Inappropriate Words
Title: Inappropriate Words
Verse: Further Interruptions
Fandom: Fullmetal Alchemist
Pairing: Roy/Ed
Summary: This, the family they had and the love they shared, was well worth a few inappropriate words.
Notes: @kzellr continues to make me a happy writer by giving me such awesome feedback on my writing. Mistakes all mine because she rocks as a beta. And doesn’t get mad when I send her like… 4 stories at once :P
“Did you hear that?”
Ed whispered the words to Roy’s ear but he still wasn’t sure he had. Because surely, General Stanton, a man Roy disliked with a quiet fervor, wouldn’t be laughing if he’d heard what he thought he did.
Roy looked at his brother-in-law’s proud face and the mischief in his eyes and realized that, oh yes. Roy had heard right.
Ed was going to be so pissed.
***
“You’re such a prancing peacock!” Tishy exclaimed to the wife of a Parliament member that Roy had been having a hard time with.
Roy’s mouth hung open in surprise at the girl holding his hand but before he could apologize, the woman laughed. “Oh, the things children pick up these days!”
Tishy walked away before Roy could say anything, and somehow, Alphonse showed up at the right moment to sweep her away before Roy could admonish her.
***
Roy watched from a few feet away as Ed’s mouth dropped open and the ambassador from Drachma belted out a guttural laugh. Tishy ran over at just the right time to grab Maes’ hand and pull him away from Ed before he could begin to reprimand the boy.
The words still rung in Roy’s ear though. Maes had listened to the man speaking to his Father before he’d smiled at him, given him his sweetest smile, and said “You’re such a moronic waste of breath.”
The ambassador was still laughing and Ed looked around until his eyes found Roy’s. His husband was mortified and Roy had to bite his lip to keep himself from laughing.
His children were going to be the death of him, but he would probably die laughing. It was a good way to go.
***
“Do you think they’re doing it on purpose?” Roy asked when he had a moment alone with Ed. The gala would start to die down soon and Roy preferred to leave while it was still in its swing, to remind everyone that he was, in fact, the life of the party and everything would inevitably be far less interesting without him there. Plus, his children were being a menace.
And his husband was dressed in a three-piece suit and Roy wanted to, very slowly and painstakingly, peel every piece of it off of him with his teeth.
“What do you think?” Ed bit back the words so only Roy would hear, but there was fire in his tone that let Roy know that yes, he thought the twins were very aware of it.
They were standing together, the Führer’s most disliked opponents utterly charmed by his children. Tishy in her pretty little red ball gown and her hair all done up in bows, with her brother in a suit that mimicked his Father’s completely, but where Ed’s tie and vest were red, his son’s were gold.
The parliament leader’s wife and three other members of their political circle were standing around their children, who seemed to have come to the rescue of Alex Louis Armstrong.
“You’re such a fucking moron,” Maes said to the woman in front of him in his sweetest voice.
Tishy nodded her head, curls bouncing around her as she smiled at the politicians. “Fucking simplistic morons,” she agreed.
“Children!” Alex exclaimed, but the circle laughed.
As everyone had been doing all night. Because everyone knew that the former Fullmetal Alchemist had a foul tongue, and they were all delighted to see the rumors that his children had followed suit were true.
What no one realized was that, while it was funny, the twins had targeted every person that had ever disagreed with Roy and publicly talked trash about them, while getting them to laugh at it.
Ed was fuming, Armstrong was handling this latest incident, and Roy did the only thing he could do. He pulled Ed close and buried his face in his husband’s neck and let himself laugh softly where no one else could hear.
Everyone knew how affectionate he was with his husband and Roy took advantage now, because if the politicians knew he was laughing at them getting verbally abused by his children, they’d never forgive it.
“You fucking Bastard,” Ed whispered into his ear. He could feel his husband’s anger ebbing though and a soft chucked escaped him. “I can’t believe you’re laughing about this.”
“They are your children,” Roy reminded him.
“I did not teach them that.” He poked Roy in the ribs and it only made him laugh more.
“Bastard, stop it! You can’t laugh!”
“They’re only speaking the words I wish I could,” he admitted in Ed’s ear.
And that admission seemed to be Ed’s breaking point because then he was laughing against Roy’s chest and he knew it was wrong, but he loved this man so much, his family so damned much, and they were perfect, no matter how foul-mouthed any of them were.
“My, where did you get such language?” one of the wives asked, a foppish smile on her lips.
“My Father,” Maes said with a nod.
“My Dad says it’s a good thing his mouth is good for other things or he’d tape his mouth shut every time he swore,” Tishy agreed.
