You Let Me Stand (Part One )
Title: You Let Me Stand
Author: hunters_retreat
Artist: liliaeth
Genre: RPS
Pairing: Jensen Ackles/Jared Padalecki
Rating: NC-17
Wordcount: 30K+
Warnings: Physical and emotional abuse, neglect, mentions of past attempted rape, dub-con due to a beta’s heat cycle.
Summary: Three years ago Jensen Ackles had been a feral beta, caged and dangerous to anyone around him. Three years ago the council sent Jared Padalecki and his team into the Two Forks pack to find out the truth about the claims of beta abuse and neglect. What Jared found was a vicious fight to take the pack away from the Alpha and mated to the feral Pack Beta.
Jensen was sent away to heal but Jared stayed behind to clean out the pack and see if it was worth saving. After three years though, Jensen is ready to go home and confront his past. Jared is hesitant but after their reunion at a Beta Right’s conference, he agrees. It isn’t a smooth journey though and not everyone is happy to have Jared as the Alpha of the Two Forks Pack. When outside forces try to tear their fragile pack apart, will they be strong enough to stand together? Or will Jared and Jensen fall apart, and take the Two Forks Pack with them?
His head was down, his hair lank and long as it covered his face from the rest of them. His suitors, his father called him. Jensen didn’t remember much anymore that wasn’t the cage, but father’s words always remained in his head. Jensen remembered, and he refused every one of them.
Someone banged against the door of the cage but Jensen paid it no heed. He wasn’t in heat and no one would unlock the cage tonight. Sometimes the others came to mark him with their seed, hope that if they covered him in enough of their own scent that he'd give in to them when the cage opened next. It made Jensen more ferocious when he left the cage, more determined to never let them have him.
He didn’t remember why it was so important to fight anymore, but that was all he had left.
Men yelled and Jensen set his body against the back corner of the cage. With his hair down no one could see him but he could see clear enough. His suitors circled him but not a one of them looked at him. He could hear trouble from the main street but it had been a long time since he’d walked the street himself. Months? Years? He couldn’t remember. Time was hard in a cage. Harder when he couldn’t always count on food each day and water was stored for him in big barrels from rainfall.
Six strips of cloth tied to the back wall of the cage were as close to time as he could tell. When his mother had been alive, she’d given him new clothes before they put him back in the cage. Six heats he’d been through before she died. He didn’t know how long it had been.
The shouts came closer and Jensen could feel the tension in the men around him. They weren’t all his suitors, but they were his father’s best fighters. Even if not a one of them could best Jensen. Not a one had found a way to take him in his heat.
They never would.
“What the hell is this?”
Jensen couldn’t help but look as a stranger turned the corner to find him in his cage behind his mother’s house. Jensen growled at the appearance of a strange alpha.
“What are you doing to that man?”
It was the last word spoken before the fight began. Seven against one should have been too much but the alpha was strong and he was vicious. He didn’t kill, but he maimed and Jensen’s suitors gave him a wide berth instead of attack in numbers. When another strange alpha joined him, the suitors fled and Jensen was left alone with strangers.
The first approached the cage and Jensen watched him with fascination. He was strong and fast and he approached Jensen’s cage with caution.
“Jesus, Jared,” the second alpha said from behind him. “What the hell did we walk into?”
The alpha stooped down to look into the cage. “I’m Jared. What’s your name?”
No one ever bothered to look Jensen in the eye and it was disconcerting. He wanted to belly up, but he refused. All he had was the fight. Instead, he growled to let the alpha know that he wasn’t for the taking. Not even to someone like him.
“I’ll be back, with the key,” the alpha said before he stood and turned to look at the other man. “I want our people guarding him until we can get him out. Our people, and keep them back. I don’t want anyone to get hurt.”
“We won’t hurt him, Jared,” the second alpha said.
“I’m more worried about what he’ll do to us, Chris,” the first said. “He’s damn near feral. Get our people here and get someone to help the wounded too.”
The alpha looked back at Jensen again and his face was grim. “And find me the damn Alpha.”
Jensen woke with a start. His heart raced and his breath was shallow. It wasn’t the first time he’d had this nightmare. It wouldn’t be his last, he knew. It was, thankfully, just a nightmare though.
