Diary of the Last TARDIS, part II
selenak makes me do these things. So, here I come, peddling crack and a sexually-frustrated TARDIS again.
Part I
Entry #1: Have new diary and new Doctor. And may I say, "OW!" New incarnation cannot drive. Think I broke something important. Also, something has gone wrong with regeneration; new Doctor scared wits out of Rose by running around like ferret on speed, and then fainted into Mickey Smith's arms the minute we landed. This is not an auspicious beginning. And I miss Captain Jack!
On upside, new Doctor is quite cute. Not ginger, but has freckles, thick hair, big brown eyes--quite the picture, and Rose is sure to notice. Might actually get him laid if he ever wakes up.
Entry #2: Been nabbed by Sycorax. Rose trying to handle things, but is bombing. All right, Doctor--time to wake up. Tea?
Entry #3: Ah, good. Doctor woke, had nice swordfight, impressed Rose, got in middle of group hug with Rose, Jackie and Mickey--
--that's just not right. Not sure this one is all there yet. Worst regeneration since sixth, but at least he didn't try to strangle anyone this time. On upside again, taste in clothes quite natty. Great improvement from sixth incarnation.
Entry #4: And we're off again! Doctor wanted to go forward a few billion years and impress Rose with New Earth. And aren't they so adorable, lying in the applegrass. Aww! This has serious possibilities. Rose keeps looking at freckles like she's like to lick them. Don't blame her one bit. Doctor also keeps looking at Rose like he'd like to lick her, but has been giving me same look. Odd. Isn't oral fixation a sign of sexual frustration?
Entry #5: What? Doctor says someone took over Rose's body and snogged him proper. Think he liked it, from expression on face. Maybe he'll want to try again?
Entry #6: Blast him! Pounding on me with mallet? I showed him. Deposited him in wrong century among Scotsmen with rifles. Also, Rose wearing appalling outfit. Doctor now doing adorable Scots accent. Perhaps will endear Rose further?
Entry #7: Doctor and Rose irritated Queen Victoria. Imagine. Oafish Rose boyfriend (Is he still? Can't keep track of these things.) called, and we're on our way back to twenty-first century. Doctor has apologized for mallet incident, so shall be cooperative this time.
Entry #8: Sarah Jane! How lovely to see her again. Looks fabulous, too. Adore her jacket. Rose could take a tip or two. Also, Doctor rebuilt K-9 as parting gift. Glad it's staying with Sarah Jane; find it annoying as Skaro.
What? Mickey coming with us? Against Rose's wishes? Doctor's trying to keep her at arm's distance again! Stupid--will have to have word with him. Don't want oaf shagging Rose just as I'm making progress.
Entry #9: Have changed mind after seeing Mickey in shower. Boy has potential. And a tattoo. Doctor should get tattoo.
Entry #10: Grand. Stuck on space station while Doctor stalks Madame de Pompadour. Rose upset, Mickey upset, and Doctor stuck in 18th century until he can nab an earlier version of me from previous incarnation. Also, refuse to have horse on board. Motor scooter bad enough.
Entry #11: *Sigh* Why do I even try? Doctor returned via deus ex machina, but Rose still feeling hurt.
AND SHAGGING MICKEY!
First sex on me in forever, and Doctor not involved. Serves oblivious idiot right. Currently moping while toying with console, and if he doesn't stop the jiggery-pokery soon, will light up viewscreen with jiggery-pokery currently going on in Rose's bedroom. See how he likes that.
Speaking of which, Mickey not that bad. Lacks finesse, but eager to please. Hm. Rose a screamer. Might have guessed that.
Entry #12: OW! Ow, owowowowow!
Entry #13: Okay, Doctor forgiven for earlier idiocy. Gave me ten years of his life. Is good to be reminded that he still loves me.
Rose very emo. Alt!Mum Cyberified, Alt!Dad freaked out on her, and Mickey stayed behind with cute little Scot (can't blame him). Perhaps now would be time for some comfort sex?
