FIC: What Andy Knew
Title: What Andy Knew
Based On: Torchwood
Characters: Rhys, Ianto, Gwen, Jack, Andy, Owen, Banana Boat
Rating: R
Beta: luvinthe88and20
Disclaimers: I do not own Torchwood or the characters therein, they belong to the BBC and RTD. Any original characters and places are my property.
Summary: Torchwood makes strange bedfellows, in many ways.
Author's Note: This story began when I was trying to come up with a story for pinkfairy727's birthday. (HAPPY BIRTHDAY DEAR!). I wanted something with Andy in it and then those nice Welsh boys and this is what ensued. I hope you all enjoy it!
What Andy Knew
Rhys rolled over onto his side, his fingers gripping the sheets. His head felt like it was still spinning as well as his stomach. Cracking one eye open, he took in the sunlight streaming in the window of his bedroom and his retina wanted to burn away. He snapped the eyelid shut and burrowed his head down into his pillow, delighting in the softness of his bed. His and Gwen’s bed.
Gwen! Rhys let out a groan and flipped over until he was lying on his other side and staring at the lump under the blanket next to him. He really hoped she hadn’t needed to bail him out for making a right arse of himself at Langtry’s again. Trying to ignore the throbbing inside his skull, Rhys put a hand on her shoulder.
“Gwen, love, listen…” His mouth felt dry, really dry, but he hated when she wasn’t curled up against him, he had to make things right. “Sweetheart, I’m sorry if I got a wee bit smashed last night. Banana called and he wanted to go out so I said I would meet him down the street.”
He slipped his hand under the blanket and went straight for her backside - that always seemed to distract her. Rhys grabbed her arse and stopped. It didn’t feel like Gwen’s arse to him. Pulling his hand away, Rhys tugged the blanket down and found himself looking at a short crop of dark hair. His eyes trailed down the firm, bare, shoulder to naked chest and up to the face-
“Oh shit! Bastard!” Rhys scrambled up, trying to get make a clean get away when he realized he was naked as well. In his attempt to grab the sheet as cover, he only succeeded in tangling himself up in the sheet and fell backwards off the bed, hitting his head on the dresser.
Hearing the other person moving in the bed, he yanked at the sheet, covering himself up. Rhys held his head where the lump would soon be visible, and tried to not look at the individual he had been sleeping with, especially as he realized they had both been naked.
“Oh, this is so not good,” Ianto slurred from the bed.
“What the bloody hell are you doing in my bed and where the fuck is Gwen?” Rhys winced as his own yell cut into his head like a chainsaw.
Ianto sat up against the headboard, keeping the blanket over his lap. “I wish I knew. I take it you can’t shed any light on the situation?”
Rhys hauled himself up from the floor, using the dresser as support. He fumbled with the sheet, tying it around his waist. Hands on his hips, chest heaving, Rhys looked at the clock on the bedside table and saw that it was after 10:00 in the morning.
“Bastard Torchwood.”
“You assume Torchwood has something to do with this?”
“I have a hunch,” Rhys responded. He looked around for his mobile, but could not find it. “What the fuck is going on?”
“Please, don’t yell,” Ianto stammered, grabbing at his own head.
“What? Your head hurt?” Rhys dropped onto the bed, making it move. “How about your stomach, too?” Rhys bounced up and down on the bed, making it shake violently. He nearly crowed in delight, watching Ianto’s face turn many shades of green until the nausea kicked him in the gut.
Rhys clutched at his stomach, and doubled over the side of the bed, gulping down lungfuls of air, trying to resist the urge to vomit all over the carpet. Once the waves of cramping had subsided, Rhys slid himself back and leaned against the headboard himself.
“Did that make you feel better?” Ianto asked through clenched teeth.
“No,” Rhys stated.
“Then don’t do it again,” Ianto said, his voice harsher than the look he gave Rhys. “Okay,” he stated, leaning his head back and closing his eyes. “We need to figure out what happened last night. Since my mobile is probably wherever my trousers are, why don’t we call the Hub and start there?”
“If they knew what was going on, why didn’t they stop us from… you know…”
Ianto let out a sigh. “We don’t even know if they realize what is happening, but we need to find out.”
“Fine,” Rhys harrumphed. “The phone is in the front of the flat.” Rhys pushed himself up and paused a moment as he got his feet back under him. He tromped to the closed bedroom door and swung it open, taking a couple of steps out into the flat.
That was when he saw Gwen’s worried face staring at him from the settee. Rhys’ mind went into overdrive and he stumbled back into the bedroom and slammed the door shut, slumping against it. Ianto jumped up and then proceeded to grab a nearby chair for support.
“What is it? What’s going?” Ianto demanded.
“Rhys, sweetheart, why don’t you and your lover come out here and join us for breakfast?” Gwen called from the other side of the door.
“Well, at least we know she’s alive,” Ianto snarked.
“But if she’s out there and not in here trying to wake us up, what the bloody hell happened last night?” Rhys’ mind whirled with all the possibilities, each idea one he did not want to admit to.