He threw back the covers and got out of bed to pad across the room to the small kitchenette in his hotel room. He poured a glass of water from the nearly melted ice he’d grabbed earlier. His nightmares happened frequently enough that he was prepared for them.
The memories usually haunted Jensen when he was at conferences for the Beta Rights movement. Going in front of a room of strangers to talk about the abuse he’d been through always brought the nightmares out in full force.
It was a worthy cause, and the people who fought it had saved Jensen in more ways than he could count. A little lost sleep was a small price to pay for that.
He drained the water but it did little to quench his thirst. It was memory that made him ache though so nothing would really help. Jensen set the cup aside and walked to the window. He opened the curtains and stared out into the city lights.
He let the sight calm him before he walked back to his bedside and picked up his cell phone. He typed in a quick text and waited.
The phone rang and Jensen picked it up before the first ring ended.
“The cage,” he said quietly.
“Yeah. You thought that would be the one,” Chris said on the other line of the phone.
“You getting any sleep tonight?”
“Didn’t plan on it.”
“Then get your alpha ass over here and keep me company. If I’m going to be dragging tomorrow I expect you to look like hell with me.”
Chris laughed and Jensen felt himself relax with it. There was a brief pause and Jensen knew what Chris was going to say.
“You don’t have to meet with him tomorrow, Jensen. It’s been three years, but if you aren’t ready, you don’t have to do this.”
“I know. I want to see him again. You know I do. All the times I’ve talked on the phone with him, the texts and the stupid things he sends, I like him. I just … this was always going to bring up bad memories. Three years or thirty. I’m okay.”
“Alright. Be there in a few.”
Jensen hung up and threw his phone on the bed to wait. Chris wasn’t the alpha he was worried about. It took three years to get Jensen from feral to walking, talking, person again, but tomorrow was the first time he’d see his Alpha since he’d sent him away from a broken pack to try to heal them all.
Tomorrow, he’d see Alpha Padalecki again. The alpha who had exiled the father. The alpha who had claimed him and saved the Two Forks Pack. His mate.
Nothing to be worried about at all.
The room was large enough to hold 500 people and it was packed tight. Jensen was proud of the movement, proud of the people he’d found himself aligned with, but his focus was entirely on the stage at the front of the room.
If he looked, he knew the carpets were an elegant scroll pattern that worked in shades of brown and burgundy over a beige backdrop. He knew the chairs were a matching beige. He knew the stage in front of him stood three feet off the floor and that it had taken them four hours to get their audio equipment set up last night. None of that registered now.
They had agreed to meet in two hours, when Jared had finished the last panel of the day. His panel was one of the highlights of the conference for most people in the movement. Jared had a way of telling the story of battered betas and tormented packs that made people want to help and he had great instincts when it came to finding the right people to step into different positions. Jensen had watched every one of his conferences on video. It wasn’t the same as being with Jared, but it was something, to be able to see him.
Jensen had come to know the gentleness of his voice over the phone, his goofy side, his caring and compassionate side. On stage, he saw Jared’s clumsiness and his humor. The way he held his body so as to be less threatening than his alpha status and height made him by nature.
Nothing prepared him for this.
Jensen told himself that it was his feral mind that had made Jared seem so large, that had made his presence so immense. He had told himself that it was the circumstances and the way Jensen had spent years cowering in a cage or fighting to keep anyone from claiming him. It was all a lie. It was just Jared.
It wasn’t intimidating, though. It didn’t make Jensen afraid of Jared. He might have nightmares about what happened after they opened the cage, but nothing about Jared’s presence made Jensen feel anything but safe.
He had only meant to sneak a peek at his alpha as he passed the conference room, but without thought, Jensen found himself halfway down the aisle.
His best friend was on the stage, along with Jared and Alpha Sam Ferris. Jensen had been taken under Sam’s wing when he’d first wanted to join the conference circuit and share his story with people. He saw her smile as she caught sight of him.
Jared’s eyes were trained on Chris as he spoke, his body relaxed as he leaned back on the chair, one arm up across the back of the chair beside him and one ankle rested on his knee. He had a beard, which Jensen had never seen on him before, but he appreciated the sight of. He was dressed casually with jeans and a black button show shirt but even in front of a large crowd, he looked at home.
