More IDEA short story shit (the edited version)

[humanflyz]

I wonder how my poppy fields are doing, thought Ulysseus. My fields should be covered with red poppies in this early spring. Oh how beautiful my fields must look! Children will be running across the fields, playing, laughing, falling down and looking at the clear, blue sky. Such thoughts swam in Ulysseus’ brain as the artillery shells landed near

Comments

[marisacoulter]

he couldn’t hear the bestial shrieks of pain

*tear* Brown would be proud...

Now for the real feedback:
1. I give you an A!
2. Awesome overall, except for a few slips between past and present tense.
3.Wow, Michael! This was really well written! Very descriptive!
[/sarcasm]

I really did like this, actually. Just that... "bestial" reminded me too much of that woman's class. Who cares. This was really good. IDEA might think it to graphic... hopefully not. If they do they're a bunch of pansies.

[[oh yes, and =w= rocks]]

MITZI!

[mornin]

IM IN IDEA MAGAZINE!!! Grrr...

Re: MITZI!

[marisacoulter]

What? So? Geez! I'm just saaaaying! If they don't let his story in, then they're pansies. For now, they're still on good terms with me.

Simmer, Kevin.

Awesome

[humanflyz]

Hmm, I detect a conflict of interest in this. You are part of IDEA, but you are reading a potential submission to the organization that you are working for. Oh well, who gives a shit right?

Oh yeah, this is the rough draft; the final draft is on my xanga, which I haven't posted up here yet due to the lack of an "edit" option in LJ.

Re: Awesome

[mornin]

There is an edit Mike. In the tool bar on the top of the homepage, you should see the tab "Manage". Under that, click Entries, and I think you're smart enough to handle the rest. =). Laters. I want to see the editted version!

[humanflyz]

well, the version that i submitted is in the journal now. its ending is not as optimistic as the rough draft, but i thought the original ending was too happy-happy crap. So i made the ending more ambiguous.