Never Quite Good Enough [Lucius/Severus - PG-13]
Author: vix_spes
Title: Never Quite Good Enough
Prompt: #48 Submitted by: alley_skywalker
Pairing: Lucius/Severus with background Lucius/Narcissa
Rating: PG-13
Warnings:
Word Count: 4,016
Summary: Severus Snape hates the fact that when it comes to Lucius Malfoy, he’s never going to be quite good enough.
Notes: I have had to fiddle around with the ages for this in order for it to work. Their birthdates are now as follows.
Severus/Lily/The Marauders: c.1960
Narcissa: 1958
Lucius/The Lestrange brothers: 1957
Bellatrix: 1956
Regulus: c.1961
I don’t know if this was what people were expecting but this is what I ended up writing! I had intended to have a more explicit relationship between Lucius and Severus but that just isn’t how it turned out.
Never Quite Good Enough
1975
“Come on then Sev, what did you have to tell me? And why are we so far away from Hogsmeade? It’s freezing.”
“I needed to tell you something and I didn’t want anybody else around to hear what I’m going to say.”
“You’ve become even more paranoid since you joined Slytherin Sev and that’s saying something!” Lily’s emerald orbs sparkled as she teased her childhood friend but her smile faded as she noticed that Severus hadn’t even cracked a smile. “Okay Sev, what’s all of this about? You know that you can tell me anything.”
“I’m seeing somebody.”
Severus’ words were so faint that Lily had to strain to hear them and even then she needed to check that she hadn’t heard anything wrong. “I’m sorry, you’re seeing someone?” As Severus nodded, confirming what she had said, her face lit up. “That’s fantastic! I’m so happy for you, who is it?”
Severus grimaced. Oh she was happy for him now; she wasn’t going to be nearly as happy when he told her who he was actually seeing.
“It’s Lucius.”
“Lucius?”
He could literally see the cogs in her brain working before her mouth dropped open as she reached the only obvious conclusion.
“Hang on. Lucius, as in Lucius Malfoy? You’re dating Lucius Malfoy?”
“Yes.”
“Lucius Malfoy as in the Lucius Malfoy who is supposedly dating Narcissa Black, Sirius’ cousin?”
Severus nodded, letting his hair hang forward to cover his face. He didn’t want Lily to hate him; she was the only person other than his mother who had stuck with him for such a long time. He wasn’t convinced how well this was going to go down though; Lucius and his cronies, particularly the Lestrange brothers and the recently graduated Bellatrix Black, were Pureblood supremacists through and through who took great delight in humiliating Lily and other Muggle-borns simply for their own pleasure. He looked up again as Lily came to sit next to him, placing a hand on his shoulder. He was proud of himself as he didn’t flinch; it had taken him too long to get used to her touch so that he didn’t flinch every time she touched him.
“Sev, are you sure that this is a good idea? I mean, Sirius was saying the other night in the common room that his family are talking about formalising an engagement between Lucius and Narcissa. It would be perfect for both of them; a union between two Dark families.”
“Is that what you think Lily? That everything is black and white? That there are dark families and good families? Not everything is like that; there are too many shades of grey, it’s not that simple.”
His head had snapped up as he started talking and his eyes were flashing with a variety of emotions as he spoke. He hated this about her. As much as he loved her, everything was black and white with Lily; she was always so opinionated about everything. Admittedly, he also loved that she was so opinionated; she wasn’t some feeble-minded creature like so many of the girls in their year.
“What do you mean it’s not that simple?” Lily’s eyes were literally glowing with anger now. He hated it when they argued, but Lily had the notorious temper that went with her flame-red hair. “You know all about their families. They’re both notorious for their hatred of Muggles, their proximity and use of the Dark Arts plus the rumours that they’ve joined this maniac, this Voldemort. I worry about you Sev. I don’t want you involved with all of this.”
“Lily, you don’t have to worry about me. I’m not going to get involved with any of it.” He tentatively reached out and placed his hand gently on hers.
Lily shook her head furiously and shook of his hand, storming a few metres away from him. “You may say that and I know that you’re one of the strongest-willed people that I know but you can’t be dating Lucius Malfoy, friends with the people that he hangs around with and not get involved with it. It’s just not possible!” She turned back to look at him. “I just don’t see the attraction Sev. What is so great about Lucius Malfoy?”
“Look Sev, I love you and you’re my best friend but why is Lucius Malfoy dating you? He’s three years older than you and he’s dating Narcissa Malfoy; she has beauty, brains and money.”
Severus laughed bitterly. “And I have none of those but brains. Thanks Lily.”
