While These Visions Did Appear (2/8)
Sleep didn’t fall away easily as the morning light peered through the thin slit at the edge of the curtains. He wanted to push the pillow on top of his head and drown out the sun’s rays but he knew better than that. He’d slept in late and there was nothing good going to come from that. He was too tired to care, but in his sleep addled mind he knew he had to get up and get moving.
He started to sit up but there was an arm around his chest holding him in place. He groaned, then turned his head to find himself staring down at a wild mop of brown hair. It felt good, right, to wake up like that and he took a moment to relax into the warmth, to feel the press of hard muscle against his body, the soft tickle of breath against his chest. When his mind was starting to wake up though he realized he had no idea who the guy was so he tried to move away quietly. The stranger’s face turned towards him, moving with him to keep him close and he realized the guy in his bed was little more than a kid. He stared a few minutes longer, taking in the peacefulness that had settled on the kid’s face once he got settled but he knew he couldn’t stay there for long. Something was bothering him, something was off and he needed to figure out what.
“Hey.” He finally said, shaking the guys shoulder. “Um… it’s morning.”
The kid blinked at him, then jerked away suddenly. He wanted to tell him he wouldn’t bite but he couldn’t remember the kid’s name or how he’d ended up in bed with him in the first place.
Panic flared in the green-gray eyes that were blown mostly to black in shock and it hit home then for him too. He sat up, deliriously grateful when he realized they were both wearing boxers.
“Um…” He didn’t know what to say though. He could see the kid’s reaction and it was a clear mirror of his own. “You got a name?” He asked after wetting his lips a few time.
“I have to, right?”
He closed his eyes because there was something in him that wanted to sooth the kid no matter that he didn’t know anything about him, anything about himself either. A wild laugh erupted from his throat and he just shook his head as he opened his eyes and looked at the kid. “Yeah, we both do.”
“You don’t remember anything do you?”
He thought back to the day before and there was nothing. He tried to remember a month ago, or his birthday, or his first date, anything, but there was no memory waiting in hiding for him.
He got out of bed and walked around for a few minutes, the kid’s eyes on him the whole time, then took a seat on the bed closest to the door, covers still straight and free of the mess they’d made of the other. There weren’t any answers from pacing the room. There was a bag sitting beside the bed though and he looked at it for a second.
“Think it will tell us anything?” The kid asked, following his line of sight. His eyes looked a little wild when he looked up but there was determination there and it got to him more than anything. If there were answers somewhere, he’d find them. He couldn’t leave them both in the dark like that.
“Can’t hurt, right?”
The kid sat up, moving to the edge of the other bed and watched as he up ended the bag. Clothes and a few personal items, a large pack of condoms and a handful of astroglide lube packets fell out, but it didn’t say anything really, except that he expected to have a lot of sex in the near future. He closed his eyes and shook his head because he was sure he hadn’t had sex with the kid last night but them waking together didn’t sit right with the contents of the bag. Unless he just hadn’t gotten lucky yet. Unless whatever this was supposed to be was more long term than that.
He pushed away from that thought because while the kid was sort of cute in the lost puppy dog way, he wouldn’t go after someone that obviously underage. He didn’t think he would anyway.
He shifted the clothes aside and his hand hit something hard. When he wrapped his hands around the cold metal he brought it out to the kid’s surprised gasp.
“What the hell?”
He shook his head, unable to answer.
“Do you know how to use it?”
He looked up because he had to think about it.
The kid licked his lips and looked like he was going to throw up. “Because I’m pretty sure I do.”
He handed the weapon over and watched as the kid checked the safety and then the chamber to see if it was loaded. He moved to the table then and field stripped it with fast, efficient movements. To his surprise, he began making notes in his head as he watched the kid do it so he could help him improve his time. When the kid handed it back to him, he stepped up to the table and did the same with more precision. He felt natural with the gun in his hand, felt comfortable with his knowledge of it.
“So we’ve obviously done that before.”
“Yeah,” the kid said as he looked at the other things around the table. There was another bag beside it and he grabbed it. “Should we open it up?”
“Let’s see if there is anything in there that can tell us something.”
He needed to know something else because he didn’t like the way this was going at all. The only thing he currently knew about himself was that he was planning on having sex, probably with the underage kid he’d woken up with that morning, was an expert at handing a handgun, and felt the need to correct the kid on his own handling. He really didn’t like the student-teacher implications but nothing else was making any sense just yet.
“There’s a notebook.” The kid said, throwing it on the table. “I’ll see if it says anything.”
There was a stack of books as well and while the kid read through the notebook, he began brushing through the books. There were no names written in them and no school name either.
“Hey, I found a name.”
“Yeah?”
“Sam. Sam Anderson.”
“Anything else?”
“Not yet. Just found it at the top of a history paper.”
“Keep looking.”
They were both quiet for a while as they flipped through pages. He lost his patience and began holding the books in the air, letting the pages fan out to see if anything dropped. Something did on the third book.
He opened the note and stared at it for a minute.
Sam,
Don’t forget to meet me after third period. If you get caught I’m not coming in to save your ass and the old man will find out. Be at the hotel by twelve.
Dean
The kid looked at the note when he handed it to him, then looked back up. “Nice to meet you Dean,” he said, his grin replacing the uncertainty he’d shown before.
He looked at the note in the kid’s hand and nodded. The evidence pointed right at them so he decided to go with it. “Nice to know you Sam,” he said, offering his hand. They shook and Dean couldn’t help but notice the firm handshake and the calloused fingers. “So, now what do we do?”
His stomach rumbled and Sam let out a startled laugh. “I guess we should see if we have any money and find something to eat.”
Finding their wallets had been a bit of a shock. Dean had credit cards in three names and Sam had two. Each had two insurance cards issued in different but matching names. Whatever they were doing they were doing it together. They had a quick argument about going to the cops, but then they both agreed, with the suspicious things they carried, that they might not be all that welcome at the police station so they decided to try to figure things out on their own first.
