Comments | hopita: Choosing my religion, Part II

hopita

Choosing my religion, Part II

Apr 15, 2009 11:59

aaronbenedict is gone again, observing two days of technological blackout for the final two days of Passover. It felt like as soon as we were able to talk to each other again, he had to say goodbye. We talked about that yesterday -- about religious observance. I thought about how many days he must take off from work in a year and I asked: If we were together ( Read more... )

aaronbenedict, relationships, jew, sex, childhood memories, holidays, love, religion, marriage, anarqueso, links, passover

Comments 6

ratphooey April 15 2009, 16:51:49 UTC

I don't have any answers, but it's good that you are thinking about this.

demonfire April 15 2009, 18:41:09 UTC

Is compromise an option? Are there holidays you would be more willing to observe with him than others? Would he understand if you didn't observe _all_ or any of them?

hopita April 15 2009, 19:58:04 UTC

From what I gather, he would be intellectually OK with that, but would still feel hurt/slighted/sad about it. Which, you know, is not really a way I enjoy to make him feel. :(

demonfire April 15 2009, 20:11:32 UTC

Perhaps making up your own holidays or means of celebrating established holidays that you would be comfortable with would be a means of showing that you do care and would alleviate or lessen any hurt he might feel? Plus it would be something special that only the two of you share.

(The comment has been removed)

hopita April 15 2009, 21:45:06 UTC

You may be a great many things, my dear, but "full of shit" has never (in my experience) been one of them. :)

starfall18 April 18 2009, 14:27:42 UTC

what about creating compromises in HOW you would observe those holidays? like, he takes the day off work or not use technology or whatever it is that he does, and you continue doing whta you like but like, only in a certain room of the house where he doesn't go? like the whole house, except for the one room, is observant? and then like you could have special meals together and do the candles and light the blessings, and you could occasionally go with him to shul but not everytime, and you could continue to work if you wanted. i think it would be unfair of him to expect you to completely change just like it would be unfair of you to expect him to completely change. you have to find a way to meet in the middle where you would both be ok with it, intellectually and honestly. he should, emotionally, recognize that you are not ok intellectually with becoming an hyper-observant jew, and i think if he really respects YOUR beliefs as much as you respects HIS, he shouldn't expect you to come all the way over to his side.