Fic: Sorry/Sticky/Sexy/Sweet
Laura looked down at the photo readouts of the gun camera footage from Kara’s viper. Earth. Allegedly. She realized that she wasn’t going to discover anything new in the pictures, having already scrutinized them in the past several days more times than she could count, but the point in this moment wasn’t to learn. The point in this moment was to fuel her frustration and to stoke her anger. She was mad, and she wanted to stay that way. Mad at the Cylons, mad at Baltar, mad at the Fleet, mad at Kara, mad at the cancer, but most of all mad at him.
She still could not believe the cruel things he had said to her. She could admit that her own words had been harsher than intended, but still, she was the one that was dying. But, in truth, that wasn’t what had made her so angry. The sting in the words would fade. She knew that. It was that he had left, and not just to cool off and sober up. No he stayed gone. Only sneaking back when she was not there. Acknowledging her, barely, only in public. For two whole days they played that game. He was a coward. She knew it. Never could face the hard truths. Never would be there at the end. And then, this morning, he had at last come back to face her. But it had been to confess rather than to apologize. He had sent Kara away to chase her vision. Behind her back. She had thrown him out. Not even able to look at him. He had left without protest. He didn’t even fight. He was weak.
She had thought about packing up and leaving. But she had decided not to give him the satisfaction - the relief. She was staying right here. Right in the frakking middle of his life. Until it broke him. And she didn’t care if it broke her too. She was dying. She had nothing left to lose. Perhaps she had never really had anything to begin with.
Bill marched towards his quarters. He couldn’t do this anymore. He was tired of running from the truth, from her. Tired of being afraid, and tired of being soft because of it. He was going to stop being the joke he knew he’d become to everyone around him, including her, especially her. And the only way to do that was to admit it, to own it. He knew that. Of course, it would destroy them both in the end. He knew that too. But sometimes you just have to take what you need and be grateful for it for as long as you’ve got it. But he was still scared. And he knew she was too. It was about damn time they gave in and just started being scared together.
She looked up from the table, which had become her makeshift desk, when he entered. He looked determined. Good. Maybe that would mean he’d finally stand and fight.
He could tell, as he looked at her, that she was spoiling for a fight. Good. They were going to settle this. Tonight. “Laura, we need to talk,” he told her, as he sat down.
“Oh, so now you want to talk. That’s rich, Bill,” she spat back at him.
“I deserve that I know,” he responded. “But we have to be able to talk to each other, Laura. We won’t be able to move forward if we don’t. And we have to get past this. Laura, you know that, as well as I do. So tell me what you are thinking. Please.” It wasn’t much of an olive branch, he knew, but he wasn’t good at heart-to-hearts. He never had been.
She couldn’t quite believe his nerve. Talk now? He had been the one to cut and run. “You want me to tell you what I’m thinking? Fine. Here goes,” and with that she boiled over, unleashing all her frustrations, of which there were many, on him. “I’m thinking that I’m sick of this, Bill. Sick and frakking tired of all of it. I’m sick of leading this fleet. I’m sick of having every one of their helpless and grasping lives resting on my head. I’m sick of dying for them, for them, and yet I’m the one who has to make sacrifices, the one who has to die with dignity. Godsdammit Bill, I’m just plain sick of being sick. And I’m sick of fighting with you, and then watching you slink off like some spoiled brat to hide from me, to hide from the ugliness. I’m sorry you had to choose between Kara and I. I’m sorry your son is running away from you. I’m sorry I’m dying on you and doing it right in your face. But be a frakking man about it. Our lives suck. Deal with it, because it’s not going to change. In fact, it is only going to get worse. And if you want to cut me down because of it then bring it on. Hate me if it helps. But don’t run away. And don’t go behind my back. Please respect me at least that much.” She stopped only because she needed her breath, not because she didn’t have more to say.
“I could never hate you, Laura.” Of all that she had said just now, the fair and the unfair, that implication is what hurt him the most.
“It would be easier if you did, Bill, because it’s all meanness and ugliness now. That’s all I have left. Look.” She tore a hunk of her hair from her head and held it out, taunting him with it. “See, ugliness. There is nothing that is going to change this. There is nothing that is going to help this. It is simply the price to be paid. And I have committed myself to paying it. Can you say the same, Bill?” He’d fold. She was sure of it.