They had cash and credit so they took off for the nearest restaurant, a diner named Jenny’s that advertised the best pecan pie in all of Kansas. After Dean chatted up the waitress with Sam scowled into his coffee mug they learned that they were in Bismark Grove, Kansas. They didn’t know what that meant but at least it was a place to start.
“You didn’t see anything in those, your, notes that talked about where we were going did you?” Dean asked as he took a big bite of pecan pie.
Sam watched him, a small smile tugging at the corner of his lips as he played with his slice of apple pie. “No. It’s just school notes and since we didn’t find anything other than your note in my books, I think we’re back to square one.”
“Yeah.”
“So what’s next?” Sam asked.
“Next? I think we need to tear the room apart and see if there’s anything else to find.”
“Like?”
“I don’t know Sammy.” Dean said, dropping his fork onto his plate. “I just need to do something okay? I don’t feel comfortable going to the cops just yet and if there is anything that tells us who we are in that room, it’s better than nothing, right?”
“Yeah.” Sam said, setting his own fork down. “I just don’t know what else we’ll find and I’m not sure I want to know, considering.”
“Considering what?”
“The guns, the credit cards… Dean whatever we’re doing doesn’t seem to be on the up and up.”
“I know Sam. I know. We just need to figure it out.” When Sam looked down, Dean reached out with his fingers, pressing under Sam’s chin to tilt his head back up to look him in the eye. “We will figure this out. Until then, we stick together, right?”
Sam nodded, but that small smile appeared again, making Dean feel warmer. “Yeah Dean, alright.”
They cleaned the room out and even called the front desk to see if housekeeping had been through. Dean was told that their standing order not to be disturbed had been understood and they didn’t need to keep checking up on it. He hung up the phone, frustrated and angry but at least they knew that no one had taken anything out of the room.
They packed their bags up and Dean noticed immediately how efficiently they did it, military precision he’d call it even if he didn’t know why. They left the room spotless and other than a large bag of salt and a strange note in the trash basket written in a language they didn’t know, the only other item they found was a set of car keys. They waited until late to take the keys out and find their vehicle. When the door unlocked on the sleek black Impala Sam ran his hands up the side smiling while Dean pulled the door open and got behind the driver’s seat.
The glove compartment turned out to have a box of fake IDs, including a number of badges that made him glad he hadn’t called the police in.
“Do you think you still want to know what’s happening?” Sam asked as they went back to the motel room.
“No, but we’re going to find out anyway.” Dean answered as he dropped onto his bed. “We don’t know if someone is out there looking for us Sam. We don’t know who the old man in your note is or why you were sneaking out of class.”
“Don’t we?”
“What do you mean?”
“I just … you don’t find it suspicious that I have a note from you telling me to skip class? That we have a full set of fake ids and credit cards? You don’t think that maybe I was meeting you here to run off somewhere?”
Dean closed his eyes as he lay back on the bed. “Look Sam, we don’t know what was happening and I don’t want to jump to any conclusions. Did the thought cross my head? Yeah. I just…” he wasn’t sure what to say about that. He didn’t think he’d run off with an underage kid? He didn’t think he’d press the advantage? He didn’t know though, couldn’t help but remember how good it felt to have Sam in his arms before he’d been awake enough to process the rest of it. “I just keep thinking, with the gun and the way you move, it’s military. I think we should check it out and see if there are any military schools in the area.”
Sam laughed softly. “Don’t think I’d get around with this hair cut if I was from a military school.”
“No idea how long you had that note. Besides, this seems too… practiced to be new.”
Sam nodded. “Maybe when we wake up tomorrow our memories will be back.”
“You really think that?” Dean asked as he sat up, resting his weight on his elbows.
Sam shook his head. “Not really. I just don’t think there’s anything else to do tonight though. We’ll sleep on it and see what tomorrow brings, right?”
“Yeah.”
Sam got up and headed for the shower and Dean lay back trying to remember anything new. Instead of focusing on events or places though, he thought about Sam. He pictured those shocked green-gray eyes from the morning, the way he had this lazy, almost shy smile that would creep up when Dean gave him a little praise. Jesus, this couldn’t be what it looked like. He wasn’t that sort of person.
He was telling himself that as the bathroom door opened and Sam stepped out, steam billowing in his wake with nothing but his damn boxers again. Water dripped down his chest and Dean couldn’t keep from watching as Sam used a towel to dry his hair.
Sam leaned over and grabbed the remote, throwing it at Dean. He caught it on reflex and Sam smiled. “Nice catch.”
“Good thing, because if it’d hit me in the head I’d pound your ass.”
Sam’s cheeks turned red and Dean realized what he’d said. He didn’t address it though, anymore than he did getting caught staring at the kid’s chest. “Preference?” Dean asked as he turned the television on. He got up and slid out of his jeans and tee shirt as well, before jumping back on the bed and turning his attention that way.
When he looked at Sam his face was still red and he was looking at his hands. “Sam? Preference?”
“Huh?”
“The TV?”
“Um… no idea. I mean, how would I know what I like?”
Something was wrong and he couldn’t figure out what it was. He looked at Sam and then around the room. “This might sound strange, but I think I know what that bag of salt was for.”
“The door?” Sam asked.
Dean stared at Sam for a second but just nodded as Sam got up and handed it to him. Dean laid a thick line of salt over the door and window sills before dropping it between the two beds. Sam was sitting at the edge of his bed by then, playing with the hem of his shorts. Dean sat down and flipped through a few channels before stopping.
“Okay I haven’t forgotten everything. I know this is the original Die Hard.” He said, smiling at Sam.
Sam smiled back as he moved to sit against the headboard, mirroring Dean’s position but Dean could see how tense he was. Dean looked back at the television before closing his eyes and taking a deep breath. He told himself that he didn’t need to do anything, that they were doing their best to figure this out, but it didn’t keep him from knowing what was bothering Sam anyway.