Ianto suddenly looked at him. “Wait. Did she say ‘come join us’ for breakfast?”
Rhys thought about it for a moment and let out an audible groan. Before he could say anything, there was a pounding on the door that shook his body and hurt his head again.
“If you’re going to be making those noises this early, we’re coming in there then,” Jack Harkness called out from the flat.
“That’s yours,” Rhys said to Ianto.
“That’s mine,” Ianto replied as he pulled open Rhys’ closet.
“What the bloody - What are you doing?” Rhys asked as Ianto pulled out a pair of jeans and one of Rhys’ rugby jerseys.
“I don’t know about you, but considering we have no idea what’s going on, I thought I would greet them with more on than a blanket,” Ianto stated as he tossed a pair of jeans to Rhys. “Now, I hate to ask it, but do you have any pants I can borrow?”
Rhys grumbled under his breath as he tossed a pair of boxer shorts to Ianto, who turned his back and slipped them on. Rhys grabbed a black pair of briefs for himself and hurriedly threw them on, along with the jeans. Rather than facing Ianto, Rhys grabbed a t-shirt and put that on. Standing by the door he looked back at Ianto, and saw the younger man holding up the jeans with his hand. Rhys let out a sigh and snatched up a belt, handing it to Ianto who smiled sheepishly. On top of everything else, Rhys now felt like a big bloated bastard.
When they had both finished dressing, Rhys and Ianto tentatively stepped out into the flat, where they found Gwen and Jack staring at them from the kitchen. Well, Gwen glared, and Jack just looked intrigued. Jack and Gwen exchanged a look with each other, while Rhys shuffled over and sat down on the settee. Ianto plopped down in the chair, staring at his bare feet.
“Somebody want to tell us what’s going on?” Both Gwen and Ianto asked at the same time.
Ianto’s head snapped up as Jack came around the couch. “You don’t know what happened?” Ianto asked.
“Oh, we can assume what happened,” Jack said, holding his hands behind his back. “Especially from how we found you in bed.” Rhys could feel a blush creep up his cheeks. “But, knowing both of you, if that did happen, something caused it to happen. What can you tell us about last night?”
Rhys scrunched up his face, trying to remember. “Banana called, said he had put a bet down on the match on Swansea, and he wanted support as he found out the results.” Rhys scratched his head. “I remember leaving you a note and headed out. I was meeting up with him down on the corner. We were headed to Langtry’s, and I don’t remember much after that.” Rhys buried his head in his hands.
“Ianto?” Jack queried.
“I was headed home when Tosh texted me about a Rift surge. It was two blocks from where I was, so…” Ianto looked up Jack as he stopped talking.
“Yes?” Jack asked as he sunk his hands into his trouser pockets.
“I decided to check it out before I went back to the Hub.”
“Or waited for back-up,” Jack said, his voice so hard it made Rhys look up.
“Where was this disturbance?” Rhys asked.
“A couple blocks from Langtry’s,” Gwen replied. She sat down next to Rhys, taking his hand in hers. “I thought you were safe all night. You said you were going to bed early since you had that new hire coming in today. When I got home and saw your note saying you were going to Langtry’s…” She looked at him, her brown eyes full of worry.
Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Jack crouched down next to Ianto, speaking with him in hushed tones. Ianto looked rebuffed.
“And when I went in there and saw you asleep, I felt so relieved,” Gwen stated. When I saw you with your arm around Ianto though, I felt a little worried.”
“You felt worried?”
“A little.”
“Worried? Then?”
“Yeah,” she said holding her thumb and forefinger up, spread apart a smidge, “a little.”
Jack’s mobile rang and he stood up, moving to the front hallway, answering it. Rhys couldn’t hear what he was saying, but grew nervous as Jack kept shooting him and Ianto furtive looks. Jack finally hung up, and was headed towards them when the doorbell to the flat rang.
“That should be your friend Andy,” Jack replied, nodding at Gwen.
Gwen got up and buzzed him in. “Andy? Why would Andy be here? Jack, what’s going on?”
“That was Tosh and Owen,” Jack said, shaking his mobile at them. “Apparently Andy has an idea of what happened last night.”
“Oh bloody hell,” Rhys muttered.
“Why couldn’t you just use CCTV to track me?” Ianto asked.
“CCTV was blacked out by whatever caused the Rift surge,” Jack responded. “Thusly, why we were all worried about what had happened to you, since the only time you answered your mobile you muttered something incoherent that none of Tosh’s translation programs could decipher and then hung up. Then we found your abandoned car…”
“I see,” Ianto said as Gwen let PC Andy Davidson into the flat.
“Police Constable Davidson,” Jack greeted him. “Tosh tells me you know what happened last night, do you want to fill the rest of us in?”
“I thought you would have been with your medic checking out the resident spooky-do,” Andy said.
“Owen can handle it himself,” Jack stated.
“I was just bringing the guys back their stuff,” Andy said, holding out two evidence bags: one with Rhys’ name on it and one with Ianto’s name on it.