Or a drop in to Jackie's. *Sigh*
Entry #14: Doctor proves bad pilot again. Right decade, wrong continent. On other hand, Rose adorable in '50s outfit. Can't say same about Doctor's hair.
Entry #15: Doctor told me about Rose's face getting stolen. Almost choked up, poor little Time Lord. Trying to nudge him to find Rose and tell her what she means to him (and then commence the shagging), but fear he's still too thick and/or repressed. Truly hopeless.
Entry #16: OW! Got dropped in pit of some kind. Doctor? Help!
Entry #17: Doctor taking own sweet time finding me. Terrible smell of sulfur and brimstone coming from somewhere nearby, and don't like sounds much, either. Will use time to advance to next level of "Doom."
Entry #18: Ah, wonderful! Doctor found me, picked up stray human, pulled little rocket away from black hole (Gravity! Pfft!), currently in big hug with Rose. Stray human won't be staying, so perhaps now time for a little nookie?
Entry #19: No nookie, and now have gotten eyeful of grotesque alien in loincloth. If that doesn't kill one's libido, nothing will.
Entry #20: I think they're getting closer! Doctor not wearing tie today, acting all couple-y with Rose, and getting distracted so badly he has to correct landing 90 degrees. Must say I'm amused. So is Rose. Really, they're just getting cuter and cuter. Shagging imminent.
Entry #21: Final blow to my dignity: getting turned into child's drawing! I swear, only thing left is for chameleon circuit to get turned on long enough to turn me into public privy.
Entry #22: Doctor, sensing events in air, has taken Rose on romantic journey to see mantabats of Rygel IV. Is even accepting her pledge to stay with him "forever." A bit like wedding vow, I say. Anyone for a honeymoon?
Entry #23: Back to Powell Estates. Grr! I have laundry facilities on board, Rose! True, they're not exactly what one might describe as "safe," but they'll get your clothes clean. Might also eat them, of course, but really, is that any reason to keep nipping off to Jackie's? But Doctor and Rose are holding hands and acting all couple-y again, so might forgive them.
Entry #24: They're Cybermen, idiot. I can see that, even if you're a bit thick. Also, do not start up with me while Jackie's on board trying to interfere with your relationship. Shut up, woman!
Too late. Jackie with us, and we've landed somewhere with guns again. Don't like smell of this place.
Entry #25: So, Doctor grabbed Jackie and is pretending she's Rose, Torchwood idiots have put me in warehouse, Cybermen are bullying their way into this dimension, and Rose is trying bluff that will not be successful. Not a happy situation. Wish Doctor would just grab Rose and take me across universe. Depressed now. And failing at getting to next level of "Doom."
Entry #26: Am observing Dalek-Cybermen bitch-fest with both amusement and horror. This isn't what one might call "good." Have very bad feeling about this.
Entry #27: Whoa! Things were getting sucked into Void right and left there. Even tried to get me, but am too good for that. Hope that's the end of that and can get Doctor and Rose back on board. Have new strategem for getting them together.
Wait. Doctor coming back alone. Also emo. Where's Rose?
Entry #28: Bugger. Bugger and damn. Squared. Rose in alternate universe where we can't reach her. Damn it all with a side of damn! I liked that girl.
Entry #29: Need to get Doctor back on feet. Is understandably upset, but if there's chance of seeing Rose again--ah, there he goes. I knew he'd figure something out.
Entry #30: Am depressed as hell. Doctor and Rose talked, all right, but no touching, she was upset, and IDIOT DOCTOR dithered until it was too late to get out those three little words! Stupid! "Quite right to." What in the name of Rassilon were you thinking? She bares soul, and you, you twit--
--oh, hush now. You know I don't mean it. Don't cry. Hey, "impossible" is one of our favorite words, right? We'll see her again. You can tell her then. Why don't you just have a nice cup of--
Who the hell is that?
