"Gone" (was "Goodbye")
Title: Gone
Author: Voxified
Pairing: House/Stacy
Rating: Teen
Warnings: If you don't like songfic, this isn't for you
Summary: No real plot yet, though it may go somewhere. Short-ish. Seven chapters, seven song inspirations. Third person narraration. House POV.
Disclaimer: If I owned them, Stacy would still be on the show snogging House's face off. They belong to David Shore and his minions, the cruel geniuses.
Notes: I'm a young writer with a fragile ego, but I like feedback good or bad. It's like crack Vicodin to me. It's not finished, and if it is finished, it will be slowly since school interferes with my life.
Chapters 1-6 can be found here: http://community.livejournal.com/housefic/463823.html
Stuck in a Moment You Can’t Get Out of
January 2006, an airport hotel in Baltimore. He could still taste the most bittersweet kiss of his life on his lips. Bitter because he had no control over it and he knew it probably wouldn’t lead them down any good road, sweet because of how good her lips tasted on his, how it felt to touch her again, to hold her; rediscover the sensation that was Stacy Jameson. Fuck, no, Stacy Warner. That’s what it is now. Just accept it. What will be will be. What will be should be and everyone else is a coward* for not facing the blunt, honest truth.
At least that’s what he tries to tell himself, the rule he tries to live by. Sometimes it doesn’t work so well though, especially when he’s got Wilson around to tell him to his face what his conscience is trying to say through the suppression of his ego. Wilson tells him he’s a coward, and he’s right. He tries to tell himself that it was some great sacrifice, an act of chivalry, that she’d be lonely with him; but he’s just a coward. He’s a coward too unwilling to change because he’s afraid of it, too afraid to be human.
"God, I really miss curry."
That was the moment he knew. He had been trying to get there for the five months before that moment. No, longer than that, much longer. Try the past five years. For the past five years he had wondered how she really felt about him. They had been in love, happier than both of them ever thought they could be. Even with the loneliness, the fights, the infarction, even when he pushed her away, said he was glad as she walked out the door, he didn’t understand it.
They were cynics, he took cynicism to an entirely new level, for him to fall in love was practically hypocrisy, but when they were together House felt he could be in love. He was still a bastard and she probably still felt lonely sometimes, he was bad at that thing, happiness. But he could be tender, loving and everything everyone else never thought he could be too. She let him, because she already expected it. She understood him. She could match him; a biting accusation thinly veiled as curiosity from him was met with a stinging remark from her.
"Two people who weren't meant to be together. Maybe they’ll get a happy ending just because they both want it so much."
"Yeah, that's usually the way it works."
But from Stacy, there was always something else hidden behind what she said. House's bitter accusations were usually just a way for him to confirm what he thought he had so cleverly figured out. They exposed the person's faults, they made them real to him, brought them down to his reality, where everyone lies, people make mistakes, and no one loves you just the way you are. From Stacy, there was no judgment made, just an open-ended statement that always left House wondering more. He loved that, he loved her, and she loved him, he never thought he'd need love from someone, but then he never knew how much he needed her until she was gone.
"He loved her enough to convince himself he could change."
"But he couldn't, could he?"
When she couldn't take it anymore, she left. She didn't want to, she just didn't have a choice. She still loved him, but he acted like he didn't love her anymore. There was no room for her in his life anymore. He worked, he took his pills, he went to physical therapy, he slept, but all he did to Stacy was push her away.
Then she came back. She was married, and it looked like she loved Mark, but not the same way she had once loved him. When he saw her again he realized that the hole he had been feeling within himself still ached. Part of him was still with her. He had to know if part of her was still with him. That night, he knew.
"God, I really miss curry."
He looked into her eyes then. She still loved him. He felt every emotion he'd ever experienced come rushing back to him, the hole inside him filled with it. In his mind’s eye he can see the light coming over the balcony of the hospital's roof, flooding everything with light on a summer morning as he sits there with her in the glory of the sunrise, that moment forever preserved in his mind. That's how he felt in Baltimore.
Everything was wrapped up into one glance, everything understood, and everything forgiven. She looked down then, she was supposed to feel this way for Mark, but she knew she didn't.
He lifted a hand to her chin, lifted her head until she faced him once more. His eyes, capable of stopping her heart with one glance, they still did, but it wasn't just their piercing blue quality, it was everything behind them. He let his hand drop to her side and raised his eyebrows, letting her know that he saw the same depth in her eyes.