As Sam tapped on Jared’s knee, Jensen saw Jared sniff the air lightly. He watched the way Jared sat up straight and his eyes began to search the room. Jensen stopped where he was, suddenly unable to move forward.
Jared found him and the smile that bloomed on his face was beautiful. Jared stood and quickly made his way to the edge of the stage. He jumped down without hesitation and he closed the distance between them swiftly.
He stopped a few feet from Jensen and all Jensen could think was that Jared was every bit as big as he’d remembered. There were differences now though that he hadn’t been able to see before. There was a tightness to his shoulders and worry lines had begun to crease his forehead. He had black circles under his eyes and Jensen didn’t have to wonder if Jared had been suffering from nightmares the way Jensen was.
Jared’s eyes searched Jensen’s face, as his hands came up to touch Jensen but he stopped just short. He let his hands fall back, fingers clenching and unclenching like he didn’t know what to do with himself.
“Jensen?”
Jensen felt the same himself. “It’s okay,” he whispered.
Jared raised his hand slowly to telegraph his movement in a way that made Jensen grateful and unbearably sad. The last time they’d been together, Jensen had needed him too. When Jared’s palm rested against his cheek, Jensen closed his eyes for a moment then opened them to look up at Jared’s blinding smile.
“I should have waited,” Jensen said with a slightly hysterical edge to his laughter.
“I should have come earlier,” Jared answered.
“Now that you realize that, you two mind finding a room so I can stop getting distracted and have my say?” Kane asked beside them.
Jensen hadn’t realized his friend had come away from the stage. Chris was doing what he did best though; he took care of his people and for Jensen that meant keeping him from making a very public display out of his reunion with his alpha.
Jensen had faced off against a lot of press about his first meeting with Jared and he’d refused to let it become some sort of public circus. Jensen’s abuse had been horrific but the fact that Jared had sent him away from his pack for treatment made them a human interest story the press was dying to exploit. No one could recall a case where an alpha had sent a sick member of their pack away from the pack for care. Pack ties kept each other safe and helped in the healing process, but Jensen’s pack hadn’t been in any position to heal him when they were all so broken. His father had seen to that.
After a few weeks as the Alpha of the Two Forks Pack, Jared had started a manhunt for the people responsible for the breakdown of the pack and he’d sent Jensen away until he was done.
Three years and Jared still hadn’t called him home. Jensen was done with the wait though. Jensen needed to be with his alpha to show him that he was healing. He needed Jared to see it so he would agree to let Jensen go home.
“My room is this way,” Jensen said as he finally found his voice.
“Is that okay?” Jared’s thumb rubbed comfortingly over Jensen’s neck.
Jensen nodded. Jared was trying to protect him but what Jensen really wanted was for the alpha to get past the need to coddle and realize that Jensen really was okay. He’d discussed this meeting with his therapist. He’d talked to his support group. He’d even talked to the alphas who worked with him on the Beta Rights programs. Jensen didn’t flinch anymore when someone moved too fast and he didn’t feel the need to back into a corner whenever an alpha came close. He was as healed as he could be without going back to get the closure he needed from his pack. Jared was a part of that.
He took Jared’s hand in his own then and pulled Jared out of the room, towards the hallway where the bank of elevators waited. He hit the up button and waited it out, trying not to fidget and give Jared the wrong idea. Yes, Jensen was nervous about this meeting. This was his Alpha, not just his pack Alpha but his mate and he couldn’t help but be nervous.
He let out a deep breath, thought about Kane in the other room, his tacit approval of Jared as he told them to leave, and he knew it was going to be alright. Jared had proven himself beyond reproach over the years and Jensen let that surety fill him now.
When the elevator opened, he pulled Jared in behind him and pushed the button for his floor. The door closed and they were alone but Jensen couldn’t help but stay still. He watched the numbers light up instead of turn to his mate.
A light chuckle came from behind him as Jared shifted closer. He breathed a sigh against Jensen’s ear and Jensen shuddered. When the doors opened, Jensen let out a nervous laugh as he pulled them down the hall to where his room was. He pulled his card key out but his hands shook and he was having a hell of a time getting the card in the slot.