Rhys grabbed his bag and was relieved to find his wallet and mobile, along with his keys. Ianto pulled out some similar items, and also something that looked like some major blackberry or something. Rhys’ put his stuff down on the end table.
“Andy?” Gwen questioned, her voice soft.
“Sorry, the rest of your things, and your clothes were unreturnable.” Andy flipped his hat in his hand, holding it.
“What happened?” Ianto asked.
“You really don’t remember?” Andy looked from Ianto to Rhys. Rhys shook his head no. “Wow, that thing really got you last night, didn’t it?”
“What thing?” Ianto said.
“One of your alien things,” Andy replied. “Once I got you two settled it took me nearly all night to track it down.” Andy turned to Gwen. “Davies wanted to go after it, he was so ready, but after what it did to these blokes, I figured he was safer the further away he was from the… spookiness.”
“Davies was always jumping to conclusions. I’m afraid what he would have done if he stumbled upon anything actually paranormal,” Gwen stated.
“Probably shit himself, and then concoct some amazing story, ten times bigger than it should be,” Andy replied.
“Okay! Enough with the office talk! Can someone please tell me what happened last night?” Jack gave all of them a stern look.
“Right. Right then,” Andy started. “Sometime after midnight we got several calls at the station about four blokes out carousing and making too much noise. Two old guys figured they had come from closing time at Langtry’s.”
Rhys let out a groan and slumped further against the couch. Across the room he saw Ianto put his head in the palm of his hand. Rhys had a bad feeling about where this was going.
“So, when I get there and see Rhys and one of you lot I had a funny feeling, and I tried approaching them,” Andy said as he pointedly looked at Rhys and Ianto. “But you were talking nonsense and you,” Andy said as he pointed straight at Ianto. “You were singing Bon Jovi.”
“Really? Any specific song or was it more of a medley?” Jack asked.
“Jack!” Gwen glared at him.
“Just curious,” Jack replied. “Go on.”
“The two other blokes kept right on walking, and I yelled at them to stop, but off they went. I started to chase them, but these two stayed standing in the street. I hurried back to them and it was then that I noticed the smell.” Andy tossed his hat down on the coffee table.
“The smell?” Ianto asked.
“Good God, there was a smell,” Rhys replied.
“It wasn’t bad at first, smelled almost like marshmallows,” Andy said. “Then it got rank, and really bad. Then your clothes started disintegrating.”
“Bloody hell…” Rhys slumped so far down on the settee, his chin was in his chest.
“You two were bloody useless,” Andy stated. “You kept mumbling and trying to grab me, and talking about unicorns,” Andy said looking right at Ianto. He then turned his attention to Rhys, “and Candy Mountain.”
Rhys’ arm stung from where Gwen had hit him. “You said you never watched that video!”
“Anyway, I figured it wouldn’t be fair on Gwen if I took them into the station in that condition and I still had to find the other two, since I swore I saw glowing orange eyes. I tried ringing your mobile, but you wouldn’t answer,” Andy said.
“How was I to know it was about this?” Gwen nearly whined.
“Knowing your flat was close by, and where you keep the spare key since that time at Verity-“
“What time at Verity?” Rhys asked, sitting up.
“Never you mind,” Gwen said, waving her hand at Rhys. “Go on Andy.”
“I steered them up the street, both of them trying to hug me, and their clothes being eaten away by this sludge. Nearly had them back here when we passed Reverend Roberts hurrying home. Then Rhys decided to shout ‘Cymru am Byth’ and the other followed up with ‘Cnycha Diawl.’”
“Oh God! I’ll never be able to show my head around here again.”
“Especially considering what they were showing off by that point, but I think Roberts has his own worries, or so his bit on the side would say,” Andy said, a smirk on his face.
“Go on,” Jack said, rolling his eyes.
“Anyway, got them up here and figured it would be good to get whatever is dissolving clothing off of them, so I shoved ‘em into the shower stall and turned it on.”
“Together?” Rhys asked.
“I didn’t know what it was going to do. So you two washed up-“
“You watched us?”
“No, but I listened to make sure no one died. You two sure giggle a lot in the shower.”
Rhys shared a horrified look with Ianto. He knew he never giggled except when Gwen touched that special spot which was behind his- He was suddenly very grateful Andy did not feel the need to watch.
“Clothes Andy!” Gwen nearly screeched at him.
“What?”
“Why didn’t you give them any new clothes? Rhys has a closet full in there!”
“They were hugging me without any clothes on Gwen! And I had to still go out and find your alien!” Andy stared at Gwen, mouth open, chin out, and then turned his attention back to Rhys and Ianto. “You want to tell me what drugs you were on and where you got them?”
“Drugs?”
“They way you were acting, how hyper you were, but with the loss of motor ability, your eyes were dilated… I know these things, I am a cop.” Andy put his hands on his hips.
Rhys opened his mouth to say something, anything. He didn’t know what he could say. All he could do was defend himself and say that he would never willingly take drugs. Yet, he doubted Andy would believe him.
“Andy, Rhys would never do such a thing, at least not willingly,” Gwen said.
Rhys turned and smiled at Gwen, loving his wife even more for defending him. Next to him, Ianto let out a little grunt.