He didn’t say anything but got up and slid between the sheets in Sam’s bed. He positioned the pillows just the way he liked them and then Sam was relaxing against his side. It was comfortable after they got used to being close and Dean could feel himself relaxing as well.
By the time the movie ended, they’d long ago turned the lights off. Sam slid down and nervously rested his head on Dean’s chest. He let one hand rest on Dean’s hip and Dean tensed at that. “Dean… we don’t have to… you know… I mean…”
“You always this smooth Sammy?” Dean asked.
“Shut up Dean,” Sam shot back and Dean could relax into the banter. “I just want to sleep alright? Is that okay?”
Dean let his hand come up, running over Sam’s back and sighed. “Yeah, just don’t hog the covers kid.”
Sam laughed, but Dean could feel the smile against his chest and it was that feeling that kept him up long after the smile had fallen sleepily from Sam’s lips.
They fell into an easy routine once they hit the road, checking out a list of military school in the area. Dean got the shower in the morning and went for breakfast while Sam slept. In the evenings Dean salted the windows and doors while Sam showered. Dean drove and Sam rode shotgun and when it came time to sleep, Sam always curled up against Dean, hand heavy on his hip.
They didn’t know who they were, but settled into the roles of Sam Anderson and Dean Young. They did know some things that began to make sense, but none of it filled in the blanks of who they were. For instance, they learned that salt lines were for protection and the Impala had a secret compartment in the back. They learned that they could hustle pool to make a lot of money and they could cheat credit card companies out of their hard earned profits. And they knew that they were hunters.
They’d come across a haunting in Kansas on the way to the first school on their list and soon realized that they both knew how to deal with a ghost. When they started asking each other questions on mythology, they realized they knew how to vanquish more than just ghosts.
There were other things they learned and decided to just go with. Like the fact that Dean liked his coffee black and Sam needed three sugars and two creamers. Dean loved old classic rock stations and Sam lived to harass him about it. The car had a Kansas license plate and they woke together in Kansas so they assumed they were from Kansas, even if they roamed the countryside going from one dingy motel to the next.
When May second came around though, Dean stopped them at a nicer hotel and told Sam to get ready to go out.
“Dean, you don’t have to do this. It’s probably not even real,” Sam said as he dropped his bag on the first bed.
They never slept in the second bed but it was one of the things neither of them ever questioned. They always ordered a room with two beds. It felt natural even if it did cost them more.
“All your IDs have the same date listed for your birthday so we’re going to go with it. You gotta have a birthday someday, right?” Dean smiled as he pushed Sam towards the bathroom. “Besides, it feels like a good night to celebrate.”
“Alright.” Sam said with a roll of his eyes. “You really think the dates are right Dean?”
“The big one seven Sammy. Look at you, almost a man.”
“Fuck off Dean,” but he was smiling as he closed the bathroom door behind him.
Dean changed into a clean pair of jeans and threw on a green tee shirt and button up. They’d been hunting pretty hard lately. Well, they always had, since they woke up that morning, but the hunt had been hard on them lately. They both needed a night out and Sam deserved something special to celebrate his birthday. Sam was right. They didn’t know if it was his real birthday or not, but they had to take some things on faith. If they started doubting everything, they’d still be left nameless in the motel room in Bismark Grove.
Dean flipped the television on and did his best to ignore the sounds of the shower in the next room. If he closed his eyes he could just imagine what Sam would look like, water dripping down his chest, suds clinging to his perfect skin.
He shook his head, trying to get rid of those thoughts. The last thing either of them needed was him getting into that head space. Six months of nothing but the two of them and he’d managed to find a way to balance his need to keep Sam close and safe with his other needs. He knew it pissed Sam off when Dean walked away with other partners, but there wasn’t anything he could do about that. Sam was just a kid and no matter what he said, or what he implied actually, there was no way he was going to pursue whatever Sam wanted them to pursue. They were friends though, hell, partners, and Sam deserved a night on the town.
Dean kept his eyes closed as he heard the shower stop. When Sam came out of the bathroom and began rummaging through his bag for clean clothes Dean rolled off the bed and began rifling through his own duffle. When he heard the tell tale sighs of Sam dressing fall away Dean turned back and looked at him.
Sam was wearing a similar outfit to his own, jeans and a tee shirt with a button up over his shirt. His hair was still wet though it was already combed back, the front flopping over his eyes in a way that made Dean want to lean forward and brush it back.
“Ready to go?” he asked.
“Yeah.” Sam said as he grabbed for his watch.
“Catch!”
Sam caught the package in the air, wrapped in day old newspaper. “Dean?”
“Happy birthday Sammy.”
Sam ripped open the package and smiled as he stared at the gift. He dropped the paper and Dean smiled at the uncharacteristic mess Sam left to fall to the floor as he wrapped the new watch around his wrist. “Dean, man,” he said as he looked down at it. “Thank you.”
It wasn’t Rolex or anything but it was a good watch, sturdy enough to last even with their lifestyle. Sam’s current watch looked like it’d been passed down through the years, or had at least come harshly used from a pawn shop.
Dean stood and Sam was suddenly in his space, arms wrapped around him in a quick embrace.
“You’re welcome,” Dean said, his voice a little gruffer than normal. It wasn’t much, wasn’t what the kid deserved, but it was something Dean had been able to give and it meant a lot to him that Sam knew that. He wasn’t sure what else to say so he covered by stepping back. “Come on. Let’s find a bar with some loud music, bad lighting, and a bartender than won’t care how drunk I get you.”
“I’m only seventeen Dean.”
“You’re a hunter Sam. You’re old enough to get drunk.”
Sam laughed at his logic but Dean smiled with him as they walked out the door of the motel. A few questions at the front desk and Dean was sure he knew the best place to go.
The bar was called the Last Resort and it was literally the last bar on the road out of town, the street running past another mile into the county border. A dry county.
The guy at the door seemed more interested in trouble than legality and didn’t even bother with IDs. The bartender looked at Dean when he ordered two beers, tilting his head slightly at Sam. “You keep him out of trouble and I’ve got no problems with this.”