A hand reached over to steady his and Jared was there, cupping his cheek with the other hand. “Shhhh, it’s just me.”
“Just you,” Jensen said but he laughed and it wasn’t just the anxiety this time. “Like that’s supposed to make me less nervous.”
The door opened then and Jensen took a second to smile up at Jared before he walked in. The alpha was a few steps behind him, obviously trying not to crowd him but as Jensen turned to look at him, Jared wasn’t checking out the room. He was looking at Jensen. Watching. Waiting.
“Damn it, Jared. I agreed to meet with you today and I just brought you back to my room. You don’t have to stand halfway across the room from me.”
Jared’s smile broke out again at Jensen’s annoyance and Jared closed the distance between them, laughter on his lips as he pulled Jensen into his arms.
He was strong, so much stronger than anyone who had ever tried to hold Jensen down, but Jensen knew he was safe there. He didn’t hesitate to return the embrace; just rested his head against his Alpha’s chest, took in his scent, and let the sound of his heartbeat calm him.
When Jared pulled back it was just far enough that he could look down at Jensen. “You’re beautiful,” Jared said softly. “I knew that back when I met you, even under the filth and fury, but it’s not just your face. Now,” Jared took a step back then as he gave Jensen a crooked smile. “I can smell the confidence rolling off you Jensen. I heard it, was fucking yearning for it for years as you started to gain some self-esteem, but seeing you? It makes me want to belly up, Jensen.”
Jensen laughed. “You do know that Beta Rights isn’t about who bellies up, but about the fact that no one should have to, right?”
Jared shook his head. “Not trying to sweet talk you, Beta. I just … it’s hard to remember who you were when I see you standing here like this now.”
Jensen nodded as he returned back into Jared’s embrace. He hoped that was true because in the end, he had to go home and the last thing he wanted to do was return to a pack that could only see him for the cage he’d once been held in.
It took an hour before Jensen felt the tension finally leave. They were on the couch and Jensen was practically in Jared’s lap but it felt like the most comfortable thing in the world. They hadn’t talked really, not much beyond their initial greeting but Jensen was okay with that too. He needed to feel this, to feel the connection to his Alpha that has been denied him for too long.
When Jensen sat back and stared at Jared, he couldn’t think of a thing to say. They’d talked so many times over the phone but now that they were alone it was hard to think of words. Jensen just wanted to stay in his arms. He was safe there, but Jensen knew the problem with those sort of thoughts so he sat up and pushed himself away. He took a deep breath and tried to say what he needed Jared to hear.
“Um…”
“Eloquent as always,” Jared teased.
“Ass,” Jensen called back at him. “We should probably get food, right? That was the plan, wasn’t it?”
“We can go out. I still have reservations at Enchanted, but to be honest I’d be as happy getting take-out or room service.”
“Room service it is.”
They made quick work of the menu and called down their order.
“You don’t have to be nervous, Jensen,” Jared said as he took a seat on the couch again. “I’m not trying to push here. You know that. You said you were ready to meet again. Everyone says we’re ready to meet again. Are you sure though? Over the phone you were, but you seem … “
“What?”
“Scared? It’s not quite right but I can’t put my finger on just what it is. I can taste it on the back of my tongue though and my hackles are raised at the thought that I’m making you this uncomfortable.”
“You are, but that’s not anything you’ve done. I feel safe with you but I know I can’t let myself fall into the trap of thinking you’ll keep me safe. I’m strong and I have to be strong for myself.”
“And me being here?”
“Feels amazing and I want you here. I just may need to step away a few times to make sure I don’t start habits that I can’t afford.”
Jared just nodded his head. “Anything you need, Jensen. You know I’ll do anything I can.”
“I do. I … will you stay with me tonight?”
“I don’t think that’s a great idea.”
“I do,” Jensen said before Jared could say anything else. “I’m not asking you to claim me or anything like that. I’d just like to have you here. With me. I … I’m tired of the separation.”
He thought Jared might fight him on it but then Jared let out a deep breath and his smile was tired but honest. “I am too.”
“Then you’ll stay?”