The adults were silent and Ed looked up at Roy, eyes wide and a blush spreading beautifully across his cheeks. That was totally Roy’s fault. He just didn’t realize the children had ever heard him say it.
“He speaks five languages, did you know that?” Maes added after a moment of stunned silence.
There was a nervous ring of laughter as Alphonse swooped in and saved them all from the rest of the conversation.
“Excuse me, but the Führer is getting ready to leave and he needs his lovely children to get their coats,” he said as he took each by the hand and led them out of the room.
When Alphonse’s eyes met Roy’s there was a promise of a long talking too.
“You are so screwed.” Roy looked at Ed and his husband, while still red in the face, was smiling. At least his brother’s wrath had bought some good will with his husband.
“Just promise me that you’ll tell the twins I love them after your brother murders me.”
“Oh, he won’t kill you. He likes the way you’re running the country. We do happen to know a phenomenal automail mechanic though, so maiming isn’t off the table.”
Roy groaned for show, but in truth he wasn’t looking forward to this at all. His relationship with Alphonse was very good, except when it wasn’t and things treaded back to rough days between them.
“I’ll talk to the children tomorrow,” Roy promised Ed. “And I’ll make it up to you.”
Ed looked at his husband and pressed a kiss to his lips. “How?”
“Maybe,” he said as he brushed his lips over Ed’s ear, “I’ll show you exactly how good I am with my mouth.”
“You’re on, Bastard,” Ed said as he pulled back with a smile.
Roy pulled him close, a hand in his hair and a smile he couldn’t seem to hold back. “I love you, Gold,” he said, too soft for anyone else to hear.
“Love you too, you Bastard.” Ed said the words plenty loud enough for everyone to hear.
***
Alphonse nearly cried when he heard it start, but each time he listened, it was the same. People didn’t know. They didn’t get it. And before each and every incident, Alphonse watched Maes and Tishy pick their next target.
They might look like Ed, but they were Roy Mustang’s children, through and through. At seven, they went through the military gala and gave a tongue lashing on their Dad’s behalf that not a single person would hold them, or their fathers responsible for. Because they were so damn charming.
“Really, it’s so cute the way they get confused over the language,” one woman had said.
“It’s hardly surprising, the way the Führer’s husband uses the term Bastard like an endearment. They have no idea of what they’re saying. It could get them into trouble someday, but they are the sweetest things. Did you see the way their son took Mrs. Ansom’s hand, kissed it gently, and called her ‘such a beautiful gold-digging tramp?’ It was priceless. And accurate.”
The gossip began. Completely orchestrated by his niece and nephew.
He was going to have to enlist some help to keep an eye on them. Their Dad and Father were worried enough about their use of alchemy and all the ways that could go wrong. Neither had seen the way their minds moved and manipulated as easy as breathing, like their Dad. Alphonse could take that burden on himself.
So when they were done for the evening, Alphonse tucked them into their jackets and waited as the Führer and his husband said their goodbyes. He kissed them both on the top of the head and they looked up with suddenly sleepy eyes.
“You guys have fun tonight?” he asked.
“The best!” Tishy answered.
“It was awesome!” Maes agreed.
Alphonse loved these kids. They were everything he never thought his brother would have. Alphonse had watched him over the years, always afraid because, while Ed was known as Fullmetal, his heart was fragile and it had been beaten too many times. He was happy now, happy and healthy and he loved his life. That was all Alphonse could want for him.
“Come to my place tonight?” Al asked the kids.
“Yeah!” They cried out in unison.
Because Alphonse knew the look in his brother’s eyes from earlier and he knew he’d appreciate some time alone with his husband.
When they joined the Führer and his brother, Alphonse smiled. “I’ll take the twins for a sleepover if you don’t mind.”
“Thanks, Al,” Ed said to him as Roy was pulled into one last conversation for the night.
“Just tell the Führer to make time for me when I drop the kids off tomorrow. We have a few things to discuss.”
Roy looked back at him, having heard the words even if he didn’t respond with more than a widening of the eyes.
Alphonse smiled. “See you tomorrow, Brother!”
Ed hugged him and kissed his kids good night. Roy finished his conversation and said his good nights to the children as well.
Alphonse watched them walk away and Tishy sighed. “They’re going to be gross again.”
“Always,” Maes agreed.
“Good thing you have an Uncle who’s ready to steal you away when they get like that.”
“Really, Uncle Al, you don’t have to live under the same roof,” Tishy pointed out.
“They’re always like that,” Maes reminded him.
Alphonse laughed then, because, over the years, he’d seen Roy and Ed come through a lot and he’d doubted they could ever be happy. This, the family they had and the love they shared, was well worth a few inappropriate words.