[FIC] anemone
title: anemone
rating: nc-17
pairing: nishikido ryo/tegoshi yuya
summary: AU. ryo thinks love is both disgusting and beautiful, a mix of pain and joy, of sick minds and pure hearts.
word count: 4,994
The first time he sees Tegoshi, it's not his face that's in front of him. He's bending down to tie his construction boots, sleeveless shirt riding up and pants hanging low on his small hips, giving a perfect view of the curve of his ass and his milky white skin. The sun burns it, scorching and merciless, and Ryo knows it will be a harsh red by the end of the day; the skin will peel off in delicate, abused layers. It's on his way to work, his new job, that he gets lost and has to pass on a street where new apartments are being built, though it doesn't take him long to decide that he'll make this his daily road to work, a very good way to start and end the day.
He wants to leave red all over this body, harder than the sun, bruising and painful. He thinks of him for the whole day as he moves numbers from one column to another, pictures the faceless stranger without a name writhing and whimpering helplessly under him. In his fantasies, he never holds back. In his fantasies, he's violent and rough and sometimes hits him. He gets off too many times on those images in one night.
He sees his face when he comes back from work at the end of the next day. The sun is less warm and Tegoshi is wearing a decent T-shirt this time. He's on his break, munching on his onigiri like a high school kid - and honestly, he can't be older than seventeen, not with this face. Certain parts of Ryo twitch with the knowledge that it could be illegal, so he's a little disappointed when he learns that the kid is actually twenty. It doesn't matter, though, because he's naive and sheltered from perversions like one anyway. Ryo wants to show him everything that gets him hard. He wants to make him enjoy it. He'll make him his pet, the beloved puppet he'll lock somewhere and keep to himself, away from the hungry, impure eyes of the world. He'll cage him in his perfect world, the world in which he will be happy and know love and violence. He'll show him that there is nothing more violent and selfish than love. Ryo thinks love is both disgusting and beautiful, a mix of pain and joy, of sick minds and pure hearts. Love, to Ryo, has always come with sex and since his childhood, sex is a hand on his mouth, wet with his tears and shut up, don't you fucking dare tell anyone about this, you slut. He wants a clean version of love he can believe in, his own kind of love, the love he feels towards Tegoshi with a pure heart and the love that will make him bleed and moan with Ryo's sick mind.
It all happens gradually, a turn of events Ryo can't even remember properly - he thinks it started when he nodded at Tegoshi in the morning and later in the afternoon, because now he's taking him to his apartment after dinner to watch movies. Tegoshi calls him Ryo-tan and snuggles into his side as he starts Tokyo Decadence. "Have you ever had sex before, Tego-nyan?" Ryo asks tentatively during the first sex scene and feels the boy giggle against him.
"Of course I have, silly. Wouldn't it be sad if I was still a virgin at twenty? I know I'd be ashamed."
"So you're experienced," Ryo says in a monotone voice. His mind is racing.
"Probably not as experienced as Ryo-tan, ne. Why is Ryo-tan asking?" His head moves a bit when Ryo shrugs, saying the movie just made him wonder. Tegoshi believes him.
The movie ends and Ryo takes Tegoshi's face between his hands and kisses him, soft at first so he becomes putty and thrusts his all into Ryo's hands, loses himself. He opens his mouth with his own free will and gives the older man full access, all warm tongues and closed eyes. Ryo's hands wander under his shirt for shivers and quiet moans, he feels delicate hands pushing on his chest when he starts working on Tegoshi's belt buckle. Tegoshi smiles innocently, cheeks flushed from the arousal but his face his so angelic he could've been doing anything else. "Not on the first night, let's wait; I'm not that easy you know." You will be, Ryo whispers so quietly Tegoshi doesn't understand, and kisses him again to shut him up. They don't go further than that, but it won't be long until Tegoshi is his. He knows it, sees it in his eyes. He's innocently falling, naively unaware of who his precious Ryo-tan really is.
"Be careful, Ryo-chan," Yamashita tells him at lunch. Yamashita is an expert at marketing, far better with numbers than Ryo is. He's the most honest and professional employee a boss will ever have working for them; Ryo suspects he's a swindler when he wipes away his smile, throws his black suit in a corner and takes his business cards out of his brand name wallet. "Don't scare the kid away. I've seen this on the news, this girl sued her ex-boyfriend who was into SM, said he used to rape and beat her. Turns out she was completely consensual and it was part of their sexual games, but guess what? The guy went to prison. Even Kato-kun couldn't save him, he told me the whole story."
"Didn't you say you saw it on the news?"
"I did. But they only said he raped and beat her on the news, they didn't have the real version. That's where Kato-kun comes in handy, he told me everything the guy said."
"Who said it was all true?"
"Kato-kun never lies, Ryo-chan."
"Maybe his client lied."
"He didn't. Kato-kun saw videos, man. Trust me, it was all consensual. Kato-kun didn't win because the judge, the prosecutor, the girlfriend's lawyer, they were all women. And you know how those are." Ryo thinks Yamashita sleeps well at night because Kato Shigeaki the amazing lawyer is one his best friends. If he ever gets caught swindling - it won't happen, Yamashita is certain of this, but we never know -, Kato-kun will save him.
"That's why I don't sleep with women, Yamashita-kun."
Ryo still follows Yamashita's advice. He doesn't do anything that could scare Tegoshi away. The first time he takes him, he bends him over a table and pays attention to his reactions - like when he rakes his nails down this milky white skin that's still red in some places from hard work outside and hears his moans get louder, or when he slaps his hips so hard against the boy's ass it could leave bruises and Tegoshi pushes back to get more, more, more. It's a good start.
It's all relative.
Ryo never really believed in this saying - well, he did to some point - until Tegoshi took him to a restaurant where he could meet his best friend and another guy he considers as the older brother he's never had; respectively Masuda and Koyama. Disliking this best friend of his aside, Ryo learns that Koyama is Kato Shigeaki's boyfriend. Kato Shigeaki is Yamashita's friend. Yamashita is Nishikido Ryo's coworker and Ryo is Tegoshi's new boyfriend. Tegoshi is Koyama's self-proclaimed little brother. And it's a vicious circle, right there (a whole lot of mountains, too). Masuda is not part of it. Ryo really dislikes Masuda. Masuda knows there is something strange about Ryo, feels like it's going to be too late to protect his best friend if he doesn't do anything.
