Always
Title: Always
Verse: Further Interruptions
Fandom: Fullmetal Alchemist
Pairing: Roy/Ed
Summary: When life made him want to give in, give up, and just curl up and die, he remembered the man waiting for him. The man who had given him a home and a family.
Author’s Note: Follows a month and a half after Grief. Because @kzellr keeps giving me prompts :P There will be many more after this. :P
Ed shuddered as he stumbled through the streets of North City. It was too damn cold to be out that late at night but it wasn’t like he had a choice. Fucking mutinous assholes.
He nearly sobbed as he tripped over an uneven cobblestone and fell against the wall of the building beside him. The wiring of his automail jarred and he bit his lip hard enough to bleed.
Just a little further. A few more steps, right? His arm might be busted up and he might be on his last leg, but he still had the ability to keep moving forward.
All his life, that’s who he had been. No matter what came for him, no matter what got in his way, Ed moved forward. He pushed on. He struggled when other people would give up. He sacrificed and he kept going.
Now, when he had everything to live for, he could do no less. He had to get home. Alphonse would be worried about him. His brother might not need him the way he used to, but they were still so much a part of each other’s lives. Havoc joked that Alphonse was Mustang’s other husband because he was at their home so often.
Al would be worried. The team would be worried.
Ed had to get home.
His kids needed him. Maes was brilliant and caring and too damn sensitive under all that bluster and he needed Ed to keep him in line because his bastard of a Dad would just bust out laughing every time Maes said something inappropriate and he’d become as foul mouthed as… well.. himself if he wasn’t there to stop it.
Tishy, his little Trisha, had her Dad so wrapped up in her fingers that the man couldn’t tell her no unless Ed was there to threaten to withhold sex. She was their quiet genius, but also the mastermind in all their escapades, even if Ed couldn’t prove it.
They needed him because Roy was a fucking mess without him.
Roy.
He needed to get home to his husband. For all the years they’d fought, all the hard times, the sacrifices and the loss, for every bad memory they had shared, Roy had made sure to give him so many more night filled with laughter and warmth. He was all the romantic gestures Ed hated to admit he loved. When it was just them, he was goofy and funny and open and warm. He was the one consistent in Ed’s life when everything else had turned murky.
When Ed thought about insurmountable odds, he thought of a young Major, determined to take on the whole of Amestris to become its leader because he loved it so much. When the nights were too dark, he remembered the despair in Mustang’s voice in the pit when the Truth had stolen his sight, who then rose from the ground and continued to fight a god he couldn’t even see.
When life made him want to give in, give up, and just curl up and die, he remembered the man waiting for him. The man who had given him a home and a family.
So Ed grit his teeth and pushed off the wall and stepped forward again. He was almost there. He’d gotten free of his captors. He just had to get to North Command and he’d be fine.
He stumbled again and fell to his knees. He sobbed as pain wrecked his body but he tried to push himself back to his feet.
“Do you need help?”
A hand was on his arm before he heard the voice and Ed lashed out, wild and uncoordinated though it was. He stumbled to push his back against the wall and he heard the harsh intake of breath from his attacker.
“Ed?”
Ed blinked through the pain and took a deep breath. A moment later his vision cleared enough to see who was in front of him.
“Major Miles?”
“Ed, what happened?”
“I don’t think they were able to follow me,” he warned.
Miles was a Briggs man. He’d keep an eye on their surroundings in a way that Ed couldn’t right now. Ed pushed off the wall again.
“Where are you going?”
“North Command. We’ll be safe there. I need … I have to get back.”
“Ed?”
“I have to get back to Roy.”
Miles took his arm and helped Ed take a few more steps before Ed’s knees buckled completely.
“Damn it! I have to get back!”
“Ed, calm down. Ed. I’ll get you there. Don’t worry. It’s going to be alright.”
Ed didn’t hear the rest. Blood loss and exhaustion took their toll and he passed out in the middle of the sidewalk.
**
“Where is he? Where the fuck is he?”
“Fuhrer Mustang, please”
Ed opened his eyes and turned his head towards the voice. He was about to smile but everything hurt and the pain was too much.
“Ed!” He was closer but not close enough.
Ed would have reached for him, except the blackness came again.
