped in a ribbon, tumor sauce and uncooked radish.
- It is entirely possible to torture someone with the 'Blimp song'.
-
gondolinchick01 hands my ass to me in Unreal Tournament 2K4 even worse than online. However, I can make her throw up by playing Sonic the Hedgehog hard enough.
- The League of Gentlemen virus has somehow spread across the Atlantic ocean. I fear for the day the whole world is like Roysten Vasey.
-
chancrescolex aka Jhonen Vasquez wasn't hugged enough as a child.
- Someone rewrote a The Hobbit set in outer space. A loud feminist rewrote The Hobbit and set it in outer space. A loud feminist rewrote The Hobbit, set it in outer space, changed most characters to women, had almost a polar opposite writing style to the massive exposition that is Tolkien and had a tenuous grasp of most scientific concepts and yet it was an extremely entertaining read.
- I sound extremely strange singing Rammstein songs out loud.
- I don't care about the former, I just can't help myself even when others complain.
- In America you can browse an adult store three years before you can legally drink. Unfortunately, as evidenced by having to wear ridiculous pants to Gothmas I still found no killer skirt there.
- Most importantly: I am a very lucky person to have
gondolinchick01 in my life.
*In the 'drawings' section, picture 11 for some reason there is in fact a picture of this very wedding.
** http://gondolinchick01.livejournal.com/32614.html
In light of my greater understanding and appreciation of our across-the-pond neighbors I will now discard it all and stick this post through an online 'redneck translator.' Sure, it sucks compared to my other translations but I'm reeling from jetlag and crappy LJ tags.
Peace out y'all.
The land of da exceptionally cool
So, I spent da last glorious month livin wif gondolinchick01 and it left me wif a whole lot ta smile about, dat goes wifout saying. It was an extremely enjoyable experience `n` I got ta try a whole load of new thangs, meet loads of great people, trek through extreme amounts of snow `n` do thangs dat horrified `n` entertained a great many people, especially those at California Pizza Kitchen. I could tell yew about all da thangs I got up ta but... I'm not going to. dat'd be far too cocheernt `n` I'm enjoying da memories far too much ta shrrr em wif yew plebs.
*ahem*
Instid whut I'll do is present ta yew a list of some of da wonderful new thangs I learned in da past month. Of course no travel story is cumplete wifout da obligatory whinin about da journey so I'll throw dat in farst `n` get`r out o fhe way.
thangs I learned in traveling
Plane flights aur plane flights, yew tekk em `n` don't bother cumplainin, millions go through it daily. I won't bore ya`ll wif a discussion of why it wasn't comfortable er entarly enjoyable. However, my time in Newark areport cemented a lesson I'd learned when I was 12 years old: New York hates me. Rid dat crrrfully, I don't have a thang against New York but New York DESPISES me. I've been yonder technically three times; da farst time was ta visit my Aunt who is a fashion dezineer in Manhattan (www.RosieNeira.com) when she got married.* One of several farely similar incidents dat told me dis was durin da Halloween parade they have evary year in Manhattan. We had ta cross a road block ta git ta my aunt's apartment. My family got through okay but when I tried ta git through da police officer stopped me `n` asked me wher I thought was going. Now I'm from a mostly Spanish family `n` luk mow Spanish than most of said family too, `n` dis guy's attitude was farely clyear ta rid from his face, "I don't trust yew yew fuckin Mexican."
It is dis attitude I CONSTANTLY git screwed by in New York. Similar incidents have happened ta me `rounst da empire state, in da subway `n` on dis most recent trip in Newark customs wher I was spoken ta lik a criminal `n` pulled over ta have my bag searched licketdspliter than yew can say 'no hablo ingles, senior.' Funniest part is da guy who pulled me over luked exactly lik da one from Halloween night: Piggy, short, blond, somewher in his late 40s `n` indescribably sweaty. Maybe it was him again? I wonder if`n he remembered me too? Either way I also got stopped on da way out at customs fer a hand luggage search. It's a shame fer em as much as anythang as they ultimately missed da fact da 80 year old Texan woman behind me was smuggling enough crack ta put down da population of Cuba.
No soy Mejicano, pendejo.
Of course, da truth is I might be biassed by da fact I had been awake fer N ares too long `n` da areport had no caffeinated soda whut-so-ever but let's move on.
Impotent, interestin `n` relevant thangs I learned in America
- English people kaint say 'ass', 'dang', 'y'all', 'dude' er use any sort of Gangsta slang wifout sounding ridiculous.
- Monk is a weapon, a rule held sacred by all who DM in our extended circle of DnD players.
- da vast majority of contents inside Dungeons `n` Dragons manuals aur someone's masturbation fantasies published wif statistics attached.
- Distractin someone from makin a LiveJournal post can be a lot of fun. **
- I luk great in a red `n` black skirt `n` green eyeshadow. However, wearin a skirt outside on a cold day is *extremely* uncumfortable.
- I do NOT luk good in vinyl pants. fer gondolinchick01 and [Unknown LJ tag] anual Gothmas party I had ta git a pare of ridiculous goth Vinyl pants. Worst part is we had ta eventually venture in ta da horrors of Hot Topic fer dese `n` da smallest I could fin` were size 38. I'm size 30 `n` I'm not exactly anorexic.
- padparadscha is great fun ta tekk ta a movie.
- Everythang in America is ridiculously cheap cumprrrd ta England.
- England don`t know da true meanin of cold. England only reconS it knows da true meanin of cold.
- Wait staff will serve yew much quicker when yew're in drag out on da town.
- I'm very good at seducing men.
- I've committed enough sins ta keep me in confession until I'm an extremely old man.
- da previous two facts aur related.
- Despite dis I'm convinced dat God has lust fer evarythang.
- Hot Addiction is a serious problem in da western world.
- Kirsch is vile but can make exceptional cake `n` nearby glass explode when poured on a candle.
- Every one of my friends is particularly fond of da werd 'absconds'.
- Joseph Stalin as a role model will neither help yew collect sticks nor tekk over yore local school.
- Ph'nglui mglw'nafh Cthulhu R'lyeh wgah'nag fhtagn.
- My 4 month year old niece Phoebe's farst werd was 'bugger' `n` came on Christmas eve.
-Diversity is a werd uset by escaped mental patients ta describe da act of patronising minorities whilst keeping a straight face.
- In da mid-west Jello is considered food along wif finger bones jammed in ta a cat's brain `n` wrapped in a ribbon, tumor sauce `n` uncooked radish.
- It is entarly possible ta torture someone wif da 'Blimp song'.
- gondolinchick01 hands my ass ta me in Unreal Tournament 2K4 even worse than online. However, I can make her throw up by playing Sonic da Hedgehog hard enough.
- The League of Gentlemen virus has somehow spread across da Atlantic ocean. I fear fer da day da whole world is lik Roysten Vasey.
- Jhonen Vasquez wasn't hugged enough as a child.***
- Someone rewrote a The Hobbit set in outer space. A loud feminist rewrote The Hobbit `n` set it in outer space. A loud feminist rewrote The Hobbit, set it in outer space, changed most characters ta wimmen, had almost a polar opposyte writin style ta da massive exposition dat is Tolkien `n` had a tenuous grasp of most scientific concepts `n` yet it was an extremely entertainin read.
- I sound extremely strange singin Rammstein songs out loud.
- I don't crrr about da former, I just kaint help myself even when others cumplain.
- In America yew can browse an adult store three years b4 yew can legally drink. Unfortunately, as evidenced by havin ta wear ridiculous pants ta Gothmas I still found no killer skirt yonder.
- Most importantly: I am a very lucky person ta have gondolinchick01 in my life.