“That’s not what I meant and you know it. I hate to say it Sev but with the rise of this supposed Dark Lord; Sirius once said you knew more curses and more about the Dark Arts than most of the upper classmen. Are you sure that it’s nothing to do with that?”
Severus shook his head. “Lily, please. I know that you can’t stand him and that you don’t like the people that I’m friends with but I’m happy. Please, can you just be happy for me and agree to disagree? I don’t want to lose your friendship over this.”
This earned him a faint smile and kiss on the cheek. “You’re not going to lose my friendship over this Sev. I may not like it but if you’re happy then I’m happy for you. I just hope that you know what you’re doing.”
~*~
1976
"I don't need help from filthy little Mudbloods like her!"
Severus had regretted the words as soon as he said them, particularly as he saw the devastation that crossed Lily’s face. He had been humiliated by James Potter and his cronies combined with the devastating earlier news that Lucius Malfoy had formally announced his engagement to Narcissa Black had caused him to lash out. However, with the words out in the open, he knew now that he couldn’t take them back. He had lost Lily. She had tried so hard to accept his relationship with Lucius over the last six months, even though she hated the idea of it, and he had just ruined their years of friendship. He saw her eyes fill with tears as he stormed off and hated himself. She was the only person who had ever liked him for who he was; the other Slytherins only liked him because of his abilities.
With Lily gone he had immersed himself more than ever in the friendships he was cultivating with Avery, Mulciber and Regulus Black. Despite all three of them being from prominent Pureblood families they were willing to overlook his own family pedigree due to his abilities with the Dark Arts and potions. These abilities within the Dark Arts were only enhanced by his proximity and relationship with Lucius Malfoy. His relationship with Lucius had continued despite the fact that Lucius had already graduated, consisting of illicit meetings in rooms at the Hog’s Head in Hogsmeade. This morning, along with the news of Lucius’ engagement, Severus had received a letter from Lucius informing him that despite the engagement and future marriage the relationship between Severus and Lucius wouldn’t be changing in its nature at all. Severus was simply going to be installed in Malfoy Manor upon his graduation as Lucius’ live-in-lover.
~*~
1979
Severus looked down at the deep black tattoo that marked the pale skin of his forearm; a deep black that matched the silk sheets that he was currently lying on. He felt a sense of pride in that he had been chosen by the Dark Lord to become one of his followers, one of his Inner Circle despite the fact that he was just nineteen. The Dark Lord himself had been following his career in potions and had become intrigued, particularly when other s among his followers had informed him that the Snape boy had had a thorough knowledge of the Dark Arts when he started at Hogwarts that had only grown.
He had been informed that most of the tasks he would be required to carry out would be potions based and for that he was grateful. He wasn’t completely convinced that he was ruthless enough to be able to do what he had heard some of the others such as Macnair did. However, his talents had quickly come to the attention of the Dark Lord, he assumed that Lucius was behind the leakage of this information, and even though he had only been initiated as one of the Dark Lord’s followers for a week he had already been accepted into the Inner Circle.
He felt a pang of regret as he realised that he had done precisely what he had promised Lily that he wouldn’t do. It hadn’t been easy to avoid, even for someone as strong-willed as he. He had lasted longer than any of his other peers; Regulus had been initiated by his overeager parents on his sixteenth birthday. In the end, it had been his relationship with Lucius and a desire for power and recognition among his peers that had led him to be initiated and become more closely affiliated with the followers of the Dark Lord. Add in the fact that Lucius was willing to fund his studies for his Potions Mastery and he couldn’t say no.
~*~
“I now pronounce you man and wife. You may kiss your bride Lord Malfoy.”
Polite applause rippled around the gathered guests as Lucius leant in and kissed his wife and the new Lady Malfoy on the lips. The members of the Black family looked particularly pleased with themselves at the union between the two families.
Severus watched from the back of the seated guests, trying to keep his face schooled in its look of polite enjoyment. He hated the fact that less than three hours it had been him in Lucius’ bed but now, Lucius was married to Narcissa Black and the relationship that he had with the older man was changed forever. Lucius was adamant that marriage wouldn’t change anything. He said that he had been in a relationship with Severus for the entire length of his relationship with Narcissa and that a piece of paper and changed name didn’t mean that their relationship would change. Severus knew differently though. It was simply a case of Lucius wanting everything; he wanted the marriage with Narcissa that would hopefully provide his heir and he wanted the relationship with Severus for who knows what reason.
