FIC: Let me Fall [Lorcan/Lysander - R]
Author: Anonymous
Title: Let me Fall
Characters/Pairings: Lorcan/Lysander
Rating: R?
Warnings: Mentions of incest, character death, eating disorder.
Word Count: 715
Prompt: #164. Lorcan/Lysander, Ron/Harry. Anorexia. (submitted by gala_apples
Notes: Thanks to R. for beta-ing.
There was little in the world that Lysander loved and hated more than his brother.
He loved Lorcan to unhealthy proportions, he knew that. He’d cursed himself for it at first, praying to be normal. He’d tried to look at girls, at other boys even, but he hadn’t been able to make himself care about any of them. He only loved his brother, and it had stopped bothering him so much since their lips had met for the first time. They had barely been teenagers, but they had been old enough to know what felt right, and wise enough to keep it a secret.
He hated Lorcan, because he had always been better at everything. Being identical twins, they both worked hard to stand out, to show the other one and the world that they were the smarter, the stronger, the better one. But Lysander knew he wasn’t, and couldn’t stand it.
What started as experimental lovemaking turned into violent sex, as Lysander would bite and scratch Lorcan while his brother pounded into him, trying to destroy that more perfect version of himself. Because that was what he saw Lorcan as. And Lorcan let him, out of fear that once Lysander would realize that it was really himself he hated, he would start to take it out on himself.
But in the end, it was inevitable that he would.
Lorcan patiently took care of Lysander as he starved himself to the bone, becoming a ghost of his former self. Lysander’s urge to destroy himself and his need to find something he was good at clashed and turned into a demon called anorexia. He liked the control, but by the time he realized the disease had taken all the control from him, he found he couldn’t stop.
He didn’t know whether to love or hate Lorcan as his twin tried everything in his power to stop Lysander from destroying himself. He dragged Lysander in front of mirrors, comparing their bodies, counting their ribs. He went through hours of arguments with him just to get him to eat a slice of apple. The worst thing was the proud look in Lorcan’s eyes after Lysander had finished eating something. Lorcan would kiss him right on the lips and tell him how much he loved him.
Lysander didn’t know how much his brother meant it until the day Lorcan announced that he wouldn’t eat until Lysander did. Lysander cried and kicked and screamed, not because he feared Lorcan would be thinner-it hadn’t been about that for a long time-but because he knew that this was Lorcan’s last, desperate attempt to get him to eat, and Lysander knew he would disappoint him.
Lysander hated himself more than ever as he watched Lorcan eat exactly the same as he did, and lose weight rapidly as a result. He couldn’t stand the look of disappointment in Lorcan’s eyes, because surely he’d thought that if Lorcan’s health depended on it, Lysander would make more of an effort. But it wasn’t about effort. Lysander tried, but couldn’t get the food past his lips. If anything, the guilt made him eat even less, punishing himself, but Lorcan at the same time.
The last time they made love was painful, bones clashing awkwardly. But it needed to be done, because the doctors had said that Lysander didn’t have much time left. It was a miracle he was still alive as it was. This time there were no teeth or nails breaking Lorcan’s skin. This time was a peace offering, an apology. A goodbye.
Lysander had never expected to be the one sitting at Lorcan’s death bed just weeks later. As it turned out, Lorcan was the one with a genetically weak heart. Even then he refused to eat, smiling weakly as Lysander touched his cold hand, saying he wouldn’t eat unless Lysander did.
It was then that Lysander realized it wasn’t just about curing him anymore. Lorcan had known it was hopeless for a long time. He’d simply been afraid to be left behind, without him.
Lysander hated Lorcan for leaving him. But he loved him enough to know that from that moment on, he would starve himself until he was reunited with his brother, in a place where their love would be accepted.
Title: Let me Fall
Characters/Pairings: Lorcan/Lysander
Rating: R?
Warnings: Mentions of incest, character death, eating disorder.
Word Count: 715
Prompt: #164. Lorcan/Lysander, Ron/Harry. Anorexia. (submitted by gala_apples
Notes: Thanks to R. for beta-ing.
There was little in the world that Lysander loved and hated more than his brother.
He loved Lorcan to unhealthy proportions, he knew that. He’d cursed himself for it at first, praying to be normal. He’d tried to look at girls, at other boys even, but he hadn’t been able to make himself care about any of them. He only loved his brother, and it had stopped bothering him so much since their lips had met for the first time. They had barely been teenagers, but they had been old enough to know what felt right, and wise enough to keep it a secret.
He hated Lorcan, because he had always been better at everything. Being identical twins, they both worked hard to stand out, to show the other one and the world that they were the smarter, the stronger, the better one. But Lysander knew he wasn’t, and couldn’t stand it.
What started as experimental lovemaking turned into violent sex, as Lysander would bite and scratch Lorcan while his brother pounded into him, trying to destroy that more perfect version of himself. Because that was what he saw Lorcan as. And Lorcan let him, out of fear that once Lysander would realize that it was really himself he hated, he would start to take it out on himself.
But in the end, it was inevitable that he would.
Lorcan patiently took care of Lysander as he starved himself to the bone, becoming a ghost of his former self. Lysander’s urge to destroy himself and his need to find something he was good at clashed and turned into a demon called anorexia. He liked the control, but by the time he realized the disease had taken all the control from him, he found he couldn’t stop.
He didn’t know whether to love or hate Lorcan as his twin tried everything in his power to stop Lysander from destroying himself. He dragged Lysander in front of mirrors, comparing their bodies, counting their ribs. He went through hours of arguments with him just to get him to eat a slice of apple. The worst thing was the proud look in Lorcan’s eyes after Lysander had finished eating something. Lorcan would kiss him right on the lips and tell him how much he loved him.
Lysander didn’t know how much his brother meant it until the day Lorcan announced that he wouldn’t eat until Lysander did. Lysander cried and kicked and screamed, not because he feared Lorcan would be thinner-it hadn’t been about that for a long time-but because he knew that this was Lorcan’s last, desperate attempt to get him to eat, and Lysander knew he would disappoint him.
Lysander hated himself more than ever as he watched Lorcan eat exactly the same as he did, and lose weight rapidly as a result. He couldn’t stand the look of disappointment in Lorcan’s eyes, because surely he’d thought that if Lorcan’s health depended on it, Lysander would make more of an effort. But it wasn’t about effort. Lysander tried, but couldn’t get the food past his lips. If anything, the guilt made him eat even less, punishing himself, but Lorcan at the same time.
The last time they made love was painful, bones clashing awkwardly. But it needed to be done, because the doctors had said that Lysander didn’t have much time left. It was a miracle he was still alive as it was. This time there were no teeth or nails breaking Lorcan’s skin. This time was a peace offering, an apology. A goodbye.
Lysander had never expected to be the one sitting at Lorcan’s death bed just weeks later. As it turned out, Lorcan was the one with a genetically weak heart. Even then he refused to eat, smiling weakly as Lysander touched his cold hand, saying he wouldn’t eat unless Lysander did.
It was then that Lysander realized it wasn’t just about curing him anymore. Lorcan had known it was hopeless for a long time. He’d simply been afraid to be left behind, without him.
Lysander hated Lorcan for leaving him. But he loved him enough to know that from that moment on, he would starve himself until he was reunited with his brother, in a place where their love would be accepted.