“Ianto, too,” Gwen filled in. “Really? Andy…”
“I know what I saw last night, Gwen,” Andy stated. “I took part of your clothing back in to the station - your things were embedded in the vomit-“
“Did you say vomit?” Ianto asked.
“Yeah. You should know better than to mix beer and drugs, and chips. It didn’t sit well in someone’s stomach. But the lab also found psychotropic drugs in there.” Andy looked from Ianto to Rhys, like he was waiting for one to answer. “You know, LSD, Meth, PCP.” Andy rolled his eyes. “Well, then, that’s when Davies got so hot and bothered so I heaved the two of ‘em into the bed and they passed out right away. I stuck a blanket between them, knowing Rhys is married and all, and locked up.”
The doorbell to the flat rang and none of them moved. It rang again, and Jack gestured at Gwen.
“Aren’t you going to answer it?” Jack asked.
“I’m afraid to,” Gwen replied as she marched over to the intercom. “Hello?”
“Yeah, it’s me,” Owen Harper’s voice crackled through the intercom.
“I thought you were at the station?” Gwen asked, shooting a quizzical look at Jack. Jack just shrugged his shoulders.
“I was. I have a new guest for the cells, and I have a package for your husband to do with,” Owen said, an exasperated tone in his voice.
Gwen punched the buzzer with her finger and opened the door a crack. She ambled back towards the group. Rhys pushed himself up off the settee, and took a moment as his head swam around outside his brain. Gwen took him by the arm and held him steady. He hugged her.
“Whatever happened, I’m sorry love,” Rhys said.
“Touching, but that doesn’t still tell us what happened exactly,” Jack stated, arms folded across his chest.
“Maybe I can shed some light on that,” Owen said as he pushed a very exhausted looking Banana Boat into the flat.
Banana was Rhys’ best mate and even then he had never seen the man this tanked before. The grey, police issue sweatpants and shirt did not help how he looked. Banana’s eyes were still dilated and he was grinning like a bigger idiot than he normally was.
“Yeah, that’s one of the two I picked up this morning,” Andy said excitedly. “Is he the alien?”
“Tosh would say he was, but no, he’s not. Although, it’s a good thing I was the only official in the cell with the two of them when the other one changed shape.”
“Oh God! A shapeshifter?” Gwen squeezed Rhys tightly.
“Close, I think,” Owen stated as he dropped Banana to the settee.
Banana curled up into the foetal position, muttering some incoherent ramblings about candy floss, rugby, and Jane Austen. When the man began to drool on the pillows, Rhys was finally able to tear his eyes away from the spectacle.
“I did get this picture of them curled together. Thought Tosh would like to see it,” Owen said. Catching Rhys’ eye he quickly changed his tone. “Purely scientific of course.”
Owen popped open his mobile and found the picture, showing it to them. Rhys had leaned forward to see it, but quickly pulled back. What that thing had been doing to Banana was disgusting.
“Bloody hell,” Rhys muttered.
“What is it doing?” Ianto asked.
“How cute,” Jack said, grabbing up his coat. “It’s a little baby.”
“That, that, is a baby?” Gwen sputtered.
“Yep,” Jack said. “And I think we should get it back to the Hub since it’s apparently feeding time.”
“How can you tell?” Gwen still held tight to Rhys.
“What else do you think it’s trying to do with Banana’s-“
“Bloody Torchwood,” Rhys exclaimed. “Is he going to be okay?”
“Might be a little sensitive for a couple of days, and he might have some weird cravings for the next 24 hours, but he’ll be fine,” Jack stated. “Trust me.”
“So, you’re just taking this over?” Andy questioned.
“Yep,” Owen said as he exited the door. “We should go, I don’t know how long naptime will last.”
“Come on Ianto,” Jack said, holding out a hand. “You and I still have a lot to discuss, boss to employee.”
Ianto looked down at his bare feet and then up at Andy, as his toes wiggled.
“Any clothing was destroyed, including shoes,” Andy stated.
“They don’t have materials like clothing and shoes on that planet, no wonder it didn’t survive the baby spew,” Jack replied.
“Take a pair of Rhys’. They’re on the mat by the door,” Gwen replied.
“I trust you to take care of these two,” Jack said to Gwen as he held the door open for Ianto.
“Yes, Jack,” Gwen said as she looked from Rhys to Andy.
“Good,” Jack said as he put a hand on Ianto’s back as they both left the flat, the door closing behind them.
Gwen let out a sigh and disentangled herself from Rhys. “I’ll get a blanket for Banana,” she said as she headed into their bedroom.
There was several seconds of silence, suddenly punctuated by a loud snore from Banana. Rhys gave up and crashed into the chair, trying to keep his head still in his skull. He watched as Andy picked up his cap and put it on his head.
“Well, at least you’re okay,” Andy said and headed for the door. “I just wonder when they’ll ask about the other baby we picked up an hour ago that looks like the bloke you guys were with last night.” Andy then called out, “See you Gwen,” and exited.
Rhys looked at the door Andy had just left through, his mouth hanging open.