Severus wasn’t under any delusions though. He knew that now Narcissa was the new Lady Malfoy she would put her foot down as much as Lucius would allow and curtail his time spent with Severus as much as possible. The former Narcissa Black, now Lady Narcissa Malfoy, had never liked the younger Slytherin. He wasn’t attractive, he spent too much time with his books, he was socially awkward, his closest friend for many years had been a Mudblood and possibly most importantly, he wasn’t a Pureblood. Add to that the fact that Lucius spent an inordinate amount of time with the younger Slytherin during Hogwarts and she was extremely jealous of their relationship, even if she wasn’t fully aware of all of the intricacies of it.
All of the attendees at Lucius’ bachelor party had assumed that when he had left earlier it was to bed one of the high-class whores that had been present at the party. They had similarly assumed that Severus had disappeared to tend to one of the many potions that he often had on the go. None of them had guessed that the two of them had been back at Malfoy Manor, Severus being screwed into the mattress of the master bedroom. Similarly, the night before the wedding and well into the day of the wedding itself, Severus had been splayed over the black silk sheets with Lucius hovering over him, seemingly not giving a damn that he was to be wedded in a union of two of the most prominent wizarding families later the same day.
Slipping away from the event, Severus was safe in the knowledge that for the next two weeks he could rest in the relative solitude of his small home in Spinner’s End and take comfort in his potions. He only had two weeks though. Lucius had already made it perfectly clear that as soon as the honeymoon was over, Severus was expected back at Malfoy Manor and back in Lucius’ bed.
~*~
"The one with the power to vanquish the Dark Lord approaches ... Born to those who have thrice defied him, born as the seventh month dies ... And the Dark Lord will mark him as his equal, but he will have power the Dark Lord knows not ...”
Severus turned the words over in his head as he hurried away from the Hog’s Head, completely disregarding the fact that he hadn’t had his own interview. He had to tell the Dark Lord about this; hopefully it would gain him some favour both with the Dark Lord himself and with his lover. His relationship with Lucius had been gradually deteriorating as Lucius became more and more swept up in Voldemort’s campaign and as he became increasingly focused with the fact that Narcissa expecting the next Malfoy heir.
He and Lucius had resumed their relationship following Lucius’ return from the honeymoon as if the wedding had never taken place. With Lucius having been Severus’ sponsor, there were no questions asked about his continual presence at Malfoy Manor, particularly seeing as both young men had rapidly been included within the Dark Lord’s inner circle. It was obvious that Narcissa knew that something was going on; she may have had the looks of a typical dumb blonde but Narcissa was a Black through and through. She knew exactly what was going on. However, as much as she hated the fact that her husband had a bit on the side she knew that Severus was no threat to her. She had one thing that he could never give to Lucius; he couldn’t give him an heir. Regardless of the fact that she and Lucius didn’t share a room, a fact that was impossible seeing as Severus was a permanent resident in the master bedroom, they would be forever tied once they had a child.
~*~
1980
The cries that rang around the Manor said it all. Narcissa had given birth to a son; to the next scion of the Malfoy family; Draco Lucius Malfoy. Severus knew that this was the beginning of the end of his relationship with Lucius. Five years after it had begun it was going to have to be Severus who walked away otherwise he was going to be forever trapped in this relationship. Lucius was never going to divorce Narcissa, not after she had just given him his heir, but he was equally unwilling to get rid of the warm and willing body in his bed.
Indeed, six hours after his son had been born Severus was in Lucius’ bed, his clothes summarily stripped off him and being thoroughly mauled. He had no objections of course. As far as he was concerned, he was in love with the blond aristocrat and he was willing to take whatever he could get. However, he couldn’t help but wish that he had been able to fall in love with somebody who wasn’t already taken; first Lucius and then Lily. It was only later, after they were both satiated, that Lucius asked him to be his son’s godfather. He was never going to get away from this family; he was always going to be part of it but always on the fringes, in the shadows, never a true part of it.
However, knowing who he was, for the moment he was willing to take whatever he could get for as long as he could get it.
~*~
Severus’ heart was racing in his chest as the Dark Lord announced his decision to his inner circle. They had narrowed the possible families down to the Longbottom’s and the Potter’s and now Voldemort had decided that the family mentioned in the prophecy were the Potter’s. Despite everything that he had done, despite the fact that he and Lily had barely spoken since the disastrous day that they had finished their OWL’s and despite the fact that he was in a relationship with Lucius, there was a part of Severus that was still in love with Lily.
