since no one else is posting.. >> << >>
We have 18 members now!! But only two of us our posting anything.. TT_TT Please keep promoting~~ and seeing more posts in this community would be nice.
Anyway.. here's an older fanfic of mine. It's the most recent finished one I have.
Title: Scars
Pairing: YooSoo
Rating: NC-17
Style: Chapter Fic
Genre: Yaoi/Angst
Author: Shinyasangel
He was thinking about him again. He seemed to be doing that a lot lately. Running his fingers through his tousled brown hair, Micky Park sighed and rolled over on his side to look at the window. There was no way he could sleep right now. He knew that the second he closed his eyes he’d picture him again. The soft blonde hair, the sweetly innocent brown eyes, the adorable smile. He groaned as the image formed almost reflection-like in the window.
“God…get out of my head,” he groaned out, grimacing as the memories of the sweet younger blonde came flooding back into his consciousness. Every turn of his head, every slight scent of his shampoo as he hugged him in greeting, every feel of contact as their bodies touched, every slight change in pitch as he spoke or sang.
He let out a noise of frustration and rolled over onto his back, looking up at the very blank ceiling above him, trying to control his breathing and calm down the racing of his heart. “I’m such…a pervert…” he whispered self-loathingly as he ran a hand down his face, trying to hold back the tears he knew would fall. “What the fuck is wrong with me?”
After laying there in silence for a little while, letting the shameful tears fall silently down his cheeks as he continued to stare blankly ahead, he sat up and rested his head in his hands. Yeah, no sleeping for him. Sighing for the millionth time that night he moved to sit on the edge of his bed, rubbing what little sleep there was in his eyes. Then he stood and moved to the mini-fridge he had on the other side of his room, opening it and taking out a can of beer. After pausing in mid-thought, he grabbed two more and walked slowly back over to his bed. Opening a can he took a long drink, smiling at the feel of the cool liquid sliding down the back of his throat. He wouldn’t admit it, but this had become an almost nightly ritual, seeing as it was the only way he could get the blonde out of his head.
He had drank almost two full cans before he started to feel the lightheadedness, making him smile in relief. There was the feeling he had been searching for. Then reality kicked in. What the fuck was he doing? Drinking away his problems? He looked at the can in his hand blankly, before he threw it to the floor in frustration. “I’m so damn weak!” he cried out to know what but himself as the tears started to fall again, this time harder, his whole body shaking as he curled up on his bed.
The tears wracked his body for a long time, until eventually his eyes ran dry and he lay there on a soaked pillow, gasping for breath. Slowly closing his eyes against his now pounding headache, he let himself drift off to a troubled sleep.
..
“Micky oppa!” Changmin greeted with a happy smile on his face as Micky plodded into the kitchen they all shared in his boxers and socks only. He smiled gingerly, squinting against the bright light. “You’re up late again today. Jae already fixed breakfast.. though I guess you could heat some up.”
“I’m not hungry.”
He sat down at the table and held his head in his hands, trying to ignore the pounding that was a result of the drinking and crying fest of last night. ‘Please don’t let him come in here…please…’ But of course fate didn’t seem to be on his side as the younger man came in, obviously having been awake much longer than him. He was dressed as well as ever and his hair was perfectly styled. Micky couldn’t even look at him.
“Good afternoon, Micky, looks like you finally woke up,” he joked, walking over to hug him good morning. Micky mentally cringed as he felt his heart leap for joy as he hugged him, reveling in the feel of his clothes on his skin, his warmth warming him. “Stay up late writing a song or something?” Micky looked up into his eyes and felt his whole body tingle.
“Something like that…” he almost whispered, standing to get some coffee. He needed to wake up and loose his headache if he was to act like nothing was wrong. Taking a sip of the warm liquid, he felt himself come to his senses quickly.
The blonde smiled brightly. “I get to read it when you’re done, right?” he asked happily. He always wanted to read his songs. Micky nodded and took another sip of his coughing, grimacing when he realized he was drinking it sans-cream and sugar.
“XIAH!!! GET YOUR GIRLY CRAP OUT OF THE BATHROOM NOW!” Yunho yelled as he came barreling into the kitchen, making Micky’s head pound even worse. “Oh, good afternoon, Micky~” Micky nodded a hello, grabbing the extra strength Tylenol out of the cabinet, realizing it would take more than coffee to relieve his headache in this house. The older man then turned back to Xiah with a frown on his face. “Seriously, it’s like living with a girl. Your crap covers the whole sink!! At least go clean it up!”
Xiah bit his lip cutely and pouted, tears forming in his eyes. About the only member that moved to tears faster than Micky had to be him. Almost anything could make Xiah cry. It was adorable. Yunho sighed and placed his hands on his hips in frustration. “Don’t look at me like that. Just go clean it up.” Xiah nodded and slinked out of the room as Yunho moved to grab some food from the fridge.
Micky sipped his coffee in silence, after having downed 4 pills, and then left the kitchen to take a shower and get dressed. As he walked into the bathroom with his towel and miscellaneous shower supplies, he stopped to watch Xiah slowly cleaning everything off the sink counter. Was he really crying or did he have a cold? “Xiah…?” he asked softly.
The blonde jumped slightly and turned to look at him, a small smile on his face. “Sorry I’ll be out of here in a second,” he said softly, turning back to put more things under the sink. Micky couldn’t help but take the chance to let his eyes wander along Xiah’s profile. ‘God he’s so gorgeous.. he’s just beautiful.’ He sighed, and obviously louder than he had intended because he noticed Xiah looking at him. “Micky?” he asked with uncertainty. “Everything okay?”
He tried not to blush and nodded, looking down at the floor. Less than a minute later Xiah was walking past him, Micky taking in every scent he could before entering the now empty bathroom and closing the door behind him. Looking in the mirror he frowned, seeing the empty look in his eyes and the circles that were slowly starting to grow underneath them. As if he wasn’t hideous enough before. He shook his head and went to start the shower, waiting for the water to get warm as he stripped out of his boxers and socks. Stepping in he let the water run along his skin in individual trails, relaxing the muscles in his body and helping to relieve the still pounding headache.
After a long shower he got out and dried off, wrapping the towel around his waist as he walked over to the foggy mirror, wiping the condensation off with the back of his hand. Running a hand down his cheek he decided he could go without a shave and went on to brushing his teeth and coming his hair. The door opened and Micky jumped, almost loosing his towel, and turned to find JaeJoong standing there, his eyes wide. “Sorry.. I just need to use the bathroom.” Micky nodded and hurried with finishing his hair, deciding he would just let it dry on its own.
Getting dressed, he sat down on his bed and tried to think of a way to pass the day. Coming up with nothing he moved to the laptop that sat on his desk, turning it on and browsing their net café. All the praising phrases blurred in front of his eyes as he kept reading pointlessly. After a few minutes he exited the page, feeling that if he read the phrase “I love you Micky oppa! :D” one more time he might throw up his empty stomach.
“Micky?” Xiah’s sweet voice came from his door. He turned in his chair and forced a casual smile. “Are you busy?” Micky shook his head and Xiah came into his room, looking around and finding the thrown beer can from the night before. “Were you drinking?” The question was meant to be casual, but it held more weight than the surface value told. He could feel his heart sinking as he looked in the knowing eyes of his friend. “Why were you drinking? Alone?” That soft voice held something Micky feared, disappointment.
