fic for ressie_noldo: half the perfect world (Regulus, hinted James/Sirius, PG-13)
Title: half the perfect world
Recipient: ressie_noldo
Rating: PG-13
Characters: Regulus, hinted James/Sirius
Summary: "And now put your hands together for the astounding, the mesmerising, the incredible Black brothers!" (AU)
Author's Notes: The request was Sirius and Regulus in an alternative setting, and so I thought long and hard about something that would be a little bit different. I hope this will live up to your expectations!
--
"And now ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, put your hands together for the astounding, the mesmerising, the incredible Black brothers!"
A deafening roar from the crowd nearly lifts the roof of the Big Top, and the spotlights flutter upwards, drawing all eyes to two figures balancing on towering poles. As everyone watches, the first leaps from the top of the tower, his body a graceful arc as the trapeze swoops across the void. Moments later the other boy jumps, and as their paths are about to converge the second boy lets go and catches the wrists of the first, and they continue the pendulous return of the arc together.
The spotlights spark dazzle off their costumes and they shimmer like fish, bodies supple and darting as they twist in the air. The crowd oohs and aahs while they spin and jump and flicker in and out of the spotlights, their limbs sure and graceful. They move in perfect harmony, like reflections of each other with their matching costumes and their jet black hair. It's impossible to tell them apart; they move too quickly, and even then in the glare of the spotlight there's little to distinguish one from the other.
"Pray, silence for the grand finale!" announces the Ringmaster, holding his hands up to hush the audience.
As every eye turns once more to focus on the sinuous shapes of the two boys, one leaps from the safety of his trapeze and the other one catches him by his ankles, dangling from his own trapeze by his knees. As they complete their arc the boy lets go, and his brother somersaults to stand on one of the towers once more, raising his arms high and then taking a bow. The other does the same, alighting neatly on top of the other pole and saluting his brother merrily. The crowd cheers wildly, the sound of applause almost drowning out the band as the Ringmaster tries to make himself heard to introduce the next act.
--
"Good show, boys," says the Ringmaster cheerfully, giving Sirius a friendly slap on the backside as he passes them. Sirius scowls at his back and yanks his jeans up over his costume.
"Pervert," he mutters under his breath, but Regulus knows he loves the attention really.
Regulus licks his lips and says nothing. He almost missed a hold earlier and he knows Sirius is angry; shaken-up. He can tell by the hard line of his shoulders, and the way he doesn't bother to flirt with Clarice the contortionist. Sirius ducks behind a stretch of canvas and tries to fumble with his costume, groaning in frustration when he realises he can't get it off. He rips open the buttons on his jeans and kicks them off again, before wrestling his costume off and dumping it on the floor. Regulus watches absently as Sirius bends over to grab his jeans and yank them on again, then fumbles angrily with a t-shirt.
"Are you coming or not?" snaps Sirius, shocking Regulus to attention. "I need to get out of here."
Shrugging, Regulus shakes his head. "Nah, I'm tired."
"Suit yourself."
They always sneak out together after shows; nobody is meant to but they always get away with it. Sirius is so charming he could get away with murder. Regulus watches him duck out of the tent and hurry away across the field towards the lights of the town. He probably hasn't got a penny on him, but Sirius never seems to have trouble finding something to entertain him, or if he's very lucky someone who'll buy him a drink. The girls swarm around him in droves, even more so when he tells them he's a circus performer.
Regulus has never understood that. It's not as if what they do is hugely exciting; they're just normal like everyone else, except they don't always go to school, and they're a lot better at juggling than most boys Regulus knows, and while other people have homes to go to they spend half the year living in a bloody caravan. But it's normal.
Groups of girls sometimes hang around after performances wanting their autographs, or just wanting a chance to flirt with Sirius, and Regulus can't blame him for wanting to get away. He slips away quietly while nobody's looking and darts back to the caravan they share. It's hot and stuffy inside and he opens all the little windows to let some air in, then strips out of his costume and sprawls out on the bed to listen to the faint strains of music and wait for Sirius to come home.