She had been his first friend. She had been the first person other than his mother to love him, to look past his social awkwardness and intense personality to befriend him. There was no way that he could let her be killed like this, like the Dark Lord would kill her. He needed to warn her somehow and the only way that he could do that was by betraying the man who was his Master as well as the man who was his lover. However, he had gradually been losing Lucius for several months now and he was starting to wonder if Lucius had ever had the same feelings for him that he had had for the older man or if Lucius had just been interested in slaking his lust.
Later that night, after several rounds of sex, and with Lucius still lying next to him, Severus came to his decision. It wasn’t one that had been easy to make but it was the only one he could make and live with. He had to inform Dumbledore. No doubt he would have the contacts and the ability to contact the Potter’s wherever they were hiding and inform them that their lives were in danger. Moving slowly, he slipped from the bed, wincing as Lucius moved slightly and mumbled something before settling back down. He knew that should the aristocrat wake up he would simply assume that Severus had disappeared down to the potions lab in the basement, something that he had a habit of doing at peculiar hours of the day and night. With any luck, he could be gone and in the relative safety of Hogwarts before Lucius and the Dark Lord realised what was going on. His mind made up, he left everything that Lucius had purchased him and only paused to pick up his wand.
Time was of the essence.
~*~
1981
Severus’ heart sank as he heard the news that the Potter’s had been killed by the Dark Lord. He had hoped that they would be kept safe by going into hiding but something had obviously happened and the Dark Lord had found them. All across the Wizarding World witches and wizards were celebrating but Severus had the distinct feeling that things weren’t over yet. As he continued meticulously preparing the ingredients that he needed to make the potions he needed to complete, he couldn’t help but wonder to what extent his former lover had been involved in the planning of these latest deaths.
He and Lucius had never formally ended their relationship but Severus had walked away over a year ago. He was never going to be good enough and he was tired of being second best. Lucius had wanted the best of both worlds; he had wanted his marriage with Narcissa and his affair with Severus. He had no intention of making a decision; he was a Malfoy and what a Malfoy wanted, a Malfoy got.
Severus had only ever loved two people; Lily Potter and Lucius Malfoy, both of whom were too good for him. He had, at least, had a relationship with Lucius; Lily had never known that he existed other than as a friend and besides, he was never going to get close to her with James Potter hanging around her like a begging dog. Now, he had no one. The Dark Lord had successfully taken them both away, albeit in different ways. He had taken Lily by killing her, all because Severus had given him that damn Prophecy, and he had taken Lucius away by corrupting him, twisting him through the Dark Arts. Admittedly, Lucius had been far from perfect, none of the Slytherins that he had been to school with had, but Lucius’ close proximity to the Dark Lord following the death of Abraxas and his inclusion into the Dark Lord’s inner circle, along with Severus, had twisted him further.
He now resigned himself to the fact that he wouldn’t be leaving Hogwarts for the foreseeable future. He had accepted the post of Potions Master gratefully from Albus Dumbledore, partly in penance for what he had done whilst a Death Eater and also because he knew that after what he had done he had no chance of getting a job anywhere else. He knew that he had disappointed his former Headmaster and mentor but with Albus Dumbledore he didn’t have the feeling that he wasn’t good enough. Instead, the older wizard had given him the opportunity to be good enough, to make amends for everything that he had done.
It wasn’t going to be easy; he was Draco’s godfather and as Lucius was a prominent member of the Hogwarts’ Board of Governors he was still going to have to come into contact with him but he felt safe in the knowledge that he wasn’t going to let anybody make him feel like he was second best or not good enough. The easiest way to do that was to close himself off from everybody else, to not let anybody get close to him. He had done it before, before he met Lily. It wouldn’t be easy, particularly after everything that he’d been through but he was more than capable of doing it.
Because he was good enough.
Despite what his father had made him feel, what Lucius had made him feel and what he had felt as a result of betraying Lily. He was the youngest certified Potions Master in the United Kingdom and the youngest teacher to become a member of the faculty at Hogwarts. Albus Dumbledore felt that he was good enough and had given him the opportunity to prove it and he wasn’t going to fuck it up.
Placing a stasis spell on the potions that he was working on he reached out and picked up the robes that he had purchased to teach in. The black fabric was his armour and he was going to need it for what he was about to do. He had to attend his first full staff meeting that was being held in conjunction with the full board of governors. He was going to have to face Lucius across the table, in full view of his new colleagues, and keep his composure. He finished buttoning up the robes and mentally checked his Occlumency shields before he left his office, head held high and shoulders back.
It was time to start his newest role. He was no longer a Death Eater, Potions Master and Lucius Malfoy’s lover. He was a Death Eater, Potions Master, Hogwarts Professor and Spymaster for the Order of the Phoenix.