“Yeah. I will.”
On to Part Two
Author: hunters_retreat
Artist: liliaeth
Genre: RPS
Pairing: Jensen Ackles/Jared Padalecki
Rating: NC-17
Wordcount: 30K+
Warnings: Physical and emotional abuse, neglect, mentions of past attempted rape, dub-con due to a beta’s heat cycle.
Summary: Three years ago Jensen Ackles had been a feral beta, caged and dangerous to anyone around him. Three years ago the council sent Jared Padalecki and his team into the Two Forks pack to find out the truth about the claims of beta abuse and neglect. What Jared found was a vicious fight to take the pack away from the Alpha and mated to the feral Pack Beta.
Jensen was sent away to heal but Jared stayed behind to clean out the pack and see if it was worth saving. After three years though, Jensen is ready to go home and confront his past. Jared is hesitant but after their reunion at a Beta Right’s conference, he agrees. It isn’t a smooth journey though and not everyone is happy to have Jared as the Alpha of the Two Forks Pack. When outside forces try to tear their fragile pack apart, will they be strong enough to stand together? Or will Jared and Jensen fall apart, and take the Two Forks Pack with them?
His head was down, his hair lank and long as it covered his face from the rest of them. His suitors, his father called him. Jensen didn’t remember much anymore that wasn’t the cage, but father’s words always remained in his head. Jensen remembered, and he refused every one of them.
Someone banged against the door of the cage but Jensen paid it no heed. He wasn’t in heat and no one would unlock the cage tonight. Sometimes the others came to mark him with their seed, hope that if they covered him in enough of their own scent that he'd give in to them when the cage opened next. It made Jensen more ferocious when he left the cage, more determined to never let them have him.
He didn’t remember why it was so important to fight anymore, but that was all he had left.
Men yelled and Jensen set his body against the back corner of the cage. With his hair down no one could see him but he could see clear enough. His suitors circled him but not a one of them looked at him. He could hear trouble from the main street but it had been a long time since he’d walked the street himself. Months? Years? He couldn’t remember. Time was hard in a cage. Harder when he couldn’t always count on food each day and water was stored for him in big barrels from rainfall.
Six strips of cloth tied to the back wall of the cage were as close to time as he could tell. When his mother had been alive, she’d given him new clothes before they put him back in the cage. Six heats he’d been through before she died. He didn’t know how long it had been.
The shouts came closer and Jensen could feel the tension in the men around him. They weren’t all his suitors, but they were his father’s best fighters. Even if not a one of them could best Jensen. Not a one had found a way to take him in his heat.
They never would.
“What the hell is this?”
Jensen couldn’t help but look as a stranger turned the corner to find him in his cage behind his mother’s house. Jensen growled at the appearance of a strange alpha.
“What are you doing to that man?”
It was the last word spoken before the fight began. Seven against one should have been too much but the alpha was strong and he was vicious. He didn’t kill, but he maimed and Jensen’s suitors gave him a wide berth instead of attack in numbers. When another strange alpha joined him, the suitors fled and Jensen was left alone with strangers.
The first approached the cage and Jensen watched him with fascination. He was strong and fast and he approached Jensen’s cage with caution.
“Jesus, Jared,” the second alpha said from behind him. “What the hell did we walk into?”
The alpha stooped down to look into the cage. “I’m Jared. What’s your name?”
No one ever bothered to look Jensen in the eye and it was disconcerting. He wanted to belly up, but he refused. All he had was the fight. Instead, he growled to let the alpha know that he wasn’t for the taking. Not even to someone like him.
“I’ll be back, with the key,” the alpha said before he stood and turned to look at the other man. “I want our people guarding him until we can get him out. Our people, and keep them back. I don’t want anyone to get hurt.”
“We won’t hurt him, Jared,” the second alpha said.
“I’m more worried about what he’ll do to us, Chris,” the first said. “He’s damn near feral. Get our people here and get someone to help the wounded too.”
The alpha looked back at Jensen again and his face was grim. “And find me the damn Alpha.”
Jensen woke with a start. His heart raced and his breath was shallow. It wasn’t the first time he’d had this nightmare. It wouldn’t be his last, he knew. It was, thankfully, just a nightmare though.