“No,” he answered in a broken whisper, his heart shattering, as he looked at the auburn portent of her death, which rested limp in her hand.
“What?” she asked in a barbed tone. Her angry heart beginning to feast on the black satisfaction of this victory, a cancer of her own making.
“I said no.” This time he spoke forcefully. He realized that he had been overwhelmed again by the impossibility of being without her. And it made him angry. That was not what he had come for. He wasn’t giving up. Just because she was everything, didn’t mean he’d give her the easy way out. She needed him just as much as he needed her, even if they had both been too frakking stubborn and terrified to accept it.
“I thought as much,” she said icily. “Well don’t worry, there is room here on these dying shoulders to carry your weight too. I should have known that in the end you’d be too weak.” She stood up after she spoke. Ready to dismiss him. Ready to see him run away again.
He was not going to run. “I know what you are doing here, Laura. And it’s not going to work. I’m not giving up on you.” His own frustration was building.
“Well then you are a fool.” She didn’t believe that he’d stay.
He’d had enough of her challenges. “A fool. Maybe. But not anymore,” he warned. He stood suddenly, kicking over his chair as he did, loving the startled look on her face. He crossed over to her quickly, leaving only a sliver of space between them. Staring her down, his eyes on fire, he spoke at last. “No more hiding, Laura.” And then he grabbed her and kissed her. Hard. Kicking over her chair as he did.
She was shocked, but it took only a whisper of a moment for her to open her mouth to him, urging him onward with her own tongue. When they broke their kiss to gasp for breath, she rediscovered her defiance. “This won’t change anything, Bill,” she warned. But her message was undermined by her voice, which was thick with the passion that bruised her lips.
“Then why fight it?” he asked, staring back at her fiercely, his breath hot on her face. He left her no space for thought, for escape. He was going to frak her. Without mercy. Right here. Right now. He was done with denial. He was done with helplessness. He was playing for keeps from now on.
She couldn’t answer. Her emotions were too wild for her to make sense of them. Anger. Frustration. Fear. Lust. Relief. They all pulsed through her at once, and she was sure that he could feel the throbbing of each emotion at her core as he held her. She dropped her head in surrender. She was overwhelmed.
“That’s what I thought,” he said triumphantly. He dove at her again, pushing her chin back up and capturing her mouth with his own, as he tightened his hold on her and crushed her against him. He shoved a leg between hers to open her to him, grinding his hardness against her hip as he did. She whimpered when she felt him and it only inflamed him more. He had never felt this kind of unbidden passion before. It was so overwhelming that he wondered if he might hurt her. But he could not stop. He broke their kiss suddenly, and then he hoisted her up and dumped her onto the table.
The files and papers beneath her were rough and awkward against her back, but she made no attempt to move. She just lay there, looking back at him with daring eyes. She wanted him to take her. She wanted this to be all on him.
He looked down on her. She was flushed and breathing heavy, and her hair was splayed out around her face, so wild and fiery that he could make no sense of the dead strands she still clutched in her hand. He ran his hands along her thighs, pushing her skirt up with one and then reaching under with the other to touch her at her center. She was wet, which heightened his arousal further, surprising him for he did not think it possible for him to get any harder. He was beyond all his normal limits. He hooked a finger into her panties and pulled them swiftly down her legs and off, keeping his eyes on hers the entire time. Taking their dare.
He was going to reach back to thrust his fingers into her, to explore her and to tease her, but he thought better of it. He was too close already. Her eyes were destroying him. So he stepped back and tore open the buckle to his belt and pushed his pants and boxers to his knees, noting with pride the lust that flashed across her face, which she had now lifted to watch, when she saw him freed. That was it. He lunged towards her, grabbing her hips to pull her roughly against him and grunting when he felt her wetness slick against his length.
She moaned when she felt him crash against her, and although she had sworn that she would be passive, make him take her, she could not help herself as she lifted her legs around his waist and arched her back to ease his access. She needed him inside her.
He barely registered her invitation. He had entirely given himself over to his own lust. He shoved her skirt all the way above her waist, and then he quickly steadied her hips with one hand while he gripped himself with the other to guide himself inside her. He pushed into her roughly and swiftly, and he felt a flash of shame when he heard her gasp beneath him that stilled him momentarily. He looked down at her, ready to apologize for not letting her adjust to him, but she shocked him by clenching her muscles around him, forgiving him and urging him onwards at once. She had licked her lips and moaned when she did so, and that sight and sound paired with the sensation of her inner embrace erased the last bits of conscious thought from his mind. He began to thrust into her wildly.