**
The next time he woke it was dark outside. The curtains had been pulled back and the lights in the room were dim. He still hurt, all over honestly, but it wasn’t take his breath - steal his consciousness kind of pain anymore. That worried him because he’d either been out longer than he should be, or they were drugging him heavily.
He went to wipe at his eyes but someone was holding his hand.
He smiled before he even looked because there was only one bastard who’d be there right now.
Ed pulled his hand free from Roy’s and reached over to touch his sleeping face. There were dark circles under his eyes and he hadn’t shaved in a day or two from the amount of stubble Ed could see on his face. When he ran the knuckles of his left hand over Roy’s cheek, his husband woke instantly.
“Gold?”
“Hey, Bastard,” his voice was scratchy and this throat hurt like hell. He was alive though. He’d made it back and that was all that mattered.
“Ed,” Roy sat on the edge of the bed and he lowered his head to rest his forehead against Ed’s temple. “I thought I’d lost you.”
“I’m not that easy to get rid of,” he teased.
“You were gone for two months. There were no leads. No one could find you.”
“I know. I’m sorry. Roy, I got away as quick as I could.”
“The doctors were worried about you for a while. Alphonse came with me. He did some healing but he was afraid to do too much. They had to remove your arm. When you’re better, we’ll take you to Winry to get it replaced.”
“That bad, huh?”
“The doctors couldn’t do anything for you. If Alphonse hadn’t insisted on driving me from Central himself, I don’t know if he would have made it in time.”
“Good thing he did. Knowing the way you drive, you wouldn’t have made it at all.”
“Ed, this is not the time to joke.”
“I’m alive, Bastard. It’s always time to joke.”
Roy let out a sob that was trying really hard to be a laugh. For him. Because that was just who his husband was.
“Major Miles is taking on the investigation here in the North since he found you and witnessed an attack against you.”
“What?”
“You don’t remember?”
Ed shook his head. Miles had found him, he remembered that.
“While he was trying to bring you to the hospital you were attacked. Luckily Miles had been late for his rendezvous with General Armstrong and she went to find him. The two of them defeated their attackers, but none of them were left alive to question. They got you here.”
“Damn. I hate owing that woman.”
“You love Armstrong.”
“I do, but I hate owing her anything. She comes up with the craziest shit to make me pay her back.”
“I’ll pay her back. I’ll give her all of Amestris if she wants it.”
“Sap,” Ed said, but he pulled Roy’s face down and tilted his head up just right. He pressed his lips to his husbands and ignore the feel of tears that traced down his cheeks. Roy kissed him hard, his hand going into Ed’s hair to holding him close and Ed did his best to swallow the sobs that kept rising from his husband’s throat.
**
There was a loud commotion outside the door and Ed blinked tired eyes at the sun coming in the window.
“Too much, Brother?”
Ed looked up as Al moved into his line of sight and smiled.
“It’s a little bright.”
Alphonse closed the curtains and Ed let out a deep breath.
“How are you feeling?”
“Good, I guess. How pissed is Winry about my arm?”
“Pissed? Brother, she’s grateful that something she crafted kept you alive. She’s only pissed about the fact you needed it for something like that. Roy told us what he could about the people who had you. You really can’t stay out of trouble, can you?”
“I was trying.”
“MAES! No!”
Ed’s head jerked over towards the door and he looked back at Alphonse.
“He’s not going to let them in until I give him the okay,” Alphonse said. “So, tell me how you’re really feeling. On a scale of - need to sleep and eat it off for three days - to - or turn myself into a stone to heal myself - where are you?”
“Needs to see his husband and children immediately before he can begin worrying about himself.”
Alphonse smiled. “Okay, but when you start to get tired I’m kicking everyone but the Fuhrer out.”
“Hey! What if I want to kick him out?”
“You can talk to Hawkeye. When I suggested he leave the hospital I thought she was going to shoot me. He’s taken it bad, Ed. He needs to be here almost as much as you do.”
Ed sighed. “Yeah, so let me see him.”
Alphonse left the room and shut the door behind him quickly. He couldn’t hear what was said but Ed took the time to prop himself up. It hurt like hell but he figured he could hide it better from the kids if he was upright. Seeing him in the bed all prone and helpless wouldn’t help them.