--
When Regulus wakes up it's dark out still, and he blinks vaguely as the mattress shifts underneath him.
"Sirius?"
"Shh, go back to sleep."
"What time is it?"
"About four," mumbles Sirius, pulling the covers over them and wrapping an arm around Regulus' waist.
"Did you just get in?"
Sirius laughs snuffily against the back of his neck. "If I don't get some sleep I'm going to drop you tonight. Right on Gerald's head."
Regulus giggles and thinks how satisfying it would feel to flatten the Ringmaster, but he's still uncomfortable about the fact that Sirius has been out all night without him. He's never been gone this long before.
--
Sirius can't stop yawning in rehearsal, and after the fifteenth time Gerald snaps and shouts at him to get outside. Regulus tries to catch Sirius' eye but he isn't paying attention, and so when nobody's looking he sneaks out behind him. At first he thinks Sirius must have gone back to the caravan because he can't see him anywhere, but then he catches sight of him ducking behind one of the tents and hurries to follow him.
But as Regulus creeps along the side of the tent, ducking the guy ropes, he hears a laugh he doesn't know, and then Sirius' laugh overlaps it, the sounds tangling together as if they belong that way. And suddenly Regulus feels horribly, sickeningly jealous. He's never felt like this when Sirius sneaks off with girls from the town and does all those things he's always boasting about afterwards; the first time he kissed one in Truro, the first time he got a hand up a girl's skirt in Glasgow, the first time he had sex in the public toilets in Southend. Regulus remembers it all; the low excited whispers in his ear as they curled together in bed afterwards; the thick shameful feeling of wanting to hear more and wishing it was him in Sirius' place. But it never felt like this.
"Come on," mutters Sirius, low and full of mischief, the way he talks to Regulus. "Let's go to the beach."
"We'll get chips first," says the other boy. "I'm starving."
Ducking his head round the side of the canvas, Regulus sees Sirius laugh and throw an arm around the boy's shoulder. He's tall, with messy dark hair and glasses, and they seem to fit together somehow. Regulus hates him.
--
Sirius disappears that night as soon as the performance is over. Regulus is changing when he sees Sirius sprint across the field, feet bare and only wearing a pair of cutoffs and a worn-thin t-shirt, and he tries to call to him but Sirius doesn't hear, or doesn't care, and Regulus goes to bed with the image of the moonlight on Sirius' black hair.
It's late when Sirius finally crawls into bed, and his legs are all scratchy with sand that gets in between the sheets and rubs against Regulus' skin. The smell of sex comes off him along with the salty rime of seawater that lingers in his hair and on his skin, and Regulus wants to ask who she was but somehow doesn't dare. Instead he lies awake, listening to Sirius' breathing evening out, and the trundle of a milk float.
--
They're both grey-faced with tiredness the next day, and Gerald gives them both a furious talking-to for sneaking off and staying out all night when they're not meant to. Regulus bites his tongue though he's desperate to point out that Sirius is the one sneaking out, not him. He waits for Sirius to turn on the charm, as inevitable as the sun rising every morning, but it doesn't come. Instead Sirius shrugs and mumbles an apology, and even Gerald looks shocked at the lack of complaint.
"Tonight I want you here," he says firmly. "In bed."
Sirius rolls his eyes and Regulus kicks him, earning himself a furious glare.
"I mean it, you two," snaps Gerald. "What if one of you breaks your neck? That's not going to earn me any money, now is it?"
"The cunt," mutters Sirius when Gerald is out of earshot. "Maybe I should break my neck. That would show him."
Regulus turns away from Sirius, folding his arms and swallowing hard. He knows Sirius doesn't mean it, but then he's so impulsive it almost wouldn't surprise Regulus if he injured himself just to spite Gerald.
"Attention seeker," he mumbles.
Sirius laughs, loud and thick, and Regulus hates that the new boy gets that laugh now. It's his laugh. Sirius ruffles his hair and grins at him. "You're just jealous because I'm prettier than you."