Title: Never Quite Good Enough
Prompt: #48 Submitted by: alley_skywalker
Pairing: Lucius/Severus with background Lucius/Narcissa
Rating: PG-13
Warnings:
Word Count: 4,016
Summary: Severus Snape hates the fact that when it comes to Lucius Malfoy, he’s never going to be quite good enough.
Notes: I have had to fiddle around with the ages for this in order for it to work. Their birthdates are now as follows.
Severus/Lily/The Marauders: c.1960
Narcissa: 1958
Lucius/The Lestrange brothers: 1957
Bellatrix: 1956
Regulus: c.1961
I don’t know if this was what people were expecting but this is what I ended up writing! I had intended to have a more explicit relationship between Lucius and Severus but that just isn’t how it turned out.
Never Quite Good Enough
1975
“Come on then Sev, what did you have to tell me? And why are we so far away from Hogsmeade? It’s freezing.”
“I needed to tell you something and I didn’t want anybody else around to hear what I’m going to say.”
“You’ve become even more paranoid since you joined Slytherin Sev and that’s saying something!” Lily’s emerald orbs sparkled as she teased her childhood friend but her smile faded as she noticed that Severus hadn’t even cracked a smile. “Okay Sev, what’s all of this about? You know that you can tell me anything.”
“I’m seeing somebody.”
Severus’ words were so faint that Lily had to strain to hear them and even then she needed to check that she hadn’t heard anything wrong. “I’m sorry, you’re seeing someone?” As Severus nodded, confirming what she had said, her face lit up. “That’s fantastic! I’m so happy for you, who is it?”
Severus grimaced. Oh she was happy for him now; she wasn’t going to be nearly as happy when he told her who he was actually seeing.
“It’s Lucius.”
“Lucius?”
He could literally see the cogs in her brain working before her mouth dropped open as she reached the only obvious conclusion.
“Hang on. Lucius, as in Lucius Malfoy? You’re dating Lucius Malfoy?”
“Yes.”
“Lucius Malfoy as in the Lucius Malfoy who is supposedly dating Narcissa Black, Sirius’ cousin?”
Severus nodded, letting his hair hang forward to cover his face. He didn’t want Lily to hate him; she was the only person other than his mother who had stuck with him for such a long time. He wasn’t convinced how well this was going to go down though; Lucius and his cronies, particularly the Lestrange brothers and the recently graduated Bellatrix Black, were Pureblood supremacists through and through who took great delight in humiliating Lily and other Muggle-borns simply for their own pleasure. He looked up again as Lily came to sit next to him, placing a hand on his shoulder. He was proud of himself as he didn’t flinch; it had taken him too long to get used to her touch so that he didn’t flinch every time she touched him.
“Sev, are you sure that this is a good idea? I mean, Sirius was saying the other night in the common room that his family are talking about formalising an engagement between Lucius and Narcissa. It would be perfect for both of them; a union between two Dark families.”
“Is that what you think Lily? That everything is black and white? That there are dark families and good families? Not everything is like that; there are too many shades of grey, it’s not that simple.”
His head had snapped up as he started talking and his eyes were flashing with a variety of emotions as he spoke. He hated this about her. As much as he loved her, everything was black and white with Lily; she was always so opinionated about everything. Admittedly, he also loved that she was so opinionated; she wasn’t some feeble-minded creature like so many of the girls in their year.
“What do you mean it’s not that simple?” Lily’s eyes were literally glowing with anger now. He hated it when they argued, but Lily had the notorious temper that went with her flame-red hair. “You know all about their families. They’re both notorious for their hatred of Muggles, their proximity and use of the Dark Arts plus the rumours that they’ve joined this maniac, this Voldemort. I worry about you Sev. I don’t want you involved with all of this.”
“Lily, you don’t have to worry about me. I’m not going to get involved with any of it.” He tentatively reached out and placed his hand gently on hers.
Lily shook her head furiously and shook of his hand, storming a few metres away from him. “You may say that and I know that you’re one of the strongest-willed people that I know but you can’t be dating Lucius Malfoy, friends with the people that he hangs around with and not get involved with it. It’s just not possible!” She turned back to look at him. “I just don’t see the attraction Sev. What is so great about Lucius Malfoy?”
“Look Sev, I love you and you’re my best friend but why is Lucius Malfoy dating you? He’s three years older than you and he’s dating Narcissa Malfoy; she has beauty, brains and money.”
Severus laughed bitterly. “And I have none of those but brains. Thanks Lily.”