Dean nodded. “No problems. We’re just here to drink quietly in the corner.”
The bartender poured the beers, then handed off two rounds of shots as well. They took the first shot at the bar, Dean smiling as Sam grimaced at the liquor going down his throat. The second shot was taken back to a booth in the back. Dean had a good view of the bar from where he was and a quick escape through the back into the parking lot if they needed it.
Sam sat across from him in the booth, smiling like a lunatic. It wasn’t the smile of a young kid getting away with drinking in a bar. It was the smile of a young man just enjoying himself, relaxing and letting himself go. Dean couldn’t help but smile back.
“Happy birthday Sammy.” Dean said as he tipped up the second shot glass. Liquor sloshed slightly as the glasses clinked together and then the second shot was downed. Sam chased the shot with a long pull from his beer but Dean just watched the way his throat worked the cool drink down.
“Pool?” Sam asked as he set his glass down.
“Not here to hustle tonight, just to celebrate.”
“Good, then I can kick your ass on the table and not have to worry about playing it down.”
“In your dreams.”
“If you’re afraid to find out Dean…”
Dean rolled his eyes at the obvious bating but since Sam wanted to play he wasn’t opposed to it. He just wanted to make sure it was about Sam and not anything else and he wanted Sam to know it too. They had little enough to really celebrate and Dean was crap when it came to expressing how he felt. He hoped that focusing on Sam for the evening would explain what he couldn’t.
When Sam stood, smiling down at him, Dean was certain that it did.
The balls broke easily and then the game flew by. They were both good and Dean could see how much Sam pulled back when they were someplace with a lower age limit and a few beat up pool cues to get a few bucks.
Sam laughed often as they played, taunting and ribbing Dean for each shot. It was just another game really, one that they were just as well practiced at. By the time they stumbled back to their table, the locals had taken to betting on which of them would win. Dean won three of four games before they handed the table off to someone else, Sam pulling along side him as they settled back into the booth. The bartender sent the waitress over with two more beers and Sam pulled his closer, taking a long drink before smiling back at him.
“Hey Dean?”
“Yeah Sammy?”
“This is the best birthday I’ve ever had.”
Dean opened his mouth to tell Sam it was the only one he’d ever had, since neither of them remembered any others, but he stopped at the look in Sam’s eyes. There was something there he’d never seen before, something he wasn’t sure he was reading right.
He swallowed against the lump in his throat and tipped his glass to Sam’s to stall a moment longer. When he trusted his voice, he smiled. “Your welcome.”
“Dean, seriously, you need to let me behind the wheel sometimes.”
Dean scoffed as he held the door for Sam, walking up to the counter of the motel. “I’ll let you drive when you can learn how to handle it.”
“I can handle you.” Sam said with a pout that made Dean smile harder.
“Can I help you?” The woman behind the counter asked, a smile firmly placed on her lips.
“A room for the night please.”
“King or Queen?”
“Two Queens.”
The woman leaned forward and Dean did the same. “You really shouldn’t make him sleep alone tonight. My mama used to say it was no good going to bed mad, best to make up and get on with the making up before bedtime,” she added with a wink.
Dean looked stunned but Sam stepped in before he could say anything. “Two queens please.”
She looked at him with sympathetic eyes and while Dean was trying to get past her words Sam managed to get the room booked and was walking out with the keys. Dean wanted to take a few extra minutes to show the receptionist just how wrong she was about them, but the stiffness in Sam’s back made him think staying any longer would be a mistake.
Sam already had their bags out of the Impala and was just about to close the door when Dean walked in. “Hey, what was that?”
“What?”
“You walking out on me back there?”
“Sorry Dean,” he said with a sarcasm that was anything but sorry. “I didn’t want to stick around and listen to you convince her you weren’t here with me. I get that you could do a lot better Dean, but I’m not gonna sit there and watch while you rub it in my goddamn face.”
Dean took a step back at the verbal onslaught, completely blindsided by Sam’s words. “What the hell?”
“Come on Dean, I’m not stupid. Whatever got us together, for whatever reason you and I live this life, we do it together. We don’t know what it used to be, but we both know the implications of how we woke up that first morning. Of how we wake up every damn morning! I don’t know why you think you can’t be with me now, maybe I’m not good enough or you were just using me to begin with, I don’t know but I’m tired of pretending to be okay with you fucking your girl du jour and coming back after to slip into the sheets with me.”
“Stop it Sam. It’s not … it’s not like that.”
“What is it then?”
“I’m not… we aren’t lovers Sam. We hunt together and we’re good at watching each other’s backs.”
“Really? That’s it? We just watch each other’s backs?”
“Yes.” The real answer was hell no, but he didn’t know how to say it. He didn’t know how to say what was happening in his head anymore than he had any other night. When Sam was around everything was complicated. Dean would rather die a hundred times over than watch Sam get hurt. When he came home from those girls, sated but empty, it was Sam, curled up into his side that curled up into the empty places in his heart. He couldn’t though, wouldn’t cross that line.
“Then you won’t mind watching my back tonight.” He said as he stripped down into his boxers and slipped into the bed closest to the door, his back to Dean.
“Sam,” he had nothing to argue with, nothing to convince Sam not to turn his back to him tonight though, so he kept his mouth closed. He turned onto his side, watching Sam’s body as he moved quietly on the bed. He knew how long it took his friend to fall asleep and then he lie awake listening to his breathing, trying to control the urge to crawl into the other bed and pull Sam close.
The next morning Dean got up early and found a bakery instead of the usual diner, bringing back bagels for Sam. He wasn’t apologizing or anything because he hadn’t done anything wrong, but he couldn’t stand it when Sam was mad at him. It was just a peace offering.
Sam took it with good grace and neither mentioned the fight. Neither slept alone the next night though, Dean slipping into bed with Sam as they watched reruns. When Sam fell asleep leaning against Dean’s side, he just slid him down the mattress and wrapped him close in his arms. It felt good that way, having his boy close, even if he didn’t know what the hell to do about it all.
