Fic: Deeper Meanings Part 11
Title: Deeper Meanings
Pairing: Brittany / Santana
Rating: 18/M
Summary: Deeper meanings behind Santana. Domestic violence exists in this fic.
Spoilers: There's nothing in this chapter, unless you count the slushie that Rachel got in the pilot as a spoiler:P
A/N Firstly this is the chapter that has this story court up with where I've posted up to on fanfiction, which also means that updates are going to be slower cos I haven't finished writing the next chapter next, so be patient with me. Secondly I have a warning to make this chapters isn't that happy, I don't really want to give anything away but I feel I really should warn people before reading this chapter there is talk about suicide and I don't want anyone to just stumble across that without me warning first cos I found it hard to write, I nearly cried writing it. So here it is and let me know what you think of it, your words are like crack to me - although having never taken crack I'm not sure that's a good analogy but I think you get the point.
Part 1 / Part 2 / Part 3 / Part 4 / Part 5 / Part 6 / Part 7 / Part 8 / Part 9 / Part 10
Santana nervously sat at Brittany's kitchen table, head resting against her arms. She knew that coming with Brittany was stupid, not stupid because she didn't trust Brittany, but stupid because somehow her brother would find out she had been there, whether it be through Alec and his 'army' of jocks, or by some other means. Then when he found out, she knew that he'd tell their parents something, anything that would mean she'd be in for it, and she knew this time it would be worse, because the other times he persuaded them to do something they were all him showing her what he could do.
Even when he wasn't home he had a terrifying amount of power over her. Either using his warped friendship with Alec to control her in school, or his 'perfect son' routine that had their parents wrapped around his finger.
Neither girl had spoken a single word to each other after they left the bathroom, not that Santana did much talking there to begin with. Brittany had called Quinn and somehow managed to reassure her that it was 'sorted', Santana recalled thinking if this whole situation could ever be sorted.
But since being released by Quinn, who did at least have a sheepish look on her face, getting into Santana's car, parking the car at Santana's house to them walk to Brittany's from there, to now; being sat at the Pierce's kitchen table. The house was silent, which was unusual, but as Brittany's younger sister was still at school and her mum at work - it wasn't that surprising.
Brittany sat debating how to successfully feed Santana. She couldn't cook anything, her mum had banned her from using the oven and the microwave, she didn't really think making her a sandwich was good enough right now. Which left one potion - takeout. So while Santana sat sorting through her feelings Brittany sat opposite her sorting through takeout menus trying to find one that was; A) open, and B) Something Santana would like.
A few minutes later Brittan finally settled on pizza. IT was the only food, besides breadsticks that Santana didn't have to be in a certian mood to eat. Silently slipping our of the room Brittany called and ordered two large pizzas, one; cheese, the other; pepperoni.
Once the order had been made Brittany made her way back into the kitchen, taking place on her stool again. She knew it was difficult fir Santana, somehow the girl had agreed to come here with her. It was a huge up on the way everything had been going lately. If Quinn had told Brittany about the idea before locking her in a bathroom with her ex she'd have expected that talking to the girl would have resulted in getting a smack in the face. She wasn't about to start pushing now, she'd take what she could get and hope that Santana let her in enough to help.
"I ordered us some pizza in. You're going to eat it. If you don't I'll call Rachel and get her to bring her smurf family over to annoy you till you do."
Santana had never been more glad about Brittany's ability to know when to drop the serious stuff and just be frank. With a small smile, something that felt so alien to the brunette, she replied, "Berry's not a smurf Britt."
After gaining a reaction from the very quiet girl, Brittany decided to go full out on her next comment; "Nuh uh, she totally is, I once saw her going into the bathroom all blue and wet. Clearly it rained and her make up washed off showing her true smurf self underneath."
The serious look and way that Brittany had said her theory had the Latina seriously believing that Brittany thought what she was saying was correct. Santana only realised that she did not, due to the glint that was in her eye and how the corner of Brittany's mouth twitched as if to smile. The relief, from knowing that she didn't believe it and the humour from the statement had Santana laughing a full bellied laugh.