Based On: Torchwood
Characters: Rhys, Ianto, Gwen, Jack, Andy, Owen, Banana Boat
Rating: R
Beta: luvinthe88and20
Disclaimers: I do not own Torchwood or the characters therein, they belong to the BBC and RTD. Any original characters and places are my property.
Summary: Torchwood makes strange bedfellows, in many ways.
Author's Note: This story began when I was trying to come up with a story for pinkfairy727's birthday. (HAPPY BIRTHDAY DEAR!). I wanted something with Andy in it and then those nice Welsh boys and this is what ensued. I hope you all enjoy it!
What Andy Knew
Rhys rolled over onto his side, his fingers gripping the sheets. His head felt like it was still spinning as well as his stomach. Cracking one eye open, he took in the sunlight streaming in the window of his bedroom and his retina wanted to burn away. He snapped the eyelid shut and burrowed his head down into his pillow, delighting in the softness of his bed. His and Gwen’s bed.
Gwen! Rhys let out a groan and flipped over until he was lying on his other side and staring at the lump under the blanket next to him. He really hoped she hadn’t needed to bail him out for making a right arse of himself at Langtry’s again. Trying to ignore the throbbing inside his skull, Rhys put a hand on her shoulder.
“Gwen, love, listen…” His mouth felt dry, really dry, but he hated when she wasn’t curled up against him, he had to make things right. “Sweetheart, I’m sorry if I got a wee bit smashed last night. Banana called and he wanted to go out so I said I would meet him down the street.”
He slipped his hand under the blanket and went straight for her backside - that always seemed to distract her. Rhys grabbed her arse and stopped. It didn’t feel like Gwen’s arse to him. Pulling his hand away, Rhys tugged the blanket down and found himself looking at a short crop of dark hair. His eyes trailed down the firm, bare, shoulder to naked chest and up to the face-
“Oh shit! Bastard!” Rhys scrambled up, trying to get make a clean get away when he realized he was naked as well. In his attempt to grab the sheet as cover, he only succeeded in tangling himself up in the sheet and fell backwards off the bed, hitting his head on the dresser.
Hearing the other person moving in the bed, he yanked at the sheet, covering himself up. Rhys held his head where the lump would soon be visible, and tried to not look at the individual he had been sleeping with, especially as he realized they had both been naked.
“Oh, this is so not good,” Ianto slurred from the bed.
“What the bloody hell are you doing in my bed and where the fuck is Gwen?” Rhys winced as his own yell cut into his head like a chainsaw.
Ianto sat up against the headboard, keeping the blanket over his lap. “I wish I knew. I take it you can’t shed any light on the situation?”
Rhys hauled himself up from the floor, using the dresser as support. He fumbled with the sheet, tying it around his waist. Hands on his hips, chest heaving, Rhys looked at the clock on the bedside table and saw that it was after 10:00 in the morning.
“Bastard Torchwood.”
“You assume Torchwood has something to do with this?”
“I have a hunch,” Rhys responded. He looked around for his mobile, but could not find it. “What the fuck is going on?”
“Please, don’t yell,” Ianto stammered, grabbing at his own head.
“What? Your head hurt?” Rhys dropped onto the bed, making it move. “How about your stomach, too?” Rhys bounced up and down on the bed, making it shake violently. He nearly crowed in delight, watching Ianto’s face turn many shades of green until the nausea kicked him in the gut.
Rhys clutched at his stomach, and doubled over the side of the bed, gulping down lungfuls of air, trying to resist the urge to vomit all over the carpet. Once the waves of cramping had subsided, Rhys slid himself back and leaned against the headboard himself.
“Did that make you feel better?” Ianto asked through clenched teeth.
“No,” Rhys stated.
“Then don’t do it again,” Ianto said, his voice harsher than the look he gave Rhys. “Okay,” he stated, leaning his head back and closing his eyes. “We need to figure out what happened last night. Since my mobile is probably wherever my trousers are, why don’t we call the Hub and start there?”
“If they knew what was going on, why didn’t they stop us from… you know…”
Ianto let out a sigh. “We don’t even know if they realize what is happening, but we need to find out.”
“Fine,” Rhys harrumphed. “The phone is in the front of the flat.” Rhys pushed himself up and paused a moment as he got his feet back under him. He tromped to the closed bedroom door and swung it open, taking a couple of steps out into the flat.
That was when he saw Gwen’s worried face staring at him from the settee. Rhys’ mind went into overdrive and he stumbled back into the bedroom and slammed the door shut, slumping against it. Ianto jumped up and then proceeded to grab a nearby chair for support.
“What is it? What’s going?” Ianto demanded.
“Rhys, sweetheart, why don’t you and your lover come out here and join us for breakfast?” Gwen called from the other side of the door.
“Well, at least we know she’s alive,” Ianto snarked.
“But if she’s out there and not in here trying to wake us up, what the bloody hell happened last night?” Rhys’ mind whirled with all the possibilities, each idea one he did not want to admit to.
Ianto suddenly looked at him. “Wait. Did she say ‘come join us’ for breakfast?”