On to Chapter Three
He started to sit up but there was an arm around his chest holding him in place. He groaned, then turned his head to find himself staring down at a wild mop of brown hair. It felt good, right, to wake up like that and he took a moment to relax into the warmth, to feel the press of hard muscle against his body, the soft tickle of breath against his chest. When his mind was starting to wake up though he realized he had no idea who the guy was so he tried to move away quietly. The stranger’s face turned towards him, moving with him to keep him close and he realized the guy in his bed was little more than a kid. He stared a few minutes longer, taking in the peacefulness that had settled on the kid’s face once he got settled but he knew he couldn’t stay there for long. Something was bothering him, something was off and he needed to figure out what.
“Hey.” He finally said, shaking the guys shoulder. “Um… it’s morning.”
The kid blinked at him, then jerked away suddenly. He wanted to tell him he wouldn’t bite but he couldn’t remember the kid’s name or how he’d ended up in bed with him in the first place.
Panic flared in the green-gray eyes that were blown mostly to black in shock and it hit home then for him too. He sat up, deliriously grateful when he realized they were both wearing boxers.
“Um…” He didn’t know what to say though. He could see the kid’s reaction and it was a clear mirror of his own. “You got a name?” He asked after wetting his lips a few time.
“I have to, right?”
He closed his eyes because there was something in him that wanted to sooth the kid no matter that he didn’t know anything about him, anything about himself either. A wild laugh erupted from his throat and he just shook his head as he opened his eyes and looked at the kid. “Yeah, we both do.”
“You don’t remember anything do you?”
He thought back to the day before and there was nothing. He tried to remember a month ago, or his birthday, or his first date, anything, but there was no memory waiting in hiding for him.
He got out of bed and walked around for a few minutes, the kid’s eyes on him the whole time, then took a seat on the bed closest to the door, covers still straight and free of the mess they’d made of the other. There weren’t any answers from pacing the room. There was a bag sitting beside the bed though and he looked at it for a second.
“Think it will tell us anything?” The kid asked, following his line of sight. His eyes looked a little wild when he looked up but there was determination there and it got to him more than anything. If there were answers somewhere, he’d find them. He couldn’t leave them both in the dark like that.
“Can’t hurt, right?”
The kid sat up, moving to the edge of the other bed and watched as he up ended the bag. Clothes and a few personal items, a large pack of condoms and a handful of astroglide lube packets fell out, but it didn’t say anything really, except that he expected to have a lot of sex in the near future. He closed his eyes and shook his head because he was sure he hadn’t had sex with the kid last night but them waking together didn’t sit right with the contents of the bag. Unless he just hadn’t gotten lucky yet. Unless whatever this was supposed to be was more long term than that.
He pushed away from that thought because while the kid was sort of cute in the lost puppy dog way, he wouldn’t go after someone that obviously underage. He didn’t think he would anyway.
He shifted the clothes aside and his hand hit something hard. When he wrapped his hands around the cold metal he brought it out to the kid’s surprised gasp.
“What the hell?”
He shook his head, unable to answer.
“Do you know how to use it?”
He looked up because he had to think about it.
The kid licked his lips and looked like he was going to throw up. “Because I’m pretty sure I do.”
He handed the weapon over and watched as the kid checked the safety and then the chamber to see if it was loaded. He moved to the table then and field stripped it with fast, efficient movements. To his surprise, he began making notes in his head as he watched the kid do it so he could help him improve his time. When the kid handed it back to him, he stepped up to the table and did the same with more precision. He felt natural with the gun in his hand, felt comfortable with his knowledge of it.
“So we’ve obviously done that before.”
“Yeah,” the kid said as he looked at the other things around the table. There was another bag beside it and he grabbed it. “Should we open it up?”
“Let’s see if there is anything in there that can tell us something.”
He needed to know something else because he didn’t like the way this was going at all. The only thing he currently knew about himself was that he was planning on having sex, probably with the underage kid he’d woken up with that morning, was an expert at handing a handgun, and felt the need to correct the kid on his own handling. He really didn’t like the student-teacher implications but nothing else was making any sense just yet.
“There’s a notebook.” The kid said, throwing it on the table. “I’ll see if it says anything.”
There was a stack of books as well and while the kid read through the notebook, he began brushing through the books. There were no names written in them and no school name either.
“Hey, I found a name.”
“Yeah?”
“Sam. Sam Anderson.”
“Anything else?”
“Not yet. Just found it at the top of a history paper.”
“Keep looking.”
They were both quiet for a while as they flipped through pages. He lost his patience and began holding the books in the air, letting the pages fan out to see if anything dropped. Something did on the third book.
He opened the note and stared at it for a minute.
Sam,
Don’t forget to meet me after third period. If you get caught I’m not coming in to save your ass and the old man will find out. Be at the hotel by twelve.
Dean
The kid looked at the note when he handed it to him, then looked back up. “Nice to meet you Dean,” he said, his grin replacing the uncertainty he’d shown before.
He looked at the note in the kid’s hand and nodded. The evidence pointed right at them so he decided to go with it. “Nice to know you Sam,” he said, offering his hand. They shook and Dean couldn’t help but notice the firm handshake and the calloused fingers. “So, now what do we do?”
His stomach rumbled and Sam let out a startled laugh. “I guess we should see if we have any money and find something to eat.”
Finding their wallets had been a bit of a shock. Dean had credit cards in three names and Sam had two. Each had two insurance cards issued in different but matching names. Whatever they were doing they were doing it together. They had a quick argument about going to the cops, but then they both agreed, with the suspicious things they carried, that they might not be all that welcome at the police station so they decided to try to figure things out on their own first.
They had cash and credit so they took off for the nearest restaurant, a diner named Jenny’s that advertised the best pecan pie in all of Kansas. After Dean chatted up the waitress with Sam scowled into his coffee mug they learned that they were in Bismark Grove, Kansas. They didn’t know what that meant but at least it was a place to start.