She abruptly stopped when she actually heard the sound of it, having not laughed in such a long time the sound was actually foreign to her own ears. Which in turn caused another awkward silence to spring between them. This one was broken by the door bell which signaled the arrival of the pizza.
------------
They'd finished eating, Brittany wasn't completely satisfied with how much Santana had eaten - it was at least half of what she used to eat when she was over, but at least it was something.
After shoving the left over pizza in the fridge, Brittany found the brunette sat on her sofa deep in thought. Eying the spot next to her, the blonde quietly and genitally sat down.
Santana who hadn't been used to people being near her without some sort of agenda flinched when she felt someone sit close to her. It wasn't because it was Brittany, it was just she was so far in her own thoughts that she had completely forgotten where she was.
"I'm sorry." The words were quick to leave Brittany's moth as she started to move to sit in a different chair on the room, mentally berating herself for being so stupid.
"No!" Santana's sudden outcry surprised both girls, "Don't please. Can you just hold me? Please?"
Her voice sounded so lost and broken that it made Brittany just want to cry, it broke her heart that much. She settled back onto the sofa and as Santana moved and curled into her she wrapped her arms around the small frame that belonged to her best friend.
A few moments of silence passed where Santana just listened to Brittany's heart beat from where her head was pressed to the blonde's chest. "Alec made me dump you. At first he threatened that'd he'd hurt you. I don't think he meant physically, but he definitely mentioned slushies, dumpster diving, whirlies, patriotic wedges and I couldn't let all that happen to you, just because you were with me."
Brittany wanted to just interrupt her so much and tell her that she didn't care, she would have been able to take it all and more but knew that Santana was talking and if she was seriously talking she wasn't about to interrupt her and maybe result in her closing up again. So she settled for slightly tightening her arms, making sire that Santana knew she was there and she wasn't about to just let her go.
"The competition I missed was because Andre took me to these homophobic talks, about how unnatural and wrong it is. He even made me have a one to one with one of the priests. The whole thing just made me feel like so much crap, that like I really wasn't worthy and that my parents have been right all along, and then on the way back home, her told me that Alec was his eyes and ears for him while I was at school, that anything I do he'd know and that if I didn't do what he or Alec told me then he'd say something to our parents and I'd get a punishment, when we got back he proved her could do it."
Both girls were quietly crying, tears pouring down their faces. Santana was preparing to tell more to Brittany, she needed to say it, because she knew if she didn't do it now then she might never get the courage to do it again, and Brittany needed to know, had to understand what's been going on through the last couple of months. She felt so safe in Brittany's arms, on her sofa, it made her feel protected.
"I couldn't eat properly, not without feeling sick. A couple of weeks ago I stole, I though about.." Santana's voiced drifted off as she buried her head into Brittany's chest. A few deep breaths later Santana managed to whisper what she meant to say quietly into the wet shirt. She half hoped that Brittany wouldn't hear her. "Ending it all."
Despite Brittany not saying anything, Santana knew she had heard, she knew because she heard when Brittany's heart actually skipped a beat, and she felt Brittany's arms hold her closer, as if she'd disappear at any moment. She knew Brittany didn't know what to say and she had to keep talking because she was only going to tell all this once.
"When I was sitting there staring at the bottle I'd taken from my dad, thinking, and then I saw the picture of glee club from Sectionals last year, how happy we all looked, I looked and I remembered the pledge I made myself; that one day it would get better on day I'd escape them, with you. I knew that if I gave up no then what was the point? I still knew there was no way I could talk to you, not with the limited control I used to have over my life being taken away from me by Andre. I just had to hope that you'd still be there in another year and a half. But Britt, I can't wait that long any more, not after today, not after this. I need you too much."
It was clear that Santana had finished her talk which meant that Brittany had to say something. Well she didn't have to, she could tell that Santana wasn't expecting her to say something she just felt the need to say something. "i'm never going anywhere, never again, I don't care how hard you push I'm not letting go." Her voice sounding so odd to her own ears, she'd never heard herself sound so upset and serious all in one. She'd also never wanted to hurt anyone as much as she now wanted to with everyone who'd been hurting her Santana.
"I can't go home Britt."
"You're always allowed to spend the nigh, you know that."