She reached a hand back over her head to grasp the edge of the table and anchor herself. As she listened to him grunt and gasp as he pounded into her, she realized that he was lost in his own pleasure, his own battle, which was so intense that he was not even looking at her or touching her, except to hold her steady as he frakked her senseless. Senseless. That’s what she wanted too. She wanted to ride the delicious pain she felt in this moment, as he ground her into the hard surface of this table, into an oblivion that would release all the pain and frustration inside. So she gave herself up completely, closing her eyes and clutching him closer with her legs and shouting his name. And that surrender itself was enough, as she began to thrash beneath him, around him, with her release.
The moment he felt her come, he was lost. He spilled into her, spending himself entirely as he moaned her name. Suddenly exhausted, he loosened his bruising grip on her hips, letting go with one hand, continuing to brace her with the other, and sliding his arm along side her as he bent over and dropped his head onto her chest. Gasping for his own breath, he could feel her heart pounding against his cheek through her shirt. So alive. He wanted this forever.
The quivering in her sated body began to ease, and she returned to her senses, realizing then that Bill’s head rested on her chest in the closest they had come to a tender embrace since their fight-turned-frak had begun. She pushed away her own fear and uncertainty at what they had done here, already now edging into the corners of her mind, wanting to prolong this brief moment of affection to sustain her through whatever darkness was sure to follow. She knew that their passion here had been about their own demons and frustrations, and not about love, but she did love him, as she knew he did her, and she wanted to make that some part of this memory. So she brought her arms up to gently stroke his cheek and his hair with her hands.
Her touch relieved him, for he feared that she might think of what he had done as a violation. Perhaps she did anyway, but at least he knew that she had taken more from their joining than just anger. He wanted to be closer to her now - emotionally - while he still had his chance. Carefully, he straightened himself, pulling her up with him as he went, continuing to brace her at her hips, and then stepping back slightly to slip, regretfully, out of her. But before her legs could fall away from his waist and to the ground, he lifted her fully into his arms and kissed her deeply, before finally setting her back down on the table gently.
She looked up at him as she sat there, her legs trembling as they finally found their rest, feet now touching the floor. She knew she must have made a frightful sight, sweating and sticky from sex, hair mussed and lips swollen, shirt wrinkled and skirt hitched all the way above her waist, but she felt strangely beautiful, more beautiful than she had felt at any moment since death had begun stalking her again, perhaps more beautiful than she had felt in many years.
He could not believe how beautiful she was, as he looked down at her, and a flicker of regret flashed through his mind when he realized that he had not yet told her so, intensifying when he realized that he had taken her hungrily for himself but had not made love to her as she deserved. He wanted to make amends. He hoped that she did not hate him for his selfishness. He reached out and stroked her cheek. “You are so beautiful, Laura,” he told her. When he saw her smile, almost shyly, at his words, he leaned down, propping her chin up to him and kissed her softly, chastely, an echo of their first kiss. He knew the delicacy of the gesture was odd, given what they had just done, and considering that his pants were currently around his ankles, but it nevertheless felt right.
The kiss was perfect. It made her feel love in the moment, where before there had only been heat. She wondered if Bill knew her better than she knew herself, giving her exactly what she had hoped for to carry forward. So she stood, hugging him and whispering into his ear, telling him so in her own way. “No regrets, Bill,” she said softly, a command as much as a confession.
He was not sure if she simply meant to offer him absolution, or if her words indicated something more on her part. And he wanted more. Desperately. Given that he’d just ravished her, surely he could find the nerve to show her his heart. He pulled back from her to look intensely into her eyes, but as he started to speak, she silenced him with a finger to his lips, turning in his arms so that he was the one now sitting on the table with her facing him, looking down on him.
“No regrets, Bill, and no promises,” she told him. “Let’s just let this be enough for now.” She was afraid of breaking him, of breaking herself. It was wonderful to know that it was love between them, but it was foolhardy to admit it, to make it irrevocable. For she was going to die, of that she was certain. Why make it hurt so much - for her in the here and now, or for him for the rest of his days?