Part I
Entry #1: Have new diary and new Doctor. And may I say, "OW!" New incarnation cannot drive. Think I broke something important. Also, something has gone wrong with regeneration; new Doctor scared wits out of Rose by running around like ferret on speed, and then fainted into Mickey Smith's arms the minute we landed. This is not an auspicious beginning. And I miss Captain Jack!
On upside, new Doctor is quite cute. Not ginger, but has freckles, thick hair, big brown eyes--quite the picture, and Rose is sure to notice. Might actually get him laid if he ever wakes up.
Entry #2: Been nabbed by Sycorax. Rose trying to handle things, but is bombing. All right, Doctor--time to wake up. Tea?
Entry #3: Ah, good. Doctor woke, had nice swordfight, impressed Rose, got in middle of group hug with Rose, Jackie and Mickey--
--that's just not right. Not sure this one is all there yet. Worst regeneration since sixth, but at least he didn't try to strangle anyone this time. On upside again, taste in clothes quite natty. Great improvement from sixth incarnation.
Entry #4: And we're off again! Doctor wanted to go forward a few billion years and impress Rose with New Earth. And aren't they so adorable, lying in the applegrass. Aww! This has serious possibilities. Rose keeps looking at freckles like she's like to lick them. Don't blame her one bit. Doctor also keeps looking at Rose like he'd like to lick her, but has been giving me same look. Odd. Isn't oral fixation a sign of sexual frustration?
Entry #5: What? Doctor says someone took over Rose's body and snogged him proper. Think he liked it, from expression on face. Maybe he'll want to try again?
Entry #6: Blast him! Pounding on me with mallet? I showed him. Deposited him in wrong century among Scotsmen with rifles. Also, Rose wearing appalling outfit. Doctor now doing adorable Scots accent. Perhaps will endear Rose further?
Entry #7: Doctor and Rose irritated Queen Victoria. Imagine. Oafish Rose boyfriend (Is he still? Can't keep track of these things.) called, and we're on our way back to twenty-first century. Doctor has apologized for mallet incident, so shall be cooperative this time.
Entry #8: Sarah Jane! How lovely to see her again. Looks fabulous, too. Adore her jacket. Rose could take a tip or two. Also, Doctor rebuilt K-9 as parting gift. Glad it's staying with Sarah Jane; find it annoying as Skaro.
What? Mickey coming with us? Against Rose's wishes? Doctor's trying to keep her at arm's distance again! Stupid--will have to have word with him. Don't want oaf shagging Rose just as I'm making progress.
Entry #9: Have changed mind after seeing Mickey in shower. Boy has potential. And a tattoo. Doctor should get tattoo.
Entry #10: Grand. Stuck on space station while Doctor stalks Madame de Pompadour. Rose upset, Mickey upset, and Doctor stuck in 18th century until he can nab an earlier version of me from previous incarnation. Also, refuse to have horse on board. Motor scooter bad enough.
Entry #11: *Sigh* Why do I even try? Doctor returned via deus ex machina, but Rose still feeling hurt.
AND SHAGGING MICKEY!
First sex on me in forever, and Doctor not involved. Serves oblivious idiot right. Currently moping while toying with console, and if he doesn't stop the jiggery-pokery soon, will light up viewscreen with jiggery-pokery currently going on in Rose's bedroom. See how he likes that.
Speaking of which, Mickey not that bad. Lacks finesse, but eager to please. Hm. Rose a screamer. Might have guessed that.
Entry #12: OW! Ow, owowowowow!
Entry #13: Okay, Doctor forgiven for earlier idiocy. Gave me ten years of his life. Is good to be reminded that he still loves me.
Rose very emo. Alt!Mum Cyberified, Alt!Dad freaked out on her, and Mickey stayed behind with cute little Scot (can't blame him). Perhaps now would be time for some comfort sex?