“You didn’t see anything in those, your, notes that talked about where we were going did you?” Dean asked as he took a big bite of pecan pie.
Sam watched him, a small smile tugging at the corner of his lips as he played with his slice of apple pie. “No. It’s just school notes and since we didn’t find anything other than your note in my books, I think we’re back to square one.”
“Yeah.”
“So what’s next?” Sam asked.
“Next? I think we need to tear the room apart and see if there’s anything else to find.”
“Like?”
“I don’t know Sammy.” Dean said, dropping his fork onto his plate. “I just need to do something okay? I don’t feel comfortable going to the cops just yet and if there is anything that tells us who we are in that room, it’s better than nothing, right?”
“Yeah.” Sam said, setting his own fork down. “I just don’t know what else we’ll find and I’m not sure I want to know, considering.”
“Considering what?”
“The guns, the credit cards… Dean whatever we’re doing doesn’t seem to be on the up and up.”
“I know Sam. I know. We just need to figure it out.” When Sam looked down, Dean reached out with his fingers, pressing under Sam’s chin to tilt his head back up to look him in the eye. “We will figure this out. Until then, we stick together, right?”
Sam nodded, but that small smile appeared again, making Dean feel warmer. “Yeah Dean, alright.”
They cleaned the room out and even called the front desk to see if housekeeping had been through. Dean was told that their standing order not to be disturbed had been understood and they didn’t need to keep checking up on it. He hung up the phone, frustrated and angry but at least they knew that no one had taken anything out of the room.
They packed their bags up and Dean noticed immediately how efficiently they did it, military precision he’d call it even if he didn’t know why. They left the room spotless and other than a large bag of salt and a strange note in the trash basket written in a language they didn’t know, the only other item they found was a set of car keys. They waited until late to take the keys out and find their vehicle. When the door unlocked on the sleek black Impala Sam ran his hands up the side smiling while Dean pulled the door open and got behind the driver’s seat.
The glove compartment turned out to have a box of fake IDs, including a number of badges that made him glad he hadn’t called the police in.
“Do you think you still want to know what’s happening?” Sam asked as they went back to the motel room.
“No, but we’re going to find out anyway.” Dean answered as he dropped onto his bed. “We don’t know if someone is out there looking for us Sam. We don’t know who the old man in your note is or why you were sneaking out of class.”
“Don’t we?”
“What do you mean?”
“I just … you don’t find it suspicious that I have a note from you telling me to skip class? That we have a full set of fake ids and credit cards? You don’t think that maybe I was meeting you here to run off somewhere?”
Dean closed his eyes as he lay back on the bed. “Look Sam, we don’t know what was happening and I don’t want to jump to any conclusions. Did the thought cross my head? Yeah. I just…” he wasn’t sure what to say about that. He didn’t think he’d run off with an underage kid? He didn’t think he’d press the advantage? He didn’t know though, couldn’t help but remember how good it felt to have Sam in his arms before he’d been awake enough to process the rest of it. “I just keep thinking, with the gun and the way you move, it’s military. I think we should check it out and see if there are any military schools in the area.”
Sam laughed softly. “Don’t think I’d get around with this hair cut if I was from a military school.”
“No idea how long you had that note. Besides, this seems too… practiced to be new.”
Sam nodded. “Maybe when we wake up tomorrow our memories will be back.”
“You really think that?” Dean asked as he sat up, resting his weight on his elbows.
Sam shook his head. “Not really. I just don’t think there’s anything else to do tonight though. We’ll sleep on it and see what tomorrow brings, right?”
“Yeah.”
Sam got up and headed for the shower and Dean lay back trying to remember anything new. Instead of focusing on events or places though, he thought about Sam. He pictured those shocked green-gray eyes from the morning, the way he had this lazy, almost shy smile that would creep up when Dean gave him a little praise. Jesus, this couldn’t be what it looked like. He wasn’t that sort of person.
He was telling himself that as the bathroom door opened and Sam stepped out, steam billowing in his wake with nothing but his damn boxers again. Water dripped down his chest and Dean couldn’t keep from watching as Sam used a towel to dry his hair.
Sam leaned over and grabbed the remote, throwing it at Dean. He caught it on reflex and Sam smiled. “Nice catch.”
“Good thing, because if it’d hit me in the head I’d pound your ass.”
Sam’s cheeks turned red and Dean realized what he’d said. He didn’t address it though, anymore than he did getting caught staring at the kid’s chest. “Preference?” Dean asked as he turned the television on. He got up and slid out of his jeans and tee shirt as well, before jumping back on the bed and turning his attention that way.
When he looked at Sam his face was still red and he was looking at his hands. “Sam? Preference?”
“Huh?”
“The TV?”
“Um… no idea. I mean, how would I know what I like?”
Something was wrong and he couldn’t figure out what it was. He looked at Sam and then around the room. “This might sound strange, but I think I know what that bag of salt was for.”
“The door?” Sam asked.
Dean stared at Sam for a second but just nodded as Sam got up and handed it to him. Dean laid a thick line of salt over the door and window sills before dropping it between the two beds. Sam was sitting at the edge of his bed by then, playing with the hem of his shorts. Dean sat down and flipped through a few channels before stopping.
“Okay I haven’t forgotten everything. I know this is the original Die Hard.” He said, smiling at Sam.
Sam smiled back as he moved to sit against the headboard, mirroring Dean’s position but Dean could see how tense he was. Dean looked back at the television before closing his eyes and taking a deep breath. He told himself that he didn’t need to do anything, that they were doing their best to figure this out, but it didn’t keep him from knowing what was bothering Sam anyway.
He didn’t say anything but got up and slid between the sheets in Sam’s bed. He positioned the pillows just the way he liked them and then Sam was relaxing against his side. It was comfortable after they got used to being close and Dean could feel himself relaxing as well.