"No Britt, I mean ever."
Part 12
Pairing: Brittany / Santana
Rating: 18/M
Summary: Deeper meanings behind Santana. Domestic violence exists in this fic.
Spoilers: There's nothing in this chapter, unless you count the slushie that Rachel got in the pilot as a spoiler:P
A/N Firstly this is the chapter that has this story court up with where I've posted up to on fanfiction, which also means that updates are going to be slower cos I haven't finished writing the next chapter next, so be patient with me. Secondly I have a warning to make this chapters isn't that happy, I don't really want to give anything away but I feel I really should warn people before reading this chapter there is talk about suicide and I don't want anyone to just stumble across that without me warning first cos I found it hard to write, I nearly cried writing it. So here it is and let me know what you think of it, your words are like crack to me - although having never taken crack I'm not sure that's a good analogy but I think you get the point.
Part 1 / Part 2 / Part 3 / Part 4 / Part 5 / Part 6 / Part 7 / Part 8 / Part 9 / Part 10
Santana nervously sat at Brittany's kitchen table, head resting against her arms. She knew that coming with Brittany was stupid, not stupid because she didn't trust Brittany, but stupid because somehow her brother would find out she had been there, whether it be through Alec and his 'army' of jocks, or by some other means. Then when he found out, she knew that he'd tell their parents something, anything that would mean she'd be in for it, and she knew this time it would be worse, because the other times he persuaded them to do something they were all him showing her what he could do.
Even when he wasn't home he had a terrifying amount of power over her. Either using his warped friendship with Alec to control her in school, or his 'perfect son' routine that had their parents wrapped around his finger.
Neither girl had spoken a single word to each other after they left the bathroom, not that Santana did much talking there to begin with. Brittany had called Quinn and somehow managed to reassure her that it was 'sorted', Santana recalled thinking if this whole situation could ever be sorted.
But since being released by Quinn, who did at least have a sheepish look on her face, getting into Santana's car, parking the car at Santana's house to them walk to Brittany's from there, to now; being sat at the Pierce's kitchen table. The house was silent, which was unusual, but as Brittany's younger sister was still at school and her mum at work - it wasn't that surprising.
Brittany sat debating how to successfully feed Santana. She couldn't cook anything, her mum had banned her from using the oven and the microwave, she didn't really think making her a sandwich was good enough right now. Which left one potion - takeout. So while Santana sat sorting through her feelings Brittany sat opposite her sorting through takeout menus trying to find one that was; A) open, and B) Something Santana would like.
A few minutes later Brittan finally settled on pizza. IT was the only food, besides breadsticks that Santana didn't have to be in a certian mood to eat. Silently slipping our of the room Brittany called and ordered two large pizzas, one; cheese, the other; pepperoni.
Once the order had been made Brittany made her way back into the kitchen, taking place on her stool again. She knew it was difficult fir Santana, somehow the girl had agreed to come here with her. It was a huge up on the way everything had been going lately. If Quinn had told Brittany about the idea before locking her in a bathroom with her ex she'd have expected that talking to the girl would have resulted in getting a smack in the face. She wasn't about to start pushing now, she'd take what she could get and hope that Santana let her in enough to help.
"I ordered us some pizza in. You're going to eat it. If you don't I'll call Rachel and get her to bring her smurf family over to annoy you till you do."
Santana had never been more glad about Brittany's ability to know when to drop the serious stuff and just be frank. With a small smile, something that felt so alien to the brunette, she replied, "Berry's not a smurf Britt."
After gaining a reaction from the very quiet girl, Brittany decided to go full out on her next comment; "Nuh uh, she totally is, I once saw her going into the bathroom all blue and wet. Clearly it rained and her make up washed off showing her true smurf self underneath."
The serious look and way that Brittany had said her theory had the Latina seriously believing that Brittany thought what she was saying was correct. Santana only realised that she did not, due to the glint that was in her eye and how the corner of Brittany's mouth twitched as if to smile. The relief, from knowing that she didn't believe it and the humour from the statement had Santana laughing a full bellied laugh.