Or a drop in to Jackie's. *Sigh*
Entry #14: Doctor proves bad pilot again. Right decade, wrong continent. On other hand, Rose adorable in '50s outfit. Can't say same about Doctor's hair.
Entry #15: Doctor told me about Rose's face getting stolen. Almost choked up, poor little Time Lord. Trying to nudge him to find Rose and tell her what she means to him (and then commence the shagging), but fear he's still too thick and/or repressed. Truly hopeless.
Entry #16: OW! Got dropped in pit of some kind. Doctor? Help!
Entry #17: Doctor taking own sweet time finding me. Terrible smell of sulfur and brimstone coming from somewhere nearby, and don't like sounds much, either. Will use time to advance to next level of "Doom."
Entry #18: Ah, wonderful! Doctor found me, picked up stray human, pulled little rocket away from black hole (Gravity! Pfft!), currently in big hug with Rose. Stray human won't be staying, so perhaps now time for a little nookie?
Entry #19: No nookie, and now have gotten eyeful of grotesque alien in loincloth. If that doesn't kill one's libido, nothing will.
Entry #20: I think they're getting closer! Doctor not wearing tie today, acting all couple-y with Rose, and getting distracted so badly he has to correct landing 90 degrees. Must say I'm amused. So is Rose. Really, they're just getting cuter and cuter. Shagging imminent.
Entry #21: Final blow to my dignity: getting turned into child's drawing! I swear, only thing left is for chameleon circuit to get turned on long enough to turn me into public privy.
Entry #22: Doctor, sensing events in air, has taken Rose on romantic journey to see mantabats of Rygel IV. Is even accepting her pledge to stay with him "forever." A bit like wedding vow, I say. Anyone for a honeymoon?
Entry #23: Back to Powell Estates. Grr! I have laundry facilities on board, Rose! True, they're not exactly what one might describe as "safe," but they'll get your clothes clean. Might also eat them, of course, but really, is that any reason to keep nipping off to Jackie's? But Doctor and Rose are holding hands and acting all couple-y again, so might forgive them.
Entry #24: They're Cybermen, idiot. I can see that, even if you're a bit thick. Also, do not start up with me while Jackie's on board trying to interfere with your relationship. Shut up, woman!
Too late. Jackie with us, and we've landed somewhere with guns again. Don't like smell of this place.
Entry #25: So, Doctor grabbed Jackie and is pretending she's Rose, Torchwood idiots have put me in warehouse, Cybermen are bullying their way into this dimension, and Rose is trying bluff that will not be successful. Not a happy situation. Wish Doctor would just grab Rose and take me across universe. Depressed now. And failing at getting to next level of "Doom."
Entry #26: Am observing Dalek-Cybermen bitch-fest with both amusement and horror. This isn't what one might call "good." Have very bad feeling about this.
Entry #27: Whoa! Things were getting sucked into Void right and left there. Even tried to get me, but am too good for that. Hope that's the end of that and can get Doctor and Rose back on board. Have new strategem for getting them together.
Wait. Doctor coming back alone. Also emo. Where's Rose?
Entry #28: Bugger. Bugger and damn. Squared. Rose in alternate universe where we can't reach her. Damn it all with a side of damn! I liked that girl.
Entry #29: Need to get Doctor back on feet. Is understandably upset, but if there's chance of seeing Rose again--ah, there he goes. I knew he'd figure something out.
Entry #30: Am depressed as hell. Doctor and Rose talked, all right, but no touching, she was upset, and IDIOT DOCTOR dithered until it was too late to get out those three little words! Stupid! "Quite right to." What in the name of Rassilon were you thinking? She bares soul, and you, you twit--
--oh, hush now. You know I don't mean it. Don't cry. Hey, "impossible" is one of our favorite words, right? We'll see her again. You can tell her then. Why don't you just have a nice cup of--
Who the hell is that?