Tegoshi goes to the bathroom.
"There's something about you," Masuda starts, squinting in Ryo's direction with the eyes of a predator, "that makes me really uncomfortable." Koyama tells Masuda not to be rude, and the answer he gets is I don't care.
"I make everyone uncomfortable, Masuda-san. That's nothing new."
"I've always told Yuya that nothing would harm him when I was around, but somehow…you're making my resolve crumble. I don't like outsiders. I don't trust you."
"Give the guy a chance, Massu. We barely even know him. I can see it in his eyes, he's a good person - and don't say I have too much faith in people!" Koyama defends and they leave it at that because Tegoshi comes back, happy to see his three most important people bonding. Ha.
That night is when Ryo begins to uncover his world to Tegoshi. He throws him down on his bed and straddles him, one hand on each side of his head as he stares into his eyes with hunger. Tegoshi wraps his arms around his shoulders and pulls him closer to press their lips together. His breath hitches when Ryo shoves a hand down his pants and tugs a few times to get him hard - it never takes too long with Tegoshi. He calls him Yuya for the first time, just like Masuda did, and he gets a sick pleasure out of knowing that he's not Masuda's anymore; he's all his, like he's been planning from the beginning.
His name is Nishikido Ryo, he moved to Tokyo for a job as a processor and fell in love with Tegoshi Yuya, a construction worker trying to get enough money to enter university in psychology. He works with Yamashita Tomohisa, whom he suspects to be a swindler, and he's just the same. They both look like two decent guys but in reality, they're just keeping parts of themselves hidden in their worlds. Yamashita steals money through his wits and Ryo, who remembers how much he used to cry and scream in silence, causes pain to his partners the same way, only more violent, and he makes them beg for it. He wonders who's really the scumbag between him and Yamashita.
He unbuttons Yuya's shirt, digs his fingers into the flesh and drags them down between each button, until he can slip the shirt off of his tiny shoulders. His pants follow suit and he undresses Ryo, the angle a bit awkward with Ryo hovering over him, but they manage to kick off every layer until all that's left is skin on skin. Ryo grabs Yuya's forearm right where there's a new sunburn and tightens his hold to see his face contort in pain. The skin under his fingers turns to white and he grinds his hips against Yuya's, who moans with the mix of pain and pleasure. He tries to free his arm but can only wrap the other around Ryo's broad shoulders to pull him down for another kiss, and whispers against his lips like a secret, "Ryo, please,". He doesn't even know what he's begging for; he just does.
Ryo lets go of him and forces two fingers deeply into his mouth so Yuya gags and widens his eyes, startled. "Suck," he orders, and the boy complies. He pulls out his fingers when he's decided that it's enough and pushes them both at the same time in Yuya's entrance, without warning. He moves his fingers around quickly, barely giving him enough time to adjust to the intrusion, but Yuya still spreads his legs when the fingers leave him - he's ready even though he knows this going to hurt so bad, but he wants Ryo to be satisfied with him, thinking he's just going to thrust in any second.
Of course, Ryo has different plans - he moves up Yuya's body, pulls at a handful of hair with his left hand and guides his cock towards the boy's lips with the other. Yuya tentatively opens his mouth, too slow for Ryo, who thrusts inside almost violently. He's too confused and surprised to react, say Ryo is being too rough for him, so he lets him fuck his mouth, groaning and saying how good, how hot it is. He isn't dumb and catches on without asking himself if it's a good thing to be this submissive and let the other have his way with his body, but he loves Ryo and starts sucking. It takes Ryo more willpower than he's ever needed to pull out of Yuya's mouth, and he briefly thinks about coming on his face someday as he settles back in between his legs. He doesn't have to be begged to enter the boy. He barely even holds back, fucks Yuya so hard the head of the bed connects with the wall in rhythm with each of his thrusts and the creaking of the mattress springs. Yuya moans like a cheap whore and Ryo decides to save the hitting for another time because he looks too beautiful to take this much abuse, and settles for biting his neck until he feels blood on his tongue while he pumps Yuya's erection with an experienced wrist. Yuya comes first, all over Ryo's hands and their stomachs as he screams, pushes back to meet his thrusts and clenches around him. It's only a matter of seconds until Ryo comes inside of him. He pulls out and lays down next to him, breath ragged.
"You were rough," Yuya says in between two pants and moves damp hair away from his face.
"I know," Ryo answers, standing up and disappearing into the bathroom. He comes back with a wet towel, which he uses to wipe his own hand and stomach, then Yuya's. He laps at the fresh drops of blood pearling at the junction of his neck and collarbone before covering the wound with a band-aid. He flops down on the bed and pulls Yuya's body close. "Did you like it?"
Yuya buries his face in Ryo's shoulder and nods, feeling his face growing hot. Ryo smiles and kisses his head. His eyes well up with tears for some reason, and he pulls Yuya even closer. He misses Osaka, feels complete and empty at the same time, there's something broken inside of him and he's unaware of it still. He stays silent for a few seconds, and speaks up before Yuya can fall asleep.
"I love you, Yuya," he declares and a tear rolls down his cheek. "I love you."
The next day, Ryo's bedroom door is locked from the outside and Yuya's alone. He tries to get out from the communicating bathroom but that door is locked, too. Yuya panicks, bangs on the door while calling out. He finally gives up, sits down on the floor against the side of the bed and sees the corner of the note on the night table. I'll be out for a while, back for lunch. You can take a shower and wear some clothes from my dresser. Make yourself at home. I love you. Yuya looks at the clock. He has around two and a half hours to kill. He goes to take a shower, touches himself while thinking of Ryo with the warm water running down his back. He comes out of the bathroom wearing a pair of Ryo's boxers that threaten to fall off his hips and a black T-shirt and can't find his cellphone where he left it in the back pocket of his pants. "Where the fuck is my cell?" he wonders out loud. Ryo knows.