Regulus tosses his head, shaking Sirius off him. "Least I'm not a poof."
He'd only meant it as a joke, just a throwaway comment, but then he sees Sirius' face and feels sick. Sirius looks pale and disgusted and he stands there for a moment with his mouth half open, trying to find something to say.
"I'm going to town," he mumbles eventually, backing away from Regulus. "See you for the show."
Regulus nods dumbly as Sirius turns and walks quickly away, head down as he hurries off.
--
He follows them the next day. They take the long way into town and then saunter along the pier, hands shoved in their shorts pockets, talking and laughing like they've always been friends. The other boy - the interloper - mimes juggling, and Sirius laughs and slaps his hands away. But the boy catches one of Sirius' wrists and they struggle, still laughing as they shove one another playfully, weaving a drunkard's path back and forth across the boardwalk. Sirius stumbles, and the other boy catches him as they fall against the railings together, breathless with laughter.
Regulus glares at them. Sirius never loses his balance.
After they've reached the end of the pier and come back they go down to the beach, Regulus constantly ducking out of the way so as not to be seen. They're like children down on the front, chasing one another and rolling in the sand like dogs. Sirius tackles the stranger (James! shouts Sirius, his voice young and proud and full of glee) and they accidentally destroy an abandoned sandcastle. In retaliation James drags Sirius by his ankles down to the surf, and they splash around up to their knees in roiling foam and squelching sucking sand, kicking up great fountain sprays of water at one another.
By the time they've had enough they're drenched, salt drying their skin and ratty tendrils of hair falling in their eyes. Regulus ought to have tired of watching but he can't tear his eyes away from them, from their easy manner and the way they fall together like a pair of dice, so similar yet rarely landing in quite the same way. He sits a little way away where they won't notice him, and watches them stretch out on their backs, t-shirts spread out to dry, hair stiff and black like washed up seaweed.
--
Regulus is lying awake that night when Sirius returns. Sirius presses up against his back and hooks an arm around him. "Would you run away, if you could?" he whispers, mouth soft against Regulus' shoulder.
Regulus wriggles uncomfortably. He doesn't like this sort of conversation. "Don't be stupid, I haven't got anywhere to run to."
"It doesn't matter where you go!" says Sirius, his voice a mixture of exasperation and giddy promise. "We could go anywhere we wanted."
Ignoring him, Regulus closes his eyes and tries to shuffle further away. Warm fingers slide around his waist and Sirius snuggles close to him. "I'm going," he mutters. "I'm not staying here."
"You always say that."
"I mean it, Reg. I'm leaving."
"You won't."
Sighing, Sirius climbs over Regulus to lie on his other side, and his eyes catch the moonlight from the open window. "Come with me."
"I belong here."
"No you don't, you only think you do."
"It's the same thing."
Sirius' eyes harden, and Regulus opens his mouth to say something, to take it back, but Sirius has already turned away.
--
It's the last night before they take the circus on to Scotland. Sirius has been edgy all day, and it's the first time that Regulus has ever been scared to go on. He catches Sirius' shoulder before they run to take their places, while they're squeezed between sections of prop and canvas. Do it right, he whispers, and Sirius nods once, and flashes him a gorgeous slip of a grin before he darts out into the blinding spotlights.
The act is flawless. Every twist, every flip, every catch is perfect. Sirius flirts shamelessly with Clarice as they come off, and steals one of the clown's red noses as they dart past. Gerald congratulates them on their performance, and Sirius laughs and says, "Well we are stars."
They trip out of their costumes, wriggling excitedly into their clothes all ready to sneak out and into town one more time. Regulus takes his time, fumbling with laces, but when he looks up Sirius is still there waiting for him.
"Get a move on."
"Sorry," breathes Regulus, jumping to his feet. "I thought you'd have gone already."
Sirius grins and ruffles his hair. "Without my little brother?"