Roy came in first and Trisha was in his arms. It wasn’t a good sign that he was carrying her. Normally she’d be at her brother’s side, unless she did something wrong and was trying to pout her way out of it with her dad.
Behind him, Alphonse came in with Maes. Winry and Granny were behind them.
Roy came over and pressed a kiss to his forehead and Ed made a grab for their daughter. Roy pulled back with a smirk.
“Keep your grabby hands to yourself. This is my girl.”
The girl giggled in his arms and Roy handed her down to him. She sat at the edge of the bed and stared at him.
“What’s the matter, Tishy?” he asked.
“I don’t want to hurt you,” she whispered.
Ed shook his head. “Come here, sweetheart,” he said as he pulled her in with his good arm. He pressed a kiss to the top of her head and looked around for his son. He’d moved and was hiding behind Roy’s leg. He looked at his husband with concern.
“Maes, come here,” Roy said as he picked his son up. He went around to the other side of the bed and sat down beside Ed.
“I’ll be his other arm until Aunt Winry can get him a better one, alright?” he said to Maes.
That seemed to be the problem and Maes threw himself at Ed just like Tishy had. Roy pulled his feet up and leaned onto his side on the bed so he was facing Ed.
“He wanted a hug. I think he was waiting because you only have one arm right now.”
“What?”
“They’ve never seen you without your limbs, Ed.”
Ed closed his eyes because he hadn’t even thought about that. No wonder his kids were freaked out. They knew about Ed’s automail but they’d never seen him without a working body. “Good thing Winry keeps a spare for me,” Ed said, trying to keep his voice light.
He didn’t know what showed on his face, but Roy grimaced before he leaned in a pressed a kiss to his husband’s lips.
“Well, of course, you never let me tell them about the time you lost your arm when a fish mistook it for a fishing pole,” Roy said.
Ed looked at the man like he was crazy, but the Fuhrer was ignoring him as Maes shifted slightly to look back at him.
“It was a mess. Honestly. But I told him not to decorate his arm with all that string, even if it was his birthday. I don’t blame the fish for thinking he was a fancy fishing lure.”
“What happened?” Maes asked.
“Well, it jumped in the boat and bit him of course!”
Alphonse had come over to the foot of the bed and nodded. “Bit his arm clear off,” his brother added. “And it was a monster too. I’ve never seen a fish this big. It was bigger than a dog!”
“Bigger than your Father when I met him.”
“Hey! Who you calling a-“
“But it bit his arm clear off and he refused to let me row us back in until he caught the thing.”
“They were on the boat all night!”
“No way,” Tishy said with a tiny smile on her face.
“What about the time he lost his leg to a bear!” Alphonse said.
Ed shook his head but when his brother and husband began to regale his children about all the total erroneous ways he’d lost his limbs, he couldn’t help but wonder at his luck. Tishy didn’t believe a word of it but she was caught up in the story telling the same as Maes. Her brother looked back and forth though and Ed caught the question behind his eyes. A question that Ed wasn’t ready to tackle anytime soon.
They didn’t know how he’d lost his limbs. And they were getting advanced enough in their alchemy that he would have to tell them soon. But not yet.
He looked over at Winry and Pinako who were both watching the kids and then he closed his eyes and listened to his husband and brother for a moment.
And realized what they were saying.
“Hey! I did not get my arm stolen by a circus clown!”
And really, his brother was no help as he leaned forward. “I’m sorry Fuhrer, but he’s right. It was the animal tamer.”
**
An hour later his visitors were all forced out the door and Ed was able to relax again. He’d kissed his kids a hundred times and Alphonse assured him they were fine. General Armstrong had a home in North City that she was allowing them to stay in until they were ready to return home. He’d be horrified if Alphonse didn’t tell him that she only offered to keep her brother from coming to show her how to offer proper accommodations to the Fuhrer’s family.
As much as Ed wanted to stay with the kids or keep them close, he knew he had to take care of himself now or they’d never let him out early. He needed to get to Resembool and get his leg fixed and his arm replaced.
The door opened to reveal his husband and Ed let out a soft sigh.
“They get on the road okay?”