“That’s not what I meant and you know it. I hate to say it Sev but with the rise of this supposed Dark Lord; Sirius once said you knew more curses and more about the Dark Arts than most of the upper classmen. Are you sure that it’s nothing to do with that?”
Severus shook his head. “Lily, please. I know that you can’t stand him and that you don’t like the people that I’m friends with but I’m happy. Please, can you just be happy for me and agree to disagree? I don’t want to lose your friendship over this.”
This earned him a faint smile and kiss on the cheek. “You’re not going to lose my friendship over this Sev. I may not like it but if you’re happy then I’m happy for you. I just hope that you know what you’re doing.”
~*~
1976
"I don't need help from filthy little Mudbloods like her!"
Severus had regretted the words as soon as he said them, particularly as he saw the devastation that crossed Lily’s face. He had been humiliated by James Potter and his cronies combined with the devastating earlier news that Lucius Malfoy had formally announced his engagement to Narcissa Black had caused him to lash out. However, with the words out in the open, he knew now that he couldn’t take them back. He had lost Lily. She had tried so hard to accept his relationship with Lucius over the last six months, even though she hated the idea of it, and he had just ruined their years of friendship. He saw her eyes fill with tears as he stormed off and hated himself. She was the only person who had ever liked him for who he was; the other Slytherins only liked him because of his abilities.
With Lily gone he had immersed himself more than ever in the friendships he was cultivating with Avery, Mulciber and Regulus Black. Despite all three of them being from prominent Pureblood families they were willing to overlook his own family pedigree due to his abilities with the Dark Arts and potions. These abilities within the Dark Arts were only enhanced by his proximity and relationship with Lucius Malfoy. His relationship with Lucius had continued despite the fact that Lucius had already graduated, consisting of illicit meetings in rooms at the Hog’s Head in Hogsmeade. This morning, along with the news of Lucius’ engagement, Severus had received a letter from Lucius informing him that despite the engagement and future marriage the relationship between Severus and Lucius wouldn’t be changing in its nature at all. Severus was simply going to be installed in Malfoy Manor upon his graduation as Lucius’ live-in-lover.
~*~
1979
Severus looked down at the deep black tattoo that marked the pale skin of his forearm; a deep black that matched the silk sheets that he was currently lying on. He felt a sense of pride in that he had been chosen by the Dark Lord to become one of his followers, one of his Inner Circle despite the fact that he was just nineteen. The Dark Lord himself had been following his career in potions and had become intrigued, particularly when other s among his followers had informed him that the Snape boy had had a thorough knowledge of the Dark Arts when he started at Hogwarts that had only grown.
He had been informed that most of the tasks he would be required to carry out would be potions based and for that he was grateful. He wasn’t completely convinced that he was ruthless enough to be able to do what he had heard some of the others such as Macnair did. However, his talents had quickly come to the attention of the Dark Lord, he assumed that Lucius was behind the leakage of this information, and even though he had only been initiated as one of the Dark Lord’s followers for a week he had already been accepted into the Inner Circle.
He felt a pang of regret as he realised that he had done precisely what he had promised Lily that he wouldn’t do. It hadn’t been easy to avoid, even for someone as strong-willed as he. He had lasted longer than any of his other peers; Regulus had been initiated by his overeager parents on his sixteenth birthday. In the end, it had been his relationship with Lucius and a desire for power and recognition among his peers that had led him to be initiated and become more closely affiliated with the followers of the Dark Lord. Add in the fact that Lucius was willing to fund his studies for his Potions Mastery and he couldn’t say no.
~*~
“I now pronounce you man and wife. You may kiss your bride Lord Malfoy.”
Polite applause rippled around the gathered guests as Lucius leant in and kissed his wife and the new Lady Malfoy on the lips. The members of the Black family looked particularly pleased with themselves at the union between the two families.
Severus watched from the back of the seated guests, trying to keep his face schooled in its look of polite enjoyment. He hated the fact that less than three hours it had been him in Lucius’ bed but now, Lucius was married to Narcissa Black and the relationship that he had with the older man was changed forever. Lucius was adamant that marriage wouldn’t change anything. He said that he had been in a relationship with Severus for the entire length of his relationship with Narcissa and that a piece of paper and changed name didn’t mean that their relationship would change. Severus knew differently though. It was simply a case of Lucius wanting everything; he wanted the marriage with Narcissa that would hopefully provide his heir and he wanted the relationship with Severus for who knows what reason.