He threw back the covers and got out of bed to pad across the room to the small kitchenette in his hotel room. He poured a glass of water from the nearly melted ice he’d grabbed earlier. His nightmares happened frequently enough that he was prepared for them.
The memories usually haunted Jensen when he was at conferences for the Beta Rights movement. Going in front of a room of strangers to talk about the abuse he’d been through always brought the nightmares out in full force.
It was a worthy cause, and the people who fought it had saved Jensen in more ways than he could count. A little lost sleep was a small price to pay for that.
He drained the water but it did little to quench his thirst. It was memory that made him ache though so nothing would really help. Jensen set the cup aside and walked to the window. He opened the curtains and stared out into the city lights.
He let the sight calm him before he walked back to his bedside and picked up his cell phone. He typed in a quick text and waited.
The phone rang and Jensen picked it up before the first ring ended.
“The cage,” he said quietly.
“Yeah. You thought that would be the one,” Chris said on the other line of the phone.
“You getting any sleep tonight?”
“Didn’t plan on it.”
“Then get your alpha ass over here and keep me company. If I’m going to be dragging tomorrow I expect you to look like hell with me.”
Chris laughed and Jensen felt himself relax with it. There was a brief pause and Jensen knew what Chris was going to say.
“You don’t have to meet with him tomorrow, Jensen. It’s been three years, but if you aren’t ready, you don’t have to do this.”
“I know. I want to see him again. You know I do. All the times I’ve talked on the phone with him, the texts and the stupid things he sends, I like him. I just … this was always going to bring up bad memories. Three years or thirty. I’m okay.”
“Alright. Be there in a few.”
Jensen hung up and threw his phone on the bed to wait. Chris wasn’t the alpha he was worried about. It took three years to get Jensen from feral to walking, talking, person again, but tomorrow was the first time he’d see his Alpha since he’d sent him away from a broken pack to try to heal them all.
Tomorrow, he’d see Alpha Padalecki again. The alpha who had exiled the father. The alpha who had claimed him and saved the Two Forks Pack. His mate.
Nothing to be worried about at all.
The room was large enough to hold 500 people and it was packed tight. Jensen was proud of the movement, proud of the people he’d found himself aligned with, but his focus was entirely on the stage at the front of the room.
If he looked, he knew the carpets were an elegant scroll pattern that worked in shades of brown and burgundy over a beige backdrop. He knew the chairs were a matching beige. He knew the stage in front of him stood three feet off the floor and that it had taken them four hours to get their audio equipment set up last night. None of that registered now.
They had agreed to meet in two hours, when Jared had finished the last panel of the day. His panel was one of the highlights of the conference for most people in the movement. Jared had a way of telling the story of battered betas and tormented packs that made people want to help and he had great instincts when it came to finding the right people to step into different positions. Jensen had watched every one of his conferences on video. It wasn’t the same as being with Jared, but it was something, to be able to see him.
Jensen had come to know the gentleness of his voice over the phone, his goofy side, his caring and compassionate side. On stage, he saw Jared’s clumsiness and his humor. The way he held his body so as to be less threatening than his alpha status and height made him by nature.
Nothing prepared him for this.
Jensen told himself that it was his feral mind that had made Jared seem so large, that had made his presence so immense. He had told himself that it was the circumstances and the way Jensen had spent years cowering in a cage or fighting to keep anyone from claiming him. It was all a lie. It was just Jared.
It wasn’t intimidating, though. It didn’t make Jensen afraid of Jared. He might have nightmares about what happened after they opened the cage, but nothing about Jared’s presence made Jensen feel anything but safe.
He had only meant to sneak a peek at his alpha as he passed the conference room, but without thought, Jensen found himself halfway down the aisle.
His best friend was on the stage, along with Jared and Alpha Sam Ferris. Jensen had been taken under Sam’s wing when he’d first wanted to join the conference circuit and share his story with people. He saw her smile as she caught sight of him.
Jared’s eyes were trained on Chris as he spoke, his body relaxed as he leaned back on the chair, one arm up across the back of the chair beside him and one ankle rested on his knee. He had a beard, which Jensen had never seen on him before, but he appreciated the sight of. He was dressed casually with jeans and a black button show shirt but even in front of a large crowd, he looked at home.