They traipse the bars along the front, and Sirius gets them into one place with a group of women on a hen party (anyone got a kiss for my little brother? It's his birthday you know), but they only stay long enough to scrounge a couple of drinks before Sirius pulls him outside again, one arm wrapped snugly around his waist. On the beach it's quiet, eerie in the moonlight. They throw pebbles into the waves. Regulus looks for Sirius' eyes in the dark, and they're all Sirius. There's nobody else there tonight.
--
Sirius isn't there when Regulus wakes up. It's still dark out. Witching hour.
There are murmured voices outside, and muffled laughter, and Regulus quickly pulls on a t-shirt and lunges for the door. Sirius is there with James, both pressed up against the side of the trailer with their heads bent in together. They look like lovers, the way they lean towards one another with shared secrets. Maybe that's what this is all about.
"Sirius?"
Sirius jerks round guiltily, and when he sees Regulus he looks about ready to cry. "Reg," he whispers, taking a half step towards him. "Why aren't you asleep?"
"Where are you going?" asks Regulus sleepily, ignoring Sirius' question.
"Oh, Reggie," murmurs Sirius, taking another step forward and wrapping his arms tightly around his brother. Regulus holds him back, not knowing what else to do.
"Are you leaving me?"
"You could come with me!"
Regulus shakes his head, and he can feel Sirius' damp cheek against his neck. "Don't go."
"I'll find you," mutters Sirius, rubbing a sleeve across his face as he pulls away. "I'm not giving up on you."
James puts a hand on Sirius' shoulder, and the way Sirius smiles at him makes Regulus sick inside. "You'd better go," he mumbles. "Before someone sees you."
"Goodbye kid," says James, offering Regulus his hand, a gesture that seems absurdly out of place in such a situation. Regulus takes it warily, and as he studies James' face in the moonlight he thinks how did you make him love you?
And then they're gone. Two messy heads and a shambling, shoving break across the fields with long limbs and laughter. Regulus sits on the steps of the trailer until the sun comes up, and wonders how you go on living as half a person. He thinks Sirius would be able to tell him.
--
Recipient: ressie_noldo
Rating: PG-13
Characters: Regulus, hinted James/Sirius
Summary: "And now put your hands together for the astounding, the mesmerising, the incredible Black brothers!" (AU)
Author's Notes: The request was Sirius and Regulus in an alternative setting, and so I thought long and hard about something that would be a little bit different. I hope this will live up to your expectations!
--
"And now ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, put your hands together for the astounding, the mesmerising, the incredible Black brothers!"
A deafening roar from the crowd nearly lifts the roof of the Big Top, and the spotlights flutter upwards, drawing all eyes to two figures balancing on towering poles. As everyone watches, the first leaps from the top of the tower, his body a graceful arc as the trapeze swoops across the void. Moments later the other boy jumps, and as their paths are about to converge the second boy lets go and catches the wrists of the first, and they continue the pendulous return of the arc together.
The spotlights spark dazzle off their costumes and they shimmer like fish, bodies supple and darting as they twist in the air. The crowd oohs and aahs while they spin and jump and flicker in and out of the spotlights, their limbs sure and graceful. They move in perfect harmony, like reflections of each other with their matching costumes and their jet black hair. It's impossible to tell them apart; they move too quickly, and even then in the glare of the spotlight there's little to distinguish one from the other.
"Pray, silence for the grand finale!" announces the Ringmaster, holding his hands up to hush the audience.
As every eye turns once more to focus on the sinuous shapes of the two boys, one leaps from the safety of his trapeze and the other one catches him by his ankles, dangling from his own trapeze by his knees. As they complete their arc the boy lets go, and his brother somersaults to stand on one of the towers once more, raising his arms high and then taking a bow. The other does the same, alighting neatly on top of the other pole and saluting his brother merrily. The crowd cheers wildly, the sound of applause almost drowning out the band as the Ringmaster tries to make himself heard to introduce the next act.