He knew he couldn’t lie. And before he could control it all the feelings he had last night came rushing back to the surface. Tears began to form in his eyes as he stood and physically turned away from Xiah. Xiah couldn’t see the tears. He’d want to know what was wrong. And he couldn’t tell him. “Xiah, what do you think about homosexuals?” he asked, trying to keep his voice steady.
“Homosexuals? But what does that have to do with my question?” Micky frowned and closed his eyes, trying to keep himself calm. He couldn’t break down. “Micky?”
“Just… answer the question. Please.”
There was a pause that seemed to last for years as Micky waited for the answer. “Homosexuals..” Xiah paused, his voice soft and thoughtful. “As people? They’re wonderful people. I have nothing against them. In fact I’ve been friends with a few of them. But..” Micky’s breath caught in his throat; there was always a ‘but.’ “But that doesn’t stop them from being sinners.”
“They’re sinners?” he repeated. He knew full well that the Bible called them sinners. That Christianity did not support homosexuals.
“Yes, Micky. God doesn’t support homosexuals. Homosexuality is a sin. But that doesn’t stop them from being wonderful people.” There was another pause. “Was that what you were asking?” Micky couldn’t speak. There was a huge lump in his throat and tears were stinging his eyes. He could feel his world crumbling in front of him. All he could do was nod. “Okay, so to answer my question,” a pause, “why were you drinking alone?”
He took a deep breath, trying to dry away the unshed tears and loosen the knot in his throat. “I wasn’t.” A lie. The first lie he had ever told Xiah. “I would like to be alone for a little while. I need to finish my song.” There was an uncomfortable silence in the pause between his words and the sound of the door clicking behind Xiah as he left.
Once he was certain he was alone, Micky let his knees give out from underneath him as he collapsed onto the floor, tears coming out of him in waves. Curled up on the floor in a fetal position, he cried his eyes dry, his stomach spinning so fast he was sure he would throw up. He needed a drink; and a cigarette. Standing blindly, he stumbled to the fridge and grabbed the last three beers before uncovering his hidden pack of cigarettes, taking one lovingly out of the mostly full pack. Placing it between his lips, he lifted the lighter with his shaky hands and lit it, tears still streaming down his cheeks. He was a sinner. Xiah said so.
..
The sun was setting when a knock came at his door. But he didn’t move from his spot on his bed, an empty pack of cigarettes thrown on the floor and two empty beer bottles next to it, his hand loosely grasping the remaining one. He had long ago stopped crying, his heart shattered and his gaze almost lifeless. His eyes moved to glance at the pocket knife he had sitting on his bedside table, one hand lifting itself dreadfully slowly to grab hold of the blade.
Cold metal pressed against his skin as he slowly dragged it across the delicate outer organ, feeling it slice through easily. He didn’t press down hard enough to cause serious injury, just enough to feel warm blood running down his cold skin. Another knock. He ignored it again, dropping the bloodied knife to the floor after a second cut, making an x shape along his wrist.
“Micky? Are you okay?” It was Yunho’s voice. Micky closed his eyes, trying to block it out. Taking another long gulp from the beer can, he rested with his back facing the door. “If you want to join us.. we’re having a round of video games, okay?” He heard Yunho walk back down the hall as he drank the rest of his last beer, sighing disappointedly as he dropped it next to the others, holding his head in his hands as he willed himself to sleep.
Just as he slipped out of consciousness, his door was opened and Xiah stood in the room. His eyes took in the sight, widening and filling with tears as he saw the pack of cigarettes and the beer cans. Stepping slowly closer he felt himself filling with rage. “You were drinking alone. You liar.” Xiah’s voice shook as he approached the bed, noticing a strange stain on Micky’s sheets.
He reached out a finger to touch the sheet curiously, noticing it was still warm and wet. His eyes slowly, disbelievingly, moved to find the bloodied x mark on Micky’s wrist, his heart jumping up into his throat. It took all he had not to scream.
“Why?” he asked, his body suddenly feeling tingly and cold. “You’re always so happy, Micky.. why did you do this?”
‘Xiah, what do you think about homosexuals?’ The question echoed in his mind as the tears began to pour down his own cheeks. He slid to his knees and reached out one hand to touch the wound gently. The blood was sticky on his fingers, meaning it was healing. He leaned over Micky’s sleeping face, bringing his face close to the others, hoping to feel breath on his skin.
As his face got closer, he felt his pulse quicken, their lips centimeters from each other. Shocked, Xiah pulled away, relieved that he had felt him breathing. His face red, Xiah backed out of the room, his eyes never leaving the blood on his own fingers.
“I’m sorry Micky…”
..
Micky woke up the next morning with a pounding headache and an aching wrist. He looked at the self-inflicted wound in momentary disbelief. Reaching out and running a finger down the x pattern he frowned. He had done it again. The cuts stung underneath the touch and he sat up, realizing he was still in his clothes. “Great…how am I going to clean this with out the other guys noticing?” he groaned, looking down at the mess on his floor as well. “Shit.”
He stood slowly and started to get dressed in fresh clothes, the aching in his head begging him for some Tylenol before he did anything. Sliding a wrist band over the wound, he hissed slightly at the friction. Then he sneaked out of his room, closing the door behind him, and wandered as casually as possible into the kitchen.
Xiah sat at the table, for once his hair was not styled and his clothes were messy, and he looked like he hadn’t slept at all the night before. He looked up at Micky with sad eyes. “Why didn’t you join us last night?” he asked softly, knowing he would get another lie from his band mate.
“I don’t feel very well..” Micky mumbled, reaching for the Tylenol and coffee, his two favorite friends. After taking as many as he could without it being considered an overdose, Micky drank down the rest of his coffee. “I think I’m going to go sleep some more, okay?” The look in Xiah’s eyes made Micky’s heart sink. He looked sad, almost heartbroken. “Maybe you should do the same, you look exhausted.”
The blonde nodded blankly. “You know we have an interview this afternoon, right?” His voice was bland and emotionless. Micky nodded, he had totally forgotten. “So try to be up in a few hours.” He nodded again and left the kitchen, returning to the sanctuary of his own room.
After stealthily disposing of the waste of a night he would rather forget, he moved silently to the bathroom. Making sure the door was locked, he turned on the sink and removed the wristband, feeling his nerves sting under the friction of the rough fabric. The warm water made his wrist throb even more and he bit his lip to stop himself from screaming. Once the sticky dry blood had been rinsed off he grabbed the disinfectant and poured a generous amount over the cuts, squinting in pain as it bubbled and cleaned out his very dirty wound. “Holy shit..” he hissed, holding onto the sink and trying his hardest not to scream again. Rinsing it again, he reached for the Neosporin and bandages. He knew he couldn’t scar. The fans would be sure to notice. Once the bandages were in place he gingerly slid the wristband back over top, placing all the cleaning equipment back in the cabinet before leaving the bathroom, no need to worry his friends.
He didn’t leave his room all day. That is, until JaeJoong came and got him for the interview. Forcing more smiles, telling more stupid jokes, and acting like everything was fine. But it wasn’t. But no need to let anyone know that. Especially in an interview. It seemed to last forever. All he wanted was to go back to his wonderful room and drink himself to sleep again. Which reminded him, he had to buy some more alcohol after he got back. Fuck.