"Hello?"
"…Nishikido-san?" comes Masuda's voice, laced with thick confusion.
"Mornin'."
"Where's Yuya? This is his phone."
Ryo rolls his eyes, anyone would have suspected whose phone they're holding. "Sleeping. Call back after lunch." And he hangs up. Yuya throws himself on the bed, stares at the ceiling with a what the hell. He gets bored after half an hour and decides to explore, opening Ryo's closet. He knows curiosity killed the cat but his curiosity is stronger than anything (and as far as he knows, it never killed a Tegoshi) - he looks through the clothes at first, runs his fingers over the fabric of his suits and jeans. He does it until his feet kick a box, looks over his shoulder to check the time. Ryo shouldn't be back for a bit less than an hour, so he sits down cross-legged on the floor and opens the box like a treasure. There are old Final Fantasy games, some more recent, Ryo's graduation album, Kito Aya's book, pictures from Osaka. Yuya gets to the bottom of the box where he picks up an envelope marked CONFIDENTIAL in big red letters.
"Good morn-Yuya?" The boy scrambles to his feet when he hears Ryo's voice, the lid of the envelope opened in his hands. Ryo's eyes drift to it and flare with anger before he takes it from Yuya's hands and slaps him, the sound traveling through the room quick and sharp.
Yuya looks down, presses a hand over his reddening cheek as his eyes well up with tears and he feels the sting. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I was bored and the doors were locked and I was curious, I'm sorry!"
"Curious?" Ryo repeats, and lets the envelope fall to the floor to grab Yuya's wrist and slam him against the nearest wall. It startles him and he feels pain shoot through his skull as it collides with the hard surface, matching the sting in his throbbing cheek. "I really can't trust you, can I? Is this really what you want, to be locked in my room all the time when I'm away?" Yuya shakes his head, Ryo shakes Yuya. "Then be trustworthy!"
"I'm sorry Ryo-tan, I won't do it again!" Ryo stares into his eyes, as if to find a lie, but he can only see fright and total abandon. His grip on Yuya's wrists loosens and he nods, brushing the boy's hair away from his face lovingly. "I'll make it up to you," Yuya whispers. "Just. Let me be in control."
"What?" Ryo questions and Yuya switches their positions so Ryo's back is pressed against the wall. He falls to his knees, undoes his pants and strokes him to hardness, looking up at Ryo innocently before taking Ryo's member in his mouth, wet and hot and soft. Ryo's head falls back and he grunts, fingers finding Yuya's hair as he bobs his head slowly. With one hand, he steadies the man's hips while the other fondles his balls. He increases his pace, runs his tongue along the underside and teases the head until Ryo comes inside his mouth, knees shaking and hands pulling at his hair hard. He swallows everything and licks him clean skilfully before zipping his pants back up and standing with his lips pressed together shyly. "You're well trained," Ryo smiles and kisses him. He can taste himself faintly on his lips. "Though a bit crazy for sucking cock first thing in the morning. Come on, love. I have food."
Ryo behaves like a normal, sane person for a while - at least a month - until he decides that Yuya has been on a break from his world for enough time. He doesn't start slowly, doesn't ease him into it like he did before; he chains Yuya to his bed, hits him and makes him bleed, smearing red across his pale skin like roses on the cold snow. Yuya never protests. He keeps on taking the abuse, turned on by it more than it scares him, and slowly abandons himself to Ryo more and more with every passing day. He only does because he knows Ryo loves him and he's pretty sure he loves him back, because when Ryo hits him, his eyes darken as if veiled by something and he looks superior, but when he comes and pulls Yuya against him, he looks like a fragile child who's broken down and he stares at Yuya with adoration. "You're saving me," he whispers one night as the rain pounds against his bedroom window, punctuated by the thunder every so often. "Don't you ever leave me. I love you."
Yuya swipes his tongue across his bottom lip, feels a sharp pain and tastes his blood, metallic and somewhat salty. "I'm not going anywere." He's young and innocent, knows next to nothing about life. Ryo wants to shield him from the world, he wants to lock him in a glass box from where outsiders will only be able to look at him with their dirty eyes, Masuda and Koyama and Yamashita included, but they'll never be able to break him. Ryo will be the only one allowed inside the crystal walls of his own heart where Yuya will be put away, only he will hurt Yuya because he'll always love him enough to heal his wounds.
Even Masuda is bound to hurt him one day, he writes. He'll hurt him because he's a vermin just like everyone else, he's full of shit and will leave him broken in the dirt. One day, he'll leave him with no one if I don't protect him, if I don't destroy Masuda. I'll never leave him. I'll always make him right no matter how much I'm able to hurt him. I'm the one who loves him with that one true love the books keep talking about. The love that never fails. Never breaks.
The front door opens; it's Yuya coming back from work. Ryo sets his pen down and closes the notebook with the kanji of Yuya's name written on the front before slipping it in the envelope. He takes a short look at the pictures at the bottom of it, clicks his tongue and stuffs it back in the box right as Yuya enters the room and calls "I'm home!" happily.
"Welcome back," Ryo answers and kisses Yuya's lips, then his reddened cheeks. He runs his lips down his neck and pulls at his collar to see his sunburned shoulders, his frown deep. "You took off your shirt today."
"I did, it was so warm!"
"Stop doing it," he orders. "I hate when others see you shirtless."
"But Ryo-tan-"
"Yuya," he presses, grips the boy's shoulder. Yuya nods and barely even winces at the warm pain from the sunburn and Ryo's hand.
Ryo has lunch with Yamashita on his next day off in a traditional Japanese restaurant that's across the street from the apartment buildings Yuya and his team have started working on recently. It's a new project, making Yuya excited because he's building homes for people, Ryo can see him work, brow furrowed in concentration, from where he's sitting. "He's beautiful," Yamashita says, holds his hands up in defense when Ryo gives him a death glare. "Hey, I was just saying, I know he's yours. You should be flattered, I'm pretty difficult you know."