--
"Good show, boys," says the Ringmaster cheerfully, giving Sirius a friendly slap on the backside as he passes them. Sirius scowls at his back and yanks his jeans up over his costume.
"Pervert," he mutters under his breath, but Regulus knows he loves the attention really.
Regulus licks his lips and says nothing. He almost missed a hold earlier and he knows Sirius is angry; shaken-up. He can tell by the hard line of his shoulders, and the way he doesn't bother to flirt with Clarice the contortionist. Sirius ducks behind a stretch of canvas and tries to fumble with his costume, groaning in frustration when he realises he can't get it off. He rips open the buttons on his jeans and kicks them off again, before wrestling his costume off and dumping it on the floor. Regulus watches absently as Sirius bends over to grab his jeans and yank them on again, then fumbles angrily with a t-shirt.
"Are you coming or not?" snaps Sirius, shocking Regulus to attention. "I need to get out of here."
Shrugging, Regulus shakes his head. "Nah, I'm tired."
"Suit yourself."
They always sneak out together after shows; nobody is meant to but they always get away with it. Sirius is so charming he could get away with murder. Regulus watches him duck out of the tent and hurry away across the field towards the lights of the town. He probably hasn't got a penny on him, but Sirius never seems to have trouble finding something to entertain him, or if he's very lucky someone who'll buy him a drink. The girls swarm around him in droves, even more so when he tells them he's a circus performer.
Regulus has never understood that. It's not as if what they do is hugely exciting; they're just normal like everyone else, except they don't always go to school, and they're a lot better at juggling than most boys Regulus knows, and while other people have homes to go to they spend half the year living in a bloody caravan. But it's normal.
Groups of girls sometimes hang around after performances wanting their autographs, or just wanting a chance to flirt with Sirius, and Regulus can't blame him for wanting to get away. He slips away quietly while nobody's looking and darts back to the caravan they share. It's hot and stuffy inside and he opens all the little windows to let some air in, then strips out of his costume and sprawls out on the bed to listen to the faint strains of music and wait for Sirius to come home.
--
When Regulus wakes up it's dark out still, and he blinks vaguely as the mattress shifts underneath him.
"Sirius?"
"Shh, go back to sleep."
"What time is it?"
"About four," mumbles Sirius, pulling the covers over them and wrapping an arm around Regulus' waist.
"Did you just get in?"
Sirius laughs snuffily against the back of his neck. "If I don't get some sleep I'm going to drop you tonight. Right on Gerald's head."
Regulus giggles and thinks how satisfying it would feel to flatten the Ringmaster, but he's still uncomfortable about the fact that Sirius has been out all night without him. He's never been gone this long before.
--
Sirius can't stop yawning in rehearsal, and after the fifteenth time Gerald snaps and shouts at him to get outside. Regulus tries to catch Sirius' eye but he isn't paying attention, and so when nobody's looking he sneaks out behind him. At first he thinks Sirius must have gone back to the caravan because he can't see him anywhere, but then he catches sight of him ducking behind one of the tents and hurries to follow him.
But as Regulus creeps along the side of the tent, ducking the guy ropes, he hears a laugh he doesn't know, and then Sirius' laugh overlaps it, the sounds tangling together as if they belong that way. And suddenly Regulus feels horribly, sickeningly jealous. He's never felt like this when Sirius sneaks off with girls from the town and does all those things he's always boasting about afterwards; the first time he kissed one in Truro, the first time he got a hand up a girl's skirt in Glasgow, the first time he had sex in the public toilets in Southend. Regulus remembers it all; the low excited whispers in his ear as they curled together in bed afterwards; the thick shameful feeling of wanting to hear more and wishing it was him in Sirius' place. But it never felt like this.
"Come on," mutters Sirius, low and full of mischief, the way he talks to Regulus. "Let's go to the beach."
"We'll get chips first," says the other boy. "I'm starving."
Ducking his head round the side of the canvas, Regulus sees Sirius laugh and throw an arm around the boy's shoulder. He's tall, with messy dark hair and glasses, and they seem to fit together somehow. Regulus hates him.