Rhys thought about it for a moment and let out an audible groan. Before he could say anything, there was a pounding on the door that shook his body and hurt his head again.
“If you’re going to be making those noises this early, we’re coming in there then,” Jack Harkness called out from the flat.
“That’s yours,” Rhys said to Ianto.
“That’s mine,” Ianto replied as he pulled open Rhys’ closet.
“What the bloody - What are you doing?” Rhys asked as Ianto pulled out a pair of jeans and one of Rhys’ rugby jerseys.
“I don’t know about you, but considering we have no idea what’s going on, I thought I would greet them with more on than a blanket,” Ianto stated as he tossed a pair of jeans to Rhys. “Now, I hate to ask it, but do you have any pants I can borrow?”
Rhys grumbled under his breath as he tossed a pair of boxer shorts to Ianto, who turned his back and slipped them on. Rhys grabbed a black pair of briefs for himself and hurriedly threw them on, along with the jeans. Rather than facing Ianto, Rhys grabbed a t-shirt and put that on. Standing by the door he looked back at Ianto, and saw the younger man holding up the jeans with his hand. Rhys let out a sigh and snatched up a belt, handing it to Ianto who smiled sheepishly. On top of everything else, Rhys now felt like a big bloated bastard.
When they had both finished dressing, Rhys and Ianto tentatively stepped out into the flat, where they found Gwen and Jack staring at them from the kitchen. Well, Gwen glared, and Jack just looked intrigued. Jack and Gwen exchanged a look with each other, while Rhys shuffled over and sat down on the settee. Ianto plopped down in the chair, staring at his bare feet.
“Somebody want to tell us what’s going on?” Both Gwen and Ianto asked at the same time.
Ianto’s head snapped up as Jack came around the couch. “You don’t know what happened?” Ianto asked.
“Oh, we can assume what happened,” Jack said, holding his hands behind his back. “Especially from how we found you in bed.” Rhys could feel a blush creep up his cheeks. “But, knowing both of you, if that did happen, something caused it to happen. What can you tell us about last night?”
Rhys scrunched up his face, trying to remember. “Banana called, said he had put a bet down on the match on Swansea, and he wanted support as he found out the results.” Rhys scratched his head. “I remember leaving you a note and headed out. I was meeting up with him down on the corner. We were headed to Langtry’s, and I don’t remember much after that.” Rhys buried his head in his hands.
“Ianto?” Jack queried.
“I was headed home when Tosh texted me about a Rift surge. It was two blocks from where I was, so…” Ianto looked up Jack as he stopped talking.
“Yes?” Jack asked as he sunk his hands into his trouser pockets.
“I decided to check it out before I went back to the Hub.”
“Or waited for back-up,” Jack said, his voice so hard it made Rhys look up.
“Where was this disturbance?” Rhys asked.
“A couple blocks from Langtry’s,” Gwen replied. She sat down next to Rhys, taking his hand in hers. “I thought you were safe all night. You said you were going to bed early since you had that new hire coming in today. When I got home and saw your note saying you were going to Langtry’s…” She looked at him, her brown eyes full of worry.
Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Jack crouched down next to Ianto, speaking with him in hushed tones. Ianto looked rebuffed.
“And when I went in there and saw you asleep, I felt so relieved,” Gwen stated. When I saw you with your arm around Ianto though, I felt a little worried.”
“You felt worried?”
“A little.”
“Worried? Then?”
“Yeah,” she said holding her thumb and forefinger up, spread apart a smidge, “a little.”
Jack’s mobile rang and he stood up, moving to the front hallway, answering it. Rhys couldn’t hear what he was saying, but grew nervous as Jack kept shooting him and Ianto furtive looks. Jack finally hung up, and was headed towards them when the doorbell to the flat rang.
“That should be your friend Andy,” Jack replied, nodding at Gwen.
Gwen got up and buzzed him in. “Andy? Why would Andy be here? Jack, what’s going on?”
“That was Tosh and Owen,” Jack said, shaking his mobile at them. “Apparently Andy has an idea of what happened last night.”
“Oh bloody hell,” Rhys muttered.
“Why couldn’t you just use CCTV to track me?” Ianto asked.
“CCTV was blacked out by whatever caused the Rift surge,” Jack responded. “Thusly, why we were all worried about what had happened to you, since the only time you answered your mobile you muttered something incoherent that none of Tosh’s translation programs could decipher and then hung up. Then we found your abandoned car…”
“I see,” Ianto said as Gwen let PC Andy Davidson into the flat.
“Police Constable Davidson,” Jack greeted him. “Tosh tells me you know what happened last night, do you want to fill the rest of us in?”
“I thought you would have been with your medic checking out the resident spooky-do,” Andy said.
“Owen can handle it himself,” Jack stated.
“I was just bringing the guys back their stuff,” Andy said, holding out two evidence bags: one with Rhys’ name on it and one with Ianto’s name on it.
Rhys grabbed his bag and was relieved to find his wallet and mobile, along with his keys. Ianto pulled out some similar items, and also something that looked like some major blackberry or something. Rhys’ put his stuff down on the end table.