"You're a jerk."
"I know."
These things are said with smiles. This is how it's always been between them. And in Baltimore, in the hotel, locked in their own private snow globe, that’s how it was. He leant in to kiss her. It wasn’t rushed, it was savored, both were aware that the moment would fade but they wanted to live it first. Their lips were reacquainted with each other. She had to reach up to his lips as he leant down. They came apart only to come together again, she reached an arm up to hold him. He leant back, and she's wasn’t sure why.
"If you hadn't just had a fight with Mark..."
She grabbed his face in her hands, with a force that made him look straight into her eyes.
"For once in your life, will you shut-up?"
Then they were right back to where they were. Existing only for that moment in time. The need was stronger this time though, they embraced, felt every part of each other they could at once, their lips no longer explored but pressed to each other, closing the distance between them. The smell of her was intoxicatingly exquisite. It brought the good memories of their life together rushing back to him and it only made him love her more than he did already. She could feel his stubble under her fingers as she stroked his jaw like she always had when they kissed before, the feeling is tantalizing to her skin and it made her want to freeze all time right there and make every moment like that.
His phone rang. It made time move forward, brought her one step closer to losing that moment. She put her hands behind her head in frustration only to bring them back to his arms, to him, to what she longed to touch most of all, his arms surrounding her in an embrace, that was all she wanted. So she reached back up to him, desperately trying to re-capture what was rapidly slipping away.
He reached for the phone, wishing it would stop ringing and reality would just go away.
"House."
She leant back, allowing that to happen, but she could only hold onto their moment for so long. He looked back into her eyes as he talked into the phone. She took that as her cue to encourage him to get off the phone while he still could, she used to always try that -- if the patient wasn't critical it worked sometimes. She tugged at his shirt; she caressed his chest, moved closer all the time. She was back in for a kiss and he leant down to touch her lips with his once more in between words. The case didn’t sound like it was going well, she despaired and leant her head against his chest while he talked, inhaled his scent and reveled in being so close to him again. He made an attempt to get off the phone, and he was about to put it down and forget everything but her again. He held the phone away as they kissed once more.
"He was trying to tell us something!"
He was hesitant to let that kiss go. It could’ve never happened again, and he never wanted that to happen, he never wanted it to end. He looked into her eyes. He could hear his heart beating in his chest as time slowed.
"I know that limp. I know the empty ring finger. And that obsessive nature of yours, that’s a big secret. You don’t risk jail and your career just to save somebody who doesn’t want to be saved unless you got something, anything, one thing. The reason normal people got wives and kids and hobbies, whatever. That’s because they don’t got that one thing that hits them that hard and that true. I got music, you got this. The thing you think about all the time, the thing that keeps you south of normal. Yeah, makes us great, makes us the best. All we miss out on is everything else. No woman waiting at home after work with the drink and the kiss, that ain’t gonna happen for us."*
When he came back from his thoughts it hadn’t been that long, it hadn’t been the eternity of moments that he thought he must've spent agonizing over that very fact. Against everything his mind and body screamed to him, he stepped away. Coward.
She sat down on the bed. The moment was lost, but she accepted it. She always does. This was part of him. There is something inside him that comes before her. That hurts more than he could ever know, because when they are together, she knows that he is first in her heart. She doesn't understand why, and she doesn't need to, because it’s part of what makes him who he is. The one.
I will not forsake the colors that you bring
Bu, the nights you filled with fireworks
They left you with nothing
I am still enchanted by the light you brought to me
I still listen through your ears
And through your eyes I can see
Note on Chapter 7 update: I worked an older fic I wrote after "Failure to Communicate" aired into this one and edited it a bit. So, if you ever treaded the Devoted to Hugh boards this might look a little familiar. This chapter also has a bit of Stacy POV.
"Behind Blue Eyes" belongs to The Who
"Happiness" belongs to Grant Lee Buffalo
"Wake Up Dead Man" belongs to U2
"I'm So Tired" belongs to The Beatles
"Gone" belongs to U2
"Photo Booth" belongs to Death Cab for Cutie
"Stuck in a Moment You Can't Get Out of" belongs to U2
Dialogues are in italics and have quotes around them, they're all from "Failure to Communicate".