As Sam tapped on Jared’s knee, Jensen saw Jared sniff the air lightly. He watched the way Jared sat up straight and his eyes began to search the room. Jensen stopped where he was, suddenly unable to move forward.
Jared found him and the smile that bloomed on his face was beautiful. Jared stood and quickly made his way to the edge of the stage. He jumped down without hesitation and he closed the distance between them swiftly.
He stopped a few feet from Jensen and all Jensen could think was that Jared was every bit as big as he’d remembered. There were differences now though that he hadn’t been able to see before. There was a tightness to his shoulders and worry lines had begun to crease his forehead. He had black circles under his eyes and Jensen didn’t have to wonder if Jared had been suffering from nightmares the way Jensen was.
Jared’s eyes searched Jensen’s face, as his hands came up to touch Jensen but he stopped just short. He let his hands fall back, fingers clenching and unclenching like he didn’t know what to do with himself.
“Jensen?”
Jensen felt the same himself. “It’s okay,” he whispered.
Jared raised his hand slowly to telegraph his movement in a way that made Jensen grateful and unbearably sad. The last time they’d been together, Jensen had needed him too. When Jared’s palm rested against his cheek, Jensen closed his eyes for a moment then opened them to look up at Jared’s blinding smile.
“I should have waited,” Jensen said with a slightly hysterical edge to his laughter.
“I should have come earlier,” Jared answered.
“Now that you realize that, you two mind finding a room so I can stop getting distracted and have my say?” Kane asked beside them.
Jensen hadn’t realized his friend had come away from the stage. Chris was doing what he did best though; he took care of his people and for Jensen that meant keeping him from making a very public display out of his reunion with his alpha.
Jensen had faced off against a lot of press about his first meeting with Jared and he’d refused to let it become some sort of public circus. Jensen’s abuse had been horrific but the fact that Jared had sent him away from his pack for treatment made them a human interest story the press was dying to exploit. No one could recall a case where an alpha had sent a sick member of their pack away from the pack for care. Pack ties kept each other safe and helped in the healing process, but Jensen’s pack hadn’t been in any position to heal him when they were all so broken. His father had seen to that.
After a few weeks as the Alpha of the Two Forks Pack, Jared had started a manhunt for the people responsible for the breakdown of the pack and he’d sent Jensen away until he was done.
Three years and Jared still hadn’t called him home. Jensen was done with the wait though. Jensen needed to be with his alpha to show him that he was healing. He needed Jared to see it so he would agree to let Jensen go home.
“My room is this way,” Jensen said as he finally found his voice.
“Is that okay?” Jared’s thumb rubbed comfortingly over Jensen’s neck.
Jensen nodded. Jared was trying to protect him but what Jensen really wanted was for the alpha to get past the need to coddle and realize that Jensen really was okay. He’d discussed this meeting with his therapist. He’d talked to his support group. He’d even talked to the alphas who worked with him on the Beta Rights programs. Jensen didn’t flinch anymore when someone moved too fast and he didn’t feel the need to back into a corner whenever an alpha came close. He was as healed as he could be without going back to get the closure he needed from his pack. Jared was a part of that.
He took Jared’s hand in his own then and pulled Jared out of the room, towards the hallway where the bank of elevators waited. He hit the up button and waited it out, trying not to fidget and give Jared the wrong idea. Yes, Jensen was nervous about this meeting. This was his Alpha, not just his pack Alpha but his mate and he couldn’t help but be nervous.
He let out a deep breath, thought about Kane in the other room, his tacit approval of Jared as he told them to leave, and he knew it was going to be alright. Jared had proven himself beyond reproach over the years and Jensen let that surety fill him now.
When the elevator opened, he pulled Jared in behind him and pushed the button for his floor. The door closed and they were alone but Jensen couldn’t help but stay still. He watched the numbers light up instead of turn to his mate.
A light chuckle came from behind him as Jared shifted closer. He breathed a sigh against Jensen’s ear and Jensen shuddered. When the doors opened, Jensen let out a nervous laugh as he pulled them down the hall to where his room was. He pulled his card key out but his hands shook and he was having a hell of a time getting the card in the slot.