By the time the movie ended, they’d long ago turned the lights off. Sam slid down and nervously rested his head on Dean’s chest. He let one hand rest on Dean’s hip and Dean tensed at that. “Dean… we don’t have to… you know… I mean…”
“You always this smooth Sammy?” Dean asked.
“Shut up Dean,” Sam shot back and Dean could relax into the banter. “I just want to sleep alright? Is that okay?”
Dean let his hand come up, running over Sam’s back and sighed. “Yeah, just don’t hog the covers kid.”
Sam laughed, but Dean could feel the smile against his chest and it was that feeling that kept him up long after the smile had fallen sleepily from Sam’s lips.
They fell into an easy routine once they hit the road, checking out a list of military school in the area. Dean got the shower in the morning and went for breakfast while Sam slept. In the evenings Dean salted the windows and doors while Sam showered. Dean drove and Sam rode shotgun and when it came time to sleep, Sam always curled up against Dean, hand heavy on his hip.
They didn’t know who they were, but settled into the roles of Sam Anderson and Dean Young. They did know some things that began to make sense, but none of it filled in the blanks of who they were. For instance, they learned that salt lines were for protection and the Impala had a secret compartment in the back. They learned that they could hustle pool to make a lot of money and they could cheat credit card companies out of their hard earned profits. And they knew that they were hunters.
They’d come across a haunting in Kansas on the way to the first school on their list and soon realized that they both knew how to deal with a ghost. When they started asking each other questions on mythology, they realized they knew how to vanquish more than just ghosts.
There were other things they learned and decided to just go with. Like the fact that Dean liked his coffee black and Sam needed three sugars and two creamers. Dean loved old classic rock stations and Sam lived to harass him about it. The car had a Kansas license plate and they woke together in Kansas so they assumed they were from Kansas, even if they roamed the countryside going from one dingy motel to the next.
When May second came around though, Dean stopped them at a nicer hotel and told Sam to get ready to go out.
“Dean, you don’t have to do this. It’s probably not even real,” Sam said as he dropped his bag on the first bed.
They never slept in the second bed but it was one of the things neither of them ever questioned. They always ordered a room with two beds. It felt natural even if it did cost them more.
“All your IDs have the same date listed for your birthday so we’re going to go with it. You gotta have a birthday someday, right?” Dean smiled as he pushed Sam towards the bathroom. “Besides, it feels like a good night to celebrate.”
“Alright.” Sam said with a roll of his eyes. “You really think the dates are right Dean?”
“The big one seven Sammy. Look at you, almost a man.”
“Fuck off Dean,” but he was smiling as he closed the bathroom door behind him.
Dean changed into a clean pair of jeans and threw on a green tee shirt and button up. They’d been hunting pretty hard lately. Well, they always had, since they woke up that morning, but the hunt had been hard on them lately. They both needed a night out and Sam deserved something special to celebrate his birthday. Sam was right. They didn’t know if it was his real birthday or not, but they had to take some things on faith. If they started doubting everything, they’d still be left nameless in the motel room in Bismark Grove.
Dean flipped the television on and did his best to ignore the sounds of the shower in the next room. If he closed his eyes he could just imagine what Sam would look like, water dripping down his chest, suds clinging to his perfect skin.
He shook his head, trying to get rid of those thoughts. The last thing either of them needed was him getting into that head space. Six months of nothing but the two of them and he’d managed to find a way to balance his need to keep Sam close and safe with his other needs. He knew it pissed Sam off when Dean walked away with other partners, but there wasn’t anything he could do about that. Sam was just a kid and no matter what he said, or what he implied actually, there was no way he was going to pursue whatever Sam wanted them to pursue. They were friends though, hell, partners, and Sam deserved a night on the town.
Dean kept his eyes closed as he heard the shower stop. When Sam came out of the bathroom and began rummaging through his bag for clean clothes Dean rolled off the bed and began rifling through his own duffle. When he heard the tell tale sighs of Sam dressing fall away Dean turned back and looked at him.
Sam was wearing a similar outfit to his own, jeans and a tee shirt with a button up over his shirt. His hair was still wet though it was already combed back, the front flopping over his eyes in a way that made Dean want to lean forward and brush it back.
“Ready to go?” he asked.
“Yeah.” Sam said as he grabbed for his watch.
“Catch!”
Sam caught the package in the air, wrapped in day old newspaper. “Dean?”
“Happy birthday Sammy.”
Sam ripped open the package and smiled as he stared at the gift. He dropped the paper and Dean smiled at the uncharacteristic mess Sam left to fall to the floor as he wrapped the new watch around his wrist. “Dean, man,” he said as he looked down at it. “Thank you.”
It wasn’t Rolex or anything but it was a good watch, sturdy enough to last even with their lifestyle. Sam’s current watch looked like it’d been passed down through the years, or had at least come harshly used from a pawn shop.
Dean stood and Sam was suddenly in his space, arms wrapped around him in a quick embrace.
“You’re welcome,” Dean said, his voice a little gruffer than normal. It wasn’t much, wasn’t what the kid deserved, but it was something Dean had been able to give and it meant a lot to him that Sam knew that. He wasn’t sure what else to say so he covered by stepping back. “Come on. Let’s find a bar with some loud music, bad lighting, and a bartender than won’t care how drunk I get you.”
“I’m only seventeen Dean.”
“You’re a hunter Sam. You’re old enough to get drunk.”
Sam laughed at his logic but Dean smiled with him as they walked out the door of the motel. A few questions at the front desk and Dean was sure he knew the best place to go.
The bar was called the Last Resort and it was literally the last bar on the road out of town, the street running past another mile into the county border. A dry county.
The guy at the door seemed more interested in trouble than legality and didn’t even bother with IDs. The bartender looked at Dean when he ordered two beers, tilting his head slightly at Sam. “You keep him out of trouble and I’ve got no problems with this.”
Dean nodded. “No problems. We’re just here to drink quietly in the corner.”