"Oh, please. I've seen your boy toy, do you seriously think I'll believe you when you say you're difficult?" Ryo takes a sip of his tea. "The guy's about as sharp as a marble. Don't tell me you think idiots are arousing."
"That's exactly why I love the saying shut up and be pretty. Besides, if I thought idiots are arousing, I'd be hard right now." Ryo stares at Yamashita for a long moment then snorts and laughs uncontrollably. "See, this is why I don't understand Ryo-chan. I compliment your boyfriend and you wanna kill me, but I call you an idiot and you think it's hilarious." When his co-worker has calmed down, Yamashita stands up and excuses himself to the bathroom, leaving Ryo alone. He's dressed all in black, except for his red suspenders, and Ryo notices a thick wad of cash sticking out of his back pocket. He knows there are probably more in the trench coat Yamashita has hung on the back of his chair, but he waits until the younger man comes back.
"That money doesn't come from the office, does it," he says, more a statement than a question. Yamashita pales.
"What are you talking about?"
"You know exactly what I'm talking about; you're a swindler. Con artist. Admit it."
"Ryo-chan-" Yamashita starts, but cuts himself off with a tiny, tiny nod, it's the first time Ryo's seen him looking vulnerable like Yuya and it makes him crack a smile. "But please don't tell anyone, only Kato-kun knows, I can trust Kato-kun, can I trust Ryo-chan?"
"I won't tell anyone, we're both full of shit anyway. I could end up like your Kato-kun's client if someone decided to call the police and sue me. We're in this together."
"I thought you hated everyone like Masuda because they were full of shit. Does Ryo-chan hate me too?"
"We're all full of shit, Yamashita-kun. Masuda's full of shit, he just is, and I'd kill him if I could. But you and I, we're downright scumbags. Everyone will die but the good people like Masuda will die first, they'll all be destroyed by those who know what real life is, like us. Especially like you." In this world, there are three kinds of men. There are people like Masuda. Then people like Yamashita and me. Then there are those like Yuya. People like Yamashita destroy people like Masuda's lives while people like Yuya are eating people like Yamashita alive. They're beautiful and fragile and make us weak, that's why they all ought to be locked up, so we can have power over them and maybe make them ours, no one else's. Someday the world as we know it will disappear and it'll be filled with cages for people like Yuya, and those like Masuda will be extermined. All of them.
The summer vacation starts and teenagers fill the streets and malls at any time of the week, Ryo has to leave for his first business trip ever. He has to go with Yamashita, so they ask Kato-kun to check on Yuya, but don't tell Koyama or it'll reach Masuda's ears, he has to make sure Yuya doesn't see too much people behind Ryo's back. Especially Masuda, but Yuya invites him for a sleepover on the second day. It feels just like when they were teenagers and they used to sit on the floor of Yuya's bedroom playing video games, laughing and talking like girls until the sun went up. There is also when Yuya takes half an hour-long showers and Masuda has nothing to do, so he decides to take a look around Ryo's room.
It's pretty neat except for Yuya's collection of L'Arc~en~Ciel albums spread on the dresser, with AWAKE in the stereo because Yuya loves the ambiance when they play it during sex. Ryo's CDs are all stacked in a rack, Masuda recognizes Remioromen, Red Hot Chili Peppers and Mr Children among others. He moves on to the closet and finds the box Ryo hasn't even tried to hide better since the little incident with Yuya and the envelope. It's the second thing Masuda digs up because he knows people hide their most secretive things far away from even their own eyes. He frowns at the notebook marked Tegoshi and opens it, eyes falling on words like vermin and destroy as he flips through the pages darkened by ink and Ryo's handwriting. He hears the water stop and closes the envelope, stuffing it in his bag before Yuya comes out of the bathroom. He smiles, "Took you a while."
"That's nothing new," Yuya chuckles and runs a hand through his wet hair. Masuda thinks, I'll bring it back before Nishikido can notice it's gone, and he does because he's just that sneaky.
He's horrified by what he reads when he goes home, more horrified by what Ryo wrote about Yuya than what he wrote about him. The thought of everything he might be doing to Yuya is enough to make him sick, and it scares him so fucking much because it's true, he can't protect Yuya even if he's around now that Ryo is in the picture. Masuda wants him out of it, finally reciprocating Ryo's feelings about him. He finds the pictures that bother Ryo so much, pictures of him when he looked pretty young, with a gag in his mouth, tears in his face, of his arms tied up above his head and blood on his chest, sometimes on his legs and with cum. That's when it really hits Masuda, this guy is completely deranged, all because of whatever happened in the pictures and the note he finds at the bottom of the envelope: The monsters underneath your bed will always scare you even when you turn on the lights, Nishikido-kun. You'll always be my slut, with your legs open and screaming for more, so remember, don't tell anyone. I'm your monsters.
Masuda slips the envelope back in the box while Yuya is cooking dinner in the kitchen, simply because Ryo could be back any minute now. He's slipping into his shoes when the front door opens, and Masuda's eyes lock with Ryo's - he sees, then, just how broken he really is. "I was just leaving; sorry for interrupting." He leans in the general direction of the kitchen. "See you, Yuya," he calls and bows stiffly to Ryo before leaving. Ryo really, really doesn't like him.
Two days later, Masuda asks Yuya to come over to his apartment, and he grabs his shoulders, looking at him with the most worried look Yuya has ever seen on his face.
"Massu, what's wrong?"
"Leave him," he says, his voice deep and somewhat panicked. "Leave him, Yuya, he's crazy, there's something wrong with him, please, please, Yuya."
Yuya blinks, shakes his head. "I don't know what Massu is saying. Calm down, okay? You're just worried about me. Ryo-tan really loves me." And he gets that dazed smile, the one that tells Masuda that he's really become Ryo's puppet, that Masuda has completely lost his best friend. "Don't worry. I'm okay." That night, Ryo kisses Yuya like he never wants to let go, tells him he loves him as if he knows what Masuda has been telling him. Yuya says it back, the exact same words, because he's sure about his feelings completely now.