Severus wasn’t under any delusions though. He knew that now Narcissa was the new Lady Malfoy she would put her foot down as much as Lucius would allow and curtail his time spent with Severus as much as possible. The former Narcissa Black, now Lady Narcissa Malfoy, had never liked the younger Slytherin. He wasn’t attractive, he spent too much time with his books, he was socially awkward, his closest friend for many years had been a Mudblood and possibly most importantly, he wasn’t a Pureblood. Add to that the fact that Lucius spent an inordinate amount of time with the younger Slytherin during Hogwarts and she was extremely jealous of their relationship, even if she wasn’t fully aware of all of the intricacies of it.
All of the attendees at Lucius’ bachelor party had assumed that when he had left earlier it was to bed one of the high-class whores that had been present at the party. They had similarly assumed that Severus had disappeared to tend to one of the many potions that he often had on the go. None of them had guessed that the two of them had been back at Malfoy Manor, Severus being screwed into the mattress of the master bedroom. Similarly, the night before the wedding and well into the day of the wedding itself, Severus had been splayed over the black silk sheets with Lucius hovering over him, seemingly not giving a damn that he was to be wedded in a union of two of the most prominent wizarding families later the same day.
Slipping away from the event, Severus was safe in the knowledge that for the next two weeks he could rest in the relative solitude of his small home in Spinner’s End and take comfort in his potions. He only had two weeks though. Lucius had already made it perfectly clear that as soon as the honeymoon was over, Severus was expected back at Malfoy Manor and back in Lucius’ bed.
~*~
"The one with the power to vanquish the Dark Lord approaches ... Born to those who have thrice defied him, born as the seventh month dies ... And the Dark Lord will mark him as his equal, but he will have power the Dark Lord knows not ...”
Severus turned the words over in his head as he hurried away from the Hog’s Head, completely disregarding the fact that he hadn’t had his own interview. He had to tell the Dark Lord about this; hopefully it would gain him some favour both with the Dark Lord himself and with his lover. His relationship with Lucius had been gradually deteriorating as Lucius became more and more swept up in Voldemort’s campaign and as he became increasingly focused with the fact that Narcissa expecting the next Malfoy heir.
He and Lucius had resumed their relationship following Lucius’ return from the honeymoon as if the wedding had never taken place. With Lucius having been Severus’ sponsor, there were no questions asked about his continual presence at Malfoy Manor, particularly seeing as both young men had rapidly been included within the Dark Lord’s inner circle. It was obvious that Narcissa knew that something was going on; she may have had the looks of a typical dumb blonde but Narcissa was a Black through and through. She knew exactly what was going on. However, as much as she hated the fact that her husband had a bit on the side she knew that Severus was no threat to her. She had one thing that he could never give to Lucius; he couldn’t give him an heir. Regardless of the fact that she and Lucius didn’t share a room, a fact that was impossible seeing as Severus was a permanent resident in the master bedroom, they would be forever tied once they had a child.
~*~
1980
The cries that rang around the Manor said it all. Narcissa had given birth to a son; to the next scion of the Malfoy family; Draco Lucius Malfoy. Severus knew that this was the beginning of the end of his relationship with Lucius. Five years after it had begun it was going to have to be Severus who walked away otherwise he was going to be forever trapped in this relationship. Lucius was never going to divorce Narcissa, not after she had just given him his heir, but he was equally unwilling to get rid of the warm and willing body in his bed.
Indeed, six hours after his son had been born Severus was in Lucius’ bed, his clothes summarily stripped off him and being thoroughly mauled. He had no objections of course. As far as he was concerned, he was in love with the blond aristocrat and he was willing to take whatever he could get. However, he couldn’t help but wish that he had been able to fall in love with somebody who wasn’t already taken; first Lucius and then Lily. It was only later, after they were both satiated, that Lucius asked him to be his son’s godfather. He was never going to get away from this family; he was always going to be part of it but always on the fringes, in the shadows, never a true part of it.
However, knowing who he was, for the moment he was willing to take whatever he could get for as long as he could get it.
~*~
Severus’ heart was racing in his chest as the Dark Lord announced his decision to his inner circle. They had narrowed the possible families down to the Longbottom’s and the Potter’s and now Voldemort had decided that the family mentioned in the prophecy were the Potter’s. Despite everything that he had done, despite the fact that he and Lily had barely spoken since the disastrous day that they had finished their OWL’s and despite the fact that he was in a relationship with Lucius, there was a part of Severus that was still in love with Lily.