The bartender poured the beers, then handed off two rounds of shots as well. They took the first shot at the bar, Dean smiling as Sam grimaced at the liquor going down his throat. The second shot was taken back to a booth in the back. Dean had a good view of the bar from where he was and a quick escape through the back into the parking lot if they needed it.
Sam sat across from him in the booth, smiling like a lunatic. It wasn’t the smile of a young kid getting away with drinking in a bar. It was the smile of a young man just enjoying himself, relaxing and letting himself go. Dean couldn’t help but smile back.
“Happy birthday Sammy.” Dean said as he tipped up the second shot glass. Liquor sloshed slightly as the glasses clinked together and then the second shot was downed. Sam chased the shot with a long pull from his beer but Dean just watched the way his throat worked the cool drink down.
“Pool?” Sam asked as he set his glass down.
“Not here to hustle tonight, just to celebrate.”
“Good, then I can kick your ass on the table and not have to worry about playing it down.”
“In your dreams.”
“If you’re afraid to find out Dean…”
Dean rolled his eyes at the obvious bating but since Sam wanted to play he wasn’t opposed to it. He just wanted to make sure it was about Sam and not anything else and he wanted Sam to know it too. They had little enough to really celebrate and Dean was crap when it came to expressing how he felt. He hoped that focusing on Sam for the evening would explain what he couldn’t.
When Sam stood, smiling down at him, Dean was certain that it did.
The balls broke easily and then the game flew by. They were both good and Dean could see how much Sam pulled back when they were someplace with a lower age limit and a few beat up pool cues to get a few bucks.
Sam laughed often as they played, taunting and ribbing Dean for each shot. It was just another game really, one that they were just as well practiced at. By the time they stumbled back to their table, the locals had taken to betting on which of them would win. Dean won three of four games before they handed the table off to someone else, Sam pulling along side him as they settled back into the booth. The bartender sent the waitress over with two more beers and Sam pulled his closer, taking a long drink before smiling back at him.
“Hey Dean?”
“Yeah Sammy?”
“This is the best birthday I’ve ever had.”
Dean opened his mouth to tell Sam it was the only one he’d ever had, since neither of them remembered any others, but he stopped at the look in Sam’s eyes. There was something there he’d never seen before, something he wasn’t sure he was reading right.
He swallowed against the lump in his throat and tipped his glass to Sam’s to stall a moment longer. When he trusted his voice, he smiled. “Your welcome.”
“Dean, seriously, you need to let me behind the wheel sometimes.”
Dean scoffed as he held the door for Sam, walking up to the counter of the motel. “I’ll let you drive when you can learn how to handle it.”
“I can handle you.” Sam said with a pout that made Dean smile harder.
“Can I help you?” The woman behind the counter asked, a smile firmly placed on her lips.
“A room for the night please.”
“King or Queen?”
“Two Queens.”
The woman leaned forward and Dean did the same. “You really shouldn’t make him sleep alone tonight. My mama used to say it was no good going to bed mad, best to make up and get on with the making up before bedtime,” she added with a wink.
Dean looked stunned but Sam stepped in before he could say anything. “Two queens please.”
She looked at him with sympathetic eyes and while Dean was trying to get past her words Sam managed to get the room booked and was walking out with the keys. Dean wanted to take a few extra minutes to show the receptionist just how wrong she was about them, but the stiffness in Sam’s back made him think staying any longer would be a mistake.
Sam already had their bags out of the Impala and was just about to close the door when Dean walked in. “Hey, what was that?”
“What?”
“You walking out on me back there?”
“Sorry Dean,” he said with a sarcasm that was anything but sorry. “I didn’t want to stick around and listen to you convince her you weren’t here with me. I get that you could do a lot better Dean, but I’m not gonna sit there and watch while you rub it in my goddamn face.”
Dean took a step back at the verbal onslaught, completely blindsided by Sam’s words. “What the hell?”
“Come on Dean, I’m not stupid. Whatever got us together, for whatever reason you and I live this life, we do it together. We don’t know what it used to be, but we both know the implications of how we woke up that first morning. Of how we wake up every damn morning! I don’t know why you think you can’t be with me now, maybe I’m not good enough or you were just using me to begin with, I don’t know but I’m tired of pretending to be okay with you fucking your girl du jour and coming back after to slip into the sheets with me.”
“Stop it Sam. It’s not … it’s not like that.”
“What is it then?”
“I’m not… we aren’t lovers Sam. We hunt together and we’re good at watching each other’s backs.”
“Really? That’s it? We just watch each other’s backs?”
“Yes.” The real answer was hell no, but he didn’t know how to say it. He didn’t know how to say what was happening in his head anymore than he had any other night. When Sam was around everything was complicated. Dean would rather die a hundred times over than watch Sam get hurt. When he came home from those girls, sated but empty, it was Sam, curled up into his side that curled up into the empty places in his heart. He couldn’t though, wouldn’t cross that line.
“Then you won’t mind watching my back tonight.” He said as he stripped down into his boxers and slipped into the bed closest to the door, his back to Dean.
“Sam,” he had nothing to argue with, nothing to convince Sam not to turn his back to him tonight though, so he kept his mouth closed. He turned onto his side, watching Sam’s body as he moved quietly on the bed. He knew how long it took his friend to fall asleep and then he lie awake listening to his breathing, trying to control the urge to crawl into the other bed and pull Sam close.
The next morning Dean got up early and found a bakery instead of the usual diner, bringing back bagels for Sam. He wasn’t apologizing or anything because he hadn’t done anything wrong, but he couldn’t stand it when Sam was mad at him. It was just a peace offering.
Sam took it with good grace and neither mentioned the fight. Neither slept alone the next night though, Dean slipping into bed with Sam as they watched reruns. When Sam fell asleep leaning against Dean’s side, he just slid him down the mattress and wrapped him close in his arms. It felt good that way, having his boy close, even if he didn’t know what the hell to do about it all.
On to Chapter Three