--
Sirius disappears that night as soon as the performance is over. Regulus is changing when he sees Sirius sprint across the field, feet bare and only wearing a pair of cutoffs and a worn-thin t-shirt, and he tries to call to him but Sirius doesn't hear, or doesn't care, and Regulus goes to bed with the image of the moonlight on Sirius' black hair.
It's late when Sirius finally crawls into bed, and his legs are all scratchy with sand that gets in between the sheets and rubs against Regulus' skin. The smell of sex comes off him along with the salty rime of seawater that lingers in his hair and on his skin, and Regulus wants to ask who she was but somehow doesn't dare. Instead he lies awake, listening to Sirius' breathing evening out, and the trundle of a milk float.
--
They're both grey-faced with tiredness the next day, and Gerald gives them both a furious talking-to for sneaking off and staying out all night when they're not meant to. Regulus bites his tongue though he's desperate to point out that Sirius is the one sneaking out, not him. He waits for Sirius to turn on the charm, as inevitable as the sun rising every morning, but it doesn't come. Instead Sirius shrugs and mumbles an apology, and even Gerald looks shocked at the lack of complaint.
"Tonight I want you here," he says firmly. "In bed."
Sirius rolls his eyes and Regulus kicks him, earning himself a furious glare.
"I mean it, you two," snaps Gerald. "What if one of you breaks your neck? That's not going to earn me any money, now is it?"
"The cunt," mutters Sirius when Gerald is out of earshot. "Maybe I should break my neck. That would show him."
Regulus turns away from Sirius, folding his arms and swallowing hard. He knows Sirius doesn't mean it, but then he's so impulsive it almost wouldn't surprise Regulus if he injured himself just to spite Gerald.
"Attention seeker," he mumbles.
Sirius laughs, loud and thick, and Regulus hates that the new boy gets that laugh now. It's his laugh. Sirius ruffles his hair and grins at him. "You're just jealous because I'm prettier than you."
Regulus tosses his head, shaking Sirius off him. "Least I'm not a poof."
He'd only meant it as a joke, just a throwaway comment, but then he sees Sirius' face and feels sick. Sirius looks pale and disgusted and he stands there for a moment with his mouth half open, trying to find something to say.
"I'm going to town," he mumbles eventually, backing away from Regulus. "See you for the show."
Regulus nods dumbly as Sirius turns and walks quickly away, head down as he hurries off.
--
He follows them the next day. They take the long way into town and then saunter along the pier, hands shoved in their shorts pockets, talking and laughing like they've always been friends. The other boy - the interloper - mimes juggling, and Sirius laughs and slaps his hands away. But the boy catches one of Sirius' wrists and they struggle, still laughing as they shove one another playfully, weaving a drunkard's path back and forth across the boardwalk. Sirius stumbles, and the other boy catches him as they fall against the railings together, breathless with laughter.
Regulus glares at them. Sirius never loses his balance.
After they've reached the end of the pier and come back they go down to the beach, Regulus constantly ducking out of the way so as not to be seen. They're like children down on the front, chasing one another and rolling in the sand like dogs. Sirius tackles the stranger (James! shouts Sirius, his voice young and proud and full of glee) and they accidentally destroy an abandoned sandcastle. In retaliation James drags Sirius by his ankles down to the surf, and they splash around up to their knees in roiling foam and squelching sucking sand, kicking up great fountain sprays of water at one another.
By the time they've had enough they're drenched, salt drying their skin and ratty tendrils of hair falling in their eyes. Regulus ought to have tired of watching but he can't tear his eyes away from them, from their easy manner and the way they fall together like a pair of dice, so similar yet rarely landing in quite the same way. He sits a little way away where they won't notice him, and watches them stretch out on their backs, t-shirts spread out to dry, hair stiff and black like washed up seaweed.
--
Regulus is lying awake that night when Sirius returns. Sirius presses up against his back and hooks an arm around him. "Would you run away, if you could?" he whispers, mouth soft against Regulus' shoulder.
