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[htothem]

Dear Future HM,

Next time you go to school, remember to bring pain medicine.

Love,
Past HM

In other news, I stop at least 3 times a day and think to myself, "I don't have nipples anymore." That's weird (the fact that I don't have nipples, not that I think about it).

Comments

[emavalexis]

Will you get reconstructive surgery once you're cleared (and by cleared I guess I mean cancer-free for a certain amount of time)? Or is it goodbye boobies forever?

Sorry for all the questions.

[htothem]

I had planned on getting reconstruction done after I finish my treatment. Because I'm getting radiation and don't have a lot of belly fat, I'm only a candidate for what's known as a "lat dorsi." That involves cutting out two of my back muscles and using them as hammocks for implants.

Right now, I'm really enjoying not having any boobs so much that I'm considering not having reconstruction at all. Besides the nipple thing, it's honestly pretty fantastic. I talked to my guy about it last night, and he's really wonderfully supportive. (He was all, "I think I'd rather have no boobs than have them cut into your back like that." Swoon!) I have another 30 weeks of chemo before I am even capable of having reconstruction, though, so I've got plenty of time to decide.

/epic response

[emavalexis]

Ahh, I see! And yeah, you've got yourself a good guy. :)

[richinlaughter]

At least you're not flashing those headlights when it's cold outside. Woot woot.

[htothem]

Trufax!

[amicablebitch]

i can see the beauty in not having them. i guess it depends what you had before as to how much you miss them (big vs small). they're one of my best features so i'd probably want mine back. although at their biggest they've certainly been a hindrance. and hey, i'll take no boobs over no cancer ANY day.

[amicablebitch]

and removing parts of your back is pretty freaky. i have belly fat, you can have mine.

[corporatebabe]

I am also stepping up with the willingness to donate belly fat. I'll even throw in 10 pounds of ass-fat to sweeten the deal.

[htothem]

I feel totally ripped off that I don't get a free tummy tuck or butt lift out of this.

[kellygreen]

How weird is the no-nipples thing? I think that's the part that's freaking me out the most, honestly...the barbie boob factor.

[htothem]

Hopefully this will make sense:

It's only weird conceptually. Only when I stop and think, "I no longer have nipples," does it become weird. Otherwise, I haven't noticed it once.

I haven't had reconstruction, though, so I just have a flat chest with two frankenstein scars. The thing is, it looks so swollen, that I kind of don't think of it as an end state yet. I know it will continue to look better, so I'm not really worrying about it.

It is really weird to not wear a bra, though. Because I've worn a bra every day for the last 20 years, when I leave the house, I feel naked. That's starting to abate a little bit, but at first it was really strange.