Just Pawns
Title: Just Pawns
Author: hunters_retreat
Fandom: Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles
Pairing: John/Derek
Rating: PG
Warning: incest
Summary: In the end, they were all just pawns.
Just Pawns
“I used to hate chess.”
John stared as his opponent made another move, fingers nimble and far too graceful for what they were. A killer’s hands, washed in blood so thick it would take more than a river to clean. John scanned the board, always think ahead, his mother had taught him, always thing a step ahead. Others had said more. Always think endgame, not what does this mean now? But will this get me what I want in the end?
He moved his piece with quiet efficiency and was taken aback with another bold move from across the table.
“I could never see how this sort of game mattered. Then we were at war and I didn’t have time for games anyway.”
John thought his next move out. Quickly, his mother had always said, quick and decisive. If you have to sweat the decision, do it in your head and nowhere else. Others had said, don’t do it. Don’t sweat it. You will make mistakes. People will die. People will die if you make the right ones or the wrong ones. That’s the way of war.
“Then one day, we’re all sitting in some trench and one of the guys pulls out this patch of fabric and these stones. He’s carved little emblems on them while we waited over the years. Every time one chips, he just gets a new one. He said it kept him sane.”
Three more moves. Three each in quick succession and John gasped as his Queen fell.
“He pulled out that board and there we were, just lying in the trench, waiting for the metal to fall all over us, playing chess. The thing is they’ll tell you it’s all about strategy and outthinking your opponent. They’ll tell you to know your opponent. It’s all bullshit.”
Derek looked at John, his hand moving a breadth away from his nephews, his eyes heated in a way John knew but never expected to be returned. “It’s all about you. It’s about what you’re willing to sacrifice to get to the endgame. It’s about you having the courage to destroy what’s in your way and take what you want.”
John could barely breathe through the tension and he flinched as another voice reminded him they weren’t alone. “That’s an interesting way to look at it.” His mother said from across the room, her eyes taking in everything outside the glass windows of their home, and as usual, none of what was within.
Derek eyed John for a minute before standing up. “You just have to decide what you want John.”
The naked invitation in his eyes was everything he’d ever wanted. It was dangerous, he knew that, knew the heady mixture of love and affection, protection and hero worship that was a give and take with his uncle. Going both ways, Derek never forgot who John was or who he’d become and John never forgot that Derek was more than just the uncle that understood him better than anyone else.
Derek walked out, going through the back door to the small scattering of trees that gave cover and comfort from the heat of the day. If you were careful, it gave relief from the seeking eyes within the house as well.
John looked at his mother, her eyes distant as she dealt with her own demons. Cameron was on a supply run and wouldn’t be back until much later. He stood up, knowing, as always, which way he was destined to turn. It was the first time in a while he could remember actually wanting this path though.
“Be careful John.”
He watched her and found himself looking at her in ways he’d often noticed people looking at him. He didn’t think ‘mom’ or ‘mother’ or ‘safe’. He saw not the mother of John, but the protector and guardian of John Connor. It made her words more a plea than an order now.
“Not everything people do is what it seems. You’re not the only one that can take what they want.”
John Connor smiled at her, slightly condescending and he couldn’t find it in himself to care. “Oh, I’m well aware of that. The difference is, in this game, I hold all the pieces. Derek, he’s just some guy with a scrap of fabric.”
She looked at him, her face filled with a mix of awe and disgust. “He’s not someone you mess with John. He’s a soldier.”
He shook his head, giving her the same smile again. “He’s my soldier Sarah. I’ll order him to his death someday, but until then, keep your head in your own game, and I’ll take refuge in mine.”
She was quiet at that and he walked out to join his uncle. She didn’t need to know that it was just another lie, another ruse to keep her on her toes. She didn’t need to know that John had surrendered to his uncle a hundred times before, in a hundred ways. She didn’t need to know that John grew stronger for having that one person he could rely on to throw him back into the game. She didn’t need to know that tonight, under the trees, he’d surrender his body for the first time, giving and taking in a way that she knew only from the fevered memories of his dead father.
In the morning, they’d all pretend to be playing at the same game but John would know. Sarah Connor’s end game was to keep John safe. Derek Reese’s was to save John’s humanity. John Connor’s was to save humanity itself. Three different games with three skilled players.
It wasn’t until later that night, lying naked in his uncle’s arms, that John realized what Derek has always known. In the end, they were all just pawns.