“Andy?” Gwen questioned, her voice soft.
“Sorry, the rest of your things, and your clothes were unreturnable.” Andy flipped his hat in his hand, holding it.
“What happened?” Ianto asked.
“You really don’t remember?” Andy looked from Ianto to Rhys. Rhys shook his head no. “Wow, that thing really got you last night, didn’t it?”
“What thing?” Ianto said.
“One of your alien things,” Andy replied. “Once I got you two settled it took me nearly all night to track it down.” Andy turned to Gwen. “Davies wanted to go after it, he was so ready, but after what it did to these blokes, I figured he was safer the further away he was from the… spookiness.”
“Davies was always jumping to conclusions. I’m afraid what he would have done if he stumbled upon anything actually paranormal,” Gwen stated.
“Probably shit himself, and then concoct some amazing story, ten times bigger than it should be,” Andy replied.
“Okay! Enough with the office talk! Can someone please tell me what happened last night?” Jack gave all of them a stern look.
“Right. Right then,” Andy started. “Sometime after midnight we got several calls at the station about four blokes out carousing and making too much noise. Two old guys figured they had come from closing time at Langtry’s.”
Rhys let out a groan and slumped further against the couch. Across the room he saw Ianto put his head in the palm of his hand. Rhys had a bad feeling about where this was going.
“So, when I get there and see Rhys and one of you lot I had a funny feeling, and I tried approaching them,” Andy said as he pointedly looked at Rhys and Ianto. “But you were talking nonsense and you,” Andy said as he pointed straight at Ianto. “You were singing Bon Jovi.”
“Really? Any specific song or was it more of a medley?” Jack asked.
“Jack!” Gwen glared at him.
“Just curious,” Jack replied. “Go on.”
“The two other blokes kept right on walking, and I yelled at them to stop, but off they went. I started to chase them, but these two stayed standing in the street. I hurried back to them and it was then that I noticed the smell.” Andy tossed his hat down on the coffee table.
“The smell?” Ianto asked.
“Good God, there was a smell,” Rhys replied.
“It wasn’t bad at first, smelled almost like marshmallows,” Andy said. “Then it got rank, and really bad. Then your clothes started disintegrating.”
“Bloody hell…” Rhys slumped so far down on the settee, his chin was in his chest.
“You two were bloody useless,” Andy stated. “You kept mumbling and trying to grab me, and talking about unicorns,” Andy said looking right at Ianto. He then turned his attention to Rhys, “and Candy Mountain.”
Rhys’ arm stung from where Gwen had hit him. “You said you never watched that video!”
“Anyway, I figured it wouldn’t be fair on Gwen if I took them into the station in that condition and I still had to find the other two, since I swore I saw glowing orange eyes. I tried ringing your mobile, but you wouldn’t answer,” Andy said.
“How was I to know it was about this?” Gwen nearly whined.
“Knowing your flat was close by, and where you keep the spare key since that time at Verity-“
“What time at Verity?” Rhys asked, sitting up.
“Never you mind,” Gwen said, waving her hand at Rhys. “Go on Andy.”
“I steered them up the street, both of them trying to hug me, and their clothes being eaten away by this sludge. Nearly had them back here when we passed Reverend Roberts hurrying home. Then Rhys decided to shout ‘Cymru am Byth’ and the other followed up with ‘Cnycha Diawl.’”
“Oh God! I’ll never be able to show my head around here again.”
“Especially considering what they were showing off by that point, but I think Roberts has his own worries, or so his bit on the side would say,” Andy said, a smirk on his face.
“Go on,” Jack said, rolling his eyes.
“Anyway, got them up here and figured it would be good to get whatever is dissolving clothing off of them, so I shoved ‘em into the shower stall and turned it on.”
“Together?” Rhys asked.
“I didn’t know what it was going to do. So you two washed up-“
“You watched us?”
“No, but I listened to make sure no one died. You two sure giggle a lot in the shower.”
Rhys shared a horrified look with Ianto. He knew he never giggled except when Gwen touched that special spot which was behind his- He was suddenly very grateful Andy did not feel the need to watch.
“Clothes Andy!” Gwen nearly screeched at him.
“What?”
“Why didn’t you give them any new clothes? Rhys has a closet full in there!”
“They were hugging me without any clothes on Gwen! And I had to still go out and find your alien!” Andy stared at Gwen, mouth open, chin out, and then turned his attention back to Rhys and Ianto. “You want to tell me what drugs you were on and where you got them?”
“Drugs?”
“They way you were acting, how hyper you were, but with the loss of motor ability, your eyes were dilated… I know these things, I am a cop.” Andy put his hands on his hips.
Rhys opened his mouth to say something, anything. He didn’t know what he could say. All he could do was defend himself and say that he would never willingly take drugs. Yet, he doubted Andy would believe him.
“Andy, Rhys would never do such a thing, at least not willingly,” Gwen said.
Rhys turned and smiled at Gwen, loving his wife even more for defending him. Next to him, Ianto let out a little grunt.