He was about to nod in agreement, in surrender to her good sense, when something caught his eye. For a moment, he wondered if he should just continue as if he hadn’t seen anything. He never knew exactly what to say or to do in situations like this. Okay, he had never been in a situation quite like this. This wasn’t your average unzipped fly or bit of food stuck between teeth. Nor was he in the midst of your average conversation. He quickly realized, however, that ignoring it wasn’t going to work, since he found himself utterly unable to tear his eyes away, especially once he realized that her coppery curls and miles of her creamy thigh were in his field of vision, forming part of this ridiculous yet magnificent composition. He was transfixed. And he was also in trouble, for there was something bubbling up from deep inside. Something he couldn’t hold back for long. Something he feared she might not easily forgive given the delicacy of their current circumstances.
She wondered what was wrong with him. They were in the middle of what could be mildly described as a serious moment, and now he was staring at her there with a peculiar sort of laughing leer. Maybe she had misread the depth of his feelings for her. She suddenly felt terribly exposed. “Bill, please stop,” she said with more vulnerability than she cared to admit to.
Her words snapped him to attention, and he looked up at her apologetically, trying desperately to suppress what was still rumbling to the surface. “I’m sorry, Laura, it’s just, well,” he began, knowing he had no choice now but to point out what she would momentarily figure out for herself anyway. He reached out and gently pulled off the photo readout that was stuck to her backside, holding it up between them for her to see. “I noticed this was out of place,” he finished. He hoped like hell she’d find the situation funny. He didn’t think he could handle anger, or gods help him tears, at this moment.
She snatched the offending item from his fingers, and as she looked down at the gun camera footage of Earth, she could feel an embarrassed flush erupting on her skin. But she quickly recognized the silliness of the situation, and a smile began to play at her lips, particularly when she remembered the look of bemused lust on Bill’s face when he had made his discovery.
“I think you should blame Kara for this,” he told her.
“Hmm. And why is that?” she asked, still looking down at the photo readout, but her smile starting to widen.
“Because you are already pissed at her,” he answered evenly, then pausing a beat, “and because she won’t care if it costs her a chance to frak you again.”
She looked up at him, taking in his toothy grin and flashing eyes, and she knew she couldn’t hold herself back long. “Are you sure you know Kara as well as you think you do?” she asked with an arched brow.
He stared back at her slack-jawed for the briefest moment, titillated by her innuendo, but then he returned to taunting her with his smile, waggling his eyebrows at her, daring her to go first, hoping she’d go first. And she did, dissolving into a fit of giggles that was music to his ears. He joined her almost immediately. Unable to hold back any longer, laughing so hard tears came to his eyes. He was happier than he had been in years. Which was strange, he realized, because ten minutes ago he had pretty much hated her guts, and he was sure that the feeling had been mutual. But, right here right now, he was crazy in love with the most beautiful woman in the universe, half naked, and increasingly confident that he was about to get lucky twice in one night. He felt twenty-five years younger, and he wanted very much to demonstrate for her what that meant. Sure it would likely all go to shit by morning when they woke up to the reality of her next Diloxin treatment, but for now he just didn’t care.
She couldn’t stop laughing. She was happier than she had been in years. Which was strange, she realized, because ten minutes ago her life had sucked more than she could have ever imagined possible. But, right here right now, she was crazy in love with the most wonderful man in the universe, half naked, and well aware that she was about to get lucky twice in one night. She felt twenty-five years younger, and she could tell that he’d noticed and that he liked what he saw. It was patently obvious that this was all incredibly reckless and ill considered, no doubt to end in worse heartbreak than they could ever possibly stand, but for now she just didn’t care.
As his laughter began to ebb, his desire began to intensify. He stood quickly from the table to take her into his arms, intending to march her directly to his rack where he’d divest her of the rest of her clothes, thanks be to the gods, and proceed to make love to her properly. But in formulating his plan, he failed to take into consideration the fact that his pants were still around his ankles. As he stepped towards her, he began to stumble.
She grabbed him in order to stop his fall, but given his size, the best she could do was blunt his collapse, going down with him as he went. As she lay on the ground on her back beside him, catching her breath, she determined that if it weren’t for the fact that they had already had fantastic sex tonight, she’d be certain they were jinxed.
He lay face down, a mouthful of carpet, humiliated. He ran his hand along her side, his arm having landed across her middle, checking to be certain he had not hurt her. “Are you alright?” he asked, his voice muffled, since he was too embarrassed to lift his head and look at her. He got no immediate response, but after a moment he heard her giggling.