That day is one of the last times Masuda ever sees Yuya.
rating: nc-17
pairing: nishikido ryo/tegoshi yuya
summary: AU. ryo thinks love is both disgusting and beautiful, a mix of pain and joy, of sick minds and pure hearts.
word count: 4,994
The first time he sees Tegoshi, it's not his face that's in front of him. He's bending down to tie his construction boots, sleeveless shirt riding up and pants hanging low on his small hips, giving a perfect view of the curve of his ass and his milky white skin. The sun burns it, scorching and merciless, and Ryo knows it will be a harsh red by the end of the day; the skin will peel off in delicate, abused layers. It's on his way to work, his new job, that he gets lost and has to pass on a street where new apartments are being built, though it doesn't take him long to decide that he'll make this his daily road to work, a very good way to start and end the day.
He wants to leave red all over this body, harder than the sun, bruising and painful. He thinks of him for the whole day as he moves numbers from one column to another, pictures the faceless stranger without a name writhing and whimpering helplessly under him. In his fantasies, he never holds back. In his fantasies, he's violent and rough and sometimes hits him. He gets off too many times on those images in one night.
He sees his face when he comes back from work at the end of the next day. The sun is less warm and Tegoshi is wearing a decent T-shirt this time. He's on his break, munching on his onigiri like a high school kid - and honestly, he can't be older than seventeen, not with this face. Certain parts of Ryo twitch with the knowledge that it could be illegal, so he's a little disappointed when he learns that the kid is actually twenty. It doesn't matter, though, because he's naive and sheltered from perversions like one anyway. Ryo wants to show him everything that gets him hard. He wants to make him enjoy it. He'll make him his pet, the beloved puppet he'll lock somewhere and keep to himself, away from the hungry, impure eyes of the world. He'll cage him in his perfect world, the world in which he will be happy and know love and violence. He'll show him that there is nothing more violent and selfish than love. Ryo thinks love is both disgusting and beautiful, a mix of pain and joy, of sick minds and pure hearts. Love, to Ryo, has always come with sex and since his childhood, sex is a hand on his mouth, wet with his tears and shut up, don't you fucking dare tell anyone about this, you slut. He wants a clean version of love he can believe in, his own kind of love, the love he feels towards Tegoshi with a pure heart and the love that will make him bleed and moan with Ryo's sick mind.
It all happens gradually, a turn of events Ryo can't even remember properly - he thinks it started when he nodded at Tegoshi in the morning and later in the afternoon, because now he's taking him to his apartment after dinner to watch movies. Tegoshi calls him Ryo-tan and snuggles into his side as he starts Tokyo Decadence. "Have you ever had sex before, Tego-nyan?" Ryo asks tentatively during the first sex scene and feels the boy giggle against him.
"Of course I have, silly. Wouldn't it be sad if I was still a virgin at twenty? I know I'd be ashamed."
"So you're experienced," Ryo says in a monotone voice. His mind is racing.
"Probably not as experienced as Ryo-tan, ne. Why is Ryo-tan asking?" His head moves a bit when Ryo shrugs, saying the movie just made him wonder. Tegoshi believes him.
The movie ends and Ryo takes Tegoshi's face between his hands and kisses him, soft at first so he becomes putty and thrusts his all into Ryo's hands, loses himself. He opens his mouth with his own free will and gives the older man full access, all warm tongues and closed eyes. Ryo's hands wander under his shirt for shivers and quiet moans, he feels delicate hands pushing on his chest when he starts working on Tegoshi's belt buckle. Tegoshi smiles innocently, cheeks flushed from the arousal but his face his so angelic he could've been doing anything else. "Not on the first night, let's wait; I'm not that easy you know." You will be, Ryo whispers so quietly Tegoshi doesn't understand, and kisses him again to shut him up. They don't go further than that, but it won't be long until Tegoshi is his. He knows it, sees it in his eyes. He's innocently falling, naively unaware of who his precious Ryo-tan really is.
"Be careful, Ryo-chan," Yamashita tells him at lunch. Yamashita is an expert at marketing, far better with numbers than Ryo is. He's the most honest and professional employee a boss will ever have working for them; Ryo suspects he's a swindler when he wipes away his smile, throws his black suit in a corner and takes his business cards out of his brand name wallet. "Don't scare the kid away. I've seen this on the news, this girl sued her ex-boyfriend who was into SM, said he used to rape and beat her. Turns out she was completely consensual and it was part of their sexual games, but guess what? The guy went to prison. Even Kato-kun couldn't save him, he told me the whole story."
"Didn't you say you saw it on the news?"
"I did. But they only said he raped and beat her on the news, they didn't have the real version. That's where Kato-kun comes in handy, he told me everything the guy said."
"Who said it was all true?"
"Kato-kun never lies, Ryo-chan."
"Maybe his client lied."
"He didn't. Kato-kun saw videos, man. Trust me, it was all consensual. Kato-kun didn't win because the judge, the prosecutor, the girlfriend's lawyer, they were all women. And you know how those are." Ryo thinks Yamashita sleeps well at night because Kato Shigeaki the amazing lawyer is one his best friends. If he ever gets caught swindling - it won't happen, Yamashita is certain of this, but we never know -, Kato-kun will save him.
"That's why I don't sleep with women, Yamashita-kun."
Ryo still follows Yamashita's advice. He doesn't do anything that could scare Tegoshi away. The first time he takes him, he bends him over a table and pays attention to his reactions - like when he rakes his nails down this milky white skin that's still red in some places from hard work outside and hears his moans get louder, or when he slaps his hips so hard against the boy's ass it could leave bruises and Tegoshi pushes back to get more, more, more. It's a good start.
It's all relative.
Ryo never really believed in this saying - well, he did to some point - until Tegoshi took him to a restaurant where he could meet his best friend and another guy he considers as the older brother he's never had; respectively Masuda and Koyama. Disliking this best friend of his aside, Ryo learns that Koyama is Kato Shigeaki's boyfriend. Kato Shigeaki is Yamashita's friend. Yamashita is Nishikido Ryo's coworker and Ryo is Tegoshi's new boyfriend. Tegoshi is Koyama's self-proclaimed little brother. And it's a vicious circle, right there (a whole lot of mountains, too). Masuda is not part of it. Ryo really dislikes Masuda. Masuda knows there is something strange about Ryo, feels like it's going to be too late to protect his best friend if he doesn't do anything.