“Ianto, too,” Gwen filled in. “Really? Andy…”
“I know what I saw last night, Gwen,” Andy stated. “I took part of your clothing back in to the station - your things were embedded in the vomit-“
“Did you say vomit?” Ianto asked.
“Yeah. You should know better than to mix beer and drugs, and chips. It didn’t sit well in someone’s stomach. But the lab also found psychotropic drugs in there.” Andy looked from Ianto to Rhys, like he was waiting for one to answer. “You know, LSD, Meth, PCP.” Andy rolled his eyes. “Well, then, that’s when Davies got so hot and bothered so I heaved the two of ‘em into the bed and they passed out right away. I stuck a blanket between them, knowing Rhys is married and all, and locked up.”
The doorbell to the flat rang and none of them moved. It rang again, and Jack gestured at Gwen.
“Aren’t you going to answer it?” Jack asked.
“I’m afraid to,” Gwen replied as she marched over to the intercom. “Hello?”
“Yeah, it’s me,” Owen Harper’s voice crackled through the intercom.
“I thought you were at the station?” Gwen asked, shooting a quizzical look at Jack. Jack just shrugged his shoulders.
“I was. I have a new guest for the cells, and I have a package for your husband to do with,” Owen said, an exasperated tone in his voice.
Gwen punched the buzzer with her finger and opened the door a crack. She ambled back towards the group. Rhys pushed himself up off the settee, and took a moment as his head swam around outside his brain. Gwen took him by the arm and held him steady. He hugged her.
“Whatever happened, I’m sorry love,” Rhys said.
“Touching, but that doesn’t still tell us what happened exactly,” Jack stated, arms folded across his chest.
“Maybe I can shed some light on that,” Owen said as he pushed a very exhausted looking Banana Boat into the flat.
Banana was Rhys’ best mate and even then he had never seen the man this tanked before. The grey, police issue sweatpants and shirt did not help how he looked. Banana’s eyes were still dilated and he was grinning like a bigger idiot than he normally was.
“Yeah, that’s one of the two I picked up this morning,” Andy said excitedly. “Is he the alien?”
“Tosh would say he was, but no, he’s not. Although, it’s a good thing I was the only official in the cell with the two of them when the other one changed shape.”
“Oh God! A shapeshifter?” Gwen squeezed Rhys tightly.
“Close, I think,” Owen stated as he dropped Banana to the settee.
Banana curled up into the foetal position, muttering some incoherent ramblings about candy floss, rugby, and Jane Austen. When the man began to drool on the pillows, Rhys was finally able to tear his eyes away from the spectacle.
“I did get this picture of them curled together. Thought Tosh would like to see it,” Owen said. Catching Rhys’ eye he quickly changed his tone. “Purely scientific of course.”
Owen popped open his mobile and found the picture, showing it to them. Rhys had leaned forward to see it, but quickly pulled back. What that thing had been doing to Banana was disgusting.
“Bloody hell,” Rhys muttered.
“What is it doing?” Ianto asked.
“How cute,” Jack said, grabbing up his coat. “It’s a little baby.”
“That, that, is a baby?” Gwen sputtered.
“Yep,” Jack said. “And I think we should get it back to the Hub since it’s apparently feeding time.”
“How can you tell?” Gwen still held tight to Rhys.
“What else do you think it’s trying to do with Banana’s-“
“Bloody Torchwood,” Rhys exclaimed. “Is he going to be okay?”
“Might be a little sensitive for a couple of days, and he might have some weird cravings for the next 24 hours, but he’ll be fine,” Jack stated. “Trust me.”
“So, you’re just taking this over?” Andy questioned.
“Yep,” Owen said as he exited the door. “We should go, I don’t know how long naptime will last.”
“Come on Ianto,” Jack said, holding out a hand. “You and I still have a lot to discuss, boss to employee.”
Ianto looked down at his bare feet and then up at Andy, as his toes wiggled.
“Any clothing was destroyed, including shoes,” Andy stated.
“They don’t have materials like clothing and shoes on that planet, no wonder it didn’t survive the baby spew,” Jack replied.
“Take a pair of Rhys’. They’re on the mat by the door,” Gwen replied.
“I trust you to take care of these two,” Jack said to Gwen as he held the door open for Ianto.
“Yes, Jack,” Gwen said as she looked from Rhys to Andy.
“Good,” Jack said as he put a hand on Ianto’s back as they both left the flat, the door closing behind them.
Gwen let out a sigh and disentangled herself from Rhys. “I’ll get a blanket for Banana,” she said as she headed into their bedroom.
There was several seconds of silence, suddenly punctuated by a loud snore from Banana. Rhys gave up and crashed into the chair, trying to keep his head still in his skull. He watched as Andy picked up his cap and put it on his head.
“Well, at least you’re okay,” Andy said and headed for the door. “I just wonder when they’ll ask about the other baby we picked up an hour ago that looks like the bloke you guys were with last night.” Andy then called out, “See you Gwen,” and exited.
Rhys looked at the door Andy had just left through, his mouth hanging open.