Yunho went with him. Micky tried to think of other things to buy so that it wouldn’t seem like it was just an alcohol run. It was hard though. After buying some stupid pointless junk food and two six-packs (promising Yunho that they could drink together one night) they left the store and headed back home.
“Is anything on your mind, Micky?” he asked as Micky drove back to their apartment. “You’ve been really quiet and anti-social lately.”
Good old “big brother” Yunho. Micky sighed mentally as he kept his eyes focused on the road. “No not really. I just haven’t been feeling really well. I’m sure it’ll pass in the next few days.” He forced a smile as he turned to look at his friend. ‘Everything is fine. I don’t drink myself to sleep. I don’t smoke a whole pack of cigarettes in under three hours, and I did not cut myself. Everything is perfectly fine.’ Yunho nodded and turned on the radio.
“Whatever They Say” started to come from the speakers and Micky forced excitement. “Wow!! They’re playing our song again! We must be really popular, huh?” He grinned jokingly at Yunho, who played along with the little charade. After their ‘excitement’ died down, Micky was left to listen to the slow ballad and drive. He sang along quietly, tapping his fingers on the steering wheel to conduct himself.
They finally got back to the apartment and Micky made up the same excuse of not feeling well, finally returning to the sanctuary of his room. He put away the beer and slid the pack of cigarettes he had snuck into their hiding place. Then he decided to try and amuse himself while the beers got cold, stretching out on his bed with a pen in his hand and his notebook where he kept the over 100 songs he had written, all read and critiqued by Xiah.
“Another walk to burn off the fat that pushed you away
Another tear to cleanse the blemishes off this face that you hate
Another cut to drain this blood that wasn't sweet enough for you
How can my heart keep beating
When all it's good at is breaking?
Another tear in this skin that was too fair for you
Another scream in this voice you never heard
Another longing thought of you in this brain you never explored
How can my heart keep beating
When all it's good at is breaking?
I cannot move on (it's too much)
I cannot forget you (it's too much)
I cannot forgive myself (it's too much)
For pushing you away
Another gasp from this breath that revolted you
Another grasp from these fingers that couldn't hold you
Another sacreligion to this useless body that you threw away
How can my heart keep beating
When all it's good at is breaking?
It's breaking...I'm breaking.”
Tears formed in his eyes again and he tried to blink them away. He was tired of crying. He was tired of all of this. Closing his eyes, he sighed, setting the open notebook down on his bedside table as he tried to force the tears away.
Xiah’s sweet, innocent face greeted his thoughts. He smiled and Micky’s heart melted. ‘Xiah, what do you think of homosexuals?’ his own voice echoed in his head as he curled his knees up to his chest. There was a long silence as he waited for Xiah’s answer again. ‘They’re wonderful people.. but that doesn’t stop them from being sinners.’ The tears were coming back again.
“Sinners,” he whispered as he opened his eyes to stare at the wall.
Realizing the beer would be chilled by now, he stood and went to grab one, grabbing two on a second thought (as usual), and returned to his bed, curling up under the sheets as he took a long sip from the freshly opened can. ‘Sinners.. Sinners..’ Xiah’s voice repeated over and over inside his empty head as he looked down at the wristband covering his wrist.
“I can’t even ask you to be a sinner. I can’t taint you. You’re so innocent..and beautiful,” he whispered as he pulled the wristband off, checking under the bandages to see if he had kept bleeding. No, but it was juicing a little bit. He touched it with his fingers gently, closing his eyes against the stinging he knew was going to occur. “And I’m so ugly..and tainted. A sinner can never touch an angel..” He sighed and laid back with his head propped on a pillow.
..
A can and a half later, Micky lay silently sipping his beer and staring at the ceiling. The only light came from the moon outside his window, making strange patterns on his walls and ceiling. And then the doorknob turned and light from the hallway flooded his room. “I knew you were drinking alone.” Xiah’s voice was flat as Micky turned to look at him in shock.
“Xiah..?” Xiah’s eyes were filled with tears as he closed the door behind him and walked quietly across the floor. This wasn’t happening. Xiah wasn’t seeing this. There was no beer and no fresh cuts on his wrist.
Xiah was on his bed now, reaching his hand down to grasp Micky’s exposed wrist. “Why? Why did you do this?” His voice was steady but it held an anger Micky had never felt come from the smaller blonde. “And why are you drinking? And don’t think I don’t know about the cigarettes too!” Micky’s head was spinning as the blonde leaned over him.
He couldn’t speak. The only thing that came from him was a pitiful sob as the tears formed again. He couldn’t control them this time. They made trails down his cheeks as he looked up at the angel above him. The moonlight made his skin glow and almost gave him a halo around his beautiful face as he looked down on him with sad eyes. “Micky.. is it because of what I said?” he asked, reaching out to gently touch his face.
Micky could feel himself shaking, his lips quivering as he tried to keep control enough to stop a total breakdown. Xiah leaned down, his lips centimeters from his ear, their bodies pressing softly against each other. “Ask me again, Micky..” he whispered, his warm breath tickling Micky’s skin. He could feel the fear in Xiah’s tense body.
“What…” he had to pause and take control of the quivering in his voice. “What do you think about homosexuals?” His whole body was on fire, he could feel it reacting to the closeness of the other man. And then Xiah caught him off guard, his lips pressing softly against his. He could feel the wetness of tears going down Xiah’s cheeks as they froze, the moment seeming to last an eternity before Micky could kiss back, wrapping his arms around the other’s lithe form.
Xiah timidly pressed at his lips with his tongue, pleading him to open his mouth. Running his fingers through Micky’s brown locks, he pressed inside slowly, sensuously, making Micky’s whole body tense in pleasure, blood rushing through his veins down to his lower regions. His sudden forming erection made him push Xiah away gently, looking up at him out of breath.
“No.” Xiah’s expression turned from confused to hurt. “No I can’t do this. I can’t do this to you.” He could hear the quivering in his voice but he didn’t care. “I can’t corrupt you. You’re beautiful and innocent and-” Xiah kissed him again, with a force Micky didn’t know he had.
“You idiot!” Xiah’s eyes were teary now as he pulled away, looking at him desperately. “You think I haven’t thought of the consequences? I don’t care about them. I just.. I want..” He looked down and blushed, making Micky’s heart leap in his chest. There was no need for Xiah to finish. He brought his face close to Xiah’s and kissed him softly, feeling the weight of Xiah’s body pressing down on him as their kiss became more passionate.
His fingers wandered up and down Xiah’s back, searching every inch of his skin as he pressed the other man close to him, gasping slightly at the pleasure the friction of their bodies created. The blonde’s hands traveled up under Micky’s thin tank top, sliding smoothly over the toned flesh and moving the shirt up with them. Micky pulled his arms away to allow the fabric to be removed from his body, his heart pounding hard and fast as Xiah’s lips left his and began to travel down his neck. Down they continued to his collarbone, nibbling on the skin as the older man moaned softly, his hands clenching at his sheets as the sweat of pleasure began to break out on his skin.
“Xiah..” he whispered, his voice raspy from his lack of breath. The younger man’s tongue flicked out and licked around one sensitive nipple, biting down gently on the pert nub, making Micky cry out, his back arching in a mixture of pleasure and pain as Xiah pulled away, blowing softly on the wounded flesh. His gentle hands pushed Micky back onto the mattress, running up and down his sides sensuously as he continued to kiss down the rises and falls of Micky’s well-toned abs.