Tegoshi goes to the bathroom.
"There's something about you," Masuda starts, squinting in Ryo's direction with the eyes of a predator, "that makes me really uncomfortable." Koyama tells Masuda not to be rude, and the answer he gets is I don't care.
"I make everyone uncomfortable, Masuda-san. That's nothing new."
"I've always told Yuya that nothing would harm him when I was around, but somehow…you're making my resolve crumble. I don't like outsiders. I don't trust you."
"Give the guy a chance, Massu. We barely even know him. I can see it in his eyes, he's a good person - and don't say I have too much faith in people!" Koyama defends and they leave it at that because Tegoshi comes back, happy to see his three most important people bonding. Ha.
That night is when Ryo begins to uncover his world to Tegoshi. He throws him down on his bed and straddles him, one hand on each side of his head as he stares into his eyes with hunger. Tegoshi wraps his arms around his shoulders and pulls him closer to press their lips together. His breath hitches when Ryo shoves a hand down his pants and tugs a few times to get him hard - it never takes too long with Tegoshi. He calls him Yuya for the first time, just like Masuda did, and he gets a sick pleasure out of knowing that he's not Masuda's anymore; he's all his, like he's been planning from the beginning.
His name is Nishikido Ryo, he moved to Tokyo for a job as a processor and fell in love with Tegoshi Yuya, a construction worker trying to get enough money to enter university in psychology. He works with Yamashita Tomohisa, whom he suspects to be a swindler, and he's just the same. They both look like two decent guys but in reality, they're just keeping parts of themselves hidden in their worlds. Yamashita steals money through his wits and Ryo, who remembers how much he used to cry and scream in silence, causes pain to his partners the same way, only more violent, and he makes them beg for it. He wonders who's really the scumbag between him and Yamashita.
He unbuttons Yuya's shirt, digs his fingers into the flesh and drags them down between each button, until he can slip the shirt off of his tiny shoulders. His pants follow suit and he undresses Ryo, the angle a bit awkward with Ryo hovering over him, but they manage to kick off every layer until all that's left is skin on skin. Ryo grabs Yuya's forearm right where there's a new sunburn and tightens his hold to see his face contort in pain. The skin under his fingers turns to white and he grinds his hips against Yuya's, who moans with the mix of pain and pleasure. He tries to free his arm but can only wrap the other around Ryo's broad shoulders to pull him down for another kiss, and whispers against his lips like a secret, "Ryo, please,". He doesn't even know what he's begging for; he just does.
Ryo lets go of him and forces two fingers deeply into his mouth so Yuya gags and widens his eyes, startled. "Suck," he orders, and the boy complies. He pulls out his fingers when he's decided that it's enough and pushes them both at the same time in Yuya's entrance, without warning. He moves his fingers around quickly, barely giving him enough time to adjust to the intrusion, but Yuya still spreads his legs when the fingers leave him - he's ready even though he knows this going to hurt so bad, but he wants Ryo to be satisfied with him, thinking he's just going to thrust in any second.
Of course, Ryo has different plans - he moves up Yuya's body, pulls at a handful of hair with his left hand and guides his cock towards the boy's lips with the other. Yuya tentatively opens his mouth, too slow for Ryo, who thrusts inside almost violently. He's too confused and surprised to react, say Ryo is being too rough for him, so he lets him fuck his mouth, groaning and saying how good, how hot it is. He isn't dumb and catches on without asking himself if it's a good thing to be this submissive and let the other have his way with his body, but he loves Ryo and starts sucking. It takes Ryo more willpower than he's ever needed to pull out of Yuya's mouth, and he briefly thinks about coming on his face someday as he settles back in between his legs. He doesn't have to be begged to enter the boy. He barely even holds back, fucks Yuya so hard the head of the bed connects with the wall in rhythm with each of his thrusts and the creaking of the mattress springs. Yuya moans like a cheap whore and Ryo decides to save the hitting for another time because he looks too beautiful to take this much abuse, and settles for biting his neck until he feels blood on his tongue while he pumps Yuya's erection with an experienced wrist. Yuya comes first, all over Ryo's hands and their stomachs as he screams, pushes back to meet his thrusts and clenches around him. It's only a matter of seconds until Ryo comes inside of him. He pulls out and lays down next to him, breath ragged.
"You were rough," Yuya says in between two pants and moves damp hair away from his face.
"I know," Ryo answers, standing up and disappearing into the bathroom. He comes back with a wet towel, which he uses to wipe his own hand and stomach, then Yuya's. He laps at the fresh drops of blood pearling at the junction of his neck and collarbone before covering the wound with a band-aid. He flops down on the bed and pulls Yuya's body close. "Did you like it?"
Yuya buries his face in Ryo's shoulder and nods, feeling his face growing hot. Ryo smiles and kisses his head. His eyes well up with tears for some reason, and he pulls Yuya even closer. He misses Osaka, feels complete and empty at the same time, there's something broken inside of him and he's unaware of it still. He stays silent for a few seconds, and speaks up before Yuya can fall asleep.
"I love you, Yuya," he declares and a tear rolls down his cheek. "I love you."
The next day, Ryo's bedroom door is locked from the outside and Yuya's alone. He tries to get out from the communicating bathroom but that door is locked, too. Yuya panicks, bangs on the door while calling out. He finally gives up, sits down on the floor against the side of the bed and sees the corner of the note on the night table. I'll be out for a while, back for lunch. You can take a shower and wear some clothes from my dresser. Make yourself at home. I love you. Yuya looks at the clock. He has around two and a half hours to kill. He goes to take a shower, touches himself while thinking of Ryo with the warm water running down his back. He comes out of the bathroom wearing a pair of Ryo's boxers that threaten to fall off his hips and a black T-shirt and can't find his cellphone where he left it in the back pocket of his pants. "Where the fuck is my cell?" he wonders out loud. Ryo knows.