A hand reached over to steady his and Jared was there, cupping his cheek with the other hand. “Shhhh, it’s just me.”
“Just you,” Jensen said but he laughed and it wasn’t just the anxiety this time. “Like that’s supposed to make me less nervous.”
The door opened then and Jensen took a second to smile up at Jared before he walked in. The alpha was a few steps behind him, obviously trying not to crowd him but as Jensen turned to look at him, Jared wasn’t checking out the room. He was looking at Jensen. Watching. Waiting.
“Damn it, Jared. I agreed to meet with you today and I just brought you back to my room. You don’t have to stand halfway across the room from me.”
Jared’s smile broke out again at Jensen’s annoyance and Jared closed the distance between them, laughter on his lips as he pulled Jensen into his arms.
He was strong, so much stronger than anyone who had ever tried to hold Jensen down, but Jensen knew he was safe there. He didn’t hesitate to return the embrace; just rested his head against his Alpha’s chest, took in his scent, and let the sound of his heartbeat calm him.
When Jared pulled back it was just far enough that he could look down at Jensen. “You’re beautiful,” Jared said softly. “I knew that back when I met you, even under the filth and fury, but it’s not just your face. Now,” Jared took a step back then as he gave Jensen a crooked smile. “I can smell the confidence rolling off you Jensen. I heard it, was fucking yearning for it for years as you started to gain some self-esteem, but seeing you? It makes me want to belly up, Jensen.”
Jensen laughed. “You do know that Beta Rights isn’t about who bellies up, but about the fact that no one should have to, right?”
Jared shook his head. “Not trying to sweet talk you, Beta. I just … it’s hard to remember who you were when I see you standing here like this now.”
Jensen nodded as he returned back into Jared’s embrace. He hoped that was true because in the end, he had to go home and the last thing he wanted to do was return to a pack that could only see him for the cage he’d once been held in.
It took an hour before Jensen felt the tension finally leave. They were on the couch and Jensen was practically in Jared’s lap but it felt like the most comfortable thing in the world. They hadn’t talked really, not much beyond their initial greeting but Jensen was okay with that too. He needed to feel this, to feel the connection to his Alpha that has been denied him for too long.
When Jensen sat back and stared at Jared, he couldn’t think of a thing to say. They’d talked so many times over the phone but now that they were alone it was hard to think of words. Jensen just wanted to stay in his arms. He was safe there, but Jensen knew the problem with those sort of thoughts so he sat up and pushed himself away. He took a deep breath and tried to say what he needed Jared to hear.
“Um…”
“Eloquent as always,” Jared teased.
“Ass,” Jensen called back at him. “We should probably get food, right? That was the plan, wasn’t it?”
“We can go out. I still have reservations at Enchanted, but to be honest I’d be as happy getting take-out or room service.”
“Room service it is.”
They made quick work of the menu and called down their order.
“You don’t have to be nervous, Jensen,” Jared said as he took a seat on the couch again. “I’m not trying to push here. You know that. You said you were ready to meet again. Everyone says we’re ready to meet again. Are you sure though? Over the phone you were, but you seem … “
“What?”
“Scared? It’s not quite right but I can’t put my finger on just what it is. I can taste it on the back of my tongue though and my hackles are raised at the thought that I’m making you this uncomfortable.”
“You are, but that’s not anything you’ve done. I feel safe with you but I know I can’t let myself fall into the trap of thinking you’ll keep me safe. I’m strong and I have to be strong for myself.”
“And me being here?”
“Feels amazing and I want you here. I just may need to step away a few times to make sure I don’t start habits that I can’t afford.”
Jared just nodded his head. “Anything you need, Jensen. You know I’ll do anything I can.”
“I do. I … will you stay with me tonight?”
“I don’t think that’s a great idea.”
“I do,” Jensen said before Jared could say anything else. “I’m not asking you to claim me or anything like that. I’d just like to have you here. With me. I … I’m tired of the separation.”
He thought Jared might fight him on it but then Jared let out a deep breath and his smile was tired but honest. “I am too.”
“Then you’ll stay?”
“Yeah. I will.”
On to Part Two