Author: hunters_retreat
Fandom: Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles
Pairing: John/Derek
Rating: PG
Warning: incest
Summary: In the end, they were all just pawns.
Just Pawns
“I used to hate chess.”
John stared as his opponent made another move, fingers nimble and far too graceful for what they were. A killer’s hands, washed in blood so thick it would take more than a river to clean. John scanned the board, always think ahead, his mother had taught him, always thing a step ahead. Others had said more. Always think endgame, not what does this mean now? But will this get me what I want in the end?
He moved his piece with quiet efficiency and was taken aback with another bold move from across the table.
“I could never see how this sort of game mattered. Then we were at war and I didn’t have time for games anyway.”
John thought his next move out. Quickly, his mother had always said, quick and decisive. If you have to sweat the decision, do it in your head and nowhere else. Others had said, don’t do it. Don’t sweat it. You will make mistakes. People will die. People will die if you make the right ones or the wrong ones. That’s the way of war.
“Then one day, we’re all sitting in some trench and one of the guys pulls out this patch of fabric and these stones. He’s carved little emblems on them while we waited over the years. Every time one chips, he just gets a new one. He said it kept him sane.”
Three more moves. Three each in quick succession and John gasped as his Queen fell.
“He pulled out that board and there we were, just lying in the trench, waiting for the metal to fall all over us, playing chess. The thing is they’ll tell you it’s all about strategy and outthinking your opponent. They’ll tell you to know your opponent. It’s all bullshit.”
Derek looked at John, his hand moving a breadth away from his nephews, his eyes heated in a way John knew but never expected to be returned. “It’s all about you. It’s about what you’re willing to sacrifice to get to the endgame. It’s about you having the courage to destroy what’s in your way and take what you want.”
John could barely breathe through the tension and he flinched as another voice reminded him they weren’t alone. “That’s an interesting way to look at it.” His mother said from across the room, her eyes taking in everything outside the glass windows of their home, and as usual, none of what was within.
Derek eyed John for a minute before standing up. “You just have to decide what you want John.”
The naked invitation in his eyes was everything he’d ever wanted. It was dangerous, he knew that, knew the heady mixture of love and affection, protection and hero worship that was a give and take with his uncle. Going both ways, Derek never forgot who John was or who he’d become and John never forgot that Derek was more than just the uncle that understood him better than anyone else.
Derek walked out, going through the back door to the small scattering of trees that gave cover and comfort from the heat of the day. If you were careful, it gave relief from the seeking eyes within the house as well.
John looked at his mother, her eyes distant as she dealt with her own demons. Cameron was on a supply run and wouldn’t be back until much later. He stood up, knowing, as always, which way he was destined to turn. It was the first time in a while he could remember actually wanting this path though.
“Be careful John.”
He watched her and found himself looking at her in ways he’d often noticed people looking at him. He didn’t think ‘mom’ or ‘mother’ or ‘safe’. He saw not the mother of John, but the protector and guardian of John Connor. It made her words more a plea than an order now.
“Not everything people do is what it seems. You’re not the only one that can take what they want.”
John Connor smiled at her, slightly condescending and he couldn’t find it in himself to care. “Oh, I’m well aware of that. The difference is, in this game, I hold all the pieces. Derek, he’s just some guy with a scrap of fabric.”
She looked at him, her face filled with a mix of awe and disgust. “He’s not someone you mess with John. He’s a soldier.”
He shook his head, giving her the same smile again. “He’s my soldier Sarah. I’ll order him to his death someday, but until then, keep your head in your own game, and I’ll take refuge in mine.”
She was quiet at that and he walked out to join his uncle. She didn’t need to know that it was just another lie, another ruse to keep her on her toes. She didn’t need to know that John had surrendered to his uncle a hundred times before, in a hundred ways. She didn’t need to know that John grew stronger for having that one person he could rely on to throw him back into the game. She didn’t need to know that tonight, under the trees, he’d surrender his body for the first time, giving and taking in a way that she knew only from the fevered memories of his dead father.
In the morning, they’d all pretend to be playing at the same game but John would know. Sarah Connor’s end game was to keep John safe. Derek Reese’s was to save John’s humanity. John Connor’s was to save humanity itself. Three different games with three skilled players.
It wasn’t until later that night, lying naked in his uncle’s arms, that John realized what Derek has always known. In the end, they were all just pawns.