Micky moaned again, his fingers finding Xiah’s soft hair as he urged the man closer to his restrained and aching erection. Sweat glistened his skin as he gasped for breath. Xiah’s nimble fingers removed his now very tight pants and boxers, pausing at the sight of Micky’s obvious need. He looked up at Micky questionably, seeing his eyes half-lidded in lust. Micky had never looked so beautiful before.
The pause made Micky’s eyes clear slightly, looking down at the blonde between his legs. “Xiah.. if you don’t want to.. it’s okay,” he breathed, smiling slightly. But Xiah has a determined look in his eyes as his fingers teasingly made patterns on the insides of Micky’s thighs.
“You have to give it all up.” Micky looked at him in confusion. “The drinking, the cigarettes, and the..” Xiah took a shaky breath. “And the cutting.” The man underneath him frowned slightly. “I’ll give you everything I have if you give those up..” Now his eyes held a pleading Micky had never seen before. ‘Please, Micky.. please..’
He turned to look out the window, his eyes thoughtful. Xiah slid back up his body, turning his face back to look at him gently. “Xiah..” his voice caught slightly, pulling him close to him and closing his eyes. “As long as this isn’t a dream.. if this is reality.. then I won’t need any of it anymore..” Xiah sighed happily and wrapped his arms around him, reveling in the worshipping touches of Micky’s fingers on his skin. “Just tell me this isn’t a dream.. tell me that when I wake up tomorrow this will all be reality..”
Xiah giggled softly. “Why have you had fantasies like this before?” he asked, his voice turning slightly husky as he pressed his hips against Micky’s teasingly. Micky blushed and grinned goofily. “You dirty boy..” Xiah growled and kissed him again, his fingers teasing Micky’s skin as his shirt began to be removed. The fabric was pulled over his head and he continued the passionate kiss, their hips rubbing together as Micky’s hands cupped his buttocks, pushing their erections closer together.
Suddenly Xiah found himself being pressed into the fabric, Micky’s hips pressing down on his. He moaned softly as Micky nibbled gently on his earlobe, his hands making their way down his chest and abs, stopping at the top of his pants. Micky’s mouth pulled away as his hands worked at removing Xiah’s offending pants and boxers, his eyes locked on Xiah’s as he ran a hand along the warm erection, enjoying the sound of Xiah’s breath catching in his throat and the soft moans that began to come from him as his hand encircled the pulsing organ.
He slowly began to pump the organ, hearing Xiah’s moans growing louder and louder as he continued to move his hand. “Micky..” he moaned, sweat pressing his blonde hair to his forehead. “F.. faster.. please..” Micky obeyed and Xiah pressed his head back into the pillow, his hands curling into fists. “God…” He squeezed the tip and moved down to continue stroking, making Xiah moan louder still. “God.. Micky..”
His tongue timidly circled the tip as his hands continued to stroke the rest of the erection, tasting the saltiness of pre-cum on his tongue. Moaning softly himself, he took the rest of the younger man in his mouth, sucking softly on the hard flesh, his tongue circling around it as he pulled him in farther. Xiah cried out underneath him, his lower regions tensing in pleasure as he tugged gently on the ends of Micky’s hair, urging him forward. Micky opened his mouth wider, taking as much in as he could, gagging slightly at the invading organ before continuing to suck the warm flesh. His hands massaged Xiah’s lower stomach, feeling him tense more, his back arching slightly.
Not yet. Xiah couldn’t cum until he was deep inside of him. He had to get lost inside him. Micky pulled his mouth away, hearing Xiah whine at the removal. “Micky..” he whined, gasping for breath. The older man sat up and looked around. “Micky why did you.. stop..?”
“We need something for lube..” Micky breathed, feeling his own aching erection between his legs as he looked around his room desperately. Remembering something he had stashed away just in case, Micky stood uncomfortably and walked over to his desk, opening a drawer to find the ever useful box of condoms. Grabbing one out of the box, he moved back over to Xiah, kissing him softly, feeling Xiah’s arms lace loosely around his neck.
He slid the condom out of its plastic wrapping and slid it over his on-its-way-to-painful erection. Xiah’s body was quivering slightly in a mix of anticipation and fear as Micky slowly spread his legs apart, rubbing the insides of his thighs soothingly as he stuck one finger in his mouth to wet it before timidly pressing it up inside Xiah’s entrance. The blonde grimaced at the unwelcome pressure inside him as Micky made a pattern of tiny kisses all over his slim stomach, trying to distract him from any pain. His tongue dipped in Xiah’s navel, making him moan softly, resting back on the pillow to look up at the ceiling as he readied for the next finger. He gasped as Micky pressed the digit in, scissoring him open. Micky wiggled them around to make sure he was spread enough before aiming his erection at Xiah’s entrance.
Micky kissed the blonde gently as he pressed slowly inside of him, feeling him cry out softly in his mouth, his fingers tensing on Micky’s back. Once he was completely inside he paused, breaking off the kiss to look at Xiah worriedly. He was gasping underneath him, his eyes closed in a grimace. “Do you want me to stop?” he asked softly.
Xiah shook his head and smiled at him, bringing him closer for another kiss. “It’s not as bad now.” He shifted slightly and pressed up against the other man. Micky moaned softly, taking the invitation and beginning to thrust gently inside him. The tight warmth threatened to send him over the edge but he held back, searching for the spot that he knew would make Xiah scream. Deeper and deeper he pushed, nibbling up and down the area between Xiah’s earlobe and shoulder, his heart racing. And then he reached it, a loud, long moan came from the man beneath him that made him feel dizzy.
“More…I need more, Micky..” Xiah moaned, his fingers digging into the flesh of Micky’s back as he continued to thrust into him. Each thrust coming faster behind the other, as he ravaged Xiah’s body. Xiah moaned underneath him, matching each thrust with his own. “Nnh..”
Micky’s fingers clinched Xiah’s slim hips gently as he thrust harder and harder inside of him, the blonde moaning and clinching at the sheets. “Nnh.. harder..” his voice dripped with lust as he felt Micky move harder and faster inside of him. He moaned again, rolling his head from one side to the other as his body began to tense. The man on top was gasping for breath as he wrapped his hand around Xiah’s erection, pumping in time with his thrusts.
Both men’s bodies were tense and slicked with sweat as Xiah’s back arched, feeling his release on its way. “Micky.. I..” He moaned softly, pulling Micky closer to kiss him as softly as possible. “I love you..” There were tears in his eyes as he felt Micky press against his prostrate again, sending him over the edge. He cried out his release as stars burst in front of his eyelids, relaxing his limp body against the mattress as Micky thrust one more time before releasing inside of him.
Xiah played with the other man’s sweaty strands as he collapsed on his chest, gasping for breath, his whole body still shaking. “I love you too..” he whispered, resting his head on Xiah’s warm skin, feeling his heartbeat underneath. Tears of happiness came to his eyes. “I can’t believe that.. that this is real.. that I really have you..” He wrapped his arms around Xiah possessively, kissing his neck gently before resting his head again.
“You do.. and you’ll always have me.” Micky closed his eyes and smiled, not worrying about possibly waking up to a harsh reality the next morning. There was nothing but him and Xiah. Forever.