Regulus wriggles uncomfortably. He doesn't like this sort of conversation. "Don't be stupid, I haven't got anywhere to run to."
"It doesn't matter where you go!" says Sirius, his voice a mixture of exasperation and giddy promise. "We could go anywhere we wanted."
Ignoring him, Regulus closes his eyes and tries to shuffle further away. Warm fingers slide around his waist and Sirius snuggles close to him. "I'm going," he mutters. "I'm not staying here."
"You always say that."
"I mean it, Reg. I'm leaving."
"You won't."
Sighing, Sirius climbs over Regulus to lie on his other side, and his eyes catch the moonlight from the open window. "Come with me."
"I belong here."
"No you don't, you only think you do."
"It's the same thing."
Sirius' eyes harden, and Regulus opens his mouth to say something, to take it back, but Sirius has already turned away.
--
It's the last night before they take the circus on to Scotland. Sirius has been edgy all day, and it's the first time that Regulus has ever been scared to go on. He catches Sirius' shoulder before they run to take their places, while they're squeezed between sections of prop and canvas. Do it right, he whispers, and Sirius nods once, and flashes him a gorgeous slip of a grin before he darts out into the blinding spotlights.
The act is flawless. Every twist, every flip, every catch is perfect. Sirius flirts shamelessly with Clarice as they come off, and steals one of the clown's red noses as they dart past. Gerald congratulates them on their performance, and Sirius laughs and says, "Well we are stars."
They trip out of their costumes, wriggling excitedly into their clothes all ready to sneak out and into town one more time. Regulus takes his time, fumbling with laces, but when he looks up Sirius is still there waiting for him.
"Get a move on."
"Sorry," breathes Regulus, jumping to his feet. "I thought you'd have gone already."
Sirius grins and ruffles his hair. "Without my little brother?"
They traipse the bars along the front, and Sirius gets them into one place with a group of women on a hen party (anyone got a kiss for my little brother? It's his birthday you know), but they only stay long enough to scrounge a couple of drinks before Sirius pulls him outside again, one arm wrapped snugly around his waist. On the beach it's quiet, eerie in the moonlight. They throw pebbles into the waves. Regulus looks for Sirius' eyes in the dark, and they're all Sirius. There's nobody else there tonight.
--
Sirius isn't there when Regulus wakes up. It's still dark out. Witching hour.
There are murmured voices outside, and muffled laughter, and Regulus quickly pulls on a t-shirt and lunges for the door. Sirius is there with James, both pressed up against the side of the trailer with their heads bent in together. They look like lovers, the way they lean towards one another with shared secrets. Maybe that's what this is all about.
"Sirius?"
Sirius jerks round guiltily, and when he sees Regulus he looks about ready to cry. "Reg," he whispers, taking a half step towards him. "Why aren't you asleep?"
"Where are you going?" asks Regulus sleepily, ignoring Sirius' question.
"Oh, Reggie," murmurs Sirius, taking another step forward and wrapping his arms tightly around his brother. Regulus holds him back, not knowing what else to do.
"Are you leaving me?"
"You could come with me!"
Regulus shakes his head, and he can feel Sirius' damp cheek against his neck. "Don't go."
"I'll find you," mutters Sirius, rubbing a sleeve across his face as he pulls away. "I'm not giving up on you."
James puts a hand on Sirius' shoulder, and the way Sirius smiles at him makes Regulus sick inside. "You'd better go," he mumbles. "Before someone sees you."
"Goodbye kid," says James, offering Regulus his hand, a gesture that seems absurdly out of place in such a situation. Regulus takes it warily, and as he studies James' face in the moonlight he thinks how did you make him love you?
And then they're gone. Two messy heads and a shambling, shoving break across the fields with long limbs and laughter. Regulus sits on the steps of the trailer until the sun comes up, and wonders how you go on living as half a person. He thinks Sirius would be able to tell him.
--