“Yeah. Maes wasn’t happy to leave but Tishy talked him around.”
“She’s pretty good at that. Sorta like her Dad.”
Roy let out a small laugh as he moved to the bed and crawl up beside Ed. Ed turned into him and after a few minutes of shuffling, found himself with his head on Roy’s chest.
“You don’t have to stay. The kids need you.”
“The kids need to know that you’re safe. They have Al and Winry and Pinako. They’ll be fine. Seeing you tonight was good for them.”
“I was worried about them.”
“I know you were.”
It was silent for a few minutes as Ed thought back through the day and all his visitors.
“You’re a good father, Ed.”
“Tishy was scared of me tonight.”
“Not scared of you. Scared for you. There is a world of difference in the two, My Love. Neither of the children are used to seeing you laid up. It’s hard enough for me to see you sitting in a hospital bed.”
“You think you’d be used to it after all these years.”
Roy scoffed. “Ed, I can’t remember a time when they didn’t have to tie you to a bed to make you stay. The fact that you’re taking it so well this time terrifies me.”
“Paranoid.”
“Looking out for you. I don’t know what I’d do without you, Ed.”
“Don’t-”
“No. Listen Ed. I know you don’t like to hear this sort of thing, but I could barely function while you were missing. A few days and I was worried, but it wouldn’t be the first time you missed a deadline reporting in because of some research, even if it hasn’t happen since we had the kids. A week and I was scared. Two weeks and I couldn’t think about anything else. I’d called everyone I knew, called in every favor I had that would help me search for you. And there was nothing.
After a month, Alphonse came to live with me because I was falling apart. He helped keep me together, but when the kids were asleep I was a mess.”
“Roy,”
“Don’t you dare do this to me again, Gold,” Roy whispered harshly.
Ed looked up at him and he could see the tears in his husband’s eyes. He could see the fear that still lingered there. It echoed in him in so many ways. Too many times over the course of their lives had they played with death. Too many times they’d come close to losing one another. Ed had been on the other side of this before. When they’d been more than friends but not dating yet. Just… benefits. Sex and alchemy and being able to talk to someone who understood what they’d each been through.
He’d lost Roy for three months. He still had scars he refused to talk about. Ed knew why now. Some of the marks Roy bore matched Ed’s now and he would never speak of the things they’d done to him. When they were home, alone, Roy would see them and he would know and Ed would never have to say the words.
“I won’t,” he croaked out the words Mustang had given him so long ago and he could see the memory in his lover’s face.
Lies.
Well-intentioned lies.
It was enough to mean them though. Tonight, it was enough to say them and to know that no matter what happened, no matter what came at them, they were there for each other.
“If something ever happened,” Ed felt Roy’s hands clench against his skin but he didn’t interrupt him. “You take Havoc up on his second wife theory. You move Al in and you let him take care of the kids because it will help him too. And you deal with your shit. And then you straighten your back, get back to the job, and you take care of our kids. You got that?”
Roy nodded and Ed knew he meant it. And Ed meant it too. He’d do the same because their kids deserved the goddamned world, but neither of them would survive the other long with them to care for.
“Ed,” Roy cupped his cheek softly and Ed wanted to tease him for the gesture but everything was just too raw right now. “I love you.”
He pressed his lips up into his husband’s and was met with a small sob. Roy pulled himself together though because the tears never fell and it was the last he felt from him. When Ed looked back up, Roy was smiling slightly.
“Love you too, Bastard. Just remember, I’m always going to come back to you. I promised years ago.”
He grabbed Roy’s hand and found his wedding ring and pulled it off his finger. Engraved in the band was a simple promise. Always coming home to you, Bastard.
There was a return promise on Ed’s even if he couldn’t pull it off without his other arm. It simply said, Always yours, Gold.
“Let’s get some sleep, Ed,” Roy said softly as he put his ring back on and settled with Ed against him. “The kids will be back when visiting hours start, or whenever they can convince Alphonse to sneak them in.”
“You think he will?”
“I think your brother isn’t above letting his niece and nephew manipulate him to get what he wants in the first place.”
Ed laughed at that and for the first time since he’d fought his way out of that hell hole, he finally felt like he just might be alright.