Anyway.. here's an older fanfic of mine. It's the most recent finished one I have.
Title: Scars
Pairing: YooSoo
Rating: NC-17
Style: Chapter Fic
Genre: Yaoi/Angst
Author: Shinyasangel
He was thinking about him again. He seemed to be doing that a lot lately. Running his fingers through his tousled brown hair, Micky Park sighed and rolled over on his side to look at the window. There was no way he could sleep right now. He knew that the second he closed his eyes he’d picture him again. The soft blonde hair, the sweetly innocent brown eyes, the adorable smile. He groaned as the image formed almost reflection-like in the window.
“God…get out of my head,” he groaned out, grimacing as the memories of the sweet younger blonde came flooding back into his consciousness. Every turn of his head, every slight scent of his shampoo as he hugged him in greeting, every feel of contact as their bodies touched, every slight change in pitch as he spoke or sang.
He let out a noise of frustration and rolled over onto his back, looking up at the very blank ceiling above him, trying to control his breathing and calm down the racing of his heart. “I’m such…a pervert…” he whispered self-loathingly as he ran a hand down his face, trying to hold back the tears he knew would fall. “What the fuck is wrong with me?”
After laying there in silence for a little while, letting the shameful tears fall silently down his cheeks as he continued to stare blankly ahead, he sat up and rested his head in his hands. Yeah, no sleeping for him. Sighing for the millionth time that night he moved to sit on the edge of his bed, rubbing what little sleep there was in his eyes. Then he stood and moved to the mini-fridge he had on the other side of his room, opening it and taking out a can of beer. After pausing in mid-thought, he grabbed two more and walked slowly back over to his bed. Opening a can he took a long drink, smiling at the feel of the cool liquid sliding down the back of his throat. He wouldn’t admit it, but this had become an almost nightly ritual, seeing as it was the only way he could get the blonde out of his head.
He had drank almost two full cans before he started to feel the lightheadedness, making him smile in relief. There was the feeling he had been searching for. Then reality kicked in. What the fuck was he doing? Drinking away his problems? He looked at the can in his hand blankly, before he threw it to the floor in frustration. “I’m so damn weak!” he cried out to know what but himself as the tears started to fall again, this time harder, his whole body shaking as he curled up on his bed.
The tears wracked his body for a long time, until eventually his eyes ran dry and he lay there on a soaked pillow, gasping for breath. Slowly closing his eyes against his now pounding headache, he let himself drift off to a troubled sleep.
..
“Micky oppa!” Changmin greeted with a happy smile on his face as Micky plodded into the kitchen they all shared in his boxers and socks only. He smiled gingerly, squinting against the bright light. “You’re up late again today. Jae already fixed breakfast.. though I guess you could heat some up.”
“I’m not hungry.”
He sat down at the table and held his head in his hands, trying to ignore the pounding that was a result of the drinking and crying fest of last night. ‘Please don’t let him come in here…please…’ But of course fate didn’t seem to be on his side as the younger man came in, obviously having been awake much longer than him. He was dressed as well as ever and his hair was perfectly styled. Micky couldn’t even look at him.
“Good afternoon, Micky, looks like you finally woke up,” he joked, walking over to hug him good morning. Micky mentally cringed as he felt his heart leap for joy as he hugged him, reveling in the feel of his clothes on his skin, his warmth warming him. “Stay up late writing a song or something?” Micky looked up into his eyes and felt his whole body tingle.
“Something like that…” he almost whispered, standing to get some coffee. He needed to wake up and loose his headache if he was to act like nothing was wrong. Taking a sip of the warm liquid, he felt himself come to his senses quickly.
The blonde smiled brightly. “I get to read it when you’re done, right?” he asked happily. He always wanted to read his songs. Micky nodded and took another sip of his coughing, grimacing when he realized he was drinking it sans-cream and sugar.
“XIAH!!! GET YOUR GIRLY CRAP OUT OF THE BATHROOM NOW!” Yunho yelled as he came barreling into the kitchen, making Micky’s head pound even worse. “Oh, good afternoon, Micky~” Micky nodded a hello, grabbing the extra strength Tylenol out of the cabinet, realizing it would take more than coffee to relieve his headache in this house. The older man then turned back to Xiah with a frown on his face. “Seriously, it’s like living with a girl. Your crap covers the whole sink!! At least go clean it up!”
Xiah bit his lip cutely and pouted, tears forming in his eyes. About the only member that moved to tears faster than Micky had to be him. Almost anything could make Xiah cry. It was adorable. Yunho sighed and placed his hands on his hips in frustration. “Don’t look at me like that. Just go clean it up.” Xiah nodded and slinked out of the room as Yunho moved to grab some food from the fridge.
Micky sipped his coffee in silence, after having downed 4 pills, and then left the kitchen to take a shower and get dressed. As he walked into the bathroom with his towel and miscellaneous shower supplies, he stopped to watch Xiah slowly cleaning everything off the sink counter. Was he really crying or did he have a cold? “Xiah…?” he asked softly.
The blonde jumped slightly and turned to look at him, a small smile on his face. “Sorry I’ll be out of here in a second,” he said softly, turning back to put more things under the sink. Micky couldn’t help but take the chance to let his eyes wander along Xiah’s profile. ‘God he’s so gorgeous.. he’s just beautiful.’ He sighed, and obviously louder than he had intended because he noticed Xiah looking at him. “Micky?” he asked with uncertainty. “Everything okay?”
He tried not to blush and nodded, looking down at the floor. Less than a minute later Xiah was walking past him, Micky taking in every scent he could before entering the now empty bathroom and closing the door behind him. Looking in the mirror he frowned, seeing the empty look in his eyes and the circles that were slowly starting to grow underneath them. As if he wasn’t hideous enough before. He shook his head and went to start the shower, waiting for the water to get warm as he stripped out of his boxers and socks. Stepping in he let the water run along his skin in individual trails, relaxing the muscles in his body and helping to relieve the still pounding headache.
After a long shower he got out and dried off, wrapping the towel around his waist as he walked over to the foggy mirror, wiping the condensation off with the back of his hand. Running a hand down his cheek he decided he could go without a shave and went on to brushing his teeth and coming his hair. The door opened and Micky jumped, almost loosing his towel, and turned to find JaeJoong standing there, his eyes wide. “Sorry.. I just need to use the bathroom.” Micky nodded and hurried with finishing his hair, deciding he would just let it dry on its own.
Getting dressed, he sat down on his bed and tried to think of a way to pass the day. Coming up with nothing he moved to the laptop that sat on his desk, turning it on and browsing their net café. All the praising phrases blurred in front of his eyes as he kept reading pointlessly. After a few minutes he exited the page, feeling that if he read the phrase “I love you Micky oppa! :D” one more time he might throw up his empty stomach.
“Micky?” Xiah’s sweet voice came from his door. He turned in his chair and forced a casual smile. “Are you busy?” Micky shook his head and Xiah came into his room, looking around and finding the thrown beer can from the night before. “Were you drinking?” The question was meant to be casual, but it held more weight than the surface value told. He could feel his heart sinking as he looked in the knowing eyes of his friend. “Why were you drinking? Alone?” That soft voice held something Micky feared, disappointment.