As she looked up to check on him, she could not believe her eyes. “Oh my gods, Bill,” she forced out, tears forming in the corners of her eyes as she laughed.
“I take it that means you’re fine,” he said, still staring down at his rug at close range. She continued to chortle. “Laura,” he finally responded, as he listened to her give vent to her amusement, “I know you are an experienced woman, so I shouldn’t have to tell you that laughter at a moment like this is, um, counterproductive,” he finished, voice still muffled.
“I’m sorry, Bill, but your ass,” she forced out through her giggles and tears.
He might have taken those words as his cue to die right there, but his curiosity got the best of him as he reached back to check on just what the frak she was talking about. That’s when he felt it. He could not believe it when he pulled into view a photo readout of the gun camera footage of Earth. “Hey, you put that there,” he protested, as he swiftly pulled her part way under him with the arm that already held her, and looked down at her accusingly.
“I most certainly did not,” she said, looking back up at him. trying to muster something approximating indignance, as her laughter eased. “Look,” she said, as she reached over to grab the readout she had dropped when they fell. “See,” she offered, riding out a few last spasms of amusement, as she settled back under him, “this one’s mine, and that one’s,” she continued motioning to his other hand, “yours.”
He noted how impossibly adorable she was in this moment. “You think you’re pretty cute, don’t you?” he asked her, rediscovering his arousal.
“I have my moments,” she answered, grinning back up at him lasciviously.
He quickly captured her mouth with a kiss. He wasn’t going to let her keep the upper hand for long. As he began to trail soft kisses down her neck, he was surprised when she started to giggle again. “What?” he asked, somewhat exasperated, still concentrating on her neck, refusing to be stopped from his latest exploration.
“I just realized,” she answered, murmuring a bit at his touch as she spoke, “that even if I kick off before we get there, I can still say I got lucky on Earth.”
He felt a quick, sharp pang at her words, as he pulled his head up to look down at her. He was relieved and happy to see that her expression was playful, and although he spoke lightly in reply, his eyes burned with intensity. “You are going to get lucky on Earth many times, Laura, I promise.”
“So say we all,” she said, smiling back at him, this time sweetly.
“So say we all,” he echoed gently. He reached down and kissed her again. Before their tongues could get properly tangled, however, he sat up suddenly and went to work on untying his boots.
“What are you doing?” she asked, as she sat part way up, resting on her elbows while watching him, frustrated at the loss of his attention to her lips.
“Making sure we get this right this time,” he answered. He kicked off his boots and pulled off his pants and underwear, and then he offered her a hand and pulled her up off the floor. “You are wearing too much,” he told her, as he started unbuttoning his uniform top. It was really more of an order than an observation.
“I guess so,” she answered, her voice husky when she glanced down to his waist and noted that he’d fully recovered from the embarrassment of a few minutes ago. She had wanted to take her time in undressing, tease him as she went, but she found herself racing him to disrobe, more eager to be with him again than she’d like to admit.
His eyes raked hungrily up and down her naked body. Gods she was sexy. He knew that already, but this was a more wonderful confirmation of his long held belief on the matter than he had ever imagined. He hoped for the willpower needed to take his time.
She loved the way he was looking at her. Hungry. Decadent. She was sure that he could see the same in her eyes, for she too liked very much what she now saw.
Looking at her, he was struck by sudden inspiration. He reached out and pulled her into his arms and then, dipping his shoulder, he picked her up and tossed her over it.
“What the hell are you doing?” she asked, laughing into his back.
“You belong in my rack,” he announced, as he carried her to it and dumped her roughly there. He marveled at the sight of her beneath him, but he did not pounce right away, instead turning back toward the living area on an important mission.
“Where are you going?” she asked, as much in frustration as amusement, as she watched him scurry over to pick up the two photos of Earth and then head back towards her grinning.
“Never too early to start the count,” he suggested when he returned to her side, reaching down and shoving the readouts beneath the mattress.
“Very cute,” she said, as she looked up at him, noting his satisfied smirk. But now she was ready to get on to more serious foreplay. “Now get down here, soldier, and get to work,” she ordered.
“Yes, sir,” he replied immediately in a clipped, military tone. He opted, however, to offer his president a non-traditional salute.
The End! Comments always welcome.