*Dialogue taken from "No Reason"
*Dialogue taken from "DNR"
Author: Voxified
Pairing: House/Stacy
Rating: Teen
Warnings: If you don't like songfic, this isn't for you
Summary: No real plot yet, though it may go somewhere. Short-ish. Seven chapters, seven song inspirations. Third person narraration. House POV.
Disclaimer: If I owned them, Stacy would still be on the show snogging House's face off. They belong to David Shore and his minions, the cruel geniuses.
Notes: I'm a young writer with a fragile ego, but I like feedback good or bad. It's like crack Vicodin to me. It's not finished, and if it is finished, it will be slowly since school interferes with my life.
Chapters 1-6 can be found here: http://community.livejournal.com/housefic/463823.html
Stuck in a Moment You Can’t Get Out of
January 2006, an airport hotel in Baltimore. He could still taste the most bittersweet kiss of his life on his lips. Bitter because he had no control over it and he knew it probably wouldn’t lead them down any good road, sweet because of how good her lips tasted on his, how it felt to touch her again, to hold her; rediscover the sensation that was Stacy Jameson. Fuck, no, Stacy Warner. That’s what it is now. Just accept it. What will be will be. What will be should be and everyone else is a coward* for not facing the blunt, honest truth.
At least that’s what he tries to tell himself, the rule he tries to live by. Sometimes it doesn’t work so well though, especially when he’s got Wilson around to tell him to his face what his conscience is trying to say through the suppression of his ego. Wilson tells him he’s a coward, and he’s right. He tries to tell himself that it was some great sacrifice, an act of chivalry, that she’d be lonely with him; but he’s just a coward. He’s a coward too unwilling to change because he’s afraid of it, too afraid to be human.
"God, I really miss curry."
That was the moment he knew. He had been trying to get there for the five months before that moment. No, longer than that, much longer. Try the past five years. For the past five years he had wondered how she really felt about him. They had been in love, happier than both of them ever thought they could be. Even with the loneliness, the fights, the infarction, even when he pushed her away, said he was glad as she walked out the door, he didn’t understand it.
They were cynics, he took cynicism to an entirely new level, for him to fall in love was practically hypocrisy, but when they were together House felt he could be in love. He was still a bastard and she probably still felt lonely sometimes, he was bad at that thing, happiness. But he could be tender, loving and everything everyone else never thought he could be too. She let him, because she already expected it. She understood him. She could match him; a biting accusation thinly veiled as curiosity from him was met with a stinging remark from her.
"Two people who weren't meant to be together. Maybe they’ll get a happy ending just because they both want it so much."
"Yeah, that's usually the way it works."
But from Stacy, there was always something else hidden behind what she said. House's bitter accusations were usually just a way for him to confirm what he thought he had so cleverly figured out. They exposed the person's faults, they made them real to him, brought them down to his reality, where everyone lies, people make mistakes, and no one loves you just the way you are. From Stacy, there was no judgment made, just an open-ended statement that always left House wondering more. He loved that, he loved her, and she loved him, he never thought he'd need love from someone, but then he never knew how much he needed her until she was gone.
"He loved her enough to convince himself he could change."
"But he couldn't, could he?"
When she couldn't take it anymore, she left. She didn't want to, she just didn't have a choice. She still loved him, but he acted like he didn't love her anymore. There was no room for her in his life anymore. He worked, he took his pills, he went to physical therapy, he slept, but all he did to Stacy was push her away.
Then she came back. She was married, and it looked like she loved Mark, but not the same way she had once loved him. When he saw her again he realized that the hole he had been feeling within himself still ached. Part of him was still with her. He had to know if part of her was still with him. That night, he knew.
"God, I really miss curry."
He looked into her eyes then. She still loved him. He felt every emotion he'd ever experienced come rushing back to him, the hole inside him filled with it. In his mind’s eye he can see the light coming over the balcony of the hospital's roof, flooding everything with light on a summer morning as he sits there with her in the glory of the sunrise, that moment forever preserved in his mind. That's how he felt in Baltimore.
Everything was wrapped up into one glance, everything understood, and everything forgiven. She looked down then, she was supposed to feel this way for Mark, but she knew she didn't.
He lifted a hand to her chin, lifted her head until she faced him once more. His eyes, capable of stopping her heart with one glance, they still did, but it wasn't just their piercing blue quality, it was everything behind them. He let his hand drop to her side and raised his eyebrows, letting her know that he saw the same depth in her eyes.