He knew he couldn’t lie. And before he could control it all the feelings he had last night came rushing back to the surface. Tears began to form in his eyes as he stood and physically turned away from Xiah. Xiah couldn’t see the tears. He’d want to know what was wrong. And he couldn’t tell him. “Xiah, what do you think about homosexuals?” he asked, trying to keep his voice steady.
“Homosexuals? But what does that have to do with my question?” Micky frowned and closed his eyes, trying to keep himself calm. He couldn’t break down. “Micky?”
“Just… answer the question. Please.”
There was a pause that seemed to last for years as Micky waited for the answer. “Homosexuals..” Xiah paused, his voice soft and thoughtful. “As people? They’re wonderful people. I have nothing against them. In fact I’ve been friends with a few of them. But..” Micky’s breath caught in his throat; there was always a ‘but.’ “But that doesn’t stop them from being sinners.”
“They’re sinners?” he repeated. He knew full well that the Bible called them sinners. That Christianity did not support homosexuals.
“Yes, Micky. God doesn’t support homosexuals. Homosexuality is a sin. But that doesn’t stop them from being wonderful people.” There was another pause. “Was that what you were asking?” Micky couldn’t speak. There was a huge lump in his throat and tears were stinging his eyes. He could feel his world crumbling in front of him. All he could do was nod. “Okay, so to answer my question,” a pause, “why were you drinking alone?”
He took a deep breath, trying to dry away the unshed tears and loosen the knot in his throat. “I wasn’t.” A lie. The first lie he had ever told Xiah. “I would like to be alone for a little while. I need to finish my song.” There was an uncomfortable silence in the pause between his words and the sound of the door clicking behind Xiah as he left.
Once he was certain he was alone, Micky let his knees give out from underneath him as he collapsed onto the floor, tears coming out of him in waves. Curled up on the floor in a fetal position, he cried his eyes dry, his stomach spinning so fast he was sure he would throw up. He needed a drink; and a cigarette. Standing blindly, he stumbled to the fridge and grabbed the last three beers before uncovering his hidden pack of cigarettes, taking one lovingly out of the mostly full pack. Placing it between his lips, he lifted the lighter with his shaky hands and lit it, tears still streaming down his cheeks. He was a sinner. Xiah said so.
..
The sun was setting when a knock came at his door. But he didn’t move from his spot on his bed, an empty pack of cigarettes thrown on the floor and two empty beer bottles next to it, his hand loosely grasping the remaining one. He had long ago stopped crying, his heart shattered and his gaze almost lifeless. His eyes moved to glance at the pocket knife he had sitting on his bedside table, one hand lifting itself dreadfully slowly to grab hold of the blade.
Cold metal pressed against his skin as he slowly dragged it across the delicate outer organ, feeling it slice through easily. He didn’t press down hard enough to cause serious injury, just enough to feel warm blood running down his cold skin. Another knock. He ignored it again, dropping the bloodied knife to the floor after a second cut, making an x shape along his wrist.
“Micky? Are you okay?” It was Yunho’s voice. Micky closed his eyes, trying to block it out. Taking another long gulp from the beer can, he rested with his back facing the door. “If you want to join us.. we’re having a round of video games, okay?” He heard Yunho walk back down the hall as he drank the rest of his last beer, sighing disappointedly as he dropped it next to the others, holding his head in his hands as he willed himself to sleep.
Just as he slipped out of consciousness, his door was opened and Xiah stood in the room. His eyes took in the sight, widening and filling with tears as he saw the pack of cigarettes and the beer cans. Stepping slowly closer he felt himself filling with rage. “You were drinking alone. You liar.” Xiah’s voice shook as he approached the bed, noticing a strange stain on Micky’s sheets.
He reached out a finger to touch the sheet curiously, noticing it was still warm and wet. His eyes slowly, disbelievingly, moved to find the bloodied x mark on Micky’s wrist, his heart jumping up into his throat. It took all he had not to scream.
“Why?” he asked, his body suddenly feeling tingly and cold. “You’re always so happy, Micky.. why did you do this?”
‘Xiah, what do you think about homosexuals?’ The question echoed in his mind as the tears began to pour down his own cheeks. He slid to his knees and reached out one hand to touch the wound gently. The blood was sticky on his fingers, meaning it was healing. He leaned over Micky’s sleeping face, bringing his face close to the others, hoping to feel breath on his skin.
As his face got closer, he felt his pulse quicken, their lips centimeters from each other. Shocked, Xiah pulled away, relieved that he had felt him breathing. His face red, Xiah backed out of the room, his eyes never leaving the blood on his own fingers.
“I’m sorry Micky…”
..
Micky woke up the next morning with a pounding headache and an aching wrist. He looked at the self-inflicted wound in momentary disbelief. Reaching out and running a finger down the x pattern he frowned. He had done it again. The cuts stung underneath the touch and he sat up, realizing he was still in his clothes. “Great…how am I going to clean this with out the other guys noticing?” he groaned, looking down at the mess on his floor as well. “Shit.”
He stood slowly and started to get dressed in fresh clothes, the aching in his head begging him for some Tylenol before he did anything. Sliding a wrist band over the wound, he hissed slightly at the friction. Then he sneaked out of his room, closing the door behind him, and wandered as casually as possible into the kitchen.
Xiah sat at the table, for once his hair was not styled and his clothes were messy, and he looked like he hadn’t slept at all the night before. He looked up at Micky with sad eyes. “Why didn’t you join us last night?” he asked softly, knowing he would get another lie from his band mate.
“I don’t feel very well..” Micky mumbled, reaching for the Tylenol and coffee, his two favorite friends. After taking as many as he could without it being considered an overdose, Micky drank down the rest of his coffee. “I think I’m going to go sleep some more, okay?” The look in Xiah’s eyes made Micky’s heart sink. He looked sad, almost heartbroken. “Maybe you should do the same, you look exhausted.”
The blonde nodded blankly. “You know we have an interview this afternoon, right?” His voice was bland and emotionless. Micky nodded, he had totally forgotten. “So try to be up in a few hours.” He nodded again and left the kitchen, returning to the sanctuary of his own room.
After stealthily disposing of the waste of a night he would rather forget, he moved silently to the bathroom. Making sure the door was locked, he turned on the sink and removed the wristband, feeling his nerves sting under the friction of the rough fabric. The warm water made his wrist throb even more and he bit his lip to stop himself from screaming. Once the sticky dry blood had been rinsed off he grabbed the disinfectant and poured a generous amount over the cuts, squinting in pain as it bubbled and cleaned out his very dirty wound. “Holy shit..” he hissed, holding onto the sink and trying his hardest not to scream again. Rinsing it again, he reached for the Neosporin and bandages. He knew he couldn’t scar. The fans would be sure to notice. Once the bandages were in place he gingerly slid the wristband back over top, placing all the cleaning equipment back in the cabinet before leaving the bathroom, no need to worry his friends.
He didn’t leave his room all day. That is, until JaeJoong came and got him for the interview. Forcing more smiles, telling more stupid jokes, and acting like everything was fine. But it wasn’t. But no need to let anyone know that. Especially in an interview. It seemed to last forever. All he wanted was to go back to his wonderful room and drink himself to sleep again. Which reminded him, he had to buy some more alcohol after he got back. Fuck.
