Fic: Shades of Betrayal (G)

[riverflame]

Title: Shades of Betrayal
Recipient: krislaughs
Notes: G, Remus/Sirius, plenty of plot, 2800 words. (Sorry for being so late!) Much thanks to bandbooktvworm for the beta :)

Comments

[riverflame]

Thank youuuu :D I'm glad you liked it!

[krisomniac]

Very cool! thank you!! :)

Hehhee. I'd almost forgotten the prompt, but you did a wonderful job turning it into a story, I loved the image of the shadows like tea leaves on the bed.

You don't pull any punches here, not afraid to tackle dark times. Without even drastically changing canon, you've subtely shifted the future. I'm so glad that Remus and Sirius come back together through this.

Are they going to take revenge on Peter? I wonder what happens next... Isn't AU fun? One of my favourite genres.

[riverflame]

I'm so glad it worked for you! :)

I like writing the dark times; I don't know why. (I'm glad they came back together too ^^)

AU is so hard! But I really do enjoy reading it. And I think maybe I'll write more in the future :D

thanks!

[lacylu42]

I liked the ending of this a lot, and you've got some lovely turns of phrase in there. I second Kris' appreciation of the tea leaves metaphore. =)

If I could make a suggestion, however, it would be that I almost feel like this needs a bit of fleshing out where the details don't mesh with what we know from canon. For instance, why did Remus know that Snape was a member of the Order when others did not? And why did Remus know that Peter was the secret keeper? It almost feels like he is the one telling Sirius that Peter is the secret keeper when, had this happened in canon, it would have been the other way around.

Just little things like that that wouldn't take more than a line or two of explication to clear up. Over all, it feels like a good beginning. I know that a story has promise when I'm left wanting more at the end. =D

[riverflame]

Thank you!

Thanks so much for the concrit; I felt that this piece really needed more time to sit before I posted it, but as it was I was already late and I didn't want to be any later. I might redo it this weekend - you've raised some very good points. I had planned to address the Secret Keeper bit (yet somehow missed in the actual writing, whoops ^^)

About the others not knowing about Snape being a member of the Order, I thought they had? At least, that was the impression I got. I wouldn't put it past myself to have forgotten something important, though.

I'm glad you liked it!

[cristiline]

*sob* Is it unusual that I was screaming at the computer screen while I read this? The worst part of this is that it's canon! Well, the part about Sirius thinking Remus was the spy, anyway. Actually, what's even worse than that is that this is happier than canon. Jo's got a cruel heart, doesn't she?

[riverflame]

The best thing about writing AU fic, for me, is making it as canon as possible while still making it AU :D

Awwww, yeah, she really does do awful things to her poor characters. but that lets us write happily-ever-after things for them :)

thanks for reading!