"Hello?"
"…Nishikido-san?" comes Masuda's voice, laced with thick confusion.
"Mornin'."
"Where's Yuya? This is his phone."
Ryo rolls his eyes, anyone would have suspected whose phone they're holding. "Sleeping. Call back after lunch." And he hangs up. Yuya throws himself on the bed, stares at the ceiling with a what the hell. He gets bored after half an hour and decides to explore, opening Ryo's closet. He knows curiosity killed the cat but his curiosity is stronger than anything (and as far as he knows, it never killed a Tegoshi) - he looks through the clothes at first, runs his fingers over the fabric of his suits and jeans. He does it until his feet kick a box, looks over his shoulder to check the time. Ryo shouldn't be back for a bit less than an hour, so he sits down cross-legged on the floor and opens the box like a treasure. There are old Final Fantasy games, some more recent, Ryo's graduation album, Kito Aya's book, pictures from Osaka. Yuya gets to the bottom of the box where he picks up an envelope marked CONFIDENTIAL in big red letters.
"Good morn-Yuya?" The boy scrambles to his feet when he hears Ryo's voice, the lid of the envelope opened in his hands. Ryo's eyes drift to it and flare with anger before he takes it from Yuya's hands and slaps him, the sound traveling through the room quick and sharp.
Yuya looks down, presses a hand over his reddening cheek as his eyes well up with tears and he feels the sting. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I was bored and the doors were locked and I was curious, I'm sorry!"
"Curious?" Ryo repeats, and lets the envelope fall to the floor to grab Yuya's wrist and slam him against the nearest wall. It startles him and he feels pain shoot through his skull as it collides with the hard surface, matching the sting in his throbbing cheek. "I really can't trust you, can I? Is this really what you want, to be locked in my room all the time when I'm away?" Yuya shakes his head, Ryo shakes Yuya. "Then be trustworthy!"
"I'm sorry Ryo-tan, I won't do it again!" Ryo stares into his eyes, as if to find a lie, but he can only see fright and total abandon. His grip on Yuya's wrists loosens and he nods, brushing the boy's hair away from his face lovingly. "I'll make it up to you," Yuya whispers. "Just. Let me be in control."
"What?" Ryo questions and Yuya switches their positions so Ryo's back is pressed against the wall. He falls to his knees, undoes his pants and strokes him to hardness, looking up at Ryo innocently before taking Ryo's member in his mouth, wet and hot and soft. Ryo's head falls back and he grunts, fingers finding Yuya's hair as he bobs his head slowly. With one hand, he steadies the man's hips while the other fondles his balls. He increases his pace, runs his tongue along the underside and teases the head until Ryo comes inside his mouth, knees shaking and hands pulling at his hair hard. He swallows everything and licks him clean skilfully before zipping his pants back up and standing with his lips pressed together shyly. "You're well trained," Ryo smiles and kisses him. He can taste himself faintly on his lips. "Though a bit crazy for sucking cock first thing in the morning. Come on, love. I have food."
Ryo behaves like a normal, sane person for a while - at least a month - until he decides that Yuya has been on a break from his world for enough time. He doesn't start slowly, doesn't ease him into it like he did before; he chains Yuya to his bed, hits him and makes him bleed, smearing red across his pale skin like roses on the cold snow. Yuya never protests. He keeps on taking the abuse, turned on by it more than it scares him, and slowly abandons himself to Ryo more and more with every passing day. He only does because he knows Ryo loves him and he's pretty sure he loves him back, because when Ryo hits him, his eyes darken as if veiled by something and he looks superior, but when he comes and pulls Yuya against him, he looks like a fragile child who's broken down and he stares at Yuya with adoration. "You're saving me," he whispers one night as the rain pounds against his bedroom window, punctuated by the thunder every so often. "Don't you ever leave me. I love you."
Yuya swipes his tongue across his bottom lip, feels a sharp pain and tastes his blood, metallic and somewhat salty. "I'm not going anywere." He's young and innocent, knows next to nothing about life. Ryo wants to shield him from the world, he wants to lock him in a glass box from where outsiders will only be able to look at him with their dirty eyes, Masuda and Koyama and Yamashita included, but they'll never be able to break him. Ryo will be the only one allowed inside the crystal walls of his own heart where Yuya will be put away, only he will hurt Yuya because he'll always love him enough to heal his wounds.
Even Masuda is bound to hurt him one day, he writes. He'll hurt him because he's a vermin just like everyone else, he's full of shit and will leave him broken in the dirt. One day, he'll leave him with no one if I don't protect him, if I don't destroy Masuda. I'll never leave him. I'll always make him right no matter how much I'm able to hurt him. I'm the one who loves him with that one true love the books keep talking about. The love that never fails. Never breaks.
The front door opens; it's Yuya coming back from work. Ryo sets his pen down and closes the notebook with the kanji of Yuya's name written on the front before slipping it in the envelope. He takes a short look at the pictures at the bottom of it, clicks his tongue and stuffs it back in the box right as Yuya enters the room and calls "I'm home!" happily.
"Welcome back," Ryo answers and kisses Yuya's lips, then his reddened cheeks. He runs his lips down his neck and pulls at his collar to see his sunburned shoulders, his frown deep. "You took off your shirt today."
"I did, it was so warm!"
"Stop doing it," he orders. "I hate when others see you shirtless."
"But Ryo-tan-"
"Yuya," he presses, grips the boy's shoulder. Yuya nods and barely even winces at the warm pain from the sunburn and Ryo's hand.
Ryo has lunch with Yamashita on his next day off in a traditional Japanese restaurant that's across the street from the apartment buildings Yuya and his team have started working on recently. It's a new project, making Yuya excited because he's building homes for people, Ryo can see him work, brow furrowed in concentration, from where he's sitting. "He's beautiful," Yamashita says, holds his hands up in defense when Ryo gives him a death glare. "Hey, I was just saying, I know he's yours. You should be flattered, I'm pretty difficult you know."