Yunho went with him. Micky tried to think of other things to buy so that it wouldn’t seem like it was just an alcohol run. It was hard though. After buying some stupid pointless junk food and two six-packs (promising Yunho that they could drink together one night) they left the store and headed back home.
“Is anything on your mind, Micky?” he asked as Micky drove back to their apartment. “You’ve been really quiet and anti-social lately.”
Good old “big brother” Yunho. Micky sighed mentally as he kept his eyes focused on the road. “No not really. I just haven’t been feeling really well. I’m sure it’ll pass in the next few days.” He forced a smile as he turned to look at his friend. ‘Everything is fine. I don’t drink myself to sleep. I don’t smoke a whole pack of cigarettes in under three hours, and I did not cut myself. Everything is perfectly fine.’ Yunho nodded and turned on the radio.
“Whatever They Say” started to come from the speakers and Micky forced excitement. “Wow!! They’re playing our song again! We must be really popular, huh?” He grinned jokingly at Yunho, who played along with the little charade. After their ‘excitement’ died down, Micky was left to listen to the slow ballad and drive. He sang along quietly, tapping his fingers on the steering wheel to conduct himself.
They finally got back to the apartment and Micky made up the same excuse of not feeling well, finally returning to the sanctuary of his room. He put away the beer and slid the pack of cigarettes he had snuck into their hiding place. Then he decided to try and amuse himself while the beers got cold, stretching out on his bed with a pen in his hand and his notebook where he kept the over 100 songs he had written, all read and critiqued by Xiah.
“Another walk to burn off the fat that pushed you away
Another tear to cleanse the blemishes off this face that you hate
Another cut to drain this blood that wasn't sweet enough for you
How can my heart keep beating
When all it's good at is breaking?
Another tear in this skin that was too fair for you
Another scream in this voice you never heard
Another longing thought of you in this brain you never explored
How can my heart keep beating
When all it's good at is breaking?
I cannot move on (it's too much)
I cannot forget you (it's too much)
I cannot forgive myself (it's too much)
For pushing you away
Another gasp from this breath that revolted you
Another grasp from these fingers that couldn't hold you
Another sacreligion to this useless body that you threw away
How can my heart keep beating
When all it's good at is breaking?
It's breaking...I'm breaking.”
Tears formed in his eyes again and he tried to blink them away. He was tired of crying. He was tired of all of this. Closing his eyes, he sighed, setting the open notebook down on his bedside table as he tried to force the tears away.
Xiah’s sweet, innocent face greeted his thoughts. He smiled and Micky’s heart melted. ‘Xiah, what do you think of homosexuals?’ his own voice echoed in his head as he curled his knees up to his chest. There was a long silence as he waited for Xiah’s answer again. ‘They’re wonderful people.. but that doesn’t stop them from being sinners.’ The tears were coming back again.
“Sinners,” he whispered as he opened his eyes to stare at the wall.
Realizing the beer would be chilled by now, he stood and went to grab one, grabbing two on a second thought (as usual), and returned to his bed, curling up under the sheets as he took a long sip from the freshly opened can. ‘Sinners.. Sinners..’ Xiah’s voice repeated over and over inside his empty head as he looked down at the wristband covering his wrist.
“I can’t even ask you to be a sinner. I can’t taint you. You’re so innocent..and beautiful,” he whispered as he pulled the wristband off, checking under the bandages to see if he had kept bleeding. No, but it was juicing a little bit. He touched it with his fingers gently, closing his eyes against the stinging he knew was going to occur. “And I’m so ugly..and tainted. A sinner can never touch an angel..” He sighed and laid back with his head propped on a pillow.
..
A can and a half later, Micky lay silently sipping his beer and staring at the ceiling. The only light came from the moon outside his window, making strange patterns on his walls and ceiling. And then the doorknob turned and light from the hallway flooded his room. “I knew you were drinking alone.” Xiah’s voice was flat as Micky turned to look at him in shock.
“Xiah..?” Xiah’s eyes were filled with tears as he closed the door behind him and walked quietly across the floor. This wasn’t happening. Xiah wasn’t seeing this. There was no beer and no fresh cuts on his wrist.
Xiah was on his bed now, reaching his hand down to grasp Micky’s exposed wrist. “Why? Why did you do this?” His voice was steady but it held an anger Micky had never felt come from the smaller blonde. “And why are you drinking? And don’t think I don’t know about the cigarettes too!” Micky’s head was spinning as the blonde leaned over him.
He couldn’t speak. The only thing that came from him was a pitiful sob as the tears formed again. He couldn’t control them this time. They made trails down his cheeks as he looked up at the angel above him. The moonlight made his skin glow and almost gave him a halo around his beautiful face as he looked down on him with sad eyes. “Micky.. is it because of what I said?” he asked, reaching out to gently touch his face.
Micky could feel himself shaking, his lips quivering as he tried to keep control enough to stop a total breakdown. Xiah leaned down, his lips centimeters from his ear, their bodies pressing softly against each other. “Ask me again, Micky..” he whispered, his warm breath tickling Micky’s skin. He could feel the fear in Xiah’s tense body.
“What…” he had to pause and take control of the quivering in his voice. “What do you think about homosexuals?” His whole body was on fire, he could feel it reacting to the closeness of the other man. And then Xiah caught him off guard, his lips pressing softly against his. He could feel the wetness of tears going down Xiah’s cheeks as they froze, the moment seeming to last an eternity before Micky could kiss back, wrapping his arms around the other’s lithe form.
Xiah timidly pressed at his lips with his tongue, pleading him to open his mouth. Running his fingers through Micky’s brown locks, he pressed inside slowly, sensuously, making Micky’s whole body tense in pleasure, blood rushing through his veins down to his lower regions. His sudden forming erection made him push Xiah away gently, looking up at him out of breath.
“No.” Xiah’s expression turned from confused to hurt. “No I can’t do this. I can’t do this to you.” He could hear the quivering in his voice but he didn’t care. “I can’t corrupt you. You’re beautiful and innocent and-” Xiah kissed him again, with a force Micky didn’t know he had.
“You idiot!” Xiah’s eyes were teary now as he pulled away, looking at him desperately. “You think I haven’t thought of the consequences? I don’t care about them. I just.. I want..” He looked down and blushed, making Micky’s heart leap in his chest. There was no need for Xiah to finish. He brought his face close to Xiah’s and kissed him softly, feeling the weight of Xiah’s body pressing down on him as their kiss became more passionate.
His fingers wandered up and down Xiah’s back, searching every inch of his skin as he pressed the other man close to him, gasping slightly at the pleasure the friction of their bodies created. The blonde’s hands traveled up under Micky’s thin tank top, sliding smoothly over the toned flesh and moving the shirt up with them. Micky pulled his arms away to allow the fabric to be removed from his body, his heart pounding hard and fast as Xiah’s lips left his and began to travel down his neck. Down they continued to his collarbone, nibbling on the skin as the older man moaned softly, his hands clenching at his sheets as the sweat of pleasure began to break out on his skin.
“Xiah..” he whispered, his voice raspy from his lack of breath. The younger man’s tongue flicked out and licked around one sensitive nipple, biting down gently on the pert nub, making Micky cry out, his back arching in a mixture of pleasure and pain as Xiah pulled away, blowing softly on the wounded flesh. His gentle hands pushed Micky back onto the mattress, running up and down his sides sensuously as he continued to kiss down the rises and falls of Micky’s well-toned abs.