She had been his first friend. She had been the first person other than his mother to love him, to look past his social awkwardness and intense personality to befriend him. There was no way that he could let her be killed like this, like the Dark Lord would kill her. He needed to warn her somehow and the only way that he could do that was by betraying the man who was his Master as well as the man who was his lover. However, he had gradually been losing Lucius for several months now and he was starting to wonder if Lucius had ever had the same feelings for him that he had had for the older man or if Lucius had just been interested in slaking his lust.
Later that night, after several rounds of sex, and with Lucius still lying next to him, Severus came to his decision. It wasn’t one that had been easy to make but it was the only one he could make and live with. He had to inform Dumbledore. No doubt he would have the contacts and the ability to contact the Potter’s wherever they were hiding and inform them that their lives were in danger. Moving slowly, he slipped from the bed, wincing as Lucius moved slightly and mumbled something before settling back down. He knew that should the aristocrat wake up he would simply assume that Severus had disappeared down to the potions lab in the basement, something that he had a habit of doing at peculiar hours of the day and night. With any luck, he could be gone and in the relative safety of Hogwarts before Lucius and the Dark Lord realised what was going on. His mind made up, he left everything that Lucius had purchased him and only paused to pick up his wand.
Time was of the essence.
~*~
1981
Severus’ heart sank as he heard the news that the Potter’s had been killed by the Dark Lord. He had hoped that they would be kept safe by going into hiding but something had obviously happened and the Dark Lord had found them. All across the Wizarding World witches and wizards were celebrating but Severus had the distinct feeling that things weren’t over yet. As he continued meticulously preparing the ingredients that he needed to make the potions he needed to complete, he couldn’t help but wonder to what extent his former lover had been involved in the planning of these latest deaths.
He and Lucius had never formally ended their relationship but Severus had walked away over a year ago. He was never going to be good enough and he was tired of being second best. Lucius had wanted the best of both worlds; he had wanted his marriage with Narcissa and his affair with Severus. He had no intention of making a decision; he was a Malfoy and what a Malfoy wanted, a Malfoy got.
Severus had only ever loved two people; Lily Potter and Lucius Malfoy, both of whom were too good for him. He had, at least, had a relationship with Lucius; Lily had never known that he existed other than as a friend and besides, he was never going to get close to her with James Potter hanging around her like a begging dog. Now, he had no one. The Dark Lord had successfully taken them both away, albeit in different ways. He had taken Lily by killing her, all because Severus had given him that damn Prophecy, and he had taken Lucius away by corrupting him, twisting him through the Dark Arts. Admittedly, Lucius had been far from perfect, none of the Slytherins that he had been to school with had, but Lucius’ close proximity to the Dark Lord following the death of Abraxas and his inclusion into the Dark Lord’s inner circle, along with Severus, had twisted him further.
He now resigned himself to the fact that he wouldn’t be leaving Hogwarts for the foreseeable future. He had accepted the post of Potions Master gratefully from Albus Dumbledore, partly in penance for what he had done whilst a Death Eater and also because he knew that after what he had done he had no chance of getting a job anywhere else. He knew that he had disappointed his former Headmaster and mentor but with Albus Dumbledore he didn’t have the feeling that he wasn’t good enough. Instead, the older wizard had given him the opportunity to be good enough, to make amends for everything that he had done.
It wasn’t going to be easy; he was Draco’s godfather and as Lucius was a prominent member of the Hogwarts’ Board of Governors he was still going to have to come into contact with him but he felt safe in the knowledge that he wasn’t going to let anybody make him feel like he was second best or not good enough. The easiest way to do that was to close himself off from everybody else, to not let anybody get close to him. He had done it before, before he met Lily. It wouldn’t be easy, particularly after everything that he’d been through but he was more than capable of doing it.
Because he was good enough.
Despite what his father had made him feel, what Lucius had made him feel and what he had felt as a result of betraying Lily. He was the youngest certified Potions Master in the United Kingdom and the youngest teacher to become a member of the faculty at Hogwarts. Albus Dumbledore felt that he was good enough and had given him the opportunity to prove it and he wasn’t going to fuck it up.
Placing a stasis spell on the potions that he was working on he reached out and picked up the robes that he had purchased to teach in. The black fabric was his armour and he was going to need it for what he was about to do. He had to attend his first full staff meeting that was being held in conjunction with the full board of governors. He was going to have to face Lucius across the table, in full view of his new colleagues, and keep his composure. He finished buttoning up the robes and mentally checked his Occlumency shields before he left his office, head held high and shoulders back.
It was time to start his newest role. He was no longer a Death Eater, Potions Master and Lucius Malfoy’s lover. He was a Death Eater, Potions Master, Hogwarts Professor and Spymaster for the Order of the Phoenix.