His Heart Never Did
Title: His Heart Never Did
Verse: Further Interruptions
Fandom: Fullmetal Alchemist
Pairing: Roy/Ed
Summary: He refused to let the man turn him into some tragic story. Ed had defeated far worse creatures than Roy Mustang and he would bounce back from this too.
One phone call and it was done. It was a simple call, but everything else had become so damn complicated. Ed didn’t know if he was doing the right thing or not. The only thing he did know was that he couldn’t stay.
“Ed?”
Ed didn’t look up from his packing. He didn’t want Alphonse to see the red-rimmed eyes or the track of tears he knew still stained his cheeks. He didn’t want him to see the split lip either. He didn’t need Alphonse to jump to the wrong conclusions because then Ed would have to explain what the right conclusion was and there was no way in hell he was talking about that.
“I’ve been transferred to Armstrong’s command,” Ed said softly. His brother would hear the tears in his voice but he could deal with that. “He needs someone in Aerugo that can blend in and hear things. I told him I know the language already from when I lived there a few years ago.”
“Ed?”
“It’s long term. I don’t know when I’ll be able to come home. Nothing dangerous, just keeping an ear to the ground for him, but I’m good at that and I’m good in a fight, so it’ll be fine.”
Alphonse let out a deep sigh but left before Ed could figure out what that meant. He knew it wasn’t done, but Ed couldn’t head out until morning when the train ran again. It was only a matter of time before his brother started to ask questions.
He slowly packed up his things and took one last look at the room before he headed out to the front door and dropped it there.
Alphonse dropped a similar bag next to it, to Ed’s surprise.
“Al?” He didn’t look up but continued to stare at Al’s travel bag.
“I’ve always wanted to visit Aerugo. You spoke like you really enjoyed it when you were there and I was in Xing. I think I’d like to see the ocean.”
Ed turned to look at him but then he hated himself even more. Alphonse looked so hurt, like this was his fault somehow. It was all Ed’s fault, he knew that. He should have walked out the door when Mustang told him to leave. He should have … he should have listened when he said not to answer the damn phone.
He’d known all along - they both had - that Ed wasn’t helping. He was just a fucking replacement for the bottle. Roy didn’t need him to get better. Roy needed something else and Ed had fooled himself into thinking he could be enough to make the man change.
He’d believed some random stranger, that his life would be some perfect, happily ever after. He’d believed, but now Ed knew. It had just been some sort of fucked up dream and there was no future with Mustang. The man didn’t want one and Ed sure as hell wasn’t sticking around to watch him self-destruct further.
“Ed, what happened?”
Alphonse’s voice was too soft and Ed didn’t want to answer. He couldn’t yet. “It’s okay, Al. I just need to get out of Central for a little while. Mustang understands,” he lied. “He okayed the transfer to Armstrong so I could get out of here.”
He would, in the morning. Ed had lied to Armstrong when he called and said that Mustang had already agreed to it, but Ed knew Mustang would allow it. There was no way he would fight Ed on this. He’d shown tonight that he didn’t care about Ed enough to fight for him. Armstrong would take the paperwork and the transfer would be done and Ed would never have to look at the bastard again.
He felt tears prickle his eyes again and he took a deep breath.
“Oh, Ed.”
His brother pulled him away from the door and to the couch. When Ed settled, Alphonse wrapped him in his arms and just held on.
“It’s okay, Ed. I’m here.”
“He couldn’t love me, Al,” he whispered into his brother’s arms. “I just wasn’t enough. He won’t ever love me.”
He closed his eyes and took a deep breath before he pulled away from Alphonse. He wiped at his eyes with his shirt sleeve and looked at his brother. “And I can’t stay around and watch. He’ll self-destruct or he’ll get over it. But I can’t be waiting for him.”
Alphonse just nodded. “I’ll call Havoc in the morning. He’ll take care of everything here. Pack up our stuff and all that. He’s always been pretty good to us.”
Ed nodded, but he wasn’t sure if it would happen or not. Havoc was Mustang’s man after all. He had no idea what Mustang’s reaction would be, once Ed left.
“Ed, is this what you really want to do?”
Alphonse had always been too smart for his own good. He was too good at reading Ed’s emotional state. Ed smiled at his brother but it was bitter. “No, it’s not. What I want … I can’t have Al. So it’s time to move on.”
“Alright, Brother,” Alphonse said with a determined nod. “Then we’ll head off to Aerugo together. It’s time I learn a new language anyway.”
Ed smiled at Alphonse and let out a deep breath. He was hurt. He was too deeply invested in Mustang to walk away clean, but he had his brother and that was enough. His whole life Ed had learned to make do with just his brother. He lost his mother. He lost Maes. He lost his father. He’d lost friends and people he cared deeply about. What was his first lover, in the face of that? He clenched his hands into fists and took another deep breath, then thought about where he was headed and what they were going to do.
Instead of wallowing in self-pity he gave Alphonse a genuine smile. “You’re going to love it there, Al,” he said. “Just you wait and see. Aerugo is going to be a whole new world for us.”
And it would be. Because Ed refused to let Mustang bring him down again. He refused to let the man turn him into some tragic story. Ed had defeated far worse creatures than Roy Mustang and he would bounce back from this too. Even if his heart never did.