She abruptly stopped when she actually heard the sound of it, having not laughed in such a long time the sound was actually foreign to her own ears. Which in turn caused another awkward silence to spring between them. This one was broken by the door bell which signaled the arrival of the pizza.
------------
They'd finished eating, Brittany wasn't completely satisfied with how much Santana had eaten - it was at least half of what she used to eat when she was over, but at least it was something.
After shoving the left over pizza in the fridge, Brittany found the brunette sat on her sofa deep in thought. Eying the spot next to her, the blonde quietly and genitally sat down.
Santana who hadn't been used to people being near her without some sort of agenda flinched when she felt someone sit close to her. It wasn't because it was Brittany, it was just she was so far in her own thoughts that she had completely forgotten where she was.
"I'm sorry." The words were quick to leave Brittany's moth as she started to move to sit in a different chair on the room, mentally berating herself for being so stupid.
"No!" Santana's sudden outcry surprised both girls, "Don't please. Can you just hold me? Please?"
Her voice sounded so lost and broken that it made Brittany just want to cry, it broke her heart that much. She settled back onto the sofa and as Santana moved and curled into her she wrapped her arms around the small frame that belonged to her best friend.
A few moments of silence passed where Santana just listened to Brittany's heart beat from where her head was pressed to the blonde's chest. "Alec made me dump you. At first he threatened that'd he'd hurt you. I don't think he meant physically, but he definitely mentioned slushies, dumpster diving, whirlies, patriotic wedges and I couldn't let all that happen to you, just because you were with me."
Brittany wanted to just interrupt her so much and tell her that she didn't care, she would have been able to take it all and more but knew that Santana was talking and if she was seriously talking she wasn't about to interrupt her and maybe result in her closing up again. So she settled for slightly tightening her arms, making sire that Santana knew she was there and she wasn't about to just let her go.
"The competition I missed was because Andre took me to these homophobic talks, about how unnatural and wrong it is. He even made me have a one to one with one of the priests. The whole thing just made me feel like so much crap, that like I really wasn't worthy and that my parents have been right all along, and then on the way back home, her told me that Alec was his eyes and ears for him while I was at school, that anything I do he'd know and that if I didn't do what he or Alec told me then he'd say something to our parents and I'd get a punishment, when we got back he proved her could do it."
Both girls were quietly crying, tears pouring down their faces. Santana was preparing to tell more to Brittany, she needed to say it, because she knew if she didn't do it now then she might never get the courage to do it again, and Brittany needed to know, had to understand what's been going on through the last couple of months. She felt so safe in Brittany's arms, on her sofa, it made her feel protected.
"I couldn't eat properly, not without feeling sick. A couple of weeks ago I stole, I though about.." Santana's voiced drifted off as she buried her head into Brittany's chest. A few deep breaths later Santana managed to whisper what she meant to say quietly into the wet shirt. She half hoped that Brittany wouldn't hear her. "Ending it all."
Despite Brittany not saying anything, Santana knew she had heard, she knew because she heard when Brittany's heart actually skipped a beat, and she felt Brittany's arms hold her closer, as if she'd disappear at any moment. She knew Brittany didn't know what to say and she had to keep talking because she was only going to tell all this once.
"When I was sitting there staring at the bottle I'd taken from my dad, thinking, and then I saw the picture of glee club from Sectionals last year, how happy we all looked, I looked and I remembered the pledge I made myself; that one day it would get better on day I'd escape them, with you. I knew that if I gave up no then what was the point? I still knew there was no way I could talk to you, not with the limited control I used to have over my life being taken away from me by Andre. I just had to hope that you'd still be there in another year and a half. But Britt, I can't wait that long any more, not after today, not after this. I need you too much."
It was clear that Santana had finished her talk which meant that Brittany had to say something. Well she didn't have to, she could tell that Santana wasn't expecting her to say something she just felt the need to say something. "i'm never going anywhere, never again, I don't care how hard you push I'm not letting go." Her voice sounding so odd to her own ears, she'd never heard herself sound so upset and serious all in one. She'd also never wanted to hurt anyone as much as she now wanted to with everyone who'd been hurting her Santana.
"I can't go home Britt."
"You're always allowed to spend the nigh, you know that."
"No Britt, I mean ever."
Part 12