Micky moaned again, his fingers finding Xiah’s soft hair as he urged the man closer to his restrained and aching erection. Sweat glistened his skin as he gasped for breath. Xiah’s nimble fingers removed his now very tight pants and boxers, pausing at the sight of Micky’s obvious need. He looked up at Micky questionably, seeing his eyes half-lidded in lust. Micky had never looked so beautiful before.
The pause made Micky’s eyes clear slightly, looking down at the blonde between his legs. “Xiah.. if you don’t want to.. it’s okay,” he breathed, smiling slightly. But Xiah has a determined look in his eyes as his fingers teasingly made patterns on the insides of Micky’s thighs.
“You have to give it all up.” Micky looked at him in confusion. “The drinking, the cigarettes, and the..” Xiah took a shaky breath. “And the cutting.” The man underneath him frowned slightly. “I’ll give you everything I have if you give those up..” Now his eyes held a pleading Micky had never seen before. ‘Please, Micky.. please..’
He turned to look out the window, his eyes thoughtful. Xiah slid back up his body, turning his face back to look at him gently. “Xiah..” his voice caught slightly, pulling him close to him and closing his eyes. “As long as this isn’t a dream.. if this is reality.. then I won’t need any of it anymore..” Xiah sighed happily and wrapped his arms around him, reveling in the worshipping touches of Micky’s fingers on his skin. “Just tell me this isn’t a dream.. tell me that when I wake up tomorrow this will all be reality..”
Xiah giggled softly. “Why have you had fantasies like this before?” he asked, his voice turning slightly husky as he pressed his hips against Micky’s teasingly. Micky blushed and grinned goofily. “You dirty boy..” Xiah growled and kissed him again, his fingers teasing Micky’s skin as his shirt began to be removed. The fabric was pulled over his head and he continued the passionate kiss, their hips rubbing together as Micky’s hands cupped his buttocks, pushing their erections closer together.
Suddenly Xiah found himself being pressed into the fabric, Micky’s hips pressing down on his. He moaned softly as Micky nibbled gently on his earlobe, his hands making their way down his chest and abs, stopping at the top of his pants. Micky’s mouth pulled away as his hands worked at removing Xiah’s offending pants and boxers, his eyes locked on Xiah’s as he ran a hand along the warm erection, enjoying the sound of Xiah’s breath catching in his throat and the soft moans that began to come from him as his hand encircled the pulsing organ.
He slowly began to pump the organ, hearing Xiah’s moans growing louder and louder as he continued to move his hand. “Micky..” he moaned, sweat pressing his blonde hair to his forehead. “F.. faster.. please..” Micky obeyed and Xiah pressed his head back into the pillow, his hands curling into fists. “God…” He squeezed the tip and moved down to continue stroking, making Xiah moan louder still. “God.. Micky..”
His tongue timidly circled the tip as his hands continued to stroke the rest of the erection, tasting the saltiness of pre-cum on his tongue. Moaning softly himself, he took the rest of the younger man in his mouth, sucking softly on the hard flesh, his tongue circling around it as he pulled him in farther. Xiah cried out underneath him, his lower regions tensing in pleasure as he tugged gently on the ends of Micky’s hair, urging him forward. Micky opened his mouth wider, taking as much in as he could, gagging slightly at the invading organ before continuing to suck the warm flesh. His hands massaged Xiah’s lower stomach, feeling him tense more, his back arching slightly.
Not yet. Xiah couldn’t cum until he was deep inside of him. He had to get lost inside him. Micky pulled his mouth away, hearing Xiah whine at the removal. “Micky..” he whined, gasping for breath. The older man sat up and looked around. “Micky why did you.. stop..?”
“We need something for lube..” Micky breathed, feeling his own aching erection between his legs as he looked around his room desperately. Remembering something he had stashed away just in case, Micky stood uncomfortably and walked over to his desk, opening a drawer to find the ever useful box of condoms. Grabbing one out of the box, he moved back over to Xiah, kissing him softly, feeling Xiah’s arms lace loosely around his neck.
He slid the condom out of its plastic wrapping and slid it over his on-its-way-to-painful erection. Xiah’s body was quivering slightly in a mix of anticipation and fear as Micky slowly spread his legs apart, rubbing the insides of his thighs soothingly as he stuck one finger in his mouth to wet it before timidly pressing it up inside Xiah’s entrance. The blonde grimaced at the unwelcome pressure inside him as Micky made a pattern of tiny kisses all over his slim stomach, trying to distract him from any pain. His tongue dipped in Xiah’s navel, making him moan softly, resting back on the pillow to look up at the ceiling as he readied for the next finger. He gasped as Micky pressed the digit in, scissoring him open. Micky wiggled them around to make sure he was spread enough before aiming his erection at Xiah’s entrance.
Micky kissed the blonde gently as he pressed slowly inside of him, feeling him cry out softly in his mouth, his fingers tensing on Micky’s back. Once he was completely inside he paused, breaking off the kiss to look at Xiah worriedly. He was gasping underneath him, his eyes closed in a grimace. “Do you want me to stop?” he asked softly.
Xiah shook his head and smiled at him, bringing him closer for another kiss. “It’s not as bad now.” He shifted slightly and pressed up against the other man. Micky moaned softly, taking the invitation and beginning to thrust gently inside him. The tight warmth threatened to send him over the edge but he held back, searching for the spot that he knew would make Xiah scream. Deeper and deeper he pushed, nibbling up and down the area between Xiah’s earlobe and shoulder, his heart racing. And then he reached it, a loud, long moan came from the man beneath him that made him feel dizzy.
“More…I need more, Micky..” Xiah moaned, his fingers digging into the flesh of Micky’s back as he continued to thrust into him. Each thrust coming faster behind the other, as he ravaged Xiah’s body. Xiah moaned underneath him, matching each thrust with his own. “Nnh..”
Micky’s fingers clinched Xiah’s slim hips gently as he thrust harder and harder inside of him, the blonde moaning and clinching at the sheets. “Nnh.. harder..” his voice dripped with lust as he felt Micky move harder and faster inside of him. He moaned again, rolling his head from one side to the other as his body began to tense. The man on top was gasping for breath as he wrapped his hand around Xiah’s erection, pumping in time with his thrusts.
Both men’s bodies were tense and slicked with sweat as Xiah’s back arched, feeling his release on its way. “Micky.. I..” He moaned softly, pulling Micky closer to kiss him as softly as possible. “I love you..” There were tears in his eyes as he felt Micky press against his prostrate again, sending him over the edge. He cried out his release as stars burst in front of his eyelids, relaxing his limp body against the mattress as Micky thrust one more time before releasing inside of him.
Xiah played with the other man’s sweaty strands as he collapsed on his chest, gasping for breath, his whole body still shaking. “I love you too..” he whispered, resting his head on Xiah’s warm skin, feeling his heartbeat underneath. Tears of happiness came to his eyes. “I can’t believe that.. that this is real.. that I really have you..” He wrapped his arms around Xiah possessively, kissing his neck gently before resting his head again.
“You do.. and you’ll always have me.” Micky closed his eyes and smiled, not worrying about possibly waking up to a harsh reality the next morning. There was nothing but him and Xiah. Forever.