"Oh, please. I've seen your boy toy, do you seriously think I'll believe you when you say you're difficult?" Ryo takes a sip of his tea. "The guy's about as sharp as a marble. Don't tell me you think idiots are arousing."
"That's exactly why I love the saying shut up and be pretty. Besides, if I thought idiots are arousing, I'd be hard right now." Ryo stares at Yamashita for a long moment then snorts and laughs uncontrollably. "See, this is why I don't understand Ryo-chan. I compliment your boyfriend and you wanna kill me, but I call you an idiot and you think it's hilarious." When his co-worker has calmed down, Yamashita stands up and excuses himself to the bathroom, leaving Ryo alone. He's dressed all in black, except for his red suspenders, and Ryo notices a thick wad of cash sticking out of his back pocket. He knows there are probably more in the trench coat Yamashita has hung on the back of his chair, but he waits until the younger man comes back.
"That money doesn't come from the office, does it," he says, more a statement than a question. Yamashita pales.
"What are you talking about?"
"You know exactly what I'm talking about; you're a swindler. Con artist. Admit it."
"Ryo-chan-" Yamashita starts, but cuts himself off with a tiny, tiny nod, it's the first time Ryo's seen him looking vulnerable like Yuya and it makes him crack a smile. "But please don't tell anyone, only Kato-kun knows, I can trust Kato-kun, can I trust Ryo-chan?"
"I won't tell anyone, we're both full of shit anyway. I could end up like your Kato-kun's client if someone decided to call the police and sue me. We're in this together."
"I thought you hated everyone like Masuda because they were full of shit. Does Ryo-chan hate me too?"
"We're all full of shit, Yamashita-kun. Masuda's full of shit, he just is, and I'd kill him if I could. But you and I, we're downright scumbags. Everyone will die but the good people like Masuda will die first, they'll all be destroyed by those who know what real life is, like us. Especially like you." In this world, there are three kinds of men. There are people like Masuda. Then people like Yamashita and me. Then there are those like Yuya. People like Yamashita destroy people like Masuda's lives while people like Yuya are eating people like Yamashita alive. They're beautiful and fragile and make us weak, that's why they all ought to be locked up, so we can have power over them and maybe make them ours, no one else's. Someday the world as we know it will disappear and it'll be filled with cages for people like Yuya, and those like Masuda will be extermined. All of them.
The summer vacation starts and teenagers fill the streets and malls at any time of the week, Ryo has to leave for his first business trip ever. He has to go with Yamashita, so they ask Kato-kun to check on Yuya, but don't tell Koyama or it'll reach Masuda's ears, he has to make sure Yuya doesn't see too much people behind Ryo's back. Especially Masuda, but Yuya invites him for a sleepover on the second day. It feels just like when they were teenagers and they used to sit on the floor of Yuya's bedroom playing video games, laughing and talking like girls until the sun went up. There is also when Yuya takes half an hour-long showers and Masuda has nothing to do, so he decides to take a look around Ryo's room.
It's pretty neat except for Yuya's collection of L'Arc~en~Ciel albums spread on the dresser, with AWAKE in the stereo because Yuya loves the ambiance when they play it during sex. Ryo's CDs are all stacked in a rack, Masuda recognizes Remioromen, Red Hot Chili Peppers and Mr Children among others. He moves on to the closet and finds the box Ryo hasn't even tried to hide better since the little incident with Yuya and the envelope. It's the second thing Masuda digs up because he knows people hide their most secretive things far away from even their own eyes. He frowns at the notebook marked Tegoshi and opens it, eyes falling on words like vermin and destroy as he flips through the pages darkened by ink and Ryo's handwriting. He hears the water stop and closes the envelope, stuffing it in his bag before Yuya comes out of the bathroom. He smiles, "Took you a while."
"That's nothing new," Yuya chuckles and runs a hand through his wet hair. Masuda thinks, I'll bring it back before Nishikido can notice it's gone, and he does because he's just that sneaky.
He's horrified by what he reads when he goes home, more horrified by what Ryo wrote about Yuya than what he wrote about him. The thought of everything he might be doing to Yuya is enough to make him sick, and it scares him so fucking much because it's true, he can't protect Yuya even if he's around now that Ryo is in the picture. Masuda wants him out of it, finally reciprocating Ryo's feelings about him. He finds the pictures that bother Ryo so much, pictures of him when he looked pretty young, with a gag in his mouth, tears in his face, of his arms tied up above his head and blood on his chest, sometimes on his legs and with cum. That's when it really hits Masuda, this guy is completely deranged, all because of whatever happened in the pictures and the note he finds at the bottom of the envelope: The monsters underneath your bed will always scare you even when you turn on the lights, Nishikido-kun. You'll always be my slut, with your legs open and screaming for more, so remember, don't tell anyone. I'm your monsters.
Masuda slips the envelope back in the box while Yuya is cooking dinner in the kitchen, simply because Ryo could be back any minute now. He's slipping into his shoes when the front door opens, and Masuda's eyes lock with Ryo's - he sees, then, just how broken he really is. "I was just leaving; sorry for interrupting." He leans in the general direction of the kitchen. "See you, Yuya," he calls and bows stiffly to Ryo before leaving. Ryo really, really doesn't like him.
Two days later, Masuda asks Yuya to come over to his apartment, and he grabs his shoulders, looking at him with the most worried look Yuya has ever seen on his face.
"Massu, what's wrong?"
"Leave him," he says, his voice deep and somewhat panicked. "Leave him, Yuya, he's crazy, there's something wrong with him, please, please, Yuya."
Yuya blinks, shakes his head. "I don't know what Massu is saying. Calm down, okay? You're just worried about me. Ryo-tan really loves me." And he gets that dazed smile, the one that tells Masuda that he's really become Ryo's puppet, that Masuda has completely lost his best friend. "Don't worry. I'm okay." That night, Ryo kisses Yuya like he never wants to let go, tells him he loves him as if he knows what Masuda has been telling him. Yuya says it back, the exact same words, because he's sure about his feelings completely now.
That day is one of the last times Masuda ever sees Yuya.