"You're a jerk."
"I know."
These things are said with smiles. This is how it's always been between them. And in Baltimore, in the hotel, locked in their own private snow globe, that’s how it was. He leant in to kiss her. It wasn’t rushed, it was savored, both were aware that the moment would fade but they wanted to live it first. Their lips were reacquainted with each other. She had to reach up to his lips as he leant down. They came apart only to come together again, she reached an arm up to hold him. He leant back, and she's wasn’t sure why.
"If you hadn't just had a fight with Mark..."
She grabbed his face in her hands, with a force that made him look straight into her eyes.
"For once in your life, will you shut-up?"
Then they were right back to where they were. Existing only for that moment in time. The need was stronger this time though, they embraced, felt every part of each other they could at once, their lips no longer explored but pressed to each other, closing the distance between them. The smell of her was intoxicatingly exquisite. It brought the good memories of their life together rushing back to him and it only made him love her more than he did already. She could feel his stubble under her fingers as she stroked his jaw like she always had when they kissed before, the feeling is tantalizing to her skin and it made her want to freeze all time right there and make every moment like that.
His phone rang. It made time move forward, brought her one step closer to losing that moment. She put her hands behind her head in frustration only to bring them back to his arms, to him, to what she longed to touch most of all, his arms surrounding her in an embrace, that was all she wanted. So she reached back up to him, desperately trying to re-capture what was rapidly slipping away.
He reached for the phone, wishing it would stop ringing and reality would just go away.
"House."
She leant back, allowing that to happen, but she could only hold onto their moment for so long. He looked back into her eyes as he talked into the phone. She took that as her cue to encourage him to get off the phone while he still could, she used to always try that -- if the patient wasn't critical it worked sometimes. She tugged at his shirt; she caressed his chest, moved closer all the time. She was back in for a kiss and he leant down to touch her lips with his once more in between words. The case didn’t sound like it was going well, she despaired and leant her head against his chest while he talked, inhaled his scent and reveled in being so close to him again. He made an attempt to get off the phone, and he was about to put it down and forget everything but her again. He held the phone away as they kissed once more.
"He was trying to tell us something!"
He was hesitant to let that kiss go. It could’ve never happened again, and he never wanted that to happen, he never wanted it to end. He looked into her eyes. He could hear his heart beating in his chest as time slowed.
"I know that limp. I know the empty ring finger. And that obsessive nature of yours, that’s a big secret. You don’t risk jail and your career just to save somebody who doesn’t want to be saved unless you got something, anything, one thing. The reason normal people got wives and kids and hobbies, whatever. That’s because they don’t got that one thing that hits them that hard and that true. I got music, you got this. The thing you think about all the time, the thing that keeps you south of normal. Yeah, makes us great, makes us the best. All we miss out on is everything else. No woman waiting at home after work with the drink and the kiss, that ain’t gonna happen for us."*
When he came back from his thoughts it hadn’t been that long, it hadn’t been the eternity of moments that he thought he must've spent agonizing over that very fact. Against everything his mind and body screamed to him, he stepped away. Coward.
She sat down on the bed. The moment was lost, but she accepted it. She always does. This was part of him. There is something inside him that comes before her. That hurts more than he could ever know, because when they are together, she knows that he is first in her heart. She doesn't understand why, and she doesn't need to, because it’s part of what makes him who he is. The one.
I will not forsake the colors that you bring
Bu, the nights you filled with fireworks
They left you with nothing
I am still enchanted by the light you brought to me
I still listen through your ears
And through your eyes I can see
Note on Chapter 7 update: I worked an older fic I wrote after "Failure to Communicate" aired into this one and edited it a bit. So, if you ever treaded the Devoted to Hugh boards this might look a little familiar. This chapter also has a bit of Stacy POV.
"Behind Blue Eyes" belongs to The Who
"Happiness" belongs to Grant Lee Buffalo
"Wake Up Dead Man" belongs to U2
"I'm So Tired" belongs to The Beatles
"Gone" belongs to U2
"Photo Booth" belongs to Death Cab for Cutie
"Stuck in a Moment You Can't Get Out of" belongs to U2
Dialogues are in italics and have quotes around them, they're all from "Failure to Communicate".
*Dialogue taken from "No Reason"
*Dialogue taken from "DNR"